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Edit: Disregard the messiness, I was getting tired from the reading and deciphering.

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🧡What is the message from the new moon in Leo for me? 🧡

King of Wands is basically saying be who you are but at the same time take care of yourself better. Put your needs first.

9 of Wands + The Fool is courage within childlike wonder; Representing the difficulties I went through with the resilience and the strength to keep going, with the fool showing new beginnings.

7 of Pentacles and Reversed 7 of Cups is perseverance with the lack of choice and overwhelmed by choices. I think they're talking about me being too overwhelmed by the heat to make my own choices.

The Hanged Man is the change, with the Queen of Swords cutting through the fogginess of the hanged man's constant complaints, bringing a fresh new perspective from the 3 of Pentacles.

The Sun is shining hard on something with red flags in the background. With the ace of cups, there's lovey dovey stuff followed by new feelings yet that joy is blocked by resentment and confronting my fears.

Knight of Pentacles: Slow and steady yet your hard work pays off.

Death and Reversed 6 of Wands is rebirth and transformation from imposter syndrome.

Self reflection is the journalling or reassessing what you could've done better next time, by healing through your creativity, it'll show you your lack of awareness.

Soul Mirrors is the Healing union through the mirroring of your relationships with the self and others. Mirroring of the Souls.

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Saw this at 10:10 on TikTok

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🩶What the energy currently between me and my man? 🩶

Challenges: Inner Healing and inner work

Caution: Prepare for the worst to come.

Confession: Tell the truth.

Divorce: Experiencing an separation with someone.

Baecation: Travelling Soon.

Let Go: New Beginnings

Honeymoon: the blissful stage of a new romantic relationship.

Earth Sign: Definitely Virgo

Spy: Someone's watching me online.

Fire Sign at the top of the Oracle deck

🩶I asked my spirits to please pull a card that represents me and my man🩶

Reversed The Hermit at the Top of the deck.

2 of Cups is the representation of him and I in the picture of the woman and the man holding the two cups.

Reversed Ace of Swords: A lot confusion and cloudiness

The High Priestess: Listen to your intuition

Reversed Knight of Cups: He's going through heartbreak and disappointment currently (You broke me first by Tate McCrae)

6 of Cups: Something to with family and creativity followed by nostalgia as well.

2 of Swords: Weighing his options

Page of Pentacles: An financial opportunity

🩶Then I ask my spirits to straight up ask Roman how he's feeling currently. I saw 909 during the reading 🩶

9 of Wands: He set boundaries with someone in his personal life.

10 of Pentacles: Fleeting success followed by the lack of fuel and natural resources due to the Russian-Ukraine War and the Fuel Crisis.

Reversed The Hierophant is the rejection of societal values and propaganda.

Reversed 3 of Cups is the affair that happened between him and his ex which led to the letting go of pain via the Reversed 3 of swords.

Ace of Wand and the Magician show off his adaptive nature and creativity to get whatever he has currently going on in his home country aka motherland.

Reversed Moon shows him respressing his emotions while dealing with confusion and fears but at the same he's dissatisfied about what's going on through the reversed 9 of cups.

10 of Wands showed a lot of responsibility and burdens on him currently.

But there's going to be a proposal with the ace of cups followed by the 10 of Cups clarifying the ace of cups.

And finally The reversed 8 of Pentacles shows his lack of motivation no motivation right now like he's like completely got no passion at all right now.

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I had a dream that I was one of the girls on Love Island

I was like considering "one of the guys" and was chilling with one of the guys in the dream and that they liked that I was a tomboy, etc 💀

And in the dream I felt left out because I wasn't picked by any of the guys plus I was a bombshell or extra girl because one of the girls got sent away on the island

I was telling producers in the little segment thingy about myself and where I was from and I mentioned I was autistic and ADHD they were yess perfect for diversity and etc.

I'm low-key irritated cause I didn't see my man in my dream

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So I got bored and decided to watch a future spouse appearance reading for funsies.

https://youtu.be/PSVncGbWZ6Y?si=XKLJwoT0Ns4DmgPF

I picked Pile 2 (I felt so drawn to pile 2, as if it was telling me to pick it)

The tarot reader started off with saying he's strong mentally and physically (oh my, I like this reading already). My future spouse is very athletic, very muscular person, mentioned king qualities as if people were intimidated by him based off his appearance.

- This man could intimidate other men due to his tall appearance, a bit of envy and jealousy because I could have him as my future lover and spouse. Could have eyes on him despite him not wanting it on him.

- His hair could be dark with a bit lighter or blonde texture.

- 90% brown eyes

- Could be a bit older than me, with a mature type of a look.

- A lot of capability and endurance. (I did seen videos of him in action on Instagram).

- Some bit of body hair. Ages 26-30 when he's completely satisfied with his appearance (I don't mind it)

- Blessed with good looks. (Honestly he looks delicious in my eyes)

- Maybe meeting him in his primetime is perfect.

- Exquisite with the way he presents himself, dressed in the way that makes him stands out.

- Collects some type of clothing.

- He doesn't wear a lot of tight clothing (I've noticed that in his Instagram stories).

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I went out of town yesterday, I saw so many motorcycles, and 5:15 on a car tag and a clock at the same.

At 2:12 I was switching songs tell me why Boyfriend by Justin Bieber started playing. Then after boyfriend ended, Stupid Heart by Sorana started playing was made me surprised was the fact this song was greenlit by the original artist and band, O-ZONE an eurodance band who wrote and sung Dragostea Din Tei A which is very popular because of the Numa Numa meme.

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https://youtu.be/Ln_NpSDM_YU?si=Nuwu0wlD2sXZWtNd

She was so accurate with the way I was letting everyone else and external validation make the choices for me. She did mention that I was scared when I have options or when I have the freedom to make decisions.

She mentioned that someone was trying to take control in my life like make decisions for me through insecurities or powerless.

SHE'S FUCKING ACCURATE!!!? So she mentioned that when I was a kid I always went by whatever my mom or grandma said as true because they were the adults in my life. I grew up with old school parents but they were so controlling. During my kid to teen years I thought I was predestined to become a Veterinarian because I thought I would become one.

Internalized my happiness must be approved by someone else or the universe.

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Had a weird dream today, it was about my middle school years where I didn't like the school I was going too, felt out of place and didn't know everyone at the school. It felt vivid and emotional because it felt like it was so real which it was. In my dream I kept telling my mom and my grandma that I didn't like it at Hillcrest and that I wanted to go back to the school I was supposed to go to which was Lee Central Middle School because all of my friends were there and I hated it at Hillcrest but they never listened to me or my sister.

I was seeing it through my preteen self eyes because what happened in 2017-2018 should have never happened to me but unfortunately it did. I woke up and told myself that was a strange dream. I saw 11:11 earlier too.

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Saw 2 motorcycles on the way to my grandma's doctor appointment.

Saw a 3rd motorcycle at 12:12

Drove by five motorcycles

Mind you I was just scrolling through YouTube looking for a subliminal to add to my playlist and I saw this like wtf 😀

https://youtu.be/zi-bojk5nbw?si=scT1NDIaG_fb-nsB

Mind you I only typed in "biker boyfriend subliminal" and this was a few scrolls down. I was like should I add it y'know cause I remember I saw a TikTok mentioning slavic men awhile back. I was maybe this is a sign 👀 so I went ahead and I added it to my playlist.

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https://youtu.be/L9qMl8C7y_c?si=U0Lxxl06hNQEp3Fn

Capricorn in 8th House: Ruled by Saturn in Cancer

- Denying my emotions, my respressed emotions blocking me in a way from properly giving off myself.

- Fear of Rejection, properly expressing myself

- I did experienced some form of that rejection where I did felt left out and out of place in middle school.

- Inner fears did cause me to lie about my age in order to seek out partners and connections.

