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Clarabelle Tan to Celeste
Clarabelle Tan to Celeste
POSITIVE POINTS: i like how you have two dreams in one story, like killing two birds with one stone :)
NEGATIVE POINTS: I think the fact that the main character is afraid because of a dream is a bit unrealistic, because usually when you wake up from a dream you realise its ‘just a dream’ and you aren’t very scared of it. I don’t think you would also remember it till a long time later unless you’ve actually experienced something like that. If it’s a real life experience, i think it’s believable that you can still remember it till a long time later
Mihika to hiba
Mihika to hiba
how did she realise she was signed up?  
was there a problem worsening?
why didn't she just resign if she was so badly mocked?
Mihika to Clarabelle tan
Mihika to Clarabelle tan
POSITIVE POINTS: I Like how you elaborate on your problem worsening a lot

NEGATIVE POINTS :
1. some parts are a bit unrealistic such as drying yourself off with tissues at the nearby mall. he would have known that wasted time and if i were him i would have continued running ALSO, all the passengers 

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 let the join back the competition.
Janya Kaur to Clarabelle
Janya Kaur to Clarabelle
Although your story is pretty interesting , the main focus should be on the theme and the picture . You have established the theme very well . However, not the picture. The of the microphone only came in when the train operator used it which 

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Question: Where is the part where the MC’s dream comes true? Was not her dream just crushed when looking at the hurtful comments? Maybe add a part after that where the MC’s self esteem went down by a lot, and then later makes an apology to the internet as she feels the need to.

Then, the apology video gathered views as well, and people leaves more positive comments Andrew encourages MC to continue singing. Then, the MC realises her potential and starts practising even harder. Blah blah blah... epilogue where MC becomes a singer and viola! She could not have come this far without the people leaving positive comments on the apology video. Her dream came true!

(If it is too long to add in, just come up with something like that and somehow make the MC’s dream come true...)

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I think that your story is very simple but you have added a twist to the typical story by stating the fact that the main characters father was sick and in the hospital, which gave a reason for the main character to be even more determined and to bot give up. In order to pay for his medical fees(which I'm not very sure is the main dream), the main character had to work hard to win the competition (Is this the actual dream the main character had) I 💙 your plot!

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How can she train hersself to sing at the right pitch if she is deaf,she will need someone to help her with her singing .Someone who is honest and close to her.

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mihika to aabidah on what you asked jaania

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mihika to aabidah on what you asked jaania

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her teacher could have heard her singing to herself in school? and i have heard of cases where people join back in a competition even if they get eliminated  \(' _' \)

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Where did they teacher hear her singing?
It is also unrealistic that the teacher will let the join back the competition.

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Although your story is pretty interesting , the main focus should be on the theme and the picture . You have established the theme very well . However, not the picture. The of the microphone only came in when the train operator used it which was just a tiny part in your story and the MC did not even use it .

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POSITIVE POINTS: i like how you have two dreams in one story, like killing two birds with one stone :)
NEGATIVE POINTS: I think the fact that the main character is afraid because of a dream is a bit unrealistic, because usually when you wake up from a dream you realise its ‘just a dream’ and you aren’t very scared of it. I don’t think you would also remember it till a long time later unless you’ve actually experienced something like that. If it’s a real life experience, i think it’s believable that you can still remember it till a long time later

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how did she realise she was signed up?
was there a problem worsening?
why didn't she just resign if she was so badly mocked?

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POSITIVE POINTS: I Like how you elaborate on your problem worsening a lot

NEGATIVE POINTS :
1. some parts are a bit unrealistic such as drying yourself off with tissues at the nearby mall. he would have known that wasted time and if i were him i would have continued running ALSO, all the passengers clapping is unrealistic too as some might have been busy in their own work and some might have thought it was annoying

2.the microphone is not the main part of the story. maybe you could change your storyline so that a microphone is the main thing? (e.g: person was in a singing competition and was very good at singing but problem was she felt embarrassed when she dropped the mic accidentally and thought her dream of winning would not come true )

you also stated that he was sad that he would not get it on stage anymore but in the general office, right? but earlier you stated that his parents would not be going to see him so basically you are saying that he was sad that he couldn't show off to other parents? elaborate more on the MC's characterisation if you add that in
:)

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is there a conclusion or resolution to your story where you wrap the whole story up with a lesson learnt?

does your MC's dream come true

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I really enjoyed your story - how the problem worsening just gets worse!- However, I find some parts of your story unrealistic:

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Where is your problem worsening?

