# data[].attributes.headline
De-escalation Exercises for Upset Students

# data[].attributes.subject
De-escalation Exercises for Upset Students

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Social & Emotional Learning (SEL)

A simple technique that takes just a few minutes can help an agitated student regain the state of mind needed for learning.

So often we find students in a stressed or anxious state of mind. The most telltale signs are inappropriate behaviors or outbursts, negative comments, and anxiety-ridden movements such as fidgeting, leg shaking, and fist clenching. These signals should raise immediate concern and indicate to educators that a response may be needed. The goal is to guide the student to a self-regulated mindset, but how does a teacher do that?

First let's review what is going on with a student in the middle of an outburst. Cortisol, which is responsible for keeping people alive in the face of danger, is being released. Often referred to as the stress hormone, cortisol plays a crucial role in our ability to protect ourselves. When we experience stressful situations, the release of cortisol helps us respond rapidly, but it comes with a cost, as it negatively affects the brain's ability to function at an optimal level.

Think of it like this: You're in the ocean on a surfboard waiting for the perfect wave. A short distance away, you see a shark fin pop out of the water, heading your way. Immediately two chemicals- cortisol and adrenaline-are released and you enter the fight, flight, or freeze response: You can fight the shark, flee by paddling as fast as you can, or freeze and hope the shark loses interest in you. Whatever your response, you find yourself in a moment of stress, anxiety, uncertainty, and fear due to heightened cortisol levels.

Now let's consider how this might look in a learning environment. At the end of a class, two students learn that they have received a poor grade on a science test. This is not a life-or-death situation like the approaching shark, but the physiological response is the same. The students' cortisol levels are high and they are anxious, a state of mind that doesn't support clear, conscious thinking. Upon entering their English class, the two students are visibly upset. One heads straight for their seat and begins to cry, while the other throws their book bag on the floor and punches the desk. For the teacher, recognizing these signs before beginning class is important.

The Stress Response and the Brain

The young brain can be confusing, complex, and often misunderstood, not only from the perspective of adults but more importantly from that of the students themselves. In order for students to understand how their brain functions, it's important to teach them about a few parts of the brain and their functions. To keep it simple, teach them about the amygdala, prefrontal cortex, and hippocampus.

The amygdala directs rapid responses when necessary-the fight, flight, or freeze response. When the amygdala detects a threat, it responds faster than the prefrontal cortex, which directs the ability to make decisions and problem-solve, and the hippocampus, which is responsible for remembering details and storing memories. The two areas of the brain most needed for academic work are thus bypassed. As a result, an anxious, stressed, or fearful state of mind can lead to poor decision-making, inability to think with clarity, and impulsive behaviors.

Learning how to calm ourselves is imperative for our well-being, and the following technique, which is designed to decrease negative impulses and emotions, can be shared with students. The goal is to lead them to more regulated thinking and learning.

A De-escalation Technique

Let's go back to the two upset students in their English class. They aren't ready to work, but the teacher can help by taking a few minutes to guide them back to a state of calm.

This process should take anywhere from four to six minutes and be centered on the student. I've provided a sample of what a teacher might say at each stage, but you should modify those statements so they feel natural to you.

If you have a paraprofessional or in-class support teacher, you can ask a student who seems upset to step out into the hallway or into an area of the classroom set aside for de-escalation. Or you can do this as a whole-class starter activity for anyone who might have something worrisome on their minds. Students can either choose this de-escalation technique-thinking over their answers instead of sharing them out loud-or engage in a warm-up activity connected to the class such as completing a journal entry or worksheet.

Give the student time to regain their calm: Say, "I notice you're really upset. Let's work together on breathing slowly for one minute in order to manage your impulses."

Direct the student to be aware of their thoughts and feelings: Say, "What's going on in your brain and body right now? Tell me how you feel and what you're thinking, and if you're ready to focus on moving forward with getting calm."

Have the student redirect their thoughts: Say, "Take a minute, close your eyes, breathe slowly, and think about something that makes you happy. I know you told me how much you love your grandma's fresh-baked cookies. Think about walking into grandma's house in a calm state of mind as you smell the cookies, taste the cookies, and feel the warmth of them right out of the oven."

Give the student positive feedback on becoming calm: Say, "Now open your eyes. How are you feeling? If you need more time to settle down, let me know. You should feel happy and excited about your work in getting to this point."

Give the student a little more time to refocus: Say, "Take a minute and do something for you. Go for a walk and get some air, or tell me about your baseball game the other night."

Have the student reflect for the future: Say, "The next time you're feeling this way and I'm not with you, what can you tell yourself in order to take charge of your thinking and behavior, and get yourself to a regulated place?"

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
A De-escalation Exercise for Upset Students

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
A simple technique that takes just a few minutes can help an agitated student regain the state of mind needed for learning.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Overparenting is still in style, despite a lot of evidence against it. While letting children fail is critical to instilling resilience and creativity, it's often difficult to do. In this episode of If Our Bodies Could Talk, senior editor James Hamblin demonstrates various strategies with writer David Young and his child.

About This Series

Off-beat perspectives on health topics from Dr. James Hamblin.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Nicolas Pollock, James Hamblin, and Jaclyn Skurie

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
How to Explain to a Child That Life Is Difficult

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Overparenting is still in style, despite a lot of evidence against it. While letting children fail is critical to instilling resilience and creativity, it's often difficult to do. In this episode of If Our Bodies Could Talk , senior editor James Hamblin demonstrates various strategies with writer David Young and his child.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.provider_name
Education Week - Classroom Q&A With Larry Ferlazzo

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
The new "question-of-the-week" is:
How can we best respond to student grief after losing a loved one?

In thinking about this question, it seems to me that there is much more written about how a school can best cope with the loss of one of their students than with suggestions on how a teacher can help a student dealing with the loss of a family member or friend. The first instance is obviously tragic and traumatic, and needs to be discussed. But since the second instance tends to happen far more frequently, I hope readers will find this post helpful.

Several exceptional educators have contributed to today's column, including Mary Tedrow, Stephen Lazar, Larry Swartz, Dr. Sherrel Bergmann and Dr. Judith Brough. In addition, I've included responses from readers.

You can also hear Mary and Stephen elaborate on their written contributions in my weekly ten minute BAM! Radio program.

Before I turn today's post over to my guests, I'd like to share a few suggestions of my own.

First, readers might find these two resources helpful:
The Best Resources For Helping Students Deal With Grief The Best Resources On Talking With Children About Tragedies
Secondly, for years I've thought (and continue to think) that this article, How to: Help Your Students Deal with Grief and Loss by Kit Richert, was/is one of the most useful, and concise, pieces on the topic that I've seen.

Finally, Remembering With Love is a book I give to my mainstream high school students who are experiencing grief, and provides short, page-long vignettes. It's designed as a guide throughout the first year of loss (first month, first holiday, etc.). In fact, over the past twenty-two years, I've probably given over seventy copies away to students, colleagues and friends who have suffered a loss.

There's a story behind this...

My first wife died twenty-two ago. Linda's profession was being a...bereavement counselor. Because of her work, there was obviously no shortage of bereavement resources around our house. I went through them all, and nothing seemed to really fit. One day, I was just browsing through a bookstore and found Remembering With Love. I found it very helpful, and I believe that everybody -- students and adults alike -- whom I've since given a copy has felt the same way.

In addition to reading the ideas offered by today's guests, please feel free to leave suggestions in the comments section on how you have helped students experiencing grief, or of other resources you've found useful.

Response From Mary Tedrow
Mary K. Tedrow is a National Board Certified Teacher of English Language Arts/Adolescence and Young Adulthood with 24 years of classroom experience. She is also a Co-Director of the Northern Virginia Writing Project, the Porterfield Endowed English Chair and John Handley High School, and a charter member of the Center for Teaching Quality Teacher Leaders Forum:
Parents and teachers, those responsible for nurturing children into caring and responsive adults, continually question what should be shared or avoided when talking with children. Above all, we hope to "do no harm." In the midst of raising three children and wrestling with what to say and when, I stumbled across this advice from Fred Rogers, host of Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood: "Anything that's human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone." This advice, which I distilled to "If it happens to people, we can talk about it," has driven my parenting and teaching philosophy ever since, particularly when it comes to acknowledging difficult topics with children. And death is the most difficult topic of all. If we are unwilling to mention grief in the presence of our students, it becomes an "unmentionable topic," one that must be too scary, too overwhelming for adults and, ultimately, much, much too big for children. Avoiding the difficult means leaving children adrift to figure it out alone. We owe it to the children in our lives to be honest about the feelings that occur when someone we love is lost. Speak to your students. Offer your condolences and a listening ear to the one who suffers. Let students see your own grief and your ability to cope with it. It will help everyone. When the topic is initiated it provides a space for the child to express worries and concerns. Teaching is really about building relationships that touch and change our children. So remember Mr. Rogers further advice, "The greatest gift you ever give is your honest self." Be honest. Kids will know when you are making it up.
Response From Stephen Lazar
Stephen Lazar, a National Board Certified Social Studies teacher, is a co-founder of Harvest Collegiate High School in New York City where he teaches students Social Studies and English, is Assessment Coordinator, and union chapter leader. Lazar works with Social Studies teachers across NYC and the nation to support to support inquiry-based instruction, project-based learning, and Common Core implementation. He is profiled in Teacherpreneurs: Innovative Teachers Who Lead But Don't Leave, by Barnett Berry, Ann Byrd, and Alan Wieder:
I can sadly only answer this question from my personal experience. When I was a sophomore in high school, one of my closest friends passed away the Monday before Thanksgiving. Josh had been diagnosed with a very treatable form of leukemia only a week prior. On Friday he went into surgery to insert the catheter. He never became fully conscious again before dying of a brain hemorrhage. Half a life time later, there are still dozens of memories that might as well have been yesterday. Included in them are the actions of three teachers. I had first period Geometry with Josh, where he sat in front of me. Mrs. Ricci came up to me as class started my first day back after Thanksgiving, in tears herself, and gave me a hug. She asked if there was anything she could do and what I wanted to do about seating. I asked her to keep Josh's seat open, which she did for the rest of the year. My history teacher, Mr. Rivera, didn't teach Josh, but knew we were friends somehow. I remember he got the class working on something that first day back, then came to me and Josh's other friends who sat together in the back of the room, and asked us to tell him about Josh. He sat and listened for the entire period. It was the first time in high school an adult had ever sat and listened to me for an extended period of time. Most important were the actions of my English teacher, Mr. Kramer. The day after Josh's death, he called me at home to express his condolences and offer his support. I couldn't believe a teacher was calling me at home, and that small gesture communicated more love and care than anything else that was done for me in those weeks. As the year went on, Mr. Kramer supported me in writing about Josh a lot, even when my writings didn't exactly fit into the assignments he had given. At the end of the year, Mr. Kramer shared a poem he wrote about Josh, and his admiration for the strength he saw in those of us living with his loss. These three teachers got it right because they offered themselves as real humans who were also touched by the loss. In all three cases, their support was significant because they offered space -- the empty seat, an attentive ear, a blank page -- in which my friends and I could begin to process and deal with the death.
Response From Larry Schwartz
Larry Swartz is an instructor at the Ontario Institute for Studies in Education at the University of Toronto and principal of continuing education courses and dramatic arts at OISE. His latest book is The Bully-Go-Round: Literacy and Arts Strategies for Promoting Bully Awareness in the Classroom:
Tragedies happen in life, and it is important for young people to have an ear, a shoulder, and a heart open to their puzzlements and grief when death comes into their lives. Whether it's the death of a pet; a relative; someone in the classroom, the school, or the community; or a person celebrated in the media, students of all ages need to confront the circumstances and stories of death that they encounter. A sincere, compassionate conversation allows young people to reveal what they are thinking, and the questions they have need to be answered honestly by a trusting adult. Without intervention, young people may be left to wonder about the mysteries of life and death on their own, perhaps remaining silent, confused, or guilty. Children's literature provides strong support to help students learn about death. Fiction can provide both a window and a mirror to such circumstances. In books, young readers may find comfort. Stories matter, and through stories children can find courage to reveal how a book connected with them (or not). In the classroom, we can gather as a community to share our responses. Sometimes, within families, children can sit side-by-side with an adult to journey through a book and share reactions. If children read a story independently, they should know that they can talk about the story with others when they are ready. Several years ago, in the final days of June with my fourth-grade class, we learned that a girl who had been in our class was in an airplane crash. I had to break the news about Deepa's tragedy to the 30 nine- and ten-year-olds in my classroom. Reading aloud was an important daily ritual in the class, and the students expected that I would turn to story. I shared Badger's Parting Gifts by Susan Varley in order to wrap the students in a blanket of words that would help them cope with the death of their classmate. Following the reading, one boy suggested that we write letters to Deepa, just as Badger's friends had done for him. Story-Talk-Writing is what was needed in my classroom, and those three words are the best answers I can give to how we can respond to student grief. Following are some picture books I recommend: The Invisible String by Patrice Karst Following are some novels for readers ages 9 through 12: Kira-Kira by Cynthia Kadohata
Response From Dr. Sherrel Bergmann and Dr. Judith Brough
Response to student grief is best handled privately with the student, regardless of his/her age. Some students will want to talk about their loss while others will handle their grief privately. Try simply saying, "I am so sorry for your loss, please let me know if I can do anything to help you. If you would like to talk to me or someone else let me help you determine how and when to do that." There are many good pieces of children's and young adult literature that focus on loss of loved ones, including precious pets. The media specialist in the school could build a section of the library holdings for such use. Teachers should inform the school counselor or social worker that this student may need some support in the coming weeks. Teachers should be taught the stages of grief and how people move through those stages. Students can also be taught that most people go through anger, denial and acceptance at different rates. They can be encouraged to write or draw if they do not want to talk about their feelings. Teachers can offer classroom activities that build resilience and respect so that classmates know what to do when someone is grieving. Adolescents who have sudden emotional crises should be allowed to leave the classroom and go to the counselor's office or school nurse for privacy. Homework expectations may be adjusted for a period of time and opportunities for help in making up work should be offered. Many times grief is compounded by significant change in the life of the student and those changes will affect the student's attitude about self, school, and life. Encourage the student to talk to someone if those changes become overwhelming. Many school counselors hold grief groups for students who have suffered loss. Perhaps the best way to handle it is to think of how you would like to be responded to in loss of a loved one.
Responses From Readers Heidi: Being an elementary school teacher for 25 years has given me many opportunities to address this question, most recently just a couple weeks ago. I find that mostly what they need is love and support. Loads of hugs and a listening ear are critical at this age. Knowing they are not alone in loss is important to them. Having lost my grandparents, father, an aunt, and 3 uncles allows me to empathize with them. When 2 students lost a parent to cancer in different years, I actually took students to the funerals to show support. Recently I attended the funeral of a grandfather. The student lost both grandfathers within 2 weeks. The mother sent me a card thanking me for my presence that day and my care and support over time. Parents also need to know we are a source of support when needed. Classmates also need support, as often the death of someone else's relative brings up past losses for them. We start our day with a Responsive Classroom technique called Morning Meeting. At this circle time children are allowed to share triumphs, tribulations, etc. and their classmates respond. It is a time to deal with things that occur both in and out of school in a supportive, trusting, safe environment. I find this to be an invaluable way to start the day, especially for children needing extra support. Of course, additional school staff such as psychologists and adjustment counselors would also be offered as resources if grief becomes overwhelming. Edward's Eyes by Patricia MacLachlan
Mick Harte Was Here by Barbara Park
Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
Missing May by Cynthia Rylant
A Taste of Blackberries by Doris Buchanan Smith
Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children by Bryan Mellonie
Michael Rosen's Sad Book by Michael Rosen
Badger's Parting Gifts by Susan Varley
The Tenth Good Thing About Barney by Judith Viorst
Grandpa by John Burningham
Dr. Sherrel Bergmann, retired professor, National Louis University and Dr. Judith Brough, Professor Emerita, Gettysburg College are award-winning educators and authors. Their research and practical approaches to working with reluctant learners, motivation, parent-school relationships, and building life-essential skills are widely used in classrooms. They are the authors of Reducing the risk, increasing the promise: Strategies for student success:

@Larryferlazzo the same way we would want someone to treat us, with compassion.
-- Susan Connelly (@ConnellySue) April 24, 2014

Thanks to Mary, Stephen, Larry, Sherrel and Judith, and to readers, for their contributions!

