Bars 34 - End

What a fool to think she might love me
I opened my heart and let her walk through
She wanted prince charming, I wanted my home back
How lucky both our wishes came true

Gonna build me a wall, a perfect place to hide
Hey world, stay on your side
The best way to conquer they say is to divide

Gonna build a wall
Gonna be what they say
Gonna hide in my heart
Gonna build a wall

There's a princess, any princess, take your pick, they're all like me
Not exactly, I'm still waiting, they're out living happily
Ever after, better get here, I want love in seconds flat
No one needs these middle bits, oops, did I do that?

Cut the villains, cut the vamping, cut this fairytale
Cut the peril and the pitfalls, cut the puppet and the whale
Cut the monsters, cut the curses, keep the intro, cut the verses
And the waiting, the waiting, the waiting, the waiting, the waiting!

But I know, he'll appear, though I seem a bit bipolar
And I'm a vandal now as well, hope he won't mind
I'm a find, I'm a catch, and a very gifted bowler
It won't be long now, I guarantee, day number-

Are you there, God?
It's me, Fiona
It's me, Fiona

Now I know, he'll appear
'Cause there are rules and there are strictures
I believe the story books I read by candlelight
My white knight, my knight and his steed
Will look just like these pictures
It won't be long now, I guarantee
(Day number 23)
(Day number 958)
(Day number 8423)

I know it's today
I know it's today
I know it's today,

I know it's today!

Don't let me go.
Don't let me go.
Don't let me go!
You need me.

You and me, we belong together.
Like butter and grits,
Like kibbles and bits,
Like yin and yang,
Sturm und drang,
Like Eng and Chang, attached at the hip
But not an old lady hip that might break
I'm gonna be on you like a fat kid on cake!

Like Cupid and Psyche, like pop rocks and Mikey,
we'll stick together like that Velcro stuff, I'm the fuzzy side; you'll be the spiky.
Ooh! Like little kids and pajamas with those funny things at the bottom, you know, feeties.
Like donuts and? oh, what goes with donuts?

Donuts and diabetes!

Don't let me go!
Don't let me go!
Don't let me go!
Don't let me go!
Hold me! Hug me! Take me, please!
Na-na-na-na-na-na, please don't let me go!
I need you, I need you, I need you, I need you, I need you, I need you, I need you,
I need you, I need you, I need you, I need you, I need you, I need you, I need you, I need you!
Don't let me go, Go! Go! Don't let me g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-go!

Once upon a time
This place was infested
Freaks on every corner
I had them all arrested
Hey nonny-nonny-nonny-no
If you had a quirk, you didn't pass inspection
We all have our standards
But I will have perfection
And so
And so

Things are looking up here in Duloc.

[Duloc Dancers]
Just take a look

[Lord Farquaad]
The things I'm cooking up here in Duloc

[Duloc Dancers]
He likes to cook

[Lord Farquaad]
A model that amazes
A plan with seven phases

[Duloc Dancers]
Bum bum bum bum bum

[Lord Farquaad]
Things are looking up here in Duloc

[Duloc Dancers]
They're looking up

[Lord Farquaad]
In Duloc
The ladies all look swell
The men are so dashing
Thanks to my new dress code
The fashion's never clashing

Hey nonny-nonny-nonny-no
This castle I had built
Is taller than the clifftops
A city with a postcard
A monorail and gift shops
And so

[Duloc Dancers]
And so

[Lord Farquaad]
And so

[Duloc Dancers]
And so

[Lord Farquaad]
And so
No one from the gutter in Duloc

[Duloc Dancers]
He's takin' aim

[Lord Farquaad]
Embrace the cookie cutter in Duloc

[Duloc Dancers]
We're all the same

[Lord Farquaad]
The upshot is enormous
When you can shout

[Duloc Dancers]
Conform us

[Lord Farquaad]
Yes
Things are looking up
Here in Duloc

[GINGY]
Listen up, puppet!
We spend our whole lives wishing
We weren't so freakin' strange
They made us feel that way
But it's they who need to change

[PAPA BEAR, spoken]
The way they think, that is


It's time to stop the hiding
It's time to stand up tall
Say "Hey world, I'm different, and here I am splinters and all!
Splinters and all! Hoo, hoo, hoo!"