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Riddhima to Mihika(On the question you asked Calista)

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Riddhima to Mihika(On the question you asked Calista)

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I think the problem worsening is the part about MC getting depresses and not knowing what to do before he/she got help from family members

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So the MC became deaf and then depressed, i get it, however when you write your story out, remember to include how hard she practiced and if there were any setbacks again

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==========================

Introduction

~The MC's dream was to become a singer ever she/he was a small child
~The MC is currently not attending school for some special issues
~The MC is the only person who lives in Singapore and his/her family lives in their home country. ( He was able to come to to Singapore as he was studying The Arts there)
==========================

Story

The MC practises his/her vocals everyday and work very hard.
But every time she/him goes out for an audition, she/him always gets rejected or eliminated.
Even though the MC gets reject frequently she/him does not get discouraged and works/try harder with the help and support of his/her family and friends from overseas.
==========================

Problem

The people who are also participating in the audition decide to bring down the MC with mean and hurtful words
Saying that someone like him/her should not be here.Saying that she/he probably sounds horrible .
==========================

But in the end the MC decides to ignore their taunting and mean words,and decided to work harder past all the obstacles and become a Singer.
==========================MC NAMES
Boy             Girl
~Greyson         ~Kathryn
~Dylan ~Lashley

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-MC was very good at singing
-When she was a teenager, she realised that her hearing started deteriorating.
-Didn’t think so much about it and never got treatment.
-Eventually got worse and became deaf.
-Became depressed for a while as she did not know what to do in her life now that she was deaf.
-Friends, family supported her a lot and she slowly regained her confindence.
-She trained herself to attain perfect pitch so that she could sing without hearing herself and not go off pitch. It was through a lot of hard work before the note was practically etched in her head.
-Went to sign up for a singing competition
-Won the competition

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MC is a very shy girl who loves to sing and wanted to become' famous'(is only confidentwhen people are not looking except her brother) One day,her brother wanted to help her dream come true.So, while she was singing a song enthusiastically,her brother recorded her voice and uploaded it on youtube.The video went viral.When MC was looking through her youtube,she saw the video of her singing.She was extremely mad with her brother (show not tell).Before accusing him, she decided to look through the comments.Hpwever instead of cheering her up, she was heartbroken as a lot of the comments criticized her and her voice.(

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Backstory:
MC(Jane) came from a poor family and they didn’t have enough money to support the family as Jane’s Mom recently lost her job.She also had stage fright and shivered at the sight of a huge crowd.
Introduction:
Jane came across a singing competition called “Junior Melodies”,which was the most popular competition and there was a $1200 cash prize for first place.Jane knew that the money would be useful for her family so she wanted to take part in the competition and overcome her fear(which was her dream) but she didn’t have the courage to do it.
Problem:
Knowing that Jane had stage fright,some of her classmates started making fun of her by saying that she had no chance of winning.Jane didn’t care at first but soon it went from within her class to spreading rumours about her to other classes.That made her feel really upset and dejected.
Problem Worsening:
Jane’s Father fell really sick and needed to be taken to hospital but the family was too poor to afford the hospital bills,so to help her Father,Jane signed herself up for the competition.
Resolution:
Jane practiced really hard every single day and soon the day had arrived.However,when her turn came,she was shivering from head to toe and started to get scared.She then remembers her Father’s condition and is determined to win the first prize for him and her family.Jane puts on her best show and wins the $1200 first place prize!
Conclusion:
-Dreams can be achieved if you put your heart and mind to it.
-“A dream doesn’t become reality through magic,it takes sweat,determination and hardwork.”

