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REMASTERED IN HD!As heard in Captain Marvel! Listen to more No Doubt here: https://NoDoubt.lnk.to/EssentialsDiscover how No Doubt's heartbreak seduced the m...

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A Stance

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Since I was a boy, I've been conditioned to be masculine.

Not only by my family and friends, but even more so by our society and our world.

Be aggressive. Be stoic. Be strong. Be dominant. Be competitive.

Don't be weak. Don't be a sissy. Don't be all mushy. Don't reveal emotions that are not masculine, conditioned by both natural and nurturing forces.

I've done my best to live up to those ideals of masculinity. I still do, to a large degree. In fact I pride myself on it. In my large, extended family, I am now considered the patriarch, with all that this masculine label encompasses.

Crying is still considered a fault. Vulnerability is still deemed a weakness. Backing down from a fight of any kind is still shameful. Showing a tender side is only acceptable in certain circumstances, certainly not in public.

Fellow men, does this sound accurate?

For men my age - 56 -- such masculine behavior has been ingrained in us since birth, literally. We played with soldiers, not dolls. If we even entertained the notion of playing with dolls, we were mocked or, worse yet, excluded from boyhood perks and rituals.

So, for most males, we stayed in our lane, drove home what it is to be a "real man," and stayed on cruise control into adulthood. And, for me, into middle age and beyond. So here I am today, a psychologically chiseled "man" from decades of social practice, personal ridicule, proud machismo and painful lessons. Look at me roar!

But wait. In the wake of the #MeToo movement and other changing social standards, there's a new label for these manly traits that I've been trying to exemplify since my first G.I. Joe "action figure" (remember, dolls are for girls).

It's called "toxic masculinity."

Many of those mannish traits I've learned over the past half century are now being labeled as "limiting" and "harmful," prompting men to reconsider what it is to be, well, a man. Are we supposed to be who we were groomed to be? Or who we are now expected to be? Or maybe a social hybrid of both?

"Traditional masculinity ideology has been shown to limit males' psychological development, constrain their behavior, result in gender role strain and gender role conflict, and negatively influence mental health and physical health," according to a 36-page report by the American Psychological Association.

The organization recently issued its first official warning against toxic masculinity in January's issue of "Monitor on Psychology." These new "Guidelines for the Psychological Practice with Boys and Men," is the first-ever report published by the APA specifically designed to help practitioners treat male patients "despite social forces that can harm mental health."

In other words, these same social forces have been harming my mental health for as long as I could say "mental health." I would publicly cry if I felt it was allowed in our society. Oh wait, I guess it is now. Unfortunately, this old dog isn't able to learn this new trick at the snap of your fingers.

Citing 40 years of research, the APA warns men against the "masculinity ideology," defined as a set of standards that have held sway over large segments of men, including anti-femininity, achievement, appearance of weakness, and adventure-risk and violence.

Check, check, check, check. Anti-femininity? Nah, I don't think so, at least in my case.

According to the association, conforming to the long-held social norms of this masculinity ideology can result in all kinds of emotional troubles for young boys. Such behavior can lead to the suppression of emotions, unhealthy risk-taking, inability to seek help, tendencies toward bullying and homophobic traits.

In other words, everything that has defined manhood for centuries. Where was this warning in the 1960s and '70s during my impressionable adolescent years? I'll tell you where. It was being kicked to the curb by an endless army of risk-taking, bullying, homophobic men.

"Traditional masculinity is, on the whole, harmful," the APA now warns us. Not only to women and to society, but also to us men.

For example, despite being four times more likely to die of suicide than women, men are significantly less likely to be diagnosed with related disorders because we don't "conform to traditional stereotypes about men's emotionality."

We don't? I thought I've been conforming to the correct stereotype since I stifled my first tears out of shame. Or since I first punched another kid in the face because he stole my lunch money. Or since I first joined with other boys to call weaker boys names.

Remember when such public ridicule was simply the norm, not taboo? I do. I didn't get punished. I got praised, with a sly wink and a thumbs up by older men who were my idols.

Despite the APA's new warnings, the association encourages men of all ages to now embrace the positive aspects of traditional masculinity such as courage, leadership and accountability. Courage without risk-taking? Leadership without suppression of emotions? Bravery without recklessness? Yeah, right.

If only a razor blade company would commercialize this close-shaven issue with a slick new marketing campaign. That's what us men need.

Just in the nick of time, Gillette's new "We Believe" ad addresses toxic masculinity, outdated stereotypes, and the #MeToo movement with its inverted tagline, "The best a man can get."

