ɪ ꜱᴀɪᴅ ꜱᴏʀʀʏ ... 🔖 by ۶୧˙

🔪 | Tᵃᵇˡᵉ Oᶠ Cᵒⁿᵗᵉⁿᵗˢ *⋆

dearmortuary — 2022-03-07 01:05:04 UTC

❋ Chapter 1 ❋
তততততততততততত

💗 ⑅ 🅰🅽🅶🅴🆁
🧡 ⑅ нαρριηєѕѕ / ɱıҳɛɖ ʄɛɛƖıŋɠʂ
💚 ⑅ 𝙳𝚒𝚜𝚐𝚞𝚜𝚝
💙 ⑅ Sₐ_dₙₑₛₛ
💜 ⑅ 𝐿𝑜𝓋𝑒
🖤 ⑅ Hσρҽʅҽʂʂɳҽʂʂ

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

🔪 | Tᵃᵇˡᵉ Oᶠ Cᵒⁿᵗᵉⁿᵗˢ *⋆

dearmortuary — 2022-03-07 01:05:33 UTC

❋ Chapter 2 ❋
তততততততততততত
🍽 ⑅ ꜰᴏᴏᴅ/ᴇᴀᴛɪɴɢ ᴅɪꜱᴏʀᴅᴇʀ ᴛᴡ
🔪 ⑅ ꜱʜ ᴛᴡ
🈳 ⑅ ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ᴏꜰ ꜱᴜ1ᴄ1ᴅ3
🤬 ⑅ ꜱʟᴜʀꜱ ᴛᴡ
🍭 ⑅ ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏꜰ ʀ4ᴘ3 ᴛᴡ
🍶 ⑅ ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏꜰ ᴀʟᴄᴏʜᴏʟ ᴛᴡ
🍄 ⑅ ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏꜰ ᴅʀᴜɢꜱ ᴛᴡ
🤕 ⑅ ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏꜰ @ʙᴜꜱ3 _TW
🌸 ⑅ ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏꜰ ᴛʀᴀᴜᴍᴀ _TW
🧍‍♂️ ⑅ ʙᴏᴅʏ ᴅʏꜱᴍᴏʀᴘʜɪᴀ ᴛᴡ
🤥 ⑅ ꜰᴀᴄᴇ ᴅʏꜱᴍᴏʀᴘʜɪᴀ ᴛᴡ
🎭 ⑅ ɴꜱꜰᴡ ɪᴍᴀɢᴇʀʏ ᴛᴡ
❓ ⑅ ᴜɴꜱᴜʀᴇ

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

✤ "𝚈𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚃𝚘𝚍𝚊𝚢, 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚃𝚘𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚠." ✤

dearmortuary — 2022-03-07 02:03:04 UTC

TW ~ 🤕

Yesterday, he hurt me.
Today, I'm hurting.
Tomorrow, he expects me to forgive so easily.

My dad used to be very verbally abusive towards me and my mother, it being mostly directed towards her. Can you imagine being a child in your room, hearing the screaming and wailing of both your parents.
He took my childhood away. I can't even remember what my childhood was like, just bits and pieces of the screaming and yelling. And then he expects me to forgive him. I never got the right to have a childhood because of him. I can't have that back, thanks to you. I blame you. But you're nothing more than the monster in my head.

Where have all my memories gone?...

✤ "𝟸 𝚋𝚒𝚛𝚍𝚜 𝚘𝚗 𝚊 𝚠𝚒𝚛𝚎~..." ✤

dearmortuary — 2022-03-07 17:43:36 UTC

TW ~ 🔪 & 🧍‍♂️

One tries to fly away and the other watches him close from that wire. He says he wants to as well but he is a liar.

I hate this body. It's not my skin, it belongs to someone else. I don't want it anymore. I want to be free from it. Please let me out. I've tried so hard to cut a whole for my soul to be released. Why can't I leave this disgusting body of mine?

I want my body back...

✤ "𝙷𝚎 𝚜𝚊𝚒𝚍 𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚍 𝚖𝚎, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚎𝚏𝚝." ✤

dearmortuary — 2022-03-11 18:24:09 UTC

TW ~ ❓

He said he'd stay, and then he was gone.