- I can be a bit jealous sometimes but I'm trying my best to not be jealous 😅

- My father was absent so I just see him whenever I see him. He's not there emotionally and physically like I wanted, my connection with my father was not being met.

Not gonna lie, the father part of the video made me emotional.

I was struggling with money meaning I was spending the money instead saving up the money.

I realized that who I thought I was, I was looking through the eyes of everyone else who knew me and i thought they knew me better when in reality they don’t.

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Today was simple and peaceful today but I had to go to poll work training today which was tiring but hey, I needed the money for the switch 2.

I've been three days in since I last played my subliminal playlist and I've noticed results. On the way to the poll work training, I saw a orange motorcycle pass by, the time was 5:52 pm and in my head was happy but I was with my mom so I had chill for a bit.

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Why do I have a hard time believing in love?

It was after the second relationship that made me realize that love and relationships wasn't worth my time and energy plus I've been single all my life. I was an tomboy who hung around guys and knew how they act so yet somehow I managed to not use that knowledge in the relationships I've been in.

I let myself get played for a fool yet I knew that he had issues yet I wasn't willing to deal with cause I had another guy around me at the same time. Goddamnit why I didn't listen to my intuition idk why..

"It’s like this quiet, certain part of you that believe in love for all of those years just packed up its bags and moved out in the middle of the night." — Read This If You’ve Stopped Believing In Love | Thought Catalog

This blog made me realize that I stopped believing in a idealistic form of love that was born of made-up stories you would tell yourself and the movies I grew up watching for example The Princess and the Frog, Shrek, Mulan, Lion King 2, Winx Club, etc.

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So I woke up around eleven this morning and was struggling not to pick up my phone but that's what I always do when I wake up but last night I was asking myself why to some many questions.

I asked myself why was I seeking signs when I wasn't seeking signs in the beginning of my manifestation journey. Then I realized that by seeking out signs I was telling my myself it'll take forever, it'll come when it comes.

I was stuck in a loop of obsessing over signs, results, doing the same thing over and over again to the point I was frustrated with myself last night.

Then I was reminded myself that my 16-year-old self was working on her self concept, her mindset and detachment. I've forgotten all about it until last night.

Then I asked myself why I was self sabotaging in my relationship right now then I realized that I still wasn't comfortable with sharing my feelings out loud due to past relationships and the last time I got close to someone I've manifested.

Every time I got close to someone who I thought loved me back, I ended up self sabotaging and distancing myself or that I end up in a toxic relationship which I had to cut that person off.

This time I've manifested someone who loved me for who I am and I feel out of place about it because I was stability and companionship but at the same time it's that fear of not being good enough due to my Autism and ADHD like there's times where I forgot to communicate with him.

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So this full moon in Scorpio got me overwhelmed like I was struggling to get emotional because I kept telling myself, "It's okay don't cry, don't cry." Knowing I'm a tough cookie for everyone else but I'm not a tough cookie for myself.

It like I've holding it all in that I wasn't letting myself cry until now like imagine how long I've been holding it for so fucking long like I need be telling myself that that it's okay to cry and not bottle up my emotions to make everyone else happy.

I feel upset, angry and sad at myself for not doing so which led to me bottling everything up. Like I usually mask up everything all day until I just let it out in private which is better because I need to.

I needed this, I needed to cry and release and move on. I need to release it all because I have to if I want the things truly desired the most which is my man and my desired manifestations.

I'm calming myself down now.

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Girl I had one of the weirdest dreams, tell me why I was getting a psychic reading in my dreams when I woke up I was like wtf and saw 11:20 on my clock, noticed my TV had a black screen. I paused the video cause y'know I was fell asleep to a one hour self concept video, tell why I woke up to a Quantum Jumping video: meet different versions of yourself.

I was like wtf in my head cause mind you I just woke up and confused about my dream.

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Hey so remember you said you sense a big shift happening soon.

I decided to check the transits in astrology and there's a huge amount of Aries energy on the 16th-17th of April. Given how Aries is associated with Mars, the planet of action, energy, and desire. There could a lot firey energy plus there's an upcoming pluto retrograde in Aquarius in May like I said.

Aries is like saying hey I'm about to cause a lot of impulsiveness but it can get firey energy around here. Mind you Aries is the first in the zodiac plus spring is arriving as well so there's a lot of new beginnings.

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I just witnessed my grandma crashed out on my mother. Like she was pissed at her for not doing anything. Like she decided to do it in front of me and my twin sister yet I could tell that she was tired of doing everything in the house.

Okay lemme explain how it all begins so when I came back home after my momma thought it was a good idea to take me and my sister from my grandma for a year and a half due to an argument. Mind you living with her and her ex girlfriend was hell. Plus after we (me and my sister) left due to the trauma we suffered from witnessing a year and a half of arguments, abuse from her ex, etc.

Thank fuck my granny fought for me and my sister in court so we're in her custody. My mother became an alcoholic because I think she didn't do the work to process her trauma and abuse she suffered yet she's the same woman who gave me and my sister a budlight to take our medicine at 12.

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February 9th 2026

Saw 333 just now. Saw 1111 and 1212 earlier.

As I finished deposited the coins I saved up, tell why I turned my head to see a cute guy walking into the bank, leaning against the wall on the phone with someone. My eyes look at his and I could tell he was looking up and down.

Saw an motorcycle in the parking lot of a grocery store.

April 9th 2026

Woke up at 5:37am in the morning. My body feels tired and restless.

Woke up at 7am

Woke up at 11:01

Right ear ringing at 3:29

Saw 12:22, 11:11, 1:11, 2:22

Right ear started ringing. Idk why.

Might do a reading. Saw 626

Left Ear ringing at 1024

Saw 3:33

Saw 5:55 and 2:22 while listening to subliminals with left ear ringing.

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Last night, I was going through it like real bad to the point I closed my eyes and asked the Universe to allow my spirit guides and my spirit to talk to me in my dreams. I closed my eyes and kept seeing white light through the prayer like I was such in a vulnerable state last night. Then my body was like exhausted and I allowed my body's exhaustion after putting on an guided sleep meditation.

The next thing I know as I closed my eyes was that I could hear my thoughts telepathically. I was crying in my sleep too, I could feel tears running down. In my dream I was at a regular hangout except at this hangout I saw my spirit guides and my spirit team.

My spirit guides when they saw me, these were their exact words, "you look like shit..." Because normally they're used to see me being happy and in my regular pajamas. They were concerned and the more concerned were my spirit team.

I saw Mother Lilith and Queen Hekate approach me that when I started crying to them, my spirit guides and started telling I feel like failed them, my spirit guides and I strayed away from my spiritual path.

I felt them hugging me and telling me that sometimes maybe your life falls apart when you realize that you're not behind, you're at a different pace than others.

Their exact words were, "Maybe you need to take a social media break for a bit. We saw what's happening in the United States, you're overwhelmed mentally and emotionally right now."

"We're genuinely concerned for you, my child."

And then I heard my man's voice, I turned my head to see him standing and I could tell he was concerned for me, when I tell you that my heart racing faster than usual like I knew I hadn't talked to him not because I didn't want to be burden on him, I didn't want act clingy and needy to him.

"Bunny, you don't tell me. I can tell when you're about to fall apart, mentally, emotionally, physically. When was the last time you put yourself first not everyone else, you?" His words were obvious thicken a bit by his Russian accent but I remember those exact words clearly in my dream and the way my spirit guides and my spirit team agreeing with him.

They were concerned about me because they could tell that I was the only one holding it together for everything that nobody else in my life could seen. I don't remember the rest but I can say that I willingly agree to try and make those changes. Even if I procrastinate or ignoring, I'll try again.

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tell me why my family loves starting shit just cause my sister didn't decide to come home due the snow on the road. Like y'all literally just thinking like that because she called in work and told them she couldn't make it.