Please feel free to leave a comment your reactions to the topic or directly to anything that has been said in this post.

Consider contributing a question to be answered in a future post. You can send one to me at [email protected] .When you send it in, let me know if I can use your real name if it's selected or if you'd prefer remaining anonymous and have a pseudonym in mind. You can also contact me on Twitter at @Larryferlazzo.

Anyone whose question is selected for weekly column can choose one free book from a number of education publishers. I'll be highlighting one particular publisher every two months, and it's Routledge's turn now.

Just a reminder -- you can subscribe to blog for free via RSS Reader or email.... And,if you missed any of the highlights from the first two years of blog, you can see a categorized list of them here. You won't see posts from school year in those compilations, but you can review those new ones by clicking in the monthly archives link on blog's sidebar.

You can also see annual lists of my most popular posts.

Education Week has published a collection of posts from blog -- along with new material -- in an ebook form. It's titled Classroom Management Q&As: Expert Strategies for Teaching.

Last, but not least, I've recently begun recording a weekly eight-minute BAM! Radio podcast with educators who provide guest responses to questions. You can listen and/or download them here.

I'll be posting the next "question-of-the-week" in a few of days....

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Response: Many Ways To Help Our Students Grieve

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
The new "question-of-the-week" is: How can we best respond to student grief after losing a loved one? In thinking about this question, it seems to me that there is much more written about how a school can best cope with the loss of one of their students than with suggestions on how a teacher can help a student dealing with the loss of a family member or friend.

# data[].attributes.headline
Helping Children Cope With Frightening News

# data[].attributes.subject
Helping Children Cope With Frightening News

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
When tragedy strikes, as parents you find yourself doubly challenged: to process your own feelings of grief and distress, and to help your children do the same.

I wish I could tell you how to spare your children pain, when they've lost friends or family members, and fear, when disturbing events occur, especially when they're close to home. I can't do that, but what I can do is share what I've learned about how to help children cope and process disturbing events in the healthiest way.

As a parent, you can't protect you children from grief, but you can help them express their feelings, comfort them, help them feel safer, and teach them how to deal with fear. By allowing and encouraging them to express their feelings, you can help them build healthy coping skills that will serve them well in the future, and confidence that they can overcome adversity.

When something happens that will get wide coverage, my first and most important suggestion is that you don't delay telling your children about what's happened: It's much better for the child if you're the one who tells them. You don't want them to hear from some other child, a television news report, or the headlines on the front page of the New York Post. You want to be able to convey the facts, however painful, and set the emotional tone.

Invite them to tell you anything they may have heard about the tragedy, and how they feel. Give them ample opportunity to ask questions. You want to be prepared to answer (but not prompt) questions about upsetting details. Your goal is to avoid encouraging frightening fantasies.

It's okay to let your child know if you're sad, but if you talk to your child about a traumatic experience in a highly emotional way, then they will likely absorb your emotion and very little else. If, on the other hand, you remain calm, they are likely to grasp what's important: that tragic events can upset our lives, even deeply, but we can learn from bad experiences and work together to grow stronger.

Talking about death is always difficult, but a tragic accident or act of violence is especially tough because of how egocentric children are: they're likely to focus on whether something like this could happen to them. So it's important to reassure your child about how unusual this kind of event is, and the safety measures that have been taken to prevent this kind of thing from happening to them. You can also assure them that this kind of tragedy is investigated carefully, to identify causes and help prevent it from happening again. It's confidence-building for kids to know that we learn from negative experiences.

In your conversation (and subsequent ones) you can suggest ways your child might remember those they've lost: draw pictures or tell stories about things you did together. If you're religious, going to church or synagogue could be valuable.

Don't volunteer too much information, as this may be overwhelming. Instead, try to answer your child's questions. Do your best to answer honestly and clearly. It's okay if you can't answer everything; being available to your child is what matters. Difficult conversations like this aren't over in one session; expect to return to the topic as many times as your child needs to come to terms with this experience.

If your child is upset, just spending time with them may make them feel safer. Children find great comfort in routines, and doing ordinary things together as a family may be the most effective form of healing.

Drawing pictures, planting a tree, or sharing stories can all be good, positive ways to help provide closure to a child. It's important to assure your child that a person continues to live on in the hearts and minds of others. Doing something to help others in need can be very therapeutic: it can help children not only feel good about themselves but learn a very healthy way to deal with grief.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Helping Children Cope With Frightening News - Child Mind Institute

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
How to talk to children about upsetting or frightening news to help them cope in the healthiest possible way.

# data[].attributes.headline
Guidelines for Parents to Help Their Children Through Grief

# data[].attributes.subject
Guidelines for Parents to Help Their Children Through Grief

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
By Helen Fitzgerald, CT
This resource is also available in Spanish.

As soon as possible after the death, set time aside to talk to your child.

Give your child the facts in a simple manner - be careful not to go into too much detail. Your child will ask more questions as they come up in his/her mind.

If you can't answer your child's questions, it's okay to say, "I don't know how to answer that, but perhaps we can find someone to help us."

Use the correct language - say the word "dead" etc. Do not use phrases such as: "He's sleeping," or "God took her," or "He went away," etc.

Ask your child questions to better understand what he or she may be thinking or feeling. "What are you feeling?" "What have you heard from your friends?" "What do you think happened?" etc.

Explain your feelings to your child, especially if you are crying. Give children permission to cry. We are their role models and it's appropriate for children to see our sadness and for us to share our feelings with them.

Use the given name of the deceased when speaking of him or her.

Understand the age and level of comprehension of your child. Speak to that level.

Talk about feelings, such as: sad, angry, feeling responsible, scared, tearful, depressed, worried, etc.

Read an age-appropriate book on childhood grief so you have a better understanding of what your child may be experiencing.

Read an age-appropriate book on death to your child. Take time to discuss what you have read and relate it to what is happening to you.

Talk about the viewing and funeral. Explain what happens at these events and find out if your child wants to attend.

Think about ways your child can say "goodbye" to the person who has died.

Talk to your child about God, if appropriate, and what happens to people after they die.

Invite your child to come back to you if he or she has more questions or has heard rumors - tell your child you will help get the correct information.

Talk about memories, good ones and ones not so good.

Watch out for "bad dreams." Are they occurring often? Talk about the dreams.

Watch for behavioral changes in your child both at home or at school.

Friends, family, schoolmates, etc, frequently find solace and comfort in doing something in the name of the person who died - a memorial.

You might see some of the following behavior:

Tearfulness

Irritability

Clinging to you

Whining

Somatic complaints

Temporary dip in grades

More pronounced fears, e.g, of dying or of you dying, of the dark, etc.

Regression in behavior

Aggressive behavior

These are normal emotions. If, however, you ever feel the reactions are more extreme or lasting longer than you think they should be, never hesitate to consult a professional. Offer your child loving, touching support.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Guidelines for Parents to Help Their Children Through Grief

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
By Helen Fitzgerald, CT This resource is also available in Spanish. As soon as possible after the death, set time aside to talk to your child. Give your child the facts in a simple manner -- be careful not to go into too much detail. Your child will ask more questions as they come up...

# data[].attributes.headline
Secrets of the teenage brain: a psychologist's guide for teachers

# data[].attributes.subject
Secrets of the teenage brain: a psychologist's guide for teachers

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Teenagers think differently to grownups - they are more likely to take risks, be sleepy, misread emotions, give in to peer-pressure and lack self-control. Thanks to advances in technology, we have been able to peer inside the teenage brain and see more clearly how it works. So what have we discovered? And how can teachers use this information to help young people navigate the challenges of growing up and getting an education?

Teenagers take risks

Let's play a game. I will give you £5 for free. In a bag in front of you there are blue and red tokens. You don't know how many tokens are blue and how many are red. If you draw out a blue token, you double your money. If you draw out a red, you lose your free £5. Would you do it?

This was essentially the question posed by researchers to teenage and adult participants. They found that when the odds of success aren't known, teenagers are far more likely to gamble.

The authors of the review take pains to point out that "adolescents' greater involvement than adults in risk-taking does not stem from ignorance, irrationality, delusions of invulnerability, or faulty calculations." So where does it come from?

Professor Sarah-Jayne Blakemore's TED talk on the subject has been viewed more than 1.7 million times. Her research found that during adolescence, the pre-frontal cortex - the area of the brain associated with self-regulation, conscious decision-making, memory, judgment and insight (among other things) - is still developing. Teenagers, therefore, do not have the self-control to not take risks, even if they know something is risky.

Teaching tip: Teachers could tap into teenagers' risky mindset to help them do better at school. Taking risks and choosing difficult tasks is one of the benefits associated with having a growth mindset. If teachers guide this risky behaviour by encouraging pupils to take chances in a safe and secure environment, the students could challenge themselves more.

One of the biggest barriers to taking risks is a fear of failure. This can be overcome by facilitating an environment where students know mistakes won't be mocked or criticised.

This resource looks at how we can help develop a growth mindset.

Teenagers struggle to get enough sleep

During her teenage years, musician Adele almost got excluded from school for continually turning up late. She said: "I wasn't doing anything. I wasn't bunking, I just couldn't wake up." But research shows that a good night's rest is essential for learning: students who consistently get a good night's sleep get better grades.

The National Sleep Foundation suggests that teenagers need more sleep (8-10 hours) than adults (7-9 hours). Most adults start to get sleepy at about 10pm. This is because there is an increase in the sleep hormone, melatonin, at around this time. But this increase happens later in teenagers, meaning they don't feel tired until later. As many students have to get up before 8am, this means there is insufficient time to get the necessary hours of sleep.

Teaching tip: Young people may not have enough time to get the sleep they need, but that does not absolve them of their sleep responsibilities. Discuss the importance of sleeping well in class - try talking about common sleep mistakes and tips for getting a good night's rest.

Teenagers can find it hard to read emotions

Research carried out by Dr Deborah Yurgelun-Todd and others suggests that because the pre-frontal cortex is still developing, teenagers rely more on their limbic system (which acts more like an instinctive reaction) when reading emotions.

In a test, adults were shown a picture of a person's face and had to choose whether the emotion expressed was fear, shock or anger. All the adults correctly identified the look of fear, whereas only about half of teenagers got the right answer. One possible reason for this disparity is that a teenager's limbic system is less accurate than an adult's pre-frontal cortex. The limbic system also elicits an increased emotional response, so teenagers are more likely to misread an emotion and overact while doing so.

Teaching tip: There is no quick solution - time and patience are required. Be explicit and clear about what you mean and help students improve their self-awareness. This is a helpful factsheet about pupils' meta-cognitive skills (the ability to analyse how you think). In class, you could get pupils to ask themselves these nine simple questions to help them on the road to self-awareness.

Teenagers have less self-control

When working with teenagers, it can often feels as if they have no self-control whatsoever - if they think it, they say it (or do it). Research suggests that this reduced self-control is most pronounced in heated situations (which is exactly when you need it).

This is not only down to the developing pre-frontal cortex (which is associated with impulse control), but also due to enhanced activity in the part of the brain that seeks out novelty and reward.

Teaching tip: Self-control can be improved but it is difficult. One option is to limit distractions during times when concentration and memory are needed and when tensions are running high, for example, during revision periods. Talk to your students about what distracts them (it is good idea to make students put their mobile phones away) and try to reduce these factors as much as you realistically can.

A final thought...

Being a teenager is hard. You face life-altering exams at a time when your brain is going through huge changes. While they have a responsibility to manage their own behaviour, by understanding the changes and challenges they face, teachers can guide their practice to help them navigate this as happily and successfully as possible.

Bradley Busch is a registered psychologist and director at InnerDrive. Follow @Inner_Drive on Twitter.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Secrets of the teenage brain: a psychologist's guide for teachers

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
If being a teenager is hard, teaching them is harder. Here are four insights into the adolescent brain - and how it can inform classroom practice

# data[].attributes.headline
Why boys need to have conversations about emotional intimacy in classrooms

# data[].attributes.subject
Why boys need to have conversations about emotional intimacy in classrooms

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
An award-winning, veteran Bronx high school teacher, handed in his resignation after colliding with the school's principal in 2016. Tom Porton had distributed HIV/AIDS education fliers listing nonsexual ways of "Making Love Without Doin' It" (including advice to "read a book together").

What does it say when a teacher who encourages students to discuss nonsexual ways to express love causes controversy? And how do discussions at school about sex affect teenagers? Do adults lose teenagers' trust when they are not allowed to speak frankly about how to create healthy intimacy?

My cross-national research on adolescent sexuality shows a profound discomfort in American society not just with teenage sex, but with teenage love. And the silence among adults that results - in families, schools and the culture at large - may take a particular toll on adolescent boys.

What does love have to do with it?

Political battles have raged for decades about whether and how public school students in the U.S. should be taught about condoms and other forms of contraception even though the majority of American youth lose their virginity during their teenage years.

The United States has seen more political strife and cultural controversy around adolescent sexuality than many other countries that went through a sexual revolution in the 1960s and '70's. The Netherlands is an interesting comparative case: Like the U.S., Dutch society was culturally conservative in the 1950s. But Dutch society emerged from the sexual revolution with a more positive approach to adolescent sexuality, one that center-stages love.

American curricula tend to focus on physical acts and dangers - disease and pregnancy - often eschewing positive discussions of sexual pleasure or emotional intimacy.

Feminist scholars have critiqued American sex education for its overemphasis of danger and risk, noting the cost to teenage girls. Scholars have argued that the "missing discourse" of girls' desire impedes their sense of power in and outside of relationships, leaving them poorly equipped to negotiate consent, safety and sexual satisfaction.

But scholars have paid less attention to the missing discourse of teenage love in American sex education, and its effects on boys, who confront a broader culture that provides scant recognition of, or support for, their emotional needs.

Joao Paulo de Vasconcelos, CC BY-SA

In comparison, sex education in the Netherlands tends to frame boys' and girls' sexual development in the context of their feelings for and relationships with others. Curricula include discussions of fun and exciting feelings. They also validate young people's experience of love.

For example, the title of a widely used Dutch sex education curriculum is " Long Live Love, which is notable both for the celebration of sexual development, and for couching that development in terms of love.

Another example is of a PBS NewsHour video, which shows a Dutch teacher engaging a group of 11-year olds in a conversation about what it feels like to be in love, and the proper protocol for breaking up (not via text message).

After watching the video, a male student at the University of Massachusetts spoke wistfully about what was missing from his own sex education experiences, stating, with a hint of outrage in his voice,

No one talks with us about love!

'Dirty little boys, get away!'

The differences between American and Dutch sex education curricula reflect broader cultural differences in the ways adults talk about young people and their motivations.

In interviews I conducted with Dutch and American parents of high school sophomores, the Dutch parents spoke about teenage sexuality in the context of their children falling in love.

