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How to discuss your child’s diagnosis with them

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How to discuss your child’s diagnosis with them

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Autistic people describe themselves and autism in different ways, so it is always best to ask the individual themselves what their preference is.Some people may not have the ability to communicate their preference in a way we can understand. If you can’t ask them, try asking someone who knows them well or use the language they use.

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Read about the experiences of 20 year old Emma

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Debunking Autism Stereotypes & Autism Myths | The Mix

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There are a lot of myths and stereotypes about autism, so what’s actually true? Emma sits down with The Mix to debunk some autism stereotypes & myths.

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This clip offers advice about how to cope with behaviour that is challenging or upsetting

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Coping with behaviour that's challenging

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Videos and clips to help open conversations about autism with your child

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What might happen in the autism assessment?

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What might happen in the autism assessment?

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What will happen in the autism assessment? What will I have to do?

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Find out more about your child’s diagnosis and what it might mean for them

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Information about what autism is, how it affects people and how you can support autistic people.

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Telling your child about their diagnosis

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Telling your child about their diagnosis

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You have the diagnosis and probably a ton of medical jargon. How on earth are you meant to explain this to your child who is, if they have been diagnosed young, still learning to write their name?

Many parents have this worry as they don't want their child to think of themselves as abnormal or be worried about who they are, but I can confirm that your child probably already knows they are different. Not telling your child could cause more harm, as if they know they are different but don't know why, they will end up confused and have low-self esteem.

Children are very observant, especially when they are around their peers and hear comments about them when adults think they're not listening, so chances are they already know, but just don't have a word for it yet.

The first step is to address your own views on the subject so that you don't pass on any worries to your child. Every parent has worries, and it is natural to ask yourself how your child will struggle, but even without a diagnosis your child is still autistic and they just need the right accommodations to thrive.

Create a safe space for your child so that you can calmly have this conversation. Have to hand their favourite snacks, a cuddly blanket and keep the room clear of extra people.

Start simple with things they already experience, such as "so you know how loud sounds hurt your ears?" or "I've found out why some foods taste really bad to you." Then lead into the facts, that this is because they are autistic, that it isn't anything to worry about and that it just means their brain works differently to other people's.

If they are older and can handle a bit of terminology, explain that they have different sensory needs or may need help with their social skills, but try and avoid negative words such as 'disorder' or 'struggle'. This is your child's first introduction to having a diagnosis, and it needs to be positive.

Be open to questions, even if you don't know the answers. You can use this as a bonding experience by looking at different resources together or looking up autistic creators. You can shop for stim toys together and make a list of safe foods and safe spaces.

Your child may be upset. It's only natural to have big feelings when a new thing comes into play, and a diagnosis can be a very big thing even if they don't quite understand it yet. Just reassure them that you are there for them, you will learn with them and it is not a thing to 'overcome' or 'beat', it is who they are and that is wonderful.

End the conversation showing them some celebrities or creators who are autistic and show them how autistic brains are wonderful in their differences. Make a list together of the positives of being autistic relating to your child, so that they can have something to look back on if they have a hard time.

Not only is this the first conversation you will have with your child about their diagnosis, but it will be your beginning on being an advocate for your child. Your child will look to you to check if it is okay to be authentic as an autistic person, and if they have your support and acceptance then they will continue to grow and accept themselves.

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Telling your child they're autistic | Autistic Girls Network

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Parents worry as they don't want their child to think of themselves as abnormal, but your child probably already knows they are different.

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Autistic voices share their experiences of stereotypes

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Autistic voices share their experiences of stereotypes

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How autistic people are perceived | Embrace Autism

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We autistic people think, process, and speak differently, resulting in some idiosyncratic mannerisms. As a result, we’re often perceived as weird.

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Source: Autistic Girls Network

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1. MYTH: Autism is a learning disability.

TRUTH: Autism is not a learning disability. It is a neurodevelopmental condition. Statistics suggest that approximately 40% of autistic people also have a learning disability, but this number may be lower considering the number of autistic people unrecognised.

2. MYTH: Autistic people don't make eye contact.

TRUTH: Eye contact can be difficult for many autistic people. Some don't make eye contact, because it is uncomfortable, or even painful. Others will appear like they are making eye contact but are in-fact looking at the person's nose or eyebrows. And some don't find eye contact difficult at all. Autism is, after all, a spectrum.