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the main character wakes up from a dream. It wasn't like a normal kind of dream it was a dream that she remembered ours after awaking from it, like a memory of when the main character being laughed at when she tried to sing or the class, but her voice was terrible.

the main character's voice has developed since, but has never been courageous enough to step on stage to sing again.

the Main character's father, the sole breadwinner of the family, had lost his job a factory for continuously asking the employees for money to pay the shark loans when she was 7, and the main character's family has had financial issues ever since. The main character's had two dreams for the long run since then, to become a singer, and to help her family in terms of finance.

one day, the main character's music teacher had spotted the main character singing casually during her music lesson and offered the main character an audition in a national junior singing competition. at first, the main character had recalled her incident at preschool and was about to reject. then, her music teacher told her that the organizers offered a 20 dollar constellation prize and a grand prize of 1000 dollars, the main character,eager to help her family in any way, agreed to audition.

during the auditions, the main character was so anxious that she forgot the lyrics to her song despite hours of intensive practice everyday, and her preschool dream started to come to life. the main character was both devastated and embarrassed at the same time, resulting in her running out of the room in tears.

despite that fact that she had forgotten the lyrics to her audition song,the judges loved her voice and she was entered into the competition. fearing that she might get laughed at for the third time, she wanted to reject again, but her eagerness to win the grand prize and help her family drove her on and she emerged as the champion of the competition, achieving both her dreams, to become a singer and help her family financially with the grand prize she won.

~in my storyline, there were two types of examples of 'a dream come true' the more obvious one being the part where the main character achieved her goal [bolded].but there was also a part where the main characters nightmare had also come to life[highlighted]

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Introduction:
> MC - Hannah
> form teacher asked if anyone wanted to participate in storytelling competition
> she wanted to take part but was too afraid
> always dreamt of taking part in story telling competitions and overcoming her stage fright
> remembered her mother's words
> decided to raise up her hand

Problem:
> practiced very hard
> competition day finally arrived
> shivering as she climbed onto the stage
> knew that she had to accomplish her dream of overcoming her stage fright
> mumbled a short prayer to calm herself down
> when she started, she was stammering a little

Problem Worsening:
> held the mic too close to her mouth
> created a ear-piercing screech
> heard giggles from the audience

Resolution:
> did not want to let that discourage her
> continued
> became more confident
> when she ended the speech, everyone gave her a standing ovation
> felt a sense of accomplishment

Conclusion:
> results were announced 2 weeks later
> found out that she emerged winner
> happy
> knew her dream had come true
> was more confident on stage since then

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backstory:
mc[Linda]has always been teased and mocked about how everyone in the class were very good at public speaking.In class she rarely participated as she was to shy too even say a word

Introduction:
-recess
-sees the poster of a public speaking contest
-the prize money was five hundreddollars

problem
-mean girls discourage her
-did not give up
-day of contest
-anxious
pw
-mother who always encouraged was diagnosed with cancer

resolution
won

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MC’s dream was to be the top scorer in the school and let his parents see his achievements.

MC’s family and him are very poor. MC and his family are actually from Cambodia, but MC only managed to study in Singapore because he got a scholarship. MC was also one of the top scorers in his school in Cambodia. Thus, he got the scholarship. His parents’ wish for him is to become successful so his parents let him accept the scholarship without hesitation.

MC was also very excited to come to Singapore but he knew he had to make his own money to pay for the room he rented in a flat, the things he needed for school, along with food and the bare necessities. Therefore, he could not get the extra school books that other students could get to improve their academic results. He had to result to borrowing the books everyday just to get that extra knowledge. He worked very hard and finally managed to achieve his goal.

On his graduation day, he was very proud as he was about to receive the ‘Top Scorer of the School’ award. However, as the plane tickets were very expensive, his parents were unable to come. He felt very sad and lonely as there would be no one in the audience celebrating his award. (Only other’s parents would be in the audience) He carried his graduation gown in one hand and carried his umbrella with the other hand. As he expected, it started raining very heavily when he was walking to the train station. When he opened his umbrella, he realised that his umbrella was broken and rainwater was dripping in and onto him and his graduation gown. He had no choice but to run all the way till the train station. As he was running, he slipped and fell on a puddle of muddy water. He started shivering, so he had to dry himself off with tissue paper he got from the nearby mall’s washroom. By the time he finished drying himself, he realised that he had only fifteen minutes to get to the school and he would be just in time. He rushed to the train station (he was careful not to slip again)and boarded a train. Just his luck, the train he was taking broke down. The train operator used a microphone (Picture 2) to announce that they would be moving to a new train. [Insert show not tell of the train breaking down and his emotions.] He had to wait another 30 mins for the new train to come. By the time he boarded the new train, he had missed his chance to collect his award on stage along with his graduation certificate. Now, he could only collect his certificates from the General Office. He was very sad so he started crying. [Insert show not tell] A passenger was concerned and he asked him why he was crying. He told the passenger everything. The passenger also experienced the same thing before so he knew how it felt like to not be able to attend something you have been looking forward to. The passenger decided to hold a ‘Graduation Ceremony’ for MC in the train. The passenger told everyone in the train to clap for MC as he was graduating as the top scorer of the entire school. Then he pretended he was the announcer and asked MC to come up the ‘stage’. He pretended to give MC his certificate. The other passengers started cheering and clapping. MC was very touched and started laughing and crying at the same time. His dream of celebrating his achievements with people who would cheer and support him. It was even better than receiving the award in school; with no one there to support him wholeheartedly.

