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Short Guide: After School Restraint Collapse

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Short Guide: After School Restraint Collapse

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Final After School Restraint Collapse Short Guide

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Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA)

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Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA)

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It's normal for children and young people to feel worried about something that's happening at school - for example, when starting a new school or during exams. Sometimes, however, school can become challenging, stressful or distressing over a much longer period of time.

If your child is feeling anxious about school, or not able to go, it can be exhausting for both of you. Mornings in particular can become really stressful for the whole family, as you try to juggle your child's feelings alongside the need to get them to school and get on with your other responsibilities such as work. Even if you manage to get your child to the school gate, you might know how difficult they're going to find the day - or know that you'll be facing the same problem tomorrow morning.

If you're in this situation, we've got advice to help you explore what's going on with your child, make changes at school that can help, and find the support you need if your child can't go to school.

Young people can feel anxious about school for lots of different reasons. They might be worried about making friends or fitting in, find schoolwork or lessons confusing, feel pressured to learn in a certain way or find their relationships with teachers difficult.

Sometimes, going through difficult experiences outside of school - such as bereavement, an illness in the family or being a young carer - can also make it harder for a child to feel settled at school.

For some young people, the school environment isn't right for them, and trying to fit into it can create a huge amount of stress. This might be the case if they are struggling with their mental health, or have a neurodiverse condition or Special Educational Need (SEN) such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia or dyspraxia. This can make the school environment anxiety-provoking and exhausting, especially if their condition or need is undiagnosed or not being well supported.

Young people might show they're feeling anxious about school by:

not wanting to get up and get ready

saying they can't go

worrying a lot about small issues, such as having the right equipment for a lesson

feeling sick, or having stomach aches or headaches

not sleeping well

not doing schoolwork, or their grades dropping

being angry or upset, or acting out - at school or at home

withdrawing - seeming low, quiet or depressed

It's often difficult for your child to articulate the problem. They may be in a heightened state of stress and not know why or feel able to explain. Your child probably wants to feel able to be in school, just as much as you want them to be there. In many cases it just doesn't feel possible.

Sometimes it can be difficult to work out what's making your child feel anxious, and the first step is often helping them to identify exactly what's worrying them. Once you understand the problem, you'll be in a much better position to make changes that can help.

Young people can find it hard to explain what's causing their feelings, and might not be able to answer direct questions like 'what's going on?' Using an anxiety iceberg can help to open up the conversation - giving you a more relaxed way of exploring together what's causing their anxiety.

Watch our video to find out how to make an anxiety iceberg with your child.

If you're making an anxiety iceberg with younger children, you might want to draw images on the iceberg, or encourage them to write simple words. With older children and teenagers, you can ask them to write key words and phrases on the iceberg, or do this as a mind map, with 'school' in the middle and all the things they're finding difficult around the outside.

Through this exercise, you might identify worries such as arriving at school, finding the environment noisy or overwhelming, finding lessons confusing, feeling lonely through the day, or feeling uncomfortable during specific subjects.

Once you understand what's going on for your child, you can use their anxiety iceberg or mind map to communicate with the school and ask for specific changes.

Follow these steps to start a conversation with the school:

Here are some examples of things you can ask the school for:

Remember that even though this situation can be really tough for you and your child, it's a good idea to maintain a positive relationship with the school. Recognise the support they're offering and any changes they're making. This will help you work together to make things better for your child.

Building a relationship with the attendance team at my son's school was hugely helpful, we were talking with them each day.

If your child isn't going to school at the moment, it might feel incredibly stressful and tiring. You might be worried about when they will be able to get back to school or the impact on their education. Or you might feel overwhelmed because you're juggling this alongside work and other family commitments. Things are probably feeling tough for your child too.

During this time, it's important to keep working with teachers and other staff to try strategies that can help your child get back to school. Keep encouraging them to take achievable steps towards attending too. When the right support is in place, it's often easier for a young person to get back into their usual routine if they can return to school as quickly as possible.

If your child's anxiety about school has built up to the point where they can't go, it's a good idea to get them some professional mental health or SEN support. Find out how to do this further down the page.

Alongside requesting professional help, try to:

The school's SEN and attendance policies should be on their website. Knowing what these are can support you during meetings with the school.

This can help if your child is unable to go to school for a longer period of time and you need to ask for more support, including provision of alternative full-time education.

Encourage your child to get up, do some studying and stop for lunch at the same times they would if they were in school. This will make adapting back to school easier. Explain to your child that if they cannot go to school, they will need to study at home - at least until alternative arrangements are put in place. Ask the school to help you facilitate tasks and activities your child can do and use online resources such as BBC Bitesize.

Not going to school could leave your child feeling really isolated. Make sure they stay connected to the outside world by seeing friends and family, doing activities they enjoy and getting outside for walks and exercise.

Speaking to friends online can be really important if your child is feeling isolated at home. Sometimes, however, you might notice that your child is spending lots of time gaming or on their phone, and that this is getting in the way of important daily activities like spending quality time with family, learning, or sleeping and eating well. If this is becoming a problem, have a look at our guide to gaming or guide to social media for more information and advice.

Local authorities must provide alternative education if a child of compulsory school age is unable to attend school over a longer period of time. If your child cannot attend school because of a mental or physical health issue, the local authority should provide an alternative as soon as it is clear that they will be away from school for more than 15 days (either consecutively or over time). Find out how to request alternative education.

Getting back to school after weeks or months may feel extremely difficult for your child, but you and the school can help make it more manageable. Here are some things you can do to help:

Set small, achievable targets, such as visiting the building outside school hours or attending one lesson.

Request a home visit from a school staff member so your child can check in while feeling safe, see that the school cares and discuss any strategies that might help them.

Ask for a reduced timetable, with regular reviews to discuss building back up at a manageable rate.

Discuss changing classes or sets if your child thinks this would help.

Focus on qualifications needed for what your child wants to do next, perhaps dropping a less relevant GCSE to reduce stress.

My son wasn't questioned about his absence when he did feel able to pop in for favourite lessons, helping to ease him back into full days of education.

If your child is struggling with anxiety and it's affecting their day-to-day life, learning or relationships, it's a good idea to find some professional support. Speaking to the GP and finding them a counsellor or therapist are two good places to start. You can find more information about GPs, counsellors and other mental health services in our guide to getting support from mental health services.

If there is no other obvious reason for your child's inability to attend school, they may have an undiagnosed Special Educational Need (SEN) such as dyslexia, autism or ADHD.

If you think this is the case:

Speak to the school's SENCO or your GP to ask for a referral for an assessment.

While you are waiting for an assessment, you can also ask the SENCO to refer your child for support from other professionals, such as an Educational Psychologist or Speech and Language Therapist. These professionals can identify specific needs and make recommendations for additional support the school can put in place - even if your child hasn't had a formal diagnosis yet.

SEN support at school
If your child is diagnosed with SEN, extra support and adjustments should be put in place at school to help them attend and learn. This is called SEN support, and should be available within the school's existing resources. Speak to the school's SENCO in the first instance about how the school will support your child.
Education, Health and Care (EHC) plans
If you do not think your child's needs can be met by the school's existing resources, you can ask the local authority to carry out an Education, Health and Care needs assessment (EHC needs assessment). If the local authority decides your child needs additional support, they will then make an Education, Health and Care plan (EHC plan). This outlines how the extra support they need will be provided. Find out more about EHC plans.
Your Local Offer
Your Local Offer is the information, support and services available for young people with SEN, and for their parents and families. You can find out what support is available in your area by going to your local authority's website and searching for their Local Offer.

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

We have more tips and advice on supporting your child with school, and information about how you can get in touch with our Parents Helpline.
This page was reviewed in December 2022. It was created with parents and carers with lived experience of supporting their child or young person with school anxiety. We will next review the page in 2025. YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK - the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.
Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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School Anxiety and Refusal | Parent Guide to Support

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If your child is anxious about school, or refusing to go to school at all, read our tips and advice on how you can support their mental health.

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Gov.uk - school attendance and absence information

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Gov.uk - school attendance and absence information

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The government website details the basic information and rules surrounding school attendance, as well as advice regarding legal action to enforce school attendance, and help with getting your child to school.

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You must make sure your child gets a full-time education that meets their needs (for example if they have special educational needs). You can send your child to school or educate them yourself.

Children must get an education between the school term after their 5th birthday and the last Friday in June in the school year they turn 16.

You'll be contacted by either:

the school - if your child is enrolled in school and does not turn up (even if they're only absent for a day)

the council's education welfare officer - if they think your child is not getting a suitable education at home

You can be prosecuted if you do not give your child an education. You'll normally get warnings and offers of help from the local council first.

You can get education and attendance information from your council.

When your child can miss school

You can only allow your child to miss school if either:

they're too ill to go in

you've got advance permission from the school

Holidays in term time

You have to get permission from the head teacher if you want to take your child out of school during term time.

You can only do this if:

you make an application to the head teacher in advance (as a parent the child normally lives with)

there are exceptional circumstances

It's up to the head teacher how many days your child can be away from school if leave is granted.

You can be fined for taking your child on holiday during term time without the school's permission.

School trips

Your child's school can ask you for a voluntary contribution to the cost of activities like school trips. They cannot stop your child from attending if you do not pay, but they should cancel the activity if there is not enough money to cover the cost of it.

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You can be prosecuted if your child has unauthorised absence from school - truancy, help with getting your child to school, and legal action to enforce school attendance

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he Hampshire County Council guide for attendance includes the following information:

Your responsibilities as a parent

What to do if your child is unwell, and longer absence through illness, injury, or medical condition

Why high attendance is important to your child's education

Family holidays and school holidays

Possible penalties for non-attendance, including Penalty Notices (fines)

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Parental attitude has a key influence on a child's school attendance and parents/carers can do much to encourage even reluctant pupils to attend.

Good school attendance habits are best started early. Children learn from those around them and you as parents/carers set the standards and expectations for your child. Showing your child the importance of attending school every day not only helps your child to settle quickly when starting school but helps them to keep and maintain friendships and enjoy the school environment.

Be organised, have a plan, be consistent and involve your child.

You should:

create good routines for mornings at home so that your child can arrive punctually and they are properly equipped; this will also mean your mornings can start calmly too

make time to encourage and show interest. Chat to them about the things they have learnt, what friends they have made and even what they had for lunch! Remember children can be tired when coming out of school, so a short chat over a snack or later that evening may produce a better result than a long list of questions

read all school communications. A home/school diary can help with communication only when all parties use it as intended

attend school open evenings and functions

check your child understands the homework and that it has been completed. Support them in completing homework by creating a calm space for them to work in and set specific times during the week when homework should be done

share any education concerns your child or you may have with the appropriate member of school staff

set realistic boundaries and sanctions (do not impose boundaries that neither your child nor you will be able to keep, eg grounding a child for a month will not work, short periods will have much more effect)

avoid absence from school wherever possible – try to make doctors and dental appointments out of school hours. Absence means your child will miss out on the academic studies and will also learn that education is not the main priority within the family. This can have a lifelong effect

Your responsibilities as a parent

By law, all children of compulsory school age (normally five to 16) must receive a suitable full-time education. As a parent, you have a legal responsibility to make sure this happens – either by registering your child at a school or by making other arrangements to give them a suitable, full-time education. Once your child is registered at a school, you are legally responsible for making sure they attend regularly. This means your child should not have sessions of unauthorised absence.

Section 576 of the Education Act 1996 defines parent as:

all natural parents, whether they are married or not

any person who, although not a natural parent, has parental responsibility for a child or young person

any person who, although not a natural parent, has care of a child or young person

Having care of a child or young person means that a person with whom the child lives and who looks after the child, irrespective of what their relationship is with the child, is considered to be a parent in education law.

Recording your child’s attendance

Schools must take an attendance register twice a day, which is a legal document that is kept for five years. Any absences will be recorded with a specific code depending on the type of absence. Absences fall into two main categories:

authorised – those which schools can give you permission for

unauthorised – those which they will not

Examples of absences which the school is unlikely to authorise can include:

sickness of a parent, or other family member

inadequate clothing for school

child being used as a carer

problems with transport

non-urgent medical treatment

school refusal or truancy

days off for birthdays, shopping trips

family holiday since new regulations came in September 2013

If your child needs a leave of absence you must ask for permission in advance. The headteacher can only approve the absence if he/she views them to be exceptional reasons. The headteacher also decides on the number of days to authorise or unauthorise. You can request a leave of absence form from your school.

What do I do if my child is unwell?

Most schools will have an attendance policy which is aligned to the expectations and guidance of Hampshire local authority, including the specific procedures a parent/carer should follow in the event of their child needing to be absent from school. Parents/carers are advised to refer to the school’s own procedures alongside this guidance.

As a parent/carer you should notify the school on the first day your child is unable to attend due to illness. Generally this is done by telephone and many schools now have an answerphone facility specifically for this purpose. Schools should authorise absences, unless in very rare cases when they have cause for concern about the genuineness of an illness. If this is in doubt, schools can request that medical evidence is provided, such as a prescription or an appointment card; a note from a doctor may not be necessary. Schools can record the absence as unauthorised if they are not satisfied that the illness is genuine but should advise parents/carers if they intend to do so.

You should let the school know:

the nature of the illness (although you may wish to talk confidentially about this)

whether your child has seen their GP, or whether an appointment has been made for some other specialist service

how long you expect your child to be absent from school

the prognosis for the child’s recovery

For absences that are expected to last up to 15 school days and that are not part of a pattern of a recurring illness, the parents/carers should discuss with the school whether they are willing to organise for work and homework to be set as soon as the child is able to cope with it. The school should also agree with you how completed work will be collected, marked and returned.

