https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f Here, you can give me specific and valuable feedback on all of my writing pieces throughout the year! As you comment, please remember to be kind with your words. However, as you offer "Two Stars and a Wish," constructive criticism is certainly welcome! en-us 2022-10-21 13:55:25 UTC 2025-11-06 15:35:19 UTC hello@padlet.com https://padlet.net/icons/png/1f649.png 29bjakab https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2354170768 One thing that you did well in your memoir was how you described the setting and what you felt in this small moment. You said that the snow was whiter than white and your boots were like torture devices on your feet. I really liked that simile. Another thing that I liked about your piece was the metaphors you used like the pines were statues that stood out or my skis were two hard-working machines. It really gave me a good idea of where you were and how you felt. But one thing I think you need to work on is at the beginning of the memoir where you said when and where this happened. Maybe you could be more descriptive about that. Great job though. :)]]> 2022-10-24 18:35:21 UTC https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2354170768 https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2355552071 A strength in your memoir from my observation is that you used such good figurative language for example when you said “the trees were taunting at me” or even when you said “my boots were trapping me like torture devices” it was very descriptive when you said that just did fantastic on figurative lanuguage in addition your title for your memoir “lost” was a super good choice because it can wounder the reader on what going to happen hence making them read your memoir that was good however a sussgestion I have for you is to describe your setting a bit more like if the reader of never saw a ski resort before  so the reader can visualize on what happening ]]> 2022-10-25 14:26:33 UTC https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2355552071 https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2403719994 A strength you had in you narrtive from my observation was how you introduce your intro for example your introduction you started with your narrative with what going to happen in your narrative hence hooking the reader into your narrative and you even used a flash forward in the beginning which made your intro even better in addition you did good punctuation and good inner thoughts it made me feel like I was with you in the narrative to top it off you ending had a really good plot twist that satisfied the reader but however your intro was very long that it also kind of made it a bit bland for example there wasn't that much action in the intro to keep the reader hooked but all the other parts of your story is awesome I enjoyed reading your story was a honor to read your narrative :D

]]> 2022-11-30 15:20:00 UTC https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2403719994 29bjakab https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2405654876 Hi Csongor! One thing you did well in your narrative “Shoes that do weird stuff” was your hook. It was loaded with figurative language and it was really funny when I read it.Another thing you did well on your piece was the part where you and your mom go shoe shopping. I got a really good idea of what the setting looked like with the load of figurative language. A third thing you did well on your story is creativity. You made a very creative story and I really liked it. Great Job! :)

]]> 2022-12-01 19:24:43 UTC https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2405654876 29bjakab https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2435050196 Hi! A strength of your persuasive paragraph was the Explanation part. You described the anecdote real well, from which I could really tell what was in the scene. Another thing that I liked was that you were really convincing. Awesome job! :D]]> 2023-01-05 19:23:20 UTC https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2435050196 https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2487369126 Overall, your writing is well-organized and effectively presents your argument in favor of allowing kids to play video games. You begin with a relatable scenario and build a compelling case with evidence and examples to support your claims. One suggestion for improvement would be to revise some of your sentences for clarity and conciseness. For example, the sentence "Why should parents treat their kids like this?" could be rewritten as "Why should kids be treated this way?" This would make the sentence more concise and easier to read. Additionally, there are a few moments where your language could be more formal or academic. For instance, the phrase "pack of hyenas" may be seen as informal or overly dramatic in an academic setting. Try to use language that is more precise and objective to convey your message effectively. Overall, great job on presenting a convincing argument in support of video games for kids!]]> 2023-02-19 03:16:13 UTC https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2487369126 https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2489827385 You’re essay is very strong Csongor! I agree with you. Your description is above average. I think that readers can really understand what you want to say. Also I really like your ending. It is VERY strong! However I think you could add more transition words to make the reader feel more. ]]> 2023-02-21 14:55:50 UTC https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2489827385 https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2490181209 A strength of your essay, “Video Games: The Unexpected Wonder” was your first part of the introduction paragraph. The hook was really descriptive and powerful, and it supports your claim later on in the essay. Another strength was the conclusion paragraph. The Look to the future part puts an image in the reader’s mind and sees the world in destruction and despair because parents wouldn’t let their children play games. The reader would’ve been very convinced to make a change about this issue, rather than just doing nothing. I really liked your essay, but I think that one of the weak spots was the anecdote in the first paragraph. Instead of saying that the boy is staring into space, describe it! You could describe the boy losing focus, getting into his own world, not having a care in the world about what is going on in the classroom.]]