Jaydens' Writing Feedback by Jayden Baldera https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u HELP ME en-us 2018-09-28 15:06:44 UTC 2020-02-05 15:16:54 UTC hello@padlet.com https://padlet-uploads.storage.googleapis.com/318690976/8846291cc86eadba6e48666e04488770/download.jpeg 25lcrain https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/313896575 Hi Jayden, I just wanted to pop by to tell you what an amazing job you did on the story, I loved the Choices of your word choice it was awesome, another thing I really enjoyed was how you made it so the charterer was talking to himself throughout the story, if there was one thing I think you could touch up on it would be punctuation, but besides that everything was awesome, From Lola]]> 2018-12-12 15:52:52 UTC https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/313896575 Fictional Narrative 25mreilly https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/313900459 Great story! You had really good word choice which made your story so much more better. Also I liked how your story was very action packed. However I think maybe you should clarify at the end if your characters dad was evil or not because that confused me a little. Overall good job]]> 2018-12-12 15:59:35 UTC https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/313900459 25apittman https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/313900733 I liked your story a lot. I loved how you added how he was feeling and also good word choices! There was a lot of action but when I was reading I was kind of finding myself lost. There was just so much going on. The advice I would give is just to put more detail in. Overall, I liked it.]]> 2018-12-12 16:00:01 UTC https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/313900733 Writing Narrative ( E ) 25tryder https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/313906418 Your Story was a very entertaining one! I love all of the characters, and how weird and crazy the world around them is. The Humor is also great! I was laughing too myself a lot throughout the story. My only problem is that it felt a little too short. Maybe an extra page describing the world would be good. Other then that, a fantastic story!]]> 2018-12-12 16:09:37 UTC https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/313906418 Fictional Narrative 25akoseoglu https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/315580947 I really liked the story Jayden! I really love how you added time travel and Zachary’s feelings/thoughts. I loved all of the humour and the action! My wish is that you described Zachary a little more. I got a little lost in some parts of the story for example “it began to rain the drops looked like mini bombs coming from the sky”]]> 2018-12-18 16:12:40 UTC https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/315580947 Persuasive Essay 25spoliseo https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/347206782 Bravo :) ! Excellent job on your essay and really drags me in to believe that we shouldn't recite the pledge. Also, I know get a gist of this topic and I feel like an atheists and what it would be like to be in their shoes. Overall, extroadinary job.]]> 2019-04-01 14:46:32 UTC https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/347206782 Persuasive Essay 25vprizgar https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/347666739 You chose a awesome topic, I never thought about people that are a certain religion, that can say the pledge. But as I was reading your essay you said pledge many times especially in your opening paragraph. Maybe you can change pledge into say, speak, ect. Overall you did a Great Job!! ]]> 2019-04-02 14:59:21 UTC https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/347666739 25askolar https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/348561283 Good evidence, good job with reasons. Your finally someone that thinks we should not have to say the pledge of aligence.]]> 2019-04-04 14:57:10 UTC https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/348561283 Descriptive Writing 25jocana https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/365658510 Firstly, I can practically hear you telling this story. It captures your essence swimmingly. This is exactly what I expect from you, the twists and random events and the dark setting yet light-hearted story telling adds that feel of Jayden. The comparisons are also a great aspect of the story. One thing that could be changed that’ll make this better is the pacing. It just seems to go so fast.]]> 2019-06-04 17:51:48 UTC https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/365658510 Descriptive Writing 25nleversee https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/365868537 You made the description of your piece perfect and used lots of details. Also you had a good hyphenated modifier in the last couple sentences of your writing. My one wish is that you made the sentences have a little more flow.

]]> 2019-06-05 14:39:48 UTC https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/365868537 DW Writing 25jhuynh1 https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/365869874 stars-I loved that you said you can feel aching and mild pain and the part about the duck looking like an Olympic swimmer following the fish. Another star was when you described the layer under the pebbles.
wish-I wished that you put in more feelings and your emotions. 

]]> 2019-06-05 14:43:42 UTC https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/365869874 DW 25mreilly https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/365870754 Good job with your story. I like how you described how you were feeling when you were in the evil layer. You did a good job with comparing how you were feeling when you were in the layer to other things like stubbing your toe. I didn't really understand the story and didn't know what was happening so maybe next time you should make it more clear, but overall good job.]]> 2019-06-05 14:46:39 UTC https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/365870754 25askolar https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/365875101 I like how you describe the fish flopping on the floor.I like how you describe the fishes secret lair under the rocks. I don’t really under stand if your fish were saved. ]]> 2019-06-05 15:02:12 UTC https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/365875101 De 25spoliseo https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/365875212 2019-06-05 15:02:38 UTC https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/365875212 Descriptive Writing 25spoliseo https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/365875218 I adored your description and comedy. As I read the story I could the fish on the floor and the you panicking and also when the fish was in the bowl swimming around. Great Job. Additionally, when you were using the onomatopoeia I was laughing because of how funny it was. I wish you added more work to your piece because I felt like it was unfinished. Overall, great job!]]> 2019-06-05 15:02:38 UTC https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/365875218 25ephillips https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/365875672 I liked the plot where the cute little duck was the bad guy. The description of how you feel in the lair is really good. If you had described what the laier looked like it could have been a little better]]> 2019-06-05 15:04:06 UTC https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/365875672 DW writing 25akoseoglu https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/365876676 I like how you started with onomatopoeia it makes me want to continue reading. I really liked your description, for example, “The colorful pebbles soon start spilling…” If I would to have a wish it would be to celebrate because it didn’t make sense, how did the fish have a liar? How did the duck get a pistol? And in the beginning you should write ‘fishbowl’ instead of ‘bowl’ so the readers understand. Overall, good job Jayden!]]> 2019-06-05 15:07:56 UTC https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/365876676 https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/367509631 the way you described  the fish bol falling over is good
 the way you described the duck was good 
could you describe the ducks liar more 

]]> 2019-06-14 00:39:54 UTC https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/367509631 Hey yeeyeey https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/367967610 Hey Mr Jayden. I loved your story! The duck parts were hilarious!!! It was an incredible story. I loved how the duck turned evil. The description of the duck made me laugh and be surprised.  The description was sooo good. I could feel how frantic the guy was! I just wish you made it a little better on the transitions. It seems sloppy whenit goes too fast.]]> 2019-06-17 18:13:47 UTC https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/367967610 Suspense Narrative 25pkoleemmanuel https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/419683488 Star 1. I really the description in your lead it really hooks the reader and helps them understand the setting better because you're describing it. Star 2. I think you describe the struggle well when he got fired and he needed money to survive. Wish. I think your story gets confusing at times because it seems a bit rushed and at times I was confused but overall good story!]]> 2019-12-04 15:18:16 UTC https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/419683488 Persuasive Essay 25iboland https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/440966806 I like how you chose a topic that is important for the environment and everyone. You put points on why people need to stop it in your essay which is good. The topic you chose is a good one because of it's urgency and importance which is more important than some other essays because it needs to happen and is not just wanted to. One thing I hope or is that you add to your essay in the future when you write. This is because you left out some key parts in areas of the essay and it wasn't as strong due to that and other things.]]> 2020-02-05 15:11:50 UTC https://padlet.com/25jbaldera/1yvfvchyck0u/wish/440966806