You ever just get left multiple times by the ones you love most and it's led you to believe that you're the bad person, even though deep down you know it's them who are the bad people.
I just wish there was a singular person on this entire planet who loved me in a romantic way who was a genuinely nice and good person, y'know?

They never loved me, huh?

✤ " 𝚆𝚑𝚘... 𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚊𝚖 𝙸? " ✤

dearmortuary — 2022-03-15 01:59:33 UTC

TW ~ 🧍‍♂️ , 🤥 , 🔪 , ❓

I need to purge my urges, shame, shame, shame.

Who am I? What am I? I'm such a nasty creature. No far beyond it. Something far incomprehensible, not a single soul would know.

So I try to get rid of me. I try to poke and prod at my arms until they fall off. I try to slice away at my legs until they are ripped to shreds.

I want to rip off this face, this delicate little face that doesn't belong to me. So out of proportion, tired and wrecked. How do you smile again? I forgot.

Shit, shit, shit.
I WANT TO SCREAM,,,
I want to cry...
Someone end me.
I'm not even me.
Who was me again?

My gums are showing. I don't care...

✤ " 𝙼𝚊𝚖𝚊, 𝚠𝚑𝚢 𝚊𝚖 𝙸 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚎𝚗𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 . . . ? " ✤

dearmortuary — 2022-03-22 18:41:05 UTC

TW ~ 🈳 & 🔪

NOT FAIR!! WHY WON'T YOU FORGIVE ME!? WHEN YOU FORGIVE YOURSELF RIGHT AWAY!!

I want to slowly sink to the bottom of a pool. Watching everything I ever loved stare at me from above with hateful eyes, is painful.
Please, take my pain away. I don't want to feel anymore. It hurts.
It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts.
I want it to end. Please help. Help. Help, help, help, help, help, help.
No, I don't deserve this help. I deserve to keep sinking. I deserve to watch myself bleed out. I deserve this.
I deserved every last bit of this pain I feel.
I don't want it anymore though. It's too much. Take it away. I'm begging. Take it away.
Take it away, take it away, take it away, take it away, take it away, take it away, take it away.

I want to die.
I know I'm selfish.
But, it won't matter if I'm gone.
At least I won't be hurting anymore.

My vision is blurred by the blood from my arms.

✤ QUICK PSA ✤

dearmortuary — 2022-03-22 18:59:37 UTC

Not everyone who has a heart for others, has a heart for themselves.
When you see someone who cares for others more than anyone you've ever seen, they've probably been in more pain than you could ever imagine.
The reason they hide their feelings and care for others instead of themselves? Because they know how painful it is, and would never want anyone else to go through that.

✤ "𝚃𝚠𝚘 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚜, 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚜𝚔𝚢 . . ." ✤ 💌

dearmortuary — 2022-04-21 18:40:42 UTC

TW ~ ❓

I love you my darling, to the moon and back.

This is a note to my darling little budding blossom, Daisy.
I'll be writing notes to others, but I'm starting with her because she's leaving soon.

You are such a wonderful person, and I wouldn't trade the world for you. You're silly and passionate, and every second I spend with you is like floating on clouds. I know this is sappy, but I really don't know any other way to convey my feelings for you. You're beautiful, you're funny, you're creative, you're everything that I could never deserve in any of my lifetimes. I'm glad we're together and that I was given the chance to be apart of your life. And I'm glad you're apart of mine. Before the time you leave, I want to spend every second of it with you. If you ever miss me, close your eyes and concentrate. If you feel warmth, I'm there with you giving you a big hug to let you know everything's alright and that you're doing amazing. I love you with all my heart and soul, Daisy-chan.

Sincerely, and yours truly, Sho ~ 💌

Keep growing, soon you'll bloom.

✤ "𝙰 𝚜𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚊𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛." ✤ 💌

dearmortuary — 2022-04-21 20:34:39 UTC

TW ~ ❓

Being small doesn't make you weak, it only changes your perspective.