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Introduction :
- Nick had a dream of representing his country in the hundred metre breaststroke Swimming competition
Problem :
- Nick got into an unfortunate car accident .
- As a result he had to get his legs and arms amputated .
Problem Worsening :
- Nick struggled to learn how to walk and move around.
- During his free time Nick started to give motivation talks .
- He encouraged people to not give up and to continue working hard and preserving.

Resolution :
- After a while , Nick finally got the hang of Swimming without arms and legs .
- He participated in the Paralympics and won 2nd for his country .

Conclusion :
- From this story , we learn not to give up and to be determined to achieve our dreams and goals .
- Do not let set backs stop you from going forward .

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Introduction :

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Introduction :
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Introduction

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MC was always mocked about her speech impediment  impairment

MSS: Describe the problems her speech impairment gave her
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Two bullies signed up her up for a speech competition without her knowing.

MSS: Why?
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MC always dreamed of her ears buzzing with applause and proving all the haters wrong, however she was always mocked.

MSS: Establish that it HAS ALWAYS BEEN HER DREAM to achieve this.

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This made her determined to work hard for the competition. But for her winning the competition was not her dream come true but was proving the bullies wrong.

MSS: What is the problem worsening? How did the story end? Did she achieve her dream?

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Intro
.Lydia
.11
. In school
.During recess
. Sees a poster on singing competition
. One of her dreams to win a singing competition
. Decided to audition

Problem

.Practiced really hard
. The auditions came
Nervous
.Forgot all the lyrics to song
. Tripped on the wire
. Dropped the microphone
. Embarrassed herself

Problem worsening

. There were so many good singers
. Left audition
. Results came out
She did not get in
Devestated

Problem solved

Teacher overheard her singing
Decided to give her a second chance
Performed at the singing competition
Learnt from her mistake
Did very well

Conclusion

Won the competition
It was a dream come true
She inspired other students to always try and never give up
If you try hard enough your dreams will come true

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Introduction:
-MC was walking down for recess when she passed by the events wall
-Saw a poster about a lip reading contest and it was her dream to join a lip reading contest.
Problem:
-She had to pair up with another contestant but did not have anyone to pair up with except for a person who she did not know
- She was forced to pair up with someone who she did not know.
Problem Worsening:
-Her partner was reluctant to practice
-Did not practice much until a few days before the competition
Resolution:
MC warned her partner what would happen if they did not practice
-partner finally agreed on practicing and they practiced as much as they could during their free time
-They won first runner up
Conclusion:
They got better because they practiced and never gave up even though they did not have much time left

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1.
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-once in a case of committing crime
-mc's main goal in life is to spread the word for yellow ribbon campaign to give former crime commiters a secon chance
2.
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Yes.
-had to convince higher authority   people to be able to let voice be heard
-hard to convince as everybody but one didnt respect as they all feel as if they are a higher rank of me
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3.
-when saw another close friend face same problem,wanted to change the way society thinks
-wanted to change that people think once a sin is done,it cannot be reversed.
-in story this mc created yellow ribbon campaign

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Look at Picture 2. Consider the following points when planning the story.

1. What was the dream? Why was it so important?

2. Was it hard to be fulfilled? Why?

3. How was the dream realised?

Plan your story using IPPRC

Introduction
Problem
Problem Worsening
Resolution
Conclusion