One Dutch mother recalled that her son was "interested in girlfriends at a very early age and then he was also often intensely in love." Her son would not have been unusual. Ninety percent of Dutch 12- to 14-year-old boys, surveyed in a national study, reported that they had been in love.

By contrast, American parents were very skeptical of love during the teenage years. They attributed adolescent sexuality to biological urges - particularly with regard to boys. I found it to be so, across the political spectrum.

Parents portrayed boys as slaves to their hormones. One self-described liberal mother said,

Most teenage boys would fuck anything that would sit still.

A conservative father, who was anxious about his daughter's dating, stated:

I'm a parent of a teenage cheerleader. I'm very concerned: "Dirty little boys! Get away! Get away!"

What do boys want?

I found that boys in both cultures are looking for intimacy and relationships, not only sex. But they differed in how much they believed they fit the norm.

The Dutch boys thought that their desire to combine sex with relationships was normal, whereas American boys tended to see themselves as exceptionally romantic.

Davidlohr Bueso, CC BY

Says Randy, an American boy I interviewed:

If you ask some guys, they'll say it's mainly for the sex or whatever [that they get together with a girl], but with me, you have to have a relationship with the person before you have sex with her.... I'd say I'm exceptional.

Randy is far from exceptional. In one U.S. survey, boys chose having a girlfriend and no sex over having sex and no girlfriend by two to one.

Other research too has shown American teenage boys - across racial and ethnic groups - crave intimacy, and are as emotionally invested as girls are in romantic relationships.

American boys end up paying a price for a culture that does not support their needs for intimacy. For the issue is that while boys crave closeness, they are expected to act as if they are emotionally invulnerable. Among the American boys I interviewed, I observed a conflict between their desires and the prevailing masculinity norms - if they admit to valuing romantic love, they risk being viewed as "unmasculine."

Unrealistic and unfair expectations about boys' lack of emotional vulnerability, in turn, make it harder for them to navigate both platonic and romantic relationships. One study found that as boys move through the teenage years, masculinity norms (beliefs that men should be tough and not behave in ways marked as "feminine"), particularly the stigma of homosexuality, make it harder to maintain close same-sex friendships, leaving boys lonely and sometimes depressed.

With less practice sustaining intimacy, boys enter romantic relationships less confident and less skilled. Ironically, many boys end up less prepared for, but more emotionally reliant on, heterosexual contacts.

Talk to us

When I asked my students to brainstorm about ideal sex education programs, based on research, they recommended focusing more on relationships. These young men suggested that having older boys mentor young boys, showing that it is normal for boys to value relationships could challenge the idea that it's not masculine to need emotional closeness.

Certainly, such peer mentoring might go a long way to counteract the gender stereotypes and rigid masculinity norms that research has shown adversely affect boys' sexual health.

The flyer Porton distributed invited an intergenerational conversation about emotional intimacy that is missing from most classrooms and boys' lives. And it's a conversation boys appear eager to have.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Why boys need to have conversations about emotional intimacy in classrooms

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
An award-winning, veteran Bronx high school teacher, handed in his resignation after colliding with the school's principal in 2016. Tom Porton had distributed HIV/AIDS education fliers listing nonsexual ways of "Making Love Without Doin' It" (including advice to "read a book together").

# data[].attributes.headline
Creating a Culture of Connectedness through Middle School Advisory Programs

# data[].attributes.subject
Creating a Culture of Connectedness through Middle School Advisory Programs

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.provider_name
AMLE - Association for Middle Level Education

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
In the middle of an ordinary day in an ordinary Los Angeles school, four middle school students shared fascinating insights in response to the question, "Does advisory help you feel connected to school?"

Without advisory school would be more distant. It would not be as cheerful. We would not be as connected to everybody.

-seventh grade girl

Everyone in the school shares that bond that everyone has an advisor. So, from 6th sixth grade to 12th grade, everyone shares that connection with one teacher, and I think that everyone throughout the day has opened up to someone. It gets you into the state of mind that school is not only about work, but that it is a place where teachers really know you and understand you. So, I think, as a school, having advisory connects everyone.

-eighth grade boy

I totally agree with that. It is, like, at least you go to school and know that at least there is one person who you are comfortable to talk to. Normally, for me there is more than one teacher, but, um, at least there is always one so you are not nervous about going to school.

-eighth grade girl

I think in 6th grade, around that period we can all, um, agree that is when you have violence problems or drug problems or even academic problems or personal problems. You get more independent. It is, like, you go to school, and you do not care that much about academic work, but, um, with your advisors and the things that the advisories provide do make you feel more close. ... It is, um, a place where you can get stuff off your chest. And once you do, you rethink what you are doing and think, like, um, is this right? So that helps with your school work.

-seventh grade boy

These four middle school students recognize the connection between having meaningful relationships with an adult and a group of peers and thriving academically. An advisory program facilitates these kinds of relationships and provides the structure that creates "connectedness" in a middle school. Connectedness is a characteristic of school cultures in which students have meaningful relationships with adults within the school, are engaged in the school, and feel a sense of belonging to the school. School connectedness is linked to higher grades, higher test scores, and lower dropout rates, regardless of students' socioeconomic status (Blum & Libbey, 2004; Jackson & Davis, 2000; Klem & Connell, 2004; Mac Iver & Epstein, 1991; McNeely & Falci, 2004; National Association of Secondary School Principals, 2006). Moreover, schools intentionally organized to promote personalization and the development of communities of learners better prepare adolescents for later success as adults (Carnegie Council on Adolescent Development, 1989). It is particularly urgent for middle school educators to improve school connectedness, because the roots of alienation take hold during early adolescence.

Advisory

Middle school reformers have widely promoted advisory programs as a way to strengthen connectedness at the middle level. Broadly defined, advisory programs are configurations in which an adult advisor meets regularly during the school day with a group of students to provide academic and social-emotional mentorship and support, to create personalization within the school, and to facilitate a small peer community of learners (Cushman, 1990; Galassi et al., 2004; Galassi et al., 1997; Juvonen et al., 2004; National Association of Secondary School Principals, 2006; Stevenson, 1998).

While advisory programs have been promoted in the literature, and middle grades practitioners have intuitively recognize their value, up to this point there has been limited empirical evidence to support advisory programs. Additionally, there has been no accepted basis for identifying best practices in advisory programs (Galassi et al., 2004; Galassi et al., 1997). Thus, when schools have developed advisory programs and trained faculty and staff to serve as advisors, they have relied upon intuition and anecdotal evidence rather than empirical data. This article addresses the need for reliable information about successful advisory programs.

This article defines the qualities of advisory programs and advisors that foster connectedness based on research at three diverse middle schools with successful advisory programs that can serve as models for other schools. We gave every advisor and student in each school a questionnaire designed to establish which advisories fostered high levels of student connectedness. The questionnaire helped us determine which students felt most connected, which advisories reported high levels of connectedness, and which advisors perceived the same levels of connectedness as their advisees. We selected the three advisories at each site with the highest levels of connectedness, and we interviewed the advisors, observed their advisories, and conducted focus groups with their student advisees. We discovered seven salient characteristics about advisors and advisory programs that fostered connectedness at all three sites (see
Figure 1). These characteristics are discussed in detail through the remainder of this article.

Characteristics of effective advisors and advisory programs
Strong advisory programs address issues of community
Advisories with high levels of connectedness actively worked on creating a healthy community by addressing the way students related to one another. Advisors consciously helped students in their advisories work out issues among themselves, and they talked openly about the importance of treating each other with respect. An advisor remarked:

I like to stress that we are a family. So, we do not laugh at each other and nobody makes comments. They still do it, but we always come back to 'we are a family.' I am trying to break them of snickering and stuff like that.

Another advisor noted her frequent conversations with her advisory about friendship and ostracism. A third advisor mentioned a specific instance of conflict resolution when she pulled students aside and told them, "This is like our little family away from home, and you can't just leave it and [what happened between you] didn't feel right." At one school, a conversation protocol in the advisory helped students give one another positive feedback and asked them to "address issues that are caused by the behavior of someone in advisory." Another advisor talked about a student in her advisory who was always getting lost and having a hard time emotionally, so she asked her advisees to be the "big brother or sister" to her in other classes.

Figure 1 Advisor/Advisory characteristics that foster connectedness

Strong advisory programs address issues of community.

Strong advisories promote open communication.

Strong advisors know and care about their advisees.

Strong advisors closely supervise their advisees' academic progress.

Strong advisors are problem solvers and advice givers.

Students and advisors perceive that advisory directly improves academic performance.

Students and advisors perceive that advisory functions as a community of learners.

The theme of "community" was also evident in the student data. Students from all three schools referred to the trust games they used to help build a sense of community, and students in all of the focus groups shared two recurring comments: (1) advisory is a family; and (2) advisory helps student bond together. Students said they developed new friendships through their advisory programs. One student explained, "You become great friends with people you normally would not hang out with, which I think is great because you expand the way you know people." During the observations, students were not self-segregated ethnically, and students refrained from teasing and put-downs.

Both students and advisors reported that advisories addressed the issues that arise between grade levels within the school. At one middle school, advisors addressed problems the sixth graders were having with older students. At another middle school, advisors assigned seventh graders to an eighth grade buddy. A student described this buddy system as a way "to get to know someone new and help them with their problems, like your advisor did for you. It is kind of like a pay it forward thing." Students noted that one of the benefits to having a multiage advisory is that you form bonds with older and younger students. One advisor talked about how advisory created a nurturing culture at school, and another mentioned that she saw evidence of the brotherly and sisterly relationships between students continuing even after they moved on from her advisory.
Strong advisories promote open communication
Advisors at all three schools discussed their efforts to help students know each other and communicate openly by creating activities that helped them "bond" and "talk to each other." For example, advisors at each school talked about structuring activities in which students could get to know each other. Each described a different version of an activity in which one student was in the spotlight while other students asked questions to get to know him or her better. Advisors also talked about arranging trust walks and team-building games. At one school, Monday mornings started with a circle where students shared anything that was on their minds. One of the advisors articulated the connection between these activities and communication in the following way.

When I start out, I tell them, "We are going to get to know each other really well. We need to be able to trust each other." So, I do a couple of exercises at the beginning. I set up an obstacle course, and I blindfold them. I say, "Okay, some of you are going to be the leaders of this group. The rest of you are going to have to listen and trust the person that is verbalizing to you. That is the only way you are going to get through this, carefully." ... It is the level of trust and then you start building from that to issues at home or school. Where it is all involved, we can all discuss things, and it stays here. And that is what you want to [do]. You want them to get to know each other and build up friendship.

Students described communication as characterized by trust and intimacy. In the focus groups, students repeatedly talked about feeling "really close with" and "trusting" their advisors and peers as a rationale for sharing personal and academic pieces of themselves. One student used the word intense to describe the communication in advisory, and another mused that "people are really vulnerable, and we all share our feelings." One student even talked about "feel[ing] a connection" with his advisor. In more than half of the advisories observed, students shared emotions publicly. For instance, in one advisory there was a whole conversation about crying after an advisor offered his own feelings about a sensitive topic the group was discussing. When a student probed, "Are you crying?" the advisees all looked at the advisor intently, without giggling or other nervous responses that might be typical of middle school students in such a situation. Students said they regularly initiated conversations with their advisors for academic and personal reasons- a student's parents fighting, a disagreement with a friend, a problem with a teacher, or academic difficulties.

Students routinely made comments such as, "Like, when you need help, you just ask him and he will always help you" or "I tell my advisor, and she will help me." Students talked about feeling welcome to approach their advisors outside of the advisory, citing lunch and after school as "other good times to talk." Students said their advisors were easy to talk to and comforting. A student said advisees could "get things off their chest," and they "do not hesitate to share." Every advisor we interviewed confirmed this observation.
Strong advisors know and care about their advisees
In the focus groups, students talked about feeling known and cared about. Students at all three sites said their advisors knew them and asked them individualized questions about their personal lives, citing such topics and events as a basketball game, an event over the weekend, or a family doughnut shop. Interestingly, students at all three schools used the words notice and care in their descriptions of their advisors. When asked what makes a really good advisor, one student explained, "Having someone notice you-notice you are having a bad day." Students also relayed that their advisors were quick to notice when they were having a hard time. As one student commented, "She can really sense sometimes if you are upset, and she will initiate talking to you or ask you if everything is okay." Advisors, according to their advisees, know and appreciate their personalities. Students at each school site mentioned that they believed they had been "intentionally matched" with or "chose[n]" by their advisors.

The advisors claimed that noticing and caring about students was one of their primary aspirations. More than half of the advisors we talked to mentioned that one of the central goals of the advisory program was to know students well. "Get to know your kids," one advisor counseled, "then you can be perceptive enough to find ways to reach them." Advisors echoed this desire to "really know kids" and often talked about "connecting" with, "caring" about, "watching over," and "checking" on students. Advisors talked about approaching their students when "something doesn't look right," which paralleled students' feeling that their advisors noticed when they were not acting like themselves.

Another common characteristic of strong advisors was that they listened to their advisees and were interested in their ideas. When we asked the students what makes a strong advisor, students from every school site answered that being a good listener is one of the most important attributes. Again and again, students talked about how their advisors "really listen" and "hear" the students in the advisory. Students said their advisors were interested in their intellectual thoughts, and one student said his advisor asked probing questions, instead of just insisting she was right because she was the teacher. Students believed the advisors were excited about their advisees' opinions. In our observations, advisors listened attentively to students in the advisory group or in one-on-one conversations. Also, advisors took the ideas of their students seriously. In several advisories observed, the advisor gave minimal directions and spent the rest of the advisory period sitting next to and listening to various groupings of individual students.
Strong advisors closely supervise their advisees' academic progress
Students reported that their advisors were aware of how they were doing in their classes. In the focus groups, students commented that their advisors "know everything" about their academic standing. As one student put it, "Even if she does not know right away, she will find out." Another added, "Yeah. They find out everything." Contrary to what one might expect, students admitted it was helpful to have someone know their academic standing.

In the interviews, the advisors insisted that it was part of their role to know how students were doing academically. Advisors at each site reported that they talked with other teachers to find out how their advisees were doing. They sometimes sought out teachers in reaction to seeing poor work and low grades; however, they also initiated contact if they had not heard anything about a particular advisee in a while. Almost every advisor mentioned that one way they kept track of their students academically was through official progress reports at the end of the quarter and semester. An advisor added:

I, um, talk to their teachers and stuff. I have this one boy, he is amazing in one class and failing another. [I asked him,]"You get an A in math and science, and you are failing social studies. How is that possible?" So, it came out that he does all of his homework for his other classes and saves his social studies and does not get to it.

This type of awareness, inquiry, and follow-up on academic work was typical of the advisors we interviewed.

Advisors also reviewed their advisees' work and academic progress with them. Advisory period provided a structure for this regular academic review, since students at all three sites had time to do work during advisory on a weekly basis. In many advisories, the advisor posted a checklist of information and tasks on the board during this work time, some of which were directed at the whole group and some of which were directed at specific students. When students in one advisory were asked whether their advisor knew if they struggled academically, one student eagerly responded, "Immediately, they are all on it."
Strong advisors are problem solvers and advice givers
Students felt that an important attribute of strong advisors was their ability to offer assistance and give reliable advice. In the focus groups, students at all three sites talked extensively about going to their advisors to solve their problems. Students recounted approaching their advisors about bullying issues, friendship strife, homework dilemmas, and other "drama" of middle school. Students unanimously agreed that they would go to their advisors for advice when they experienced problems. One student explained,

Let's say you have a typical problem in a typical subject in school; she will give you some strategies to work it out. And, uh, if you, like, have a problem with your life, she will also help you. She will give you advice.

