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Eventually, children need to respect the needs of others. They can only do that when their own feelings are also taken into account as well.  But they can also only learn to do it when they are taught that other people also have needs. Only when we learn to manage this balance between our own needs and those of others can we have genuinely satisfying, intimate relationships with other people. And we can only learn to manage them through careful, kind and supportive guidance from others, who we know also love us.

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We are programmed to be entitled at an early stage of life, but we are also programmed to gradually develop the capacity to recognize that other people have needs. This growth cannot be forced before a child has the internal ability to understand; but we can all gradually learn, through experiences with our parents and other people who love and care about us, to manage our needs to be special.

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Often individuals who have been mistreated or disrespected exhibit a sense of entitlement when they start to feel that they deserve better than they have been getting. This is part of a healthy shift towards self-respect. Yet they, too, eventually need to find a way to balance self-respect with respect for others.

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Entitlement, or sense that we have the right to have something, can be a healthy expectation. It is, for example, a normal part of a child’s psychological development to think that he or she is the center of the world. Sometimes called healthy narcisism or egocentrism, it is part of how a child views the world in the early stages of cognotive and emotional development. However, as my client said, it is part of a parent’s task to help his children begin to recognize that while his own self is important, it is also equally important to recognize and respect the rights of others.

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Security and Justice drive many of today’s violent conflicts, just as they have throughout history. In particular, law enforcement practices that are seen as targeting particular groups—youth, members of marginalized minorities—are one of today’s leading sources of grievance that push young people to join armed groups, including violent extremist groups.

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Service delivery, too, represents an arena of contention. How services are delivered, whether access is perceived as fair or even, and whether there are means of recourse for unfair outcomes all matter. Indeed, in terms of state legitimacy, perceptions of fairness and inclusion regarding service delivery matter as much, if not more, than the quality of the services or who delivers them. Because the state is ultimately responsible for ensuring service delivery—even if it may not be the provider, in all cases—perceptions in this arena affect overall state legitimacy.

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land and natural resources. Just like the children’s game of “capture the flag,” the team with the most territory wins. Today, this arena faces enormous pressure from the impacts of climate change, population growth, urbanization, and the expansion of large-scale agriculture. Violent conflict around land is typically stoked by grievances related to land scarcity, insecurity of tenure, and historical injustices, which can play out individually or in combination.

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Competition for power - Who sits at the table where decisions are made? Who gets to make or change the rules? Who has the power to exclude others? The answers to these questions fundamentally determine a society’s organization and health. The more inclusive and representative a society is vis-à-vis power sharing, the greater the chances for avoiding violence.

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Sociologists see discourse as embedded in and emerging out of relations of power, because those in control of institutions—like media, politics, law, medicine, and education—control its formation. As such, discourse, power, and knowledge are intimately connected, and work together to create hierarchies. Some discourses come to dominate the mainstream, and are considered truthful, normal, and right, while others are marginalized and stigmatized, and considered wrong, extreme, and even dangerous.

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It thus shapes what we are able to think and know any point in time. In this sense, sociologists frame discourse as a productive force because it shapes our thoughts, ideas, beliefs, values, identities, interactions with others, and our behavior. In doing so it produces much of what occurs within us and within society.

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The power of discourse lies in its ability to provide legitimacy for certain kinds of knowledge while undermining others; and, in its ability to create subject positions, and, to turn people into objects that that can be controlled.

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The good news is that such impulses can be put on hold if certain fibers in the higher part of the brain work to create a mental space between impulse and action. It is during the time of adolescence that these regulatory fibers begin to grow to counteract the revved-up “go” of the dopamine reward system. The result is a decrease in impulsivity. This is sometimes called “cognitive control” and is one important source of diminished danger and reduced risks as adolescents develop

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The brain’s increased drive for reward in adolescence manifests in teens’ lives in three important ways. One is simply increased impulsiveness, where behaviors occur without thoughtful reflection. In other words, impulse inspires action without any pause. Pausing enables us to think about other options beyond the immediate dopamine-driven impulse pounding on our minds. Telling that impulse to chill out takes time and energy so it’s easier just not to do it.

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This enhanced natural dopamine release can give adolescents a powerful sense of being alive when they are engaged in life. It can also lead them to focus solely on the positive rewards they are sure are in store for them, while failing to notice or give value to the potential risks and downsides.

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Research even suggests that the baseline level of dopamine is lower—but its release in response to experience is higher—which can explain why teens may report a feeling of being “bored” unless they are engaging in some stimulating and novel activities.

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Perceived threat - People respond to the perceived threat, rather than the true threat, facing them. While people's behaviors, feelings and ongoing responses become modified by that evolving sense of the threat they confront.

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Needs, interests or concerns - There is a tendency to narrowly define "the problem" as one of substance, task, and near-term viability. However, workplace conflicts tend to be far more complex than that, for they involve ongoing relationships with complex, emotional components.

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Parties involved - There are often disparities in our sense of who is involved in the conflict. On many occasions, people who are seen as part of the social system (e.g., work team, family, company) are influenced to participate in the dispute, whether they would personally define the situation in that way or not. In the above example, people very readily "take sides" based upon current perceptions of the issues, past issues and relationships, roles within the organization, and other factors. The parties involved can become an elusive concept to define.

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“About Conflict.” Conflict Resolution, www.talent.wisc.edu/onlinetraining/resolution/aboutwhatisit.htm.

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Siegel, Daniel. “Dopamine and Teenage Logic.” The Atlantic, Atlantic Media Company, 24 Jan. 2014, www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/01/dopamine-and-teenage-logic/282895/.

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Cole, Nicki Lisa. “What Is Discourse?” Thoughtco., Dotdash, 12 Jan. 2019, www.thoughtco.com/discourse-definition-3026070.

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Willman, Alys. “What Do People Fight over? The Answers Are Simpler than You Might Think.” Jobs and Development, 10 Apr. 2018, blogs.worldbank.org/dev4peace/what-do-people-fight-over-answers-are-simpler-you-might-think.

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Barth, F. Diane. “What Makes Some People Feel Entitled to Special Treatment?” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 19 Oct. 2013, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-couch/201310/what-makes-some-people-feel-entitled-special-treatment.

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Disagreement - If we can understand the true areas of disagreement, this will help us solve the right problems and manage the true needs of the parties.

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Discourse refers to how we think and communicate about people, things, the social organization of society, and the relationships among and between all three. Discourse typically emerges out of social institutions like media and politics (among others), and by virtue of giving structure and order to language and thought, it structures and orders our lives, relationships with others, and society.