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Sexual Health & Wellbeing - Brook - Fighting for healthy lives

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Brook is the only national charity to offer both clinical sexual health services, education & wellbeing services for young people, plus training & support for professionals.

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Learn more about your body, health and sexuality

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RFSU is a non-profit Swedish organization that works towards a world in which everyone is free to enjoy, and make decisions about their own bodies and sexuality.

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This game works especially well to spark conversations within families.

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Healthy Relationships for Autistic People - Durham University

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This short film in British Sign Language (BSL) about what is consent was commissioned by SignHealth with funding from the Home Office.

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Website for older teens and young adults. Very wordy so may not be suitable for low literacy. https://www.scarleteen.com/

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Scarleteen | Sex Education For The Real World

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Inclusive, comprehensive, supportive sexuality and relationships info for teens and emerging adults.

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UK website for 14+ particularly good for boys.
https://www.bishuk.com/

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― A Project Co-Ordinator

If you need help in person click here to find out about sexual health services. You are welcome to ask me questions but please do have a look at questions I've already answered and the rest of the site. There's a search bar and a menu of different categories up at the top ☝️.
I've also written a book about consent, called Can We Talk About Consent? It's great and it's available worldwide and in several translations. Find out more about it here.
Important posts

It's for people who are (or are thinking about) having sex / relationships. It's for all genders (trans inclusive) and sexualities, people with disabilities, backgrounds, beliefs and values. It's got a UK vibe so we say 'snog', 'fancy' and 'shag' a lot. Like most sexual health projects / organisations around the world, we're pro sex worker rights (full decriminalisation of sex work) and pro trans rights.

Most of the materials on here are written by me, Justin Hancock. I've been a sex educator and worked in sexual health services and online since 1999. I do training courses for professionals, and I'm a member of the World Association for Sexual Health. Read more about me and the website.

If you're a teacher please remember this website is not designed for classroom RSE teaching. It's for young people who are thinking about sex and relationships to get some advice and education for themselves. For RSE resources head to Bish Training, my website for practitioners. Feel free to signpost students, you can print posters from the support page.

Latest BISH posts

Support BISH

This is one of the most respected online sexuality and relationships education resources with thousands of young people visiting every day. There are no ads and it's entirely crowdfunded. Please consider supporting BISH with £1 a month to keep the show on the road.

If you want some more advanced advice for adults check out the work I do with Meg-John Barker at megjohnandjustin.com. We wrote a sex advice book called A Practical Guide to Sex and we also have some . I also run a called Culture Sex Relationships.

If you a) are over 18 and b) have money, you might be interested in my Solution Focused coaching service. So if you are struggling with sex, relationships, and you generally, you might find it really useful. We would work to find what resources you already have to help you to realise your best hopes. It's really effective and you may well only need one or two sessions. Find out more at my coaching page here.

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BISH a guide to sex, love, and you (14+)

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BISH (best in sexual health). Sex and relationships advice for over 14s. For anyone thinking about sex, how you feel about you, and your relationships.

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When it comes to talking to children and young people about sex and relationships, it is difficult to know what to say. How do you answer their questions? How much is too much? And what is age appropriate?

Sex Ed for Grown-Ups is an open and honest guide that empowers adults to talk to young people about all things sex and relationships.

Written by an independent relationships and sex education consultant, this light-hearted and accessible book encourages grown-ups to think and talk about the topics that scare them the most: from body parts, gender, puberty and first-time sex, to pornography, sexting and knowing what to do when things go wrong. Full of hints, tips and first-hand stories, it is a fun, compassionate and engaging exploration of relationships and sex, which will help adults to fully support young people as they develop a healthy view of both sex and themselves.

Sex Ed for Grown-Ups is essential reading for parents, teachers, youth workers, social workers and any adult who wants to have well-informed and positive conversations with the children and young people in their lives.

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Sex Ed for Grown-Ups: How to Talk to Children and Young People about Sex and Relationships

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Buy Sex Ed for Grown-Ups: How to Talk to Children and Young People about Sex and Relationships 1 by Hunt, Jonny (ISBN: 9780367641337) from Amazon's Book Store. Everyday low prices and free delivery on eligible orders.