The advisors indicated during interviews that they, too, viewed problem solving as an essential part of their role. They structured opportunities for giving advice within the context of the advisory, and many advisors talked about problem-solving sessions as "organic" and "responsive to the needs of my kids." Advisors reported addressing many types of problems including racial tension, weak grades, misunderstandings with teachers, school policy, bullying and exclusion, and stress at home. Advisors talked about empowering students by problem solving with them rather than for them. For example, during observations we often heard students begin questions with phrases such as "What should I do about...?" "Can you help me with...?" and "How do you think...?" Advisors responded with questions such as "How would you solve that problem?" or "What do you think are your next steps?"
Students and advisors perceive that advisory directly improves academic performance
In all the three schools, survey data suggested both students and advisors perceived that advisory improved academic performance. Interestingly, students in advisories with high levels of connectedness were more likely to perceive links between academic performance and advisory than students in advisories with lower levels of connectedness.

In the student focus groups, 98%of students responded affirmatively when asked, "Do you think advisory helps you academically?" Students noted that their advisories helped them focus on their studies, receive critical academic support, strategize about classes and teachers, set academic goals, and belong to a group of peers striving for success.

The data from the survey we administered to advisors confirmed the qualitative findings and revealed that advisors, like their advisees, assign the advisory program a significant role in the academic success of students. Advisors often attributed the academic growth they witnessed in their advisees to the advisory program; however, they disagreed about the immediacy of the impact advisory had upon academic performance. Some claimed the evidence of the advisory program's academic influence was "right away," while others believed the evidence came "in the long run."

Advisors from each site said that the advisory program impacts students' academic performance because it sets an environment conducive to academic success. One advisor explained, "As you know, create a good climate, and you are going to have kids who perform at a good academic level." Another advisor commented,

It absolutely helps academically. I do not think middle school kids know how to talk with teachers and advocate for themselves, and they need good modeling. [Advisory] is an academic support.
Students and advisors perceive that advisory functions as a community of learners
Students talked about how fellow advisees were a useful academic resource, because they knew what they were learning and could help them with schoolwork. One student said that in his advisory, "There is a lot of time for people to help you. It is supposed to be for the teacher to help you, but there is a lot of unseen potential when you can have students help one another."

Advisors talked about how students gravitated toward one another during guided work time in the advisory. Advisors used language like peer tutoring or study groups to describe what happened when their advisees worked together. Advisors suggested that forming these study groups in the advisory propelled their advisees academically. Unprompted, one teacher noted a connection between this community of learners and the concept of connectedness. She said,

And that is what they do during advisory. They pull out homework and help each other. Which is nice, 'cause at least they get to have a study group. ... They feel connected to school and connected to their teacher and curriculum.

We saw and heard evidence of a community of learners during all of the advisory observations. In advisories at one school, student desks were clustered in groups of four, and students had their notebooks in hand or were quizzing each other. Another group sat on the floor with their advisor reviewing for a test.

At another school, students also sat in small circles studying together. One exasperated boy exclaimed, "I do not get this!" A girl walked up to him and began to explain mathematical functions. Two students stood at the board drawing out a problem, pointing to it, and talking about it. When a student asked her advisor if a problem was wrong, her advisor turned the question to the advisory group, "Are negative numbers real numbers? Who can help Damion with this question?" A conversation then ensued among five students, debating the nature of numbers.

Advisors at each of the sites explained that the students who struggled in a particular area intentionally sought students who were stronger in that area to get help and advice on their work. One advisor revealed how stronger students helped shape the academic culture of the advisory:

I have amazing kids, and what has happened is that the kids [who] are a little bit lower, even though they are not that low, the group seems to be pulling them along; it is like this slip streaming effect. And they can see that they can rely on each other for help.

In addition to helping one another, advisors proudly commented that students were enthusiastic about each other's accomplishments.

Conclusion

As students get closer to adulthood, schools often become more isolating and impersonal. Advisory programs offer the structure to meet students' developmental needs, because it is the one place in school where students are intimately known as a "whole child." Advisory programs have the potential to ensure that every child has a meaningful relationship with an adult and belongs to a community of peers. These elements of connectedness have the potential to improve academic achievement and the overall school experience for middle grades students. As the eighth grade boy from the beginning of the article stated, "Advisory gets you into the state of mind that school is not only about work, but that it is a place where teachers really know you and understand you."
References
Blum, R. W., & Libbey, H. P. (2004). School connectedness-strengthening health and education outcomes for teenagers. Journal of School Health, 74(7), 231-235.

Carnegie Council on Adolescent Development. (1989). Turning points: Preparing American youth for the 21st century. Washington, DC: Carnegie Corporation.

Cushman, K. (1990). Are advisory groups 'essential'? What they do, how they work. Horace, 7(1), 5-17.

Galassi, J. P., Gulledge, S. A., & Cox, N. D. (2004). Advisory. Westerville, OH: National Middle School Association.

Galassi, J. P., Gulledge, S. A., & Cox, N. D. (1997). Middle school advisories: Retrospect and prospect. Review of Educational Research, 67(3), 301-338.

Jackson, A. W., & Davis, G. A. (2000). Turning points 2000: Educating adolescents in the 21st century. New York & Westerville, OH: Teachers College Press & National Middle School Association.

Juvonen, J., Le, V. N., Kaganoff, T., Augustine, C., & Constant, L. (2004). Focus on the wonder years: Challenges facing the American middle school. Santa Monica, CA: RAND Corporation.

Klem, A., & Connell, J. (2004). Relationships matter: Linking teacher support to student engagement and achievement. Journal of School Health, 74(7), 262-273.

Mac Iver, D. J., & Epstein, J. L. (1991). Responsive practice in the middle grades: Teacher teams, advisory groups, remedial instruction, and school transition programs. American Journal of Education, 99(4), 587-622.

McNeely, C., & Falci, C. (2004). School connectedness and the transition into and out of health-risk behavior among adolescents. Journal of School Health, 74(7), 284-293.

National Association of Secondary School Principals. (2006). Breaking ranks in the middle: Strategies for leading middle level reform. Reston, VA: Author.

Stevenson, C. (1998). Teaching ten to fourteen year olds (2nd ed.). New York: Addison Wesley Longman.

Sarah Brody Shulkind is the middle school principal at Milken Community High School in Los Angeles, CA.
E-mail: sshulkind@milkenschool.org

Jack Foote is the principal of Joseph Le Conte Middle School in Los Angeles, CA.
E-mail: jackfoote@gmail.com

Previously published in Middle School Journal, September 2009

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Creating a Culture of Connectedness through Middle School Advisory Programs

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
In the middle of an ordinary day in an ordinary Los Angeles school, four middle school students shared fascinating insights in response to the question, "Does advisory help you feel connected to school?" Without advisory school would be more distant. It would not be as cheerful. We would not be as connected to everybody.

# data[].attributes.headline
Stanley H. King Counseling Institute Recommended Reading

# data[].attributes.subject
Stanley H. King Counseling Institute Recommended Reading

# data[].attributes.headline
The Power of Student-Led Conferences in Primary Grades

# data[].attributes.subject
The Power of Student-Led Conferences in Primary Grades

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
This post is written by Marcia Bryant-Fowler, the instructional coach, and Robin Fountain, the principal, at Oakhurst Elementary School in Decatur, Ga.
One facet of learning deeply is that students are able to speak with passion and power about what they know and how they learned it. Deeper learners are confident crafting a message for an audience. They are self directed. "They set goals, monitor their own progress, and reflect on their own strengths and areas for improvement." At Oakhurst Elementary, an EL Education network school in Decatur, Ga., planting the seeds for these skills in our young students has always been important to us, but initially we believed our seeds wouldn't mature until our students went on to the intermediate grades. Now we know different. Shifting our traditional parent-teacher conferences so that students lead their own conferences has provided the structure to develop and showcase the metacognitive side of deeper learning even in kindergarten.
Establish Buy-In
Our transition to student-led conferences (SLCs) was daunting; we needed to learn and plan! We began by establishing buy-in with our staff, community, and students. First, we took a team of interested staff to Delaware Ridge Elementary, an EL Education school already implementing student led conferences. It was truly an enlightening experience that helped us believe our young students could lead a conference successfully and what we would need to do to prepare them. This video shows a Delaware Ridge kindergartener leading her conference.

Eager and motivated by seeing SLCs in action, we shared our learning with the Oakhurst staff and our School Leadership Team (SLT), a group comprised of parents, teachers, district leaders, and community leaders. With the support of our SLT, we shared our vision and educated our community about SLCs, defining the purpose, as well as articulating the role of teachers, parents and students. Then we moved forward to implement Oakhurst's vision, becoming a pilot for this high-leverage practice in the City of Decatur school district.
Know Your Community
One of the things we learned early on in the pilot is the importance of tailoring our communications and procedures to the needs of our families. Our families are diverse and busy; time is one of their most valuable assets. In designing our SLCs, therefore, we made sure to schedule them conveniently, make them accessible, offer on-line sign ups, and, most importantly, make them purposeful for parents and students alike. When the practice still felt new, we started the countdown to the big event with a series of articles highlighting aspects of SLCs and the groundwork taking place in classrooms with students, as well as strategic moves being made by staff and leadership. We educated our entire community and listened to their feedback. As a result, we have nearly 100 percent parent participation, and parent surveys shows that they are deeply invested in SLCs. A few comments from our most recent conferences demonstrate that parents are making the connection between the SLC and students' deeper learning:

"I loved seeing his rough draft through his final draft and how well he is able to explain the steps involved in solving a math problem. It shows he has a firm grasp on the material he is learning."

"Our child benefits so much from showing us his progress. It makes him so much more confident."

"We enjoy hearing directly from our child about her learning. It makes her more aware of the bigger learning process rather than focused on just the facts."
Be Strategic about the "What" and the "How"
Each year our administrative team and teachers work collaboratively to create parameters for what students will include in their SLC portfolios. For example, when we implemented a new writing curriculum, we decided each student should share his or her growth in writing. When we explicitly began integrating performance character traits (perseverance and craftsmanship) into our learning targets, we decided each student would share about his or her growth in these areas. During grade level collaborative planning, teams decide on specific assignments and projects to include. They script the flow of conferences, then create student and parent prompts (open-ended questions) to help keep SLC conversations moving smoothly. Teachers model an SLC with students multiple times, and then students practice with one another, taking turns wearing the "parent hat."

Additionally, through lesson debriefs in the regular school day teachers provide opportunities for students to articulate their learning process, strengths, challenges, and how they work to meet learning targets. Our students are used to sharing the story of their learning journey publicly with others in presentations and student-work celebrations. Student-led conferences are a more formal and structured way of talking about their learning, but they are not the only time our students are asked to do so.
Take the First Step
After our first conferences in 2012, we no longer needed to worry about buy-in. Students shone with pride and were able to connect the work they were doing everyday in class with the habits they have developed in school. One student comment says it all:

"I think the best part of my (student-led) conference was showing my opinion piece because I used craftsmanship. I was proud of my writing because I challenged myself. I kept trying to make my writing better. Even when it was hard, I never gave up."

Teachers discovered that SLCs are an authentic and manageable way to engage young children in understanding and taking ownership of their learning. A first grade teacher remarked, "My first thought was... Great, one more thing! But to see the pride that students develop about their work is remarkable." Another admitted, "I worried... Will kids really be able to share their learning process and give a true picture of where they are? But because we now have them reflect and self-evaluate so often, their perspective is really valid!"

After each session of student-led conferences, we take stock and revise, just as we're asking our students to do. We have reduced the number of subjects to allow for deeper conversations. We have included rubrics, checklists, and multiple drafts as well as the final product. Now we're planning to transforming our third grade SLC into a "passage" presentation that shows their readiness to move from Oakhurst to the next school in their journey.

In the end what we've discovered is that the power of student-led conferences, perhaps especially in the primary grades, is that it benefits every student--the one who struggles to keep up as much as the over achiever. Leading their own conference enables students to persevere and grow in the face of challenge because it focuses their attention on the specific steps they've taken, or will take, to achieve high quality work. With that in mind, the deepest, most profound advice we can offer to other schools is exactly what we tell our students. Just get started. Take the first step.
Photo: Marcia Bryant-Fowler Video: David Grant

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
The Power of Student-Led Conferences in Primary Grades

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
This post is written by Marcia Bryant-Fowler, the instructional coach, and Robin Fountain, the principal, at Oakhurst Elementary School in Decatur, Ga. One facet of learning deeply is that students are able to speak with passion and power about what they know and how they learned it.

# data[].attributes.headline
Holidays Are Stressful for Middle Schoolers, Too

# data[].attributes.subject
Holidays Are Stressful for Middle Schoolers, Too

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.provider_name
AMLE - Association for Middle Level Education

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
According to the National Association of Health Education Centers, the chief stressor for students ages 9-13 is school. No middle grades educator is surprised by this, given the factors involved in a student's school day-grades, homework, friends, bad hair, etc.

As the holidays approach, these stressors are compounded. For kids from abusive and alcoholic families, the holidays are filled with anxiety, if not danger. For the vast majority of middle schoolers, there will be long stretches of time with nothing to do.

For many, interactions with family members are not particularly pleasant, and 10- to 15-year-olds often don't know how to change this dynamic (to be honest, they often add to it!).

Sometimes schools deepen the stress by ramping up the schoolwork as a way of keeping kids focused and busy. Even preparation for holiday programs and projects changes the routine enough to bring on new stress.

Teachers and parents can help kids in the middle grades deal with this stress.

Acknowledge that it exists.
Letting kids know that you know that this can be a hard time for them helps them ease up a little bit. Teachers, especially advisers, should talk openly about the stresses of the holidays for everyone. This might allow kids to be less hard on themselves for any negative feelings that exist.

Teach stress-reduction techniques.
Breathing techniques, body relaxation, mental imaging, and writing work to reduce stress. If you haven't already taught these techniques to your students, this is a good time to do it. This might also be a good time for the PE teacher to introduce yoga or tai chi as part of the daily routine.

Don't let your stress get in the way.
Students who are under stress are going to act out. Kids are going to talk back more, engage in more fights, and be meaner to each other than at other times. You are the adult; work to keep your classroom on an even keel. Raising your voice and losing your patience with students only adds to the tension.

Get students to think beyond themselves.
Most middle schools encourage students to participate in service projects at this time of year. Instead of asking everyone to bring in a can of food, spend quality time talking about the needs of others and the issues behind those needs. Focusing on others is a huge stress-reliever.

Preparing for the holidays can be fun if we understand that for middle schoolers, it's not always as fun as it was when they were "little." Teachers should also remember that they need to find their own stress relief over the next several weeks.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Holidays Are Stressful for Middle Schoolers, Too

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
According to the National Association of Health Education Centers, the chief stressor for students ages 9-13 is school. No middle grades educator is surprised by this, given the factors involved in a student's school day-grades, homework, friends, bad hair, etc. As the holidays approach, these stressors are compounded.

# data[].attributes.headline
Common Sense (and Nonsense) about Sexuality Education for Young Children

# data[].attributes.subject
Common Sense (and Nonsense) about Sexuality Education for Young Children

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
When I first began working with independent school parents decades ago, I bumped into a startling paradox.

While no doubt among the savviest, most educated people I'd ever known, when it came to the education of young children around sexuality, most were as clueless as, well, everybody else. It led me to realize that, across the board, American adults share a unique kind of cultural disability around this topic that simply can't be accounted for by the likely absence of age-appropriate education when we were young.

