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I like this idea the most. It is multi-dimensional and multipurpose. I like the duality it represents about Human nature. The things we curate to show and the things we hide beneath the surface. The objects created on top will be aesthetic or surface level personal items. The cubby inside is where i hide the deepest things about myself.

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The schematic breakdown for my shelf drawers. This drawing maps out the layout and all the measurements assembled and as individual pieces.

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This was a 2D scale model looking at the shelf from each angle so I knew where all my lines would be.

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Part 2 of my 2D modeling of my project

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This was me doodling ideas for how I could make my own brackets.

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This was a breakdown for the drawer piece so I could adjust measurements and decide how they would fit.

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Alternate options for painting my project. Ultimately I liked the first column, third down so that’s what I went with in the final product.

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Wax model sheep for my bronze casting.

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Wax sheep model

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Wax sheep model

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Wax sheep model

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Bronze casted sheep

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Bronze casted sheep

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Bronze casted sheep

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Bronze casted sheep

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Obviously I skipped many steps. I forgot that I had to take photos. But this was me fixing my shelf topper. I had to glue down and clamp the top of the shelf to the base bc it was a little warped and not staying down properly.

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These were my drawers after I had to shave down the paint and used a thinner paint match to cover the sides of the gray piece. The paint was too thick so they didn’t shut in my shelves.

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This shows the paint damage that occurred after I sanded down the drawer face.

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This photo is when I had to reattach my drawer face. When I tried to fit the drawer in before I fixed the paint job and sanded it down, it got stuck inside and had to be broken out of my shelf. So this was the process of re-gluing it.

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This was my shelf bracket. I had cut metal, drilled screw holes and bent it to a 90 degree angle.

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These are my purple wax 3d prints of hand molded brown wax that I had scanned. I wanted several to make charms to hang on the brackets.

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After drawing several designs, this is the design I decided on for my brackets.

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This is all the cold formed shelf bracket pieces.

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This is the bracket before being welded together. I just wanted to see how everything worked together.

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These are the pewter casted charms I made and had scanned and printed. They were cut off the branches but my procrastination and lack of time got the best or me and they ended up unfinished.

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This is the installation of my work. The top one is high enough that most people need to use a step stool to see inside the drawer. The idea is that people have to put in some work to see my most hidden secret. The second shelf hold a shame but not a very well hidden shame. It’s easy to open and find out about me. The lower drawer is harder than the middle but easier than the top. It requires the audience to bend over and pull it open.

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This is the first juxtaposition. The division one track athlete. It’s something i am proud to show off that fact about me.

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This is the part I keep hidden. Though I am a high level athlete, I struggled to eat healthy and eat enough. Life was too busy so I was fueled by food that could be made and eaten in 10 minutes. I struggled for 4 years as an athlete with my weight and body image compare to the body types of my teammates. I was ashamed of the way I ate but I could not find a way to eat how an athlete should.

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This is the drawer shelf displaying how i look like a put together adult among my peers and how i am anything but. I have a plan for my future and i am in a strong healthy relationship. According to my friends, I appear to have it all figured out. Until you see the contents of the drawer.

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These images are of the artworks I’ve been in the process of completing for far longer than their due dates. I am a procrastinator and I struggle with time management. I usually finish things on time when I know there will be a huge punishment for not completing them on time. The sheep and the charms were meant to be displayed on the shelves and they were never finished. I have a traffic ticket for my car registration because I have not gotten it smogged but I was pulled over for speeding. Clearly I have nothing figured out. I am just like everyone else. A hot mess.

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This is my bigger secret. I portray myself to most people as happy, self assured, and generally normal. I have a colorful personality according to my friends. But when you open the drawer, you find my anxiety/antidepressants from the last 3-4 years. My mental health was something I struggled to come to terms with. I didn’t acknowledge the problems freshman year of college. I was forced to seek therapy and guilted into taking medication. Coming from a father who believes mental toughness is the answer to everything, I was severely ashamed of my struggles. The only people who knew were those who were immediately close to me who also struggled with the same issues. I could not talk to my dad about it even though I knew he would understand the reasons for my anxiety. I just did not want him to dismiss my feelings about the things causing my mental health struggles.

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This is the image showing my medication bottles from the past 3-4 years. Hidden so high up you can only see if you try to look for it. I did not want to make these easy to see. I wanted people to have to put in effort to find these things out about me.

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I feel like my project was not informed by research. I consider this work to be a self portrait, a reflection of myself. This project was inspired by discussion. I found the Oscar Wilde quote while watching Criminal Minds.

“A man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask and he will tell you the truth” -Oscar Wilde.

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The quote reminded me of a discussion I had with Ahren about why people use shelves and why people use cabinets and drawers. This idea of what you want people to see versus what you don’t want to be accessible to everyone. So i asked myself, what are my prominent expressions of myself or what i would want people to see?

Thoughts behind top shelf: I want people to think I’m a happy person and that I’m perfectly pleased with the ways my life has panned out. I didn’t want people, especially my father, to think I was weak for needing anxiety medication and therapy. I kept it hidden for so long. The only reason my dad knows now is because I blew up on him about his drinking and had a heart to heart with him.

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Thoughts behind middle shelf: I wanted people to think of me as a stellar athlete and not as the girl who eats Taco Bell and consumes an ungodly amount of sugar just to stay alive all day. It’s not that I didn’t want to eat healthy, it was just my shame of not knowing how and not having time and energy to ensure that I did and research how to be healthy. My parents were poor growing up. We didn’t buy veggies because we didn’t buy perishable items very often. We needed things that would last whether they were eaten or not that week. We did not have time to plan meals perfectly so I wasn’t raised to know how to eat healthy.

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Thoughts behind lower drawer: Lastly, I want to see put together. I want nothing more than to have my 5 year plan fall into place without a hitch. I want to graduate, get married, move into a place together, and work as a teacher and have kids eventually and just live life as I planned it. But life isn’t that planned, I have nothing out together. I couldn’t even finish any of my projects including this one. I cant get my car registered because I cant prioritize getting a smog done on it in California when I go home. When I asked my mom what are things I wouldn’t want to show/tell people. She said “don’t show people how bad you are with procrastination” and she was right. I procrastinate so hard in my life. I do everything last minute and I figure things out as i go. I always believe that if there’s a will, there’s a way and things will just work out. Which is why i am doing this assignment at 11 an hour before its due.