3. MYTH: The autism spectrum is a linear spectrum from high functioning to low functioning.

TRUTH: A lot of people believe the autism spectrum to be like a straight line from low to high functioning, but this is not the case. The autism spectrum is more like a circle, with different autistic people experiencing different autistic traits to different intensities. Some have higher or lower support needs. Some also have a learning disability or other comorbid conditions. It is also important to recognise that autistic people's ability to function can vary significantly from day to day, even hour to hour

4. MYTH: Autistic people don't experience empathy.

TRUTH: Some autistic people experience empathy so intensely that it is physically painful taking on everyone else's emotions and feelings too. Empathy towards animals can also be extreme. However, some do struggle with empathy and that is okay - empathy is different to being compassionate and caring about other people's feelings, it's about putting yourself in someone else's shoes and that can be hard.

5. MYTH: You can tell if someone is autistic by looking at them.

TRUTH: Autistic people do not look any different to anyone else. You have probably met hundreds of autistic people without knowing they were autistic.

6. MYTH: It is wrong to say 'autistic person' instead of 'person with autism'.

TRUTH: There is nothing wrong with saying 'autistic person'. Autism isn't a disease or a bad thing. It's no different to saying 'a left-handed person' rather than a 'person with left-handedness'. Identity-first language (a.k.a. 'autistic person) is more widely preferred amongst autistic people than person-first language, but it is always best to ask individuals if you are not sure

7. MYTH: Autistic people aren't sociable.

TRUTH: Some autistic people are overly social, and it is not true that autistic people don't want friends. Some prefer to be alone, especially to recuperate, and some children do like to play alone, which is okay, but this doesn't mean they don't want friends or always want to be alone.

8. MYTH: Autistic people don't understand humour.

TRUTH: Some autistic people find it hard to interpret jokes and non-literal language, but this doesn't mean they don't understand any humour. There are many autistic stand-up comedians these days!

9. MYTH: Autistic people are good at maths and science.

TRUTH: Just like non-autistic people, autistic people are good at various different subjects and weaker in others. Some do love maths and science, but others love drama and art!

10. MYTH: Autistic people aren't imaginative.

TRUTH: Imagination can be difficult, especially if the individual thinks in a very literal way, but this is not the case for all. Some can have an abundance of creative imagination, but struggle with social imagination, for example imagining different outcomes or routines from what they are used to.
It is important to remember that autistic people are all different, each with their own individual strengths and challenges.

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There are a lot of myths out there about autism, many of which stem from research done when autism was first recognised.

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Ned shares his experience of his autism

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Hints and tips from the National Autistic Society

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Having an autistic sibling can be a positive experience as they can share their unique qualities and outlook on life with you. It may help you to become a more accepting person. However, it may also be quite stressful at times.

Here we look at some of the potential concerns you may have about having an autistic sibling, whether you're an adult, teenager or child.

We also have some resources for parents of younger children who have an autistic sibling.

Adult siblings of an autistic person

You might be concerned about the future care needs of your autistic sibling (if they have high support needs), particularly when your parents are no longer able to be their primary carers.

It may be useful to meet as a family to talk about ideal care options for your autistic sibling in the future. Your sibling should be included in this if possible, using whatever means of communication that will give them the opportunity to express their views.

Consider if they are able to live independently or what community care option would be best for them? Would they prefer to live in residential care or supported living?

Find out more about the National Autistic Society's residential and supported living services and check out our available placements.

You may want to help your sibling find a job, manage their money, choose a college or university placement or have a better understanding of how they are able to advocate for themselves. It's particularly important to think about long term planning.

Teenage and child siblings of an autistic person

You may feel that your autistic brother or sister doesn't get told off as often as you do and that your parents give them more attention. As a sibling this may make you feel angry, sad, jealous, frustrated and/or confused. Watching our What is autism? video may help you understand why your sibling acts in the way that they do.

Bridget shares her experience of having an autistic sister:
"Even now I still find it hard to deal with. I'm a lot more patient with my sister than I used to be, and I'm trying to be a better sibling to her. I sometimes slip and get into a bad mood - but hey, I can't be perfect all the time. I'm still getting used to the whole concept of autism, and I don't really understand all about it."
It's important to remember that your parent/s don't love you any less than your autistic sibling. It could be that you don't require the same level of support that your sibling does, and so your parent/s feel they are able to trust you to do certain things alone. Although it may be difficult, try to speak to your parent/s to tell them how you feel, you may feel more comfortable to do this by text or email. They may be able to arrange some time when it can just be you and them.

If you can't talk to your parent/s, then try to talk to an adult in school, friend or a helpline.

You could ask a teacher or pastoral support worker if they can teach autism awareness in school.

Talking to others who have autistic siblings may also help. There are some groups that your family can ask for support and who may be able to give you the chance to meet others in a similar situation.

