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Hi Meg! I really enjoyed your piece. It is a creative writing piece, but still my star is it is really creative. It was so interesting and cool that you thought of being sucked into the ground and running into the foot monster. I also feel your rule did not show up as much as the other rules. My second star is that your story is very descriptive. It not only is creative, I was able to picture everything you made making it like some sort of movie. I don’t really have wish on the actual writing, but I wish the text was a different color so I could read it better. Great piece!

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I really enjoyed your writing peice i thought it was very good and funny
I thought the plot and storyline was very good and funny.one star i have for your peice is the story of the boy i like it because i thought it was a great back story for the food monster and i feel like the detail and the plot really makes this part of the story more meaningful because the way it was deataild. Another star i have for your peice is the part about annie and how she wanted to explore with out shoes and how she fell down and down and all the molten rock and tectonic plate stuff are i lie i thought that was so funny because that is what everyone just learned in science.one wish i have is for the journal part to be a little bit longer.  But really good

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Hi meg! One star i have for your piece is how you warrrents were so elebrate and so long and meaningful the way you used the words made me think and feel the perspective of the people in the warrent i thought it was great on how you fleshed the warrent with questions that really got me thinking like when you said is it the students of the districts fault that really made me think that school start times should start later like at 8:15.i also like how you said if this dose not end there will be further trouble. I thought this was a great way to end you piece because it was strong and it really gets the reader thinking on why your claim is right.my one wish is that your warrent had some more dialogue in them so i know what is going on between the people. But overall i thought it was super good!

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To be honest you really hit me in the feels for that teenage girl. Being the average 6th grader that I am I know everything you said was 100% true. And lets be honest I think everyone loves getting more sleep. I can’t believe how many transition words you came up with or found. As I said the emotions got me here you did and excellent job pulling heartstrings. One wish I may or may not have is the zinger at the end. Maybe more excitement?

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Hi Meg! I LOVE your essay! I love how you put a lot of detail in all your paragraphs. I love how every single anecdote is different and how you put so much detail in,like how you did “show not tell” in the 3rd paragraph when you were describing the cigarette but weren’t actually saying “she lit a cigarette with the lighter” you described it really well! I don't have a wish for you because your essay is so amazing! You should definitely be an author! - Angie

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Wow! Just wow! This essay was spectacular!  I think that you did an amazing job with telling a different story in each paragraph! It really put me in h=that situation and made me think about it! Another thing that was great was how you used lots and lots of transition words throughout the essay! I think that the data was shown perfectly!. One thing I wished you did do is cut down on using some words that you did seem to use a lot in some paragraphs, the main one was “Kid” But that is just a minor thing, the essay was amazing and I hope you keep up the great work!

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Hi Meg! A strength of you essay is you questions and exclamation really persuade me. “Kids should not need to see a psychiatrist! Kids shouldn’t be having these early problems! Why must it come to this? How could these kids be helped? If kids got enough sleep could this be fixed?” Those couple of sentences really get me thinking. In addition, I like the way you warrants are very very realistic. Those warrants I could totally see happen in real life they warrants also kept me paying attention. “She finally checks the time at 7:00 am. The bus will be there in 20 minutes. She still has 8 pages left and has to get ready for school. She keeps reading, trying to speed but, at 7:20 she’s just finished. She calls for her dad to drive her but he needs to get to work. Her mom needs to work too.” Something that made me unfocused was the data. Yes data is normally boring but one of your data’s was very long and I stopped paying as much attention as I should’ve been. “every day, she would get up at dawn to catch a 6 a.m. bus to Barrington High School.“ Though your amazing warrant got me to focus again!

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It is awesome! All of your similes and metaphors were so unique. They pulled me and just really supported your story. An example of one is “my pool of thoughts. Words that pulled apart as they made their way into my ears. Words that got pulled into the whirlpool forming in my stomach.”  It was just so different I would have never thought of it. You also described everything unbelivably well. An example of this is “I looked above me to hopefully see some sign of life. Maybe a bird? I thought as I swung my head side-to-side. Swish! Swish! But that was unlikely since all the birds migrated when the cold weather started.” It was great. The only wish which is not really a wish is that I wish I knew what was going on sooner but It kept me reading.

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Meg this piece is soooo good! And I really love all the sound words and the details there is nothing I would change for this piece I also like how I thought i was reading a an about her who right that

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I absolutely loved this part:
“Words that got mixed into my pool of thoughts. Words that pulled apart as they made their way into my ears. Words that got pulled into the whirlpool forming in my stomach.” This was a very strong sentence in your piece.
I also like how you said the metaphor:
“I was surprised that we weren’t running into a gingerbread house with an old witch inside of it”
I liked it because you made something feel real then put a not real sentence in the story.
I have no wishes for this story.

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To be honest, it sounded like you've had this writing job for years and are very experienced on it, I love the dire seriousness of it. It sounded like the hunger games. Also, it really got to you, with putting that image in our minds of the Christmas morning. I if I was forced to have a suggestion maybe it would be a little less dialogue - Jude

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I love your piece Meg! I like how you included your thoughts about fears and your lesson at the end. One thing I think you could improve is to maybe describe your groups names in the beginning because you mentioned there names in the middle of your piece. good job!-Angie