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One thing to improve is introducing my thesis last instead of first in order to really understand what your talking about and adding more detail to it and another id to improve structuring my paragraphs In a more organized manner while adding in alot of detail

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Two improvements that I made to my essay was to elaborate more my introduction by adding a interesting hook; “It is proven by several scientific studies that nature can have multiple benefits for us humans, such as; stress reduction, relieves depression and anxiety, encourages physical activity and engagement and among others”. Also I try to elaborate more my conclusion by restating my thesis and making connections between the conclusion and introduction by saying; “Eventually all humans have a relationship or a certain connection with nature therefore we can clearly tell that our behavior will impact and influence in how nature will behave and react as well.” which connects to my introduction as well.
My question is:
Do we have to talk more in first person rather than third person?

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Two things to improve are Detail and the Hook

My problem is that I haven't talked much about Kimmerer and I know that's a bad thing I guess

My question is is it important to talk about Kimmerer?  or more of us?

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I worked on trying to expand my ideas and give more detailed sentences.  Also looking for evidence that really connects with my argument.

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Two improvements that I would make on my essay is adding specific examples. Another improvement is fixing up my intro and conclusion. How can I improve my essay?

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I think the two things that I improved on was knowing what I was going to introduce in the introduction and in the body paragraphs, putting examples of my life and explaining the relevance to the essay is what I think I improved on.

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1. One improvement I made

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Two improvements I made in my essay is taking away many "I" that I had and I added a hook, so I think my essay improved.

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Two improvements for the essay that I made was I added a hook that is in the introduction and continues over into the conclusion. Another improvement is that I added a transition to my paragraphs to make it flow better. A question I have is how deep do I have to go on my background in the introduction?

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In my essay, two improvements I made was correcting my use of capitalization and adding more connections to the text. A question I have is if I ended up using enough evidence/ ties to the text that relate to me and my beliefs.

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One improvement I made in my essay was including a personal example as a hook. Another improvement I made was changing my word choice since I kept repeating myself in the body paragraphs. For example, I kept writing "place" so I changed to words like environment, surroundings, and greenery. A question I have is how can I properly mention the source in my writing?

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Two improvements I have made in my essay is adding more detail to my writing and referring back to the ideas of the article.

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One improvement I made in my essay is that I added the hook about my experiences living in Maui and the main claim to my intro so I think it is very clear now. Another improvement is that I connected each paragraph to the article that we read by Professor Kimmerer. A question I have is if I ended up expressing my ideas correctly because I tend to be repetitive.

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I fixed up on my grammar to make my beliefs and Kimmerer's ideas sound more connected. I also changed some of my sentence structure to make it not sound repetitive and more fun to read.

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I dont have any questions but two things I improved on in my essay are using more references by Kimmer and paragraph structure. Before my fourth and fifth paragraphs were repetitive and slightly off topic. Now they're much more organized and focus on my beliefs and the actions I take on the topic.

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One improvement I made in my essay was to change my introduction, I had to add the main claim so it would all come together. Another improvement I made was to check my sentences, especially in the introduction. I combined a couple that needed a pause instead of a whole new break and now I think it reads better.

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One improvement that I made in my essay was the composition of my sentences. The second thing that I improved was the inclusion of my quotes in my essay. A question I have and a good one is if I am using a good structure to write my essay?

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Two things I improved on in my essay were my grammar and my sentence organization, I als stopped being repetitive with the use of "I". A question that I have is if I did the essay in the correct format and in the correct structure.