Longer absence through illness, injury or medical condition

If absence is long-term or repeated, schools may request proof that your child is genuinely unwell and unable to attend school as this is a key part of their safeguarding duties. Keep copies of any appointment letters or medical reports.

If your child:

has a long term or chronic condition, and is expected to be absent from school for a longer period

has intermittent attendance due to an illness (such as epilepsy or sickle cell anaemia)

is going to be absent from school for a period of therapy or surgery

The school may want to draw up a support plan with you, and consider whether to refer your child to our specialist services.

Education for pupils who are unable to attend school because of medical needs can be provided for in the following ways:

children who are in-patients of most hospitals will be taught through the in hospital teaching service

children who are not in-patients, may receive home tutoring organised via the Education Inclusion Support Service and a local education centre

Children who are admitted to NHS hospitals (including psychiatric units) in other areas will receive education through local hospitals, schools or an education centre.

For further information/ enquiries, contact:

Jonathan Willcocks
Inclusion Support Service Manager
Inclusion Support Service, 1st Floor, Elizabeth II Court North, The Castle, Winchester, Hampshire SO23 8UG.
Phone 01962 876263

Why is high attendance important to my child's education?

As a parent/carer you want the best for your children. Having a good education is an important factor in opening up more opportunities in adult life. Did you know that:

a child who is absent a day of school per week misses an equivalent of two years of their school life

90% of young people with absence rates below 85% fail to achieve five or more good grades of GCSE and around one third achieve no GCSEs at all

poor examination results limit young people’s options and poor attendance suggests to colleges and employers that these students are unreliable

poor school attendance is also closely associated with crime a quarter of school age offenders have truanted repeatedly

at least 1 million children take at least one half day off a year without permission

7.5 million school days are missed each year through unauthorised absence

GCSEs may seem a long way off for you and your child but all absence at any stage leads to gaps in your child’s learning. This in turn can:

mean that they fall behind in work

affect their motivation

affect their enjoyment of learning

lead to poor behaviour

affect their desire to attend school regularly affect their confidence in school

mean they miss out on the social life of school and extra curricular opportunities and experiences

affect their ability to have or keep friendships

Family holidays and school holidays

Children have 13 weeks annual holiday from school and school holiday dates are published well in advance online. As such, all parents/carers are expected wherever possible to plan and take their family holidays at this time so as not to disrupt their children’s education. Education law states that parents do not have a right to take their child out of school for a holiday during term time. Only in exceptional circumstances may a headteacher grant permission for leave; and it is the headteachers decision on whether the absence is exceptional and how many days to approve.

Parents/carers who take their child out of school without the absence being agreed and authorised by written permission from the school can be issued with a penalty fine.

Possible penalties for non-attendance

Once you have registered your child at a school it is your responsibility to make sure that she/he attends regularly and punctually. If you fail to do so the Local Authority has a statutory duty to consider legal action to enforce school attendance.

There are a number of legal measures that the Local Authority can pursue, these include:

being issued a voluntary parenting contract

being included in the fast track system which means you will be given 12 weeks to improve your child's attendance

receiving a penalty notice. This is a fine of £60 per parent/carer for periods of unauthorised absence such as truancy, holidays in term time, lateness, unauthorised absence during formal exams, schools assessment or testing or poor patterns of attendance/punctuality

being prosecuted in the Magistrates’ Court. This means you could receive a community order, a fine of up to £2,500 per parent/carer or a custodial sentence
your child being issued with an education supervision order. This is an order where the child attends court and certain measures are put in place regarding attendance at school

Penalty Notices (fines) for non-attendance at school

A Penalty Notice is a fine which may be issued as an alternative to prosecution. If it is paid it does not require a court appearance and does not result in a criminal record.

Section 444A of the Act gives powers to the local authority, and headteachers to issue Penalty Notices in circumstances where it is believed that a person has committed an offence under Section 444(1); that is, where a child fails to attend regularly at their registered school.

Who can be issued with a Penalty Notice

Where absence warrants the issuing of a Penalty Notice, anyone with Parental Responsibility, or having day to day care of the child can be issued with one Penalty Notice for each of the children with unauthorised absence.  If two parents have two children this may result in four Penalty Notices, 2 Penalty Notices per parent.

Further unauthorised absence from school

If you pay the Penalty Notice and your child has further unauthorised absences additional legal action may be taken. For example, in the event that a Penalty Notice has previously been served to you due to unauthorised holiday, should your child have any future unauthorised leave this may result in further legal action for you, such as prosecution or an Education Supervision Order.

Circumstances when a Penalty Notice are issued

As set down by the Department for Education, Penalty Notices can be issued for unauthorised absence. In Hampshire, Penalty Notices are issued when a pupil has had 10 or more half-day sessions (equivalent to five school days) of unauthorised absence, in the last 10 school week period.

Unauthorised absence is absence not approved by the school and will be coded on your child’s attendance record as one of the following:

O: unauthorised absence
U:  late after close of registration
G: non-approved leave of absence (holiday).
Persistent Lateness (L) code which reaches the threshold may result in the issuing of a Penalty Notice.

How a Penalty Notice is issued and amount of the fine

Penalty Notices are either posted to your home or delivered to you by hand. Each Penalty Notice fine is £60 and should be made within 21 days of ’deemed service’ (2nd working day after postmark on the envelope and receipt of posting).  If paid after 21 days but within 28 days the Penalty is £120.

Written warning

If your child has an ongoing pattern of unauthorised absence then you will normally receive a written warning of the possibility of a Penalty Notice being issued. This warning will advise you about the extent of your child’s absence and warn you that if your child’s attendance does not show a significant improvement and if this improvement is not maintained thereafter, a Penalty Notice may be issued without further warning.
Further support, advice and guidance is available from the Department for Education.

No appeal process

There is no statutory right of appeal. Once a Penalty Notice has been issued, it can only be withdrawn if it can be shown that it was issued in error.

Guidance document for parents

Download the guidance leaflet for parents and carers. The leaflet is set up to be printed and folded. If you only view it on screen scroll down and start reading at "Penalty Notices and the Education Act 1996".

Further information about the Legal Intervention Team (LIT)

Guidance document for schools

Download Code of Conduct: issuing Penalty Notices for unauthorised absence from school

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Behaviour and attendance guidance for parents/carers

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Parental attitude has a key influence on a child’s school attendance and parents/carers can do much to encourage even reluctant pupils to attend.

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Not Fine in School is a parent-led organisation empowering families & raising awareness of school attendance barriers (school refusal/ anxiety/ SEND/ bullying)

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Are you feeling sad or worried about school?

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Are you feeling sad or worried about school?

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Parents Guide to School Anxiety & Refusal

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Parents Guide to School Anxiety & Refusal

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If your child is anxious about going to school, or refusing to go to school at all, read our tips and advice on how you can support them and work with their school.

Get advice and updates directly to your inbox

Join our fight for children and young people's mental health. Sign up to the YoungMinds mailing list to receive our monthly e-newsletter, campaign updates, information about events and fundraising and other opportunities to get involved in our work.

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Guide Menu for School anxiety and refusal

Guide contents (jump to section)

Real stories related to school anxiety and refusal

School can be a source of support, belonging, learning and community for young people. It can provide roles and responsibilities that make them feel good about themselves, the opportunity to think about their own opinions, access to sport, drama, art, trips and other new things, a sense of progress and achievement, life-long friendships, and supportive relationships with teachers and other adults.

However, every child and young person will worry about things that happen at school from time to time - and that's completely normal. For some young people, school can become challenging, stressful and distressing over a longer period of time.

If your child is struggling at school, the important thing is to recognise there's a problem to be solved, and to work with them and the school to find the right support as soon as you can.

Signs a young person is feeling worried about school

Young people can feel worried, anxious or unmotivated about school for lots of different reasons.

Some will be worried about something that's happening at school, while others may find school overwhelming because of difficulties in other parts of their life.

Every child and young person will worry about things that happen at school from time to time - and that's completely normal.

Young people tell us their worries about school can include:

finding the work difficult, or having problems concentrating

finding school exhausting, especially if they are dealing with mental health issues

feeling pressure to get good exam results

difficult relationships with friends and friendship groups

not feeling accepted or that they 'fit in'

not getting on with teachers

feeling pressured to be the same and learn like everyone else

experiencing or witnessing bullying

feeling unsupported and not seen as an individual

additional needs such as dyslexia not being recognised

feeling average or no good in a class of high-achieving peers

Young people may show they're feeling anxious about school by:

not wanting to get up and get ready

being reluctant to go to school

getting very worried about relatively small issues, such as remembering the right equipment for
a lesson

feeling sick or having stomach or headaches

not doing schoolwork, or getting lower marks

being angry or upset, or acting out

exploding when they get home, even if they seem okay at school

withdrawing - seeming low, quiet or depressed

refusing to go to school at all

not going to school without you knowing

Helping your child with school anxiety

Share our Beano videos with younger children

If you have a younger child who's feeling worried about starting at a new school, making friends or fitting in, we teamed up with our friends over at Beano studios to make a series of fun videos to help them.

Helping your child with school refusal

Ask the school to arrange a reduced timetable, with only a few lessons each week - with the aim of building back up when it feels manageable for your child.

Discuss the possibility of changing forms, sets or tutors if your child thinks this would help.

Request a home visit from the school, where a staff member can check-in, show your child the school cares about them and discuss strategies for moving forward.

Think about small, achievable targets your child can work towards.

What will happen if my child doesn't go to school?

If your child is regularly missing days of school, or not going at all, the school's first step will usually be to work with you to try to solve the problem.

Letting the school know what's going on as early as possible, sharing information, attending meetings and being open to trying new strategies will encourage them to take a supportive approach.

If the absence continues, the school may refer you to an Education Welfare Officer from the local council. This person will usually arrange a home visit to find out what's happening and work with you to try to resolve the problem.

If needed, the school and other professionals may also refer your child for other support, including for their mental health.

If your child cannot attend school for a period of time because they are not mentally well enough, it is likely that you will need to provide evidence from a GP or another professional.

If the school is pressuring you to get your child back to school and the communication doesn't feel constructive, a good first step is to re-emphasise to them why your child isn't attending - for example because they do not feel mentally well enough. It may also help to get advice and support from your Local Education Authority.

If the school or local council think your child is missing school without a good reason, you can face legal consequences such as fines.

Tips for working with your child's school

Depending on how difficult your child is finding things, you can discuss some of the following strategies with the school:

linking them with a member of staff, for example from the pastoral team, who they can chat to

linking them with a peer buddy or mentor

finding a way for them to feel more part of the school community, for example by joining a club

thinking of ways they can structure break-times if they are finding them difficult

offering them a new role or responsibility, such as library or book-corner monitor, or learning mentor

offering a flexible start-time or timetable

referring them for additional support such as counselling

What to do if you're unhappy with how things are being handled

If you are unhappy with the way a member of staff is responding to your concerns, escalate them to a more senior person - such as a more senior teacher, a deputy head, or the head teacher. If this doesn't work, you can contact the school governors (their contact details should be on the school's website), and lastly the Local Education Authority or the Academy Trust.

Finding professional help

A school counsellor or therapist can provide emotional support and help your child to express and make sense of their feelings. If this is offered by your child's school, you can talk to their teacher about making a referral.

If your child's school does not offer counselling, or your child would not feel comfortable seeing a counsellor at school, you can use our guide to help you access it elsewhere.

If you're worried about your child's mental health or wellbeing, speaking to your GP is often a good first step. They can discuss your concerns and, if needed, refer your child for more support - including to Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS).

Your child's school can also refer your child to CAMHS. If you would like their support with a CAMHS referral, it might help to talk to the school nurse.

If you think your child may have additional needs or learning difficulties, speak to their teacher or the school's SENCO (Special Educational Needs Coordinator) about whether they need to be referred for an assessment. They may then be able to access additional support through the school.

Children and young people under 25 who need more support than their school can provide are entitled to an Education, Health and Care (EHC) plan. EHC plans identify their needs and set out the support that will be provided. You, your GP and your child's school can ask your local authority to carry out an assessment for this. The process can take a long time, so it's often a good idea to try to get support through the school fist.

Your local authority's 'Local Offer' also outlines how parents of children with SEND can access information and local services. You can search for this on your local authority's website.

You can find out more about speaking to GPs, finding a counsellor or therapist, accessing CAMHS and finding local services on our guide to getting help.

Where to get further support

Useful helplines and websites

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School Anxiety & Refusal | Parents Guide To Support

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If your child is anxious about going to school, or refusing to go to school at all, read our tips and advice on how you can support them and work with their school. Get advice and updates directly to your inbox Join our fight for children and young people's mental health.

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You must make sure your child gets a full-time education that meets their needs (for example if they have special educational needs). You can send your child to school or educate them yourself.

Children must get an education between the school term after their 5th birthday and the last Friday in June in the school year they turn 16.

You'll be contacted by either:

the school - if your child is enrolled in school and does not turn up (even if they're only absent for a day)

the council's education welfare officer - if they think your child is not getting a suitable education at home

You can be prosecuted if you do not give your child an education. You'll normally get warnings and offers of help from the local council first.

You can get education and attendance information from your council.

When your child can miss school

You can only allow your child to miss school if either:

they're too ill to go in

you've got advance permission from the school

Holidays in term time

You have to get permission from the head teacher if you want to take your child out of school during term time.