All of sudden my mom thinks oh she got a boyfriend like ma'am...we don't know that or that my sister tells her business anymore because of y'all. 🤦🏽‍♀️

Like we just started 2026, leave the boyfriend drama out of it.

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So on the way home from the hospital cause my cousin just had her baby, I was scrolling on TikTok as usual and my eyes widen at the sight of an edit video on my tiktok fyp. Mind you I was sitting the drivers passenger seat next to my grandma so I had to stay chill and freak out when I get home.

Bruh tell me why the time I get home my fyp of is filled with Masked men and I saw another one with the Russian language. I was like damn someone's happy I'm on the way home 😅

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Pile 2

- She said "you can't be understood the way you want to be understood." I had to pause the video because it resonated so well with me.

- Secondly she mentioned that "when you find a man that's on your level, it comes as a challenge." I was kinda shocked that she say that because I do tend to challenge and test guys sometimes via ghosting to see if they're going to go after me and etc.

- Thirdly, she stated, "You're wanting love but you have to understand that you have to be in the feminine's position. You're playing a masculine role." I'm like damn who told her I was a tomboy, like damn lady 🥴

- Finally she mentioned that I need time for myself via my shadow self, my everyday light self is the self I show everyone and the shadow self is the one I go to when I have time for myself. She stated, "You're masking yourself. Your shadow self is saying I'm fearing who I am." Well shit, hitting the nail on everything.

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A Message From Your Shadow Self | PICKAPILE 

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I jokingly used a TikTok filter for fun, it was an filter that shows you your soul mate Nationality and I kid you not on the first try I got Russians 😣 I was shocked.

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Before the new year I saw 999 on my Playlist views so I remembered that in numerology, I'm a life path 9 and I look it up out of curiosity, I was not surprised when I saw what 999 meant.

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I saw this at 11:00 while cooking some smothered potatoes with shrimp and sausage. Ngl I didn't expected an huge ass sign knowing I woke up at 11pm after sleeping at 6pm

Ik my family is telling me they don't care who I date but they probably think I'll be dating like my sister but nahh I have higher standards and manifested myself my man who's right for me. Probably going to be all over him when we start dating and I bring him around my family.

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Started meditation at 12:01 by the time I finished, it was 1:01 so I was surprised that it took that long and I managed to release and relax, i definitely feel better after this. 😆

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Not gonna lie I really hate it when my family drag me into conversations I have no participation in like srsly just because I haven't gone outside in a week, they're being dramatic for no damn reason.

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I fear I dugged too deep into him cause I went into the telegram group channel out of curiosity and I was in awe at the amount tactical gear and guns plus action he was doing then I found him on an Livestream on VK which was an Russian version of Twitch and that explains the military stuff I was seeing on my Pinterest two years ago.

I watched a little bit of his stream, saw 707 on the clock and kept watching he appeared to be calm and collected, a bit prepared as he was welcoming in his viewers and I couldn't help but look into his eyes and listen into the Russian language like it was somewhat hypnotic.

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So I might've found out that he's on telegram around 12am last night and I do have a telegram account that I haven't used since April 2020 (I think I deleted it??). I just feel nervous about this 😩 I really want to be patient and not rush this but this man got me wanting him so badly knowing I'm on an healing and self discovery journey rn.

I did found his telegram account, am I going to message it? Hell nah I’m too nervous and scared to answer it 😓 Ngl I really think my Scorpio Venus is really kicking in with that stalker part but I don’t want to seem crazy 😖

I saw 12:21 and 12:22 after finding his telegram account, I got myself spooked by nervousness…

Then I decided to investigate again and found that he was on VK which was similar to Twitch but an mix of Twitch and Facebook. I was in awe at how active he was in his career and focused he was plus I did reinvestigated his Instagram and saw Instagram story complimation of his looks. I really paid attention to the years cause I noticed that some were from 2022, 2023, etcetera so it shows the actual difference between us then I searched in Telegram because of curiosity and wonder, found that he had group channel for his fanbase and private messaging on his back that when I backed out of it because in my mind I was like girl calm down and stop being nervous despite that I was still dhy about it because I didn't want to rush plus I really like him and want to get to know him better but I didn't want to seem like a stalker y'know.

But I still in awe cause I was like in my head wondering outlook if he'll like me or if I'm being too invasive and should left it alone like it to the point I tried to sleep it off but can't.

I really wish I wasn't this overwhelmed over one silly thing, now my left ear is ringing and I'm still thinking about it but I'm not sure, maybe it's a chance... IDK man.

Update: So I did notice that he participated in JROTC well not the JROTC but the Russian equivalent to ROTC, called the Young Army Cadets National Movement because I noticed he had pic of him when he was younger and was surrounded by guns and military officers that were probably his ROTC instructors.

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Why do I have a hard time believing in love?

It was after the second relationship that made me realize that love and relationships wasn't worth my time and energy plus I've been single all my life. I was an tomboy who hung around guys and knew how they act so yet somehow I managed to not use that knowledge in the relationships I've been in.

I let myself get played for a fool yet I knew that he had issues yet I wasn't willing to deal with cause I had another guy around me at the same time. Goddamnit why I didn't listen to my intuition idk why..

"It’s like this quiet, certain part of you that believe in love for all of those years just packed up its bags and moved out in the middle of the night." — Read This If You’ve Stopped Believing In Love | Thought Catalog

This blog made me realize that I stopped believing in a idealistic form of love that was born of made-up stories you would tell yourself and the movies I grew up watching for example The Princess and the Frog, Shrek, Mulan, Lion King 2, Winx Club, etc.

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So I was listening to my subliminal glow up playlist and decided to check TikTok out of boredom. My right ear was lightly ringing and my jaw drop at the nickname like wtf!? 😩.

I literally love an man that's like this, I'm still working on my communication with him while life is lifing so yeahhh..

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September 13th

Right ear ringing while I'm about to watch an reading about an message from Hekate.

September 16th

Saw an motorcycle while riding with my mother.

Saw 1101

Saw a 2nd motorcycle while waiting on my sister.

At 707 I saw two motorcycles in a Walmart parking lot

September 24th

Saw 555 after finishing showering yesterday

September 25th

I saw 555 again while looking for something to play in the background of my room

October 4th

I had a gut feeling about riding with my mother earlier and turns out my gut feeling was right. She brought two bottles of in a brown bag

Saw 12:12 and 12:22

Just saw two motorcycles at 12:31 while taking my sister to work.

Saw one motorcycle with a Chucky doll

Saw 3 motorcycles on the way out of Walmart. In total I saw 6 motorcycles today after I told him that he can send me signs while I'm out of town today.

Saw 1:11 and another motorcycle passed by us.

Saw two more motorcycles so in total it's 9 motorcycles

Chile 🫠 he really took send me signs to let me know that he's with me seriously I love that in a man 😆

Saw 3 motorcycles on the way home after picking up my nephews

October 6th

Saw 10:10 while watching an documentary on Tarot

October 14th

I woke up at 11:11 today

Left Ear ringing at 9:52pm while listening to an Santa Muerte video.

December 15th

Saw two TikTok videos of a black woman who founded herself on Slavic TikTok and got an Slavic man number after he paid for her food.

The same black woman popped up on my feed again asking about dating advice for Slavic men.

I wish I was kidding.

Btw I saw some results on my body, I've been using bigger breasts subliminals to help my asymmetrical tiddies grow to the same size.

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Pile 1

She's accurate about my inner child reflecting on the fact that I never got hear my dad said he's proud of me when I graduated high school two years ago and it hurts me because I was looking for him and hoping that he was coming to see me finish high school.

Nobody in my family understood me and my autism + adhd because they did try to understand but couldn't, my grandma and my mom did.

My shadow was created by people's fears for me.

Pile 3

Someone's mother smothered them too much: I was raised spoiled by everyone in my family so feeling smothered is very accurate.

