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This guide provides parents and carers with tips to help better support their child with depression.

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A parent workbook: supporting your child with school-based anxiety 

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A parent workbook: supporting your child with school-based anxiety 

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Talk to someone about your child's Mental Health

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Talk to someone about your child's Mental Health

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YoungMinds offer three different services to parents and carers who are concerned about their child’s mental health, up to the age of 25. Here, you can find out more about their Parents Helpline, Webchat and Email service.

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Parents Helpline | Mental Health Help for Your Child

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The YoungMinds Parents Helpline, Webchat and Email provide support and help for parents and carers worried about their child's mental health and wellbeing.

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This A-Z guide gives you advice on how to help your child with their feelings and behaviour, as well as mental health conditions and life events. It can also show you where you can get help.

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Our A-Z guide gives you advice on how to help your child with their feelings and behaviour, as well as mental health conditions and life events. We'll also show you where you can get help.

For information and advice on the cost-of-living crisis, including where to find financial support for you and your family, read our guide to money and mental health.

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Parents' A-Z Mental Health Guide | Mental Health Advice

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Our A-Z guide to support has information and advice on how to help your child with specific mental health conditions, and difficult feelings & life events.

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Parenting isn’t always easy. Although it’s often amazing and rewarding to watch your children grow up, and to help them learn to be independent, it can also be really hard work. Here are our tips for looking after your child while also looking after yourself.

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Worrying or difficult behaviour might be short-lived, so give it some time. All children go through stages of feeling anxious or angry and they can show this in lots of ways - for example, tantrums, crying, sleeping problems or fighting with friends or siblings. They might be adapting to a change in the family or in their school life, or just trying out new emotions, and will generally grow out of worrying behaviour on their own or with family support.

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Parents' Guide to Looking After Your Mental Health

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Supporting your child with their mental health can feel difficult, but we have tips and advice on how you can look after yourself and your child.

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Information on the links between money and mental health, how to support your child's wellbeing and look after yourself in the cost-of-living crisis, and where to find practical and financial support for your family.

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Money, the cost-of-living crisis and mental health

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Information on money and mental health, how to support your child’s wellbeing and look after yourself, and where to find practical and financial support

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Manchester CAMHS Website - lots of resources for parents/carers

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Manchester CAMHS Website - lots of resources for parents/carers

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When you click the link, select "I'm a parent/carer" and then you will be given the option to select what you would like help, advice or support with.

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What is CAMHS?

MFT CAMHS is a specialist NHS service that helps children and young people experiencing mental, emotional or behavioural difficulties that interfere with their daily lives. We provide services across Manchester, Salford and Trafford for children and young people aged up to 18 years. We can offer assessment, diagnosis and support through talking therapies, advice, and sometimes medication. We also work with families and schools to support children and young people's mental health and emotional wellbeing. The main goal is to help children and young people build on their strengths, resilience, and thrive in everyday life.

Our services are organised around the Thrive Framework. The framework emphasizes shared decision-making, community-based support, and empowering families to be active participants in their care journey. The Thrive framework consists of Getting Advice, Getting Help, Getting More Help, and Getting Risk Support components.

Supporting Young Persons Mental Health throughout Manchester, Trafford & Salford

I need advice, help or support with.....

Frequently Asked Questions

If you already know which CAMHS team you need, visit their page on this website to find out how to make a referral.

If you're not sure whether a CAMHS referral is right for you right now, check out our Advice section. You'll find self-help tips, local support options, and information about how to get referred to CAMHS if you decide that's the next step.

If you're under 16, your parent or carer usually needs to agree to the referral.

If you're 16 or 17, you can normally give your own consent, but it's often helpful if your parent or carer is involved too.

If you understand what the referral means - including the risks and benefits - you can usually make that decision yourself. If not, your parent or carer will need to give consent for you.

Yes. The information we have about you and your family or carers is kept private within MFT CAMHS and GMMH Services (if they're involved).

We would only share information if we're really worried that you or someone else might be at risk of harm. This is because we have a duty of care to help keep you and others safe.

Whenever possible, we'll explain what we need to share, why, and who with - before we do it.

It depends on the team or service. Some CAMHS teams have a waiting list, and some don't - and waiting times can be longer for certain services than others.

We know waiting can be hard, and we want you to feel supported while you wait. You can find ideas for support and self-help in the Advice section, and waiting time information for Core CAMHS and Neurodevelopmental services can be found here.

Whether you want to share something that's gone well or talk about something you're unhappy with, we want to hear from you. You can ask to speak to the service lead for your CAMHS team first - they might be able to sort things out quickly.

If this doesn't resolve your concern, you can contact the Patient Advice and Liaison Service (PALS). PALS can help you share a complaint, compliment, or general feedback. They can listen to your concerns or feedback, give advice, and help you make a complaint if you want to.

You can find the contact details for MFT PALS on their website, or on this leaflet.

Your feedback - good or bad - helps us make CAMHS better for everyone.

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Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service (CAMHS) - MFT

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A specialist NHS service helping children & young people with mental, emotional or behavioural difficulties in Manchester, Trafford & Salford.

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A simple guide to depression for parents to support their children.

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Parenting Smart: Mental Health advice for parents 

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Parenting Smart: Mental Health advice for parents 

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A website for parents sharing practical tips to support children’s wellbeing and manage behaviour. There are short, useful articles written by Place2Be's parenting experts. Each article shares practical advice on a number of different topics.

These topics include:

Difficulties at mealtimes

Sibling rivalry

Peer pressure

Safe social media use

Co-parenting following a separation or divorce

Arguments and conflicts

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Parenting Smart offers practical advice for parents and carers of children aged 5-11. All of our content is created by Place2Be's parenting experts. It's based on evidence and their experiences working with children, young people and their families.

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Advice for parents: Talking mental health with young people (Secondary)

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Advice for parents: Talking mental health with young people (Secondary)

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As parents and carers, it can be hard to know whether your child’s feelings and behaviour are normal or becoming a problem.

This leaflet was developed by the Anna Freud Centre's child mental health experts and features an introduction form the Centre's Chief Executive, Professor Peter Fonagy.

It provides simple advice and guidance to parents and carers about how to make conversations about their child's feelings part of everyday conversation.

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Coping with self-harm: A guide for Parents and Carers

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Coping with self-harm: A guide for Parents and Carers

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Developed by researchers at the University of Oxford, this guide includes information on the nature and causes of self-harm and how to support a young person for parents and carers.

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If your child is anxious about school, or their mental health means they are unable to go to school, this site has advice on supporting them and tips on working with school and other services.

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It's normal for children and young people to feel worried about something that's happening at school - for example, when starting a new school or during exams. Sometimes, however, school can become challenging, stressful or distressing over a much longer period of time.

If your child is feeling anxious about school, or not able to go, it can be exhausting for both of you. Mornings in particular can become really stressful for the whole family, as you try to juggle your child's feelings alongside the need to get them to school and get on with your other responsibilities such as work. Even if you manage to get your child to the school gate, you might know how difficult they're going to find the day - or know that you'll be facing the same problem tomorrow morning.

If you're in this situation, we've got advice to help you explore what's going on with your child, make changes at school that can help, and find the support you need if your child can't go to school.

Young people can feel anxious about school for lots of different reasons. They might be worried about making friends or fitting in, find schoolwork or lessons confusing, feel pressured to learn in a certain way or find their relationships with teachers difficult.

Sometimes, going through difficult experiences outside of school - such as bereavement, an illness in the family or being a young carer - can also make it harder for a child to feel settled at school.

For some young people, the school environment isn't right for them, and trying to fit into it can create a huge amount of stress. This might be the case if they are struggling with their mental health, or have a neurodiverse condition or Special Educational Need (SEN) such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia or dyspraxia. This can make the school environment anxiety-provoking and exhausting, especially if their condition or need is undiagnosed or not being well supported.

Young people might show they're feeling anxious about school by:

not wanting to get up and get ready

saying they can't go

worrying a lot about small issues, such as having the right equipment for a lesson

feeling sick, or having stomach aches or headaches

not sleeping well

not doing schoolwork, or their grades dropping

being angry or upset, or acting out - at school or at home

withdrawing - seeming low, quiet or depressed

It's often difficult for your child to articulate the problem. They may be in a heightened state of stress and not know why or feel able to explain. Your child probably wants to feel able to be in school, just as much as you want them to be there. In many cases it just doesn't feel possible.

Sometimes it can be difficult to work out what's making your child feel anxious, and the first step is often helping them to identify exactly what's worrying them. Once you understand the problem, you'll be in a much better position to make changes that can help.

Young people can find it hard to explain what's causing their feelings, and might not be able to answer direct questions like 'what's going on?' Using an anxiety iceberg can help to open up the conversation - giving you a more relaxed way of exploring together what's causing their anxiety.

Watch our video to find out how to make an anxiety iceberg with your child.

If you're making an anxiety iceberg with younger children, you might want to draw images on the iceberg, or encourage them to write simple words. With older children and teenagers, you can ask them to write key words and phrases on the iceberg, or do this as a mind map, with 'school' in the middle and all the things they're finding difficult around the outside.

Through this exercise, you might identify worries such as arriving at school, finding the environment noisy or overwhelming, finding lessons confusing, feeling lonely through the day, or feeling uncomfortable during specific subjects.

Once you understand what's going on for your child, you can use their anxiety iceberg or mind map to communicate with the school and ask for specific changes.

Follow these steps to start a conversation with the school:

Here are some examples of things you can ask the school for:

Remember that even though this situation can be really tough for you and your child, it's a good idea to maintain a positive relationship with the school. Recognise the support they're offering and any changes they're making. This will help you work together to make things better for your child.

Building a relationship with the attendance team at my son's school was hugely helpful, we were talking with them each day.

If your child isn't going to school at the moment, it might feel incredibly stressful and tiring. You might be worried about when they will be able to get back to school or the impact on their education. Or you might feel overwhelmed because you're juggling this alongside work and other family commitments. Things are probably feeling tough for your child too.

During this time, it's important to keep working with teachers and other staff to try strategies that can help your child get back to school. Keep encouraging them to take achievable steps towards attending too. When the right support is in place, it's often easier for a young person to get back into their usual routine if they can return to school as quickly as possible.