Let your freak flag wave
Let your freak flag fly
Never take it down, never take it down
Raise it way up high! Yeah! Let your freak flag fly!
Let it fly, fly, fly!

[Guard]
(Spoken)
Alright, when I call your name step forward. Pinocchio, the puppet.

[Pinocchio]
(Spoken)
I'm not a puppet I'm a real boy.
(Nose grows and he laughs)

[Guard]
(Spoken)
That's your patch of mud down there.

[Pinocchio]
(Spoken)
Oh, dumped on a swamp. Man, I tell you sometimes being a fairytale creature sucks pine sap.

[Pinocchio]
Life is disappointing,
Woe is what I know.
Outted by my nose,
That's just how it goes,
For poor Pinocchio.
Story of my life,
Always doomed to fail.
Cheated by a fox,
Swallowed by a whale.
That's the story of my life, oh yeah,
That's the story of my life.

Another day inside my keep
I get no rest, I get no sleep
‘cause when I start to count my sheep
You come around

I draw my shades and lock my doors
Still you come for what ain’t yours
Like a hound dog on all fours
You sniff around and around and around

You’re gonna stay
You’re gonna stay
You’re gonna stay
Forever
Forever

Another knight, another name
But all in all you’re all the same
Foolish moth you want the flame that you fly around.
The siren calls you from her beach
That pretty girl, that perfect peach
She is always out of reach
but I am around and around and around

You’re gonna stay
You’re gonna stay
You’re gonna stay
Forever

One group sing through; pairs then chosen by Elise and Oly

Lyrics [Bars 1 - 43]

[MAMA OGRE]
Listen son, you're growing up so quickly
Growing up, bigger by the day

[PAPA OGRE]
Although we want you here
The rules are very clear

[MAMA OGRE]
Now you're seven...

[PAPA OGRE]
Now you're seven...

[MAMA OGRE & PAPA OGRE]
So it's time to go away

[PAPA OGRE]
Your Mama packed a sandwich for your trip

[MAMA OGRE]
Your Papa packed your boots in case of snow

[MAMA OGRE & PAPA OGRE]
You're gonna make us proud, no backing up allowed

[MAMA OGRE]
Just keep walking...

[PAPA OGRE]
Just keep walking...

[MAMA OGRE & PAPA OGRE]
And you'll find somewhere to go

It's a big bright beautiful world
With happiness all around
It's peaches and cream
And every dream comes true
But not for you

Oh, here's a good one
It's a classic

There's a princess in a coma, glad it's her instead of me
Pretty maiden in a glass box, how I wonder, does she pee?
Blah, blah, blah, blah, poison apple, boring, boring evil queen
Filler, filler, been there, read that, seven shorties on the scene

Skip ahead, skip ahead

But in the end, the princess
Wakes up with a start
The prince is good at kissing
And melting Snow White's heart

So I know, he'll appear
And his armor will be blinding
As shining as his perfect teeth and manly hose
He'll propose on one knee
And our prenup will be binding
About time we set a wedding date
Day number 958
I know it's today, he'll show up today

Settle in girls, it's story time!

There's a princess in a tower, oh, my gosh, that's just like me
Poor Rapunzel needs a haircut, but the witch won't set her free

She passes time by singing like someone else I know
As years go by, she sits and waits, as years go by? Uh-oh

A torturous existence, I don't remember this part
She wishes she were dead? Skip ahead, skip ahead
But in the end, Rapunzel finds a millionaire
The prince is good at climbing and braiding golden hair

So I know, he'll appear
'Cause there are rules and there are strictures
I believe the story books I read by candlelight
My white knight and his steed
Will look just like these pictures
It won't be long now, I guarantee
Day number 23
I know it's today, I know it's today

E.g. Three Little Pigs (German Accent), Wicked Witch, Humpty Dumpty, Big Bad Wolf, Papa Bear, Mama Bear, Baby Bear, Ugly Duckling, Peter Pan, Shoemaker’s Elf, White Rabbit, Mad Hatter, Fairy Godmother.