You can only do this if:

you make an application to the head teacher in advance (as a parent the child normally lives with)

there are exceptional circumstances

It's up to the head teacher how many days your child can be away from school if leave is granted.

You can be fined for taking your child on holiday during term time without the school's permission.

School trips

Your child's school can ask you for a voluntary contribution to the cost of activities like school trips. They cannot stop your child from attending if you do not pay, but they should cancel the activity if there is not enough money to cover the cost of it.

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You can be prosecuted if your child has unauthorised absence from school - truancy, help with getting your child to school, and legal action to enforce school attendance

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These free online courses offer advice and practical tips to boost your confidence as a parent, help you navigate family life and strengthen your relationships. Whether you are a mum, dad, foster parent or grandparent, there is a course for you.

Developed by psychologists and professionals, they have been designed to help you understand your child’s feelings, development and behaviour, as well as focus on your own feelings as you grow as a family.

It’s simple to register for free unlimited access:

1. Visit https://inourplace.co.uk

2. Select ‘Apply Code’

3. Enter the access code: FAMILY

4. Enter your information and select the relevant course.

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NHS free online: Understanding your child with additional needs

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NHS free online: Understanding your child with additional needs

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The course consists of six workshops, lasting up to two or three hours, providing learning, support and advice on various aspects of being autistic. This can be pre, during or post your child’s assessment/diagnosis. The workshops are open to family members and others closely associated with the care and support of the child. Professionals may only attend in their capacity as parents or carers.

Each session will cover a different area with the aim of increasing understanding of your child’s perception of the world, and how this may show itself in how they react to everyday situations.

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Autism Hampshire offers workshops for families of autistic children and young people, which are funded by the local councils and CPD accredited.

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Youth Options - NVR (referral via GP / school)

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Youth Options - NVR (referral via GP / school)

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If our resources have supported you to get the best from your family life, especially during these challenging times, please do let us know. We love to hear from parents and as a charity, it helps us to know that we are on the right track as well as demonstrate the impact that our programmes have on families.

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Resources for Parents | Family Links | Emotional Health Training

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If you are a parent or work with parents, these resources will support you to get the best from family life. Find free downloads with practical tips and ideas for parents, parenting guides, parenting advice.

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Hampshire Safeguarding Partnership - free courses

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Hampshire Safeguarding Partnership - free courses

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Everyone needs a hand with their relationship sometimes. Add kids into the mix, and there can be lots of extra pressure on you both, as you juggle looking after yourselves and your little (and not so little) ones.

The Relation Kit includes short videos exploring different ways to handle relationship stress, as well as mindfulness activities and affirmation cards for when you need a moment of peace and encouragement.
Relation Kit - ...

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Free courses for parents/ carers - Hampshire SCP

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Everyone needs a hand with their relationship sometimes. Add kids into the mix, and there can be lots of extra pressure on you both, as you juggle looking after yourselves and your little (and not so little) ones.

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Get support with parenting through our online parenting courses

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Family Information and Services Hub

Breadcrumb trail

1. Home

2. Hampshire's Local Offer for Special Educational Needs and / or Disabilities

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Latest News

1. Over 90% of families in Hampshire organise their own journeys to school. They walk, cycle, use public transport, lift-share with other families or take their child to school in the family car. Have a look at Hampshire County Council's Travel to school page for ideas and information. For a minority...

2. 100% of school leaders believe that food and diet can affect cognitive function and children's learning progress, according to the latest survey results from HC3S, Hampshire's main school lunch provider. 90% of schools value HC3S as a partner in supporting nutrition at school, so find out more about how HC3S...

3. We would like to hear from young people in Hampshire about what you would like to see on this website. What information would be helpful for you that's not on here? What do you like about this website? What do you not like about this website? Any feedback...

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Last Updated: 23 June 2023

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Family Information and Services Hub | Hampshire's Local Offer for Special Educational Needs and / or Disabilities

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Your Local Offer - Information and services available in Hampshire for children and young people (birth to 25) who have Special Educational Needs and/or Disabilities (SEND) The Local Offer includes information about education, health, social care, preparation for adulthood, leisure services and impartial information advice and support....

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Do you need some support responding to an EHCP or a Working Document? Join one of our online clinics where we'll guide you through the process.

Impartial Special Educational Needs and Disability Information, Advice and Support (SENDIASS) in Hampshire

Hampshire SENDIASS is an impartial Special Educational Needs and Disability Information, Advice and Support Service (SENDIASS) that aims to make a positive and lasting difference for children and young people with special educational needs and/or disability (SEND) and their parents and carers. We do this by providing timely confidential, impartial information, advice and support through our online resources, at events and workshops, via our helpline service and through individual casework.

​

Hampshire SENDIASS is provided by Polaris Children's Services, part of a leading Children's Services Group with over 24 years of experience in supporting children, young people and their families to build brighter futures.

Feedback

Tell us what you think by taking a quick questionnaire!

Get in Touch

If you can't find what you need, feel free to get in touch with us, our opening hours are Monday-Thursday, 9am-5pm, and on Fridays 9am-4pm . Outside of these hours please use the Contact Us Form. We aim to respond to all enquiries within 2 working days.

0808 164 5504

The Local Offer includes information about education, health, social care, preparation for adulthood, leisure services and impartial information advice and support. Hampshire's Local Offer (co produced with parents, carers and young people) aims to help you find your way through the maze of information to reach the best solutions for you/your child.

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Hampshire SENDIASS | Impartial SEND Advice & Support

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Hampshire SENDIASS provide information and support to Children & Young People with special education needs and/or a disabilities.

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SEN Support, Advice, and Resources - Witherslack Group

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A library of free SEN support, advice, & resources created by SEN professionals for parents & carers of children & young people with special educational needs.

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Child to parent abuse: PEGS aims to reduce the impact of CPA by helping parents, training frontline professionals, impacting policy and raising awareness.

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Child to parent abuse: PEGS aims to reduce the impact of CPA by helping parents, training frontline professionals, impacting policy and raising awareness.

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A letter from our founder

Dear Parent,

I see you; I know you're there; I know the despair, the hurt and upset you are feeling. I know the feeling of blame, the guilt and the constant searching for answers and reasons. I know the sleepless nights, the worry about keeping your family safe, the struggle of trying to hold down employment. I know the looks and comments you get from family, friends and professionals, the tug you feel in your heart. I know that horrific pain that is running through you. I know how you hate yourself when you have thoughts of asking services for help or even to have your child placed with them. I know the failing you feel and how you are trying to survive each day without incident or trauma. I know you feel so isolated and alone even if you do have support around you. I know you're doing the best you can in a situation where you have nowhere to turn. I know this is not your fault and that you are not to blame.

How do I know this? Because I was you. I was being abused by my child. I had all of those feelings and more. Accepting my child's behaviour was abusive was not easy or something I even wanted to consider, but this was the reality. Things will not always be this tough, things can improve and you as a family will find a safe way that works for you.

Right now, you may feel that nobody understands and that your situation is beyond help or support. I promise you it is not. You are not alone. I hear you. I will listen, help and act alongside you if needed.

PEGS was started to help those going through similar situations of extreme difficulty and worry.

PEGS is here for you, created out of trauma but going forward with love, passion and determination to see change.

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Child to parent abuse | Parental Education Growth Support (PEGS)

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PEGS has been set up to support both parents and professionals deal with the issues associated with child-to-parent abuse. Supporting parents and professionals with child to parent abuse. Learn More

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Child-to-parent-abuse (CPA_ or adolescent-to-parent abuse (APA) is any behaviour used by a child or young person to control, dominate or coerce parents, and is more common than you might imagine. It can include emotional, verbal, physical or financial abuse and includes “coercive control”, or in…

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Youth Options - Non Violent Resistance (NVR) course

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Youth Options - Non Violent Resistance (NVR) course

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Little Troopers is a registered charity supporting all military children who have parent(s) serving in our British Armed Forces, regular or reserve.

These children often face unique challenges including frequent house and school moves, as well as regular periods of separation from their serving parent(s) for varying lengths of time due to exercises, training, operations and other service commitments.

As a charity, Little Troopers ensures our British Armed Forces children and their families have access to child-focused support, providing fundamental resources and initiatives.

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April is international month of the military child Find out more here ENTER NOW our Through Our Eyes photo competition Find out more here Supporting all children of our British Armed Forces Little Troopers is a registered charity supporting all military children who have parent(s) serving in our British Armed Forces, regular or reserve.

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The Armed Forces Covenant is a promise that together we acknowledge and understand that those who serve or have served in the Armed Forces, and their families, including the bereaved, should be treated with fairness and respect in the communities, economy, and society they serve with their lives.

Its two principles are that, recognising the unique obligations of, and sacrifices made by, the Armed Forces:

Those who serve in the Armed Forces, whether Regular or Reserve, those who have served in the past, and their families, should face no disadvantage compared to other citizens in the provision of public and commercial services.

Special consideration is appropriate in some cases, especially for those who have given most such as the injured and the bereaved.

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The Armed Forces Covenant is a promise by the nation ensuring that those who serve or who have served in the armed forces, and their families, are treated fairly.

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The RAF Families Federation exists to make life better for Service personnel and their families, at home and overseas. We provide reliable information on the topics that matter most to you, support you through to the resolution of problems resulting from Service and make long-term positive changes happen for the Armed Forces Community.

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The Forces Additional Needs and Disability Forum has published its Winter Newsletter for 2023. What is in the FANDF Winter Edition? In it you will find: Recommendations for useful media Shared experience of a 'New More information

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Information, advice and guidance on: Housing Money Healthcare Employment & Training Education & Childcare Families Overseas Deployment How we can help See how we have

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Sometimes it can be difficult to find the help, support or advice you need. We’re here to help by providing support, driving change and championing RN and RM serving families as they navigate both serving and civilian life challenges.

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Driving Change

We value you, your contribution and your opinions.

We take your feedback to those in positions of power - the Chain of Command, Government Ministers, other Government departments, local authorities and civilian service providers and it informs policy and decision making.

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Naval Families Federation | Royal Navy & Royal Marine Charity

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The NFF exists to give all current serving Royal Navy and Royal Marines personnel and their families the information they need.

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The Army Families Federation (AFF) is the independent voice of Army personnel and their families. We work to improve the quality of life for the Army family, wherever you are in the world.

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Army Families Federation - Supporting Army families worldwide

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Welcome to the Army Families Federation (AFF) website. AFF supports British Army families wherever they are in the world.

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Forces Connect is a mobile phone app that was developed by Forces Connect South East – a cross border partnership of local authorities, the RAF, Army and Royal Navy and health and Service charities, using a grant from the Armed Forces Covenant Fund. Its sole aim is to make it easier for the armed forces community to access direct information on local services available to them.

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Forces Connect App - Armed Forces Network

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Download the Forces Connect App: In May 2017, Surrey County Council, in partnership with Kent, East & West Sussex and Hampshire County Councils and ourselves was awarded £321,000 from the Armed Forces Covenant Fund to promote understanding and awareness within public authorities and related sectors, including health, of the issues…

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Children’s Education Advisory Service (CEAS)

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Children’s Education Advisory Service (CEAS)

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CEAS provides impartial advice to Service families on a wide range of educational issues including: • parental rights and responsibilities; • children or young person’s rights and responsibilities; • special educational needs and/or disability; • school admissions.

The Children’s Education Advisory Service (CEAS) CEAS does not make decisions about a child or young person’s education; they advise families to allow them to make informed decisions.

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Children’s Education Advisory Service (CEAS)

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Children’s Education Advisory Service (CEAS) supports operational effectiveness through the provision of educational support to Service and eligible MOD civilian families.

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Did you know?

If a GP needs to refer you for a physical or mental health condition, in most cases you have the legal right to choose the hospital or service you'd like to go to.

This will include many private hospitals if they provide services to the NHS and it does not cost the NHS any more than a referral to a standard NHS hospital.

You can also choose a clinical team led by a consultant or named healthcare professional, as long as that team provides the treatment you require. Find out more about choosing a hospital or consultant and choosing a mental health service.

You can book your appointment via the NHS e-Referral service. It can be done while you're at the GP surgery, or online, using the shortlist of hospitals or services provided in your appointment request letter. The shortlist is selected by your GP, so make sure you tell them about your preferences during the appointment.

To agree on the shortlist, you and your GP can compare information about hospitals or consultants on this website, including quality outcomes, waiting times, parking and travel. Use the services near you link to make an informed decision before booking.

You have the legal right to ask for your appointment to be moved to a different provider if you're likely to wait longer than the maximum waiting time specified for your treatment.

The hospital or integrated care board (ICB) will have to investigate and offer you a range of suitable alternative hospitals or clinics that would be able to see you sooner. Read the guide to waiting times for more information.

Find out more about:

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Find out about your right to choose where you have your NHS treatment.

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This page gives the waiting list times for some of the companies who offer assessments. This is regularly updated. Although this website is for ADHD, it also includes information on those companies who also provide autism assessments. However, the companies who only offer Autism assessments are not included so do still google.

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Right to Choose - If you are based in England under the NHS you now have a legal right to choose your mental healthcare provider and your choice of mental healthcare team.

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Information about how to get a referral for an autism assessment through your GP or privately, barriers people can face, and the Right to Choose in England.

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Hampshire Young Carers Alliance | Supporting Young Carers in Hampshire

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The Hampshire Young Carers Alliance (HYCA) is a consortium of ten Young Carer projects/services across Hampshire. Learn more.

