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and amidst the darkest nights;
whispered prayers of despair,
flamed pages of broken dreams,
and skies where the vast abyss never seem to end;
i have found happiness and solace in YOU.

happy birthday, miss nanz! through my abysmal and nondescript notions, i had humbly contributed a fair share to the overwhelming level of gratitude people have given your parents for the birth of such ethereal beauty. and, if i'm not in a daze, and by some celestial intervention, this person has entered my expanse and have shown me another light, and a slimmer of hope to cling on, i am forever grateful for your being, nana. so in celebration of your 22 years of graceful living, allow me to give you some pieces of literature that i've shown admiration to, which i think perfectly illustrates how i feel about my encounter with you. included in these excerpts will be some of my works, you have been warned, dear nana or reader, yes, i am aware that i am putting myself out there to be the new laughingstock of the 21st century world, but alas, my trepidation towards public display of affection will not be making an appearance today. welcome to the goo and all the cheese, you might cringe and wince; you might even feel nonexistent feelings of disgust that you've never imagined you would acquire, nanz, sit back and take a cookie jar before the torture starts, if you may. i should stop talking and just get on with it, shouldn't i? here goes nothing.

side note: also, i have tried my best to give justification to my feelings by straying away from celestial metaphors, and sticking to real world events. but forgive me if i slip in a few here or there, i have developed a liking and fondness to heavenly beauties (case in point,
you), as there is nothing else, in my opinion, that would compare to the endless skies and galaxies beyond us put in juxtaposition with love.

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jaebum: says about trying not to write about celestial bodies.

also jaebum: most poems are about stars stars stars stars stars

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L'amor che move il sole e l'altre stelle — For my will and my desire were turned by love, the love that moves the sun and the other stars.— DANTE ALIGHIERI.

in here, dante talks about overpowering faith, and how faith in someone can make us do anything. and maybe it's blasphemous, because that's the way how i was made, but that's how i think of the way i love you. you stepped into my life and suddenly i had one universal truth to hold on to – that you loved me, and i loved you.

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But our love it was stronger by far than the love.
Of those who were older than we—
Of many far wiser than we—
And neither the angels in Heaven above.
Nor the demons down under the sea.
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul.
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.
— EDGAR ALLAN POE.

edgar allan poe wrote this after the death of his wife, just two years before his own. in the poem he explores young love, and how the envy of a god towards their fiery love struck annabel down and killed her in her sleep.

i find it ironic that he writes about his love being a god-given blessing sent by the heavens above; which i may recount; are the same entities which burned their kingdom of love down to ashes.

for me, i find it ironic that i often write about you as a person full of love, hope, and light, when you've entangled yourself with a person consisting of antithetical polarities over your own.

but i soon realized, life doesn't work that way. positives don't always have to stick to each other, it doesn't always have to be the upside. i believe that there is a certain order and balance to things; as there is love, and absence of love, light, and absence of light, hope and absence of hope. in that manner, life would be in equilibrium, and everything would fall right into place. and i believe, despite everything that i've said and done in the past years, that the right person has finally come to be the promise to my miseries, the answer to all my conundrums, the whisper of another tomorrow to my unavailing times; and fill the gaps in my broken soul and make me feel complete again. thank you for giving me another chance to live again and see the world in another set of eyes, nana.

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"what's your favorite constellation?" she asked.
he traced his finger, from point-to-point on her body, "you."

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The sea wears down cliffs, Emma, and turns them into sand; so love wears us down and breaks our defenses.”
- Cristina Rosales, Lady Midnight.

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some people told me that i'm good with words,
and the right words bleed out of my mouth,
but why do i sometimes feel
like words would never be enough
to describe how my heart pounds
and my breath shallows
at the sound of your name,
and sometimes it feels like
the heaven sighs,
and the gods cry,
and the universe whispers to me that,
you were my light,
and this time when i write about you,
words didn't come out from my mouth,
they bled from the heart.

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and out of the billowing air of nothingness and suffocating silence,
i broke free and ran towards the east,
and waited for the sun to break.
the bright yellow that promises rebirth instead of destruction;
and that life will go on no matter how much i've lost.
Vous êtes mon soleil.

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more likely, i am an enigma. there's 159 ways to break me but eventually you'll get tired of me. they said, the possibility of getting hit by thunder is 1:170,000. they said, the possibility of two people missing a flight is 1:100,000. and i would say the possibility of me being honest, treasuring, caring, and loving an entirely different human being is about 1:200,000. and i just want to say that, i'm glad to have you at the top in those 200,000 lists of mine.

happy natal day again to you, nanz! again and again, i am forever thankful of having you by my side. thank you for putting up with all my bullshit, and having to call out on them at times where it is deemed necessary. i hope you enjoy your day, and this little present that i've given you. i love you (avcijb's voice: a latte more than you think).