As Pierrot becomes more involved with the Nazi regime, he also becomes more distant from his aunt. When Pierrot’s aunt dies he is indirectly responsible but he doesent realize the gravity of what he has done and he feels no remorse. Afterward, pierrot attends a party where he proceeds to assault arguably the friend his age Katrina. Then Emma the cook slaps him this moment is very charged and is what breaks him he starts crying at the things he has done the trauma he got from his actions the trauma he deflected. 

Pierrot finally realizes the magnitude and evil of the Nazi cause, and he is determined to make amends for his actions. Even after he leaves the Berghof he knows the things he did and tries to reconcile he looks back at the people he left that's why he sends Ernest’s sister a letter that's why he goes back to France and then the orphanage. He is simply trying to piece everything together by retracing his path. He wants closure on his life at the Berghof but he simply hates himself too much. He wants the life he had before everything but deep down he knows he can’t have it and that’s the reason he tells his story. In the end, pierrot is simply trying to find where he belongs in the world. 

By Adit