It's as if we've been collectively - and profoundly - separated from our own good common sense around this one particular topic and we don't know how to get it back.

The "Sexual Double Standard" in Education

Listen to the comments I still hear from adults everywhere I go, especially about educating young children, both in school and at home:
They're too young! They're just not ready . But what if they tell other children? But won't they lose their innocence? Don't you have to wait until they ask? But what if they keep on asking more questions? That's definitely too much too soon. What if we don't phrase it exactly in the right way, or we say it at the wrong time? We don't want to put ideas in their heads, do we? But what if my child isn't ready even if other kids are? Besides, if they know about it, they'll want to try it.
As I hear it, the underlying assumptions are these:

1. We just can't trust sexual knowledge in the minds ofyoung children.

2. Sexual knowledge - in an intrinsic way - is potentially harmful or even dangerous for them.

3. And, therefore, our job as adults is to shield them from it.

What gives? Putting new ideas in children's heads is exactly what parents and schools are charged to do. Why the sexual double standard around these particular ideas? No doubt the roots of this phenomenon lie deep within U.S. religious, social, political, and cultural history. But what's most remarkable to meis the phenomenon's staying power - even in today's media-saturated world, where children confront new ideas about sex at every turn.

And, truthfully, this educational double standard has got to go. We know from decades of research that children and adolescents raised by adults who educate and converse with them about sexuality grow up in healthier ways than their peers. For example, while common nonsense might hold that "knowing leads to doing" or some other unwanted effect, just the opposite is true: Kids with this kind of guidance and support significantly postpone involvement in sexual behaviors as they mature . Keeping them in the dark, in other words, is the real danger here.

More Knowledge = Better Decision-Making

It's common sense that young people who have sound knowledge and lots of practice communicating and thinking critically about any topic make more cautious, deliberate, and responsible decisions. In other words, a good education doesn't speed kids up; it slows them down.

Why would sexualityeducation be any different?

Our practice in independent schools, too, often mirrors these misplaced anxieties. Either in deference to parents in general, or in some cases to a handful of vocal ones, the majority of American schools, including our schools, are three toseven years late teaching even the basics of human reproduction. And, of course, many teachers and administrators are themselves unsure about what is truly age appropriate for younger children and what is not, and about what sexuality education might actually look like in the early grades.

I received a fresh and wonderful example of exactly how it looks on a recent morning, when our lower school science resource teacher stopped in to chat with me about her first grade class. Students are studying bones and skeletons this month, and that day a student asked if males and females had the exact same bones inside them.

The teacher replied, "Well, almost, but not completely, since there's something female bodies can do that male bodies can't."

Another student volunteered the information that women grow babies inside and men don't, and that prompted another to wonder and ask how babies get out of a mother's body.

The teacher explained that babies grow in the mother's uterus and there is a passageway to the outside called the vagina. And then they went back to discussing bones and skeletons.

By leaning in to the child's question as she would any other, she gave the message that studying reproduction is just like studying any other area of knowledge, and, most important, that adults are a trusted source of information about this subject, too.

The really good news is that independent school people, including the vast majority of our parents, are quick studies. Most simply need opportunities they've not yet had to step outside of, examine, and ultimately challenge wrongheaded but comfortable and, if we're honest, self-serving assumptions. After all, from generation to generation, and school year to school year, these assumptions give us permission and cover to avoid talking to children about subjects that are un comfortable for us.

What Children Ages 4, 5, and 6 Are Really Asking

What's equally important is learning how to look at the world first through the eyes of young children, rather than projecting an adult understanding of what they may be thinking or wondering about. Ironically, when viewed through their developmental lens, the conversations we need to be having at home and at school with young children about "sex" really aren't directly about sex at all.

Between the ages of 4 and 6, many children spontaneously ask a predictable sequence of questions about their origins and - quite literally - their place in the world. What prompts each of the questions and their sequence and timing is not external events, such as a pregnancy or birth in the family, as it sometimes seems. The questions grow out of the internal timetable of young children's advancing intellectual skills.

Questions about this topic, in fact, mirror the exact observations and questions that occupy children's minds about everything at a given stage.

When 4-year-olds ask, "Where did I come from?" the prompt is their overall fascination with the concept of location and a rudimentary understanding of time.

When 5-year-olds get around to asking, "How did I get out of there?" it's because they're newly obsessed with movement through time and space.

And 6-year-olds want to know "How did I get in there in the first place?" because they can for the very first time comprehend that they didn't always exist and that every effect has a cause.

Bottom line: The kind of readiness young children need to learn about their origins - or, really, about any other topic related to sexuality - is primarily cognitive readiness, not emotional readiness, as manyadults, out of their own anxieties, project it to be.

Once all of us - families and schools - accept and agree to apply this trusted educational principle to sexuality education, we'll know almost intuitively how to proceed, since we'll be back in touch with our good common sense about how children learn best.

Reference

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Common Sense (and Nonsense) about Sexuality Education for Young Children

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
When I first began working with independent school parents decades ago, I bumped into a startling paradox. While no doubt among the savviest, most educated people I'd ever known, when it came to the education of young children around sexuality, most were as clueless as, well, everybody else.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
There's poetry written in the heart of a boy. Sometimes with enough coaxing and patience, it bubbles up reluctantly in halting lines and clipped stanzas; sometimes it springs forth in sudden floods of joy or sorrow. More often, the words huddle deep amid the testosterone-fueled confusion of adolescence, yearning to be heard, yet suppressed in stoic silence. In solitude. The hearts of many men are not so different. Perhaps we-educators and parents of boys-can do better at interpreting the verses and building the rhymes.

At the Jesuit high school for boys where I've been teaching for many years, we try to promote healthy masculinity-to embrace that poetry, even as it is being written, sometimes very messily. Along with intellectual, physical, spiritual, artistic, and social development, we also try to foster mature emotional fluency by the time our young men graduate. We have retreats, seminars, and formative curricula that challenge our boys to communicate deeply and meaningfully while exploring relationships and feelings. Regarding this, I've heard more than once: "It's good you get them in touch with their feminine side."

I know it's meant as a compliment. Except that emotional intimacy is not, of course, exclusively feminine territory. And our culture, intentionally or not, often teaches boys that it is. Same, too often, with artistic pursuits-things like music, writing, painting, poetry, sculpture, and dance. Likewise, when our culture implies to girls that certain qualities, such as athleticism, competitiveness, or business savvy, are more naturally masculine terrain, we do a similar disservice. It's reductionist and it's limiting.

Don't get me wrong. As one of five brothers, a husband, a father of two boys and a daughter, and a teacher and coach of adolescent boys for 20 years now, I have no doubt that boys and girls have differences. Certainly, more boys than girls gravitate to some interests, and vice versa. But I'm not talking about what activities we encourage. Rather, I'm concerned that our culture has assigned, or at least has acquiesced to, acceptable ranges of emotional fluency based on gender. Specifically, it seems we've set a problematic upper limit of what constitutes appropriate sensitivity for boys and men-and we are seeing the results in headlines.

Aiming for Emotional Fluency
It's conventional wisdom among educators to look out for "the sensitive boy." Of course, this only reveals to what extent we've become inclined to consider sensitivity essentially atypical. The thing is, at least in my experience, all boys are sensitive. Some are just better at understanding and responding to their emotions. Or hiding them, which is too often the enculturated default for boys-and therefore a self-perpetuating problem among men. The result? Emotional fluency, along with the meaningful communication it enables, too often becomes framed as the opposite of manliness. And so, much of the poetry gets hidden away, behind a wall of toughness. But toughness and sensitivity don't have to be "either/or" prospects. They can, and should be, "both/and" qualities.

It's important to address, at this point, a valid concern. Some will assert-with defensible evidence-that I've got it backward. They'll say this generation lacks resilience and toughness, that today's teenage boys are not lacking sensitivity at all-that on the contrary, they are, in fact, hypersensitive and thus ill-equipped to deal with obstacles, setbacks, and criticism with healthy resolve. To this point I say: Actual grit and resilience compose authentic toughness-the kind we really want. And that's a very different quality indeed than a macho façade covering insecurity and self-doubt. In this sense, then, emotional fluency and empathy are key ingredients to the kind of toughness young people do, in fact, need.

Confusion on this matter-what constitutes true toughness-hinders the ability to express deep feelings. Take shedding tears, for example. I have seen many boys cry in my line of work. When they do, whatever they are struggling with is compounded by anxiety over the fact that they're crying. Because in the confusing messages our culture sends about masculinity, tears and toughness aren't compatible-except in some very limited contexts. Yes, men and boys express love, pain, and other feelings often without words. But we must do a better job equipping boys with an emotional vocabulary and encouraging its use. This would enable them to listen better-to themselves and to each other, as well as to girls and women. And some cathartic tears from time to time wouldn't hurt at all.

Teaching Boys to Navigate the Digital Landscape
"Toxic masculinity," which has been the focus of no small number of recent national conversations, is a fair label for what's at the root of some terrible attitudes and behavior among boys and men. But let's be clear that masculinity is not intrinsically toxic. That assertion is toxic in itself. To that end, and particularly in light of recent headlines, we should be ever more direct with adolescent boys about the essential relationship among sex, respect, and love. We should make clear that their natural sex drive is just that-natural-but that misunderstood, undisciplined, or disrespected, it can so quickly lead to harmful attitudes and behaviors.

Sex education is no longer just about the birds and the bees. An additional burden now lies with parents and educators: We must acknowledge and address the ubiquity of online pornography. Even if they aren't looking for it, it will find them sooner or later. Unfortunately, the trend lately is sooner; by middle school, a kid has almost certainly come across something not meant for young eyes. As parents and educators, our choice is stark: We can either talk to our kids about sexual matters, grounding the conversation in values and mature perspectives, or we can avoid it and hope-naively-that the sketchier realm of the internet won't provide its own answers to their natural curiosity.

We can't shy away from helping all kids navigate the digital realm responsibly and respectfully. We need to be savvy digital citizens ourselves. And just as we must make clear that not everything online is real, we must also move past the false dichotomy of online versus "real" life-in other words, concede that online behavior and "real life" are not entirely distinct. What is done and said onlineis part of real life, with real consequences.

The Power of Authentic Masculinity

If we want balanced, authentic, respectful men, let's dispel ingrained and enculturated notions that emotional intimacy and artistic expression aren't masculine ideals-that "tough" and "sensitive" are mutually exclusive. Even as we continue to embrace boys' needs for roughhousing and physicality and traditional male rites of passage, let's also get them reading, thinking, and talking more. Masculinity is not simplistic. It's complex enough to include a range of interests, priorities, ideas, values, and sexualities. Let's normalize emotionally authentic conversations in forums where boys can be honest and open, mentored and encouraged by men and women who joyfully and lovingly appreciate masculinity's nuanced complexity. Yes, boys might broach emotional intimacy with their peers in limited contexts-the halftime huddle, the religious retreat, camping with the guys. But we need them to see that authentic emotional intimacy can and should transcend these moments. That it's key to respectful relationships in everyday life.

Deepening our understanding of masculinity is not about acquiescing to patronizing political correctness. It's not emasculating. On the contrary, it's an invitation to virtue. It is existentially vital for boys and men, and we-men and women alike-must take on the responsibility to be proactive in this aspect of education and formation. We can and should read the poetry of boyhood more carefully. Boys will become the boys we raise, and, of course, they will become the men we raised. Ultimately, with a more authentic understanding of masculinity will come a deeper appreciation for our common humanity.

About The Blog

Independent Ideas: The Independent School Magazine Blog explores the issues and trends that matter most in education now. As a professional learning community, it features a diversity of voices and solution-oriented perspectives.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
There's poetry written in the heart of a boy. Sometimes with enough coaxing and patience, it bubbles up reluctantly in halting lines and clipped stanzas; sometimes it springs forth in sudden floods of joy or sorrow. More often, the words huddle deep amid the testosterone-fueled confusion of adolescence, yearning to be heard, yet suppressed in stoic silence.

# data[].attributes.headline
Boys’ close friendships must survive ‘masculine expectations’

# data[].attributes.subject
Boys’ close friendships must survive ‘masculine expectations’

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
The Grade 7 boys at George Jackson Academy in New York City snickered when developmental psychologist Niobe Way told them about a teen who loved his best friend. She asked them what was funny, and a student said, "The dude sounds gay."

Way expected that reaction. Challenging male stereotypes is part of her work with the Listening Project at New York University, which aims to help boys build their capacity for relationships. "What would you say if I told you that approximately 85 per cent of boys feel this way about a friend during their teen years?" she asked. One boy said, "For real?" "I said, 'Yes, for real, boys want close friendships where they can share their secrets.' "

Boys need help with developing an emotional vocabulary as well as learning to repair relationship rifts. (Dreamstime)

Two boys then shared that they had "broken up" after a fight. "They talked about it in front of the class," Way says. "All I did was give them permission. They didn't know it was normal."

"At that age, boys are really starting to get hit in the face with masculine expectations, and there's little wiggle room for what's acceptable," says Andrew Reiner, an educator who researches boys and vulnerability.

As a school counsellor, I know this frustrates many kids. At my school, I recently asked several middle school boys to fill a "man box" with words that reflect cultural ideas about masculinity. "Competitive," "aggressive," "tough" and "sporty" all went into the box. Then I asked them to characterize themselves. Many of these descriptors - including "thoughtful," "self-aware" and "smart" - didn't make the cut for the box. "You're not supposed to care about grades or whether you can be yourself with friends," one boy said. "I think we all feel those things are important, but no one wants to risk getting a bad reaction."

We're limiting who boys can be, says Joseph Derrick Nelson, an assistant professor at Swarthmore College who researches how gender stereotypes influence boys' identity development. "We think they want to be left alone, but they very much want to rely on and support their friends."

If we want to lower the odds that they'll struggle with relationships or risky behaviour down the road, we must show them how to achieve emotional intimacy. Here are nine ways parents can help boys defy stereotypes and form the close friendships they crave.
Draw parallels to sports
Many moments of intimacy are accepted in the sports context. "When someone tells his teammate, 'That was a really great catch,' it's an expression of vulnerability, but I don't think boys know it," says Aziz Abdur-Ra'oof, a former NFL player who works with adolescent boys. "They just do it because they've dropped or caught a pass and know what that's like." He suggests that parents say, "You know, when your teammate didn't perform well during the basketball game, it was great how you went up to him and helped him."

Help your son generalize the concept beyond sports. You might say, "Jon, you know how you didn't like James when you first played basketball together, but then you realized he was a supportive teammate? When you approach people at school, think about that ... and how it takes time to get to know someone," Abdur-Ra'oof says.
Nurture their curiosity
Way asks the Listening Project participants to reflect on what's happening in their own friendships, then interview someone they love. "Almost all the boys pick their mothers," she says. The boys begin exploring the idea of friendship, asking questions such as "Who do you trust the most and why?" They learn how to be good listeners and follow up with deeper questions. She notes that people place a premium on empathy, but curiosity is just as important in a friendship. "With my kids, I'll say: 'I'm doing a project that asks people what they fear the most. What would you say scares you?' Then follow up with 'Oh, I didn't know you feared that,' " she says.
Capitalize on moments when boys cry
A parent once asked Reiner whether she should be concerned that her son cries frequently. "I said: 'Crying is a window into us at our most vulnerable, and one of the few times you can sit down without pumping him full of questions about what he's feeling. He's clearly feeling sadness," he says. "We can say: 'You're feeling a strong emotion right now that you probably go out of your way to hide all the time. What's beneath the tears? If you're ready to talk, I'm here.' At the very least, you'll bear witness and let your son know he's not alone."
Help them recognize friends' boundaries
"Boys love banter, friendly insults and trash talking, and this is really the root of a lot of boy issues, because there are different tolerance levels for sarcasm," says Ricky Stakem, a counsellor at Thomas W. Pyle Middle School in Bethesda, Maryland. "If a boy sees someone with a black eye and says, 'Your face is messed up,' that kid's feelings might get hurt even if the first kid isn't trying to be mean." Explain that if a friend looks upset or stops engaging, it's time to back down.