She was accurate with me feeling like after I graduated, I didn't felt prepared for the world as a new adult since I was 19 when I graduated.

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Pulled the Page of Swords after shuffling the first three cards.

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Saw 333 on the Clock after the reading.

Reversed Strength: Focus on the position and try to let go of any fear and doubt that's holding you back. You have the strength to power through.

Reversed 3 of Pentacles: Working alone; You need to make progress by being open and willing to learn if you want to make actual progress in your spiritual path, practice on developing your gifts.

Reversed 7 of Cups: Lack of Purpose; Ground yourself and get out of la-la land, try to ground yourself and don't get too deep into your fantasies, remember your main goals you've made.

Page of Swords: A thirst for knowledge and innovation. Try to learn and do something new for a change.

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I just saw him on TikTok again and this time he appears as a biker with a white top before changing into a ghostface mask with a black top with the angel number, 1111.

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January 31st 2025 2:11 AM

Started Janitor AI Break due to UI update and the busy weekends when the site can easily go down due to high traffick during the weekends.

I had some shrimp Alfredo

Found an book on Smex Magick

4:44 am February 1st Black History Month

ringing in right ear while reading Psychic Witch by Mat Auyrn, stopped at Chapter One pg.14 and saw 4:44 on the clock

Saw 1111 and 888

February 1st

Woke up early at 11am

On the way to the grocery store, saw an motorcycle, ik it's probably common for me to see them but to be seeing them that much is giving me hope that I'll meet him one day.

Saw 1:01 and 2:22 while listening to Mindless Behavior: My Girl remix

Seen a fine asf muscular man a few times while shopping with my grandma, saw him two or three times before we left Walmart.

February 4th  4:34 am

Saw 1:11, 2:22, 4:44, 3:33, 11:11, 1221,

February 6th 3:05 am

Left ear ringing at 3:05

February 7th 2:08 pm

Saw an sign from Lilith at 1:01

Saw 1:11 at Applebees

Saw 2:02

8 days, I'm doing pretty good so far.

Saw 2:12 while listening to Last Friday Night by Katy Perry

Saw 2:22 while listening to I don't want her by Eric Bellinger and Always on Time by Ashanti and Ja Rule

Saw 3:03 while listening to Labour by Paris Paloma

Saw 1:11 while doing the o method

Saw 2:02 while listening to my 2025 subliminal playlist

February 8th 10:00am

Right ear ringing at 9:59 at the mention of ancestors

Saw 10:01

Saw 555 while writing down affirmations

Saw 606 after taking my meds and getting myself comfortable for bed

Got jealous for the 4th time after seeing his lil fan girls commenting about how they want him, calling their man.. (how about they stfu before they realize this handsome man is very much taken by me)

February 9th 9:11am

Had a mini breakdown/vent to Lady Hekate and Lilith

Asked for some advice at 9:09 from my friends

Planning out my vengeance playlist 🤭

Saw 9:19 while listening to Vengeance playlist

Rage read an Protection witchcraft book because I was tired of the bullshit

Saw 2:02

Saw 808 while waiting for the halftime show

February 11 2:04 pm

Saw 202 and right ear started ringing

exhausted but alert

Low ringing in right ear at 10:18

February 12th 7am

Woke up at 7am

Saw 8:18 and 8:28

Saw 10:10

Leo Full Moon brought us an surprise that we didn't expected her to come home early, my mom came home after her treatment, she looked happier and better.

February 13th 12:12 am

Saw 12:12 after doing an reading

February 15th 1:20 pm

Saw 1:11 on the clock before meditating

Saw 1:21

Jealousy streak strikes again. I said to the 27 bitches simping about my man, sorry he's mine and taken. Chile 💀

Saw 2222

February 17th 12:32 am

Woke up at 11:00

Feeling disconnected from everything lately.

Exhausted

Saw 12:12, 12:21, 1717

While listening to Jealous by Nick Jonas, my eyes nearly widen at the mention of "Cause you know I get excited, yeah. When you get jealous too."

Saw an motorcyclist in front of our car while riding in the back seat with my family.

Idk why but it's feeling like someone is touching my cheek despite me slightly swatting it away.

May have singed my heart out to Again by Fetty Wap, ngl it's the first time I'd done that, I would take this as an sign of him giving an chance to make up my mistakes (I guess)

Saw 808 and 818 while listening to my subliminal playlist.

February 22nd 2025, 12:22 am

woke up at 12:22 after dreaming about an snake wrapped around my neck

March 3rd 1:11am

Left and a little of my right ear ringing after mentioning the books on Lilith and Hekate I started reading a while back

Kept seeing odd things out the corner of my eyes in the kitchen while cooking.

Woke up and saw 202

Felt an humming vibrating sound in my left  ear, started out as an light headache now it's an humming sound before it went away.

March 5th 2025

Saw 505

Loud high pitched ringing in right ear at 9:14

Saw 777

Right ear ringing

March 6th 2:02 pm

Saw 444 and 202

Right ear ringing before 2:22

March 11th 11:28 am

Saw three videos about Virgos...make that four videos.. five fucking videos about Virgos if it's not fucking obvious to me..

Right ear ringing after mentioning the videos

Left ear ringing at 1:11

March 13th 12:19 am

Right ear ringing at 12:17

Woke up out of my sleep

Saw an motorcycle speeding up from behind the jeep kinda scared the shit out of me low-key I thought it was awesome. I noticed the person driving it had tattoos.

March 17th 2:07pm

Just heard Adorn by Miguel on the radio after seeing an edit of him.

March 18th 12:55pm

This mercury retrograde really got people feeling impulsive and risky lately not knowing they'll regret it.

I kept seeing him on TikTok after that one time yesterday.

Saw 1:11

April 16th 12:19pm

Saw 12:12 while listening to Party Monster by the Weekend

Drove by an Motorcycle while listening to Slow Down by Chase Atlantic. I think it's a coincidence since I did talked to him last night about the fact I wasn't communicating and apologized to him for not communicating with him as he hoped and explained that my ADHD kinda limits me in communication due sometimes overthinking and I was not being the best partner but I did listened to what he said and agreed with him on his stance on our communication.

Saw 12:21 while listening to the Hills by the Weekend

Saw 12:22 while listening to Right Here by Chase Atlantic

Saw 2:02 while listening Fetish by Selena Gomez

April 26th 10:48 pm

12:22 while listening to the Hills by The Weekend

2:02 while listening to Obsession by Mellina Tey

Saw 5:55 while listening to Ascensionism by Sleep Token

Saw 777 on my Pinterest feed with him all over my Pinterest feed

Saw an couple with their motorcycle bikes and parked near motorcycle bikes lately

Saw 1050 on my clock while listening to Masterpiece by Motionless in White

April 27th 1:50 pm

Saw signs of him on my Pinterest

Saw 10:10 after making breakfast

April 29th 4:04 am

Saw 777 and 4:04

May 1st 2:12 am

Saw 2:02, 2:12, 333, 777, 888, 999, 22:22 on my Pinterest feed while listening to information about an Pluto postmortem for my rising sign.

Saw 2:22 while listening to May Horoscope for my rising sign.

Saw 404 while interpreting an past reading.

May 5th 12:32

Saw 1818 on a truck while riding with family

Saw 303 while writing down themes of Lilith in Cancer in my life.

May 10th 7:47 am

Saw woke up around 9pm, stayed up until 7am

Saw angel numbers: 737, 717, 707, 444, 454, 424, 525, 515, 606, saw 555 on Pinterest feed.

June 27th 10:33 am

Stayed up all night

Saw 1010 earlier

June 3rd 3:36 pm

Saw two motorcycle earlier while making our way to Chick Fil A.

July 7th 2:22 pm

Saw an motorcycle on the road at 2:22

Saw another motorcycle on my way home from being in Town while fighting for my life with this heatwave.

