After the darkness of the night in a storm there will be the sun and the light of day. He’s been in recovery and has made it to his 21st birthday. “In September, Nic celebrates his  year of sobriety. As much as a child’s birthday is important to a parent, as much as twenty-one meant to me, a year in recovery means more.” (213).  This milestone in Nic’s addiction journey was both hopeful and joyful to David. A year of sobriety was a year of Nic being drug free and living. Seeing Nic turn twenty-one was just as joyous and hopeful because David feared his son would die from his addiction before another birthday. He can now live with less anxiety and the constant fear of what his son is getting himself into. 

Even though David was in the hospital after a brain hemorrhage, his only thoughts and concerns were for his son Nic. “The drugs do not allay my terror. I want to call him to be sure that he is all right.” (243) David was so consumed with Nic’s well being he could not even focus on his own health and recovery. He had created an addiction of his own obsessing over Nic .He had been so caught up in Nics life that at a moment of his suffering all he could think about was his son.

Another self destructive trait of David’s was to be consumed by Nic and his addiction. “ Where is Nic? I cannot take this any longer. And yet every time I think I can’t take any more, I do.” (218). David was so fixated on Nic’s life and well-being, he lost sight of his own. Eventually David realized that his obsession with Nic was destroying his life with his family. No one knew if Nic was alive or dead, he would not answer his phone. The younger children would ask if Nic was using drugs and David could no longer face this harsh reality and realized in order to be with the family he had he needed to give up on trying to save Nic.

The beach is my happy place. “The best set of the day comes rolling in and we catch one more wave apiece and ride into the beach, where Nic joins Jasper in building a sand-and-driftwood Hobbit Shire decorated with kelp and seashells.” (72). The beach has always been David’s place. It was his place to go in both happy and sad times. The beach brought him comfort in knowing that he had great memories. 

“We deny the severity of our loved one’s problem not because we are naive, but because we can’t know.” (16)  Again David is trying to make sense of Nic’s addiction and not take the blame for him being an addict and just be responsible for loving his son. 

“Our children live or die with or without us. No matter what we do, no matter how we agonize or obsess, we cannot choose for our children whether they live or die. It is a devastating realization, but also liberating. I finally chose life for myself.” (317). This was a turning point for David when he realized he could love Nic with his whole heart and still have no control over Nic’s fate.

I found these quotes to be beautiful words because it exemplifies a parent’s unconditional love for his child. No matter how broken Nic was to the world, David loved him with his whole heart. These words are also beautiful because they can seem sad. Although David loves Nic no matter what, he realizes that he needs to let Nic go because his love for Nic is too much of a burden on him and his family.