Observations by Katy De Sousa https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx Made with fortitude en-us 2018-09-06 15:51:03 UTC 2025-11-16 00:38:33 UTC hello@padlet.com The students could have added more evidence in the fourth paragraph. They could have supported the idea better that there was statistical data to back up the opinions of the interviewees. https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983411424 2020-12-03 12:38:32 UTC https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983411424 the quotations are fully embedded into the response and it doesn't say, in the article "...." followed by evidence. https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983417864 2020-12-03 12:41:14 UTC https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983417864 the student could've added more examples of the differences between the formal languages. they could've backed up their claims more with more evidence https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983418433 2020-12-03 12:41:30 UTC https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983418433 It could have commented on the different points of view. The original piece uses first person and the commentary uses second person. https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983418765 2020-12-03 12:41:38 UTC https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983418765 There could have been quotations to further describe how the tone is authoritative at the end of paragraph 5 https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983419398 2020-12-03 12:41:55 UTC https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983419398 https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983422141 The student portrayed their points by frequently using relevant quotes embedded in their comparisons]]> 2020-12-03 12:43:02 UTC https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983422141 https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983422597 The student could have added examples of formal language used by the letter from the employer]]> 2020-12-03 12:43:14 UTC https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983422597 The author could have talked more about the tone of the letter. kn04187 https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983422668 2020-12-03 12:43:16 UTC https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983422668 https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983424562 Could have provided more evidence to elaborate on how London is a 'playground for the rich.' There were many points in the article such as the price of flats and activities in the are.]]> 2020-12-03 12:44:06 UTC https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983424562 The student could have given an example of the authoritative tone https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983424697  ]]> 2020-12-03 12:44:10 UTC https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983424697 tk04430 https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983425367 Paragraph 5 of the student response, commenting on the tone of the letter and the original article, could have had some evidence to support the student's claim.]]> 2020-12-03 12:44:28 UTC https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983425367 The student should have included more sections of direct text to back up their assertions. hg04969 https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983425553 2020-12-03 12:44:32 UTC https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983425553 In the 5th paragraph, the student uses the opening phrase "In contrast" however, they do not use any evidence to support their claim of the letter being personal. The student does say that the letter is in first person, but does not provide an example. Providing an example could have proven their point and made it stronger and more reliable. https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983426069 2020-12-03 12:44:46 UTC https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983426069 The author could have added a small quote in paragraph 4, when discussing the letter and overall tone https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983426250 2020-12-03 12:44:50 UTC https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983426250 The student should have provided more text evidence in order to back up their claim. https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983429214 2020-12-03 12:46:03 UTC https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983429214 The student could have described the author's tone a little more and given examples from the text. mr04104 https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983431572 2020-12-03 12:47:03 UTC https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983431572 cm03155 https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983431737 The student could have added more evidence in the 4th paragraph. But I like how he used the phrase " in contrast in the 5th paragraph, to emphasize he is talking about the other side of the argument.]]> 2020-12-03 12:47:08 UTC https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983431737 https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983432091 The student could have made a point that although London can be described as a 'playground for the rich', it can also be a mistake to leave, because individuals can miss out on opportunity.]]> 2020-12-03 12:47:16 UTC https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983432091 https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983434425 The student could of addressed the authors tone more, while using the author's lexical choice to back up his claims.]]> 2020-12-03 12:48:13 UTC https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983434425 jb00512 https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983434498 The students could've have gave more examples of evidence to back up her ideas and expressions. 

]]> 2020-12-03 12:48:15 UTC https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983434498 bm03199 https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983438394 The student could've also mentioned how the 2nd article mentions "Besides, not everyone can work remotely" to show how she thinks, which is more traditional and not as relatable to young people]]> 2020-12-03 12:49:43 UTC https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983438394 jp04116 https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983441079 The student could have provided more evidence in his writing. He should have given more examples from the text.]]> 2020-12-03 12:50:46 UTC https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/983441079 am032521 https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/992342902 The student could have included more details about the tone in which the author spoke in throughout the passage. They also could have spent less time focusing on the same ideas.]]> 2020-12-06 23:44:41 UTC https://padlet.com/catherinede/1w37pj0l2mx/wish/992342902