Find out more about our National Autistic Society branches and groups.

Your next steps

Resources for parents of younger children with autistic siblings

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Family relationships - a guide for siblings of autistic people

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Tips and support strategies for siblings of autistic people

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Sibs is an organisation which helps the siblings of people with different abilities and offers support and guidance

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Skip to main content

His sleep is frequently disrupted because his brother Arlo needs help at night.

NEW RESOURCES - Sibs Talk Lite

Sibs Talk Lite is a new set of FREE resources for primary and secondary schools to support siblings who are growing up with a brother or sister who is disabled, has special educational needs (SEND) or a serious long-term health condition.

Sibs Christmas cards now on sale!

Buy a pack of our beautifully designed Christmas cards and help support our work with siblings of disabled people.

NEW - Sibling group leader training, 2nd February 2024

Do you want to run group support for young siblings? This online session will give you all the information you need to plan, set up, run and evaluate your own local group

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Sibs is the UK charity for people who grow up with a disabled brother or sister.

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Information and support for siblings aged 7-17

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Tips and information for siblings of disabled children on issues such as school life, understanding disability and thinking about the future.

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Support strategies for your child’s learning

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Support strategies for your child’s learning

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School - Reasonable Adjustments | Autistic Girls Network

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All schools, employers, local authorities have a duty to make reasonable adjustments for disabled people under the Equality Act, 2010.

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Summary of key points

Understanding of the presentation of autism, especially in people who 'mask', has changed hugely over time.

Older generations were very clear about what autism 'looked like' and many of these views have now been discredited. An example of discredited views about difference might be how being left-handed was viewed in the past, and how much damage was caused by the awful practices associated with forcing people to use their right hands.

The definitions of autism in the past were also based upon 'acting out', and very 'visible' differences reinforced in film and TV. The formal diagnostic criteria have changed considerably in more recent times.

In the past, there was also a sense of 'shame' associated with being autistic or having an autistic family member.

Older generations may have been influenced by this, and a period of adjustment might be necessary. This can only come with education and awareness.

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Talking to Grandparents | Autistic Girls Network

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Where there are multiple generations in a family, there can SOMETIMES be a lack of knowledge of the needs of a younger person.

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Source: NHS Bradford

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অটিস্টিক মানুষদের অন্যের সাথে আচরণ অন্যরকম হতে পারে
অটিস্টিক লোকেরা হতে পারে:

অন্যের সাথে যোগাযোগ এবং ভাব বিনিময় করা কঠিন মনে হতে পারে

অন্যেরা কীভাবে ভাবনাচিন্তা বা অনুভব করে তা বুঝতে অসুবিধা হতে পারে

উজ্জ্বল আলো বা কোলাহলের মত জিনিস অসহ্য, উদ্বেগজনক বা অস্বস্তিকর মনে হতে পারে

অচেনা পরিস্থিতি এবং সামাজিক অনুষ্ঠান সম্পর্কে উদ্বিগ্ন বা বিচলিত হতে পারে

তথ্য বুঝতে বেশি সময় নিতে পারে

একই জিনিস বার বার করতে বা ভাবতে পারে।

অটিজম কোনও অসুস্থতা নয়
অটিস্টিক হওয়ার অর্থ এই নয় যে আপনার কোনও অসুস্থতা বা রোগ হয়েছে। এর অর্থ আপনার মস্তিষ্ক অন্যদের থেকে আলাদাভাবে কাজ করে।

এটি হয় খুব অল্প বয়সে অথবা জন্ম থেকেই হয়।

আপনি একবার অটিস্টিক হলে সারা জীবন অটিস্টিক থাকবেন।

অটিজম এমন কোনো অবস্থা নয় যার চিকিৎসা বা "নিরাময়" রয়েছে। তবে কিছু মানুষের নির্দিষ্ট কিছু করার ক্ষেত্রে সহায়তার দরকার হয়।
অটিস্টিক মানুষ পূর্ণ জীবনযাপন করতে পারে
অটিস্টিক হওয়ার কারণে ভাল জীবন কাটাতে পারবেন না তা নয়।

আর পাঁচজনের মতই যারা অটিস্টিক, তারা কয়েকটা জিনিস ভাল করতে পারেন আবার কয়েকটা জিনিস পারেন না।

অটিস্টিক হওয়ার অর্থ এই নয় যে আপনি কখনই বন্ধুত্ব করতে পারবেন না, সম্পর্ক রাখতে পারবেন না বা চাকরি পাবেন না। তবে এসব জিনিস করতে আপনার অতিরিক্ত সাহায্য লাগতে পারে।
অটিজম প্রত্যেকের ক্ষেত্রে আলাদা
অটিজমে নানা বিবিধতা থাকতে পারে। মানে অটিজমে আক্রান্ত প্রত্যেকেই আলাদারকম।