Lyrics [Bars 74 - end]

I always dreamed I'd get a happy ending.
And this right here,
Not how it goes.

I always dreamed I'd get an ever after.
If this is it,
It blows

It blows

It blows


This is worse than that case of Dutch Elm Disease I caught in Tijuana.

Story of my life,
All the wasted prayers.
All the broken dreams.
All the broken chairs.


All the damage done
All the busted beds.
All the shattered falls
Porridge on our heads.


That's the story of my life, yes sir.
That's the story of my life, oi vey
That's the story of my life

Crap!

This is an audition option for any ACTORS/DANCERS who do not want to sing in auditions (Musical Theatre learners MUST sing).

If you want to do the spoken/acting audition, you must agree this with Elise or Oly first.

SHREK

(Male – High Baritone) – Our story’s title character. A big, green, terrifying ogre who lives alone in a swamp. He embarks on a journey to rid his land of fairytale creatures and, along the way, falls in love with Fiona. Begins as a grumpy hermit, but reveals his layers and eventually becomes the hero. Excellent singer and actor.

PRINCESS FIONA

(Female – Soprano / High Belter) – The beautiful princess of Far-Far-Away, she transforms into an ogre every night when the sun sets. Rescued by Shrek and eventually falls in love with him. Quirky, blunt, and multi-talented, she is not an ordinary princess. Excellent singer and actor with great comic timing.

DONKEY   

(Male or Female – High Baritone / Tenor or Alto with High Belt) – A talking donkey who joins Shrek on the run from Farquaad’s guards. Quite the chatterbox, he is not deterred by Shrek’s looks and practically forces himself into the ogre’s good graces. Easily frightened and pushy, but also an optimist with heart. Excellent singer and comic actor with a huge personality.

LORD FARQUAAD / 21+  

(Male – High Baritone) – The comically short, ruthless ruler of Duloc. He is in search of a princess to marry so that he can become king. Has an intensely unfair bias against fairytale creatures that stems from a resentment of his father. Self-absorbed, lonely, and cruel. Excellent singer and comic actor. Actor must be able to play this role on his knees for the whole show.

DRAGON

(Female – Alto with Big Belt) – A dragon that has been charged with guarding Princess Fiona in her isolated castle. She eventually falls in love with Donkey and attempts to keep him there forever. Imposing and flirtatious, but tired of her job as the glorified baby-sitter. She sings “Forever” with her Knight back-up singers. May double as a fairytale creature..

PINOCCHIO

(Male or Female – Tenor with falsetto or Soprano / Alto) – The leader of the fairytale creatures. Although portrayed by a live actor, Pinocchio is an animated puppet whose nose grows every time he lies. Plenty of sass with a penchant for lying, he leads the troupe of Fairytale Creatures in the musical numbers “Story of My Life” and “Freak Flag.”

PAPA OGRE

(Male – High Baritone) – Shrek’s father. Sings a beautiful duet with Mama Ogre to young Shrek in the opening number “Big, Bright, Beautiful World.”

MAMA OGRE

(Female – Alto) – Shrek’s mother. Sings a beautiful duet with Papa Ogre to young Shrek in the opening number “Big, Bright, Beautiful World.”

YOUNG FIONA

(Female – Soprano with Strong Belt) – Princess Fiona as a little girl. Sings a solo in “I Know It’s Today” with Teen Fiona and Fiona. May double as Young Shrek, Baby Bear, or Grumpy Dwarf.

TEEN FIONA

(Female – Soprano with Strong Belt– Princess Fiona as a teenager. Sings a solo in “I Know It’s Today” with Young Fiona and Fiona.

GINGY

(Female) – A gingerbread man initially kidnapped by Lord Farquaad. His wit and resolution help him both avoid trouble and inspire the rest of the fairytale creatures. This character is portrayed with a puppet, which may be voiced and operated by actor appearing as another fairytale creature. Comedic character voice required.