If your child's anxiety about school has built up to the point where they can't go, it's a good idea to get them some professional mental health or SEN support. Find out how to do this further down the page.

Alongside requesting professional help, try to:

The school's SEN and attendance policies should be on their website. Knowing what these are can support you during meetings with the school.

This can help if your child is unable to go to school for a longer period of time and you need to ask for more support, including provision of alternative full-time education.

Encourage your child to get up, do some studying and stop for lunch at the same times they would if they were in school. This will make adapting back to school easier. Explain to your child that if they cannot go to school, they will need to study at home - at least until alternative arrangements are put in place. Ask the school to help you facilitate tasks and activities your child can do and use online resources such as BBC Bitesize.

Not going to school could leave your child feeling really isolated. Make sure they stay connected to the outside world by seeing friends and family, doing activities they enjoy and getting outside for walks and exercise.

Speaking to friends online can be really important if your child is feeling isolated at home. Sometimes, however, you might notice that your child is spending lots of time gaming or on their phone, and that this is getting in the way of important daily activities like spending quality time with family, learning, or sleeping and eating well. If this is becoming a problem, have a look at our guide to gaming or guide to social media for more information and advice.

Local authorities must provide alternative education if a child of compulsory school age is unable to attend school over a longer period of time. If your child cannot attend school because of a mental or physical health issue, the local authority should provide an alternative as soon as it is clear that they will be away from school for more than 15 days (either consecutively or over time). Find out how to request alternative education.

Getting back to school after weeks or months may feel extremely difficult for your child, but you and the school can help make it more manageable. Here are some things you can do to help:

Set small, achievable targets, such as visiting the building outside school hours or attending one lesson.

Request a home visit from a school staff member so your child can check in while feeling safe, see that the school cares and discuss any strategies that might help them.

Ask for a reduced timetable, with regular reviews to discuss building back up at a manageable rate.

Discuss changing classes or sets if your child thinks this would help.

Focus on qualifications needed for what your child wants to do next, perhaps dropping a less relevant GCSE to reduce stress.

My son wasn't questioned about his absence when he did feel able to pop in for favourite lessons, helping to ease him back into full days of education.

If your child is struggling with anxiety and it's affecting their day-to-day life, learning or relationships, it's a good idea to find some professional support. Speaking to the GP and finding them a counsellor or therapist are two good places to start. You can find more information about GPs, counsellors and other mental health services in our guide to getting support from mental health services.

If there is no other obvious reason for your child's inability to attend school, they may have an undiagnosed Special Educational Need (SEN) such as dyslexia, autism or ADHD.

If you think this is the case:

Speak to the school's SENCO or your GP to ask for a referral for an assessment.

While you are waiting for an assessment, you can also ask the SENCO to refer your child for support from other professionals, such as an Educational Psychologist or Speech and Language Therapist. These professionals can identify specific needs and make recommendations for additional support the school can put in place - even if your child hasn't had a formal diagnosis yet.

SEN support at school
If your child is diagnosed with SEN, extra support and adjustments should be put in place at school to help them attend and learn. This is called SEN support, and should be available within the school's existing resources. Speak to the school's SENCO in the first instance about how the school will support your child.
Education, Health and Care (EHC) plans
If you do not think your child's needs can be met by the school's existing resources, you can ask the local authority to carry out an Education, Health and Care needs assessment (EHC needs assessment). If the local authority decides your child needs additional support, they will then make an Education, Health and Care plan (EHC plan). This outlines how the extra support they need will be provided. Find out more about EHC plans.
Your Local Offer
Your Local Offer is the information, support and services available for young people with SEN, and for their parents and families. You can find out what support is available in your area by going to your local authority's website and searching for their Local Offer.

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

We have more tips and advice on supporting your child with school, and information about how you can get in touch with our Parents Helpline.
This page was reviewed in December 2022. It was created with parents and carers with lived experience of supporting their child or young person with school anxiety. We will next review the page in 2025. YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK - the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.
Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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School Anxiety and Refusal | Parent Guide to Support

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If your child is anxious about school, or refusing to go to school at all, read our tips and advice on how you can support their mental health.

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5 ways to better wellbeing for your family (Primary)

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5 ways to better wellbeing for your family (Primary)

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This guide helps parents and carers to focus on 5 ways to support the wellbeing of the whole family and promote mental health.

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This resource for parents looks at the importance of self-esteem and provides some simple, easy to follow top tips to help build children’s self-esteem

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Help and advice for parents and families dealing with mental health problems in everyday life.

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Parenting with mental health problems

Parenting comes with lots of challenges, which can be even more difficult if you're dealing with mental health problems.

Not all children who live with someone with mental health problems will experience abuse or be affected negatively. In fact, many parents are able to give children safe and loving care.

But sometimes it does affect their ability to cope with family life. So it's important that parents and carers can find support when they need it.

What are mental health problems?

When we talk about mental health problems we mean conditions like:

anxiety disorders

bipolar disorder

depression

obsessive-compulsive disorder

personality disorders

post-traumatic stress disorder

schizophrenia.

This is not a complete list. There are many types of mental health problems, and if yours isn't listed, we're still here to support you.

How can mental health problems affect parenting?

Sometimes these conditions can affect a parent's ability to provide the care that children need. Parents or carers may:

have mood swings

find it difficult to recognise their children's needs

or struggle with keeping routines such as mealtimes, bedtimes and taking their children to school.

If you, or someone you know is struggling, there's support available.

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Help and advice for parents and families living with mental health problems.

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This booklet aims to support parents in understanding anxiety and how to support it

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Body image and advertising guide for parents

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Body image and advertising guide for parents

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A guide for parents to help their children navigate body images issues and the impact of advertising.

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Media Smart - Resources for parents and guardians

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This guide is designed to provide an engaging introduction to body image and advertising, outlining how parents and guardians can play a key role in supporting young people to develop positive body image. This resource will contain information, advice and activities to help adults give young people a strong sense of their own worth and identity.

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Talking to your child about how they’re feeling can be tough, especially if you’re concerned that they're having a hard time. Here are some conversation starters to help.

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Practical tips on how to talk to boys and young men about mental health.

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Stem4 - Parents Mental Health Day - Building Family Resilience 

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Stem4 - Parents Mental Health Day - Building Family Resilience 

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- The impact of the pandemic & cost of living crisis on parent/carer mental health
- What is resilience?
- What is family resilience?
- Tips for parents/carers on building their own resilience
- Tips for building a young person’s resilience with MINDYOUR5
- Tips for parents/carers to #BuildFamilyResilience
- Focusing on a Strengths-Based Approach

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Parents Mental Health Day - building resilience

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A personalised approach to mental health.

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A parents guide to Eating Disorders and Problems

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A parents guide to Eating Disorders and Problems

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A simple guide and information that helps parents dispel myths and support their child appropriately around the topic of eating disorders

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What are eating disorders?

Eating disorders are serious mental health conditions that can have a huge impact on someone's mental and physical health. They can affect anyone with any body shape or lifestyle - regardless of their gender, culture, age or ethnicity.

Lots of young people who develop an eating problem or disorder are also going through other mental health issues. This can include anxiety or stress, feeling low or depressed, or struggling with their self-esteem.

Young people can use their behaviour around food and eating to try to cope with these difficult thoughts, feelings and experiences. They might limit how much they eat, consume large quantities of food quickly, or use methods such as making themselves sick to get rid of food from their body.

While it can sometimes be hard to understand from the outside, doing these kinds of things might:

make someone feel they have a way of coping when things are difficult

make someone feel in control, or give them a way of reducing anxiety or panic when they're overwhelmed

numb or reduce uncomfortable or distressing feelings

Over time, these kinds of thoughts and behaviours around food might become very fixed and difficult to change - and may start to take over daily life. When this happens, it can have a hugely negative effect on a young person's social life and their relationships with friends and family. It can also lead to very serious physical health problems, and affect a young person's physical growth and development. In very serious cases, and without the right kind of support and treatment, eating disorders can cause death.

But if someone gets the right professional help, the eating disorder can be treated and they can get better. The earlier they get help, the easier this will be. There are lots of common stereotypes about what someone with an eating disorder will look like. As a parent or carer, it's important to understand that a young person's weight or appearance does not determine whether they have a problem. Whatever's going on, it's important to find help as soon as you notice behaviours around food that are concerning. The sooner they get support, the easier it will be for the young person to change their behaviour and find other ways of coping. Getting help early can also prevent physical health problems from developing.

Different types of eating disorders

Some eating problems develop or fit into a certain type of eating disorder. But if your child has an eating problem that's affecting their day-to-day life, they still need professional help to find out what's going on - even if you're not sure that they have an eating disorder.

There are some common eating disorder diagnoses.

People with anorexia generally try to keep their weight low by limiting how much food they eat or doing lots of exercise, or both. They may have "rules" about what they eat, or when and where they eat. And they may think they are bigger than they are, and feel very scared about gaining weight.

Some people with anorexia also try to 'get rid' of food from their body, for example by making themselves sick or using laxatives.
Without support, anorexia can lead to serious physical health problems - so it's important to get help as early as possible.

ARFID stands for 'avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder'. This used to be known as selective eating disorder.

People with ARFID avoid certain foods or types of food, restrict the amount of food they eat, or both. Unlike with anorexia, people with ARFID don't necessarily do this to lose weight.

Common reasons people with ARFID may limit their food intake include:

sensory sensitivity to the appearance, smell, texture, temperature or taste of certain foods

feeling scared about eating if they have had a frightening experience with choking or vomiting after eating

having a limited interest in food, including not realising when they feel hungry

People with bulimia "binge-eat" or over-eat, and then "purge" to get rid of the food. They might do this by making themselves sick, using laxatives or over-exercising. They may feel guilty about what they have eaten and want to remove the food from their body. Or, completing a cycle of bingeing and purging might feel like it's giving them a sense of control when things are difficult.

Bulimia can cause serious damage to someone's body, so it's important to get help as early as possible.