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Talking to your child about online sexual harassment: A guide for parents | Children's Commissioner for England

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Talking to your child about online sexual harassment: A guide for parents | Children's Commissioner for England

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Foreword by Dame Rachel de Souza DBE

Since March 2020, thousands of young women have been sharing their experiences of sexual harassment through the 'Everyone's Invited' project. This is an online platform where girls ‑ who are still mostly in school - have described growing up in a world where harassment, including sexualised comments, slut‑shaming and the sharing of nude pictures, is part of their everyday lives. This harmful behaviour happens online and offline. I've seen this first‑hand during my time as a headteacher and I know how stressful and damaging it can be for children, especially girls.

Of course, boys can experience sexualised bullying too, and when they do it's often in the form of homophobic abuse, or through pressure to be more 'masculine'.

When I became Children's Commissioner for England I undertook the largest ever survey of children - The Big Ask - to understand children's lives. The findings of this survey gave me a lot of hope for this next generation, not least because of their incredible resilience. But children, especially girls, talked about their experiences of sexualised bullying and peer‑on‑peer abuse and were calling firmly for more support. Most children want that support to come from their parents or carers.

Talking to our children about this issue can be hard. Parents tell me they sometimes feel uncomfortable, not just because of the sexualised nature of the topic, but also because their children know more about technology than they do. For mums, dads and carers who grew up without smart phones, this whole world can feel bewildering.

But children want to talk to their parents and carers about this. We know this because they've told us. And that's what is at the heart of this guidance.

We brought together a group of 16-21 year‑olds and asked them to tell us what they think parents should know, and what they should say to their children when talking about sexualised bullying and the pressures of growing up online. We asked them to think back to when they were a bit younger and tell us what their parents and carers did and said that was helpful...and what wasn't.

This guidance is based on the voices of young people giving adults their tips on how to tackle this subject.

I also convened a steering group of the leading organisations working in this area and listened to their expertise. We'll signpost to their excellent work for those who want more information, but this guide serves as a starter kit - an entry point for parents and carers who want to talk to their children but need a bit of support to understand the issues and to start a conversation.

The overriding message you'll see from our focus group is talk early, talk often. You might be surprised how early our young people felt parents need to start the conversation. But children want an age‑appropriate conversation that evolves over time in line with their growing maturity.

My advice to parents and carers is to create the culture before the crisis. Children have told us they want their mums and dads to create a safe, judgment‑free space for them to talk about these issues. It's better to do that before you hit a problem rather than trying to create that mood while you're dealing with one.

It takes a lot of bravery for a child to share their experiences of abuse or harassment. Parents and carers are telling me they want to match that bravery in getting to grips with these issues. Things that might feel uncomfortable to begin with, will feel less so over time. Parents and carers need to grasp the nettle as they support their children navigating this complex part of growing up. Our children have told us it's what they want. This guide will help you get there.

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Talking to your child about online sexual harassment: A guide for parents | Children's Commissioner for England

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Since March 2020, thousands of young women have been sharing their experiences of sexual harassment through the 'Everyone's Invited' project. This is an online platform where girls ‑ who are still mostly in school - have described growing up in a world where harassment, including sexualised comments, slut‑shaming and the sharing of nude pictures, is part of their everyday lives.

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This padlet contains lots of useful links and support for covering RSE topics with your children following a Parents Talk from Alice Hoyle. Or you maybe a professional using this padlet to find useful resources for parents (if a professional working with parents please don't share this padlet link directly with parents).

You don't have to use all the resources and may feel some wouldn't work for your family. This is fine- they are all provided as a pick and mix of things that you may find useful in your journey supporting your children's relationship and sex education.

Thank you for making the time to pop by and have a look.  Please contact Alice Hoyle if you need further help and support. Alice.t.hoyle@gmail.com

https://www.alicehoyle.com

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Fab website for under 13's parents and educators exploring all aspects of relationships and sex education. Very American but so useful! (Also has translations in other languages)

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We've updated our web site!

Click on a language button or your country to view options. After visiting your language / country page our website will remember your preference when you return.
What's New

CLOSE

We use cookies to ensure that we give the best experience on our web site. You may configure your browser to refuse cookies although some features might not work properly. Read more in our Terms & Privacy.

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AMAZE - Age appropriate puberty and sex education videos

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AMAZE takes the awkward out of sex ed and growing up. Real info in fun, animated sex education videos that give you the answers you actually want to know.