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Young carers respite support or 5-12 year olds

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At Honeypot, we receive no government funding and rely entirely on donations and support from individuals, businesses, foundations and organisations to provide our services; completely free for every child we support.

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Honeypot is the only charity in the UK that provides continuous support for young carers groups (aged 5-12). Help us be here for some of the most overlooked children in the country.

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Young Carers - Support for Young Carers in Eastleigh

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One Community offer support services for young carers aged 8-18 in Eastleigh Borough, through activities, school and family support.

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A young carer is someone aged 25 and under who cares for a friend or family member who, due to illness, disability, a mental health problem or an addiction, cannot cope without their support. Older young carers are also known as young adult carers and they may have different support needs to younger carers.

What might a young carer do?

Practical tasks, like cooking, housework and shopping.

Physical care, such as helping someone out of bed.

Emotional support, including talking to someone who is distressed.

Personal care, such as helping someone dress.

Managing the family budget and collecting prescriptions.

Helping to give medicine.

Helping someone communicate.

Looking after brothers and sisters.

How many young carers are there?

The 2011 Census identified 177,918 young carers in England and Wales. One in eight of those were aged under eight.

Scottish Government recognises that there are at least 29,000 young carers in Scotland.

This is widely believed to be the tip of the iceberg, with some estimates suggesting that as many as one in five schoolchildren are young carers (University of Nottingham 2018), with this number increasing during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Being a young carer can have a big impact on the things that are important to growing up

Young carers are already likely to have significantly lower educational attainment than their peers.

With the added complications of COVID-19, young carers have missed out on even more school than before and urgent support is needed if they are not to be left behind their peers.

Caring can also be an isolating experience but having the right support in place can give young carers a better chance of succeeding in all parts of their lives.

How we support young carers

Young Carers Action Day

Young Carers Action Day is an annual event led by Carers Trust. It raises awareness and calls for action to increase support for young people with caring responsibilities. On Young Carers Action Day 2022, we are calling on all governments across the UK to commit to taking action to reduce isolation for young and young adult carers including access to short breaks, These are important in providing much-needed freedom from caring responsibilities, as well as reducing isolation and promoting wellbeing.

Specialist services for young carers

Carers Trust helps young carers to cope with their caring role through specialised services delivered by its network of local carer organisations across the UK. They are independent charities. Activities offered include:

Activities and breaks.

Peer and community support, including young carer groups and peer mentoring schemes.

Information, advice and guidance, including one-to-one support and age appropriate information.

Emotional support.

Advocacy.

Brokerage and support planning.

Training in subjects such as health and safety, wellbeing and life skills.

Supporting families and young carers to apply for appropriate benefits.

Emergency planning support.

Whole family support.

Engaging young carers in informing service development.

I think I might be a young or young adult carer, where can I go for support?

The responsibilities of young and young adult carers vary greatly, so you may be eligible for support, even if you don't feel like you do a lot of caring. If you think that you might be a young or young adult carer, get in touch with your local carer service. Support workers will be able to ensure that you receive the support you need.

Find your local carer service

There are also lots of organisation that can support young carers with a range of issues.

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A young carer is someone aged 25 & under who cares, unpaid, for a friend or family member who cannot cope without their support.

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Sometimes, being a young carer can get too much to deal with on your own. Talk to your teacher, school nurse, college counsellor or GP if you're having any of these feelings:

feeling stressed by too much responsibility

feeling physically tired

feeling worried about your relative's health

struggling to cope with other people's mood

having no time for yourself or your homework

missing school

feeling embarrassed about your situation

being bullied

experiencing low self-esteem, anxiety, anger or guilt

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Young Carers | Mental Health Tips for Young Carers

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Sometimes, being a young carer can get too much to deal with on your own.

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Are you supporting a child with a parent in prison?

Supporting children with a parent in prison, might be something you never thought you would have to do. The situation may be complicated, and you may be navigating the criminal justice system for the first time. But when a child's parent goes to prison, it's important to talk to the child about what's happening. They might be confused, sense something is happening, or they might even have already found out some other way.

At Spurgeons we have worked with prisoner's families for years and have drawn from this expertise to create a series of animations to help you have those necessary conversations with children in your care.

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Help for prisoner's families | Support for a child with a parent in prison

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Help for prisoner's families | child with a parent in prison

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Pact supports prisoners, people with convictions, and their families across England and Wales.

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Barnardo's: Children with a parent in prison

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Barnardo's: Children with a parent in prison

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How can adults support children with relatives in prison?

It's important to tell children the truth about where their relative has gone, even if the child is very young. There are ways to explain to your child in an age-appropriate way that their relative has gone to prison, and be honest about how long they will be gone for. As with conversations about loss, the best way to explain is to use clear, literal language rather than euphemisms.

It's important to be aware that it's likely a child will hear things from others in the community and may feel betrayed, or even more distressed, to hear it from someone else.

Older children especially are likely to understand what's happening and may feel strong feelings of anger or disappointment. These feelings are normal, and the child should be given space to feel them.

Children should be given the choice as to whether they wish to visit their relative, or not, as much as possible. The experience of visiting their relative could cause many conflicting emotions to arise, so also consider how the child is supported before and after a visit.

Children with relatives in prison may not talk openly about it, for fear of the stigma or judgement that they may face from others. You may not even be aware that a relative of theirs has gone to prison. If you're worried about a child and their behaviour, the best thing to do is to talk to them about your concerns and create a space for them to feel safe and supported.

How to have open conversations with children about relatives in prisons

Although difficult, try encouraging the child or young person to talk with you. It's important to show this is a safe place for them, so lead with respect and keep the conversation free of judgment.

When speaking to children or young people remember to:

discuss the child's needs with them, focus on what support they might need and reassure them. It's best to focus on them rather than the relative's offence

remind them that this situation is not their fault, and that they are not alone

discuss support available to them, and consider involving them in peer support groups

For more advice about talking to children about feelings and wellbeing see our guides written by experts:

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Children with a parent or relative in prison

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No child should be punished because a relative is in prison. Find out how we support children and their families in these situations.

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Avenue St Andrews United Reformed Church - Southampton

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Avenue St Andrews United Reformed Church - Southampton

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CLEAR Project Southampton | Education & Action Refugees

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CLEAR stands for "City Life Education and Action for Refugees" based in Southampton and has been a project of City Life Church since 2001

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Home - Southampton & Winchester Visitors Group

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We are SWVGWe are volunteers who befriend asylum seekers and refugees in Southampton and Winchester.Find out more About us We are volunteers who befriend asylum seekers and refugees in Southampton and Winchester. Read more Get involved There are so many ways you can help! Befriend, teach English, organise activities, campaign, help raise money or make [...]

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https://www.hants.gov.uk/educationandlearning/emtas/new-referrals/asylum-refugee-guide

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Definition of terms 'asylum seeker' and 'refugee'

In most countries a person must apply for asylum before they are recognised as a refugee. An asylum seeker is someone who arrives in a new country and makes an asylum application. It is then up to the Government to decide if their claim meets the definition of a refugee, as below.

The 1951 United Nations Convention on Refugees defines a refugee as someone who has fled their country due to 'a well founded fear of being persecuted for reasons of race, religion, nationality, membership of a particular social group or political opinion'.

Hampshire has relatively few asylum seekers and refugees, although the numbers have risen significantly since 2016. This means that many of them are isolated and very vulnerable. Schools will need to be flexible in their approach and should seek the advice of EMTAS regarding appropriate provision.

Who are unaccompanied asylum seeking children/young people (UASC)?

An unaccompanied asylum seeker (UASC) is a person who, at the time of making their asylum application, is under 18 years of age or who, in the absence of documentary evidence, appears to be under that age and who is applying for asylum in his/her own right and is without adult family member(s) or guardian(s) to turn to in this country. A child is not unaccompanied if he/she is being cared for by an adult prepared to take responsibility for them.

Some of the children and young people seeking asylum attending schools in Hampshire will be unaccompanied. This means that they arrived in the UK without an adult family member or guardian accompanying them. Some of these children/young people will have been placed in Hampshire by another Local Authority. Many of these children and young people will have experienced trauma including the loss of their parents and/or siblings, or will have lived in war conditions. Schools receiving UASC should contact both EMTAS and the Virtual School for advice.

Safeguarding

Trafficked children/young people

Trafficking is when a child/young person is moved either within a country or into a new country for the purpose of exploiting them. They may be controlled by harm, including physical and sexual abuse, or threats of harm to themselves or their family. Fear of Voodoo or Juju may also be used. They are made to work to pay back the cost of their travel to the UK - their debt bond. Children and young people who are not trafficked do not have this debt as usually a family member paid for their travel to the UK before they left their country of origin.

Some of the asylum seeking and/or refugee children and young people in Hampshire schools will have been trafficked. Usually they will already have been identified as trafficked before starting their education in Hampshire. In these cases, detailed information will have been given to the school by the child/young person's social worker on how to keep them safe whilst at school. All UASC will be assumed to have been trafficked until proved otherwise in order to safeguard them.

Occasionally, a child/young person may not already have been identified as trafficked prior to commencing their education in Hampshire. If any school has suspicions that an asylum seeker/refugee may have been trafficked they should immediately report their concerns to the child/young person's social worker, if they have one. If they do not currently have a social worker, Hampshire's Child Protection team should be contacted. They will then initiate a multiagency response to keep the child/young person safe including notifying the Willow team, Social Care, the police, the Home Office and Barnardo's Child Trafficking Advocacy Service. If appropriate a referral will be made to the National Referral Mechanism. The school will be kept fully informed of any strategies that they need to use to keep the child/young person safe.

Inducting an asylum seeking child/young person or refugee into your school

The way that an asylum seeking child/young person is inducted into their new school is key to their future success in education in the UK. It is essential to plan their induction carefully as early as possible. If it is not clear whether a particular child/young person is an asylum seeker/refugee or not it is advisable to proceed with induction as if they may be as much of the following advice is good practice in the induction of any child/young person entering the UK education system from abroad.

As soon as a school knows or suspects that it is to admit an asylum seeking child/young person it should start the process of collecting as much information about the child/young person as possible. In the case of an UASC this process will be part of an Education Planning Meeting (EPM) set up by one of the agencies involved in supporting the UASC such as the Virtual School. A referral to EMTAS should also be made at this stage.

It is also important to try and find out if the child/young person has been to school before in their country of origin. It is quite common for UASCs to have very fragmented education or no formal education prior to coming to the UK. Children/young people who are accompanied may also have experienced disruption to their education due to the situation in their country of origin meaning that regular school attendance may not have been possible.

Decisions then need to be made about which year group to place the child/young person in (in most cases this will be their chronological year group) and which groups or sets to place them in (middle to higher are recommended). For secondary aged asylum seekers/refugees their timetable and subject choices (if applicable) also needs to be considered. Thought also needs to be given to what type of support the child/young person will need. EMTAS can advise schools about this if required.

Pastoral/Welfare

It is important to recognise that asylum seeking/refugee children and young people will almost certainly be showing signs of trauma, particularly if they are UASC. They may have witnessed horrific events. In the case of UASCs, their parents and other family members may have been killed or the children/young people may not know if they are dead or alive. The journey to the UK will also have been quite traumatic in many cases. All asylum seeking/refugee children and young people are also having to cope with living in a new country where they initially may know no-one, learning a new language and starting school possibly for the first time in their lives. They may be living with people who do not share their cultural background, language or religion.

Schools can play an important part by providing stability and a normal routine for asylum seeking/refugee children and young people. It is important that class teachers, subject teachers and any other relevant staff are aware that these children and young people may be suffering from the effects of trauma, loss, separation and change and that this may affect their behaviour in school as well as at home.

Maslow's hierarchy of needs

Maslow's hierarchy illustrates the psychological needs that asylum seeking children and young people will have on their arrival at their new school. It is worth noting that cognitive needs are a long way up the pyramid. It is therefore unlikely that a newly arrived child/young person will achieve or be motivated to achieve academically if their needs lower down the pyramid are not met. The quality of the pastoral and welfare support provided by the school is therefore of utmost importance.

Assessment

There is no single 'test' that schools can administer on admission to assess a newly arrived asylum seeking child/young person or refugee. The assessment process needs to be on-going and ideally initiated within the first two weeks of admission. This will enable appropriate provision to be offered and appropriate learning targets put in place. It is good practice to review the progress and placement of the pupil at least termly.

EMTAS will complete an initial assessment following a referral by a school which will include a Profile Report detailing the pupil's level of proficiency in their home language, an initial assessment of their level of proficiency in English and background information including their past educational experiences. Academies who have not bought into EMTAS will incur a charge for this service.

Actions to take following the completion of the child/young person's Profile Report

Once complete, the profiling process will have identified the areas where the child/young person will need additional support. The school can now decide how to provide this support and should start to provide it as soon as practicable. EMTAS can provide schools with further advice on appropriate support if required. For UASCs some of this support could be funded through the Pupil Premium Plus grant. Other asylum seekers/refugees may qualify for Pupil Premium if their family is receiving support under Part VI of the Immigration and Asylum Act 1999. The child/young person's need for support will change over time so it is important to review the support on offer regularly to check that it is still needed and appropriate.

EMTAS is able to provide a range of types of support for pupils in maintained schools and academies who have bought in to the service. Other academies are able to purchase support if required.