People with binge-eating disorder regularly eat large quantities of food in a short time. They feel like they are not in control of this, or that they are unable to stop. In a binge-eating episode, people may eat a lot faster than usual or eat when they're not hungry, and feel embarrassment or shame afterwards.

Unlike with bulimia, people with binge-eating disorder do not usually "purge" afterwards (try to get rid of food in their body).

OSFED stands for 'other specified feeding or eating disorder'. This is the diagnosis often given to someone if their symptoms do not fit with anorexia, bulimia or binge-eating disorder. This is the most common eating disorder in the UK.

People with OSFED may experience a range of different symptoms. Some examples of what OSFED might look like include:

Atypical anorexia - where someone is experiencing all the symptoms of anorexia, but their weight remains in a "normal" range.

Lower frequency binge-eating disorder - where someone experiences the symptoms of binge eating disorder, but episodes of binge eating do not happen as often.

Lower frequency bulimia - where someone experiences the symptoms of bulimia, but the cycles of bingeing and purging do not happen as often.

Night eating syndrome - where someone eats a lot at night or after dinner, or wakes up in the night to eat.

Purging disorder - where someone purges, as with bulimia, but it is not part of a binge/purge cycle.

Pica involves experiencing cravings to consume things that are not for eating, or feeling like you cannot stop yourself from eating these things. This can include substances such as soap, chalk or dirt. Sometimes, the person may feel urges to consume substances that are dangerous, so it's important to get help as early as possible.

You can find out more about each of these conditions on the Beat website.

If you'd like to hear from other parents and carers who have supported their child with an eating disorder, and personal stories from those who have struggled with them, you might like to listen to this BBC podcast. Please keep in mind that this podcast discusses some very serious experiences - only listen if it's helpful for you, and at a time that's right for you.

Signs that your child might be developing an eating problem or disorder

Every child and young person will show, or not show, what's going on in different ways. The signs that they're struggling might also look different depending on what type of eating problem they have.

While it's not always easy to tell, some early signs that your child is developing an eating problem or disorder might include:

becoming more controlling or limiting about what, how much or when they eat - including avoiding eating with other people

obsessing about their body shape, having an inaccurate view of their body shape, or feeling afraid of putting on weight

leaving the table quickly after meals (for example to hide food or be sick)

exercising a lot, or much more than they used to

seeming different in themselves - including seeming more tired than usual, or finding it difficult to concentrate

wearing loose or baggy clothes to hide their weight loss

losing or gaining weight

As a parent or carer, it's not always easy to know what's going on - and a young person with an eating problem may try to hide what they're doing. But you know your child, and you know when something is wrong.

If you've noticed changes that are worrying you, the next steps are to open up a conversation with your child and to get professional advice. You don't need to wait for your child to lose or gain weight before getting professional help - ask for advice now.

Getting help and treatment

1. Making an appointment with a GP

If you're worried that your child is developing an unhealthy relationship with food, it's important to make an appointment with a GP. This is the first step to getting them the right help.

Make a list before the appointment of the concerning behaviours you have noticed. Or, if your child wants to go by themselves, encourage them to make a list of the things they're experiencing. The more honest and specific you can be, the easier it will be to get the right help.

Beat have a really useful resource on seeking GP treatment that you can both use to help you prepare for the appointment. They also have a binge-eating disorder leaflet you can take to the GP if your child is struggling with binge-eating problems.

People with eating disorders can find it hard to see they have a problem. Be clear about the fact that you're concerned and that you can see they need some help.

If your child will not go to an appointment at the moment, you can still speak to the GP yourself to get advice about what to do next.

For more advice, see our guide to getting help from the GP.

Getting support from the GP

Seeing your GP as quickly as possible, and asking for support for your child is essential. Early intervention is key to your child's recovery. If your GP does not take your concerns seriously, keep persisting in asking for a referral to an eating disorders team.

2. Getting a GP referral for specialist help

After talking to your child, the GP can make a referral for a specialist assessment. Depending on where you live and your child's age, this is usually done by one of the following services:

CAMHS, which is the NHS mental health service for children and young people

your local adult NHS mental health service

a specialist eating disorder unit

Professionals working in one of these teams will talk to your child to find out what the problem is. They will then decide what kind of treatment will help. While this is happening, the GP may also refer your child to a paediatrician for a physical health assessment.

The National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) provides guidelines for NHS treatments. They very clearly recommend that GPs should make a referral for specialist assessments if there is any concern that a young person has an eating disorder. The NICE guidelines specifically state that they should not wait to see whether things get worse before doing this.

This is because getting early help can make a big difference - and because it's important to get help before an eating disorder starts to affect a young person's physical development.

If you do not think the GP is taking enough action, you can always ask the surgery to make you an appointment with a different doctor. You can also outline what the NICE guidelines say.

Depending on where you live, your child may be able to contact CAMHS or adult mental health services directly. You may also be able to refer them as their parent or carer. You can find this information online, or ask your GP surgery how things work in your area.

3. Receiving specialist treatment

The type of support and treatment your child has will depend on the type of eating disorder they have been diagnosed with. It may include:

family therapy

individual therapy developed specifically for eating disorders

group therapy developed specially for eating disorders

Your child's physical health may also be monitored during and after treatment.

Your child may receive treatment locally while they're at home. Or, if their symptoms are more serious, they may go into hospital to get treatment and support.

If you are worried about your child's physical health or they become very unwell, for example if they are experiencing chest pains or feeling faint, they need to see a doctor straightaway.

Take them straight to A&E or call 999 for an ambulance.

You can also call 111 if you're concerned but they do not need to be seen immediately.

If your child needs urgent mental health support, for example if you are worried that they are feeling suicidal or experiencing a mental health crisis, you can find advice on our urgent help page.

Educate yourself around eating disorders, this will enable you to give your child the best possible support. Charities such as Beat offer peer support and online development for carers on similar journeys to those you are facing.

How can I support my child?

Getting professional advice as early as you can is one of the most important things you can do to support your child. Eating disorders are complex mental health conditions that need specialist treatment - and the earlier your child gets support, the easier it will be for them to change their thinking and behaviour.

Alongside getting professional help, there are also things you can do to support your child at home.

Beat have a really useful resource to help you start a conversation if you're worried about your child.

Young people who have been through this say it helps when parents:

show they are able to talk about it and do not shy away from the issue

remember that this might be a difficult conversation for their child to have

are open minded and focus on finding out what it's like for their child

avoid making assumptions about why their child is behaving in this way

address what they want to talk about directly and use 'I' statements - for example, you could say, 'I've noticed that ...', or 'I'm really concerned because ...', and then ask, 'can we have a chat about it?'

You can find some simple tips on things you can do to help your child to feel understood in our blog on how to really listen to your child.

It's completely understandable if things feel all-consuming at times. But try to keep your focus on the person your child is, rather than just seeing the eating disorder. Talk about other things and spend quality time together doing activities you both enjoy. Keep normal routines and family life going as much as possible. This might feel hard sometimes, but young people who have been through this say just how important it is.

Certain points of the day, such as meal times, might feel really challenging. This is understandable, but if things feel tense, it can be more anxiety-provoking for your child.

It can help to:

give yourself permission to step away for a moment if you feel yourself becoming stressed, and come back when you're calmer

think about activities you could do during meals, such as playing a game together or watching TV, which can help to take the pressure off everyone

avoid having serious conversations during mealtimes or other family activities, so that your child can enjoy the social time too

There are stories of recovery on social media that can be positive for young people to see. But some social media content promotes disordered eating and can be damaging for young people with eating problems. This is often called 'pro-anorexia' (or 'pro-ana') and 'pro-bulimia' (or 'pro-mia') content. Social media will also advertise things like weight loss programmes that can be harmful to see.

Talk to your child about what they're seeing online, and about how they can make sure it's having a positive influence on them. Your child can use our advice on creating a positive social media community in our young person's guide to social media and mental health. Or they could try finding an online community at Beat (their online chat spaces are fully moderated).

It's really important that young people feel able to socialise with friends and family. But it can be difficult when social events often revolve around food. Think together about events such as big family meals or trips with friends ahead of time.

Young people who have been through this say it can be helpful to:

decide what they are going to eat beforehand, for example if they are going to a restaurant with friends

plan in downtime around social events to help them cope with stress

have a back-up plan if things feel too difficult - for example, eating in a separate room just with you if eating with everyone together is too much

allow themselves to enjoy the event and socialise too, without the occasion being all about what they're eating

When things feel tough, remind yourself that your child is not choosing to do this and cannot simply decide to stop. Eating disorders are complex mental health conditions and it does take time for things to get better. Try not to take their behaviour personally and remember to see yourselves as a team working together.

It is essential that the carer takes good care of their own mental health, and that other family members do too. Reach out to friends and family members who are willing to listen and to offer support.

Looking after yourself

This can be an incredibly tough, or in some cases traumatic, thing for parents and carers to go through. You may be feeling really worried about your child's mental and physical health. When the situation is very serious, some parents tell us they feel like they're firefighting all the time. This is exhausting, and can start to affect your wellbeing too.

Our tips can help you to look after yourself during this time as well your child.

Alongside looking after yourself, it's also important to think about how your other children might be affected by the situation. Remember to check-in with them about how they're doing, and to make space for quality time together.

Useful helplines and websites

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

You may also find helpful...

This page was reviewed in June 2023. It was created with a parent or carer with lived experience of supporting their child or young person with an eating disorder. We will next review the page in 2026. YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK - the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.
Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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Eating Disorders and Problems | Parent Guide

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If you're worried your child has an eating disorder or problem, read our tips and advice on how to find professional help and how to support them at home.

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How to support a friend with an eating disorder

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How to support a friend with an eating disorder

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Useful guide for parents that are looking for ways a child's friends, family and peers can support the young person with eating problems

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If you have a friend who is struggling with an eating disorder, it can be incredibly hard on both of you in the friendship.

It is important to remember that opening up about an eating disorder can be a very difficult and scary thing to do. Eating disorders usually develop on a foundation of secrecy and control, and some people, although they shouldn't, may see their condition as embarrassing or a weakness. So if your friend talks to you about their eating disorder, it is because they really trust you.

