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Crossing the Line: Sexual Harassment at School

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Sexual harassment and assault limits students from accessing a safe and respectful school environment – impairing learning and impacting mental and physical health and wellbeing.

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November 1993 | Volume 51 | Number 3
Character Education Pages 96-97

Edward J. Mentell

Schools must stop ignoring "adolescent behavior" and do their part to eradicate unacceptable talk and actions.

Sexual harassment has been taking place in the schools for years, but only recently has it begun to get the attention it deserves. Some have called such attention an overreaction to normal adolescent behavior, but sexual harassment can inflict deep psychological damage on young people. Two recent incidents have made it clear to me that as educators we must do something to stop it.

A few weeks ago, I was patrolling the cafeteria when Jane, a 7th grader, approached me. "Joey's bothering me; tell him to stop it," she complained. I was about to tell her to ignore it, when my mouth formed the words "What's the problem?" Only with great reluctance, she told me that Joey was spreading a story that she had been to the hospital to get a hot dog removed from her vagina (not the word the boy used).

Joey had not been alone in harassing the young lady. After I talked with the boys involved and notified their parents, the boys delivered a letter of apology to Jane. Jane told them how upset she was to have such a story told about her. Although the boys were not being intentionally hateful, they were ignorant of how their actions were affecting her. They needed to be taught how to decide what comments were appropriate. The harassment occurred partly because they were adolescents and not aware of the rules that govern sexual interactions.

In another recent incident, several boys and girls began calling another girl "ho" (whore), "slut," and "bitch" and started spreading the rumor that she had AIDS. Although the children have now stopped their taunts, she has not forgotten the pain.

A study by the American Association of University Women indicates that 85 percent of girls and 76 percent of boys in grades 8-11 have experienced some form of sexual harassment. In fact, 65 percent of girls and 42 percent of boys have actually been touched, grabbed, or pinched in a sexual way in school (AAUW 1993).

That school systems have a responsibility to ensure that each student can attend school in a safe environment has been made clear by recent court decisions. The Supreme Court reinforced this responsibility when it ruled in February 1992 that students could sue and collect damages for harassment under Title IX of the Education Act of 1972. Students are making use of that right. For example, an 8th grade student in Petaluma, California, filed a lawsuit against her school district for failing to end harassment by her classmates. The suit was settled for $20,000 (Adler 1992).

Guidelines for Administrators

The responsibility for preserving an appropriate learning environment rests primarily with school administrators. Administrators can take several steps to help eliminate sexual harassment in their schools.

1. Make the elimination of sexual harassment a top priority. Empower teachers to take a stand against inappropriate name-calling and sexual comments. Talk about the problem, hold inservices, and bring in guest speakers to show the entire staff that this issue is important and that harassment is not acceptable adolescent behavior. Elicit staff participation in developing and implementing a plan to educate themselves, the students, and the parents about sexual harassment.

2. Educate students about sexual harassment. Students must be taught the difference between friendly teasing and bullying, between flirting and harassment. Behavior expectations must be clearly defined and explained; fair and consistent consequences need to be outlined and reinforced.

3. Get parents involved. Parental involvement is critical to long-term behavior modification. In many cases, parents will need to be educated about sexual harassment and its harmful effects in order to help them identify harassment and respond appropriately. When harassment occurs, parents of victims and perpetrators need to be informed of the details so that the emotional and developmental needs of both parties can be addressed. Family involvement and possibly outside counseling may be needed to avoid long-term emotional damage and to modify inappropriate behavior.

4. Teach students how to deal with harassment. Ignoring the situation can often lead to a cycle of ongoing harassment and victimization. A perpetrator gets an emotional payoff from seeing others afraid and upset. Students must learn to be assertive and establish strong personal boundaries. They must tell their classmates to stop when their behavior is offensive and inappropriate. Bystanders, too, must speak out against harassment when it occurs. If students become moral spectators, there is little hope for change.

If harassment continues, students need to seek help from teachers, counselors, and administrators. Students are often embarrassed to report sexual harassment because of its degrading nature. They need to know that the harassment is not their fault, nor is it a reflection on them. They need to keep asking for help until the harassment stops; it may take two or three interventions before the behavior is modified. That students continue to seek help is in the best interests of all: unresolved conflicts can emotionally damage the victim, harden the consciousness of the perpetrator, and possibly lead to lawsuits for the school system.

Just as a lifeguard listens and looks for the signs of swimmers in danger, administrators must be on constant vigil to protect students from the needless suffering of sexual harassment. School personnel must never turn a deaf ear to students' seemingly trivial cries for help. Sexual harassment is not something young people need to learn to tolerate. Rather, it must be confronted and stopped so that schools can be safe and positive places for children to learn.

References

Adler, J., and D. Rosenberg. (October 19, 1992). "Must Boys Always Be Boys?" Newsweek, 77.

The American Association of University Women. (June 1993). "Hostile Hallways: The AAUW Survey on Sexual Harassment in America's Schools." Researched by Louis Harris and Associates.

Edward J. Mentell is an Assistant Principal in the Green Bay Area School District. He can be reached at 310 Northern Ave., Green Bay, WI 54303.

