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Firstly, Ying Ying is constantly paranoid about her daughter's safety and awareness about the dangers of men in public due to her tragic last marriage in which she was raped, cheated on, and had an abortion. After reflecting on her life and her trauma, she mulled over what she'd tell her daughter Lena to make her aware of the dangers of her life "So I will tell Lena of my shame…That I became abandoned goods. I will tell her that at eighteen the prettiness drained from my cheeks. That I thought of throwing myself in the lake like the other ladies of shame. And I will tell her of the baby I killed because I came to hate this man so much" (Tan 281). Ying Ying already has a plan to warn her daughter of the man who was detrimental to her and her late child's life. She is planning

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Suyuan had no choice but to give up her twin daughters as she was fleeing Japanese soldiers. She knows this is the best chance, that "her daughters would be found by a kindhearted person who would care for them" (Tan, 3??).  Still, the guilt she felt stayed with her and this caused her to overcompensate in her relationship with June. June often feels stifled by her mother and how she treats her. Suyuan becomes overprotective because of the trauma she went through and it has a negative impact on her relationship with her daughter.

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To begin, the story of Suyuan Woo exhibits the theme of sacrifice when Suyuan is attempting to ensure safety for her children. When Suyuan is fleeing her home due to war and is nearing death, she “walked down the road, stumbling and crying, thinking only of this one last hope, that her daughters would be found by a kind- hearted person who would care for them” (Tan 322). Suyuan left her twins because she knew it was the only way to ensure their safety, she knew that she was not strong enough to continue to sanctuary herself. Even when she was nearing death, all that Suyuan wanted to do was make sure her children would be okay. She was very selfless in her act, even if she never had the peace of mind that her children were in fact safe and alive. Suyuan also spent her whole life hiding her pain with her children left behind, as her daughter never knew the full story or how much it haunted her. Even though Suyuan thought about her children left behind very frequently, she never truly told her daughter the full story. Suyuan wanted her daughter to live a happy life, and so she protected her from the truth. Through Suyuan’s selfless actions, she exemplifies the theme of sacrifice.

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An-Mei’s mother encourages her to persevere by following her mother and going against her uncle, her aunt, and her grandmother. As An-Mei’s mother walks out the door, she insists, “An-Mei I am not asking you. But I am going back to Tientsin now and you can follow me” (Tan 245). An-Mei must prove to herself and others the strength she needs to withhold to stand up for what she believes in. Having the courage to stand up for yourself and to persevere going against others’ opinions can be extremely difficult. As An-Mei questions her decision due to the shouts of her aunt and uncle, her aunt exclaims, “Your life is what you see in front of you. And hearing this made me more determined to leave” (Tan 245). Life is based on the decision you make. Choosing to follow others’ opinions and not having a voice of your own leads you nowhere. A little push as well as determination and drive are always helpful when persevering through seemingly impenetrable times.

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Lindo understands the doom of her future if she stays with Tyan-yu and decides to change it by blowing out the red candle which symbolizes a lasting healthy marriage. Despite Lindo searching for the best in her marriage to Tyan-yu and learning to develop love and respect for him, she makes the choice to end it and point her life in a different direction. Many parts of Lindo’s life are guided by fear. She does not truly know what she wants because she goes with other decisions that are made for her. She dreams, “Someone took my hands and guided me down a path. I was like a blind person walking to my fate. But I was no longer scared. I could see what was inside me” (Tan 54). This explains Lindo’s desire to finally live a life dictated by decisions of her own, and her blowing out the red candle was the first step of her journey of independence.

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It can take awhile for people to discover their true identity. Jing-Mei Hsu longs to figure out her identity as a Chinese woman. Jing Mei “didn’t get straight A’s, didn’t get into Stanford, dropped out of college”(Tan 60). This all makes Jing Mei feel as though she is not becoming who she is and who she needs to be. It is not until the end of the novel when she establishes how she fits into her role as a grown Chinese woman. After entering early adulthood, she finally discovers her identity does not come from “the prodigy side of her” (Tan 121) by playing the piano but by being a sister in a Chinese family making her mother proud. After years of trying to force herself to act as someone she is not time shows that finding your true self may take awhile.