Of course, you do not have to change the way you act around your friend or endlessly worry about upsetting them, but try to make sure that you are considerate when talking about things like food and exercise.

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How To Support A Friend With An Eating Disorder

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If you have a friend who is struggling with an eating disorder, it can be incredibly hard on both of you in the friendship. It is important to remember that opening up about an eating disorder can be a very difficult and scary thing to do.

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Caring for someone with an eating disorder?

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Caring for someone with an eating disorder?

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Supporting and caring for someone with an eating disorder can be very emotionally straining. This guide aims to support you in your journery.

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A guide for friend and family to support eating disorders

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A guide for friend and family to support eating disorders

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This booklet is for anyone supporting someone with an eating disorder. This might be a family member, a friend, a partner, a colleague. It covers types of eating disorder, possible causes, how you can help, and treatment. It also gives guidance on taking care of yourself.

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Information to take to the GP for an eating disorder

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Information to take to the GP for an eating disorder

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This guide can be shown to a GP to help them identify and support your child better

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Kooth - Supporting your child during difficult times

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Kooth - Supporting your child during difficult times

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This toolkit has practical guides to support adults promote their own wellbeing.

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Where can I go to get help for my child?

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Where can I go to get help for my child?

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This information and advice can guide accessing mental health services and finding the right support for your child.

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If your child is struggling and needs some help, you may be feeling really worried as a parent - and also like you're not sure where to start. Remember that you and your child are not alone. On this page you can find the services, professionals and organisations that can help you, and information about how to access them.

Trying to find the right help for your child and finding your way around different services can be really tiring at times. Remember to look after yourself as you go - and to remind yourself that you're doing your best and it's not always easy.

1. Make a note of your concerns

Before speaking to a professional, make a note of your concerns and the times you have noticed particularly worrying behaviours or feelings. You can do this really simply by making a list on your phone. You can then take this with you to appointments to give the professional a clear sense of your child's situation, and to support any requests for referrals.

2. Explore local services

If you're on a waiting list for help, explore whether there are services available locally that you might be able to access in the meantime. Your child might also be able to get more immediate online support from organisations like The Mix and Kooth. You can find other online services and helplines at the bottom of this page.

3. Try talking to other parents

As you find your way around local services, try talking to other parents who have been through this, or speak to any friends or family who might be able to advise you about where to get started. For example, if you know anyone who works in mental health support, they might have a good idea about what's available locally.

4. Follow up after the appointment

Where possible, follow up by email after appointments - for example with teachers or other staff at your child's school - to confirm what's been agreed. Then check in a week or two later to find out what's happened. This is a good way to keep things moving.

I spoke to other parents and those who worked in mental health. I asked them what help they thought I needed. It's always good to open the conversation up and talk to other parents and mental health professionals.

Speaking to your GP

GP stands for 'general practitioner'. This is the doctor who provides overall care to look after both your child's physical and mental health. You can speak to your registered GP, or another GP at your local surgery, by calling your doctor's surgery to book an appointment.

Your GP can help with things like:

speaking to your child to find out how they're doing and what's going on for them

discussing your concerns with you and providing advice

suggesting different types of support or treatment, such as counselling and therapy or medication (treatment options will depend on your child's age and what they're experiencing)

letting you know what support is available locally and making referrals. This may include CAMHS or other mental health support services

offering your child regular check-ups to see how they're doing

finding local support groups for your child

Before making a referral to a support service, your GP will often want to see your child. If your child does not want to go to an appointment right now, you can still speak to your GP yourself to ask for information and advice.

GP surgeries offer urgent on-the-day appointments for when your child is really struggling. You can access these by calling the surgery first thing, or as soon as it opens.

If you don't feel that your GP is taking your concerns seriously or you would like a second opinion, you can ask the surgery to book you another appointment with a different GP. It could also help to ask the surgery whether there's a GP who has experience or specialises in young people's mental health.

Your child might like to use our guide for young people to help them prepare for an appointment. You and your child can also use Doc Ready to help you think beforehand about what you'd like to say.

CAMHS is a free, NHS-run service that helps children and young people with their mental health. CAMHS provide support and treatment such as counselling and therapy, medication (usually prescribed by a child and adolescent psychiatrist) and staying in hospital (also called 'inpatient care'). You might also hear this service referred to as CYPMHS (Children and Young People's Mental Health Services).

CAMHS teams are usually made up of nurses, therapists, psychologists, child and adolescent psychiatrists (medical doctors specialising in mental health), support workers and social workers, as well as other professionals.

Each CAMHS is a local service run by a local team in your area. This means each CAMHS around the country is slightly different and may offer different types of support, and that waiting times can vary between different areas.

Our parents' guide has more detailed information about CAMHS services and how to access support.

Counselling and therapy

Counselling and therapy (sometimes called 'psychotherapy') are both types of talking therapy that involve talking about - or exploring through art and other creative materials - feelings, thoughts and experiences. This can help your child to make sense of what's going on in their life and find ways of coping when things are difficult.

You can access counselling or therapy for your child through:

your GP, who can refer them to services provided by the NHS (including CAMHS) and/or other local organisations.

your child's school, college or university - some of which offer free or subsidised counselling services.

local free or subsidised counselling services, which you can find by searching online and/or using the Youth Access directory.

a private counsellor or therapist, who you can find using the directories listed in our guide if this is an affordable option for you.

For more information about how counselling works and how to access it, take a look at our guide for parents and carers.

Therapy helped me to gain a better understanding about how I was feeling and it allowed me to learn how to cope with my emotions without getting overwhelmed by them.

School, college and university

If your child is struggling and they are still at school or college, it can help to be open with the school about what's going on and what support your child needs. You can do this by emailing, phoning or arranging a face-to-face meeting with any member of staff - such as their teacher, form tutor or head of year, the SENCO (the coordinator for special educational needs support), a member of the pastoral team or the school nurse if there is one.

Depending on their age, it may be important to make sure your child feels some control over the information that's shared about them - for example by discussing with them who they would feel most comfortable for you to speak to in the first instance.

Depending on what's going on for your child, you might want to ask for some of the following things:

linking your child with a member of staff, for example from the pastoral team, who they can chat to when they're struggling

linking your child with a peer buddy or mentor

finding a way for your child to feel more part of the school or college community, or to manage unstructured lunch and break times, for example by joining a club

offering a flexible start-time or timetable

referring your child for support such as counselling, to CAMHS or to other local mental health services

If your child needs to access mental health support at university, you can find out how to go about this on the Student Minds website.

You can find more tips on working with your child's school in our guide.

Other local support services

You may be able to access other mental health support services in your area, including counselling or therapy organisations, support groups, drop-in sessions, clubs or mentoring schemes and charities supporting young people with specific issues.

You can search for these online, or through the Youth Wellbeing or Youth Access directories. Your local authority's website should also detail the Local Offer and Information Advice and Support (IAS) service, listing local provision for children and young people up to age 25 with special educational needs and disabilities. ( Find your local authority.)

Getting urgent help

If you are worried that your child is at immediate risk of harm, or is not safe, call 999 or take them to A&E.

Some parents tell us that taking their child to A&E in this situation can feel strange. Remember that this is the right thing to do. The NHS is very clear that a mental health emergency should be taken as seriously as a physical one - and that you will not be wasting anyone's time.

You can also contact your local NHS urgent mental health helpline (England only) or 111 for 24-hour advice and support.

YoungMinds Parents Helpline

We offer three different services to parents and carers who are concerned about their child's mental health (up to the age of 25). You can contact us by phone, email or webchat for information, advice and support.

To find out more about these services and how to make use of them, have a look at our Parents Helpline and Webchat page.

Support for you

Supporting a young person who is struggling can be incredibly worrying and exhausting - and it's entirely understandable if you are finding things difficult at the moment.

It's so important to recognise the impact the situation is having on you, and to think about ways you can take care of yourself - including getting support from other people so that you can take some time off. Remember that it's okay to ask for help when you need it, and to share your worries with someone you trust.

Many parents find it helpful to reach out to other parents so they can talk through how they have handled difficult situations with their children and get support. You can connect with other parents by:

You can also find support services such as counselling or therapy through your GP and other local organisations, or privately if this is an affordable option for you.

Sometimes it helps just having someone there who can listen to what you're going through - and if you need someone to talk to, you can call the Samaritans anytime on 116 123.

Useful helplines and websites

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Getting Help For My Child's Mental Health

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If your child is struggling and needs some help, you may be feeling really worried as a parent - and also like you're not sure where to start. Remember that you and your child are not alone. On this page you can find the services, professionals and organisations that can help you, and information about how to access them.

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Young Minds - Supporting A Child With Anxiety

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Young Minds - Supporting A Child With Anxiety

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What is anxiety?

Anxiety is a feeling of worry, fear or unease. It is often experienced as a combination of thoughts, feelings and physical sensations in our body.

All children and young people feel worried sometimes. This is a normal, human reaction to things that feel stressful. For example, before an exam a young person may feel more worried than usual. But they will soon feel calmer after the stressful event has passed.

Anxiety becomes a problem when a child or young person feels stuck in it. When this happens, it can become an overwhelming experience. It can also affect their daily life and limit the things they feel able to do.

If your child or young person is struggling with anxiety, there are things you can do to help them. We've got advice to help you provide reassuring support, work on strategies together and find professional help if they need it.

What makes young people anxious?

A child or young person may be anxious for different reasons. Feeling a bit more worried sometimes is normal and there is not always a clear reason for this. But if your child is feeling unmanageable amounts of anxiety, this is often a sign that something in their life isn't quite right. They may need support to work out what the problem is.

This video by St Catherine's College is a useful way of understanding how stress and anxiety might build up in a person's life.

The following kinds of things can make some children and young people feel anxious:

finding school difficult or experiencing school anxiety

being around someone else who is very anxious, such as a parent

going through a significant change, such as moving house, parents separating or changing school

the death or illness of a close family member or friend

having lots of responsibility, for example caring for other people in their family

experiencing family stress around things like housing, money and debt

going through experiences in which they do not feel safe, such as being bullied, witnessing or experiencing abuse, or experiencing discrimination such as racism, homophobia or transphobia

not getting the right support or having their needs recognised if they have a neurodiverse condition such as autism or ADHD

Signs of anxiety in children and young people

Anxiety often affects our body, thoughts, feelings and behaviour. A child or young person who is struggling with anxiety may also behave differently or start using coping mechanisms to try to manage or avoid the anxiety. Below are some of the signs to look out for in children and young people.

