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A strength of your theme analysis paragraph was that you used good sentences in the explanation. For example, a sentence I particularly liked was “Being mean to others will just add to bullies in the world and we already have enough bullying.” This truly showed why the theme was important. In addition, I also liked that you chose an important theme. Bullying is one of the most important issues in life. This Pixar Short had a lot of possible themes, but you chose this one. However, you could work on eliminating repetition. For example, in the three part explanation, you said “instead of running away from them” twice, and you did some other stuff. I suggest you use some synonyms or something like that.

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Hey, Matt I found in your theme analysis that you explained the evidence very well in your explanation. For example, in your analysis you stated. "It also shows how everyone needs to try new things to find what they are good at." This really made the reader understand what you're saying. To add on, you used great transitions like. "Without a doubt" and, "To expand on that." It was a great and unique word choice. However, I noticed you used personal pronouns in your sum it up like. "You're, You" this would ruin you sum it up, so to change this I would instead say. "One, One's, Individuals." This would make your analysis much better. Otherwise, you did a fantastic job!

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Hey, Matt! A strength of your theme analysis paragraph, “Lifted” is the amount of detail you put into explaining what could happen because of the alien not doing something right. To conclude, I really liked how you emotionally explained what could have happened to the alien if he just gave up and stop what he was doing but he didn’t and kept pushing on. However, a suggestion that I can offer for improvement is to replace every part that says children and replace it with people or humans so it doesn't sound like their only going after kids.

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A strength of your theme analysis paragraph, “The Lifted Lesson” was that you elaborated and explained what your theme meant in your own words. In addition, you used great transitions in the whole piece. I thought your best transition was “To truly show.” However, you could have edited your piece a bit more. I found a lot of run-on sentences and unnecessary spaces. I feel like it would be better if you removed those.

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Hi Matt! One thing I found good in your essay is your explanation because it is beautiful and colorful and the reader really understands what you’re trying to say about animals in classrooms being good. I really liked how you put a lot of transition words because they make the reader a little excited. However I think you could add more descriptions because the reader doesn’t understand why you support animals in classrooms. Overall I think your essay is beautiful.

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Hi Matt! A strength of your essay is your explanation because it is beautiful and colorful and the reader really understands what you’re trying to say about video games being good. I really liked how you put a lot of transition words because they make the reader a little exited. However I think you could add more descriptions because the reader doesn’t understand why you support video games. Overall I think you’ve written a beautiful essay keep it up!

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Hey Matthew, A strength in your essay “Games Proven Good” is the way you explained parts throughout your essay and all the work you put into researching and writing it. I like how in your explanation you explained everything that could happen because of kids not playing video games as you could not be getting good grades. They could also be failing their classes and not understand why their getting such bad grades. In doing so, you truly support each of your explanations in your body paragraphs. Another one that I liked as well is that you followed all instructions and made everything as perfect as you possibly could. So far as I read I’ve only seen one or two errors but besides everything as you did it perfectly. I did love your story but I believe you could have developed some scenes with more detail and descriptive language so the people reading it could have a clearer picture in their head of what you were talking about as they read through your essay. For instance instead of saying “ The kid playing video games is passing all his classes while the kid who isn’t playing video games is failing all his classes.” you could have said “a kid who plays video games is getting excellent grades in all classes while kid who isn’t is getting terrible grades and is not sure why.”

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Hello Matt one star I noticed in your piece was the way you showed what will happen instead of just what was happening this was shown when you talked about the video games allowing you to get a better job and lots of other parts. One wish I have for your piece is maybe more explanation

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Hi Matt! A strength of you’re essay, Your scenarios are very strong to me. I think you’re explaining is awesome. In addition I like how your claims are very strong. This can help the reader understand better. However I think you could add more descriptions. Because the reader doesn’t understand why. Overall I think you’ve written a beautiful essay keep it up!

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A strength of your essay, “Games Proven Good” is that you targeted the most important benefits of video games which helped enhance your essay. These were the most important topics for most people. Another strength of your essay was that you elaborated a lot on your explanations. I could understand clearly what you were saying. However, you could work on elaborating more on your introduction paragraph. I couldn’t understand why the kid that played video games got good grades.

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I really like how you did your essay! Well thought, in good order and it doesn’t have many to no errors! I also like how at the 4th paragraph you used that fact about that marine with burns and how he felt less pain when he played video games! All I can say is that this is a really well thought out essay! However, I feel like you could add a bit more details in your anecdotes.

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I absolutely love this! The transition words are so cool and the reasons are well-ly thought out! The whole paragraph is a very good length for the well reasons, and questions. Though, this story does struggle with being on *both* sides. I do think you planned all of it very well, but i still expect some understanding of the other side.

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The best part of your story was without a doubt the end. I really like how you had a lesson at the end and how Margot ran away to go to earth but then came back and went to earth anyway. It was a big twist that I was not expecting and it had so much emotion it was a really good story. Something else that I liked was how dramatic Margot was in your story. She was never really happy till the end. For example you wrote “fine she said angrily. This added a lot of emotion to your writing. EXPLODE THE MOMENT!!! You didn’t explain enough of what happened outside and what happened while Margot was in the closet.

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A strength of your memoir “the sun's return” was how far you continued the piece after the end where she went to the space station to see the sun. This was a great way to continue her ark of not being able to see sun at first but getting to at the end. I also really enjoyed how you changed some of the word choice from the original piece at the beginning such as when you made Margot and the rest of the class have a back and forth at the beginning. The only thing you could have changed is maybe expanding the time that Margot was in the closet as it seemed like she got put in and then only a few minutes later it rained and she got taken out. Yet other then that this is one of the best narratives i read yet!

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Hey Matt I think a really good strength of your narrative “ the sun returns “ is all detail you added to it especially the speaker tags with it switching between Margot the teacher and the other kids I love how every time I kept reading I could see people talking and I really liked how much of the speaker tags you add of Margot running away and the kids and teacher running after her and telling her to stop!In addition, I like how you developed the ending of the story and added a lot onto it. You added things like what happened after they let her out and how she felt after hearing about that she missed seeing the sunlight and what she did after hearing about it. For instance after hearing about missing the sunlight she ran away saying she wanted to go back to her home on earth. Also when she was excited that her parents paid for her to go back to earth she was excited as she could be to hear that news.However, I was a bit confused when you said a kid said “Hey, let's shove her in the closet and lock her in!” And they picked her up and they miraculously appeared in the closet. I just want to say I feel like I  would’ve understood it a little bit better if you had explained how you got to the closet instead of just showing up there out of thin air!

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This was honestly a really good narrative for a short story. I too worked on this, but I think you did a really good job overall. I like how you gave Margot a personality and how the story changed up when Margot got back to class. The figurative language was also good too. However I feel like you could’ve give the reader more of Margot’s POV, an example of this is one of the paragraphs is about all the kids outside and stuff. I feel like the story might have been a little more interesting if you gave the reader a little bit more of Margot’s perspective.

Good Job! Keep up the good work! ^^

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One thing you did well in your narrative, “The Sun’s Return” was describe the emotions of Margot. I could perfectly understand what she was feeling and how she was depressed. Another thing you did well was make a short story so well. Usually, short stories are not supposed to be narratives, but you pulled it off really well, and the story was great. However, you could work on not rushing dialogue. You need to space out the dialogue, tell what happens as they are talking. Overall, it wa a great story.