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Assignment 3 is a film shot in natural light. It speaks of the story of receiving your place on the waiting list for trans health care but finding out it is 6+ years long. I used melonconic lighting through natural light and waited for a cloudy day. It is simple and i use no dialogue.

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This film was commission by Frieze in 2011. Atkins creates a dream like world. He narrates and uses sound to create this wild world. He uses silhoettes and no faces. He uses bright colours to evoke the audience

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Small Trans film club was a nigh that was held at the TENI Offices on the 20th of November. I went and was presented with serval film made by queer creators and it helped me develop my studio work

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Set against the backdrop of the Northern Irish coast, Homebird explores the relationship between an emotionally reclusive father struggling to re-connect with his estranged gay son during a night at the seafront amusements. Having left without warning months prior, Conor has returned to his seaside hometown after dropping out of university across the water.Conor assumes his father's frustration lies with his sexuality, whilst Dermot struggles to articulate how he feels that he has been abandoned by his son. With an uncomfortable journey home inevitable, the pair open up to one another for the first time.

Homebird presents an authentically heart-warming, yet complex LGBTQ+ narrative that explores the importance of family, queer affirmation and re-connection.

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On the eve of a transphobic attack, a transgender comedian processes her feeling the only way she knows how: through stand up comedy.

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https://www.cassils.net/cassils-artwork-becoming-an-image

Cassils is a transgender artist who makes their body the material and protagonist of their work. They contemplate the histories of LGBTQ+  violence, representation, struggle and survival. Cassils use of sound and violence in their work ‘Making Of An Image’ interested me deeply and inspired me use cuts of darkness within my film work, Cassils also uses sculptural material within their performance works.

‘Making of an Image’ is a performance piece that includes photographical and sculptural elements. Cassils unleashes an attack on a 2000 pound clay block. Delivering a series of kicks and punches in total darkness, the spectacle is illuminated only by the flash of a photographer. The images taken during the performance depicts Cassils sweating, moving in the air and pummelling the block of clay.

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In the live performance Becoming an Image, Cassils unleashes an attack on a 2,000 pound clay block in total darkness.

The spectacle is illuminated solely by the flash of a photographer, burning the image into the viewer's retina. Becoming an Image was originally conceived as a site-specific work for the ONE Archives in Los Angeles, the oldest active LGBTQ archive in the United States. Cassils now performs this work around the world.

Each live performance generates a series of still images.

Large scale color photographs depict Cassils sweating, grimacing, and flying through the air as a primal force--pummelling the one ton clay obelisk. In recent iterations, Cassils installs these performative photographs atop custom wallpaper of the audience watching the performance-- formally turning the lens of the camera back towards the viewers.

Performance into three dimensions.

At Cassils's solo show at Ronald Feldman Fine Arts, sculpture Clay Bash was exhibited as evidence of performance.
Ghost is a 4-channel sound installation which recreates the sounds of the artist's breath, blows, grunts, and pulse rate during one performance of Becoming An Image. We hear Cassils darting from one corner to the other and circling the listener like a ghost.

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In the live performance Becoming an Image, Cassils unleashes an attack on a 2,000 pound clay block in total darkness.The spectacle is illuminated solely by the flash of a photographer, burning the image into the viewer's retina. Becoming an Image was originally conceived as a site-specific work for the ONE Archives in Los Angeles, the oldest active LGBTQ archive in the United States.

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I used strobe lighting to create dramatic shots

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The audio for assignment 4 goes between dream like reverb audio and clear audio. This transports the viewer between an echo chamber to a clear crisp reality. The audio is a script I wrote and I created the visuals to go along with it and help narrate this film

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How Not to be Seen: A Fucking Didactic Educational by Hito Steyel is a short film about the many ways we are becoming increasingly watched by modern technology.

Steyel uses an anonymous voice to commentate the film. This voices provides us with many ways to "disappear." Ranging from silly ways to disappear on camera to the sociopolitical privilege it takes to disappear.

Steyel explains to us how satellite photo technology has become more advanced, comparing how it used to be one pixel per 12 metres versus now where it can capture one pixel per foot. This highlights how the development of technology is making us more visible.

Steyel cuts between images of the real world and virtual world to disorientate us. The detailed scrolling through virtual world reminds versus the detailed ability to scroll through our own world provides us with insight in how surveillance is developing rapidly and making it impossible to disappear. Providing us with scary real world consequences in the increase in technology.

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HITO STEYERL, HOW NOT TO BE SEEN: A FUCKING DIDACTIC EDUCATIONAL .MOV FILE, 2013

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Hito Steyerl, How Not to be Seen: A Fucking Didactic Educational .MOV File, (2013). #embeddedtext# Hito Steyerl, How Not to be Seen: A Fucking Didactic Educational .MOV File_, 2013.