Young people share their experience of anxiety.

How to help your child or young person when they feel panicky

In a very anxious moment, your child or young person may feel frightened or worried about having a panic attack. If this happens, focus on helping them to calm down and feel safe. The strategies below can help.

Breathe slowly and deeply together

Show/hide caption

A hand with five fingers spread. A pointed finger shows instructions for moving around each finger with the words 'Breathe in' as you move upwards, and 'Breathe out' as you move downwards.

Together, hold your hands out in front of you. Trace the outline of each of your fingers slowly with your other hand. Breathe in as you go up each finger, and out as you come down. Move and breathe as slowly as feels comfortable. Over time, encourage your child or young person to breathe out for one or two counts longer than they breathe in. This can help their body to relax.

If you would like to have a copy of this technique with you, you can download and print our resource.

Try using all five senses together

Show/hide caption

A picture of eyes, an ear, a hand, a nose and a mouth. Text reads next to each one: "5 things you can see. 4 things you can hear. 3 things you can touch. 2 things you can smell. 1 thing you can taste."

Connecting with what we can see, touch, hear, smell and taste is sometimes called 'grounding'. Doing grounding techniques can make us feel more present and bring us back into our body. This can reduce the intensity of our anxiety. Think together about what they can see, touch, hear, smell and taste.

For example, they might notice: five different colours; four soft things in the room; three sounds like cars going past the window or the noise of the washing machine; two things they can smell, like a scented candle or a piece of fruit; and one thing they find soothing to eat.

If you would like to have a copy of this technique with you, you can download and print our resource.

Remember, you don't need to do all of these things each time. Everyone is different, and it's about figuring out which of these strategies suits them best.

After they have calmed down, it can help to remind them that the panicky feeling did not last forever. They were able to do things that helped and the feeling stopped.

How to help your child or young person manage their anxiety

As well as managing panicky moments, your child or young person can also learn how to deal with their anxiety over the longer-term.

Many of these strategies are about helping them to understand how their anxiety works and what helps them. The more confident they feel about this, the more they will believe in their ability to cope. This can make anxiety feel more manageable.

As you think about strategies you might try, always remind yourself you're doing your best. It's natural to feel a bit overwhelmed sometimes. But remember, you do not need to try five different things at once. Have a look through these suggestions and pick one or two things you think might help.

There are some daily activities that are really important for our mental health. These are:

physical exercise, or some movement

sleeping well

eating healthily

drinking water

connecting and spending quality time with loved ones

They might sound simple, but they can have a big effect on our mood. Regular exercise can be particularly important because it can help to reduce feelings of anxiety in the body. It doesn't have to be much - walking or gentle yoga can help.

If you have a teenager or young adult, reducing alcohol and caffeinated drinks such as coffee can help. This is because they can trigger the physical symptoms of anxiety.

Some children and young people will need support from a mental health professional. They may benefit from a specific diagnosis or a treatment such as talking therapy. You can find more information about this below.

Young people tell us it also helps to...

think about something you're looking forward to

imagine your thoughts leaving your brain and floating off into the sky

keep yourself occupied

have time out

reflect on how you're feeling

talk to other people you trust

remind yourself you're not alone - odds are someone in your friendship circle has anxiety or depression too

Finding professional help

You might also find helpful...

Useful helplines and websites

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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Supporting A Child With Anxiety | Tips and Advice

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If your child or teenager is struggling with anxiety, we've got information about signs and treatment, and practical strategies you can do together.

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Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) | Parent Guide

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Find out what OCD is, how it might impact your child’s mental health, what help and treatment is available and how you can support your child at home.

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Supporting a Child with Depression or Anxiety

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Supporting a Child with Depression or Anxiety

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How to support a child with depression or anxiety

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Recognise the signs of anxiety and depression in children and get advice on how you can best support a child who needs your help. How to support a child with childhood depression or anxiety.

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For many years it was believed that children did not experience depression or anxiety and that those who appeared to were merely malingering or attention-seeking. This is no longer the case. It is now widely accepted that as many as 8 to 11% of children and adolescents suffer from anxiety that affects their ability to get on with their lives.

So what are anxiety disorders amongst children, what are they caused by and how can parents help children who are affected?

Section 1: Children and their emotions

All children, of whatever age, experience powerful emotions. The world of young children can be a frightening and uncertain place, as can that of adolescents, who are facing a time of rapid physical and emotional change.

Many parents can remember times in their own childhood when they were very frightened, anxious, miserable or worried. Such feelings are part of growing up, and confronting the many changes being presented to us throughout childhood.

Children are sensitive to what happens around them, and young children in particular can feel that it is their fault when things go wrong at home (such as parents becoming ill). This makes them feel worried and guilty. Section 2 examines the range of issues that can lead to children and young people becoming anxious.

Not all children's emotions are logical. Small children ordinarily have fears about the dark, insects, ghosts, kidnappers and getting lost or abandoned. Such fears are common and normal in all young children. Usually, children grow out of their fears but sometimes they persist as the child grows up - there are plenty of adults who are anxious about spiders or dogs. Only when such fears stop your child doing ordinary activities is there real cause for concern.

Anxiety in young children

Children can develop fears and phobias at any age, but they are especially common during early childhood, and again during puberty. Infants can appear to be upset, to be irritable and sleepless, but in very small children, such behaviour is more likely to be caused by hunger, cold, and physical diseases than anxiety.

The situation is not so clear-cut as children get a little older. Certainly, it may appear to many parents of toddlers that their children are overly anxious or clinging. All toddlers express distress at being separated from their carers, along with occasional sleeplessness. Parents can help their children by offering them reassurance that everything is alright.

It might feel as if your child clings excessively. Some children are naturally more timid and anxious than others, and for them, the stress of new experiences is greater than for other children. However, in time, this behaviour will usually pass.

For other children, however, excessive clinging is a sign that they are extremely anxious. It is important when deciding what is excessive clinging in your child to take into account their nature, as well as what is happening within the child's immediate environment. However, if your child clings so much that they are unable to play with other children, if they are unable to sleep alone, or be in a different room from you, this might indicate that they are overly anxious.

Parents may worry that other behaviours in young children indicate that they are insecure or worried. However, often these are exactly the opposite. For example, many young children constantly carry comforting pieces of blanket or favourite toys. They do not indicate insecurity and there is nothing to be gained by removing a young child's comfort object, in fact, there are grounds for thinking that children who have comfort objects are better able to cope than those who do not develop the habit.

There are a number of things that parents can do to help children get through this stage of development.

try to make sure that small children get a wide range of experiences, particularly meeting people outside the home and playing with other children.

try and ensure that your child is able to make their own decisions over small things - this will help them grow in confidence.

help children to learn how to fall asleep on their own when they have a nap in the afternoon as well as at night. Make their bedroom a nice place to be, with a night light. Keeping to a regular bedtime is often beneficial, as is a set routine of getting children into bed. Explain what you want them to do (lie quietly in bed waiting to fall asleep; they can't fall asleep by will-power), return to their bedroom at regular intervals to comfort them if necessary but leave the room before they fall to sleep and praise them for lying in bed quietly.

try to make sure they spend at least a day away from home and their parents before starting school. By experiencing such a separation they will be less apprehensive about having to spend time away from home.

try and ensure that you are not always worried and anxious. Bringing up children can be stressful, but, if your child feels that you are always worried, they are more likely to be anxious themselves. Remember to take time out for yourself - to relax.

If you feel that your child is over-anxious, section 3 of this leaflet, sets out where you might go for help.

School-age children

Like young children, some school-age children can become over-anxious. This can be a real concern for parents and professionals working with them. Signs of anxiety in children of this age include children who:

are extremely shy, timid and clinging

have real difficulties mixing with other children

have difficulty getting off to and staying asleep

have repeated nightmares (more than one a week)

have repeated complaints of headache or tummyache

are constantly asking if things are all right or other ways of asking for reassurance.

Some children will have panic attacks in which they feel that it is difficult to breathe and that they are going to die.

Anxious children can be irritable and demanding. They can also be a source of extreme worry for parents. In addition to this, it often takes a great deal of patience for parents to see that behind the difficult behaviour, there is anxiety and uncertainty. Many parents will respond angrily to their children's behaviour, when what the children want is for their parents to be calm, to know exactly how they are feeling and why. If parents seem not to understand, children can feel that the parents are ignoring their feelings on purpose, which can in turn exacerbate their difficult behaviour. It is important for parents to try and talk calmly to children about the things that are worrying them, and to reassure them whenever possible.

Teenagers

The teenage years can be a fraught time for adolescents and parents alike. It is a time of rapid physical development and emotional change and this can be very uncomfortable. Signs of anxiety among adolescents might be revealed through over-eating or under-eating, excessive sleepiness, and over-concern with appearance. Some adolescents will experience phobias and panic attacks may occur. For the majority of young people the feelings of uncertainty, turmoil and unhappiness that are all part of adolescence, do not mean that they will go on to develop more serious problems. However, for a minority of adolescents, specialist help may be necessary.

Parents can play an important role in helping their children through this difficult time. Strategies that parents can develop include:

setting clear ground rules for the young person - these should be reasonable and become less restrictive as older children become more responsible.

be prepared to really listen to your child - adolescents are much more likely to confide in you and trust you if they feel that you will respond to their worries and not automatically criticise them.

find support for yourself - many parents feel rejected by their adolescent offspring and are uncertain how to support them. Talking to other parents and to your partner can make you feel less isolated.

When the young person's anxiety is such that it is causing them prolonged distress or it is interfering with their lives; stopping them from going out with friends, or having relationships or hobbies, for example, then you might want to consider asking for professional help. For further information on where to go for help, see Section 3.

Section 2: Why do children become anxious?