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https://www.icash.nhs.uk/media/sesbmfqs/so-what-is-a-vulva-anyway-final-booklet.pdf

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Curriculum design tool (age and stage appropriate sex ed)

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Curriculum design tool (age and stage appropriate sex ed)

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Sex Education forum Curriculum design tool which includes a lifecourse approach to relationships and sex education: https://www.sexeducationforum.org.uk/sites/default/files/field/attachment/SEF_Curriculum%20Design%202018.pdf

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You've helped bring our Pantosaurus book to life

In February 2020, we launched our first ever crowdfunding campaign to create a book about Pantosaurus.

This fun and important storybook will help families and schools have simple conversations to help keep children safe from sexual abuse - in an engaging, visual way.

Thanks to amazing supporters like you, we raised £46,440 to help us create this essential book. You can get your copy from August 2021. All profits from the sale of this book will support the NSPCC's vital work, fighting for every childhood.

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In February 2020, we launched our first ever crowdfunding campaign to create a book about Pantosaurus. This fun and important storybook will help families and schools have simple conversations to help keep children safe from sexual abuse - in an engaging, visual way.

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https://www.alicehoyle.co.uk/for-parents.html

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1. Explore your own attitudes and values to relationships and sex. Explore your feelings around relationships and sex. How was your sex education from home and school? What could have been better?...

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•Taking care of me

•Taking care of you

•Having an equal say

•Learning as we go

Ditty from Jenny Walsh based on the work of Moira Carmody.

From a practical guide to love sex and relationships https://www.lovesexrelationships.edu.au/

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https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/relationships-sex-and-health-education-guides-for-schools

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Guides for parents of primary and secondary age pupils that schools can use to communicate with them about teaching relationships and health education.

Applies to England

Documents

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Relationships, sex and health education: guides for parents

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Guides for parents of primary and secondary age pupils that schools can use to communicate with them about teaching relationships and health education.

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https://www.sexeducationforum.org.uk/resources/frequently-asked-questions/1-what-relationships-and-sex-education

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Laying the Foundations for Healthy Sexual Development

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Laying the Foundations for Healthy Sexual Development

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How to answer "where do babies come from"

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How to answer "where do babies come from"

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AmazeJr Parents: Where Do Babies Come From? - amaze / USA

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You are now leaving AMAZE.org. Content beyond this site might not be appropriate for young adolescents.

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AmazeJr Parents: How Are Babies Made? - amaze / USA

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You are now leaving AMAZE.org. Content beyond this site might not be appropriate for young adolescents.

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A mum trying to outwit her daughter who has faked starting her period. Can be a funny one to watch to start a discussion on how you want to handle the first period together. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEcZmT0fiNM

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Think about age appropriate explanations but also how confusing euphemisms can be. Top tip:ask first- what do you think it means?

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Great RSE for parents and other educators. has 75 members. This group aims to support educators (including parents, carers, teachers, youth workers, school nurses) with content and discussions from...

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Life Course Approach to Healthy Sexual Development

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Life Course Approach to Healthy Sexual Development

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Short comedy video covering many elements to RSE,
•https://www.truetube.co.uk/film/screwball

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A comedy drama for SRE (or RSE) lessons about Ryan and Natalie - two young people struggling through their first sexual encounter, and having to deal with each other's expectations, a shiny trumpet and way too many cats. It's ideal for opening up discussion about consent, peer pressure and the internet's influence on relationships.

A film by Adam Tyler.

Adam Tyler (who wrote and directed the film) won the Writer category of the BAFTA Children's Awards 2017.

Alhaji Fofana (Ryan) won the Performer category at the BAFTA Children's Awards 2017

Savannah Baker (Natalie) was also nominated in the Performer category.

Winner of the Educational Film Award at the Learning on Screen Awards 2018

Winner of the Children's Award at the Sandford St Martin Trust Awards 2018

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A comedy drama for SRE (or RSE) lessons about Ryan and Natalie - two young people struggling through their first sexual encounter, and having to deal with each other's expectations, a shiny trumpet and way too many cats. It's ideal for opening up discussion about consent, peer pressure and the internet's influence on relationships.

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Great Relationships and Sex Education. 200+ actvities for educators working with young people.

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Great Relationships and Sex Education. 200+ actvities for educators working with young people.