Support available from EMTAS

Hampshire EMTAS can:

provide detailed guidance on asylum seeker/refugee issues including admission to schools/colleges, teaching and learning, pastoral advice, resources, useful contacts

provide a bilingual assistant to translate or interpret

conduct an initial assessment, including writing a Profile Report detailing the pupil's previous education and current achievement levels to enable early and correct placement

provide advice on appropriate teaching strategies

provide advice on the best course of action regarding GCSE choices/other courses when admitting pupils into Year 10 or Year 11

provide in-class support for the child/young person

provide training for school staff

loan the school resources such as bilingual dictionaries, bilingual storybooks for primary aged children and ICT resources such as Talking Pens.

Parents

Entitlement to compulsory education

Children/young people who are asylum seekers or refugees have the right to free education. This includes young people aged 16-19 who are entitled to attend school sixth forms or Further Education(FE) colleges.

School admission

Schools must by law treat any application from a child/young person seeking asylum in the same way as any other application. The fact that the child/young person may speak little or no English does not matter.

Free school meals

If your family has been issued with vouchers from the National Asylum Support Service (NASS) then your child is entitled to free school meals (and milk, where provided).

School uniform

Schools may be able to provide you with some school uniform items for your child.

At the discretion of Hampshire Local Education Authority school uniform grants may be available.

At school

Please ask the school to obtain a bilingual dictionary for use in school.

If you have a problem or are worried about your child's education, please speak to the class teacher or form tutor.

At home

Continue to use your own language at home. Children who speak their first language well will become better speakers and users of English. Talk to your child about their lessons. This will help your child to understand more.

Unaccompanied asylum seeker children FAQs

Information for Unaccompanied Asylum Seeking children

This booklet "Welcome to Hampshire" was written for unaccompanied asylum-seeking children and young people. Their carers may also find it useful as it contains a wealth of information about life in the UK.

The following document was produced jointly with the Virtual School to help clarify how to access support and pupil premium funding for asylum seekers and refugee pupils: EMTAS and Virtual School UASC Support options

Audio files

You can listen to audio sections of the Welcome to Hampshire booklet being read aloud in English, Arabic, Farsi or Pashto.

Good practice guidelines/other useful documents

From 1 November 2017, the government published a strategy setting out their commitments to safeguard and promote the welfare of unaccompanied asylum seeking and refugee children. Statutory guidance around unaccompanied migrant children, who may be victims, or potential victims, of modern slavery was published at the same time, together with DfE responses to the latest consultation around the care of unaccompanied-asylum-seeking-and-refugee-children.

Links to all of these documents can be found below:

To read more about best practice in relation to refugees and asylum seekers, see the Hampshire EMTAS blog.

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Definition of terms 'asylum seeker' and 'refugee' In most countries a person must apply for asylum before they are recognised as a refugee. An asylum seeker is someone who arrives in a new country and makes an asylum application. It is then up to the Government to decide if their claim meets the definition of a refugee, as below.

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20 fun activities to help you child focus, manage their emotions and succeed.

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Right to Choose - If you are based in England under the NHS you now have a legal right to choose your mental healthcare provider and your choice of mental healthcare team.

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Let Me Be Your Camera - Understanding ADHD

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ADHD and executive functioning weaknesses are explained in a simple yet entertaining way. This is not just for kids! It's definitely worth 2 minutes of your time. If this is helpful please SHARE.

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Our Mental Health Space - Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust

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Managing ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder)

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ADHD manifests differently in girls compared to boys, often presenting challenges that can be overlooked or misinterpreted.

ADHD UK reports that the global prevalence of children with ADHD is approximately 5%. However, diagnostic data reveals a significant difference between genders, with 3.62% of boys diagnosed, compared to just 0.85% of girls. That translates to a gender split of roughly 4:1, boys:girls.

As we delve into the complexities and manifestations of ADHD in girls, it's crucial to recognise the distinct - and often misinterpreted - signs and symptoms that may indicate the presence of this neurodevelopmental condition.

From inattentiveness to potential emotional struggles, understanding the truth behind these gender differences is the first step toward providing the necessary support.

Join us as we present an ADHD in girls checklist, tailored to identify the unique aspects of ADHD in young females. Along the way, we'll discuss the pathways to awareness, importance of early intervention, and comprehensive well-being for girls with ADHD.

Is ADHD More Common In Boys or Girls?

Despite prevalent stereotypes, ADHD is not biased towards a specific gender.

Historically, the disorder has been predominantly associated with hyperactive males - we've all heard the expression, 'boys will be boys', right? - leading to a skewed perception of its prevalence.

Contemporary research ( Skogli, 2013; Slobodin, 2019) challenges this narrative, emphasising that ADHD occurs in both boys and girls. However, the way symptoms manifest can differ significantly, contributing to a higher likelihood of boys being diagnosed.

Girls with ADHD often exhibit inattentiveness rather than hyperactivity, for instance, making their symptoms less conspicuous. This gender-based discrepancy in symptom presentation contributes to the underdiagnosis of ADHD in girls.

In reality, the disorder is equally distributed across genders, but societal expectations and diagnostic biases have led to a disproportionate representation in clinical settings.
Learn more about ADHD in girls & child ADHD assessment with The ADHD Centre
So Why the Diagnostic Disparity?

The diagnostic disparity between boys and girls in ADHD can be attributed to a myriad of complex factors.

Understanding the reasons for female underdiagnosis is crucial for dismantling gender bias and ensuring that girls with ADHD receive the attention and support they deserve. Here are key contributors to the underdiagnosis of girls:

Symptom Presentation: Girls with ADHD commonly exhibit inattentiveness and internal struggles, whereas boys often display more overt hyperactivity. This variance in symptom presentation leads to girls' symptoms being overlooked or attributed to other causes. Societal Expectations: Societal norms and expectations play a significant role. There's a stereotype that ADHD is synonymous with disruptive behaviour, aligning more with traditional perceptions of 'boyish' behaviour. Girls may internalise their struggles, making their symptoms less visible.

Gender Bias in Research: Historical research on ADHD has primarily focused on male subjects, influencing diagnostic criteria.

Coping Mechanisms: Girls with ADHD often develop coping mechanisms to mask their difficulties, such as perfectionism or withdrawal. While these strategies may help manage symptoms temporarily, they hinder the recognition of underlying issues.

Comorbidity with Other Conditions: ADHD in girls often presents with comorbid conditions like anxiety or depression. These accompanying issues can overshadow the primary symptoms.

Educational Environment: Girls may adapt better to the structured and verbal aspects of a school or classroom environment, masking struggles with attention and executive functions. This adaptability can lead educators to overlook potential ADHD indicators.

The ADHD in Girls Checklist

ADHD in girls often presents differently than in boys, with symptoms that may be less conspicuous - but equally impactful on daily life.

Here's our ADHD in girls checklist to help identify potential signs:

Things to Remember About ADHD in Girls

Unfortunately, the gender disparities in ADHD diagnosis can make treatment, and symptom navigation, more complicated for girls. The condition is often not recognised until later in life, when comorbidities may have become more prevalent, and coping mechanisms more deeply-ingrained.

Recently, a Dutch study found that:

47% of boys received medication, compared to 6% of girls, and

38% of boys underwent counselling compared to 8% of girls.

As our clinical understanding of ADHD and girls develops, researchers point to several gender-based nuances that parents and carers should be aware of.

1. Hormones Make a Difference

Girls with ADHD may experience symptom fluctuations during hormonal changes, such as puberty and the menstrual cycle (or menopause, later in life).

For instance, increased oestrogen levels can influence neurotransmitter activity, affecting attention and mood. Clinicians must consider these hormonal dynamics when assessing and managing ADHD symptoms in girls.

At The ADHD Centre, we observe variations in symptom severity throughout the menstrual cycle. This can be particularly impactful for girls as they make the transition into puberty. Understanding these patterns helps us tailor treatment plans more effectively.

2. Silent Trauma May Be At Work

Girls often internalise ADHD-related struggles, leading to trauma that goes unspoken or unrecognised. It's crucial to recognise signs of emotional distress, such as anxiety or depression, and provide a safe space for expression.

Identifying and addressing these emotional aspects is vital for comprehensive ADHD care.

For instance: imagine a teenage girl with ADHD, struggling silently with feelings of inadequacy. Regular counselling sessions can help her articulate these emotions, fostering a healthier emotional well-being; but, without that clinical recognition, the trauma is allowed to fester beneath the surface.

3. Eating & Self-Esteem Can Be Affected

ADHD's impact on executive functions may affect eating habits and self-esteem. Girls might use food as a coping mechanism; equally, parents might notice their daughter avoiding food altogether.

Clinicians should explore the relationship between ADHD, eating patterns, and body image to develop targeted interventions.

We often work with girls to develop mindful, proper eating habits. Connecting their nutritional choices with overall well-being helps establish a healthy relationship with food.

4. Treatment Doesn't End With Medication

While medication can be a valuable component of treatment, a comprehensive approach involves a holistic approach, including strategies such as behavioural interventions and academic support.

Clinicians collaborate with educators, parents, and mental health professionals to create a supportive environment for girls with ADHD.

From a clinical perspective, truly effective treatment extends to the school and home environments.

Accommodations, understanding, personalised learning plans, and teacher/parent collaboration, for instance, demonstrably enhance academic success for girls with ADHD.

A More Inclusive Diagnosis

Ultimately, promoting a more inclusive ADHD diagnosis involves challenging stereotypes, raising awareness, and advocating for personalised assessments.

In brief, here's how we can contribute to a more comprehensive understanding:

Gender-Informed Screening Tools: We aim to implement ADHD screening tools that consider gender-specific manifestations. This ensures a more accurate identification of symptoms in girls, preventing misdiagnosis or overlooked cases.

Educational Initiatives: Campaigns for parents, teachers, and healthcare professionals highlight the diverse ways ADHD can present in girls, fostering awareness and reducing stigmas.

Parent and Teacher Collaboration: Work toward open communication with teachers. Creating a collaborative environment ensures that observations from both home and school factor in a more accurate diagnosis.

Holistic Assessment Approach: A holistic assessment approach considers not only observable behaviours, but also emotional well-being, academic performance, and social interactions.

By challenging existing norms and embracing a gender-sensitive perspective, we can ensure that every individual, regardless of gender, receives the support and understanding needed for effective ADHD management.

If you think your daughter or a young female in your life may be dealing with the effects of undiagnosed ADHD, don't hesitate to book an ADHD assessment today.

Are ADHD symptoms different in girls compared to boys?

Yes, ADHD symptoms can manifest differently in girls. While boys often display more overt hyperactivity, girls may exhibit inattentiveness, daydreaming, or emotional sensitivity. Recognizing these gender-specific symptoms is crucial for accurate diagnosis and tailored treatment.

What are some common challenges faced by girls with ADHD in school?

Girls with ADHD may encounter academic challenges related to inattention, organisation, and time management. They might struggle with completing tasks, staying organised, and managing their time efficiently, impacting their academic performance.

How can parents and teachers collaborate to support girls with ADHD?

Open communication is key. Parents and teachers should share observations and insights to create a comprehensive understanding of a girl's behaviour. A collaborative approach ensures that both home and school environments contribute to effective support and intervention.

What role do hormones play in ADHD symptoms in girls?

Hormonal changes, especially during puberty, can influence the manifestation of ADHD symptoms in girls. Understanding these hormonal dynamics is essential for recognizing the nuances in symptom presentation and adapting treatment strategies accordingly.

Is medication the only treatment option for girls with ADHD?

No, medication is just one aspect of ADHD treatment. A comprehensive approach includes behavioural therapy, lifestyle adjustments, and support systems. Tailoring interventions to address individual needs ensures a more holistic and effective management of ADHD symptoms in girls.

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An ADHD in Girls Checklist | The ADHD Centre

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What are the signs and symptoms of ADHD in young females? And how can you help? An ADHD in girls checklist. Book an assessment today.

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ADHD symptoms in girls often look different than in boys and can go unrecognized. Here are 20 signs to help you identify ADHD in girls so you can seek help.

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If you have a diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) this means that you can struggle with paying attention, have high levels of energy and react quickly to things. This can get in the way of everyday life such as school, hobbies and making friends, although how much it affects someone can vary from person to person.

Tasks such as sitting still, concentrating and following instructions are much harder for people with ADHD as they often feel restless or fidgety, can be easily distracted and can talk a lot, which makes activities such as school lessons and doing homework even more difficult.

People with ADHD can sometimes find it harder in social situations such as making friends or playing games as they can find it hard to follow conversations, wait for things and take turns. Sometimes people with ADHD also have difficulties with getting to and staying asleep.

ADHD is a result of the brain being wired slightly differently to people who do not have ADHD. Although there is no cure for ADHD, the difficulties experienced, such as high energy levels, difficulties concentrating and reacting quickly, can be helped and managed in many ways including receiving extra support in school, learning techniques and strategies to help you cope and sometimes taking medication.

The most important thing to know is that having ADHD is not your fault and is not a bad thing. People who have ADHD are just as talented as those without ADHD. In fact it is reported that some of the world's most successful people have diagnoses of ADHD including; Justin Timberlake (singer), Jamie Oliver (chef), Will Smith (actor), Michael Phelps (Olympic swimmer), Emma Watson (actress) and Richard Branson (entrepreneur and owner of the Virgin brand) to name just a few!

There are lots of strategies and techniques that you, your parents, carers and teachers can use to help you cope and manage with the things you find difficult. So it is important to make sure that those involved in teaching or supporting you are aware that you have ADHD. You can find suggestions of techniques and strategies that might help on the website link below and using the free organisation and planning apps listed below.

