Tying The Knot by Nancy Baranski

Introductory Video

nancybaranski — 2023-12-04 22:44:18 UTC

Personal Narrative

nancybaranski — 2023-12-04 23:05:12 UTC

Annotated Bibliography

nancybaranski — 2023-12-04 23:07:15 UTC

Special Sauce

nancybaranski — 2023-12-04 23:14:17 UTC

I created a survey for all of my married/engaged/divorced Facebook friends, and my results were as follows: Question 1 refers to any negative or toxic traits you may have had to unlearn before getting married. My answers were communicating more, less alcohol, (because I used to drink a lot, but I’ve been 17 months sober), shutting down during times of hardship, and trusting my partner. Among the 8 responses, the majority answered independence of self. What this means is not who you are as an individual, but what you choose to do as an individual, and I think most of us can agree on that. Examples include, making executive decisions on your own, making significantly large purchases on your own, going out all hours of the night without any communication, keeping secrets, loyalty and respect. Question 2 refers to how you choose to split the cost of things, and who does what around the house. I wanted this question specifically for my own personal comparison, because sometimes problems arise for me, and instead of running for the hills, (which I often think about), I am interested in how other people resolve these issues, and it puts my mind at ease knowing I am not the only person who feels these things, and it allows me to think a bit more rational. This answer had a 50/50 response. Half of my answers were “very traditional, he/she takes care of the bills, while the other takes care of the house and/or the children”, and the other half was “Equally contributing both financially and physically.” For some people, too much of one side can become overwhelming, but I think the more communication you have with your partner, the easier the chores of life become. I believe that “traditional” makes sense when only one of you is getting up and going to work 8 hours a day, however, when children are involved, it’s 100 percent for both parents, because you are both 100 percent responsible. I believe that It’s better to have a partner who will “divide and conquer” with you, because then you are both ready to relax together, as opposed to watching the other relax while you still have 10,000 things to do. I feel like moments like those create resentment, and communication can help avoid that. Question number 3, how has marriage changed you as a person? This was another one I was interested in for my own personal reasons, because there was a lot of stuff I had to change in order to become a better partner, and again, I don’t mean change who I am as a person, but things I had to think of my partner first, before making a decision for, and hearing from other people just solidified the significance of that. Amongst all my responses, the most common was just that, decision making and mindfulness of your partner, whatever your situation may entail. Questions 4-6 begs the critical question, how do you know you’re ready for marriage? Did you have any doubts? What does marriage mean to you? These responses were all different in their own ways. Particular responses from 1 individual I found to be the most interesting. From anonymous' ', “I knew I was ready for marriage because he is a part of me, I have known and loved my husband for over 22 years. There was never any doubt in marrying him, but the most scary part was the beginning because we were afraid of changing what we had. Were we going to ruin our relationship? Marriage isn’t spiritual or religious to me. Marriage is a commitment and understanding of you and your person in ways that no one else ever will.” and what I loved most about this response was their readiness to take that leap into the unknown. Love overpowered any other doubt they may have had and I think that is beautiful. For questions 7 and 8, I wanted to finish off by asking what everyone is curious to know! What do you do in times of disagreement? What is the one thing you dislike the most that your partner does? Majority of the answers for number 7 were talking it out, and coming to an agreement together. Some added it’s not always pretty, we can lose our temper, others added they would sometimes say things in the heat of the moment that they didn’t mean, and amongst those that are still happily married, it’s easy to understand that not everyone is perfect. It’s good to find balance in a partner because things can get ugly very quickly. Much like the elements, you cannot fight fire with fire, it’s not going to work. For question 8, some of these responses made me laugh, because we all have something that drives us nuts. One response was “snoring”, and while that person can’t help it, it’s cute that this is also something they love the most about their partner. Another response was tickling their upset partner. I found this hilarious because my partner and I also do this, not every time when we are clearly extremely upset, but minor annoyances. Does it help? Not really! But it’s still funny.

Original Art

nancybaranski — 2023-12-04 23:19:51 UTC

What started out as a doodle, became this whole picture. I used a lot of paint, and a photo editor to make it more crisp. This picture is of a woman clearly uncomfortable, biting her nails, and reading "Marriage For Dummies." I wanted to portray a feeling of uncertainty (in regards to marriage), she's nervous, she's got anxiety, she's not really sure what to do. Is she ready for marriage?

