YR 8 ATA Redraft Lesson 05 Discovery by https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof en-us 2021-01-22 16:21:58 UTC 2021-01-27 10:13:17 UTC hello@padlet.com 1st TASK: Mark this descriptive paragraph using the success criteria cilomee https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1114736400 write a detailed WWW and EBI

Me and Carnarvan have just returned to the tomb we had didcovered and we have seen some amazing treasures, but something gives me the instinct that these wonderful objects are much more than  just ordinary treasures. Even from the smallest detail I can tell that we have just discovered egyptian artefacts that are extremely important but the objects being ancient have given them so much value and importance that must be explored .]]> 2021-01-22 16:22:41 UTC https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1114736400 cilomee https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1114744962 2021-01-22 16:24:28 UTC https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1114744962 Success criteria cilomee https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1114760216 (Descriptive techniques) (A05)
Metaphor 
Simile 
Sensory description 
Higher vocabulary- adjectives. Verbs, adverbs 
Emotive language 

(A06)
Dramatic punctuation  
- Ellipses, exclamation, question mark, dash 
Spelling 
Punctuation 
grammar
]]> 2021-01-22 16:27:42 UTC https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1114760216 2nd task cilomee https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1114773705 1. If you've submitted this paragraph (Title- 05 Discovery), it is marked so I want you to check my marking and respond to the EBI. Redraft it now, hen post it here on Padlet and THEN submit it on GC on a google doc so I can mark it.

2. If you haven't submitted the work for this lesson, then you do not have an EBI to complete because you didn't allow me to mark your work. SO YOUR  TASK IS: Rewrite this entire paragraph that you just marked,  then post it here on Padlet and THEN submit it on GC on a google doc so I can mark it.]]> 2021-01-22 16:30:28 UTC https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1114773705 Reminder of what the task was for the paragraph cilomee https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1114781292 Lesson 05 Discovery
You are Howard Carter. You have just
returned from secretly examining the tomb of Tutankhamun with Lord Carnarvan. 
Continue your diary describing:
-What you have seen at the tomb.
- How you feel.]]> 2021-01-22 16:31:59 UTC https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1114781292 I love using Padlet for the lesson! cilomee https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1114862307 2021-01-22 16:48:28 UTC https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1114862307 1st task https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130620616 www: the paragraph  used some of the ao5 techniques like some high vocab
ebi: next time maybe the paragraph can include some dramatic punctuation  ]]> 2021-01-27 09:16:21 UTC https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130620616 https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130638532 im glitching]]> 2021-01-27 09:20:57 UTC https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130638532 1st task https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130649754 www - had good reasons for its opinions
ebi - check your spelling and add punctuation.]]> 2021-01-27 09:24:06 UTC https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130649754 TASK 1 TEVILEN https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130658960 www: good use of high vocab well writed EBI: use more AO6 next time ]]> 2021-01-27 09:26:44 UTC https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130658960 Task 1 https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130659080 www:good use of adjectives-AO5
Ebi:add more punctuation-AO6]]> 2021-01-27 09:26:46 UTC https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130659080 task 1 https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130659501 www: use of ao5 
high vocab of ao6
 ebi: use more of the success criteria and more punctuation

]]> 2021-01-27 09:26:54 UTC https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130659501 redraft paragraph aneela https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130662033 Me and Carnarvon we have just came back from the  tomb. What we have discovered and we have seen some spectacular treasures, so cool. I am not sure why something is just giving me the instinct. What I think is there is something better and deeper in these amazing cool treasures. I feel that we have to dig deeper to find out.  Just from the smallest detail I can tell that just we have found out something important. I can tell because the artefacts are Egyptian artefacts they are quite important. what they have given is lots of importance and also value and we must explore and find out more ]]> 2021-01-27 09:27:35 UTC https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130662033 Task 1: Basma https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130669064 WWW- Good use of high vocab, grammar  AO5  and AO6
EBI: Next time correct spelling.When you say 'Me and Carnarvan' it should be ' Carnavan and I']]> 2021-01-27 09:29:37 UTC https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130669064 task 1 https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130669957 www: high vocab (ao5)
          correct use of grammar (ao5)
ebi: add more punctuation (ao6)

]]> 2021-01-27 09:29:53 UTC https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130669957 task1 Maryam https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130677072 www- Good use of high vocab 
ebi- Follow more of the success criteria]]> 2021-01-27 09:31:51 UTC https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130677072 redraft paragraph https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130678545 Once me and carnarvan had realized the trouble we have gotten into, we covered up the hole with a basket and left as soon as we could. But why were there so many gold and statues everywhere? What were those 2 guard statues doing? As for now my nose is very itchy as the tomb was infected with dust? I have been sneezing all night and I think my neighbours are beginning to get worried. ]]> 2021-01-27 09:32:06 UTC https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130678545 1st task https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130679667 Www: used high vocab
EBI: Try and use correct punctuation and spelling