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https://www.amazon.co.uk/Relationships-Education-Lesson-Ideas-Century/dp/0815393636

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Books About bodies

Sigrun Dainelsdottir Your body is brilliant - body respect for children

Rosie HAIM it isn't rude to be nude

Jessica Sanders love your body

Tessa Vanuti Sanderson Ruby Luna's curious journey

Books about body safety education

Gabi Garcia listening to my body

Jayneen Sanders No means No

Kate and Rod Power My Underpants Rule

Jayneen Sanders Some secrets should never be kept

Jayneen Sanders My body what I say goes

Zack and Kimberly King I said no the kid to kid guide to keeping private parts private

Jayneen Sanders let's talk about body boundaries consent and respect.

Hilary Leung Will ladybug hug?

LGBT + inclusive books

Vanda Carter if I had 100 mummies

Cheryl Davis my princess boy

Joe Hurst a house for everyone

Sarah Savage and fox Fisher are you a boy or are you a girl

Jessica Walton introducing teddy

Perez Hilton the boy with pink hair

Sarah and Ian Hoffman Jacob's new dress

Linda de Haan & Stern Nijland King and King

Books about puberty

Babette Cole The Mummy never told me with that

Cole hair In Funny Places

usborne lift the flap questions and answers about growing up books about what makes a baby

Books about making babies

Cory Silverberg What makes a baby?

Mick Manning and Brita Cranston How did I begin?

Babette Cole Mummy laid an egg

Nicholas Allen Where willy went

books for older children about sex

Walker books let's Talk About Sex growing up changing bodies and sexual health

Cory Silverberg sex is a funny word

www.amaze.org website

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There really is no such thing as a 'normal' vulva. Like so many areas of our body, vulvas come in lots of different shapes, sizes and colours. The labia can hang down or be barely visible.

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15 Domains of Healthy Sexual Development

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15 Domains of Healthy Sexual Development

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https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/19317610903393043

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15 Domains of Healthy Sexual Development

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15 Domains of Healthy Sexual Development

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The laying the foundations document evolved from this work https://www.rsehub.org.uk/resources/15-domains-of-healthy-sexual-development/

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RSE- The Evidence

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Children and young people’s views on learning about on learning about sex and relationships | NSPCC Learning

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Read our literature review for an insight into children’s different experiences of learning about relationships, sex and sexuality and how sex education can better match their lived experience.

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The Birds and the Bees (Chase) | Parents Explain | Cut

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RSE for Disabled pupils and pupils with special educational needs

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RSE for Disabled pupils and pupils with special educational needs

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Childrens Commissioner Report- Young people and pornography 

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Childrens Commissioner Report- Young people and pornography 

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This paper, the first in a series of research reports, makes clear the urgent need to protect children from the harms of online pornography. It is my duty as Children's Commissioner to champion young people's views and voices, and to ensure that all children enjoy the freedom to grow up safely and happily, both online and in the real world.

This report does not make for easy reading, but nor should it. I truly believe that we will look back in 20 years and be shocked by the content to which children were exposed.

Throughout my career as school-leader I have witnessed the harmful impact of pornography on young people. I will never forget the girl who told me about her first kiss with her boyfriend, aged 12, who strangled her. He had seen it in pornography and thought it normal.

Let me be absolutely clear: online pornography is not equivalent to a 'top-shelf' magazine. The adult content which parents may have accessed in their youth could be considered 'quaint' in comparison to today's world of online pornography. Depictions of degradation, sexual coercion, aggression and exploitation are commonplace, and disproportionately targeted against teenage girls.

I am deeply concerned about the normalisation of sexual violence in online pornography, and the role that this plays in shaping children's understanding of sex and relationships.

Between 2021-22 I led a Government-commissioned review into online sexual harassment and abuse, which involved speaking to children and young people about peer-perpetrated sexual violence. Young people told me, in unequivocal terms, that harmful behaviour is directly influenced by violent pornography.

This report draws together research from focus groups with teenagers aged 13-19 and a survey of 1,000 young people aged 16-21. Of the 64% who said that they had ever seen online pornography:

We find that pornography exposure is widespread and normalised - to the extent that children cannot 'opt-out'. The average age at which children first see pornography is 13. By age nine, 10% had seen pornography, 27% had seen it by age 11 and half of children who had seen pornography had seen it by age 13.