Saw 4:44 while listening to Shame on Me by Catch Your Breath.

July 14th 4:20ish??

Saw two motorcycles that was in the parking lot of my sister's job

I saw two more on my way home from being out of town for shopping.

Friday July 18th

Loud ringing in right ear for a minute at 4:38 pm

August 23rd

Woke up at 5:06 am during a New Moon.

Friday August 29th

Saw 888 and 777

Saturday 30th

Right ear static ringing at 10:55, this morning. Still ringing

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I'm just noticing the amount of black women with white man couples video on my Instagram. Mind you I just thought it was the algorithm at first then I kept seeing it more that's when I was like there can't be a coincidence that I was supposed to see those videos after seeing a video of a 13 year age gap between a couple.

Just saw 1101 and right esr started ringing.

I saw an black women talking about how she wish she knew things before moving to Russia.

Yea I think I'm supposed to notice them.

Saw 11:11

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I picked pile 2

The tarot reader stated that someone could see me as the one that got away and slippery like a fish out of water. She mentioned that I'm a little bit secretive and little bit dark which is true on the secretive part while being the quiet type a innocent, bookworm and wallflower.

Soft and feminine while the assertive and observant, soulful eyes.

Felt it when she mentioned that the Queen of Wands is warmth rambunctiousness to me with me being very girly but tomboyish as well, quiet taking care of everybody and being smart but all aid while being the reader and the bookworm and being the girl that gets along with everyone else.

Pile 1

Resourceful and wanting to get my money right away. She did mention hyperactivity.

She said I attracted people with money or people who have a good head on their shoulders. Called me out on jumping from one guy to the next guy and mentioned that I have high standards. I'm very direct, stubborn, leaving heartbreak in my trails.

Mentions me being intuitive, wise, very introspective.

She mentioned that they knew my worth and if I could tell that I could be picky; I could love him or leave him before calling me out with the way I tend to mess with a person's psyche and mindfuck them and very finally discard them afterwards.

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How Do Men/ Lovers/ Potential Lovers/ Romantic Love Interests View You? 🔮Pick A Card🔮

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I picked pile 2

The tarot reader state that someone could see me as the one that got away and slippery like a fish out of water. She mentioned that I'm a little bit secretive and little bit dark which is true on the secretive part while being the quiet type a innocent, bookworm and wallflower.

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How Do Men/ Lovers/ Potential Lovers/ Romantic Love Interests View You? 🔮Pick A Card🔮

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https://youtu.be/Ls8Uu2TkEDE?si=nO5iAsZSi8J_aOrM

So for me with Pile 2

She mentioned that I've saved myself from the typical self prophecy of marrying and having kids. I was staying celibate and single for a good time while I'm just taking care of myself through via self isolation and keeping to myself.

Making my money and coin through my job via being an poll worker during the elections.

Delving more deeply into my intuition and spirituality, uncovering more secrets and dark psyche of myself right now.

I was smiling at the mention of King of Pentacles, manly grown and stable energy, attracting earth signs that making you feel grounded and more stable with any accent. She did mention that I could have feelings for him for a long time before I could admit it that I have feelings for him.

The tarot reader did also mentioned that they're a hard worker who's willing and wanting to invest in a connection. But she did gave me an heads up about an ex or someone who likes him as well idk I didn't care for that, she gave off mean girl vibes and jealousy towards our connection.

Twin flame energy; Twin flame union through heart, mind, body and soul; I could be marrying and settling down with for a very long time and he could propose to me

He could be 33 {since he's in his thirties}

Healing Family Issues; Forgiving my mom for certain things she did in the past and healing issues within me.

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😉SINGLE & Ready To MINGLE?😜 What’s Next In Love For You? 🔮Pick A Card🔮 #singleandsearching

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https://youtu.be/HnawqL1I79o?si=VKiAjGCAdrWFXvZN

Pile 2 for me is about slowing down and taking caution when it comes to new opportunities, learning, and experiencing some loss in return for something new return

She mentioned that I should make sure I stay open to new opportunities while studying or looking deeply into these new opportunities while I'm making sure that I get what I wanted in return for these new opportunities.

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All of the AMAZING blessings about to enter your life 🤑🌈✨💍🍀 Tarot Reading Pick a Card ✨TIMELESS✨

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What are his possible astrology placements? (I'm asking out of curiosity) I grab two decks for different answers

Zodiac Tarot Deck

Sun: Virgo

Possible Moon Sign: Sagittarius

possible Rising Sign: Aries

Tarotorial Deck

Moon Sign: Cancer, Pisces, or Scorpio

Possible Rising Sign: Virgo, Capricorn, or Taurus

Let's take the astrology out and look at it differently aka how this into a an reading with a message.

The first card that fell out when I was shuffling earlier was 2 of cups Upright, I didn't put two and two together until I saw the two cups in the temperance card.

Temperance upright explains the need to balance everything else in my life especially when Reversed King of Pentacles clarifying the need to spend your money like crazy instead of saving your money

Reversed The Empress talked about the reminder of self care is very important when I'm helping and busy with my family life especially given after what happened with my mom. I've been a bit too busy making sure that my grandma was okay that I forgot to take care of myself lately. Reversed 10 of Cups clarifying it as a need to reflect on previous and present relationships with my close friends and family as of right now.

Reversed High Priestess shows off the disconnecting and off balance of myself lately especially when I haven't been focusing or listening to my intuition lately. Reversed Eight of Pentacles clarifying it like your fire and motivation is gone like an disappearing flame and I've been feeling off lately and my mind been a bit messy lately.

🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷

I first asked about the energy between him and I right now because I was concerned about the 10 of Cups talked about my relationships plus I didn't want to ruin my chances with him.

This is what I pulled from my oracle deck out of concern for the reversed Ten of cups then I asked about the disconnection between him and I, if he ever noticed it because I hardly paid any attention to his signs and stuff since I got a lot going on in my life right now.

➖➖➖➖➖➖

Did Roman noticed the disconnection between him and I lately?

Upright 9 of Pentacles: Yes, He did notice the disconnecting from you right away.

Upright 10 of Pentacles and Upright Page of Pentacles are double clarifying that he did notice the disconnecting between us and feel concerned about why I wasn't communicating with him and why I wasn't tell him what's going on with me anymore and etc.

Then as an closure reading I asked if there's anything I can do to fix this mess that I caused in the first place.

The first card: Codependency aka Addictions was the main issue for me and the reason for the disconnection between him and I as well.

And the last two cards were reminders and letting me know that there a good reason for why I manifested him and that there's an happy ending for me with him being our wedding together despite my fears of being an good wife to him 😅🥹

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2/4/25

Time: 1:54am

Status: Awake but still tired

So guess who found out his age by accident? Me!! So what happened was that I was scrolling on Pinterest and I saw an picture of him so I thought why not save it, as I tapped on the picture on my Pinterest app, I saw two comments one of them said 'old man'.

I saw my thought out loud: "excuse me, he's my old man." Not thinking of it I tapped the reply and found out that he's 29 🫠 ngl I thought he looked to be in his mid twenties because of how young he looked and his muscules (ok lemme chill out).

Edit: Just did the math him and I got an eight year age gap 😩🫠

I'm like damn I knew I'd be this powerful to manifest an older boyfriend again, but it is what it is especially given that he loves me dearly and I love him back dearly despite our communication issues.

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Felt my forehead tingling after relearning about it's possible for old Hollywood to participate in the occult and they did sex magic. I was listening to how sex magic working differently and I started feeling tingling in between my eyebrows like it was something that I got used to.

https://youtu.be/LVHlxDBOQpc?si=VHZ22m4FfT6an3rX

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Old Hollywood S€X parties & S€X MAGIC rituals

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Context: I did an earlier reading where I was confused so I redid the entire reading and was told by my guides that I misinterpreted the whole thing earlier today so I managed to reask the question in my head so it'll make sense for me.