Purely physical interactions can be just as off-putting to boys, but it's hard to avoid them. "Middle school boys will never quietly shake your hand," Stakem says. "They'll slap your back or give you a piggyback ride down the hall. Boys need human touch as much as girls, but they don't want to be perceived as touchy-feely." A boy who doesn't like roughhousing might internalize his discomfort, says Jennifer Webster, director of school support and improvement for Maryland's Montgomery County Public Schools. "If a couple kids tie a boy's shoelaces together, he might feel pressure to laugh, but not have a great day," she explains. Encourage sensitivity by asking your son whether he likes it when friends do something similar.
Give them an emotional vocabulary
Help your son distinguish between feelings such as loneliness and disappointment. He can use that language to describe his friendships. "It's nothing magical," Nelson says. "Point out how a good friend treats him. Maybe they let him borrow their favourite video game, and that was their way of showing they trust him to care for it and return it," he says. Give him the words to express that he enjoyed spending time with someone. "It's OK to tell Billy, 'Hey, man, we had so much fun when we hung out today,' " Nelson says.

Sometimes, it takes being indirect to help boys think about friendships. Way will discuss her daughter's or her own friendship struggles in her son's presence and ask for his advice. "It's too touchy-feely for him to have these conversations about his own friendships," she says. Pop culture and literature can prompt discussion, too. Nelson suggests asking, "What do you think about these characters in relation to your friends?"
Teach them to repair relationship rifts
Boys are more likely than girls to walk away when there's a hiccup in a friendship, Way says, and that can leak to their romantic life later. "Their girlfriend may do something, and the only solution they can think of is to leave," she says. Parents can model that rectifying situations takes work and vulnerability. "A father can say: 'I got into a big argument with a friend. Know what I did? I took a few deep breaths, then called him and said, 'Here's what I did wrong,' " Reiner says.

Some boys may need help avoiding physical conflicts, Nelson says. "All the norms around masculinity for boys are about physical toughness. 'You're not going to disrespect me. I'm going to shove you to show you that you can't do that again.'" Debrief after an incident. Ask your son to explain the sequence of events. What did the other student do, and how did your son respond? Then help him address the why. You can say, "You pushed him, and he fell - what was that about?"
Set rules for social media and gaming
Parents are often baffled that boys can feel an intimate connection with people they know only from gaming and chat rooms, says Adam Pletter, a psychologist and founder of iParent101. Online interactions do hit on some basic friendship-building skills, he notes, but they neglect others. "They're sharing, compromising, negotiating, feeling connected and validated," he explains, "but eye contact, body language and face-to-face skills are completely eliminated when you're typing." Set limits and ensure that your son engages with peers in person. Pletter notes that it's never too late to set clear expectations regarding device use during sleepovers, play dates, car pools and other social scenarios.
Challenge the definition of a "real man"
Talk about masculine expectations, Nelson says. "Particularly for low-income Black and Latino boys, so much of their physical safety is dependent on whether they're perceived as weak. I've spoken to Black fathers who tell their boys: 'It's OK for you to cry at home, but not at the park. At home, you're loved, you're safe.' "

You may need to re-examine your own beliefs. "If parents are locked into this notion of a man following this traditional script, how can they raise a son who has deeper emotional awareness?" Reiner says. Fathers, especially, should tell their son when they've suffered a disappointment.
Be physically demonstrative
"I hug my 12-year-old son just like I hug my girls, but I also show him that it's OK to put your arm around someone," says William Parker, the executive director of the Oklahoma Middle Level Education Association. "I hug the guys I know. I want my son to grow up knowing that you can have deep, affectionate friendships that don't have to be about romance."
Fagell is the counsellor at Sheridan School in Washington, D.C. and a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Maryland. She tweets @Pfagell and blogs at phyllisfagell.com.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Boys' close friendships must survive 'masculine expectations' | The Star

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
The Grade 7 boys at George Jackson Academy in New York City snickered when developmental psychologist Niobe Way told them about a teen who loved his best friend. She asked them what was funny, and a student said, "The dude sounds gay." Way expected that reaction.

# data[].attributes.headline
Why Identity and Emotion are Central To Motivating the Teen Brain

# data[].attributes.subject
Why Identity and Emotion are Central To Motivating the Teen Brain

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
In the past decade, neuroscientists have been able to identify what makes the adolescent brain so geared for the kind of inquiry that can pay dividends in the classroom. As children enter adolescence, some developing neural systems have already stabilized, Dahl said. But puberty creates a whole new set of elastic neural systems that, when interacting with the already stabilized systems, offers unique windows of opportunity for engagement and experiencing the world around them in multiple ways.

"Adolescence is a perfect storm of opportunities to align these changes in positive ways," Dahl said. "Learning, exploration, acquiring skills and habits, intrinsic motivations, attitudes, setting goals and priorities: There's compelling need for transdisciplinary research to understand unique opportunities for social and emotional learning. But few people do it in fear of these challenges."

These new scientific insights have large implications for how schools teach adolescents, which have traditionally viewed this age group as troublesome.

'One way to think about puberty is to think of it as a learning spurt for heartfelt goals.It's a particularly opportune time to fall in love with learning itself.'

The feelings of acceptance, rejection, admiration, among others, are all the story of adolescence. Children in this age group also seek physical sensations and thrills. There's heightened awareness of social status, especially as they realize that acts of courage can earn them higher social status among peers. Their wildly swinging neurological systems also mean that adolescents can readjust quickly - making those years critical for educators to engage students in "the right ways," when the brain is learning to calibrate complex social and emotional value systems that use feelings as fast signals, Dahl said.

Contrary to common belief, children in this age range don't actually have "broken brains." Rather, these children are undergoing a profound update to how they process the world around them. Adolescents are often considered bad decision-makers who are thrill-seekers. These myths, however, stem from young people's desire to display courage, which is valued across cultures - and adolescents constantly seek the emotional satisfaction of being admired. In fact, Dahl said that adolescents take risks to overcome their fears, not seek them out.

"[Adolescents] are learning about the complex social world they must navigate, including the hierarchies, social rules for gaining acceptance and status, and the mystifying discovery of a sexual self," Dahl said. "This is a flexible period for goal engagement, and the main part of what's underneath what we think about setting goals in conscious ways - the bottom-up-based pull to feel motivated toward things."

Adding to the confusion over how best to respond to adolescents is a wave of research showing children around the world are entering puberty at younger ages. One report found that in the 1860s, puberty for girls began at age 16. In the 1950s, it occurred at 13. Today it's closer to eight years old. The transition for boys is similar, according to the report. The earlier onset of these pronounced biological changes puts pressure on educators and parents to update their expectations for what it means to be young, and how youth plays into adulthood.

"This is an interesting potential opportunity, with the longer time to learn activated motivational systems, longer time to increase skills and develop patterns of developing knowledge," Dahl said. "If kids grow up in opportune settings, they can take advantage of the scaffolding and freedom to go on to take adult roles. But the risks are probably more amplified than opportunities for kids in disadvantaged settings."

It's still unclear how the earlier development happening in children might create other sets of challenges, Dahl noted, but it's evident that it's a key development window of motivational learning, a time when the brain more intensely senses motivational feelings, strengthening the patterns of connections to heartfelt goals, and creates potential for deep, sustained learning.

This period of learning is exemplified by even the forbidden love of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. The young couple is brought together by a single brief encounter, after which all mental processes of planning, goals, motivations, longing, and desire are transformed. They begin to obsess over reuniting, and would sacrifice anything - including comfort, safety, family, and friends - to be together again.

Without the context that adolescents' motives can explode entirely by the spark of a single passion, Romeo and Juliet's story would be one of utter insanity, Dahl said. But adolescents' abilities to rapidly reshape motivations and goals both supports their emotional volatility as well as presents a key period to find love - not necessarily romantically for others, but for academic activities and goals.

"With the feelings that pull you to persevere, maybe [adolescence is] a particularly opportune time to fall in love with learning itself, to love that feeling of exploring," Dahl said. "There's a new window to create that 'Yes!' feeling."

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Why Identity and Emotion are Central To Motivating the Teen Brain | KQED

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
In the past decade, neuroscientists have been able to identify what makes the adolescent brain so geared for the kind of inquiry that can pay dividends in the classroom. As children enter adolescence, some developing neural systems have already stabilized, Dahl said.

# data[].attributes.headline
We Stood Up: Reflections on the civil rights movement

# data[].attributes.subject
We Stood Up: Reflections on the civil rights movement

# data[].attributes.body
an audio anthology for children that uses stories and songs to bring the ideals of freedom, opportunity and equality to life for a new generation

# data[].attributes.headline
Empathy Is Tough to Teach, But Is One Of the Most Important Life Lessons

# data[].attributes.subject
Empathy Is Tough to Teach, But Is One Of the Most Important Life Lessons

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Empathy Is Tough to Teach, But Is One Of the Most Important Life Lessons

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Every person in a child's life can help him or her develop empathy, an important quality for personal and professional success.

# data[].attributes.headline
To Help Students Learn, Engage the Emotions

# data[].attributes.subject
To Help Students Learn, Engage the Emotions

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Before she became a neuroscientist, Mary Helen Immordino-Yang was a seventh-grade science teacher at a school outside Boston. One year, during a period of significant racial and ethnic tension at the school, she struggled to engage her students in a unit on human evolution. After days of apathy and outright resistance to Ms. Immordino-Yang's teaching, a student finally asked the question that altered her teaching - and her career path - forever: "Why are early hominids always shown with dark skin?"

With that question, one that connected the abstract concepts of human evolution and the very concrete, personal experiences of racial tension in the school, her students' resistance gave way to interest. As she explained the connection between the effects of equatorial sunlight, melanin and skin color and went on to explain how evolutionary change and geography result in various human characteristics, interest blossomed into engagement, and something magical happened: Her students began to learn.

Dr. Immordino-Yang's eyes light up as she recounts this story in her office at the Brain and Creativity Institute at the University of Southern California. Now an associate professor of education, psychology and neuroscience, she understands the reason behind her students' shift from apathy to engagement and, finally, to deep, meaningful learning.

Her students learned because they became emotionally engaged in material that had personal relevance to them.

Emotion is essential to learning, Dr. Immordino-Yang said, and should not be underestimated or misunderstood as a trend, or as merely the "E" in "SEL," or social-emotional learning. Emotion is where learning begins, or, as is often the case, where it ends. Put simply, "It is literally neurobiologically impossible to think deeply about things that you don't care about," she said.

This rule holds true even across subjects and disciplines, Dr. Immordino-Yang writes in her book, " Emotions, Learning, and the Brain." "Even in academic subjects that are traditionally considered unemotional, such as physics, engineering or math, deep understanding depends on making emotional connections between concepts."

As a teacher, I know what an emotionally engaged student looks like on the outside, but Dr. Immordino-Yang showed me what that student looks like on the inside using a functional M.R.I., a scanner that reveals brain function in real time.

"When students are emotionally engaged," she said, "we see activations all around the cortex, in regions involved in cognition, memory and meaning-making, and even all the way down into the brain stem."

As she went on to explain why emotion is vital to high-quality learning, Ms. Immordino-Yang's cheeks flushed pink, her eyes brightened, and her hands became animated and expressive. While she'd provided me with pages of quotes, studies and images meant to illustrate all she wanted to teach me during those two hours in her office, her enthusiasm for the topic served as the most powerful exhibit.

Great teachers understand that the best, most durable learning happens when content sparks interest, when it is relevant to a child's life, and when the students form an emotional bond with either the subject at hand or the teacher in front of them. Meaningful learning happens when teachers are able to create an emotional connection to what might otherwise remain abstract concepts, ideas or skills.

Creating this emotional connection might sound like a daunting task, but research has shown that the investment reaps huge dividends in the form of increased learning and better grades. When teachers take the time to learn about their students' likes, dislikes and personal interests, whether it's racial issues brewing at their school, their after-school job, or their dreams and goals, learning improves.

I experienced this a few years ago, with a parent who asked me how to get her daughter interested in school. The girl dreamed of becoming a dairy farmer like her father and grandfather, and felt that her classes were irrelevant.

And yet, given a few moments to think and some creativity, we both realized that dairy farming is a perfect laboratory for everything from biology to math, chemistry to geometry, history to government; all of these subjects are relevant and important in the life of a dairy farmer. When the catalog for I.V.F.-ready bull semen arrives in the mail, she'll need to know about dominant and recessive genetic traits. She'll need to understand soil chemistry, microbiology, botany, the geometry of herd rotation as it relates to land use, and the political and financial realities of keeping dairy farming viable as an industry.

The emotional connection that can result when teachers make learning personally relevant to students is what differentiates superficial, rote, topical assimilation of material from a superlative education marked by deep mastery and durable learning. While there are no silver bullets in education, emotional engagement and personal relevance is the tool that has the potential to improve the educational experience of every child, in every school in America.

Jessica Lahey is an educator, writer and speaker and the author of "The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed." Interested in more Well Family? Sign up to get the latest news on parenting, child health and relationships with advice from our experts to help every family live well.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
To Help Students Learn, Engage the Emotions

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Before she became a neuroscientist, Mary Helen Immordino-Yang was a seventh-grade science teacher at a school outside Boston. One year, during a period of significant racial and ethnic tension at the school, she struggled to engage her students in a unit on human evolution.

# data[].attributes.body
From Providence Day School

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Providence Day School believes that there is a responsibility to train our students and faculty to be engaged, ethical, and productive digital citizens which why our resource guide has been updated. Each chapter now has a Take Action section to guide Educators to meaningful ways to engage their students.

We also are seeking your input. We are inviting you to share the activities you use with your students. Each submission will be added with attribution.

This site is our way of sharing our PD Digital Citizenship Resource Guide iBook with anyone interested. Each page in this site is a chapter from our resource guide which not only explores one of the seven compass points that guide our behavior but includes resources, activities, and lesson plans. Please note that in most cases Providence Day School did not create the resources, but instead linked to existing resources. This resource is intended to facilitate discussion between students and faculty, parents and faculty, and most importantly students and parents.

Use the menu in the upper left hand corner to navigate the chapters. Please let us know if you have any questions.

If you are interested in viewing this resource as an iBook,

Providence Day School Digital Citizenship Guide byProvidence Day School is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License.
Based on a work athttps://pddigitalcitizenship.wordpress.com/.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Providence Day School believes that there is a responsibility to train our students and faculty to be engaged, ethical, and productive digital citizens which why our resource guide has been updated. Each chapter now has a Take Action section to guide Educators to meaningful ways to engage their students.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
A curated list of educational videos about cyberbullying, digital citizenship, and more that can be used in assemblies and presentations.

Sameer and I regularly give presentations to students about the importance of using technology safely and responsibly. Due to time and resource constraints, this is often done in large school assemblies. By themselves, assemblies likely don't accomplish all that we would hope for in educating young people about these issues, but they can serve as one important component of what would ideally be a multi-pronged approach to teaching digital citizenship.