As remembering, being organised and planning your day can be one of the hardest things to do and this often makes school difficult, it is a good idea to make notes or reminders and set alarms on your phone of important things that you need to remember. Try to be organised and plan ahead what you will need for each day. It may be helpful to let others help you with doing this. Having a familiar routine will also make it easier for you to remember what you have to do and what you might need with you.

If you have been given a diagnosis and have been prescribed medication to help you there is a really useful website called HeadMeds which can give you lots of information and advice.

What is ADHD - credit Meyer Center for Developmental Pediatrics

What is Wrong With Me? An ADHD Story- credit Jenna Boyd

Let Me Be Your Camera - Understanding ADHD - credit ADHDPerkins

What is ADHD - credit Meyer Center for Developmental Pediatrics

What is Wrong With Me? An ADHD Story- credit Jenna Boyd

Let Me Be Your Camera - Understanding ADHD - credit ADHDPerkins

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Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

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If you have a diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) this means that you can struggle with paying attention, have high levels of energy and react quickly to things. This can get in the way of everyday life such as school, hobbies and making friends, although how much it affects someone can vary from person to person.

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Center for Parent Information and Resources

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Center for Parent Information and Resources

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Disability Fact Sheet 19 (FS19)
Links updated, April 2017

En español | In Spanish
See fact sheets on other disabilities

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Mario's Story

Mario is 10 years old. When he was 7, his family learned he had AD/HD. At the time, he was driving everyone crazy. At school, he couldn't stay in his seat or keep quiet. At home, he didn't finish his homework or his chores. He did scary things, too, like climb out of his window onto the roof and run across the street without looking.

Things are much better now. Mario was tested by a trained professional to find out what he does well and what gives him trouble. His parents and teachers came up with ways to help him at school. Mario has trouble sitting still, so now he does some of his work standing up. He's also the student who tidies up the room and washes the chalkboard. His teachers break down his lessons into several parts. Then they have him do each part one at a time. This helps Mario keep his attention on his work.

At home, things have changed, too. Now his parents know why he's so active. They are careful to praise him when he does something well. They even have a reward program to encourage good behavior. He earns "good job points" that they post on a wall chart. After earning 10 points he gets to choose something fun he'd like to do. Having a child with AD/HD is still a challenge, but things are looking better.

What is AD/HD?

Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (AD/HD) is a condition that can make it hard for a person to sit still, control behavior, and pay attention. These difficulties usually begin before the person is 7 years old. However, these behaviors may not be noticed until the child is older.

Doctors do not know just what causes AD/HD. However, researchers who study the brain are coming closer to understanding what may cause AD/HD. They believe that some people with AD/HD do not have enough of certain chemicals (called neurotransmitters) in their brain. These chemicals help the brain control behavior.

Parents and teachers do not cause AD/HD. Still, there are many things that both parents and teachers can do to help a child with AD/HD.

How Common is AD/HD?

As many as 5 out of every 100 children in school may have AD/HD. Boys are three times more likely than girls to have AD/HD.

What Are the Signs of AD/HD?

There are three main signs, or symptoms, of AD/HD. These are:

problems with paying attention,

being very active (called hyperactivity), and

acting before thinking (called impulsivity).

More information about these symptoms is listed in a book called the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), which is published by the American Psychiatric Association (2000). Based on these symptoms, three types of AD/HD have been found:

inattentive type, where the person can't seem to get focuesd or stay focused on a task or activity;

hyperactive-impulsive type, where the person is very active and often acts without thinking; and

combined type, where the person is inattentive, impulsive, and too active

Inattentive type. Many children with AD/HD have problems paying attention. Children with the inattentive type of AD/HD often:

do not pay close attention to details;

can't stay focused on play or school work;

don't follow through on instructions or finish school work or chores

can't seem to organize tasks and activities;

get distracted easily; and

lose things such as toys, school work, and books. (APA, 2000, pp.85-86)

Hyperactive-impulsive type. Being too active is probably the most visible sign of AD/HD. The hyperactive child is "always on the go." (As he or she gets older, the level of activity may go down.) These children also act before thinking (called impulsivity). For example, they may run across the road without looking or climb to the top of very tall trees. They may be surprised to find themselves in a dangerous situation. They may have no idea of how to get out of the situation.

Hyperactivity and impulsivity tend to go together. Children with the hyperactive-impulsive type of AD/HD often may:

figet and squirm;

get out of their chairs when they're not supposed to;

run around or climb constantly;

have trouble playing quietly;

talk too much;

blurt out answers before questions have been completed;

have trouble waiting their turn;

interrupt others when they're talking; and

butt in on the games others are playing. (APA, 2000, p. 86)

Combined type. Children with the combined type of AD/HD have symptoms of both of the types described above. They have problems with paying attention, with hyperactivity, and with controlling their impulses.

Of course, from time to time, all children are inattentive, impulsive, and too active. With children who have AD/HD, these behaviors are the rule, not the exception.

These behaviors can cause a child to have real problems at home, at school, and with friends. As a result, many children with AD/HD will feel anxious, unsure of themselves, and depressed. These feelings are not symptoms of AD/HD. They come from having problems again and again at home and in school.

How Do You Know if a Child Has AD/HD?

When a child shows signs of AD/HD, he or she needs to be evaluated by a trained professional. This person may work for the school system or may be a professional in private practice. A complete evaluation is the only way to know for sure if the child has AD/HD. It is also important to:

rule out other reasons for the child's behavior, and

find out if the child has other disabilities along with AD/HD

What About Treatment?

There is no quick treatment for AD/HD. However, the symptoms of AD/HD can be managed. It's important that the child's family and teachers:

find out more about AD/HD;

learn how to help the child manage his or her behavior;

create an educational program that fits the child's individual needs;

and provide medication, if parents and the doctor feel that this would help the child.

What About School?

School can be hard for children with AD/HD. Success in school often means being able to pay attention and control behavior and impulse. These are the areas where children with AD/HD have trouble.

There are many ways the school can help students with AD/HD. Some students may be eligible to receive special education services under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). AD/HD is specifically mentioned under IDEA's disability category of "Other Health Impairment" (OHI). We've included the IDEA's definition of OHI below and provide information on OHI in a separate fact sheet.

Despite the fact that AD/HD is specifically mentioned in IDEA's definition of OHI, some students with AD/HD may not be found eligible for services under IDEA. The AD/HD must affect educational performance. (To learn more about the eligibility process under IDEA, read Evaluating Children for Disability, looking specifically for the section on determining eligibility and what to do if you don't agree with the determination.) If a student is found not eligible for services under IDEA, he or she may be eligible for services under a different law, Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973.

Regardless of the eligibility determination (yes or no), the school and the child's parents need to meet and talk about what special help the student needs. Most students with AD/HD are helped by supports or changes in the classroom (called adaptations). Some common changes that help students with AD/HD are listed under "Tips for Teachers" below. Much additional info is available from the organizations listed under "Additional Resources" at the end of this fact sheet.
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IDEA's Definition of "Other Health Impairment"
Many students with ADHD may qualify for special education services under the "Other Health Impairment" category within the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). IDEA defines "other health impairment" as...
...having limited strength, vitality, or alertness, including a heightened alertness to environmental stimuli, that results in limited alertness with respect to the educational environment, that-

(a) is due to chronic or acute health problems such as asthma, attention deficit disorder or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, diabetes, epilepsy, a heart condition, hemophilia, lead poisoning, leukemia, nephritis, rheumatic fever, sickle cell anemia, and Tourette syndrome; and

(b) adversely affects a child's educational performance. [34 Code of Federal Regulations §300.8(c)(10)]

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Tips for Parents

Learn about AD/HD. The more you know, the more you can help yourself and your child. The organizations listed under "Additional Information" (at the end of this fact sheet) can help you learn more about the disability.

Praise your child when he or she does well. Build your child's abilities. Talk about and encourage his or her strengths and talents.

Be clear, be consistent, be positive. Set clear rules for your child. Tell your child what he or she should do, not just what he shouldn't do. Be clear about what will happen if your child does not follow the rules. Have a reward program for good behavior. Praise your child when he or she shows the behaviors you like.

Learn about strategies for managing your child's behavior. These include valuable techniques such as: charting, having a reward program, ignoring behaviors, natural consequences, logical consequences, and time-out. Using these strategies will lead to more positive behaviors and cut down on problem behaviors. You can read about these techniques in many books. See "Resources" at the end of this publication.

Talk with your doctor about whether medication will help your child.

Pay attention to your child's mental health (and your own!). Be open to counseling. It can help you deal with the challenges of raising a child with AD/HD. It can help your child deal with frustration, feel better about himself or herself, and learn more about social skills.

Talk to other parents whose children have AD/HD. Parents can share practical advice and emotional support. Call your state's Parent Center to find out how to find parent groups near you.

Meet with the school and develop an educational plan to address your child's needs. Both you and your child's teachers should get a written copy of this plan.

Keep in touch with your child's teacher. Tell the teacher how your child is doing at home. Ask how your child is doing in school. Offer support.

Tips for Teachers

Learn more about AD/HD. The resources and organizations listed under "Additional Information" (at the end of this fact sheet) can help you identify specific techniques and strategies to support the student educationally. We've listed some strategies below.

Figure out what specific things are hard for the student. For example, one student with AD/HD may have trouble starting a task, while another may have trouble ending one task and starting the next. Each student needs different help.

Post rules, schedules, and assignments. Clear rules and routines will help a student with AD/HD. Have set times for specific tasks. Call attention to changes in the schedule.

Show the student how to use an assignment book and a daily schedule. Also teach study skills and learning strategies, and reinforce these regularly.

Help the student channel his or her physical activity (e.g., let the student do some work standing up or at the board). Provide regularly scheduled breaks.

Make sure directions are given step by step, and that the student is following the directions. Give directions both verbally and in writing. Many students with AD/HD also benefit from doing the steps as separate tasks.

Let the student do work on a computer.

Work together with the student's parents to create and implement an educational plan tailored to meet the student's needs. Regularly share information about how the student is doing at home and at school.

Have high expectations for the student, but be willing to try new ways of doing things. Be patient. Maximize the student's chances for success.

Additional Resources

CHADD | Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder
Find loads of info on ADD and AD/HD. Find a local chapter of CHADD.
301.306.7070 | Info available in English and in Spanish.
http://www.chadd.org

National Resource Center on AD/HD
A service of CHADD.
1.800.233.4050 | Info available in English and in Spanish.
http://www.chadd.org/NRC.aspx

Attention Deficit Disorder Association
1.800.939.1019 | info@add.org
https://add.org/
For Parents
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.
From the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), this extensive resource pages defines AD/HD; describes its signs, symptoms, and risk factors; discusses treatment and therapies; and connects you with multimedia and federal resources.
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/index.shtml

HealthyChildren.org on ADHD.
Scads of materials on ADHD in English and Spanish from this service of the American Academy of Pediatrics, including the article Understanding ADHD: Information for Parents.
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/adhd/Pages/default.aspx

Information from the CDC.
https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/facts.html

If your child is having trouble at school, where do you start?
The resources listed on this page from CHADD will provide parents with a good background in the services and/or accommodations that may be available to their child. Every public school should also provide parents with information about local procedures and policies governing ADHD and support available through the school.
http://www.chadd.org/advocacy/education.aspx
For Schools
Teachers Guide to ADHD in the Classroom.
This guide focuses on what educators need to know about teaching kids with ADHD: how it affects children in the classroom - girls as well as boys - and how teachers can help kids with the disorder succeed in school.
https://childmind.org/guide/a-teachers-guide-to-adhd-in-the-classroom/

Teaching Children with ADHD: Instructional Strategies and Practices.
From the U.S. Department of Education.
https://www2.ed.gov/rschstat/research/pubs/adhd/adhd-teaching_pg2.html

Teaching Students with ADHD: A Help Guide.
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/add-adhd/teaching-students-with-adhd-attention-deficit-disorder.htm

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Disability Fact Sheet 19 (FS19) Links updated, April 2017 En español | In Spanish See fact sheets on other disabilities __________________________________________________________ Mario is 10 years old. When he was 7, his family learned he had AD/HD. At the time, he was driving everyone crazy. At school, he couldn't stay in his seat or keep quiet.

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Provides evidenced based skills building programmes for parents and carers who have children aged 3-17 who:
1. Have a diagnosed Autistic Spectrum Condition (ASC)
2. Have a diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
3. Have Autism or ADHD traits
4. Are experiencing mild-moderate conduct disorder
5. Have behaviour that challenges
6. Are teenagers displaying anti-social behaviour including child to parent violence

We offer the following programmes with wrap-around support:
Cygnet (for ASC) Core programme, with additional supporting siblings and puberty, sexual wellbeing and relationships modules
The Parent Factor for ADHD
Family Links The Nurture Programme
Talking Teens
Right from the Start (suitable for 3-5 year olds)

Parents and carers can self enrol on to a skills building programme or can be referred by a health, education or early help professional.

We deliver our programmes through face to face or e-learning and online discussion groups.

We can help with

Parenting programmes

Training programmes and workshops, family learning activities, community based development support and family mediation services.

Search for Parenting programmes services

Mental health

Services supporting children and young people's emotional health and wellbeing. We have centres where children and young people can visit and have a trained worker they can trust and talk to. We help them build their confidence and get to the root of their difficulties.

Find out more about Mental health

Search for Mental health services

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Hampshire and IOW Support for Neurodiverse Families

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Provides evidenced based skills building programmes for parents and carers who have children aged 3-17 who: 1. Have a diagnosed Autistic Spectrum Condition

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ADHD and you - practical tips for helping at home

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ADHD and you - practical tips for helping at home

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ADHD symptom tests, ADD medication & treatment, behavior & discipline, school & learning essentials, organization and more information for families and individuals living with attention...