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An-Mei loses her faith in God after the traumatic experience of her son’s- Bing- death. An-Mei believes she can use her faith to change Bing’s fate as she tries everything she can to find and rescue him, but her attempts are proven unsuccessful (Tan 139). An-Mei showed that she was steadfast in finding Bing by using unconventional methods and relying heavily on her faith in God to bring him back. However, after her unsuccessful rescue attempts, An-Mei loses her faith because she realizes she cannot use it to change anything. An-Mei always carried around a small bible to show her faith in God. However, after Bing tragically died, she loses her faith in God and shoves the bible under a table leg to “correct the imbalances of life” (Tan 122).  Here, the bible represents An-Mei’s faith and when she shoves the bible away in a place where it won’t be seen or used, it shows how Bing’s death made her completely abandon her faith. Just like the bible, her faith is pushed away for the foreseeable future. An-Mei’s loss of faith after losing Bing demonstrates the negative effects of trauma.

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Waverly losing her first husband led to meeting her fiancé, Rich. She argues against Marvin, “I saw his brain had shrunk from laziness, so that now it was good only for thinking up excuses” (Tan 192). Initially, Waverly gathers that Marvin is the perfect guy for her, so she impulsively chooses to marry him. After they are married, she notices his bad qualities and decides she cannot stay in her marriage. This realization is saddening for Waverly because she is let down by his flaws, and she is divorcing the father of her child. Waverly felt very different about Rich: “His love was unequivocal. Nothing could change it. He expected nothing from me; my mere existence was enough” (Tan 193). Waverly is obviously much happier in her new relationship than in her previous one. She reflects on how she could never fall out of love with Rich, as she did with Martin. Although it was painful for Waverly to divorce her husband, she formed a closer relationship with Rich.

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Suyuan sacrifices her babies so they will hopefully be saved from the Japanese invasion of Kweilin. Suyuan loves her babies and strives to give them a better life, but even so, “she didn’t have the strength to carry those babies any farther” (Tan 322). No matter how much it pains her to leave her precious babies behind, she knows that they will hopefully have a better, more supplied for life that she cannot provide them with. Even though she gave them up, she still loves them and wants the very best life has to offer for them. Suyuan always wants a part of her to still be with them, so she leaves them with “photos of her family, the picture of her father and mother, the picture of herself and her husband on their wedding day. And she wrote on the back each of the names of the babies” (Tan 323). She does this in hopes that, if they survive and are saved, they will one day come back to her. She still has so much love and never gave up hope for them until the moment she left them there, to the moment she died. The sacrifice Suyuan shows by giving up the two things she loves most in this world show how much more she wants for her children’s futures.

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Ying Ying displays the ability to change her fate when she aborts her child and agrees to marry Clifford. Ying Ying reveals how she “took this baby from [her] womb before it could be born.”  From the moment Ying Ying conceives the child, her fate was to become a single mother who society looked down upon. She decides to change her destiny by aborting her child to have a second chance at life. Ying Ying empowers herself by recognizing her right to choose when she declares, “I decided to let Saint [Clifford] marry me.” By deciding to marry Clifford, Ying Ying changes her fate once more. She moves an ocean away from the life that was expected of her when she was born. She was able to choose a husband by herself rather than being paired with a stranger of a husband by a matchmaker. Ying Ying shows readers how fate can be changed by making meaningful decisions.

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Rose endures a lot of childhood trauma, especially with the loss of her brother at a very young age that she carries with her for the rest of her life. Rose watches her four-year-old brother die with her own eyes: “And just as I think this, his feet are already in the air, in a moment of balance, before he splashes into the sea and disappears without leaving so much as a ripple in the water. I sank to my Knees watching that spot where he disappeared, not moving, not saying anything” (Tan 133). Rose witnessing this traumatic event causes constant stress and worries, mostly in her terrible relationship with her ex-husband.  It is incredibly hard to get over an event like this and having to live with it for the rest of her life. The anxiety poll skyrockets throughout her everyday life when she replays Bing’s death in her mind. Rose snaps at her controlling husband saying, “I say I’m staying, and my lawyer will too, once we serve you the papers” (Tan 218). Rose is stuck in a controlling and toxic relationship that quickly turns into a heart wrenching divorce. She realizes her voice that she was missing in the past is necessary and starts standing her ground. A death like Rose’s brother is not anyone’s fault but could be stopped if a voice is present during an overwhelming time when all the pressure lies on you.