3 LITTLE PIGS

(Males or Female, – Tenors or Baritones with ability to sing tight harmony and German Accent) – Fairytale creatures with solo / trio work in “Story of My Life,” “Freak Flag” and “This is Our Story.”

FAIRYTALE CREATURES

(All have featured roles, whether with lines, solos, dances, or action) – Wicked Witch, Humpty Dumpty, Big Bad Wolf, Papa Bear, Mama Bear, Baby Bear, Ugly Duckling, Peter Pan, Shoemaker’s Elf, White Rabbit, Mad Hatter, Fairy Godmother.

DANCERS

Will dance in a number of scenes potentially including Duloc Citizens, Dragon Skeletons, Dancing Rats, Blind Mice.

ENSEMBLE CHARACTER ROLES

These include (but are not limited to) Townspeople, Thelonius the Executioner, Knights, Dragon Singers, Priest, Blind Mice, Magic Mirror, Grumpy Dwarf.

Wednesday 8th January 2024, during normal musical lesson (1:15 - 4:30)

Please see below the audition information per character.

All auditions will be performed in front of others also auditioning for that part. E.g. All Shreks will audition in front of all other Shreks.

You also have the opportunity to submit a self-tape of ONE other character audition. This is optional and not mandatory.

All characters are to present a singing audition only, EXCEPT Shrek who also has a section of libretto to prepare. Elise or Oly will read in for Donkey.

Year 2 Dancers who want to be in this production, please let Elise or Oly know. If you only want to be a dancer/ensemble, you do not need to audition, but if you would like to audition for a part, you are more than welcome. Please prepare the same as everyone else. Year 1 dancers are also welcome to audition for a role, however will be included in the ensemble regardless.

Whilst the auditions are predominantly singing, this is NOT just about delivering a perfect singing audition. Shrek the Musical is ALLLLLL about character and that's what we want to see in the auditions.

Character voices

Character actions

Big, bold choices.

If you really do not want to sing, there is a spoken audition section at the end of this column, however this must be approved by Elise and/or Oly.

Musical Theatre learners MUST sing in their audition.

Discuss staging and expectations

I'ma Believer vocals and choreography - Full Company.

Second Lesson:

Opening Number (Elise) - Big Bright Beautiful World.

Shrek

Fiona

Little Shrek

Mamma Ogre

Pappa Ogre

Queen Lillian

King Harold

Young Fiona

All Villagers (Happy People)

Independent rehearsal in FS004:

Guards you will all be in this scene. (Mike when available) and Fairytale creatures

Someone (or Cat) log on to the computer in FS004 or cast to the Apple TV and cast the proshot to the TV to watch the whole segment you are involved in.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7tPOfFXWZc&t=6922s

Proshot timing:

7:48 - 14:45

Run lines

Learn all vocal elements of:

Story of my life

Story of my life tag

Goodbye song

IGNORE which Fairytale Creatures sing in the proshot, stick to what is stipulated in the script.

Act 1 Scene 2

Story of my Life - see script for lyrics.

Story of my life Tag

ELF

I'd always dreamed I get a happy ending

UGLY DUCKLING

It was foretold in my horoscope

PINOCCHIO

Can't ya help us out with an ever after

FAIRY TALE CREATURES

Can't you see that you're our only hope?

You're our only hope

WOLF

Hope

FAIRY TALE CREATURES

You're our only hope

WOLF

H-O-P-E Hope

FAIRY TALE CREATURES

You're our only hope

WOLF

Esperanza

FAIRY TALE CREATURES

You're our only-

Goodbye Song

Fairytale Creatures

Yay!

Time to say goodbye!

Time to say farewell!

Time for you to fly!

It's been really swell!

Gosh, I'm gonna cry!

Fairytale Creatures

Time to say goodbye!

Shrek

I'll be right back

Fairytale Creatures

Time to say vamoose!

Shrek

Don't get comfortable

Fairytale Creatures

Ogre on the loose!

Shrek

And don't touch my-

Fairytale Creatures

Time to say goodbye!

Baby Bear

Don't die!