Saw 222 during the reading

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖

Reversed 3 of Swords represented the release of pain and past heartbreak which is also an emotional purging of the self.

The World clarifies you're leaving past actions behind for a better and honest relationship in the future. Followed by the clarification from the Queen of Cups show how emotional maturity is shown despite being open spiritually and intuitively.

4 of Swords tells you stop controlling everything, relax and release control, at the same time allow change to happen.

8 of Swords explains how one is blinded but wants the other show their emotions. Page of Pentacles is welcoming new beginnings but also more may be incoming.

5 of Pentacles is the feeling of lack, being left out in the cold. The coldness is internal with 10 of Swords wanting to stop and reassess the entire situation from the ground up.

The Lovers clarified the union and the partnership as the temptation of the heart or personal lovers, choose wisely.

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I just did an meditation with Hekate during the could Full Moon and I still have chills all over my body, she might've messed with my headphones a bit too which is cool.

During the meditation, I was at an path where I saw Lady Hekate, so I decided to follow and catch up to her on the path. That's when she gave me an warm smile and asked me what I wanted: I told her I wanted to accept her offer on her and Lady Lilith's guidance and to find my true self through their guidance.

After that, She and I talked and catch up while walking the path, I heard her mentioned something but was interrupted by the person who was doing the guided meditation which was annoying but anyway I was listening to her explain that she felt drawn to me because of I used to speak my mind and being very blunt just like Lilith. I couldn't help but smile and nodded my head yes.

Then I asked about the 3rd person who was lurking in the shadows with her and Lilith, she told me that they come through when they feel I'm ready to see them but keep noticing the wolves that they're sending me. As we made our way to the path and she handed me the torch and the key reminding me of her old school motherly presence. After that I made my way back by myself with their support and I opened my eyes to see it's 10:30 on the clock.

I just remembered that she wanted me to use my shadow work oracle deck that I just got for shadow work.

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At 8:28 am this morning I saw this reading and decided to watch it. The tarot reader said that my mindset is consistently protecting me from something negative yet my guides are wanting me to believe that everything is okay. Self sabotage is mentioned.

She said that sacred reunion could happen

saw 838 while watching the reading

Learning how my ego and my fears grounded me instead of letting it control me. That's the pattern.

She mentioned twin flame; my dream soon to become an reality.

Unexpected connection, comes out of nowhere, vulnerable energy.

Saw 848 during the reading. I may meet him while on vacation for Christmas. Out of my comfort zone; He could come into my life to help elevate and lift me up.

New beginnings, manifesting the one: Very soon your true love will arrive soon with lasting love: very soon my true love will arrive soon.

Elevate each other and healing each other.

Being vulnerable with him. Dreams come true.

Burning desires and marriage, long term partner.

https://youtu.be/BskUfLjRaHU?si=QNbkfDEAcLMw_-Zy

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He's wilding on my Pinterest feed

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[11/10/24]

My entire energy felt off today and I didn't felt like socializing, exhausted for no reason

Then around 2pm I took an nap because I was tired of doing everything for everyone because they don't know how to do it or it's because I managed to figure it out myself. Saw some angel numbers: 777, 777, 222, 666

It's 6pm and I don't feel exhausted except for the fact my sister decided to come into my room and fake barf without knocking.

Saw some angel numbers: 656

9:49pm

An sudden loud high pitched ringing in my right ear

[11/11/24]

Woke up at 5am and saw 5:55 on the clock. Stayed in bed for a bit before grabbing my phone and getting on TikTok only to be bombarded with twin flame stuff, bikers, etc.

One of the TikToks mentioned age gap and I was like I still don't know how old he is currently since I'm turning 20 on Thanksgiving.

Angel numbers: 656, 5:55

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How is Mikey feeling today?

The Chariot: a lot of focusing with ambition and triumph

Reversed 5 of Pentacles: Financial recovery followed by his improvement of his health and all of support.

Someone else: Someone is in the middle or someone is trying to sabotage this.

10 of Wands: obligations, numerous opportunities, responsibilities

Reversed 9 of Pentacles: dissatisfaction, loss of identity, seeking external validation.

Reversed 4 of Pentacles: Greediness, hoarder, overspending

Water Sign: Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces

Reversed 5 of Cups: acceptance, moving on, finding peace, contentment, seeing positives

Love Meaning: moving on from past relationship, healing from old wounds

The Lovers: harmony, attractiveness, and perfection in a relationship

Distance: You and your partner may be physically or emotionally distant.

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Inner Teen

12-16 years old

Trauma from dealing with people not being trustworthy, being told to hold me tongue

Had to banish an second Yan who was emotionally abusive towards me

Had my first heart break

Held in a lot of my emotions

Talking to older men on online

Wanting to speak up and speak her opinion with bluntness.

Discord drama was ruining my mental health via getting blocked and banned from a discord server by someone who I thought I can trust because of past drama.

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It a full moon today..
To be honest, I'm just upset with myself for not realizing sooner how I'm not feeling my emotions will affect others. I'm just like struggling to feel or express how feel with bottling up everything internally to avoid conflict and making things worse.

I'm just feel so sorry for little me, tween me, and me in the present day for not being more open to my emotions and expressing my vunerablity sooner than later.

I just want to make things easier for everyone else's needs except mines. I'm too judgemental and letting my ego control my life instead of listening to my guides and my intuition for advice. I'm just crying right now because I'm not sure how feel like myself again.

I didn't want to make things worse or add my issues onto someone else's plate of their own issues. I just can't take the bottling up my emotions anymore, I hurted myself and in past relationships where I kept my heart guarded due to trauma and having my heart played with like a toy, just to be put my needs on the sidelines for everyone else.
Like I wanna open myself up to love Mikey badly, My heart is wanting to experience that feeling of love at first sight again.
I want tell him how I feel about him and express my vunerablity to him while telling him I have a hard time expressing my vunerablity and emotions so we could make communication easier for us.
I want my heart to please open up, I feel so emotional and I wish I wasn't so emotionally blind to him and his feelings.

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History of my wild time before I got into spirituality 

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History of my wild time before I got into spirituality 

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Disorganized Attachment could be could've been started at the root of my early teens or on the day of my birth

The abandonment stemmed from my birth, my dad wasn't there when I was born through out my life until I was 16-17 I started see him more often and met his parents then during my graduation I was hoping to see him and his parents, they never did came to my graduation.

At 11-13 yrs old for a year and a half I was verbally and emotional abused by one of my mother's former partners which caused me to close off my emotions to avoid conflict and getting in trouble.

At 16 yrs old I was talking with older men on the internet, I was so fucking naive at the time. Then I had a very adult Tumblr blog I think it was two blogs then I had talked to on discord and a few to a many on Snapchat and Instagram.

I knew I was in a fucking cycle that I had to break but couldn't because I was desperately seeking male validation at 14-16 yrs in 2020-2021. I wasn't conscious and self aware of the fact I was in an cycle and that I was just mindlessly doom scrolling through Tumblr and texting guys on Kik, Tumblr, Instagram, and Discord so yea it was fucking bad that I got caught by my parents so yea and was told to delete Instagram.

It took me until I was 19 and realized that I was in a cycle that I became tired of it and did an about me on my backup Tumblr blog that I think it's still up idk. One of the original followers from my old blog that was terminated got on my ass for lying to him then again I was young and dumb, didn't know at the time yet he was pissed with me and I was like don't care, you can go after that I haven't heard from him since before I deleted the apps off my phone for good. After I deleted the logins to the Instagrams and Snapchats after deactivating the accounts I used for Tumblr.

I deleted my original Instagram account with people I know from school after graduating, blocked anyone from my school and I knew that had my number.

So yea I kinda had a slightly messed up history, I don't know 🤦🏽‍♀️

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It's hard to break codependency when you have an family like mines that depends on my disability money to pay the rent of the house.