Reasons for being generally anxious

There is a range of reasons why children and young people become anxious. In most cases, when children are extremely anxious there is a very real cause to this; perhaps they are having difficulties at school, (for example) being bullied. Anxiety can also have no apparent cause, but be very real in its own right, and cannot be overcome by willpower. However, attempts to get children to master their anxiety by telling them "not to be so silly" will fail.

Below are a number of reasons why children and young people might become anxious.

a temperamental disposition. Anxiety can run in families. There is a genetic predisposition to some children being anxious.

physical illness or disability

family problems

school worries

problems with friends and activities out of school

Physical illness and disabilities

Being physically ill may cause children to become anxious. For example, if a child has a severe asthma attack, fears of dying
may be aroused, or overprotective attitudes by parents or carers may be provoked.

Children and young people with physical disabilities may be caused a great deal of anxiety as a result of other children's responses to them.

Reasons within the family

Rows between parents

Young children feel insecure and threatened when they hear their parents rowing, especially when children hear threats by one parent to hurt the other, or to leave home, or when they overhear insults which they do not know whether to believe.

Many parents, when faced with an unsympathetic partner, turn to their children, for support and a listening ear. This can be destructive for the child, placing them in an impossible situation and often resulting in the child feeling extremely anxious.

During and after a row parents are angry and unlikely to be able to comfort their child. Either parent may be upset at a time when their child needs them. The parent may push them away, which can confirm the child's sense of guilt at being somehow to blame.

Recent parental divorce

Parental separation and divorce are usually painful and distressing for children They continue to love the parent who leaves the home and cannot understand why their parents cannot live together. The child may think that it is their fault that their parents have separated, and this, in addition to divided loyalties between the parents, can result in the child feeling very insecure and anxious. It is important for parents who divorce to tell their children that they will not be abandoned and that the divorce is not their fault. It is also important not to criticise the other absent parent in the children's hearing or ask the children to take sides.

Parental illness

If a parent is ill, young children may also assume that this is their fault. Children readily think that the illness is because of something they thought or did (or didn't do).

Some children start to think that they should be ill or die themselves instead of their parent. This sort of thinking is very private and children do not talk about it easily. It is often wise to answer children's questions about illness in a factual but not overly detailed way and take the opportunity to state that its cause was nothing to do with them.

Parents seeking reassurance from their children

A few anxious parents ask their children for reassurance that they are loved by them, that they are doing the right thing, or that their children will never leave them in later life. This places a huge burden on children who easily come to believe that they are responsible for their parent's state of mind. Parents should reassure children, not the other way around.

Parents using excessive threats to control their children

Managing children's behaviour is difficult. Clear instructions and the use of praise, coupled with clear limits to bad behaviour such as sending children to their room or withdrawing privileges, are usually sufficient. However, a few parents find that these are too difficult or insufficient and resort to issuing wild threats. After a while, most children discover that these are bluffs and the harassed parent makes the threats more terrifying. When these involve threats of abandoning the child ("I'll put you in a home"... "I'll just go away one of these days...") children can become seriously anxious. This can result in making them feel irritable so that they offend the parent more and the threats intensify. Positive disciplining, giving encouragement to the child's good behaviour and not constantly highlighting the bad, can be a much more effective way of promoting the desired behaviour and increasing your child's confidence.

Reasons at school

Troubles with other children

Bullying, rejection and teasing are widespread in schools. It can sometimes be difficult for adults to understand the distress and misery bullying causes, especially if the bullying is "only" teasing and name-calling. But being persistently teased can make children very unhappy. It can lead to low self-esteem, with the child feeling that they deserve to be bullied. It can also lead to problems in later life. Some adults who were bullied as children find that they often get depressed, lack self-confidence and feel resentful.

There are positive steps that schools can take to stop bullying. Effective ways include the school making it clear that all pupils have a right not to be bullied, encouraging pupils that is not wrong to "tell" and that when bullying occurs measures will be taken to stop it.

Parents too can play an important role in supporting children who have been bullied; by listening to what the child is saying about their experiences and believing them, and by working with them to rebuild their sense of self-esteem.

Troubles with schoolwork

Children can become extremely depressed as a result of unattainable academic expectations that they feel teachers or parents have of them. For example, consistent low achievement, or a fear of failure can lead to a child fearing rejection from parents and friends and becoming extremely anxious. Constant encouragement and support is the best way of encouraging children to fulfil their potential.

Troubles with teachers

Some teachers and children just do not hit it off. If you think that your child is being treated unfairly by a teacher, take it up with that teacher but not in a confrontational way. Parents do not always realise that children can be very different at home than at school.

Reasons outside home and school

There are a host of things which children, especially teenagers can get anxious about. Worries about girlfriends and boyfriends are near the top of the list. Anxieties about getting into trouble with authorities such as the police sometimes feature. If parents have managed to keep talking to their children then it is more likely that they will ask for their help with anything which is worrying them.

Specific fears

It is common sense that a child may learn to fear something because of a frightening experience. More perplexing are the irrational phobias which some children develop. Mostly these are severe forms of the common fears which affect many young children, but in the teens, more complicated fears can develop. When these cannot be reasoned away and prevent someone from carrying out ordinary activities they are called phobias. Several characteristic patterns of phobias are recognised in children and teenagers.

Social phobia

It is not uncommon for teenagers to be shy, but if a fear of talking or eating in public or of being looked at becomes so strong the young person cannot face other people at all, then a phobia has developed.

Agoraphobia

Just as with adults, some teenagers (but not young children) come to fear open spaces, waiting in queues, and brightly lit public places. This may stop them from being able to attend school or take part in social activities.

School phobia

Many children are fearful of starting a new school but get over their anxiety within a few days of actually attending. A few children, however, develop a powerful fear of attending school and find themselves unable to leave home and go to school - even though they may have said they intend to go. This often becomes an issue after a child has been off school for a while, for example as a result of a lengthy illness.

Obsessions

Anxious repetitive thoughts that crowd the mind and are difficult to get rid of (even though the person knows they are senseless) are obsessions. Often, they give rise to compulsive rituals such as counting, hand-washing or cleaning, which are intended to ward off such thoughts or deal with the anxieties that they produce. For instance, children may feel they have to say good night nine times or they might die in their sleep. These obsessive rituals can be unpleasant and severe, much more distressing than the simple rituals that children put into their games. Their cause is not known but it is now recognised that they are not as uncommon in childhood as was once thought.

Eating disorders

A frequent cause of stress for many young people, and also increasingly for children, is their appearance and the desire to be thin, resulting in many children and young people experimenting with diets or refusing to eat certain foods. For some young people, a difficult relationship with food can become a serious eating problem that can have a damaging effect on their physical and emotional health.

Anorexia nervosa

Children and young people with anorexia nervosa have an extreme fear of normal body weight and feel fat, even when they have lost a great deal of weight. The young person may starve themselves by eating only tiny quantities of food, many may also take quantities of laxatives and may exercise vigorously in order to lose more weight. Anorexia affects many more girls than boys, although boys do suffer from this too.

Bulimia

Bulimia tends to affect slightly older people, although adolescents can suffer from it. People with bulimia gorge themselves on
food in "binges" and then make themselves sick to get rid of the food. They may also take large numbers of laxatives. They may
not look overweight or underweight, which can make their eating problems difficult to detect. Continuous bingeing and vomiting
can eventually do serious harm to the body.

As well as having a serious effect on a young person's physical health, eating disorders are often a sign that something is troubling them emotionally. They may be linked to unhappiness at home, pressures at school or major changes to family life.

Self-harming behaviour

Another worrying sign of distress and depression amongst young people is self-harming behaviour. Young women are twice as likely to self-harm as young men. The most common form of self-harming behaviour is cutting but it can also include bruising, scraping, burning or other self-inflicted wounds. These injuries can release feelings of self-hatred, anger and anxiety, and can provide a means of self-punishment or of taking control.

It used to be believed that self-harming behaviour was "attention-seeking", however, there is now a greater understanding of the underlying problems and low self-worth associated with self-injury. Help should be available to all young people who self-harm, both immediately following episodes of self-harming and follow-up help. This is especially important as a number of young people who self-harm do also attempt suicide.

Suicide

Suicide amongst 15- to 24-year-old young men increased by 85% from 1980 to 1990. A variety of causes are seen to be responsible for this: fear of unemployment, an increase in drug use, having parents with marital problems or inconsistent parental discipline, and crises in relationships.

Young people who reveal suicidal behaviour or thoughts should receive medical help, initially from the General Practitioner but also more specialist help. In addition to this, young people should receive social support, which might include support from a social
worker or a support group. Parents have a key role to play as well, encouraging the young person to talk about their difficulties and
discuss with them ways of coping with difficult circumstances.

Section 3: What to do

It is clear that a number of causes of general anxiety in childhood can be prevented or managed by sensible handling. This is also true for many of the specific fears - as has been outlined in this leaflet, there are practical things that parents can do when these arise. For the illogical fears which are not severe enough to be called phobias, simple explanations and reassurance will help many children gradually get over them.

Anxiety or fear which is causing the child or teenager prolonged distress, or is interfering with everyday events such as going
out with family or friends or having relationships or hobbies, will often need special treatment. This treatment will nearly always
take place in a clinic without the child having to be admitted to the hospital.

There are a number of professionals who can help children and young people who are extremely anxious.

The GP

An important starting point in getting help for your child is often your local GP. It is important to be clear with the GP about the nature of your worries, and s/he should carry out a detailed interview with you and your child, enquiring into such areas as the relationship between you and your child, concerns regarding school and friends, and other difficulties that your child might be experiencing. Some GPs have counsellors attached to their practices, and they might suggest that your child talks to the counsellor about their anxiety, or they might refer them to counsellors outside the practice.

Specialist help

For other children and young people, the GP might feel that more specialist help is appropriate. If this is the case, they will refer your child to another professional for further assessment. These will most likely be:

Child and adolescent psychiatrists. These are doctors specially trained to help with anxiety in children. Child psychiatrists work in a range of settings, including hospital departments, child guidance clinics and community child and family consultation centres.

Clinical psychologists use psychological methods which can be particularly helpful with phobias. Both groups of professionals often work together.