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Did you know?

If a GP needs to refer you for a physical or mental health condition, in most cases you have the legal right to choose the hospital or service you'd like to go to.

This will include many private hospitals if they provide services to the NHS and it does not cost the NHS any more than a referral to a standard NHS hospital.

You can also choose a clinical team led by a consultant or named healthcare professional, as long as that team provides the treatment you require. Find out more about choosing a hospital or consultant and choosing a mental health service.

You can book your appointment via the NHS e-Referral service. It can be done while you're at the GP surgery, or online, using the shortlist of hospitals or services provided in your appointment request letter. The shortlist is selected by your GP, so make sure you tell them about your preferences during the appointment.

To agree on the shortlist, you and your GP can compare information about hospitals or consultants on this website, including quality outcomes, waiting times, parking and travel. Use the services near you link to make an informed decision before booking.

You have the legal right to ask for your appointment to be moved to a different provider if you're likely to wait longer than the maximum waiting time specified for your treatment.

The hospital or integrated care board (ICB) will have to investigate and offer you a range of suitable alternative hospitals or clinics that would be able to see you sooner. Read the guide to waiting times for more information.

Find out more about:

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Find out about your right to choose where you have your NHS treatment.

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An introduction to Autism (55 minute video)

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An introduction to Autism (55 minute video)

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Hampshire and IOW Healthcare NHS Foundation Trust

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Autism Central for Parents and Carers | Autism Central

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Autism Central offers a wealth of resources for parents, carers and personal assistants of autistic people in England – from articles and learning materials to signposting you to services and support in your local area.

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Do you think your child is autistic or have they been recently diagnosed?If the answer is yes, you will have many questions about what to do next. Ambitious about Autism’s Right from the Start parent toolkit is here to help.

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Donate

Please give today and help Autism Hampshire to be there for autistic people, and their loved ones, when they most need us.

Care

Working for Autism Hampshire can be both rewarding and challenging. Do you have what it takes? If think that you do, it would be great to hear from you.

Contact

Our friendly staff are ready to help you. Get in touch and we will do our best to answer your questions and help you find the information that you need.

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Please give today and help Autism Hampshire to be there for autistic people, and their loved ones, when they most need us. Working for Autism Hampshire can be both rewarding and challenging. Do you have what it takes? If think that you do, it would be great to hear from you.

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https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/pants-underwear-rule/

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Celebrating 10 years of Talk PANTS!

Pantosaurus has helped 1.5 million parents Talk PANTS and keep their children safe from sexual abuse.

Developed in consultation with children, parents, carers and teachers, Talk PANTS is here to help children understand their body belongs to them, and they should tell a safe adult they trust if anything makes them feel upset or worried.

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Our PANTS activity pack makes it easy to talk to your child about staying safe from harm. With a word search, dot-to-dot and maze game, you can help them learn without using any scary words.

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https://www.childline.org.uk/

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On Thursday 30 November from 2:30am - 7:30am, you won't be able to contact Childline whilst we do some important maintenance to our systems. This means that 1-2-1 chats, calling and messages to Childline will be unavailable. You'll still be able to use the Childline website for advice and information.

If you're in danger or it's an emergency, you should always call 999

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Get help and advice about a wide range of issues, call us on 0800 1111, talk to a counsellor online, send Childline an email or post on the message boards.

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https://www.safe4me.co.uk/support-services/

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Support services provided by Hampshire County Council, including those in partnership

Hampshire County Council provide a range of support services and information directories for children and young people, families and professionals, click the relevant link to access full information from the HCC website.

Community Safety Partnerships (CSPs): Links to CSP localities, partner agencies and hate crime reporting.

Family Information and Services Hub: information and details on how to access services, organisations and activities in Hampshire, plus advice and support available on a range of needs.

Parent and Family Support: Directory of support, advice and services for parents, carers and other family members

SEND Local Offer: Local support, events and services for children and young people aged 0-25 with special educational needs and/or a disability (SEND), including for parents/carers and professionals

Support for Young People: Services and information to support young people with education, training, caring for others, relationships and health.

Youth Directory: Part of the family information and services hub, this directory provides access to a full list of all services across the county for children and young people, including those in care.

Organisations and specialist services providing support to children, young people, families and professionals in Hampshire

Charity dedicated to ending violence against women and children by offering safety, support, advocacy, and empowerment to survivors of domestic abuse, sexual violence and stalking. Through a variety of tailored services, in a non-judgmental environment, it ensures all victims and survivors of abuse and violence have access to specialist support. Services include Domestic Violence and Abuse, Sexual Violence, Stalker, Female Offenders, Armed Forces and IRIS, a DVA prevention scheme aimed at professionals. Click here for more details of each service.

Click here for full contact details for all individual services

Barnardos

Deliver local services to children and young people in Portsmouth, Isle of Wight, Hampshire and Southampton. Its specialist 4-U services* (u-turn, miss-u, with-u, for-u) provide quality, independent and confidential services to children and young people. for the 4-U services information leaflet.

U-Turn: Information and support to children and young people up to age 18 who is at risk of, or experiencing, Child Exploitation of any form. Available in all 4 LSCB areas. Online Referral (professionals): www.barnardos.org.uk/what-we-do/services/barnardos-4u-services-u-turn-child-exploitation

*Miss-U, With-U and For-U services currently only available in Portsmouth and IOW

Hampshire Specialist Parenting Support Service: Programmes for parents/carers of children aged 5-17 with Autistic Spectrum Condition (ASC), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), conduct disorder, challenging behaviour or displaying anti-social behaviour including child to parent violence. Parents/carers can self-enroll or be referred by a health, education or early help professional.

Breakout Youth (LGBTQ+)

Hampshire and Isle of Wight local LGBTQ+ Support Charity offering a confidential support service for young people aged 11 to 21, who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning or unsure of their sexuality or gender identity. The service is based in Southampton, Romsey, Basingstoke, Andover, New Forest and the Isle of Wight.

Catch-22 (Substance Misuse Support)

Hampshire 24/7 specialist treatment service provides targeted family support for children and young people U25 effected by substance misuse. Free and confidential support is tailored to include 1-2-1 and group work (including in education settings), a 24-hour help line, pharmacological support and needle exchange. Young people can self-refer or via a professional, family member or friend.

Hampshire Youth Access Counselling & Support Services (HYA)

Partnership of 11 leading agencies providing counselling, information, advice and support to children and young people aged 5 to 17 across Hampshire, and support to anyone concerned about a child or young person's emotional well-being. HYA also provides a free resource library with downloadable packs and information for parents, young people and professionals.

The 11 organisations forming the HYA partnership provide the services listed below, click the relevant locality link for more details.

HYA Referral Form for Professionals, Parents and Young People can be completed to refer 5-17 year olds to the service.

Hate Crime: Third Party Reporting Centres (TPRCs)

Provides a 24/7 alternative option to reporting hate crime other than to police. More information and location of reporting centres can be found on the Hampshire and Isle of Wight Police and Crime Commissioner's website: www.hampshire-pcc.gov.uk/get-involved/taking-action/hatecrime/third-party-reporting-centres

Hampshire Domestic Abuse Service

Provided by Stop Domestic Abuse (formerly SDAS)andThe Hampton Trust to help, and offer access to support services, for victims and survivors of abuse, children living with domestic abuse, perpetrators and professionals seeking advice.

Inclusion Recovery Hampshire

Supporting those affected by drugs and alcohol in Hampshire and IOW (exc. Southampton & Portsmouth) to provide the best care possible for all age groups who are using drugs/and or alcohol, or affected by problems associated to them. Services are delivered at 9 main hubs located in Aldershot, Andover, Basingstoke, Eastleigh, Fareham, Gosport, Havant, New Forest and Winchester.

Let's Talk About It (Sexual Health Service)

Solent NHS Trust Sexual Health service provides Contraceptive & Sexual Health (C&SH) and Genito-Urinary Medicine (GUM) services across Hampshire, providing confidential and non-judgemental specialist support for:

anyone at risk of Sexual Exploitation (ROSE clinic)

anyone with a Learning Disability (SHIELD clinic)

anyone involved in commercial sex work (TULIP clinic)

for men who have sex with men (Clinic Xtra)

Online service includes ordering free testing kits, local clinic locator, online booking and referral information for professionals.

MIND (Helpline)

Havant & East Hants MIND provide a freephone mental health crisis helpline for children and young people across Hampshire and the Isle of Wight, giving immediate access to safe and confidential support for 11-17 year olds experiencing difficulty with their mental health. Support includes listening to needs/concerns, supporting specific issues such as anxiety, self-harm and low mood also offering advice on mindfulness techniques and emotional coping skills

HEH Mind Main Office (Havant)

Motiv8

Creating safer communities for young people and their families by providing safe spaces to develop skills, tools and resilience to overcome challenges - aiming to give young people better life chances, reduce offending, anti-social behaviour and disengagement with learning. Services available in Portsmouth, Havant, Gosport and Fareham areas.

Havant Office: 023 9247 0484

Gosport & Fareham Office: 023 9252 5026

Web: motiv8.org.uk/

Bicycle Recycling: social enterprise initiative providing, jobs, training to improve life chance for young people. Centres in Gosport and Portsmouth

No limits

No Limits offers free and confidential information, advice, counselling, support and advocacy for children and young people under the age of 26 who live in Southampton and Hampshire. Services available include support for drug and alcohol issues; homelessness; sex & relationships; education, work and training; money and debt, and also includes advice for parents.

Relate Children & Young People's Counselling

Confidential support for children and young people aged 8-18 to talk to trained counsellors about relationship problems at home, at school, with peers or about anything else troubling them. Relate also offer family counselling for parents to help their child cope with changes or a difficult situation.

Counselling also available by phone or webcam, more information about these services is available on the Talk to Someone webpage, or contact the local Relate office from the list below for more details about specific services offered.

Simon Says

Specialist support service for children and young people U18 in Hampshire who have a significant person in their life who has died or is dying. The charity also provides support to schools and colleges in Hampshire, Portsmouth and Southampton.

Solent Mind

Provide a range of projects and services across Hampshire and the Isle of Wight which aim to prevent mental health issues through developing skills and knowledge, and to offer direct support to children, young people and families affected by a mental health problem. Main contact details for Solent Mind, and details of youth service projects local to Hampshire are listed below.

Advocacy Service changes to VoiceAbility: From 1 April 2020 the Hampshire and Southampton advocacy service transferred to VoiceAbility, contact details below:

Heads Up: Mental health project run in local schools, colleges and universities in Southampton and New Forest, informing and educating young people through assemblies and workshops to equip them with coping strategies to manage their own well-being. Also provide support for parents and staff. Click the relevant link to access the information leaflet: young people or education professionals.

Upturn: Mental health project based in Fareham and Gosport, working with young people age 8+ and their families to provide support and education, through classroom-based workshops, small groups or one to one sessions. Young people can self-refer, refer through school or CAMHS. Click here for the Upturn info leaflet.

Youth Affinity: a partnership with the Prince's Trust and No Limits to support young people aged 16-25 in Hampshire to achieve good well-being and overcome barriers that might affect mental health. Contact the team for more information about locations and referrals.

Wellbeing & Talking Therapies for Young People: Well-being centres across Hampshire organise groups and activities for young people. For up to date information, contact local well-being centres directly from the details on the webpage:

Web: www.solentmind.org.uk/our-services/wellbeing-services/

Solent Mind supports italk: A free talking therapy service for those aged 16+ offering face to face, over the phone or online support in Hampshire, through GP or self-referral. More information available at www.italk.org.uk.

Stop Domestic Abuse (formerly SDAS)

Local provider of specialist services for all those affected by domestic abuse, including families, perpetrators, police, schools and local organisations. An online support page for professionals provides referral information, links to forms and downloadable resources/posters.

Up2U is a free service for anyone over 16 who recognises that they use abusive behaviours in their relationships and want to change. for the Up2U info leaflet. Further details about this service can be found on the professionals page.

Head office (Havant)

Hampshire Service: Referrals (exc. Portsmouth & Southampton)

The Hampton Trust

Deliver domestic violence prevention programmes to perpetrators and those affected by domestic violence, including a range of services for young people aged 7 - 24.

Young Adults Relationships Programme: specialist domestic abuse service for 16-24 year olds living in Hampshire or Southampton, helping them avoid using abusive behaviours. Self-referral or client referral options.

Linx: support for young people struggling with things in life which impact on their feelings and behaviour relating to Adverse Childhood Experiences, helping them achieve goals and make positive changes.

Turnaround: group programme addressing issues faced by children aged 7-11 who have experienced distress caused by domestic abuse in their home.

THT also provide services for adults, referral pathways and professionals training, contact them for more information about programmes, referral criteria and service locations.

Treetops Sexual Assault Referral Centre (SARC)

Provides non-judgmental medical care, practical help, emotional and psychological support to anyone who has been raped or sexually assaulted, recent or historical. Service can be accessed with or without reporting to police. Treetops also provides information for family and friends of victims, and specialist support for parents/carers of U18s who have been raped or sexually assaulted.

Other sexual assault/abuse services across Hampshire

Basingstoke Rape and Sexual Abuse Crisis Centre (BRASACC)

Provides free confidential support and counselling for anyone who has been raped, sexually abused or sexually assaulted at any time in their lives, including ISVA support for anyone age 16+. BRASACC also provides support to parents, partners, families, friends, and workers from other agencies.
Rape and Sexual Abuse Centre Winchester (RASAC)
Provides a free, confidential listening and support service (not medical) for all genders and ages who have been raped and/or sexually abused at any time in their lives and who are suffering sexual trauma as a consequence of their unwanted experiences.