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The aesthetic for this assignment was based off of Ed Atkins Film 'Delivery To The Recipient Failed Permanently' and the HBO series Euphoria. I wanted to use silhouettes in my film and bright colours. These colours create an environment just outside of reality, the space inbetween the mind and reality. The film is a space to discuss my mind, the realities and educate the viewers on trans issues.

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Here is the colours I projected on my projector for the lighting scheme. I wanted to use harsh bright colours to colour my film. Making it visually interesting and to create a set that feels just outside of reality

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I filmed this film in my room, but I created a different space with lights, composing the camera and projector with colours to create a different space.

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Fleabag is a British TV Series about a dry witted woman only known as fleabag, she navigates her live and love in London while trying to cope with tragedy.

This series is written by Phoebe Waller-Bridge and it is relies heavily on the inner monologue. This inspired the text I wrote for my film. Referring back to the text that goes on inside my head, words that people don't hear from me and how I tend to cope with sarcastic humour.

Through the inner monologue of Fleabag it heavily reveals her rational and tells us about her vulnerablity, making us feel closer to the character and understanding her better.

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For Assignment 2 I wrote a stream of consciousness script. It sums up my personal frustration with the healthcare inn this country. After I wrote the script I thought about the images I could include. I wanted to use everyday images to articulate the normality of my life. Some people can perceive trans people as being the "other' but we are just like everyone else. Everyday I think about receiving proper healthcare, I am spiteful but also have made peace with lacking expectations for the healthcare service in Ireland.

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I decided to use my home since it can speak to the everyday-ness of waiting. Most people can relate to having a home and having a daily routine of showering and making Tea

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For the audio I recorded it on the dolby app on my phone. I included an inner monologue type script I wrote. I lay it down over the video I produced to create the film

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My Studio practice this year was based around my transition. I decided to expand on this through my work for the boyle project. Trans healthcare in Ireland is appalling at the moment, public healthcare having ridiculously long lists and private healthcare being unbelievably expensive and inaccessable to people like me who do not have supportive parents to help fund transition.

Due to the 6-7 year waiting list I was forced to start HRT illegally. Monitoring it by myself since waiting to medically transition got too painful. Waiting to start HRT felt like waiting for my life to start, since HRT changes you in ways that makes you more traditionally masculine and when you 'pass' (passing means when no one can tell you are trans) it makes transition a lot easier. No one misgenders you, people take your transition seriously and when you legally change your name it becomes easier to get a job since your employer won't know that you are trans.

I am 3 months on HRT that was illegally obtained and I wish I had started sooner. I am so much happier, it was a hard journey to obtain my bloods from my gp and tell her I was starting unregulated HRT.

So all my films are about waiting, disappointment and fear in transition and of course frustration

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Assignment 4 is about HRT. Hormone Replacement Therapy is when trans people use horomones to achieve features more akin to the gender they identify with. Unfortunately HRT is hard to get in Ireland, being extremely expensive when obtaining it privately and publicly you have to wait 7 years at this time. This film is about the process of obtaining it illegally, since statistically in Ireland and the UK 50% of trans people start DIY HRT before receiving public healthcare, so it is not uncommon and I am one of the people that took this route

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Did you know it’s currently a 7 year wait when referred from a GP before you even get an assessment for public trans health care?

I bet you didn’t

Here’s me waiting.

There’s 2555 days in 7 years

I’ve been waiting one year

So 2190 days to go

Everyday I wait.

Everyday I shower,

This is my favourite time in the day,

Alone, warm and silent.

Dry my feet

Dry my hair.

Get dressed,

I usually get dressed facing away from the mirror since I don’t want to face my body.

I guess this is also apart of my everyday routine.

And me over examining my skin, my face.

Will I pass as male today?

I like tea,

I like boiling the water of my tea.

Because maybe one day I’ll boil over the edge.

I’ll drink my tea contemplating what I did so wrong in this world to have to wait 7 years?

Maybe I’ll think about assignments

Sometimes I wonder if my family will disown me when they find out I want to transition.

But I guess I’ll feed my cat,

Since it isn’t his fault I have to wait 6 years more years.

He also isn’t transphobic.

I’ll roll into a burrito and mindlessly scroll for a bit.

Waiting is the only thing you can really do.

When today is over

I’ll have 2189 days to go

You have to celebrate the little things.

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Dead Pixel/Stuck Pixel Screen Fix (1 Hour Long) (Seizure warning - See description)

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I set my projector up vertically along a blank wall. I shot within that space. Alternating between different projected colours.