We've learned over the years that it is crucial to be open, honest, and real with students about what they are doing, seeing, and experiencing online ( here's how we do it!). Attempting to scare them away from technology by offering only the worst-case scenarios (sex offender registries and suicide), doesn't seem to resonate with students (and may also be counterproductive). It's like warning them about going out in the rain by telling them that they will be struck by lightning. That could happen, but it isn't likely. There are, however, other reasons not to go out in the rain.

We've also learned that we need to convey the information in a way that is interesting and entertaining ( here's what we mean). We can't just get up on stage, stand behind a podium, and lecture to them in a monotone voice for an hour about what they should and shouldn't do online. In our presentations, we try to be dynamic, energetic, and interactive. We use PowerPoint to illustrate what we are talking about. When possible, we use flash polling so that students can participate in the discussion via their mobile devices and see their aggregated responses to various questions appear instantly on the screen.

In addition, we also often include one or two short videos to help break up these presentations. Many students and adults have asked us over the years for links to these videos so I thought I would list some of our favorites here (see others on our YouTube Channel).

Below is a list of videos that discuss or provide informative content for Cyberbullying in fun and interesting ways. If we find new ones that are great, we'll add to this list. If you have some suggestions for new videos that you have found resonate well with youth, please offer them in the comments!

Sameer first found this video on cyberbullying on a trip he made to the UK several years ago. This is an older video (by technology standards), but it's still a very good overview of the issues (especially for younger students). We still sometimes show this to upper elementary and middle school students. I have to admit that when we first watched this it really looked like the story was going to end very badly. And frankly, if it did end that way (with Joe committing suicide), we would not show it (especially not in schools). There are too many of those kinds of fear-based videos out there and we try to avoid them.

Discussion questions:
1. How did the bullying start in the first place?
2. Why did Joe resist telling adults in his life about what he was experiencing?
3. If you were on the bus when Joe was being made fun of, what could you have done?
4. Why were the police called to the school at the end?
5. The ending is a bit abrupt: one minute Joe is being mistreated by his friends, the next they are all friends again. What do you think happened during that time to resolve this? What could you do if something like this happened to you?

This video on cyberbullying was submitted to Trend Micro's annual "What's Your Story" video contest. After viewing, you can see why it was the winner. It is compelling, eloquent, creative, and totally relatable and engaging to students. Middle and high school students really appreciate the unique way important messages are conveyed in this video.

Anti-Bullying Learning and Teaching Resource (ALTER) Catholic Education Office, Wollongong
May 30, 2012

Australian researcher Donna Cross introduced me to this wonderful video on cyberbullying created by students and staff at a Catholic school in New South Wales, Australia. What I love most about this video is its simplicity. The students acknowledge the problem and then offer suggestions for what to do.

Discussion questions:
1. Can you think of any other ideas for what to do when you see bullying?
2. This is an example of something that was largely student-directed and created. What can you do in your school to help stop bullying?

Joy and Heron
February 12, 2018

GI 3D Animated A Joy Story: Joy and Heron Short Film by Passion Pictures Australia.

Discussion questions:
1. How can you tell when someone else is having problem that you don't know about?
2. How can you provide support when someone is struggling?

"We Are All Daniel Cui"
October 31, 2012

Daniel Cui was a freshman soccer goalie from Hillsborough, California. During his first season, a lot of students were blaming him and bullying him online for his team losing all of their games. To show support for Daniel, his teammates and dozens of other students changed their Facebook profile pictures to one of him making a great save. Others tagged, liked, and commented on the photo posts to encourage and cheer Daniel on. He came back the following year and played with a new sense of confidence, helping his team to many victories. This shows what can happen when we demonstrate to others we believe in them and build them up, rather than hate on them and tear them down. This video was produced by Facebook to highlight the importance of standing up for others (online and off).

This is another great spoken word poem. Written by Shane Koyczan, this is based on a very popular TED Talk. It is a bit long so we don't show it in school assemblies, but it can be good when you have more time to spend with students.

Discussion questions:
1. How do nicknames define who we are?
2. Do you think it is true that words spoken or typed don't hurt as much as physical bullying?

For younger students, this video on cyberbullying depicts a day in the life of a normal kid who faces bullying, family problems, and other issues but fights to stay true to his heart.

This video on cyberbullying features a high school's effort to promote positivity by using "Smile Cards." They were distributed to lift the spirits of students in creative, fun ways.

This video depicts how a high school in Brentwood, CA decided to show love towards their awesome campus police officer.

This video is for younger students, and provides interviews with kids as to what digital citizenship is, as well as a fun re-enactment of an animated video involving kids for a Common Sense Media contest.

This video is very hard-hitting and not for younger audiences, but powerfully discusses how students are labeled in derogatory ways, which compartmentalizes them into pre-established, historically-judged groups and perpetuates hateful stereotypes.

This video involves older teens, young adults, and adults - and discusses how we put people in boxes - and how that makes them feel and promotes isolation, loneliness, and division. It then shows how there are so many commonalities to the human condition, and how that brings us together in wonderful ways.

This video discusses what youth are doing online on an average day through the viewpoint of a typical American teen.

This video discusses what youth are doing online on an average day through the viewpoint of a typical American tween.

This video, set to a tremendously catchy TSwift song, can be used to promote conversation about meanness among students and in society, the role of resilience in deflecting hate, and how schools can use technology to promote positive messages across campus.

Shares a story of how a college wide receiver sought to impact a boy's life when he saw him sitting alone at lunch during school, and provides inspiration as to why we need to look for the lonely and step out boldly to include them and be a friend to them.

Flash Mobs, Lip Dubs, and Other Creative Group Efforts

Many schools and other youth groups across the globe have created amazing public awareness campaigns using music and dance. Here are some that we like (just search YouTube and you can find dozens of others!):
David Lloyd George Elementary School, Oakridge Center, Vancouver, BC, Canada Freeport High School Cypress Ranch High School Anti-Bullying Lip Dub "Who Do U Think U R?" Clarksville Jr High Shake It Off Lip Dub
Discussion questions:
1. Do you have an idea for a public display to help bring awareness to this problem?
2. If you had unlimited resources (money, time, people), what would you do to prevent cyberbullying and promote kindness?

-
Image source: http://bit.ly/2BCRfEn

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Cyberbullying Videos to Use in Presentations

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
A curated list of educational videos about cyberbullying, digital citizenship, and more that can be used in assemblies and presentations.

# data[].attributes.headline
One Teacher’s Brilliant Strategy to Stop Future School Shootings—and It’s Not About Guns

# data[].attributes.subject
One Teacher’s Brilliant Strategy to Stop Future School Shootings—and It’s Not About Guns

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Here's how one schoolteacher takes time each week to look out for the lonely.

A few weeks ago, I went into my son Chase's class for tutoring. I'd e-mailed Chase's teacher one evening and said, "Chase keeps telling me that this stuff you're sending home is math-but I'm not sure I believe him. Help, please." She e-mailed right back and said, "No problem! I can tutor Chase after school anytime." And I said, "No, not him. Me. He gets it. Help me."

And that's how I ended up standing at a chalkboard in an empty fifth-grade classroom while Chase's teacher sat behind me, using a soothing voice to try to help me understand the "new way we teach long division." Luckily for me, I didn't have to unlearn much because I'd never really understood the "old way we taught long division." It took me a solid hour to complete one problem, but I could tell that Chase's teacher liked me anyway. She used to work with NASA, so obviously we have a whole lot in common.

Afterward, we sat for a few minutes and talked about teaching children and what a sacred trust and responsibility it is. We agreed that subjects like math and reading are not the most important things that are learned in a classroom. We talked about shaping little hearts to become contributors to a larger community-and we discussed our mutual dream that those communities might be made up of individuals who are kind and brave above all.

And then she told me this.

Every Friday afternoon, she asks her students to take out a piece of paper and write down the names of four children with whom they'd like to sit the following week. The children know that these requests may or may not be honored. She also asks the students to nominate one student who they believe has been an exceptional classroom citizen that week. All ballots are privately submitted to her.

And every single Friday afternoon, after the students go home, she takes out those slips of paper, places them in front of her, and studies them. She looks for patterns.

Who is not getting requested by anyone else?

Who can't think of anyone to request?

Who never gets noticed enough to be nominated?

Who had a million friends last week and none this week?

You see, Chase's teacher is not looking for a new seating chart or "exceptional citizens." Chase's teacher is looking for lonely children. She's looking for children who are struggling to connect with other children. She's identifying the little ones who are falling through the cracks of the class's social life. She is discovering whose gifts are going unnoticed by their peers. And she's pinning down-right away-who's being bullied and who is doing the bullying.

As a teacher, parent, and lover of all children, I think this is the most brilliant Love Ninja strategy I have ever encountered. It's like taking an X-ray of a classroom to see beneath the surface of things and into the hearts of students. It is like mining for gold-the gold being those children who need a little help, who need adults to step in and teach them how to make friends, how to ask others to play, how to join a group, or how to share their gifts. And it's a bully deterrent because every teacher knows that bullying usually happens outside her eyeshot and that often kids being bullied are too intimidated to share. But, as she said, the truth comes out on those safe, private, little sheets of paper.

As Chase's teacher explained this simple, ingenious idea, I stared at her with my mouth hanging open. "How long have you been using this system?" I said.

Ever since Columbine, she said. Every single Friday afternoon since Columbine. Good Lord.

This brilliant woman watched Columbine knowing that all violence begins with disconnection. All outward violence begins as inner loneliness. Who are our next mass shooters and how do we stop them? She watched that tragedy knowing that children who aren't being noticed may eventually resort to being noticed by any means necessary.

And so she decided to start fighting violence early and often in the world within her reach. What Chase's teacher is doing when she sits in her empty classroom studying those lists written with shaky 11-year-old hands is saving lives. I am convinced of it.

And what this mathematician has learned while using this system is something she really already knew: that everything-even love, even belonging-has a pattern to it. She finds the patterns, and through those lists she breaks the codes of disconnection. Then she gets lonely kids the help they need. It's math to her. It's math.

All is love-even math. Amazing.

What a way to spend a life: looking for patterns of love and loneliness. Stepping in, every single day, and altering the trajectory of our world.

The facts about mass shootings in America are undeniable. Do your part to decrease loneliness, whenever you can.
Glennon Doyle Melton writes the popular blog momastery.com and is the author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller and Oprah's Book Club 2016 Selection Find out more about reaction to this powerful article from Editor-in-Chief, Bruce Kelley. Love Warrior: A Memoir

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
One Teacher's Brilliant Strategy to Stop Future School Shootings-and It's Not About Guns

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Here's how one schoolteacher takes time each week to look out for the lonely. A few weeks ago, I went into my son Chase's class for tutoring. I'd e-mailed Chase's teacher one evening and said, "Chase keeps telling me that this stuff you're sending home is math-but I'm not sure I believe him.

# data[].attributes.headline
How to Develop a School Culture That Helps Curb Bullying

# data[].attributes.subject
How to Develop a School Culture That Helps Curb Bullying

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
"Restorative practices don't get rid of discipline," Quintana added. Rather, they supplement other discipline, so that kids who are suspended, for example, learn what they did wrong and why it matters. "It's the restorative practices that will prepare kids for the world beyond high school," she said.

Treating bullying as a hurtful act that violates shared values, rather than as a character defect, encourages kids to understand why their behavior was wrong, and to apologize and make amends, according to James Dillon, a retired school principal and author of Reframing Bullying Prevention to Build Stronger School Communities.

"Bullying shouldn't ever be acceptable, and students should be held accountable-but also learn how and why what they did is wrong, and not just suffer the pain of consequences," Dillon says.

This restorative justice model, where kids are coaxed to accept responsibility, figure out ways to remedy the harm and restore the damaged relationship, helps them learn from their actions and internalize a moral code.

"Punishment makes things worse," said danah boyd, author of It's Complicated: The Social Lives of Networked Teens. "Schools have to start from a place of empathy. Why is a student doing something harmful to other students?" she added. Zero-tolerance policies toward student misbehavior have been shown to have the opposite effect of what was intended by their adoption: A task force set up by the American Psychological Association to study the issue found that zero-tolerance policies in schools worsened school climates, provoked more student misbehavior and led to higher expulsion and suspension rates for minorities. And no-questions-asked penalties against kids who mistreat their peers stunts the growth of personal conscience; the punished child will instead fixate on his "unfair" penalty rather than the harm he committed.

And when it comes to social media, ugly exchanges among kids can feel like a scourge to school administrators. But the customary ways schools have responded, including some variation of assemblies, lectures, and disciplinary action, seem to have had little effect.

"The current rules and punishment-based approach that schools are using is not working to address the concerns of bullying in school," says Nancy Willard, director of Embrace Civility in the Digital Age. "And it certainly will not be effective in addressing hurtful acts via social media, because schools are not making the rules for social media."

What can schools do to reduce bullying among students on school grounds and online?

Drawing from social science research and experience in schools, some experts on bullying, learning and social media have fresh ways of thinking about and responding to the problem.

Build the right culture. "It is easier to think that the problem is because of character flaws in a few students or to blame parents for not doing a better job of raising their kids," says Dillon.

In fact, to reduce aggression among kids, school leaders need to start with the climate within the building. Schools with an authoritarian and hierarchical ethos teach kids that obeying rules as decreed by the grown-ups in power is what counts; this only exacerbates jockeying for status among the students, which inspires bullying. A better approach would have school officials and teachers talk with students about what matters and then rally around the collective values and beliefs on which they agree. When adults try to influence rather than control kids, the grown-ups are more likely to be heard. "Real accountability should be toward those commonly held and articulated values of the school community," Dillon said.

Encourage influential kids to take the lead in changing the culture. In an ambitious yearlong study of 24,191 middle school students during 2012 and 2013, social scientists Betsy Levy Paluck, Hana Shepherd and Peter Aronow found that kids with abundant social connections were effective in changing school norms. Anti-bullying messages created and propagated by these influential students reduced conflict in school by a statistically significant margin. Notably, the student body, rather than the teachers, identified the well-connected kids.

Introduce social and emotional learning for students and teachers. "What's been missing from school is the affective dimension of learning," says Janice Toben, who heads up the Institute for Social and Emotional Learning in Menlo Park, California. For 27 years, Toben taught elementary and middle school children how to self-regulate and handle conflict, and now educates teachers on best practices for social and emotional learning.

"We challenge teachers to engage in the social and emotional dynamic of their students, because learning is social and emotional," she said.

Schools could make space for more face-to-face interactions among students, and encourage all teachers to ask reflective questions and focus on students' personal or social insights. Sharing responses like these builds empathy and develops emotional skills in children; they learn how to construct an emotional vocabulary, communicate honestly and directly, and resist online retaliation.

One method she designed is called "Open Session," where adolescents share their worries and challenges with one another; in return, they receive support and real-life wisdom from their peers, and clarify for themselves the real source of worry. Regular meetings like this, along with mindfulness practices and even improvisation, can give kids the tools to understand themselves better, react less impulsively, and show more compassion for others. Teachers, too, need social and emotional support, Toben adds, and would benefit from Open Sessions with their colleagues. What's essential to making this kind of learning work? "Time," Toben said.

Work with the majority of kids who don't bully and don't approve of it. Fellow students are well-situated to deflate a bully's barbs, but few kids intervene when they see abusive behavior directed at their peers. Student witnesses to bullying are more likely to stand up for peers in schools with caring and inclusive climates because bullying violates school norms. But how can school leaders get those kids to step up? First, don't alienate them with language that seems to blame them for a behavior - bullying -t hat they didn't commit. Instead, tell them how important they are in building a stronger school; they are leaders and allies in constructing a better school environment, and should be told so repeatedly. "The most important belief driving positive change and reframing bullying prevention," Dillon writes, "is that students are the solution to the problem not the cause of it."