> 2023-02-21 19:22:45 UTC https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2490181209 https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2491683131 A strength of your essay, “Pets in the Classroom: Good or Bad?” was the hook of your introduction paragraph. It really got my attention and the reader would really be persuaded to read further. Another strength was the CEES paragraphs, especially the anecdotes. I could really imagine the scene in my head, the bully in the principal’s office, sitting in a chair, the hamster in the cage. However, one thing that I would’ve changed was the conclusion. I feel like you could’ve made it longer and not so rushed. Overall, you drafted a really strong essay despite the limited time!]]> 2023-02-22 20:09:10 UTC https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2491683131 https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2493127600  Hi, Chongi! in your essay I saw a lot of elaborate and descriptive anecdotes you had. Which made it overall very engaging to the reader. Additionally, I saw how incorporate some metaphor, smiles etc in your essay. Overall, it made your essay sound better. However, I saw you said "This scene shows everything YOU need to know." The mistake you made was when you said "You," also your zinger does really relate to your argument for animals that should remain in classes. But overall, it is a well developed 90 minute essay.]]> 2023-02-23 20:48:42 UTC https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2493127600 29mgibki https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2523670805 One thing you did well was your 1st explanation. You showed how your evidence related to your theme and you were very descriptive. Another thing you did well was your sum up. It stated your claim but in different words so it wasn't the exact same. One thing to work on is your 2nd evidence. I think you could have been a bit more descriptive.]]> 2023-03-20 14:26:02 UTC https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2523670805 29dsanchez https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2524006313 One star I have for your Pixar short paragraph is that your claim was very good. It was a very important life lesson that people go through all the time. Another star I have for you is that you stayed in present tense for a lot of the paragraph which is good because it helps make more sense. A wish I have for you is that you could’ve added a bit more evidence to help give the reader a better understanding of the short. ]]> 2023-03-20 17:32:33 UTC https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2524006313 https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2524075772 Hello, Chongii! A strength of your paragraph was your Explanation parts. They were extremely detailed and really explained what the theme meant. Also, another thing I liked was the transition words sprinkled all over the essay.  I really liked the words “additionally” and “in summary.” A third thing I liked about this paragraph was how you incorporated the evidence. It was so detailed and descriptive, and it sounded very accurate. Wonderful job crafting this paragraph!]]> 2023-03-20 18:18:25 UTC https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2524075772 29echen https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2524094031 One thing that was a strength in your analysis paragraph, “Lifted Theme,” was the explanation. You proved that the evidence relates to the theme and you stated why the evidence matters in your own words clearly. Another thing that I liked in your paragraph was the way you ended your paragraph. Your sum-it-up was great since it summed everything up and wrapped everything clearly, which is great! However, a change that you could make to your analysis paragraph was to not repeat the same words. You repeated the word “conveys,” in your claim and your sum-it-up. Another word that you repeated too often was the word “important.”]]> 2023-03-20 18:30:40 UTC https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2524094031 https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2530810641 Hi Csongor! A strength of your paragraph was how you elaborated on your Explanation parts. You clearly stated the theme and why it is important in life. You also showed what the evidence means and why it matters. Another thing that I liked about your paragraph was the claim and sum up sentence. They were also elaborate and clearly stated the theme and the Pixar Short title.  A third thing I liked was the evidence. It was thorough and stated the Pixar Title and the timestamp. ]]> 2023-03-24 18:37:45 UTC https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2530810641 https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2533167110 Hi, Csonger I liked the theme in your on demand analysis to always think before you act.  Additionally, your transitions were not repetitive and made a lot of sense with the transitions usage alongside your transitions all together made a good impact on the theme analysis. Lastly, I loved how all your words were present tense. All in all,  there is nothing wrong. I found  it was really good, nice job Chongi!]]> 2023-03-27 14:07:08 UTC https://padlet.com/29cjakab/2jgs3lycgg7iaw0f/wish/2533167110