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Have you ever wondered what desperation could make you do? - [black screen]

What time will do to you? - [clock]

Trapped just waiting to live your life? - [pink dress scenes]

I’ve been brought to dark places. - [blue light projected onto me]

Lit again by darker markets. - [bag with drugs and syringes in it - [blue projector shining onto it ]

Survival, I push myself to survive.

Begging to doctors I pleaded on my knees, - [on knees]

Tell me about my blood.

Reluctant, I scored. - [black screen]

Research Research Research- [shots of me on the computer - working ]

It’s all about the research.

Side effects of Testosterone HRT Include

Oily skin - [skin shot]

Bigger Pores - [close up of pores]

Acne - [my acne]

Your Smell Changes - [perfume spraying]

Fat redistribution - [body shot]

Broader shoulders, thinner thighs, fat stored more in stomach

More muscle - [shot of arm]

Angular face - [face]

Thickened vocal chords - causing your voice to drop - [side angle of vocal chords]

More body hair - [legs]

Hair thinning - [forehead]

Facial hair - [moustache]

Emotional changes like mood swings -

Heightened libido

Bottom growth -[banana]

Menstruation stops. - [wiping blood off hands]

[Black Screen]

I tested oils on my skin - [shot of me rubbing stuff into my skin]

Grape and sesame- [my face close up speaking]

No allergic reactions recorded.

[Action of me pulling fluid from the syringe]

Submerge into my skin,

I welcome this power.

Change me,

Help me,

Free me,

Survive, I push myself to survive.

My Freedom comes at a price - [flashing[

70 euro a bottle, that will last you 7 months -[bottle]

Syringes for insulin - [syringes shown]

Pre-injection swabs - [swabs shown]

And the possible damages of using unregulated testosterone - [flashing]

You better clean your skin well

Clean the top of the bottle

Clean along the syringe

And Pray you don’t inject a bubble under your skin

[Band aid on skin after injection] - 2.45 minutes

Would you do this to survive?

50% of the trans community obtain hormones illegally due to long waiting lists

I am one of them.

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“With its green clouds of fag smoke, Atkinss commission for this years Frieze Film programme , Delivery to the Following Recipient Failed Permanently, is visually restrained compared with his usual experiential overload. There is, though, an astonishing monologue , designed to invoke a material sense of the word “smoke” like a haemorrhage in your brain.” – Sam Thorne

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Delivery To The Recipient Failed Permanently by Ed Atkins | Frieze Films | Random Acts

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Sin Wai Kin also known as Victoria Sin is a non-binary and mixed-raced artist who works in moving image, performance, sound and print. “Through parody, the artist reveals and interrogates constructed images of idealised Western Femininity.” In Sin’s work ‘A View From Elsewhere, Act 1, She Poses in Context’ 2018, they cover the western ideals of femininity through spoken and visual performance, putting these ideals on their head.

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Kiss my Genders was an exhibition exhibited in the Hayward Gallery in London in 2019. This was a retrospective of a collection of artists whose work encounters entrenched gender narratives. One of the artists who interested me was Sin Wai Kin also known as Victoria Sin is a non-binary and mixed-raced artist who works in moving image, performance, sound and print. “Through parody, the artist reveals and interrogates constructed images of idealised Western Femininity.”

In Sin’s work ‘A View From Elsewhere, Act 1, She Poses in Context’ 2018, they cover the western ideals of femininity through spoken and visual performance, putting these ideals on their head. Here I have placed the script of Act 1 of the performance piece. The 3 Acts are a multimedia fantasy on the experience of desire, shame and identification of the material queer body. These narratives form a heavily constructed fantasy on the often-unsettling experience of the physical within the social body.

This show features sound design by Shy One and Whiskey Chow. Sin is dressed in Feminine drag and explores how speech acts play in the ascription of gender. A combined arts programme that explores health and illness in contemporary society, focusing on issues of gender, race and cultural identity.

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This Age & Opportunity/Bealtaine commissioned documentary short film, directed by Cathy Dunne and produced by Maggie Ryan, provides an intimate exploration of the older LGBTQIA+ community living in Ireland. The contributors speak openly and honestly about what resonates with them, not only from their past but their future. What transpired was the capturing of joys and sorrows that continue to shape their lives from love to hope, health and concerns for the safeguarding of their future, as well as the never-ending possibility of accepting and becoming your true self regardless of your age.

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Trailer: “Where do all the old gays go?”: Experiences of the Older LGBTQIA+ Community in Ireland

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Chris Vargas is a Los Angeles based interdisciplinary artist. He works with methods of humour and performance to help audiences navigate and understand the complex ways that trans and queer folk negotiate spaces for themselves in historical and instutional memory. Vargas is the Executive Director of MOTHA, the Museum of Transgender Hirstory & Art, a critical and conceptual art and hirstory institution highlighting the contributions of trans art to the cultural and political landscape.

