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When "erotic" is mentioned, a person's train of thought might immediately go to something physical or sexual. Society has socialized us into thinking that anything that's even associated with the erotic is something taboo and must be judged and discouraged. However, this could not be farther from the truth. Audre Lorde talks about the concept of the erotic as this lifeforce in women, in all people. Lorde discusses how the erotic functions in a couple of ways. The erotic is a source of power that comes from sharing deeply any of our pursuits with another person. It serves as the "open and fearless underlining" of our capacity to joy, passion, and life. We share our joy in the satisfying and develop deeper connections with each other. For us to feel deeply is to know that we are capable of the joy that we so strongly deserve.

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Queer desire may be but is not inherently sexual in nature. It's to be loved and accepted. It's to be seen and heard. It's to find community, support, and yes, love. Queer desire is the embodiment, the evidence, of the erotic and queer pleasure. It's breaking the walls of our heteronormative and patriarchal society when it comes to life, love, and everything in between. Queer desire is radical queer politics in that it acknowledges how people are trapped under systems of oppression and still choose to love and desire each other queerly. To feel queer desire is to feel and live life. The true feeling of loving and being loved with reckless abandon.

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Before taking any queer classes, or even GWS courses at UIC, I had no idea that the erotic was a lifeforce or that queer desire existed. Growing up in an Filipino household, there were a lot of things that was taboo to talk about. Anything outside of the norm was something they refused to talk about. One of them was the topic of eroticism and desire in general. Whether it may be due to the prevailing stereotypes and eroticism used to demean Asian people or just the notion that erotic meant sex, this was something that my family and my culture has deliberately ignored and condemned. It's through the work of Lorde and other queer activists like Alok Vaid-Menon that I'm able to unlearn these negative stereotypes and perceptions about the erotic and queer desire. It's through them and classes like this that I realize how huge of a part the erotic and queer desire of being has played in my own life. Frankly, it has and continues to shape me into the best and most authentic person I can be.

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My cast and crew in Fefu and Her Friends

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While some of the people in this production have been my friends before this, they've become even closer to me. When people talk about a show's rehearsal process, they talk about how any show will be full of ups and downs. I'd like to disagree on that. As a show about women and the plights of being a woman in today's society, we were able to form a community that relied and supported each other. We've had nothing but love and pure joy working with each other as we brought these women in the script to life. No one didn't have to pretend (aside from the acting of course). Everyone was able to be themselves because we knew that no one would judge. The joy that we all felt to be a part of something that's bigger than ourselves was the focal point of how this production became a family. That for me is the power and manifestation of the erotic; the knowledge that spaces like this exist in art and can be manifested as long we work on it.

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My partner, Noe, and I on our most recent in-person date.

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My partner and I have been together for 2 years now. Having her as my best friend, my confidante, and my constant has meant the world to me. She's my safe haven. The happiness I feel when it comes to her is truly remarkable. Even though we're long distance right now, it's nothing compared to our love and care for one another. She and I are very different people but we connect with each other through those and our similarities. What I love about our love is that we consciously choose each other over every issue, problem, or obstacle that comes our way. Love takes a lot of work but with her, it's the kind of work that I'd willingly do for as long as it takes. That's what the erotic and queer desire are for me. It's to experience joy and love in the purest way one can. She's shown me that love is an infinite resource. Now, I can say that love truly knows no bounds.