Findings

nancybaranski — 2023-12-04 23:21:06 UTC

Visual Image #1

nancybaranski — 2023-12-04 23:25:33 UTC

Much like planning a wedding, this picture is a bit chaotic. There’s my fiancée and I right in the middle, excited for our future. And then there’s me, in my constant internal battle between comparisons to Corpse bride, and the bride of Frankenstein. On one hand I know I am wholeheartedly ready for marriage, all I want is love and to be loved, and live my happily ever after. On the other hand I feel like a zombie, I’m screaming, terrified, I have no idea what is going on or what I’m doing, and I feel like I need to seek destruction through my stubbornness toward man; it’s a tug-of-war really. The dragonfly and butterfly's represent freedom, and my need for independence, and the roses represent passion, love, and romance. Parts of me feel like I do not have an “in-between”, and therein lies my critical question, “how do you know you’re ready for marriage

Visual Image #2

nancybaranski — 2023-12-04 23:28:28 UTC

Thoughts and worries, and emotions stuck on repeat in this quick little doodle I made. If I could hit the pause button, even for a second, I would cry tears of joy. I try to be the best version of myself for my partner, but I am always in my own way. Fears of “am I doing enough? Am I a good mother? Am I a good partner?” I sometimes feel like I am too much for him. I worry about how he is feeling, and whether he is happy or not. He has proven time and again how much he cares about me, and his readiness for marriage, but it’s me who seems to be going crazy. “How do you know you’re ready for marriage?” While this question comes with many layers, what I do know is spending a lifetime with someone involves all the good…. as well as the bad.

Visual Image #3

nancybaranski — 2023-12-04 23:30:25 UTC

This is a cute little google search I found. I’m not sure who the artist is, but I do know it’s from a book called “The 5 Love Languages” by author Gary Chapman. The thought of marriage isn’t always scary because most days are great, and I feel like this picture describes that feeling of being in love. “How do you know you’re ready for marriage?” It’s been almost a decade we’ve been together, and almost 7 years of engagement. If we are still capable of feeling those butterfly flutters, I think that is a pretty good sign.

Visual Image #4

nancybaranski — 2023-12-04 23:32:26 UTC

A part of my marriage journey is unlearning toxic behaviors. Amongst many things I have learned throughout my relationship, embracing the positive changes have made me a much stronger person, not only for myself, but for my partner as well. Much like a dandelion, my perseverance has led me to beautiful outcomes. “How do you know you’re ready for marriage?” Maintaining a positive headspace allows me to make reasonable decisions that are both loving, and respectful. “The dandelion, often dismissed as a mere weed, is a fascinating and meaningful symbol of hope, strength, and transformation. By embracing the dandelion meaning, we can learn to appreciate these resilient flowers for their rich cultural significance and their powerful message of perseverance.” –Unknown

Visual Image #5

nancybaranski — 2023-12-04 23:39:48 UTC

Pictured here is a photo of my boys and I. I wanted a special piece of artwork from them. (I was just showing them how to blend colors). Moments like these remind me that, (although I know I am not perfect) there will always be perfect moments. The two taller ones are my fiancés boys. If uncertainty for my readiness in marriage is what terrifies me, this is a perfect example of why it doesn’t. Without a shadow of a doubt, I would do anything for them. “How do you know you’re ready for marriage?” I know that my commitment in loving and protecting these boys are absolutely 1000 percent.

Self Reflection

nancybaranski — 2023-12-04 23:50:36 UTC

(And please forgive my jumbled thought process, I hope it made sense) I just wanted to add that amongst all the things that could help you decide whether you are ready for marriage or not, are only helpful if you believe they are. Every relationship is different, every person is different. As long as you and your partner are happy doing whatever it is that you do, nothing else matters, I mean it does, but those things just have their own way of working themselves out. As long as the two of you are invested and willing in your relationship/marriage, you will have a beautiful life together. Marriage, to me, means committing your mind body and spirit to one special person who speaks to your soul. It's an unbreakable bond of love, and respect, and joy, and friendship. I knew I was ready for marriage long before I "knew". My thought process caused a lot of anxiety, but through this project, I was able to overcome that by making time for myself to "reflect", so thank you for that.