If this company wasn't trying to sell me more razors, I'd give it more credit for weighing in on another contentious social issue in our evolving country, as so many other corporate firms have done. Only the bottom line matters to these firms.

Toxic masculinity? OK, sure. But for most of us men, we simply call it masculinity.

It's now up to each of us to redefine what it is to be a man. Every day. Every moment. Every action. This, too, is what a real man should now do.

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Davich: For most males, 'toxic masculinity' is what raised us from boys to men

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Since I was a boy, I've been conditioned to be masculine. Not only by my family and friends, but even more so by our society and our world. Be aggressive. Be stoic. Be strong. Be dominant. Be competitive. Don't be weak. Don't be a sissy. Don't be all mushy.

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A Stance

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This story is part of a group of stories called

First-person essays and interviews with unique perspectives on complicated issues.

If you Google "masculinity" right now, you'd be forgiven for thinking that men are engaged in an epic battle over our very right to exist. " Masculinity isn't a sickness," the Wall Street Journal intones.

Who is behind this " dubious attack" on masculinity? It was a bit of a one-two punch, actually: Earlier this month, the American Psychological Association released new guidelines for working with men that highlighted a substantial body of research pointing to some of the harmful effects that the constricted enculturation of "traditional masculinity" have on men and the people around us. "Traits of so-called 'traditional masculinity,' like suppressing emotions & masking distress, often start early in life & have been linked to less willingness by boys & men to seek help, more risk-taking & aggression - possibly harming themselves & those with whom they interact," the APA tweeted as part of the guideline announcement.

The new APA guidelines, which are designed for therapists working with men, suggest that clinicians be aware of their own gender bias so as to avoid misdiagnosis of male clients; be aware of the way racism, homophobia, and transphobia shape male identity, as well as stereotypes about marginalized men; and get out the message to men that "they're adaptable, emotional and capable of engaging fully outside of rigid norms." In short, the APA suggests that treating male clients will be more impactful if therapists factor in the documented risk factors associated with "traditional" masculinity (not seeking help, struggling with vulnerability) in their treatment, and broadly remember to factor in masculinity as a gender identity when assessing the needs of their male clients.

The guidelines, which complement a similar set of APA guidelines for working with women and girls released in 2007, have been in the works since 2005, reports the New York Times. But conservative voices, in particular, were quick to dismiss the guidelines as a "frontal attack" born of the post-#MeToo political climate.

Those flames were further fanned a week later, when Gillette released an ad actually inspired by #MeToo that asked men to reexamine the phrase "boys will be boys," work to end sexual harassment, support boys emotionally, and intervene if they see bullying. "It's only by challenging ourselves to do more that we can get closer to our best," the narrator tells us.

The APA guidelines, the Gillette ad: These small cultural milestones seemed like reasonable, healthy steps toward questioning and highlighting tired, troubling ideas about what makes a man. But I'm a trans man who spent years reporting a book on masculinity, so I knew exactly what would happen next: an angry outcry. If you're a man for whom the Gillette ad felt like an attack on "your masculinity," maybe it's worth questioning how you learned to twin dominance, harm, and violence with your gender identity.

When masculinity is threatened

Because most men are taught to believe that socialized masculinity is somehow entirely "innate" (it's not) and simultaneously precarious and in need of defending, any messaging that challenges the dominant definition of masculinity can lead to what sociologists call " identity threat."

The theory, according to UC Santa Barbara sociology professor Tristan Bridges, suggests that if an identity you feel passionately about is threatened, your first response is to overperform that identity. In this political climate, men who have been taught since boyhood that being a "real man" means defending "traditional" masculinity and using dominance to police its lack in others, respond to the suggestion that they reimagine the more toxic aspects of masculinity by emphasizing exactly those toxic elements.

Bridges points to a 2013 study published in the American Journal of Sociology that found that men whose masculinity was "threatened" (by being told that they tested as more "feminine" on a made-up gender identity survey) were more likely to support war, as well as show both homophobic beliefs and beliefs in male superiority. (Women whose femininity was similarly threatened showed no significant changes.) Even more distressing, a 2012 study published in the Journal of Violence Against Women found that men whose masculinity was threatened before reading vignettes about sexual assault responded to the stories by "blaming the victim and exonerating the perpetrator more" than men whose gender identity was not threatened first.