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Suyuan’s pressure on June in her academic expectations leads to strife. June expresses her feelings towards her mothers’ expectations: “And after seeing my mother’s disappointed face once again, something inside of me began to die. I hated the tests, the raised hopes, and failed expectations,” (Tan 144). June illustrates the destruction her mother, Suyuan, has on her self-image every time she fails to live up to Suyuan’s unrelated goals. Suyuan’s pressure in her daughter reflects the exact feelings in June towards herself, causing the pressure to surge.  After June’s talent show fiasco, June and Suyuan argue about June’s unfinished piano career. “’You want me to be someone that I’m not!’ I sobbed. ‘I’ll never be the kind of daughter you want me to be!’” (Tan 153). The actions of Suyuan stretch between a thin line of parenthood: a mother wanting the best for her daughter and a mother pressuring her daughter to be something she is not. The thin line creates confusion for June leading her to make assumptions that she will always be a complete failure in her mother’s eyes. With the constant strife of pressure and expectations, this mother-daughter relationship between June and Suyuan is altered for years.

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An-mei and Rose both experience horrible betrayal from manipulators they once believed they could trust affirmingly, until facing harsh reality of their loved ones’ true feelings. The Second Wife takes advantage of An-mei’s obliviousness to her true character, leaving An-mei to eventually connect the pieces of the puzzle and realize her cherished pearl gift was as worthless as the love Second Wife showed her. Her mother proves Second Wife’s fallacious love by showing the necklace’s true value: “And before [An-mei] could cry to stop her, [An-mei’s mother] put the necklace under her shoe and stepped on it… This necklace that had almost bought my heart and mind now had one bead of crushed glass” (Tan 261). An-mei quickly grows attached to Second Wife and her gracious lavish of love. Her desperation to earn more affection in different ways from her mother’s influences her to show vulnerability to Second Wife’s manipulation until her mother corrects her deviating trust. An-mei’s destroyed necklace from Second Wife reminds her that everything has a price, and that Second Wife’s true love and care amounts to zero. Rose’s vulnerability and submission to manipulation benefits Ted with his abnormal tendencies of taking advantage of her helplessness. A metaphor of her own relationship to that of the condition of her neglected garden, Rose recognizes the inevitable reality of Ted’s feelings with her through a magazine’s informative advice that suggests, “When a husband stops paying attention to the garden, he’s thinking of pulling up roots” (Tan 214). Rose, in the midst of her mind-clouding depression, abruptly notices her forgotten plants that share all of the information she needs to realize that Ted was tired of her long before his divorce plans. Her major shutdown prior to her garden experience blocked any consideration of the obvious situation she was in with Ted. Like her mother before her, Rose fell victim to the manipulation of a self-centered and apathetic character whose only motive was self-indulgence.

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·         Rose exemplifies a lack of ability to make concise decisions throughout her marriage because of how she reacted to her brother going into the water. Rose relates a lot of her past to her current life: "I think about Bing…how I let it happen. I think about my marriage…But I just let it happen” (Tan 140). Rose reflects on her past and projects it onto her adult life, stressing about the outcome of big decisions and even small, meaningless choices. She does not think that she is anything beyond her error as a young child. Rose fears making decisions, and as a result, watches her marriage fall apart because of her manipulative husbanRose lacks self-confidence. She appears as a very meek character because of her past and does not do anything to change or hide it. Her nature and personality are recognized by her friends and family: “'you were depressed. You were manipulated into thinking you were nothing next to him, and now you think you're nothing without him'” (Tan 210). In her marriage, Rose admittedly assumes the role of the meek victim, allowing her husband to make decisions for her rather than making her own. She allows herself to be manipulated and controlled by her husband out of fear of making the wrong decision again.