We also find that young people are frequently exposed to violent pornography, depicting coercive, degrading or pain-inducing sex acts; 79% had encountered violent pornography before the age of 18. Young people expressed concern about the implications of violent pornography on their understanding of the difference between sexual pleasure and harm. Indeed, this report finds that frequent users of pornography are more likely to engage in physically aggressive sex acts.

Pornography is not confined to dedicated adult sites. We found that Twitter was the online platform where young people were most likely to have seen pornography. Fellow mainstream social networking platforms Instagram and Snapchat rank closely after dedicated pornography sites.

At the time of publication, the UK's landmark Online Safety Bill is making its way through Parliament. It holds the promise of, finally, regulating pornography sites and ensuring that they implement robust age verification to protect children. Now is a vital moment to ensure that we understand the impact of pornography on children's lives, and to legislate for a commensurate response.
My thanks
I would like to thank the young people who participated in this research for their time, honesty and bravery in talking about this difficult subject. I very much hope that your voices will inform the development of legislation and regulation and will make the online world a safer place.

I urge every adult reader in responsible position - whether politician or policymaker, parent or teacher - to listen and take seriously the views of young people contained within this report. It is crucial that we do not miss the opportunity to make the internet safe for all children, today and in the future.

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'A lot of it is actually just abuse'- Young people and pornography | Children's Commissioner for England

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This paper, the first in a series of research reports, makes clear the urgent need to protect children from the harms of online pornography. It is my duty

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RSE reources for children young people and adults with Downs Syndrome

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RSE reources for children young people and adults with Downs Syndrome

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The resource is suitable for adults aged 18 and over. The training resource is made up of 8 different sessions covering:

Rights

Consent

Privacy and boundaries

Sexual acts

Sexuality, gender and safe sex

Relationships

Online safety and self esteem

Recap session

The training package is designed to be facilitated by those who purchase the resource, such as a care provider, a local authority, support group or a parent or carer, who will use the resource to deliver eight sessions covering all aspects of Relationships and Sex.

What you will receive
Trainer's guide - a comprehensive guide for facilitators, explaining how to run each session and outlining additional resources for you to use with participants.
Downloads for:

Eight sets of accessible slides, one set for each topic and the revision session

Accessible activity resources for participants

Accessible easy read workbooks for each session

Accessible easy read course evaluations to monitor understanding and progress

The pilot
The training resource has been piloted by New Key, a care provider in the South West of England. The participants said:
"I enjoyed the course and have found most of it easy to understand."
"I have learnt that it is OK to say no."
"I have learnt not to tell the bus driver about my sex life."

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Relationships & Sex Education - Downs Syndrome Association

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The resource is suitable for adults aged 18 and over. The training resource is made up of 8 different sessions covering: Rights Consent Privacy and boundaries Sexual acts Sexuality, gender and safe sex Relationships Online safety and self esteem Recap session The training package is designed to be facilitated by those who purchase the resource, such as a care provider, a local authority, support group or a parent or carer, who will use the resource to deliver eight sessions covering all aspects of Relationships and Sex.

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CPD videos and useful videos for parents from Supported Loving 

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CPD videos and useful videos for parents from Supported Loving 

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https://www.choicesupport.org.uk/supported-loving-webinars

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Webinar 6: Should I tell them that? Developing relationship and sex education (RSE) for people you support

This webinar helps you to explore key themes and prepare for successful delivery of inclusive, reflective and responsive RSE, tailored to the needs of people you support. The two presenters and their contact details are:

Nigel Hodges - Nigel worked as a community learning disability nurse for 31+ years and is now semi-retired. He currently works with young men and adults with learning disabilities in school, college or work environments - either individually or in groups - around their relationship and sexuality issues, as well as offering support and training for the staff who support them.

Gillian Leno - Gill leads RSE provision in a specialist college, developing and delivering RSE for a wide range of people, including her students (young adults aged 16-25) and their parents, as well as training and supporting staff. She is responsible for safeguarding and passionate about ensuring that this is proactive.

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Webinar 6: Should I tell them that? Developing relationship and sex education (RSE) for people you support This webinar helps you to explore key themes and prepare for successful delivery of inclusive, reflective and responsive RSE, tailored to the needs of people you support.

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Race for Friendship

In aid of our upcoming Learning for Life series, Caring Friendships, we held a dragon boat racing fundraiser!

Our trustees led the charge, and raised an incredible £14,400 for Learn and Thrive.

