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Heyy K!! One thing that I loved in your story “ A Trip to Magicfulleny” is the sentence that you start off with “… Birds were performing a concert in the trees…” this sentence really shows how descriptive your story is going to be. I love <3. Another positive in your story is your intro and how descriptive you are throughout the writing piece. I love how you describe the scene, setting and characters because you really bring them to life and make me feel like I am watching your story on broadway. One wish I have for you is to check for grammar, spelling and punctuation. Amazing job!! <3

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Hey Kathleen! One part of your narrative that I absolutely love was that you use so many descriptions.The way you used it was making me feel exactly how I should be feeling. I got all the feelings that I was supposed to be getting!  I also loved how you put … in places to get the readers to get pauses in the story instead of going right into the point. One thing that I do think you should change is that you put some words in all caps. You just need a explanation point for that, Oda that the readers now your yelling. Besides thatI absolutely loved your piece.

Lu

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Hi, Kathleen! I really enjoyed your piece and the journey it took me through. I really liked how it felt like I was there and how I really could paint a picture of the town in my mind. It was very helpful to know everything around the character and what it was like where they lived. Additionally, I really enjoyed the figurative language throughout the story. It really added to it and made it way more interesting to read. But amongst all the great things you added in I saw a bunch of spelling errors. I just saw some minor things like not putting a space after the period and having some misspelled words. Other then that you did great. Amazing job!

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Hi, Kathleen! A strength of your essay, “School Uniforms… The Disguising Cloaks,”  is the way you use descriptive words as much as you could with saying any personal pronouns! You put descriptive words at the right time! As you kept explaining, I realized that you don’t repeat any words over and over. In addition, I also love the three different topics you used because they really show why school uniforms are a horrible idea and will affect kids' lives. This will definitely convince teachers/principals to let students pick what they want to wear. However, a suggestion I could offer for improvement is double checking your spelling. Although most of the spelling is right, there are a couple words that you miss spelt. This would help the reader to really understand what you mean and what you're trying to say.

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A strength of your essay was the outrageous word choice that I discovered. “Harsh”, “devastating” “clearly prevents” all of these are an incredible aspect of your wiring to show disapproval to uniforms. Another strength of your essay is the quote that caught my eye in the zinger! It was a truly memorable statement! Your essay was making and I didn’t find anything to work on! Absolutely perfect!

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Kathleen I absolutely loved the detail you put in your essay , When you put the bright pink bush, it really got my attention.

I also loved how you put our eyes into the readers eyes instead of just telling your readers story. It makes me feel that i'm right there doing everything you're saying. There was nothing I really wished for but if I had to wish for something it would be just to change the name of your essay. For me it doesn't really fit you, and. I know this is about the Uniforms. I just think you should more anger or something like beat to catch the readers action more.

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Hi Kathleen! I really love your essay. One thing I found that stood out to me in your writing was when you said in your first crews paragraph, “wearing an atrocious school uniform…”. This stood out to me because the word choice was outstanding. The word atrocious fit perfectly with what you were describing. Another strength you had was the amount of details you had throughout all of your paragraphs. It made your writing so much stronger and more interesting to read. Your piece was very strong and would make the reader support your claims. Overall, outstanding job!

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I remember the moment you picked! As soon as I started reading, I felt the moment. I was with you when it happened. You added all the details I could think of! A star that I spotted in your piece is when you explain how big the wave was! If I wasn’t there with you, I would still understand everything clearly! Another star that popped up in your piece was the wording. You used words that are stronger than what we used to use. I also really liked when you described the part where everyone was looking at the scratches. I pictured the moment in my head! I love your piece!!!

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Something that I think you did very well on in this memoir is your use of descriptive words. “As we continued skipping, the shades of the sand got darker until we finally came face to face with the glistening clear water that took up most of the beach.” This excerpt from the peice “hit the nail on the head” with your descriptive language. Another thing that I think you did well was your use of figurative language. “The wave was a vicious monster.” This description really shows the reader that the wave was big and scary. I also enjoyed that you put so many inner thoughts into this memoir because it really gets the reader to go into your head. Something that I think that could have been a little bit stronger was your ending. Maybe you could have made it longer, and more detailed about how this moment changed you as a person.