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An-Mei Hsu’s mother commits suicide because she listened to Second Wife, the second wife of An-Mei’s mother’s husband and the most powerful woman in the house, which led her to grow as a woman and stand up for herself. As An-Mei notices her sick mother, she quietly answers her mother’s unsaid question about how she will survive: “I [An-Mei] can see the truth, too. I am strong, too” (Tan 271). An-Mei’s mother attempts to “fake die” to raise her status in the house as the fourth concubine, leading her to overdose on the opium from the dumplings. An-Mei feels guilty that she cannot support her mother anymore, yet, despite that, she stands up to Second Wife for all the wrongs she commits toward An-Mei’s mother and the other wives in the house. The author tells us how An-Mei expresses her emotions when she “crushed it [the pearl necklace] under my foot” (Tan 272). An-Mei recognizes that Second Wife will not change her actions, forcing herself to battle the traditions of a household in native China to live the life her mother wanted for her. She matures throughout this time of grief, becoming a solidified, strong woman, regardless of the standards held up to her by the other members of the house. While An-Mei did not pass down her grief and trauma from her mother, her child suffers trauma of her own.

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An-mei’s mother exhibits motherly sacrafice by committing suicide. While suicide is often seen as a selfish act, An-mei’s mother had a different motive: “When the poison broke into her body, she whispered to me that she would rather kill her own weak spirit so she could give me a stronger one” (Tan 271). An-mei’s mother was a concubine for a wealthy man, Wu Tsing, and was treated horribly. When her body was found, Wu Tsing feared the consequences the gods would present and promised to treat her children as his own (Tan 272). An-mei and her brother were immediately elevated in status, receiving the respect their mother sacrificed herself for. Through this, An-mei learns the importance of sacrafice and how to swallow her tears, allowing her to mature into her determined personality as an adult. An-mei’s mother’s suicide further reveals that sacrafice is the ultimate sign of love.

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Suyuan’s loss of her two daughters showed her that she needed to persevere through the challenging times to find herself and who she wanted to be. Suyuan tells her daughter, Jing-mei, the story of losing her two daughters on the way to America, and how she had to make the decision to leave them behind (Tan 14). Suyuan had to live with never seeing her twin daughters again for the rest of her life. As Jing-mei, or June, exemplifies throughout the novel, Suyuan never talked much about her life before America. When June learns of the experiences her mother went through, she learns that her mother did not have things easy. Her eyes are opened to the fact that her mother had to endure pain to get to the place she was at before she passed. Suyuan made her way to American after losing everything in China, though “she never looked back with regret. There were so many ways for things to get better" (Tan 141). Suyuan found a way to make things better when she decided to come to America. She knew that she had lost everything and had nothing, but still changed her life completely for the better. Suyuan broke through and created an amazing life for her new family in America, where she discovered herself and inspired her daughter in many ways.

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In traditional China women married for position and power and not for love and happiness. An-Mei realizes this from a very young age: “A girl in China did not marry for love. She married for position” (Tan 256). An-Mei’s mother was a concubine to a wealthy man when she realizes this. Her mother did not truly love her husband, but she wanted power and money. In modern-day America women can marry for true love and not for power. Waverly depicts this when she gets engaged to a man that she truly loves (Tan 191). Waverly’s story suggests that now women marry for love and happiness and not because they want money and power. Today women marry their husbands because they love them. These two stories exemplify the difference in traditional China and modern-day America.

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After An-mei’s mother commits suicide, An-mei learns to hide her emotions from the world around her. An-mei had a very complicated relationship with her mother. Her mother was outcasted from the family after going to be a concubine after her first husband passed away. An-mei goes from barely remembering her mother’s face to living with her mother in a very short period of time. An-mei came to know her mother and the struggles her mother goes through as seen when An-mei’s mother announces to her daughter: “Poor An-mei, only you know. Only you know what I have suffered” (Tan 246). Her mother, being the fourth wife of a wealthy man, felt so much insecurity and self-doubt, especially when her husband finds a new, younger wife. An-mei’s mother passed these fears to her daughter, so she could warn An-mei about the struggles in her life. An-mei’s mother teaches her daughter how to survive in this tough world. She tells her “why it is useless to cry. Your tears do not wash away your sorrows. They feed someone else’s joy. And that is why you must learn to swallow your own tears” (Tan 244). An-mei learns many things from her mother including the shame and fears of the world. When her mother passes away, An-mei closes herself up to the world so she could not be hurt the same way her mother was. Amy Tan demonstrates this when An-mei refuses to admit the presence of the bible underneath her table leg. She does not admit that the bible was meant to show her loss of faith after her son, Bing’s, death. An-mei was led into a state of emotional seclusion after she saw the death of her mother and the life that led her mother to her death.

