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Im a queer, half german half brazilian demi girl (she/they). I have the best friends on this earth because all of them are very nice and supportive. I have some mental health issues and problems but I’m fighting and my friends helping me a lot. I’m really excited for my future but at the same time I don’t even know if I want to live anymore. Why is living so fucking confusing?

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I really love ramen

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I really want to visit Japan especially Tokyo/Shibuya

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I love reading and listening to music

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Most of the time I’m just reading Alice Oseman or any other queer love stories but those are my favourite books EVER!

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I don’t know how to describe it. Like most of the things in my life it’s very confusing and not easy to describe. So here is just my apple musik. You can see yourself if you are interested.

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00:19 16.02.2024:

I’m overthinking again. I don’t know. I’m really happy about everything that happened but I’m also scared that she is like pranking me. Like it was a joke of their friends or something like that. I was or maybe I’m still scared, because last week I was on an exchange in Spain and I have to make up for everything I missed the passed week. A very good friend send me everything we did, but I actually checked it like with all my concentration just about half an hour ago. While I was doing this I noticed a deadline for something in my French class. Due last Thursday. So I don’t know if I have to upload it or not. I’m scared because my French teacher is very strict and I don’t want to get a bad grade. Grades also a good topic, I’m stressing myself very much about grades because, I don’t really know why just because I used to be the best of the class and now I’m scared that I will not pass this school year. I don’t know, as always, it’s just so confusing

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I’m currently very obsessed with jujutsukaisen.

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23:28 15.02.2024:

Bella (code name) just wrote me a text message in which she said that she has feelings for me and asked how I feel about that. I was a bit surprised but I kinda thought this for a bit of time. I do feel something too, I think so. But as always it wouldn’t be my life if it wasn’t confusing. So the point is I don’t know if I 100% have the same feeling. I kinda just like a person if the show me affection because I never had affection. So whenever I have the feeling someone likes me a bit mor, I immediately feel that way too. I also kinda have the feeling that Sara (code name) also has those feelings for me so I’m kinda confused about that. I don’t know how to explain that. I’m really not good with words or explanations.

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18:53 30.03.2024

I’m feeling disconnected from reality.
I don’t feel like I’m existing right now. Overall im happy because I got the most beautiful girlfriend I could have ever thought of, but at the same time I’m so disconnected from myself that I don’t Vene feel anything. I’m thinking an out the past week right now and what I did. On Monday I met up with my gorgeous girlfriend. We ate fries and talked. We were just sitting in a parck most of the time and were talking about different stuff. Some more deep some more generally. I love spending time with her she just setts my mind and soul on ease. I feel so fucking good when I’m with her. On Wednesday I met up with my Bestie, she is transitioning from male to female right now. And we searched for some clothes, it didn’t want that well, because nothing really seamed good. We ended up with one hoodie. But anyway we also did eat some kebab and talked. The other days I was just sitting in my room being depressed and doing absolutely nothing. Last night my girlfriend and I senden us som manny sweet reels. It’s kinda our love language. I would love to cuddle and embrace her, but I don’t know if we’re already at that point. I’ve never been at her home and she never was at my home. So I would love to just lay in bed with her, doesn’t matter in which one’s, and watch some movies while cuddling.
Yeah that’s live right now.