A challenging day, but filled with fun! Watch the video to see how it went, and to hear about the difference Learn and Thrive makes for children and young people with Down's syndrome.

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Down's syndrome charity, supporting learners with Down's syndrome to access specialist support to help them learn and thrive. FREE digital tools and video learning empowers people with Down's syndrome to thrive throughout their lives.

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It can be difficult to talk to your child about sex and sexuality, particularly if they are autistic. It may take your child a little longer to process or pick up on certain concepts. They may struggle with understanding 'appropriate' behaviour when it comes to sex and relationships.
To help you with this, we've put together some ideas for talking to your child about puberty, sex, sexuality and relationships, as well as links to some useful resources.

When to talk to your child about puberty, sex, sexuality and relationships

School classes address puberty, sex, sexuality and relationships at an age-appropriate level. Find out what your child's school will be teaching, and when. By working with the school, you will help to ensure consistency between school and home explanations.

You might decide that these lessons are paced inappropriately for your child. Perhaps they progress too fast and assume too much prior knowledge, or don't start at an early enough age. Autistic children often need a longer period of time to adjust to and understand any changes in their lives.

Your child may do things that will be considered inappropriate as an adolescent or adult, eg removing their clothes at unexpected moments. It may be easier to address these behaviours before puberty begins.

Talking about puberty

How to talk to your child about puberty

Answer honestly any questions your child has about puberty and their body. This will help your child to learn that puberty is not something to be embarrassed about and that they can trust you to give them the right information. If you are unsure of the right answer, it is better to say that you are unsure. Your child may be confused if your answer is not clear.

Your child might ask a question at an inappropriate moment. You could develop a standard response, which everyone in the family can use, such as 'That's a good question. Let's talk about it once we get home'. Remember to deal with the question when you get home or your child may be reluctant to ask you questions again.

Your GP or practice nurse may be able to help, especially if your child will only be satisfied with an accurate, full and scientific answer. Involving the GP or practice nurse may help your child to feel comfortable talking to them about their bodies in the future, eg about sexual health or contraception.

Language

Be careful how you use language. Saying that your son's voice is "breaking" may be very worrying for an autistic child, who may take it literally. Instead you could say that your voice is changing and likely to become deeper. You could then refer to their father's/uncle's/older brother's voices and explain that men's voices are usually deeper than women's.

You may want to explain that there are different names for private body parts, and that the words you are using might be different to words your child might hear in the playground. You could explain that they should not feel they need to join in with playground conversations about private body parts if they don't want to.

Private/public

While you are talking to your children about puberty and sex, you may also need to provide some guidelines about the difference between public and private.

These may include:

who they can talk to about any concerns they have, eg mum, dad, the GP and school nurse

which rooms are private and which are public

that they should only undress or masturbate in a private room (eg their bedroom)

that people should always knock on a bedroom door before entering (you will need to make sure that everyone who visits your home is aware of this rule).

Explaining physical development

You could use visual supports to explain the basics of development, such as:

photos - you could show your child photos of themselves as a baby and toddler, and of yourself or other family members at different ages, to help your child to understand about when puberty happens in a person's life

a body outline, labelling all of the body parts, and highlighting how each part will change, and talking about what fluids come from each part - sweat, tears, urine, semen, menstrual blood, vaginal discharge.

Encourage your children to feel positive about these changes by talking about some of the advantages of being an adolescent and adult, eg you can make your own decisions about how to have your hair cut, you can vote - whatever will appeal to your child.

Menstruation (periods)

You daughter may need reassurance that menstruation is a normal biological process, and that she will not bleed to death. Tell your daughter who to go to at school if she gets her period while there. Your daughter could carry a small notebook around with her with information or reassurance for those moments when you will not be there. This will also encourage independence and could be used in various ways throughout her life.

Show your daughter how to use sanitary products, pointing out any particular features which might help her to remember how to use them correctly. Put sanitary products in a particular drawer in your daughter's bedroom, or in the bathroom, so she can be reassured that they will always be there when she needs them.

You could use a calendar to help your daughter to understand when her period is due. This may help her to feel less anxious. Alternatively, a period tracking app for her tablet or smartphone may be more subtle and could promote independence.

Masturbation

Be prepared to talk about masturbation with your child so that they do not develop any anxieties about what they are doing. Reassure them that masturbation is a normal activity.