কিছু অটিস্টিক মানুষের সামান্য সাহায্যের প্রয়োজন হয় বা হয়ই না। অন্যদের প্রতিদিন পিতামাতা বা কেয়ারারের সাহায্যের প্রয়োজন হতে পারে।
কিছু লোক অটিজমকে অন্যান্য নামে ডাকেন
কিছু লোক অটিজম বোঝাতে অন্য নামও ব্যবহার করেন, যেমন:

অটিজম স্পেকট্রাম ডিসঅর্ডার (ASD) - অটিজমের চিকিৎসাগত নাম

অটিজম স্পেকট্রাম কন্ডিশন (ASC) - কিছু লোক ASD এর পরিবর্তে ব্যবহার করে

অ্যাস্পার্গারের (বা অ্যাস্পার্গার সিন্ড্রোম) - অটিস্টিক মানুষদের সাধারণ বা অনন্যসাধারণ বুদ্ধি থাকলে কিছু লোক এই নাম ব্যবহার করে

অটিজমের কারণ পরিষ্কার নয়
অটিজমের কারণ বা আদৌ কোনও কারণ আছে কিনা কেউ জানে না।

এটি একই পরিবারের লোকজনকে প্রভাবিত করতে পারে। তাই কখনও কখনও সন্তান তার পিতামাতার থেকে এটি পেতে পারে।
অটিজম এসব কারণে হয় না:

খারাপ অভিভাবকত্ব

MMR টিকার মত কোনো টিকা

খাদ্যাভ্যাস

এমন সংক্রমণ যা আপনি অন্যান্যদের মধ্যে ছড়িয়ে দিতে পারেন

অটিস্টিক মানুষদের যে কোনও বুদ্ধিগত স্তর থাকতে পারে
কিছু অটিস্টিক মানুষের বুদ্ধি সাধারণ বা অনন্যসাধারণ হয়।

কিছু অটিস্টিক মানুষ শিখতে পারেন না। মানে তারা নিজেদের দেখাশোনা করতে পারেন না এবং তাদের প্রাত্যহিক জীবনে অন্যের সাহায্যের প্রয়োজন হয়।
অটিস্টিক মানুষের অন্যান্য অবস্থাও থাকতে পারে
অটিস্টিক ব্যক্তিদের প্রায়শই অন্যান্য অবস্থা থাকে, যেমন:

অ্যাটেনশন ডেফিসিট হাইপারঅ্যাক্টিভিটি ডিসঅর্ডার (ADHD) বা ডিসলেক্সিয়া

উদ্বেগ বা অবসাদ

মৃগী

(NHS 2020) https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/autism/what-is-autism/

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অটিস্টিক মানুষদের অন্যের সাথে আচরণ অন্যরকম হতে পারে অটিস্টিক লোকেরা হতে পারে: অন্যের সাথে যোগাযোগ এবং ভাব বিনিময় করা কঠিন মনে হতে পারে অন্যেরা কীভাবে ভাবনাচিন্তা বা অনুভব করে তা বুঝতে অসুবিধা হতে পারে উজ্জ্বল আলো বা কোলাহলের মত জিনিস অসহ্য, উদ্বেগজনক বা অস্বস্তিকর মনে হতে পারে অচেনা পরিস্থিতি এবং

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Help your child create a personal passport

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Help your child create a personal passport

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Explore their needs and support strategies together using this tool

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What can it feel like to experience life with autism?

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What can it feel like to experience life with autism?

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This video shares some of the sensory differences autistic people may experience.

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Barrington was diagnosed in his 30s, but feels that earlier diagnosis may have benefitted him as a child.

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Living with autism in London- BBC London

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Ambitious about Autism is the national charity for children and young people with autism. We provide services, raise awareness and understanding, and campaign for change. Through TreeHouse School, The Rise School and Ambitious College we offer specialist education and support.

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Use this infographic to practice breathing techniques with your child. Remember, you can practice it whilst they are feeling calm to help them to recall the technique!

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This wheel can help your child understand different emotional intensities and encourage them to name how they’re feeling.

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Learning how to clearly communicate with your child

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Autistic Children and Communication in School | Autism Space | Leicestershire Partnership NHS Trust

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Discover some of the common communication issues autistic children experience in school and how you can support them with this.

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Learning and resources for any age group

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Learning and resources for any age group

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Aimed at parents and carers of those with neurodiversity