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
How to Develop a School Culture That Helps Curb Bullying

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
"Restorative practices don't get rid of discipline," Quintana added. Rather, they supplement other discipline, so that kids who are suspended, for example, learn what they did wrong and why it matters. "It's the restorative practices that will prepare kids for the world beyond high school," she said.

# data[].attributes.headline
The Caring School: Kind but Not Always Nice

# data[].attributes.subject
The Caring School: Kind but Not Always Nice

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
[I want to expand on some of the ideas of yesterday's post, The Ethic of Care is Hard, because I think it's important to think about many of the ways it plays out in practice.]

Sometimes, when I am talking to educational traditionalists about SLA and our ethic of care, I get comments something to the effect of "Well, you can't be nice all the time..." (seriously... I've also gotten comments about "participation trophies" from more than a few folks) and I think that shows a fundamental misunderstanding of what caring is. It makes the mistake that caring is just some sort of stereotype for sweetness and light. It makes the mistake of conflating caring and nice. And oftentimes, caring is anything but.

A caring school doesn't lack for critique - it works under the assumption that we all work to find the best versions of ourselves, and as such, we push each other to strive toward that vision of ourselves.

A caring school hold people accountable for their own behaviors, but it does so in ways that doesn't assume "behavior" as some fixed characteristic, but rather, recognizing sometimes the things we label as "behavior" are really skills that we haven't mastered yet.

A caring school understands that we're all growing, and we're all flawed, and we're all human.

A caring school recognizes that there's not one ideal outcome we hope for all our students - all of us - but rather that our goal is to help one another become - and sometimes discover - the best version of ourselves.

A caring school understands the difference between authoritative and authoritarian. It recognizes that teachers are teachers and students are students, but more importantly, teachers and students are both on the continuum of human behavior and strives to understand each other's behavior, not explain it away.

A caring school recognizes and values the identities - racial, sexual, religious, gender, ethnic, and more - of all its members, working to ensure that everyone feels valued, understanding that all of us have lives outside our halls that must be valued - that who we are inside school and outside school must be integrated for us to be healthy.

A caring school has to walk the very fine line of taking care of the individual and taking care of the community. This requires a lot of dialogue - and even more listening. And it requires imperfect solutions where, often, the explanation of "why" is just as important as the "what" of the consequences of actions.

A caring school understands that sometimes you have to say and do the really hard things - and that's meant everything from telling parents things about their children they didn't want to hear to telling a student that they weren't going to make it to a June graduation and more - but it means that, even in the hardest moments, it means acting with humility and grace and with the understanding that those are the moments, hard as it can be, that we have to make sure students feel cared for.

A caring school understands that all our needs are in constant tension and we have to be honest with each other about what we all need to thrive, and that when we are honest about that, we stand the best chance of coming to a place where everyone feels valued, valuable and able to have their needs met.

A caring school is still one where people get angry with one another. We even yell and scream from time to time, but we apologize - students, teachers, principals, when we lose our temper.

A caring school is never one where we shy away from the hard conversation because it's not nice or polite or might make someone uncomfortable. We have those conversations, because those conversations are in each other's best interests as we work toward that best vision of ourselves.

A caring school isn't always nice. But those who inhabit it always try to be kind. And sometimes that means, when we have to say hard things to one another, that we do so in ways that give us the best chance to hear one another and learn from one another and still feel cared for.

A caring school is one where we argue to learn, not just argue to win. But we still argue.

A caring school is one where there is time in the schedule set aside for people to see each other as people, not just students and teachers of subjects. And it's one where we work on the skill of treating each other with care in the same way as we would work on our writing or our mastery of mathematics or our ability to create a great unit plan, because caring is not just a mindset, but a skill.

And all of it takes work.

To close, the other thing I always hear, even after I explain all of this to people, is that the "real world" isn't like this - that, in the real world, people don't always take care of each other this way. I have two responses to that.

First, SLA kids have the rest of their lives to learn that the world can be a cruel, horrible place, they don't need to learn it from us.

And second, maybe if the kids experience communities of care, where people really do aspire to help each other find the best versions of themselves, maybe their create those communities once they leave our halls where ever they go next.

And wouldn't that be something.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
The Caring School: Kind but Not Always Nice

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
I want to expand on some of the ideas of yesterday's post, The Ethic of Care is Hard, because I think it's important to think about many of the ways it plays out in practice.]

# data[].attributes.headline
The #1 Factor That Determines A Toxic or Thriving School Culture

# data[].attributes.subject
The #1 Factor That Determines A Toxic or Thriving School Culture

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
By Alex Kajitani

As a teacher leader who travels the country working with schools to improve their culture, I'm constantly amazed at the varying degrees to which staff members respect, encourage and communicate with each other.

Here's what I've concluded: the number one factor that determines whether a school culture is toxic or thrives is how staff members deal with their own conflicts as they arise.

As teachers, part of our job is to help students learn to get along. As teacher leaders, we must be able to address our own inevitable conflicts in a positive, respectful manner. This can make or break our school culture.
So, How Can We Handle Conflict Effectively?
Try this step-by-step approach when a conflict with a colleague arises:
Step 1: Be well-rounded.
Think about the situation from at least three perspectives: yours, your colleague's, and the students'. Whatever the situation you need to confront, this will help you see the situation more fully, and begin to pinpoint exactly what the issues are.
Step 2: Confirm behavior privately.
Often, we wonder if a colleague's behavior is bothering others, or if it's just us. It's OK to privately ask another colleague for perspective--in a professional, upbeat manner, focusing on specific behavior and how it affects the group.

For example: "I really want to approach (insert teacher's name) about how she interrupts in meetings, as I'm concerned that it's affecting our productivity. However, first I wanted to check with you to see your perspective on the situation."
Step 3: Make an appointment.
When you're ready to approach the person, it's important that this conversation takes place in a comfortable, private location, with plenty of time. Catching someone off guard is not only unfair, it can also block the ability to have a relaxed and real exchange.

Consider stepping into your colleague's classroom when she's most likely to be available, and saying, "Hey, I was hoping to talk to you, when's a good time?"
Step 4: Open strong.
Sometimes, knowing how to begin the conversation is the hardest part. Rehearsing a clear opening is key to whether the conversation becomes productive, or gets derailed before it even begins.

Consider something like: "I'd like to talk to you about (name the problem in one sentence). You don't have to agree with everything I say, but I do ask you to please listen first."
Step 5: Be specific.
Avoid making general, "blanket" statements about an issue. Rather, use specific examples, such as, "You arrived 12-14 minutes late to our past three Tuesday meetings." Only when we are willing to confront someone with specifics can the specific behavior be addressed and improved.

In addition, it's imperative to separate behavior from self-worth. Telling someone he came to the meeting late (behavior) is far more productive than telling him he never gets anywhere on time (self-worth).
Step 6: Be real.
It's OK to laugh, cry, or admit to being confused. It's also OK if the conversation goes silent for a few moments. By bringing our authentic selves into a conversation, we're able to lean into a conflict, instead of shying away from it.

Being real also means truly being open to the other person's perspective. Thus, after you've opened the conversation with specifics, your main job is to listen.
Step 7: Make a plan.
Conclude the conversation by agreeing on a plan of action, including how you'll hold each other accountable. Too often, great meetings end with everyone feeling better, but no plan in place. This often leads to the problem occurring again.

Simply saying, "So, what's the plan?" will move the conversation toward implementable, sustainable solutions. Then, follow up.
It's Up To US.
When it comes to the success of an individual classroom, nothing is more important than the relationship between the teacher and the students. When it comes to the success of an entire school, nothing is more important than the relationship of the adults in the building.

Conflicts happen when human beings work together. How we deal with those conflicts is where we have the power to truly shape our school's culture.

Alex Kajitani is the 2009 California Teacher of the Year, and the author of the acclaimed book Owning It: Proven Strategies for Success in ALL of Your Roles as a Teacher Today.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Teacher-Leader Contributor from the National Network of State Teachers of the Year

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
The #1 Factor That Determines A Toxic or Thriving School Culture

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
When it comes to the success of an individual classroom, nothing is more important than the relationship between the teacher and the students. When it comes to the success of an entire school, nothing is more important than the relationship of the adults in the building.

# data[].attributes.headline
What Special Ed Teachers and Parents Need To Know About Social Media

# data[].attributes.subject
What Special Ed Teachers and Parents Need To Know About Social Media

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
"Discuss, monitor, and educate."

That's Kortney Peagram's advice to parents and teachers who want to help special needs teens lead an online life. She wrote up some of her experiences as a psychologist working to reduce cyberbullying in Chicago for our friends at NPR's All Tech Considered.

Students can definitely benefit from social media, Peagram says. For kids who can't be touched, or who can't look people in the eye, digital networks are a chance to share pictures and interests, and an opportunity to have a social life.

But the internet can be a dangerous place, especially for kids who may struggle with communication.

Here are some guidelines Peagram recommends for parents and teachers to help kids stay safe online:

Create a list of clear and concise rules.
Teachers can make a "classroom contract" for kids regarding social media use. It should be five rules or less - anything more is overwhelming. Each rule should have one clear, short sentence, followed by a description that fleshes things out with images and examples.

One key rule? Keep private things private. Peagram walks her students through different settings in the real world: their bedroom, the bus stop, the classroom. Even if they are sitting in their bedroom, she tells them, they shouldn't do things online that they wouldn't do at the bus stop.

Peagram also tries to help them recognize potentially dangerous situations, like sexting.

"They're embarrassed, but they don't know why they should be embarrassed," she explains. To help them understand, she draws on the recent Pixar film, Inside Out, using the emotion characters to explain the sadness and disgust feelings that might come from posting nude pictures. She uses the analogy of a photocopier to explain how those pictures might spread.

Structure the time your child spends online.
There are worries that young people are addicted to social media, and for students who may lack impulse control or other social outlets there's a strong possibility their screen time could develop into a compulsion.

Peagram suggests that teachers (and parents) build a couple of blocks into the day for phone use, and limit social media to those times.

In her classroom, she uses phone checks as a reward. If a student completes their worksheets and does all their activities, then they get a five minute phone-use period at the end of class.

Ultimately, she recommends device use three to five times a day, for 5-30 minutes at a time. At home, she suggests phones be kept and charged in a common area, so kids don't bring them to bed and lose sleep online.

Overall, consistency is important.
Whatever the rules and the schedule are, Peagram says, stick to them.

Special education teachers shouldn't promise that there will be 5 minutes of phone time at the end of class, and then not give that time.

"It's hard for them to understand and breaks down the trust."

Parents and teachers should also try to model behaviors. Not all kids understand why a parent can do something that they can't - say, follow and like a bunch of strangers' Instagram posts - but it's especially confusing for kids with special needs.

And repetition is key. In her classroom, Peagram will make songs and games about her social media rules, to make sure that they are remembered.

Monitor accounts and understand the sites your kid is using.
Some experts recommend limiting special needs students to safer sites with moderators and filters, but Peagram says that isn't necessary.

Those sites tend to be more child-oriented, she says, and aren't suited for the teenagers she works with. "They like to talk about clothes and boys," she says, "They're as drama fueled as any teen. But sometimes they don't have the processing ability."

Filters can also limit self-moderation, so students won't learn what they can and can't talk about. "If you don't teach them the right skills, they'll never learn them," Peagram says.

Still, the automatic privacy filters on an application like Instagram are very different from the filters on Facebook, so adults need to familiarize themselves with any website or app that their kid uses.

Parents and teachers can monitor a students' circle of friends for clear warning signs, like big age differences, accounts that seem fake, or people posting inappropriate material.

Behavior can also be a red flag. If a kid is more aggressive, or using inappropriate words that they didn't learn in school, it might have something to do with their online experience.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
What Special Ed Teachers and Parents Need To Know About Social Media

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
"Discuss, monitor, and educate." That's Kortney Peagram's advice to parents and teachers who want to help special needs teens lead an online life. She wrote up some of her experiences as a psychologist working to reduce cyberbullying in Chicago for our friends at NPR's All Tech Considered.

# data[].attributes.body
Fall 2015

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Connections Quarterly Fall 2015 - Bullying

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Eight Ways Schools Must Address Bullying, by Allan L. Beane, Ph.D. * Beyond Anti-Bullying to Conflict Resolution and Peacemaking, by Richard E. Barbieri, Ph.D. * Spotlight: Preparing for Co-Ed Life after Single-Sex Education, by David C. Faus * Standing Up to Bullying, by Rabbi Judd Kruger Levingston, Ph.D.

# data[].attributes.body
For Kindness Month

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Myths of the Adolescent Brain - Dan Siegel

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Bullying can threaten students' physical and emotional safety at school and can negatively impact their ability to learn. The best way to address bullying is to stop it before it starts. There are a number of things school staff can do to make schools safer and prevent bullying.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
In the first ninth-grade English class I taught in Los Angeles, my students were of many backgrounds and included two African-American boys. One day in September, I looked straight at Devin and called him Camaron. "I'm not Camaron," he said.

Devin clarified: "I'm Devin."

Teachers are, of course, capable of mixing up names. Was this instance of it racially inflected?Was our collective anxiety about it racially inflected? How does my whiteness play into this error?

But I have found the classroom to be a wonderful place even when things go wrong. The classroom is one of the last living places where we are expected to surprise ourselves, like a mime who breaks her own rule and speaks.

How to Open a Class to Its Culture

At the other extreme is claiming to know nothing, which was Socrates' approach. But planting the nothing from my mind into my kids' minds presents a gardening absurdity. A great classroom culture leverages what's already growing and helps it grow stronger.

In a great classroom culture, we forgive one another in advance, strive to be clear and good, and confront biases as they arise. Creating this culture in a classroom is up to the teacher, can happen quickly, and often means deliberately abandoning standard, well-meaning practices. I hope to overturn some assumptions about teaching in the suggestions below. They're not rules, just thoughts. Rules tend to get used like stones; thoughts lead to more thoughts.

3. Don't label kids or yourself, but be forgiving when they label themselves, one another, or you. Ask what their words mean, rather than calling them on insensitivities.

Challenges Overcome with Candor

When I called Devin by the wrong name, I was afraid I'd hurt feelings and exposed bias. Like a lot of errors, however, it became a gift. Being the first sinner freed up the class to speak with candor.

Throughout my teaching career, my classes have been filled with students of diverse backgrounds. Last year in English class, the child of a minimum-wage earner read Mark Twain next to the child of a billionaire. It's easy to project class anxiety onto youth. It's better to see that in a parallel universe, anyone's circumstances might have been anyone else's. Sometimes the biggest hurdle in a diverse classroom is our own assumption about what matters most. Huck Finn gives his fortune away because his life is better without it.

If you want a diverse classroom, admit lots of different students and hire lots of different teachers. If you also want a classroom culture where everyone has a chance to know and change one another, then you have to let things happen.

About The Blog

Independent Ideas: The Independent School Magazine Blog explores the issues and trends that matter most in education now. As a professional learning community, it features a diversity of voices and solution-oriented perspectives.
Read More

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
10 Ways to Create a Better Classroom Culture

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
In the first ninth-grade English class I taught in Los Angeles, my students were of many backgrounds and included two African-American boys. One day in September, I looked straight at Devin and called him Camaron. "I'm not Camaron," he said. Devin clarified: "I'm Devin." Teachers are, of course, capable of mixing up names.