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An- Mei has a rocky childhood with her mother coming back into her life as well as her grandmother getting sick. An-Mei starts a life without her mother and learns to live that way for most of her childhood. Later, An-Mei realizes “Popo wanted me to forget my mother on purpose, and this is how I came to remember nothing of her” (Tan 33). This quote illustrates that An-Mei grew up without a mother figure, and Popo was left to take care of An-Mei and her brother. Popo forbid the family from talking about their mother, so when Popo got sick, and their mom showed up at the house it was a shock to all. Although An-Mei had false depictions of her mother in her dream, that she admired she did not see that same person when her mom had shown up. After seeing her mother, An-Mei states “I worshipped my mother from my dream. But the woman standing by Popo’s bed was not the mother of my memory” (Tan 40). Moments before Popo’s death An-Mei had realized she was never going to have a perfect mother like she had dreamed of before her mother left. Both the death of Popo, who had taken care of An-Mei all her life, and her mothers surprising return show that An-Mei did not have a great start to her life.

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Rose Hsu suffered the loss of her baby brother, Bing, which resulted in her doubt and indecisiveness towards her husband. When Rose was only a child, she was put in charge of watching Bing while their family was all at the beach. Bing was a young and adventurous little boy who liked to climb, run, and explore. When Rose turned her head for a single second, Bing took a jump into the water and never came up. This loss left Rose truly traumatized. She felt that because of her awful decision to turn away, there was no way she could trust herself. Many years later, Rose married the man she believed to be in love with, Ted. She began to allow Ted to make all the decisions about her life, leaving her to feel inferior, unhappy, and even causing an eating disorder. While in an argument about Rose’s indecisiveness, Ted screams at Rose "You can't have it both ways, none of the responsibility, none of the blame" (Tan 134). The veil has been lifted to all of Ted’s evils which leads Rose to finally snap. She stands up to Ted and decides that it is time to turn her life back over to herself. She uses her new courage and divorces him which, although painful, helps her to develop and happier and healthier life.

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An-Mei faces many losses throughout her life, including her mother’s suicide. An-Mei's mother, the wife of a respected scholar, loses all status when her husband dies. She is raped and forced into concubinage by the wealthy Wu Tsing. Her life is full of pain and misery so she decided to kill herself in hopes that An-Mei can have freedom and not live the same life she did. It is exclaimed that “She has poisoned herself,” (Tan 270). By committing suicide, she initiates a change in her daughter, giving her the power to revolt: “And on that day, I showed Second Wife the fake pearl necklace she had given me and crushed it under my foot,” (Tan 272). An-Mei grasps onto power from her mother's sacrifice. By crushing the fake pearls, she is declaring her independence in spite of suffering.

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Lindo makes Waverly feel like she will never be good enough in her mother’s eyes. For example, after Waverly wins her first chess tournament, Lindo reacts by telling Waverly to “win more, lose less” the next time (Tan, 98). This hurts Waverly’s confidence because she thought that her mother would finally be proud. Even though she wins, her mother still finds a way to negatively comment on her performance, making Waverly feel like she will never live up to her mother’s expectations. Lindo’s criticism continues to affect Waverly’s self-esteem as an adult. After Waverly gets a haircut, her mother critiques the haircut and instructs Waverly to get a refund. (Tan, 182). Waverly thinks that her new haircut was stylish, but her mother finds a way to demean it. Her mother assumes that Waverly could not like the haircut. It may just be a haircut, but her mother finds a way to criticize every aspect of her life.

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An Mei’s childhood demonstrates how fate can be changed when her mother died and when she learned to use her voice. The first time An Mei demonstrates that fate can be changed is when her mother died. As her mother died, she said, “I am strong too” (Tan 271).  Before her mother died, An Mei was quite and reserved. As her mother died, she came to the realization that she too, was strong, and she could use that strength to move on with her life.  An Mei also exhibited how fate can change when she learned she could use her voice. An Mei says, “And on that day, I learned to shout” (Tan 272). This quote is significant because that’s the day she realized she no longer had to be obedient to the Second wife. An Mei learned to use her voice, and stand up to Second wife, which ultimately led to her no longer being complacent. Losing that complicity changed her fate as she aged, she no longer let herself be pushed around. An Mei losing her mother, and learning to use her voice exhibits how fate can change.