I was born in a family where we had to depend on foods stamps, child support money, and disability money because it's hard to get the things you needed these days.

I can feel the guilt of wanting to break the codependency for myself but at the same time it getting more harder to live or find a damn house that'll fit all of our needs

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Today, One of my uncle passed away today peaceful an hour ago. I figured that we would have an another funeral soon after my other uncle's funeral.

I knew that we were going to have another funeral but everyone else told me to don't say that yet sometimes I could be right since I know that I can't always be right..

When my mom first told me is when she woke me up and I was still sleepy when told me so I was shocked but at the same time, I had a feeling that he would pass away eventually and I don't blame him, he been in pain for a while now and he can't feel it anymore..

Anyways I hope my uncle is resting peacefully now. I might take his advice on being private from family since my entire family is very nosy..

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So I figured out what I did was a form of fearful anxious attachment because I kept self sabotaging myself because if anyone asked me to be vunerable.

I quickly revert to avoiding it or calling off so what've I been doing was something type of self defense mechanism in my subconscious mind is that  being vunerable ISN'T good for me.

So when I "broke up" with Michaelangelo, that was me being scared of being vunerable and open up my heart to him. And that reading I did triggered me emotionally.

Not gonna lie I fucked up and I did that 3 times in different relationships with 3 different guys..

Man I gotta apologize to him

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Ngl my ego can kiss my black ass goodbye...

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At 1:17 am, I broke down crying after wanting to feel my emotions again..

I kept asking myself, is this what's it's like to feel again after almost 19 years of holding it in.

I was rocking my body as a way of comforting myself while crying

I feel upset, frustrated, regretful, shamed, and wishing I did feel my emotions more often.

Angrily scrolling through Pinterest; I was pissed with myself

I'm fucking pissed with myself, why did I protect my damn ego..

At this point I don't fucking care about my mind, I'm gonna listen to my body, I might do a damn bad habit or 2 at least I'm showing my emotion for once...

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Why am I so hard on myself??

Everyone in my family has high expectations for me and my sister, I was supposed to go to college after my gap year but didn't due to fear and anxiety.

I grew up spoiled and coddled so I expected everyone else to give me every thing I needed but I always wanted to make everyone else happy by people pleasing and getting good grades in school.

After I graduated, the pressure got worser and I was chronically online looking for validation in the wrong places. I was becoming more naive to everything since I'm just now entering adulthood.

Why does that matter

To me, success and people pleasing was the only thing to make everyone else happy, I don't know how live my life yet

Why do I push myself so hard?

Fear of failure, not being good enough for myself, seeking external validation through.

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Meditation: https://youtu.be/149tYQEhqvY?si=A-P79CrLaZ8tJvTQ

How I feel did I feel during the meditation: Crying and trying my best to release my bottled up emotions. I was comforting myself by rocking my body and  telling myself: "It's okay to release almost 20 years of bottled up emotions.

How did I feel after: Like a small weight lifted from my body.

Emotion I felt: Sadness and Frustration at myself for not releasing my emotions

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Things to be Grateful for:

1. Waking up feeling well rested and ready for the day

2. For trying my best and check myself

How do I feel:

- Exhausted

- Apathetic

Thoughts:

- Failing at trying to not protect my ego

- Trying my best to become more emotionally mature and vunerable

- Exhausted from emotional repression.

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Angel's Reading for me after I did a reading for her
The 8 of wands and page of wands had flew out as a pair and immediately gave me sexual energy
So here's my simple message
8 and Page of Wands: dude was super horny, had a high libido. Jerked off faster than he usually does.
King of Swords and 7 of Cups: Cut off other hoes, got bored of all the hoes approaching him.
9 of Swords and Ace of Cups: stressed about his love life a lot, worried he'll never meet "the one".
Wheel of Fortune and 6 of pentacles: he has had good fortune in his career that he is able to share his money.

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An Mini Message from a Tarot Interview

The tower is destruction of the comfort zones

The sun is the light at the end of the tunnel

Queen of Cups: intuition, feminine yet emotional.

Stagnation: The reversed Hanged Man may indicate a state of stagnation, a feeling of being stuck, or a need to approach things in a new way.

Reversed 3 of Wands, 4 of Wands, and 5 of Wands indicates the lack of creativity and passion

Death: changes, transformation

Reversed 3 of Cups and Reversed 4 of Cups: an period of introspection and withdrawal. You are retreating into your own inner world.

Eight of Pentacles reversed may indicate that you are focused on creating perfection, but to your detriment. When you focus on every tiny detail, you lose sight of the bigger picture and why you're doing the task in the first place.

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This man is something else...

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Mind you I just woke up and saw this at 10:35-10:40 and I saw an scream 5 edit on tiktok

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I guess he didn't like at I wasn't paying attention or maybe he's trying to tell me something that I don't know yet.

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Hierophant - traditional

Ace of Wands - creative beginnings

Queen of Wands - self assured; confident and charmastic

9 of Coins - feeling resourceful and accomplished

4 of Wands - harmony

Knight of Wands - an charmer, someone who's reckless;

The Star - an realization

9 of Cups - feeling blessed

Four of Coins -

Page of Cups - Creative opportunities, intuitive messages, curiosity, possibility.

I asked what was the intuitive message I missed earlier when I was cooking

Ace of Swords: Breakthroughs, new ideas, mental clarity, success

Nine of Swords: repeating negative thoughts in your mind, you run the risk of manifesting them in your life. So, the Nine of Swords asks you to break the cycle.

Six of Wands: positive encouragement to believe in who you are and your accomplishments so far. Have faith in what you’ve done and how others will receive it. Do not let fear or guilt stand in the way of your success.

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I did something I've never thought I'd would do delete social media not my accounts but the apps.  I realized how bad I'm just doom scrolling on multiple apps 24/7 instead of doing deity stuff like shadow work, working on myself, trying to figure out how should I do deity work my way.

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I didn't noticed that at the time It may be both a trigger/sign idk I wasn't paying attention at the time it happened..

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A bit of an vent or idk...
I got triggered at 3:52am in the morning because idk what I'm doing with my life. So while I was doom scrolling on TikTok, I was triggered by a song lyrics because I resonated really well with the lyrics and the pressure of being put on by my own family and society.

"Please understand that I'm trying my hardest

My head's a mess but I'm trying regardless" - [Consume by Chase Atlantic]

I literally had turn off my phone and cried because I knew how it resonated well with me.

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Don't let me down by Chainsmokers ft Daya gives me insight into his relationship with his ex.
By the way, my right ear was ringing like crazy when I was singing, "Tell me, why are we wasting time. On all your wasted cryin' When you should be with me instead?" I think he's proving that he'll treat me better than the last guy not knowing I abandoned them 🌚

When I woke up I felt myself leaving my body idk what was that but I was feeling exhausted lately.
Today I woke up at 11:11 am, Saw 12:21 and 12:22. "If only I knew what my heart was telling me, I could the signs in front of me" at 252.
I saw 4:44 rn while watching YouTube.

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Today I listened to self concept subliminals wrote down self concept affirmations with updating my playlist with some self concept subliminals for myself.

I kept seeing 616, 636, 555, 222, 11:11, 131, 8888, 2222, 17:17 while I was journaling.

My playlist: https://feelthemusi.com/playlist/1bgr2h

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So Angel suggested a few days or weeks ago to listen to self concept subliminals.