Educational psychologists and education welfare officers may become involved in helping your child if their anxieties are about school.

In some instances, social workers might also become involved, particularly if your child's anxieties are specifically to do with their home life. The social worker might meet all the members of the family in order to help resolve any difficulties. One form of this help is called Family Therapy, although social workers can help in many other ways.

Many professionals are part of a multi-disciplinary team. These multi-disciplinary teams are often an important part of child and adolescent mental health services within a given area.

How are most anxieties treated?

This is usually achieved by talking to or helping children and parents to understand how the problem has developed so that children can understand and overcome the anxiety.

Specific fears are usually treated by helping children confront their fear in a way and at a pace that they can manage, for example by carefully planning a gradual return to school in the case of a school phobia.

Some older children can be taught how to relax.

Some children with general anxiety, which is hard to understand, can benefit from psychotherapy - intensive talking with a psychotherapist or professional skilled at this.

Talking with small children about worries is quite often helped if they are encouraged to draw or play with small toys. Children tend to reveal their preoccupation in some of their play, and skilled observation can understand this.

It is very unusual for anxious children to be treated with drugs although some obsessional problems and a few young people with panic attacks may find these helpful.

Anxiety and fear are unpleasant and can be the cause of substantial suffering in childhood and adolescence. Within the National Health Service there are a number of professionals, particularly within the Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Clinical Psychology Services, who are experts in such matters. If you think that your child or teenager is unusually anxious, you may be able to use the information in this booklet to help matters yourself. There are also helplines for parents to discuss worries and concerns confidentially. These can also refer you to sources of specialist help in your local area. For more information on these, see Section 4.

Otherwise, you can go to your GP who may be able to help directly or will refer your child to the most appropriate local service. Again, if you are unsure what this will entail, do not be afraid to ask. There are many organisations, listed in Section 4 that will be able to help you.

Asking for help does not mean that your child is seriously disturbed nor does it mean that they are going to be taken away from you or admitted to hospital against your will. It does mean that they will be helped.

Section 4: Sources of help for parents

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A booklet for parents and carers wanting to know more about anxiety in children and young people.

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School anxiety and refusal: How parents can help their child get through tough times

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School anxiety and refusal: How parents can help their child get through tough times

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School phobia, or school-related anxiety - sometimes called 'school refusal' - is when your child feels fearful or anxious about school and/or is unable to go to school. It's also referred to as emotionally-based school avoidance (EBSA) or anxiety-related absence.
It can happen at any age, and it can be more common among children with additional or special educational needs (SEN). There can be many reasons why your child might experience school anxiety, but dealing with it can be stressful for you as a parent, as well as your child.

Parents' Toolkit has teamed up with educational psychologist Dr Amanda Furness and SEN advisory teacher Sarah Barton to give you advice on how to handle 'school refusal' and where to go for help.

'School refusal' is a catch-all term used to describe when a child is anxious about or unable to attend school.

Dr Amanda Furness points out the term can be misleading because, "it implies that children and young people are making a choice not to attend", whereas in reality there are likely to be many interacting contributing factors. Therefore many people prefer to call it emotionally-based school avoidance (EBSA).

There's some evidence to suggest more pupils have experienced challenges getting in to school since the Covid-19 pandemic. In the autumn term of 2021, almost 1.7m children missed seven days of school or more. Even allowing for some Covid disruption, that figure is significantly higher than before the pandemic.

Dr Furness says difficulties attending school, whether primary or secondary, "can happen suddenly or build over time" and "can be very complex and are likely to be due to a range of interactive factors". However, reasons for not wanting to go back in can include anxieties around...

social and/or work pressures at school

difficulties maintaining positive relationships with peers or staff

unmet needs (eg: additional needs or feeling unsafe)

home and/or family factors

sensory needs making the environment feel overwhelming

Other reasons include a range of socioeconomic factors, plus some parents choosing to electively home educate their children because they feel their child's needs were no longer being met in school.

Dr Furness says: "It's common for young people who feel unable to attend school to experience heightened anxiety," but it might not always show up in a " typical way". Some ways you might spot it in your child include...

not wanting to get up, get ready or go to school

anxiety and heightened emotions when getting ready to leave for school

physical symptoms like headaches, stomach ache or feeling sick

a change in behaviour either by becoming more withdrawn or acting out more

trouble sleeping or getting to sleep

not doing schoolwork or performing worse at school

not going into school without telling you

When a child elects not to go to school it can have a knock on effect for others - especially for a parent or carer who may then have to stay off work, but the resulting stress can then exacerbate feelings of guilt or worry in the child.

It can be a worrying time for you as a parent, so go easy on yourself and your child. The most important thing is to listen to your child and to try and be calm, patient and show empathy. It's also important to look after yourself and seek support when you need it.

Dr Furness says start by working together with your child and their school to identify patterns or possible triggers.

Consider whether there are any current social difficulties or learning challenges, or if there have been any events or triggers that could have caused a change in the way the child feels about school."

"It's important to have open and non-confrontational conversations with young people about what they're finding difficult, remembering that they may not be able to verbalise this fully themselves."

Start talking to your child's school as early as you can. "Most schools will suggest talking with the class teacher first, and this can be escalated to the school Special Educational Needs and Disability Coordinator (SENDCo), who will be able to advise on support. Also - have open conversations with school staff who monitor attendance."

If your child is able to make it into school, you can still support them by talking through the school day and discussing what might help at each stage, linking them up with a pastoral staff member and/or peer buddy at school, providing a safe space for them within school, and having a 'time-out' or 'exit' card they can use in class if they feel anxious.

Some children may also benefit from extra responsibilities at school, or involvement in sport or extracurricular activities. Discuss what might work best with your child's teacher or SENDCo.

If your child isn't able to get into school, avoid arguing with them and be supportive of any small achievements they make, like putting their uniform on or walking to the school gates, even if they can't go in.
Keep in regular contact with school and work with them on strategies to help your child, including work for them to do at home if necessary. Keep a note of your correspondence as you may be asked to provide evidence that your child isn't well enough to be in school.

Sarah Barton works with children and parents in Rochdale who've decided to electively home educate their child, often due to emotionally-based school avoidance. She advises getting help whilst your child is still enrolled at school...

"See what's available at your local Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service (CAMHS) - do they have a drop-in centre? Look into local charities like Thrive that can support you. Talk to school about what support will look like, how it can be measured - in terms of goal-setting - and how you'll adjust things as you go along."

Get in touch with CAMHS as early as possible if you have any concerns about your child's mental health - waiting times for CAHMS have risen since the pandemic with the average wait last year being more than two months, topping eight months in some areas. Our mental health first aid kit for parents can guide you through steps to take and offers some things you can do whilst you and your child are waiting to access these services.

It's also worth making an appointment with your GP to check for any neurological issues and to discuss next steps.

Dr Furness says children with special educational needs (SEN), "may experience heightened anxiety due to social factors, environmental factors (e.g. sensory needs), or learning barriers."

"Some children with social, emotional and mental health needs can experience high levels of stress. They may mask these needs in school and show them more at home until they're no longer able to maintain their masking. This often leads to a seemingly sudden change in their attendance or behaviour."

Take things slowly with your child and gradually introduce tasks for them to complete, to help them get to school or cope once they're in school.

Whilst each child's needs will be individual to them, Dr Furness recommends identifying a 'safe place' and 'safe adult' in school, particularly around transitions. "If you know your child is anxious about school, be proactive in getting support in place before this escalates. Work with the SENDCo to identify potential barriers and reasonable adjustments that can be made."

Sarah Barton adds: "Talk to the school about a bespoke support package for your child, for example: who do they report to when they get into school? Should we have a phone call with the family at the end of the day? What plan is in place if your child doesn't go in that day?"

You can also apply to your local authority for an education, health and care plan (EHC) which will work out your child's educational, health and/or social needs and set out the additional support needed to meet those needs.

Dr Furness says support will look different for each child, but some ideas include...

Ensure each day is a fresh start. Often pupils who've been unable to attend school then feel they can't reintegrate.

Try to avoid a 'shame cycle'. Acknowledge their difficulty, validate their feelings and explain that you can work together to overcome barriers.

Work with the school to identify learning that can be done at home. This will help to ensure that your child doesn't feel like they've fallen behind too much.

Be proactive in lowering baseline levels of anxiety. For example, through mindfulness activities around transition points.

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School anxiety and refusal: How parents can help their child get through tough times - BBC Parents' Toolkit

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Emotionally-based school avoidance, or 'school refusal', has increased since the pandemic. Here are tips to help parents to understand what causes it and to help their child cope.

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School Anxiety and Non Attendance - Young Minds

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School Anxiety and Non Attendance - Young Minds

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It's normal for children and young people to feel worried about something that's happening at school - for example, when starting a new school or during exams. Sometimes, however, school can become challenging, stressful or distressing over a much longer period of time.

If your child is feeling anxious about school, or not able to go, it can be exhausting for both of you. Mornings in particular can become really stressful for the whole family, as you try to juggle your child's feelings alongside the need to get them to school and get on with your other responsibilities such as work. Even if you manage to get your child to the school gate, you might know how difficult they're going to find the day - or know that you'll be facing the same problem tomorrow morning.

If you're in this situation, we've got advice to help you explore what's going on with your child, make changes at school that can help, and find the support you need if your child can't go to school.

Young people can feel anxious about school for lots of different reasons. They might be worried about making friends or fitting in, find schoolwork or lessons confusing, feel pressured to learn in a certain way or find their relationships with teachers difficult.

Sometimes, going through difficult experiences outside of school - such as bereavement, an illness in the family or being a young carer - can also make it harder for a child to feel settled at school.

For some young people, the school environment isn't right for them, and trying to fit into it can create a huge amount of stress. This might be the case if they are struggling with their mental health, or have a neurodiverse condition or Special Educational Need (SEN) such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia or dyspraxia. This can make the school environment anxiety-provoking and exhausting, especially if their condition or need is undiagnosed or not being well supported.