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What to Do To Stop Sexual Harassment at School

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November 1993 | Volume 51 | Number 3 Character Education Pages 96-97 Edward J. Mentell Schools must stop ignoring "adolescent behavior" and do their part to eradicate unacceptable talk and actions. Sexual harassment has been taking place in the schools for years, but only recently has it begun to get the attention it deserves.

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Combating Toxic Masculinity In Our Schools - Un-Teaching Gender Stereotypes For Boys

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Today there are still articles doing the rounds about how to teach boys, or what helps in getting boys to read earlier, or whether boys' hands really do naturally hurt when... | Teachwire News

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Toxic Masculinity is Bad for Everyone in the Classroom

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Toxic Masculinity is Bad for Everyone in the Classroom

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On the first day of October 2017, a gunman in Las Vegas killed 58 concertgoers and injured more than 500 others. On the 31st, a man drove a rental truck down a bike path in New York City, killing 8 people and injuring 11 more. A few days later, a gunman walked into a church in Sutherland, Texas, and killed 26 parishioners. In a little over a month last fall, nearly a hundred people were lost to unimaginable acts of public violence. And amid the discussions of gun control and mental illness that inevitably follow tragedies like these, some pointed out that the three murderers had something in common: All were men.

As educators, we need to be ready push back against some of the more perverse ideas about gender that sometimes surface in the aftermath of violence. Seeking an explanation for the mass shootings that happen at a rate of almost one per day in the United States, we have to get away from the idea that "men are just naturally violent." Instead, we need to recognize statements like this as manifestations of " toxic masculinity," and we need to push back against these ideas and the ideology behind them.

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Toxic Masculinity Is Bad for Everyone: Why Teachers Must Disrupt Gender Norms Every Day

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Teaching Tolerance provides free resources to educators-teachers, administrators, counselors and other practitioners-who work with children from kindergarten through high school. Educators use our materials to supplement the curriculum, to inform their practices, and to create civil and inclusive school communities where children are respected, valued and welcome participants.

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A few days before I started sixth grade at a private school, I went with my mother to buy uniforms. While she beamed, I miserably pulled the green and white striped dress over my head. I clearly remember the looks from people when I wore that uniform in "public." It felt like I had a sign above my head that said, "I'm rich and a snob."

My mother, like many parents to this day, believed that uniforms were the answer to stopping social competition among students and contributing to an overall positive school atmosphere. But for the twenty years I've been teaching, I've learned that a school's dress code is much more than what it appears. It is the articulated expectations and enforceable rules created by an educational institution to reflect what it wants to "see" in its students and how it balances safety, unity and the individual rights of its students.

Before I go on, let's articulate the standard arguments to support school uniforms and dress codes:

1. Sets a standard for students that learning environments should be given respect and prepares them for a professional environment as adults.

2. Contributes to students' self-respect.

3. Decreases materialism and social competition.

4. Stops children from wearing clothes that are offensive or promote illegal or unhealthy substances like drugs and alcohol.

5. Contributes to school spirit and unity.

On its face, all of these goals are reasonable. But clothes and appearance have always been symbols of how an individual belongs within his or her community-or their opposition to that community. And a school may have good intentions but the way dress codes are enforced can mask double standards, insensitivity and bigotry. As an educator, if your school has any kind of dress code, it's critical to understand the code's complexities and your responsibilities (no matter what you personally think) and to respectfully enforce it while understanding students' overall right to be treated with dignity and to self-expression. To do this, here are my best suggestions:
Understand the role of socioeconomic class.
Dress codes are often markers of a student's socio-economic status.

Wealthier, more "traditional" schools often have dress codes that represent the privileged world they are a part of or their families aspire to attain. Middle class or more "liberal" schools have informal dress codes to increase the safe and appropriate environment of the school (how "safe" and "appropriate" are defined can be the source of misunderstanding and inequities). Many lower income schools have uniforms because it's assumed that students come from low performing schools and they need uniforms for the students to take the learning environment seriously.
Get beyond the easy answers.
Uniforms aren't the magic bullet to stop the "fashion show" competition between students. People know who has more money relative to others, either because the student boasts about it or other people talk about it. If it's important to students to show how much money their family has, they will figure out a way to show it-from their headphones, smart phones, computers, shoes or what cars their parents drive.
Avoid power struggles.
Power struggles with students about any topic are losing situations for everyone. They also go against best educational practices. Adolescents seek out challenges, are often acutely aware of power imbalances in relationships and have intense emotional reactions to those imbalances. We can't be shocked or take it personally when a kid shows up wearing something inappropriate. What we have to do is model how to respectfully speak to someone who challenges us.

Here are some guidelines.

Ideally communicate non-verbally. For example, if someone is wearing a hat in the hallway, catch their eye, touch your hand to your head. Smile and raise your eyebrows.

1. If they don't get the hint, say, "Hey I need your help with something. Can you come over here for a moment?" Your tone is light but directive. When you have some privacy tell them specifically what they're wearing that's against the dress code.