By the way I think kinda day 11ish?? of me listening to self-concept subs
- I was journaling all day until my nephews interrupted me
- My left and right ear were ringing whenever angel numbers are nearby

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Left Ear ringing at 8:46pm

Saw 858

Right ear ringing at 9:39pm

Ghost face mask at 11:01

21% at 12:21

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Saw 11:55, 11:11 earlier and 10:10

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Saw 222, 1122, 111, 3333, 1133, 1144
Left Ear ringing at 11:46pm

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Angel Numbers: 222, 232, 242, 303, 323, 333, 848, 555, 434, 838, 919, 444

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Angel Numbers: 222, 232, 242, 303, 323, 333, 848, 555, 434, 838, 919, 444

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Saw 222 232 242

I started singing Freedom by Beyonce and Kendrick Lamar after getting the oracle card, Freedom

Protect: Protection from harm and comfort during difficult times of the full moon

Transform: Change and Transition; embarce and stop fearing change

Determination: reassuring that you are on the right path even if it's seems treacherous.

Work: With feelings of determination comes hard work, focus, and industry.

Rest: Listen to your needs and rest when required

Instinct: Following your instinct and finding your own path through the wilderness

Inspire: The wren card urges us to listen and be receptive to the truth of others

Communication: the bat card urges us to communicate and express your feelings

Freedom: freedom and independence; don't not be afraid to open yourself up to warmth, vulnerability, and companionship.

Victory: victory and success, realizing your potential and accomplishing goals.

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Saw 333 and 1001
Started singing what makes you beautiful by One Direction while heating up food at 1001

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Angel gave a reading after I did one for her awhile back and it was amazing and sweet. This is the reading.

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So I kept seeing and my right ear ringing after she mentioned barbecue.

So the craziest thing happened while I was listening to pile 2 and she mentioned marriage and I kept listening until I started singing  "If there's a question of my love, you got it. Baby I've been making plans for you." I was just wait a damn minute I know the song, yet why I was singing it.

I kept seeing angel numbers again: 707, 717

Started singing the lyrics of Jidenna's classic man, "Yea Baby, I'm a classic man."

Angel gave a reading after I did one for her awhile back and it was amazing and sweet.

The reading:

"You guys must be soulmates, very strong soulmates that were destined. Cuz I get this strong feeling that this was meant to him and you guys souls awakened each other. It's giving twinflame energy tbh."

"You gave him this new perspective on life. He is a man that was very focused in his career, making his value in his career was his most important goal. But now, his goal is finding someone to make his family. He doesn't want to just be boyfriend, he wants to be your family. He's let go of the idea that work is most important. What is important is meeting you and hopefully marrying you."

"It was your soul that caught his interest, to be completely honest. Because he sees you as someone that is very loving and compassionate. Literally the perfect spouse.He knows you are a family oriented person, and you made him the same way. He's going to want to be apart of your family too."

"Oh and what your guides want you to know is this last part: Your guides did this, They guided both of your souls to each other and They knew what you really needed. They want you to know that you'll be a perfect wife. If you ever have any worries. Whatever family you create with him, is meant to be."

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Hear my name being yelled out loud and everyone else is asleep with my ears ringing

Saw his signs again

Loud ringing in my left ear at 606.
Saw 609

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Kept seeing signs from him despite not listening to his playlist since last night

Last night I had loud low high pitched ringing in left ear at 959

Just a min ago, I had loud low high pitched ringing in right ear at 303 while laying in bed scrolling through Twitter on my phone.

Right ear ringing at 808

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I did a full moon reading today and It was quite the surprise, I was playing music to help me ground myself

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P.Y.T by Michael Jackson came and the lyrics made me smile for a bit cause I felt bad for not listening to his playlist but the lyrics were so resonating, "You're such a P.Y.T. to me, pretty young thing" the entire song had me smiling so much.

1/21/24

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes focusing on the stuffed dragon because I heard about guardian dragons?? Yea and I immediately felt a warm feeling on my right side of my body

I just heard a loud ringing sound in my left ear that was so loud that I stopped to listen and ask are we good? Before it interrupted me again so I stayed silent and listened to the ringing. 11:11 could be an sign of that being his angel number for me and after doing an reading with my intuition/higher self, I saw 303 and 737 when I heard my ears ringing again.

Saw signs of him on my Pinterest feed, he's quite the surprise and character I could say. Very possessive too, I don't if I dreamt of him again but I know I did when I woke up with an headache this morning. Right and Left Ear ringing like crazy I'll go back to listening to his playlist rn.

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I kept seeing signs of him on Pinterest despite not listening to his playlist for a while, Boyfriend by Big Time Rush was playing while I was making a collage of his signs, some of the signs were kinda strange but I think he might be trying to get me to pay attention to him I guess.

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Seen masked guys and biker guys again plus I see you're an show off after I woke up from a nap. 🙄

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So I dreamt about something crazy last night and this morning. After that I woke up at 10:01 and felt my heart stopped in my sleep.

It was dark but I was being cornered after being chased in a dark area, I don't know if it was wooded or not but I couldn't see who cornered me all felt like I was feeling my heart stopping when I looked up seeing an skull mask on the person and looking into their eyes feeling something trailing up my body like I gave it me chills.

After that dream I kept seeing angel numbers and just saw 7777

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Mind you I hate skirts idk why it popped up then I realized why, he likes girls in skirts. I'm thinking he wouldn't mind seeing me in a skirt but here's the thing I haven't wore one in a while and I don't like them.

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I started getting hints and signs from him.

Biker couple
Biker men on their motorcycles
Tattooed Guys in Suits
Sexual Stuff
shirtless with tattoos
matching couple tattoos
Angel Numbers: 202, 212,777,838,848,858, 909
technical problems earlier
I saw guy smoking cigar in a jacuzzi, and a pic of a smirking guy holding a collar with a chain connected to it on my Pinterest feed with the caption of the pic saying my dady..

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I just made an Vision Board on Pinterest for myself and I did an reading to catch up with my guides and stuff.

I saw 1155 this morning and nearly fell asleep on an good informative video on Lady Lilith, like I was fighting my own sleep to not be disrespectful about listening to her or their   stories.

When you're fighting your sleep to listen an informative video on the goddess you're working with: I'ma fight my sleep just to listen

During the reading I saw 616

After the reading I saw 939

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On the night of New Years, I didn't felt the change of energy at the time but I feel like we're just starting the Age of Aquarius that night because I felt myself being grounded and not aware of what was happening in Miami.

I think what happened in Miami, Florida was a warning to those that weren't spiritually awakening that this year was an spiritual level battleground between nonhumans beings versus human beings that were or were not fully aware of the spiritual side.

The Age of Aquarius is gonna be a spiritual awakening or transformation because Pluto in Aquarius will bring massive energetic transformation that'll impact many people especially those that are spiritually aware.

My guides, my intuition, and the Universe told me I got to be prepared for this Age of Aquarius, once it's starts there no going back to avoid it, face it and remind yourself that you can do anything.

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Seen 828 after I woke up this morning I was still sleepy when I played lookin for a soulmate sublimal while I listened to my playlist, I started seeing couples and guy in a suit and black clothes, one was shirt with shirtless with a motorcycle and a tattoos all over his body on Pinterest feed today so far good results

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Seen 1111 while eating

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I saw 303, 323, 222, 343, 2222

I Seen 111 while checking on my twin nephews,  yesterday I saw 313 and my right ear started ringing, Seen 222 and 414 when my right ear started ringing

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I was chasing external validation from an absentee father who was gonna be there for me. I wasn't loving myself first or that I didn't know that I was still that same little girl who wanted validation from an father that who's been absent all my life.

I still seek validation or approval from everyone in my life before going ahead doing it myself because it was how I was raised...

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Looks like I'm trying my best to open up my heart, just did an open heart meditation for the first time and it felt like a weight lifted off my chest, I was so happy and glad that I did that.

But I'm just wondering what happens if I asked the universe to have me talk to him again about about my emotions but at the same time my heart is telling me to open up to him and tell him how I feel about my past mistakes while my mind is trying to trick me which I'm tired of it sabotaging me and my life.

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What Lessons did I learned this year?
- Sometimes Silence is better than responding
- Self Care and Self Love is important as well.