Young people might show they're feeling anxious about school by:

not wanting to get up and get ready

saying they can't go

worrying a lot about small issues, such as having the right equipment for a lesson

feeling sick, or having stomach aches or headaches

not sleeping well

not doing schoolwork, or their grades dropping

being angry or upset, or acting out - at school or at home

withdrawing - seeming low, quiet or depressed

It's often difficult for your child to articulate the problem. They may be in a heightened state of stress and not know why or feel able to explain. Your child probably wants to feel able to be in school, just as much as you want them to be there. In many cases it just doesn't feel possible.

Sometimes it can be difficult to work out what's making your child feel anxious, and the first step is often helping them to identify exactly what's worrying them. Once you understand the problem, you'll be in a much better position to make changes that can help.

Young people can find it hard to explain what's causing their feelings, and might not be able to answer direct questions like 'what's going on?' Using an anxiety iceberg can help to open up the conversation - giving you a more relaxed way of exploring together what's causing their anxiety.

Watch our video to find out how to make an anxiety iceberg with your child.

If you're making an anxiety iceberg with younger children, you might want to draw images on the iceberg, or encourage them to write simple words. With older children and teenagers, you can ask them to write key words and phrases on the iceberg, or do this as a mind map, with 'school' in the middle and all the things they're finding difficult around the outside.

Through this exercise, you might identify worries such as arriving at school, finding the environment noisy or overwhelming, finding lessons confusing, feeling lonely through the day, or feeling uncomfortable during specific subjects.

Once you understand what's going on for your child, you can use their anxiety iceberg or mind map to communicate with the school and ask for specific changes.

Follow these steps to start a conversation with the school:

Here are some examples of things you can ask the school for:

Remember that even though this situation can be really tough for you and your child, it's a good idea to maintain a positive relationship with the school. Recognise the support they're offering and any changes they're making. This will help you work together to make things better for your child.

Building a relationship with the attendance team at my son's school was hugely helpful, we were talking with them each day.

If your child isn't going to school at the moment, it might feel incredibly stressful and tiring. You might be worried about when they will be able to get back to school or the impact on their education. Or you might feel overwhelmed because you're juggling this alongside work and other family commitments. Things are probably feeling tough for your child too.

During this time, it's important to keep working with teachers and other staff to try strategies that can help your child get back to school. Keep encouraging them to take achievable steps towards attending too. When the right support is in place, it's often easier for a young person to get back into their usual routine if they can return to school as quickly as possible.

If your child's anxiety about school has built up to the point where they can't go, it's a good idea to get them some professional mental health or SEN support. Find out how to do this further down the page.

Alongside requesting professional help, try to:

The school's SEN and attendance policies should be on their website. Knowing what these are can support you during meetings with the school.

This can help if your child is unable to go to school for a longer period of time and you need to ask for more support, including provision of alternative full-time education.

Encourage your child to get up, do some studying and stop for lunch at the same times they would if they were in school. This will make adapting back to school easier. Explain to your child that if they cannot go to school, they will need to study at home - at least until alternative arrangements are put in place. Ask the school to help you facilitate tasks and activities your child can do and use online resources such as BBC Bitesize.

Not going to school could leave your child feeling really isolated. Make sure they stay connected to the outside world by seeing friends and family, doing activities they enjoy and getting outside for walks and exercise.

Speaking to friends online can be really important if your child is feeling isolated at home. Sometimes, however, you might notice that your child is spending lots of time gaming or on their phone, and that this is getting in the way of important daily activities like spending quality time with family, learning, or sleeping and eating well. If this is becoming a problem, have a look at our guide to gaming or guide to social media for more information and advice.

Local authorities must provide alternative education if a child of compulsory school age is unable to attend school over a longer period of time. If your child cannot attend school because of a mental or physical health issue, the local authority should provide an alternative as soon as it is clear that they will be away from school for more than 15 days (either consecutively or over time). Find out how to request alternative education.

Getting back to school after weeks or months may feel extremely difficult for your child, but you and the school can help make it more manageable. Here are some things you can do to help:

Set small, achievable targets, such as visiting the building outside school hours or attending one lesson.

Request a home visit from a school staff member so your child can check in while feeling safe, see that the school cares and discuss any strategies that might help them.

Ask for a reduced timetable, with regular reviews to discuss building back up at a manageable rate.

Discuss changing classes or sets if your child thinks this would help.

Focus on qualifications needed for what your child wants to do next, perhaps dropping a less relevant GCSE to reduce stress.

My son wasn't questioned about his absence when he did feel able to pop in for favourite lessons, helping to ease him back into full days of education.

If your child is struggling with anxiety and it's affecting their day-to-day life, learning or relationships, it's a good idea to find some professional support. Speaking to the GP and finding them a counsellor or therapist are two good places to start. You can find more information about GPs, counsellors and other mental health services in our guide to getting support from mental health services.

If there is no other obvious reason for your child's inability to attend school, they may have an undiagnosed Special Educational Need (SEN) such as dyslexia, autism or ADHD.

If you think this is the case:

Speak to the school's SENCO or your GP to ask for a referral for an assessment.

While you are waiting for an assessment, you can also ask the SENCO to refer your child for support from other professionals, such as an Educational Psychologist or Speech and Language Therapist. These professionals can identify specific needs and make recommendations for additional support the school can put in place - even if your child hasn't had a formal diagnosis yet.

SEN support at school
If your child is diagnosed with SEN, extra support and adjustments should be put in place at school to help them attend and learn. This is called SEN support, and should be available within the school's existing resources. Speak to the school's SENCO in the first instance about how the school will support your child.
Education, Health and Care (EHC) plans
If you do not think your child's needs can be met by the school's existing resources, you can ask the local authority to carry out an Education, Health and Care needs assessment (EHC needs assessment). If the local authority decides your child needs additional support, they will then make an Education, Health and Care plan (EHC plan). This outlines how the extra support they need will be provided. Find out more about EHC plans.
Your Local Offer
Your Local Offer is the information, support and services available for young people with SEN, and for their parents and families. You can find out what support is available in your area by going to your local authority's website and searching for their Local Offer.

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

We have more tips and advice on supporting your child with school, and information about how you can get in touch with our Parents Helpline.
This page was reviewed in December 2022. It was created with parents and carers with lived experience of supporting their child or young person with school anxiety. We will next review the page in 2025. YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK - the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.
Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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School Anxiety and Refusal | Parent Guide to Support

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If your child is anxious about school, or refusing to go to school at all, read our tips and advice on how you can support their mental health.

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National Autistic Society- Autism and School Non-Attendance

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National Autistic Society- Autism and School Non-Attendance

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A guide for parents or carers of autistic children with advice on how to help your child go to school.

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One Education - EBSA Introduction for Parents/Carers

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One Education - EBSA Introduction for Parents/Carers

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There are lots of way to feel calmer. Try our breathing exercises, activities and games or watch a video to help let go of stress.

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Coping with Stress - Supporting Children

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Coping with Stress - Supporting Children

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Most people feel stressed sometimes. And it's completely natural. But that doesn't mean it's easy to deal with. Get our tips to help you deal with stress, no matter what's causing it.

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Four Coping Techniques for When You Feel Anxious

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Georgie shares her top coping techniques that she’s found have really helped and reduced her anxiety.

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Five Finger Breathing Exercise Worksheet In Colorful Playful Style

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Square Breathing Exercise Worksheet In Colorful Playful Style

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Self-care is about the things we can do to look after our own mental health. Young people told us that when they are struggling they are usually told to see a professional. They don't often get much advice about how they could help themselves.

We spoke to professionals and looked at academic research. Then we drew up a list of strategies young people use (you can see the process in this self-care infographic). We also published a report following a consultation with young people and their families online.

We're sharing these strategies with you to help you to manage your wellbeing. It's up to you to decide what helps. If it works, keep doing it. If it doesn't, stop and try something else. And you can help us build an evidence-base for these activities by letting us know what works by clicking on the 'Did this activity help your mental wellbeing' button on each page. This will help us decide which ones to research further. We've also created a booklet to help you create your own self-care plan as part of our and another booklet with advice for young parents and carers on looking after their wellbeing.

These activities are not a substitute for seeing a mental health professional. Sometimes we need outside help and advice. Getting help is good. No-one should feel bad about it. That's what this site is about.

This self-care section was developed by Common Room and young people from mental health support group Hearts & Minds.

These strategies were identified by young people aged 11-25 though some strategies might not be appropriate for all ages without support or guidance of a trusted adult.

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Resources to enable the prioritisation of mental health and wellbeing

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NHS- Mental Health and Self Care for Young People

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NHS- Mental Health and Self Care for Young People

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Get more support

If you're struggling with your mental health, or you're worried about one of your friends, there are lots of organisations and charities that offer help specifically for young people.

Support from charities for young people

The Mix has a free, confidential telephone helpline and online service that aims to find you the best help, whatever the problem.

Shout 85258 provides free, confidential, 24/7 text message support in the UK for anyone struggling to cope. They can help with issues including suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, abuse, self-harm, relationship problems and bullying. Text "Shout" to 85258 to speak to an empathetic, trained volunteer who will listen and work with you to solve problems.

Young Minds offers support and advice including practical tips and advice from young people, as well as information on where to get support.

If you're under 19, you can also call Childline on 0800 1111 to talk. The number will not appear on your phone bill.

Support from the NHS

You can find more information about NHS children and young people's mental health services (CYPMHS) on the NHS website. You can also look at your local Clinical Commissioning Group website.

Alternatively, most services also have their own website with information about access, referrals (including whether you can "self-refer") and contact details - try searching in your area for "CYPMHS" or "CAMHS" (children and adolescent mental health services, an older term used for some CYPMHS).

You can also talk to an adult you trust - for example a parent, carer, teacher, social worker or GP - and they can look into this for you.

Support for different groups

There are lots of organisations and networks who provide advice and support for specific groups. It can help to connect with other young people and supporters who understand where you are coming from:

Support for learnig disabilities and autism

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Self-care tips videos for young people - Every Mind Matters

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Mental health self-care has never been more important - watch our videos for loads of advice and techniques to help you cope with stress and anxiety, and boost your mental wellbeing

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A film describes five ways that you can look after your mental health and wellbeing. PSHE classroom resource.