Next note goes to my friend and son, River.
Ounce again, I'm writing notes for multiple people, so please wait because you might be next.

Hey rivvy, I just wanted to start with how much of an impact you've made on my life. You're not only just a wonderful friend, but I care for you so much as if you were my own child. I may not always be there for you when needed, but I always try my best when I am. We've gone through so much and I'm happy we have, both good and bad. You've taught me that caring for others makes me happy. You've also given me confidence in my agere and shown me that it isn't something to be embarrassed or guilty about.
You have no idea how much you mean to me, and how much of a wonderful person you are.

I love you, rivvy.
Sincerely, and yours truly, Sho ~ 💌

“It is not flesh and blood, but heart which makes us father and son.”

✤ "𝙼𝚊𝚢𝚋𝚎 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚊𝚢 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍𝚋𝚢𝚎?" ✤

dearmortuary — 2022-04-25 17:52:30 UTC

TW ~ 🔪 & 🈳

Hopefully, I won't wake up this time...

It keeps getting louder and louder.
Someone shut it up, be quiet.
I can't hear myself anymore.
"Purge your body, your innocent little soul. Drive a knife through yourself, don't let it go."
But, my love. My love for them is too strong. It's fading though, bit by bit. I'm being selfish? Either way, I'm selfish.
I don't want to leave them. They need me, I need them...
But it's burning, it's hurting, it stings.
I want to continue to see them. I want to continue to hear them. I can't hurt them. They're too precious. But it's hurting more by the second.
Why do I feel this way?
Since when did I feel this way?

What changed?...

Flowers flow from my eyes, drip drip drip all my tears have been used up.

✤ "𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚞𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚛𝚘𝚠..." ✤ 🎭

dearmortuary — 2022-04-25 20:53:06 UTC

TW ~ 🎭 & 🔪 (?)

"The sound of my heartbeat gets weaker and weaker, as the growth of my pain grows larger and larger."

I drew a bit of vent art to distract myself and hoped it would help my hands quit shaking. It's not my best work, but that's not the point of it anyways. I can feel my pain growing larger inside me, and it hurts my chest, I can feel the weight becoming larger and heavier.
The shaking stopped a little, but I still feel the sharp roots of my hurting. I want to stop it... Someone end me....

"Feeling the weight of my pain grow in my chest."

✤ IMPORTANT !! ✤

dearmortuary — 2022-05-22 04:22:49 UTC

TW ~ 🔪 , 🈳 , 🍄 , 🧍‍♂️/🤥 , 🍶 , 🌸 , 🤕 , 🍽

This post will feature many heavy and/or triggering topics. If things like these make you uncomfortable please skip out on this one.
Reader discretion is advised.

- MAKE SURE TO READ TILL THE END -

So, there's some stuff I'd like to talk about that happened today.
Just recently someone that I didn't know to well, but close to some of my closest and dearest friends tried to take their life.
This is serious. If any of you feel that you need to end it like they did please don't do it. It's not worth it. (If you're wondering, yes, they are alive and mostly okay.)
I have gone through experiences in my life similar to this, depression, anxiety, low self-worth, SH, and even sU/c/D3.
Due to past trauma in my life of an abusive household I have tried to O/D on many occasions before, starve to the point of anorexia, abuse alcohol, tried slitting my wrist so much to the point of bleeding to death.
Upon a few other things that I don't want to mention since they are much more graphic than these ones.
I don't want to see another follow down this path because I'd hate to see someone go through what I did. It's the only reason I hold this kindness in my heart is because I know what that pain is like. Don't try it. I'm here for you all. Just as I know you're all here for me.

End.

If you're thinking about sU/c/D3, please seek help. If you live in the U.S. , here is a 24/7 Su/C/d3 Prevention Hotline and it's website for details.
We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones.
- 800-273-8255
- Website

For the time being, no format.

dearmortuary — 2022-12-27 23:16:24 UTC

Is it wrong to want them back? After abandoning them like that? Is it wrong to yearn for them? After ditching them for something like that? Is it wrong?
I loved them, with my entire being. But I had no choice. My heart cries out their name, but my brain tells me it's not okay...