2. If the offending clothing could be construed as a political statement, ask them about it. "I'd like to know more about the shirt and why you wanted to wear it." Then, if the message they're wearing could come across as degrading to others, share your opinion about its possible impact on other students.

3. If it's endorsing a drug or alcohol message, ask them why they want to wear it. Share your concern that the student becomes a walking advertisement.

If you are a teacher and a student complains to you about another teacher always getting them in trouble for being out of dress code, here's what you can say to the student.
If someone talks to you about being out of dress code, do what they say. If you feel that they have been rude to you, I still want you to do what they say but then tell me and/or tell the administrator you trust the most. But if you're genuinely confused about why, or what you're wearing is important to you and it's not communicating something rude or degrading about someone else, you have the right to respectfully ask why you are in violation. If you feel strongly about this, you can research your rights about freedom of expression in schools and bring that to the administration. You may not get what you want but it's important to know your rights and I will support that. Understand how gender affects how the dress code is applied.
The way boys and girls get in trouble for violating dress code is different and girls are disproportionately targeted for disobeying it. In addition, young people who don't conform or challenge gender norms can also be easily targeted. The question needs to be asked: If a student does not conform to traditional gender roles in their clothing, does that truly contribute to an unsafe learning environment or is he or she exposing the intolerance of others? Whose right is more important to protect-someone's right to be themselves that doesn't hurt other people or other people's bigotry?

Boys most often get in trouble for wearing clothes that are "disrespectful." When you ask adults to give examples of what this disrespect looks like, the response is almost always, "baggy pants worn down to their knees." Or they use the word "urban" (i.e. stereotypical black) although I've heard the word "ghetto" used as well-which is clearly racist. Far too many adults start the interaction with boys by using their adult power to dominate them and any resistance is seen as defiance and cause for punishment.

In contrast to boys, girls often get in trouble for presenting themselves as too sexual. Girls who go through puberty earlier and/or are more developed are also disproportionately targeted. Yes, a girl with a developed body can be distracting but that doesn't mean the students around her should be held to such a low standard that they aren't expected to treat her respectfully. Adult reaction to these girls can be extremely counterproductive if they think shaming the girls for being "slutty"* is the appropriate response. Further, it contributes to the dynamic where adults teach girls and boys that girls are responsible and therefore to be blamed if others say and do sexually degrading things to them. It's a mixed message and a missed educational opportunity to not acknowledge and educate girls and boys about the constant hyper-sexualized messages girls receive and how that influences what they choose to wear.

No matter what you do in a school or who you are (I believe men can and should have these conversations), here's a suggested script to speak with girls:
This is difficult to speak about with you but it's important to me that I do. You are getting into trouble for violating the dress code and we have to address that. But way more important to me than the dress code is you. You are a smart young woman with a lot to contribute to this world. Like all young women, you're growing up in a world that dismisses your opinions and rights by trying to convince you that the most important thing about you is your physical appearance. Obviously, you are so much more than that. I want you to be proud and comfortable with how you look. But I also want you to be proud and comfortable about who you are beyond that. Can you think about what is most important in how you want to present yourself? Can you put your clothes that you like and that are within the dress code on one side of the closet and your other clothes on the other side? Creating a positive environment.
As a teacher or school administrator, I know that one of your priorities is to set up a positive environment in which young people can and want to learn. It is not in anyone's best interest to make students feel uncomfortable, angry, awkward or ashamed of who they are. My advice is to be clear about what your dress code is, why the rules are in place and have a thoughful justification for them. Then communicate that to students with precision, strength and a well-articulated rationale. Be consistent in your approach. And when the dress code is violated, be kind, accepting and make sure students understand why. They may not agree but they will feel respected and hopefully that respect will be returned.

*Note that while this word is used frequently, it highlights the inherent bias in labeling women's sexual identity.

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The Unspoken Messages of Dress Codes: Uncovering Bias and Power

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A few days before I started sixth grade at a private school, I went with my mother to buy uniforms. While she beamed, I miserably pulled the green and white striped dress over my head. I clearly remember the looks from people when I wore that uniform in "public."

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Many dress codes unfairly target students in certain populations, doing more harm than good. This guide will help you review and revise your current policy.

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How Dress Codes criminalize males and sexualize females of color  

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How Dress Codes criminalize males and sexualize females of color  

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How dress codes criminalize males and sexualize females of color - kappanonline.org

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Too often, school dress codes are enforced in ways that disproportionately impact students of color - both male and female. "I am aware of what makes me feel uncomfortable. If what I wear bothers someone else, it says more about them than me."

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Ted Talk on Eliminating Toxic Masculinity

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Ted Talk on Eliminating Toxic Masculinity

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Let's Get Rid of Toxic Masculinity | Victor Rios | TEDxUCSB

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The problem is that everybody who is being sexually harassed is not speaking up.

Some people sexually harass others, not knowing what they have done. Some cases are accidents.

The bottom line is: sexual harassment is wrong, and kids need to know. We need assemblies or classes on this.

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Sexism against men is a form of misogyny. Toxic masculinity requires that anything deemed "feminine" must be cut away from males.