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a well structured paragraph that is inspiring

a good use of data as evidence

Macy

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You've clearly illustrated that beauty standards can affect women significantly.
Speaking of beauty standards' influence on children, it occurred to me that besides toys which are made based on adults' preference, children's early exposure to the overwhelming social media can also lead to serious problems.
Kiara

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Possible counterargument:
A critic might say...
Children need dolls to help develop their self-concept of the overall body and there is nothing wrong with presenting a 'slim' body because there are people in the world who have these body types.  Why make an issue out of it?  Ro.

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A really well-structured first body paragraph with a good balance between general claim > grounds > explanation / example.  Very helpful to me as a reader. You've added a good interpretation ('This illustrates...').  However, what about the counterargument (which perhaps you'll add to a later paragraph)? Ro.

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A very impactful and memorable quote to include here - really enjoyed seeing and reading this. Rosie

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My own introduction and  first body paragraph 

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My own introduction and  first body paragraph 

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The standard of beauty is of paramount importance to people, particularly young women aged from 18-35 years old (NCBI, 2002) as it allows them to gain recognition, attractiveness and confidence. For instance, ‘skinny’ is the beauty goal for Asian while Americans desire to have an hourglass body shape. However, there is an increasing tendency that young women are more likely to succumb to physical and psychological health problems ignited by these standards of beauty. This essay argues that measures need to be taken to raise their attention to these health problems in order to prevent more young women from being adversely affected by standards of beauty. This essay will first state how do the standards of beauty exert impacts on people’s attitudes towards beauty, followed by illustrating how their physical health is affected by beauty standards and finally demonstrate how the standard of beauty exerts influence on their psychological health.

Standards of beauty affect young women’s attitudes towards beauty significantly. One of the factors is through media influences. Advertisements of beauty products featuring unrealistic and unattainable body increased negative mood and body dissatisfaction among young women (Tiggeman and Mcgill, 2004). Therefore, this results in a surge in the number of young women undergoing cosmetic surgery due to media influences, from 17.2% in 2014 to 18.2% in 2017 (American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, 2017). Moreover, the standard of beauty formerly affects young women’s attitude towards beauty at an early age and this leads to another contributing factor--- childhood toys. Barbie dolls, which are designed as unrealistically skinny, are found to also play a role in influencing their perception of beauty throughout the years. Both Dittmar et al. (2006) and Dittmar (2012) state that the child introjects the external appearance that the doll demonstrates as her internal standard of beautiful appearance during the process of playing with the doll. ‘Choose A Doll’ experiment is carried out to aim at revealing perceptions of external attractiveness among preschool-age girls. The result shows that the first doll to be chosen is barbie dolls with a bony figure and a china doll with normal body shape is not chosen first in all 23 cases. This illustrates that toys may leave young women a deep impression about the perception of beauty at an early age and consequently shape their attitude towards beauty when they grow up. Thus, the standard of beauty affects young women’s attitudes towards beauty considerably because of media influences and childhood toys.

Reference:
US National Library of Medicine National Institutes of Health (2002). Retrieved from
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11815703

Savannah Greenfield. When Beauty is the Beast: The Effects of Beauty Propaganda on Female Consumers (2018). Retrieved from
https://digitalcommons.unomaha.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1028&context=university_honors_program

E. Walker, G. Krumhuber, Dayan, Furnham. Effects of social media use on desire for cosmetic surgery among young women (2019). Retrieved from

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12144-019-00282-1

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Physical beauty
: a combination of facial and body features that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially the sense

Inner beauty
: having a good character or personality with virtuous traits

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First paragraph writing + Vocaroo recording 

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First paragraph writing + Vocaroo recording 

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It is worth noting that the concept of physical beauty is not universal and it is guided by cultural influences. Beauty standards are diverse among different regions due to cultural beliefs and evolutionary factors. For example, ‘skinny’ is the beauty goal for Asian while Americans desire to have an hourglass body shape. The most influential family in the world- The Kardashian-Jenner Family undergo butt lift surgeries and breast augmentation to achieve the perfect body shape. And for almost other parts of the world, having a slender body is considered beautiful. Nevertheless, in some parts of Africa, having a chunky and large body is one of the vital beauty criteria that females there should possess. These show that the concept of physical beauty is different. However, the standard of beauty in every region is changing and affecting one another under globalization, for example through magazines and social media. Therefore, the concept of beauty is not universal and it is influenced by culture.

Link:
https://voca.ro/bz3VVikKDJL