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Homotopia By Chris Vargas and Eric Stanley

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Homotopia By Chris Vargas and Eric Stanley

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Homotopia: Love Revolution to State Delusion is a 2006 movie directed by Chris Vargas and Eric Stanley. This movie follows the chronicles of radical queers dedicated to exposing the trouble with gay marriage, dismantling the state and undoing the empire. The film takes a look at racism, colonialism and HIV/AIDS. This movie follows the protagonist Yoshi and his adventures of love resistance and sex while critiquing the violence of heternormativity and the United State’s perpetuation of patriotism and conservative structures. This film seeks to combat the idea that gay marriage will lead to queer liberation an is a queer cirtique on the institution of marriage. This film is shot in a shoot and run style and creates a melachony utopianism through the anti-colonial take of the queer struggle.

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Criminal Queers was the sequel to this film and is a “Prison-Break style comedy” and is a commentary on the American prison system and its oppression of queer folk. This film visualises the trans/queer struggle against the industrial prison complex. The characters of Yoshi, Joy, Susan and Lucy as they combat the lack of protection of queer people in the states laws. This film works to break the box of normal genders and desires and explores the ways we can liberate ourselves. This film plays a lot with the idea of transformation, using wigs and costumes as a way to blur the lines of gender.

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I Emailed My Doctor 133 Times: The Crisis In The British Healthcare System by Abigail Thorn 

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I Emailed My Doctor 133 Times: The Crisis In The British Healthcare System by Abigail Thorn 

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In this video essay Thorn explores the tragedy of the British Trans Healthcare system, thoroughly investigating those responsible for its existence. It follows her own story and through the NHS and the 133 emails she had to send over a prologues period of time to receive trans healthcare. In the NHS healthcare is supposed to be administered within 18 weeks, yet trans waiting lists are 19 years long.

Thorn refers to 2019’s Catch-22 that is a satirical dark comedy series that follows States Army Air Force bombardier, who is going along with the insanity of the army force’s institution, drawing metaphor with using Sergeant and Commander to talk about the different people of power in the NHS she talked to. Thorn draws the line between academically looking at the material of trans health and the extremely emotional truth of this topic. She addresses the deaths these lists have caused and the internal suffering within the trans community. Trans people’s only healthcare option being the pricey

Thorn references the book Complaint! by Sarah Ahmed which talks about the philosophy of the institutions of power and how they are run. It talks about how we can learn about institutions from complaining about the abusing of power. Ahmed explores how complaints are made and what actually happens. She discusses the time and effort it takes on the complainer to make action and change and the many ways she was pushed off to simply other people who referred her to other people.

Thorn explores the model of informed consent for trans healthcare and details the overly out of fashioned system that you through psychiatrists and GP’s to see if you are “trans enough” to receive healthcare. A woman who has menopause can directly ask their GP to receive hormones, yet trans people have to go through assessment, referrals and a special clinic to receive hormones. This highlights the transphobia and segregation of trans people in the health system.

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I Emailed My Doctor 133 Times: The Crisis In the British Healthcare System

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Sam Feder is a trans American Filmmaker. Sam’s films explore intersection of visibility and politics along the lines of race, class, and gender and their film making practice models inclusion and equity in the industry.

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Disclosure: Trans Lives on Screens is a 2020 documentary film directed and produced by Sam Feder. The film takes a look at contemporary film history and the representation of trans people and gender non conforming people. This film highlights the tropes that have continuously narrativised on trans people, tropes like trans women being depicted as violent woman eating serial killers and trans women concealing their identity and “tricking men.” It explores the complete lack of media depicting trans men, and when trans men are depicted, they become aggressive after starting horomones. The film explores queer tropes such as ‘bury your gays’ which depicts the violent end a lot of queer people face in media, our stories revolve around our death and tragedy. This documentary calls upon the need for more positive representation for trans people, during the documentary we hear commentary from different trans people and how these perpetually bad representations in media effected their coming out as well as their relationship with themselves. One person even calling upon the experience of coming out as a trans woman toher friend and him saying, “like Buffalo Bill?” A Serial killer who would skin women to wear their skin depicted in the famous film ‘Silent of the Lambs.’

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Boy I Am profiles the journey of three trans men as they transition, uncovering their hopes and dreams in the process. An early exploration of the trans male experience, this documentary opens up a dialogue between transgender communities and trans-exclusionary radical feminists (TERF), tackling the resistance that some women in feminist and lesbian communities have around transitioning. It is a groundbreaking film that brings to light the understanding needed for more trans inclusivity within the larger LGBTQ and feminist movements.

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For my first assignment I decided to create a mockumentary style film about the relationship between a person and a rock creature called Gustavo. I followed the brief shot sizes and culminated them together to create this strange mini film.