It is important that your child knows know how to clean themselves, if necessary, after masturbation. You could perhaps supply tissues/wet wipes or an appropriate towel. You may want your child to tell you if bedclothes need changing. If your child would find this difficult, you could introduce a symbol or hand signal that they could use to let you know. You could also choose a specific day each week for bedclothes and sheets washing.

Body image

You may need to be careful that your child does not develop an unrealistic view of what their body or other people's bodies should look like. Some children and teenagers may look at the images in the media and social media and believe that their body will look like those, or they may think that their body will look just like the bodies in the visual materials you have used. Stress that all bodies are a bit different and that's ok.

Personal hygiene

Address personal hygiene issues as your child approaches puberty. Prepare your child for the need to wash more often, for shaving and for using deodorants. You will need to explain how to do these things, as well as the social rules determining why we do them. A social storyTM might be useful here.

If your child already has an established routine or tick list for their morning schedule, washing themselves, changing their clothes or their bed sheets, you could perhaps adjust it to include the use of deodorants, showering every day, shaving every other day and so on.

Relationships and sex

Relationships

Your child might need help to understand social interaction in order to sustain a relationship. You may need to discuss why some people get married or choose to live permanently with one person. You could explain these things by discussing your relationship with your partner or those of other family members.

This could be supported visually by drawing stick figures, or using photographs, of each significant person in this individual's life, including themselves, their family members, support workers, teachers and doctors, if appropriate. You may want to use a different piece of paper for each person. The pictures should be placed in the middle of the paper and connections should be made to a variety of drawings, words or photographs that surround this person. These other pictures or words should symbolise this person's role for the individual concerned and perhaps other members of the family.

You could change the person in the centre from the autistic person to mum, dad or a sibling, as this may help your child to understand how other people view the relationships in the family. You may want to discuss another family that is different from your own - perhaps one headed by a single parent or vice versa, a family with two same sex partners or vice versa etc.

Sensory differences

Because of your child's sensory differences, they may be worried about the idea of hugging or kissing in future relationships. Reinforce that when it comes to relationships, they should only do what they are comfortable with.

Sexual health

You will need to discuss smear tests, contraception, and sexually transmitted infections. You may want to use a social storyTM to explain visits to the doctor or nurse.

Staying safe and appropriate behaviour

Staying safe

You could use a social storyTM to describe a situation where another person may act inappropriately towards the autistic person, and where they can tell someone about it, eg a parent or teacher.

Your child needs to know how to stay safe online. The NSPCC provides advice and tools about this, which you can read in our 'More information' section below.

'Inappropriate' behaviour

It is often non-autistic individuals who have decided this behaviour is inappropriate. Autism may affect a person's ability to understand what is considered to be socially appropriate behaviour and to imagine what other people might feel or be about to do. A behaviour might have a very significant and specific meaning for them which isn't 'just being rude' or sexually motivated.

For example, if an autistic person touches or brushes against a particular woman's breasts every time they meet, this could be because:

this is a routine action they have developed to work out what mood that person is in today, finding it difficult to glean this from a person's facial expressions and body language

they like the reaction they get - the shock on the person's face, or the verbal response which follows

they got sensory stimulation the first time they brushed against the woman's body, and want to repeat this

they may be curious about what that part of a person's body feels like and are acting on an impulse.

If an autistic person kisses someone unexpectedly, this could be because:

they have seen two people kissing on the television and think the other person will react the way the person they saw being kissed did

they think the other person wants to kiss, because they themselves want to kiss.

It can be hard to break the cycle of inappropriate behaviour. Here are some strategies you could try.

Behaviour diaries

Completing a behaviour diary, which records what is occurring before, during and after the behaviour, could help you to understand the purpose of the behaviour. A diary may be completed over a couple of weeks or longer if needed. This may be difficult to do if the behaviour is particularly unpleasant for the individual or those around them but it is an important stage in understanding and trying to solve the behaviour. Please note that while it is understandable that the immediate reaction to a person's behaviours could be negative and comprise feelings of shock or alarm, a calm reaction and level tone should be maintained if at all possible.

Social storiesTM and comic strip conversations

Using a social storyTM or comic strip conversation could help you to discover how the person viewed the situation and to describe what they should have done in that situation, eg "we greet people by shaking their hand".

"It's alright"

Draw a table with a list of people and activities such as holding hands and kissing on the mouth. Ask whether the different activities are alright or not with different sets of people for example family members, strangers, teachers and pupils. A tick/cross or yes/no can be placed in each box depending on what the person thinks, or what you tell them.