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A strength of your memoir “ A normal day at the beach” is how you described your thoughts at that very moment and how you described what it was like under water. Also how you described how it felt and it made me feel like I was there with you. In addition your figurative language was great, you really brought us into your thoughts and the setting of your beach day! I could not come up with a wish so I am going to do another star. To add on I could feel your emotion through out your piece and I could visualize what was happening very well! It was a great memoir ;)

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I like how you started your piece very calmly and then it escalated to the problem. It really told me what you were doing and how you ended up in the situation. I also like your inner thoughts and how they had many descriptive words one how you tried to get out. It was very well written that made the piece amazing to read. Your memoir was really good I cant think of any wishes.

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One thing that I enjoyed about your writing was loads and loads of inner thought! That helped me visualize the beach and the waves. Furthermore, they were longer than what I would expect from a small moment memoir. Second, I really loved your similes. For example “like they just saw pigs fly”. That was really helpful in painting a picture in my mind of just how shocked or terrified the guests were. One thing that I would improve on if this was my memoir is the title, “A normal day at the beach”. If this was my piece, I might change that title to something like “The Titanic Monster” or The Wave That Pushes And Pulls”. Overall, I really enjoyed your memoir and I’m 100% confident that everybody else that reads your memoir will absolutely adore it!

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One strong thing in your memoir was when you described the way you felt under water. When you said, “ On land I have no talent in gymnastics but underwater I think I made a great Simone Biles” I think that was an amazing sentence because it really painted a picture for everyone reading your piece to see the way you move underwater. Another thing you did well was the way you started and stopped your sentences. You put a period if it was needed and a comma if it was needed, while the sentences had an amazing amount of details in them to make it interesting for the reader. One last thing you did well was your metaphors. You used them in good spots and used really good references for your piece.

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Something I absolutely Loved was that it looked like you put all of your thoughts in this memoir, Not one not two, All of them. When I was reading I felt like I was inside your head. Something I also really enjoyed was that you didn’t stop even when you got hurt. I know that’s something we have in common which I love. You wouldn’t stop telling yourself to stop pushing yourself. Something I would put in your writing peace is maybe who were your friends or maybe when you were talking about your cut and scratches, you could say, While we were talking, people passed by like we just finished (and won) a fight with John sina. Besides that Absolutely Loved it.

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I really liked your writing piece because you really made a picture for whoever is reading your writing. I really got a clear picture of a town with everything you described in it.  I also really liked how when you said all the pets you have, you called it a zoo first and then went on about your favorite animals and pets. One thing you might consider in the future is maybe adding a bit more details but other than that your writing was amazing!

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This was so unique and fun to read! But I have one suggestion, maybe you could look over your piece because there was some grammar mistakes that I noticed. Other than that I really enjoyed reading your about me piece!

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Something I really enjoyed about your writing was how you made your about me story about you as the mayor of a town full of books, it is such a creative idea and a fun way to read about you. Something else I enjoyed about your about me piece is that you added in a lot of detail about you and the things you like I also liked how you added pictures of your favorite things. However something I think you could of added was your dislikes because when I read your piece I did not see any dislikes and would liked to learn what your dislikes are.  Overall it was a very fun and creative way to write about you and it was a great piece.

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A strength of your About me, “Kathleen's Town of books “ is the way you act like we are actually in the Town. You describe the way the town looks. My favorite part is where you say “To your right we have the world’s best dog park and right next to it a zoo with birds of all sorts including my own pet bird named birdie, A hermit crab exhibit, and some of my favorite animals such as hippos, donkeys, and pigs.” I feel as though I am walking right behind you saying “ooooo ahhhhhh.” I also really love the title. The title tells me that you love to read and you’ve read a lot of books.  However, you listed the dislikes. A way you could fix that is by explaining why you don't like motorcycles and paper straws. Other than that I love your piece!

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I really enjoyed how creative you are and how you called it a town. I also liked how you included interesting ways to talk about your likes and dislikes. One thing I didn’t think you did as well is capitalization because I noticed Birdy’s name wasn’t capitalized. Overall it was really cool to see how you made it so original!