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Kinda weird space of being Asian/Filipinx but not being enough and vice versa with being American

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Privilege- I don't experience discrimination generally about my racial identity

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Privilege- I don't experience discrimination generally about my racial identity

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went back home to the philippines last summer and worry about how long it will be until i can see my family there again with COVID. especially fam in the province with fewer resources

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I've been lucky. I haven't experienced too much discrimination, but I do distinctly remember being stared at/watched when I was in a store in Central CA with my dad and sis maybe about 10 years ago...

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super sensitive to how folks view me or what others might think of me.. always comparing myself to others, following how my parents would try to motivate me to work harder

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I was not really aware of my racial identity very much as a kid, but became more present in high school and adulthood.

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I was not really aware of my racial identity very much as a kid, but became more present in high school and adulthood.

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never learned about Filipino history or culture at school even though there are so many Filipinos in CA

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I have only been here in the US for a few yrs (4 yrs and 5 mos) which makes me still identify greatly as a Filipino. It has been a struggle for myself to engage in issues of both countries, but I try my best to be informed. I personally reflect on how I handle my acknowledgment of pressing issues both in the US and in the Philippines and I know that I have been more, although trying to be balanced, informed about the issues in the Philippines for obvious reasons. I am grateful for all the resource such as this group to open me about discussions to inform me more about the US in general.

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never really identified as "asian american" or even "american" growing up.

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This sounds bad, but I don't think I was super aware of being different (i.e. Filipinx/brown) until I was maybe like 11 or 12.

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As a Filipina-American, I sometimes feel sad or even ashamed at how much more "Americanized" I am in comparison to other Filipino peers, friends, or family. I also feel disappointed in that I am more knowledgeable and aware about things going on here than in the Philippines, although I still refer to the Philippines as home. I think as a Filipina, I struggle with feeling fully worthy of my racial and ethnic identities, which I think is so unfair to myself. I believe I feel this way because of how deeply rooted I am in the societal structure that has and continues to label me by the stereotypes about and generalizations made about Filipinos in general. I think it is not embarrassment but more uncertainty that I feel about what it means to be Filipino-American versus what it means to me and what I define that as. As I have grown older, the way I perceive my identities has definitely evolved, but I think at the core, what brings me comfort is knowing that I am proud to be Filipina-American, rather than an "Americanized" Filipino.