]]> 2021-01-27 09:32:23 UTC https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130679667 www- you’ve used A05, higher vocab and A06, correct grammar Ebi- Try fixing your spelling, and try using some more of the sucsess criteria, as you’ve only met 2. https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130687764 -aiza]]> 2021-01-27 09:34:44 UTC https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130687764 task 1 https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130707815 WWW: high vocab ao5 correct use of grammer

Ebi: put more puctuation]]> 2021-01-27 09:40:13 UTC https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130707815 My redraft- Maryam https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130708159 The tomb of Tutankhamun hold some amazing treasures ones that I have seen before and had to stay and explore more but after noticing the  two guards ,I felt like trouble was near by. But we couldn't leave not when there was stills o much to be discovered.  Soon after me and Carnavan were just about to leave when something had caught my eye and I knew this was something we had to take from the tomb to discover and explore. ]]> 2021-01-27 09:40:18 UTC https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130708159 don't talk about punctuation so much when marking, that is boring- offer higher level advice cilomee https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130716573 2021-01-27 09:42:41 UTC https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130716573 Redraft https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130716788 Me and Carnarvon have just returned to the tomb we had discovered and we had seen the most bewildering, astounding, breathtaking, treasures!!However, something gives me the instinct that these glorious objects are so much more than just ordinary valuables.Even from the smallest feature I can tell that we have just discovered EGYPTIAN ARTEFACTS!!!They must be extremely important but the objects being ancient have given them so much value and significance that must be explored.I have a feeling that I will discover something even more shocking and I can't wait to find out what more lies in this mysterious tomb.]]> 2021-01-27 09:42:44 UTC https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130716788 Redraft: Basma https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130728393 Carnarvan and I have just returned to the tomb where we discoverd the most astounding treasure!
Although these marvellous objects are more than just a regular treasures.
Eventhough, from the tiny  detail, I can tell we've discovered egyption artefacts that's  tremendously significant, Although, the objects being ancient have been given a lot value and major that should be explored. 


]]> 2021-01-27 09:46:06 UTC https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130728393 redraft https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130732707 Me and Carnarvon have just returned to the tomb we had discovered some breath- taking treasure! However something gives me the instinct that these magnificent objects are way more than ordinary treasure. Although from minor detail i can tell myself that we have found Egyptian artefact that are so significant and have been given so much value i think ill find way more.

]]> 2021-01-27 09:47:15 UTC https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130732707 MY redraft https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130772311 me and carnarvan have just arrive a the tomb of Tutankhamun and we saw some jawdroping artefacts one off the artefacts was the golded mask but they we saw two guard it said ENTER IF YOU DARE... ]]> 2021-01-27 09:58:16 UTC https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130772311 Lesson 05- discovery Dear Diary,This is..amazing!Fascinating! All of these objects, all of this furniture. I’ve never seen such a thing before! I carefully broke through what needed to be inspected. This is marvellous; it holds so much history within its crevices - well of course, it’s ancient. The groggy rocks hissed and crumbled down, there was suddenly a revolting, sickening, pungent smell. I realised that this was my queue to go. I didn’t feel welcomed here, at all and I shouldn’t be here at all! If I were to be found here, when i was told not to, there will be serious consequences I’m facing, for even crossing this noble plot’s path.I will make a return with my assistants and we will observe and examine everything. https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130784252 2021-01-27 10:01:43 UTC https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130784252 Dear Diary,This is..amazing!Fascinating! All of these objects, all of this furniture. I’ve never seen such a thing before! I carefully broke through what needed to be inspected. This is marvellous; it holds so much history within its crevices - well of course, it’s ancient. The groggy rocks hissed and crumbled down, there was suddenly a revolting, sickening, pungent smell. I realised that this was my queue to go. I didn’t feel welcomed here, at all and I shouldn’t be here at all! If I were to be found here, when i was told not to, there will be serious consequences I’m facing, for even crossing this noble plot’s path.I will make a return with my assistants and we will observe and examine everything. https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130788585 - lesson 5 discovery ]]> 2021-01-27 10:02:54 UTC https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130788585 REDRAFT: SUBHAN https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130823710 Me and Carnavan had just returned to the tomb. We discovered many interesting and wonderful discoveries . I have something which gives me a strong instinct that these aren’t just any normal treasures it’s something beyond that. From the smallest detail we can tell how rare this is. We possibly have discovered the rarest ever artefact. These treasures are extremely high in value ]]> 2021-01-27 10:12:51 UTC https://padlet.com/cilomee/2ooxo8q9p7znelof/wish/1130823710