More information

Your next steps

Find out more about what help and support is available.

Contact the NSPCC 24-hour helpline if you are concerned about a child's safety.
Phone: 0808 800 5000
Email: help@nspcc.org.uk

Visit the Respond  website, which provides advice on issues of sexual abuse, sexual offending and learning disabilities.

The words 'Social Story' and 'Social Stories' are trademarks originated and owned by  Carol Gray. All rights reserved.

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A guide for parents and carers on talking to their autistic child about sex and sexuality.

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Online Pornography and illegal content an easy read guide

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Online Pornography and illegal content an easy read guide

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Buy The Autism-Friendly Guide to Periods Illustrated by Robyn Steward (ISBN: 9781785923241) from Amazon's Book Store. Everyday low prices and free delivery on eligible orders.

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free printable worksheets aids and resources

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free autism materials for all children incl. autism

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Free education materials, free workbooks, Pre-k, kindergartern, life skills, free aba resources, including special education, flashcards, free visual recipes,

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Jessica Kingsley publishers produce lots of useful SEND and RSE books including the Tom and Ellie books

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Jessica Kingsley publishers produce lots of useful SEND and RSE books including the Tom and Ellie books

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Sarah Attwood, author of Making Sense of Sex

Thankfully, we have reached a point where society recognizes that all people, including those with a developmental disorder such as autism, are sexual beings who have a right to knowledge and to be safe. But there are aspects of sexuality that are challenging and not easy to teach. These attractively illustrated books, with their clear, anatomically correct pictures and simple, unambiguous text, deal bravely with these topics and will facilitate discussion and learning. They will be a very welcome addition to the bookshelves of families who have an adolescent boy on the autism spectrum.

Ioannis Voskopoulos-Labrini Ioannou, psychologist

This series is perfect for use in sex education classes. An excellent and very helpful choice for professionals working with people with ASD!

Dr Helen McCabe, Executive Director, The Five Project for International Autism and Disability Support (www.thefiveproject.org), US

The Tom books about privacy and puberty for boys on the autism spectrum are a wonderful resource for families and young people with ASD. Each of the books addresses a range of relevant topics, to promote safety and healthy practices that will ensure better inclusion in society for boys and men on the spectrum. I have met hundreds of parents and teachers who often find that these issues related to puberty are in most urgent need of being addressed - finally, books that help us help our sons, brothers, students, and friends!

Debbie Elley, Co-editor

AuKids Magazine

What's Happening to Tom? Tom Needs to Go and Thins Tom Likes are aimed specifically at young boys with autism to help them understand their developing sexuality and to behave in ways that are socially appropriate and will keep them safe... These short hardback books have bold, friendly information on each page with a full colour illustration opposite. This honesty, straightforward approach is exactly what autistic boys growing up need.

Debby Elley, Co-editor

AuKids Magazine

Full marks to author and mum Kate Reynolds and illustrator Jonathon Powell for tackling a tricky subject with such style and humour. Their set of three books - What's Happening to Tom?, Tom Needs to Go and T hings Tom Likes are aimed specifically at young boys with autism to help them understand their developing sexuality and to behave in ways that are socially appropriate and will keep them safe... The books act as a visual guide... An honest approach like this will help them to learn quickly and to ask you questions without any sense of shame or embarrassment.

HealthyBooks

In simple and unambiguous text and bright pictures, often explicit, we see Tom beginning to grow up. First he notices hair in different places, then he gets spots, his voice begins to change, and he needs to shower every day and use deodorant...while aimed at those who are autistic, the book will be useful to others with learning difficulties because of its avoidance of euphemisms and the explicit qualities in the illustrations. Highly visual.

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Tom notices that his body is changing. Tom's voice is different and hair is growing in new places. There are other changes happening too. Tom learns that he has started growing into a man.

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The cycle of self esteem is found within explore dream discover which is a fab pack

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Unprotected,overprotected:meeting the needs of young people withlearning disabilities who experience, orare at risk of, sexual exploitation 

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Unprotected,overprotected:meeting the needs of young people withlearning disabilities who experience, orare at risk of, sexual exploitation 

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Danny Dyer, Phil Wang & More STUNNED by Sex Ed Clip!! | Let's Talk About Sex