So it was no surprise that after the commercial aired, Piers Morgan tweeted that Gillette wanted men to "take one of their razors and cut off their testicles." In the meantime, many, many triggered men vowed to throw out their razors and boycott Gillette. Just as the reaction to the APA guidelines included stories with headlines like " We Need to Retoxify Masculinity, " the Gillette ad drew ire and the promise of a boycott from men who felt "attacked" by the suggestion that sexual harassment and bullying was not key to their gender identity. In both cases, agitated men conflated cultural conditioning with identity -and then leaned into that identity, just as identity threat research predicted that they would.

"Men are not used to having masculinity defined for them, and sometimes they don't realize the little ways these really problematic stereotypes of masculinity can crop up in their own lives," says Bridges. Though the commercial and the guidelines never suggest that men should "stop being men," Bridges says they force a privileged population to look at how the conditioning they received in childhood could be harming their mental and emotional well-being.

How masculinity evolves

If this conversation is ever going to result in widespread change, Bridges thinks we have to look at another aspect of how masculinity is constructed: lack of resilience around "failure."

"We're not very good at talking with men about how to be challenged and not feel like your gender is threatened," he says. We now talk to boys about consent, he says, but not how to "retain their dignity" in the face of rejection. Instead, boys are socialized to be dominant at all costs, and to manage "failure" by "proving" their masculinity - resulting in aggressive, identity-threat behaviors.

When I transitioned, I was thrilled to feel aligned with my body. But I was also shocked by the scope of privilege my white, male body suddenly received and by the many messages I got about how I was expected to behave to "prove" my masculinity. I could walk alone late at night without fear, and I also went months without a single person touching me. I accelerated through the ranks at work, and a female friend told me that if I ever wanted a girlfriend again, I needed to not show vulnerability.

This troubled me and, eventually, I began to ask questions: What does testosterone actually do? Why do men fight? What is a "real man"? As I reported out the answers, I came across much of the research cited by the APA and arrived at a similar conclusion. I found my way back to myself by questioning the same toxic behaviors and mentality the Gillette ad highlights. By making sure our values line up with our behavior, men can create a model of masculinity grounded in integrity. The short-term reward is a longer, healthier life. The long-term effect could be ending the needless suffering of future generations of boys.

There's a lot on the line, and we all need to stand up for what we believe in. We are all culpable for the culture we're creating. We're all responsible for the person we see in the mirror, too.

Correction: A previous version of this article incorrectly cited a Washington Post article.
Thomas Page McBee is a journalist and the author, most recently, of Amateur: A True Story of What Makes a Man.
First Person is Vox's home for compelling, provocative narrative essays. Do you have a story to share? Read our submission guidelines, and pitch us at firstperson@vox.com.

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Toxic masculinity is under attack. That's fine.

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First-person essays and interviews with unique perspectives on complicated issues. If you Google "masculinity" right now, you'd be forgiven for thinking that men are engaged in an epic battle over our very right to exist. " Masculinity isn't a sickness," the Wall Street Journal intones. Who is behind this " dubious attack" on masculinity?

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We Believe: The Best Men Can Be | Gillette (Short Film)

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Bullying. Harassment. Is this the best a man can get? It's only by challenging ourselves to do more, that we can get closer to our best. To say the right thi...

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and Positive Commentary--a Problem Facing Both Genders

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Are You Living an Insta Lie? Social Media Vs. Reality

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Take this pink ribbon off my eyes
I'm exposed and it's no big surprise
Don't you think I know exactly where I stand?
This world is forcing me to hold your hand

'Cause I'm just a girl, oh, little old me
Well, don't let me out of your sight
Oh, I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite
So don't let me have any rights

Oh, I've had it up to here

The moment that I step outside
So many reasons for me to run and hide
I can't do the little things I hold so dear
'Cause it's all those little things that I fear

'Cause I'm just a girl, I'd rather not be
'Cause they won't let me drive late at night
Oh, I'm just a girl, guess I'm some kind of freak
'Cause they all sit and stare with their eyes
Oh, I'm just a girl, take a good look at me
Just your typical prototype

Oh, I've had it up to here

Oh, am I making myself clear?

I'm just a girl
I'm just a girl in the world
That's all that you'll let me be

Oh, I'm just a girl, living in captivity
Your rule of thumb makes me worrisome
Oh, I'm just a girl, what's my destiny?
What I've succumbed to is making me numb

Oh, I'm just a girl, my apologies
What I've become is so burdensome
Oh, I'm just a girl, lucky me
Twiddle-dum, there's no comparison

Oh, I've had it up to
Oh, I've had it up to
Oh, I've had it up to here

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No Doubt - Just A Girl Lyrics | SongMeanings

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Take this pink ribbon off my eyes I'm exposed and it's no big surprise Don't you think I know exactly where I stand?