Now provides help service for under-18s in Winchester, Test Valley and North Hampshire.

Call: 01962 807037 (office 09:30-3:30pm Mon-Fri)

Call: 01962 868 688 or 01962 864 433 (Advice & Support Line)

Text (SMS): 07860 027793

Email & Referrals: rasac.org.uk/contact/

Web: www.rasac.org.uk

Main office is in Winchester, additional counselling services available at The Bridge, Andover.

Victim Care Service

Provides free, confidential support for victims of crime aged 4+ who live anywhere in Hampshire and the Isle of Wight. VCS aim to help people cope and recover from the effects of crime, even if not reported to the police. Funded by the Police and Crime Commissioner for Hampshire and the Isle of Wight, VCS is delivered by Victim Support.

Yellow Door

Provide a wide range of free specialist therapeutic, outreach, supportive and preventative services around the issues of sexual abuse and violence for adults and young people across Southampton and West Hampshire. More information about specific services and eligibility areas can be accessed via the following web links:
Main Office Domestic Abuse Team (DAT)
Diversity & Inclusion Advocacy (DIA)

Independent Sexual Violence Advisors (ISVA service)
STAR Project Therapies & Family Services
YMCA

Deliver a range of services for children and families at venues across Hampshire and Isle of Wight which include youth clubs and groups, nursery/pre-school care, parent groups, holiday clubs, residential camps, training, venue hire and housing.

Hampshire Youth Services: Weekly youth clubs and groups for 8-14 year olds currently run in Andover, includes sessions for those with additional needs, offering a range of indoor and outdoor activities. Contact the YMCA centre for more information.

YMCA Housing Basingstoke: Provides safe, secure and comfortable supported housing for young people age 18-30 in Basingstoke. For more information and application pathways contact the local YMCA Housing Team.

For a full details of all Hampshire YMCA services, click the relevant locality area link:

Y Services

Supporting communities and organisations to develop high quality youth work projects which meet the needs of young people in the local area. Services include outreach and youth work sessions for young people age 11-19, voluntary opportunities for young people, and dedicated support for LGBT+. Services available across Havant, Hayling Island, Fareham, Gosport, Winchester and Portsmouth.

Specialist support in Hampshire for stalking, domestic abuse and sexual violence, delivering holistic services that reduce harm and increase safety for all victims and survivors of domestic abuse - women, men and children.

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Hampshire County Council provide a range of support services and information directories for children and young people, families and professionals, click the relevant link to access full information from the HCC website. Community Safety Partnerships (CSPs): Links to CSP localities, partner agencies and hate crime reporting.

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https://stopdomesticabuse.uk/

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We help all those affected by domestic abuse by providing innovative and unique services. We work to ensure that victims are supported to recover and perpetrators are supported to change their behaviour.

Do you need support and advice or safe and secure accommodation?

We offer a confidential support service, simply call or email today:

If you are in an emergency situation

If it is unsafe for you to speak on the phone, after dialling 999 just press 55 for the silent solution.

You can also text 999.

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Helping Children to Understand Domestic Abuse

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Helping Children to Understand Domestic Abuse

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Talk to Frank - honest information about drugs

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Talk to Frank - honest information about drugs

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https://www.talktofrank.com/

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Find out everything you need to know about drugs, their effects and the law. Talk to Frank for facts, support and advice on drugs and alcohol today. | FRANK

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https://mensadviceline.org.uk/

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This factsheet explains what a non-molestation order is, how it can protect victims of domestic abuse, and how to apply for one.

Men's Advice Line evaluation survey

Have you spoken to our Advisors? Tell us about your experience

Take our survey

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Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men | Men's Advice Line UK

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The Men's Advice Line is for male victims of domestic abuse. We offer confidential advice, non-judgmental support, practical information and help

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Barnardos: Children with a parent in prison

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Barnardos: Children with a parent in prison

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Children who have a parent in prison can feel isolated and ashamed and most feel unable to talk about it because they’re scared of being bullied. Read more.

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https://www.prisonadvice.org.uk/pages/faqs/category/tell-my-child

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You and your child may experience a real sense of loss, missing the company of the loved one who is in prison.

The typical "stages of grief" model may help you understand how your child reacts:

Your child may show signs of disbelief and laughter, and askif the person telling them the news is joking. In response, they may switch to auto-pilot and try to carry on as normal; or they may have an extreme reaction, sobbing uncontrollably.
Supporting your child through shock:
Do not appear alarmed at the child's response - especially if it seems inappropriate (eg laughter). It is important to reassure your child that feelings of numbness/disbelief are normal. When you are explaining the situation to the child, it is important to keep your language clear and simple so that there is no misunderstanding. Importantly, reassure the child that you are there for them and will listen to and answer their questions

Your child may not accept the loss and pretend that nothing has happened, refusing to believe that their family member is gone. This may result in them lying about the situation, to others and to themselves
Supporting your child through denial:
Give your child time to process and accept the truth - denial is a protective mechanism and the child will move passed this with time. It is also important to talk openly with the child - reassure them that they can talk to you about what has happened and that they won't get in trouble for asking questions about imprisonment

Your child may be mad at the world and blame others. They may get easily frustrated and over-reactive, blowing up over the smallest event. They may also use anger to cover up their hurt/sadness, and lash out at those not involved in the situation
Supporting your child through anger:
If they are hurting themselves/others, explain that whilst it is OK to feel angry, it is not OK to hurt themselves/others. You could encourage your child to have an outlet for their anger in a safe way - eg exercise (running) or hitting a pillow. It is important to reassure the child that they should not feel guilty about being angry at their imprisoned family member - this is a natural response and does not mean that they do not love their family member. It is also key that you remain constant and do not get upset if they get angry towards you: this will reinforce the fact that you are there to support them no matter what.

Your child may try and "make deals" to change the situation - e.g "if Dad comes back I will be good forever" or "if I make the house clean and tidy, Mum will come back"
Supporting your child through bargaining:
Explain that there is nothing they can do that will bring their loved one back - the family member is not in prison because of them and therefore they can't do anything to get them out of prison. Be aware that even in spite of your reassurances, your child may continue to bargain as it makes them feel that they are doing something helpful for their loved one.

Guilt can be seen as anger turned inwards - your child may blame themselves for their family member's imprisonment.

Your child may also feel guilt for any enjoyment they feel, either because they think they shouldn't be happy whilst their loved one is away, or because they feel they shouldn't be happy if their loved one isn't happy - eg feeling guilty for enjoying an ice-cream when Dad can't enjoy an ice cream in prison
Supporting the child through guilt:
Reassurance is key for feelings of guilt - it is important to tell them that they are not to blame. It may also be helpful to explore with your child how and why they feel responsible, and then respond to their reasons by explaining how and why they are not responsible. It is also helpful to encourage your child to talk about how they are feeling/what they are thinking

You may see signs of depression in your child - they may not want to be with their friends, they may withdraw and refuse to go to school, they may continuously cry, and there may be significant changes in their appetite and sleep patterns.
Supporting the child through depression:
Ensure that your child knows that their feelings are important - especially as they may have low self-esteem and feelings of worth. It is also helpful if you can encourage your child to participate in their usual hobbies, sports and existing friendships. It is important to note that there is a difference between showing signs of depression and suffering with depression, and if you become concerned about the child's mental health, you should talk to a GP.

This is where the child acknowledges and believes that the loss is real, and they show signs of being willing to move on - e.g "My brother isn't here anymore" and "I am going to be OK".
Supporting the child through acknowledgment:
Help your child to understand that it is OK to become interested in life again and that this is not disrespectful to their imprisoned family member. You can also reassure the child that although things have changed, this does not mean that they won't have a happy life or an exciting future ahead of them.

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We often hear from parents and carers who are struggling with what to tell their children when a loved one goes to prison. Often they are torn between wanting to hide the truth from the children to “protect” them, and the desire to be open and honest with their children. Here you can fin…

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https://www.nationalbullyinghelpline.co.uk/

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What is Bullying and Harassment?

Bullying and Harassment can be defined in many different ways and can be described as unwanted conduct of behaviour designed to cause harm or distress to another person. It can be characterized as offensive, intimidating, malicious or insulting behaviour, an abuse or misuse of power through means intended to undermine, humiliate, denigrate or injure the recipient. Bullying can be related to age, sex, race, disability, religion, sexual orientation, nationality or any personal characteristic of the individual, and maybe persistent or an isolated incident. The key is that the actions or comments are viewed as demeaning and unacceptable to the recipient.

Bullying falls under four main categories, psychological, Verbal, Physical and Cyberbullying and its effects can have far-reaching consequences. Bullying can have an impact on anyone, children and adults in school or at work. It can seriously affect someone's physical and mental health. Sustained bullying can cause stress, emotional issues, social problems, physical disorders and in some serious cases, self-harm or even death.

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Information and advice about all forms of bullying

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Bullying - Help and advice for adults and children affected by bullying at work, bullying at school or cyberbullying with information to help stop bullying

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https://karmanirvana.org.uk/

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Our goal is to end Honour Based Abuse in the UK. We run a national helpline, offer training to professionals, gather data to inform policies and services, and campaign for change.

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Community Paediatric Continence Service :: Hampshire and Isle of Wight NHS Foundation Trust

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The Children’s Continence Service sees children from the age of 2-16 with soiling, constipation, day wetting and night wetting. They also support children with additional needs with toileting support.

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ERIC - The Children's Bowel & Bladder Charity

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ERIC - The Children's Bowel & Bladder Charity

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With your help, we can keep offering free support to those who need us.

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Southern Health NHS Foundation Trust and Barnardos are working together to deliver the Healthy Child Programme throughout Hampshire. This website provides details for access to health visiting and school nursing services, workshops for healthy eating and support with post-natal depression.

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https://www.bbuk.org.uk/children-young-people/

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Advice on Bladder and Bowel Problems in Children and Young People

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Children and young people Bladder and bowel health Issues affecting the bladder and bowel are very common in children and young people. Here you can find specialist advice to help. varied issues The problems can include difficulties with toilet training, wetting and/or soiling.

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https://www.camhsnorthderbyshire.nhs.uk/learning-disabilities-toileting-and-asd

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learning disabilities

Toileting and Children with Autistic Spectrum Disorders (ASD)

Many children with ASD experience problems with toileting. This can include a delay in toilet-training, a reluctance or refusal to use the toilet, or a reluctance to pass urine or faeces at all. There are many ideas about why this might be, although there is little research evidence to back them up. Here are some possible reasons for toilet-training issues:

LACK OF UNDERSTANDING
Children may not understand that urine or faeces are 'waste' material, and may believe that they are losing part of their body. It is hard for many children with learning disabilities to understand that food becomes poo!

GASTRO-INTESTINAL ISSUES
Research on gastro-intestinal issues in ASD is varied, but some studies suggest that children with ASD are more likely to have chronic gastro-intestinal problems. Problems such as constipation can make going to the toilet painful, so the child avoids this, which then makes the constipation worse - the child is stuck in a negative cycle.

NEED FOR CONTROL/ROUTINE
Children with ASD need the world to be predictable, and bowel movements can feel scarily out of their control.

COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS
The child may not be able to let you know when they need to go to toilet, or understand your prompts/attempts to teach them. This can lead to frustration for everybody involved.

MOTOR PROBLEMS
Children who experience some form of delay in the development of their motor skills may not have full control over their bowels and/or bladder. Some children with learning disabilities may never achieve full bowel and bladder control.

LACK OF SOCIAL MOTIVATION

Children with ASD may not understand that toilet training is a healthy and beneficial part of growing up and that wearing a nappy can be socially unacceptable when they are older.

SENSORY ISSUES
Many children with ASD experience significant sensory sensitivities & struggle to manage the sensory input that they receive. This may include a dislike of the noise made by toilets, the sensation of passing urine/faeces, a cold toilet seat, or a preoccupation with water in the toilet.

Ensure the child is ready for toilet training. Some signs of bladder/bowel control are:

Urinating large amounts at once.

Having regular, well-formed bowel movements at predictable times.

Having "dry" periods of around two hours.

Able to follow simple instructions like "go and get the cup".

Indicating that they dislike the feeling of a wet/dirty nappy or pad.

Once you are sure that the child is ready for toilet training, you can help in several ways:

Record when and where the child passes faeces or urine before you begin. Pay attention to the time of day they go, the reaction of the child (did they let you know by crying or going to a particular place?), and how you responded.

Ensure any constipation is treated. If left un-treated, passing faeces can be painful and might cause the child to withhold going.

As a family, it is important to pick the right time. You need to allow toilet training to take priority, for a consistentapproach to be implemented and effortlevels to be maintained.

Accept that it is likely to be stressful for a time.

Ensure their diet includes plenty of fibre, unless you are told otherwise by your child's doctor or dietician.

1. ENFORCING BOWEL CONTROL IS NOT HELPFUL

Although it's important to have clear boundaries and routines to support children with ASD to understand what is expected of them, it's essential to understand that enforcing bowel control could exacerbate existing problems. The child must be ready.

Never use punishment when toilet-training. Making toileting a scary or unpleasant experience for children will not help them to learn, and may make them refuse to go at all (i.e. encourage withholding).

Do not react negatively to 'accidents'. It can be very frustrating for parents, but showing your stress or annoyance can inadvertently teach children that you do not want them to pass urine or faeces (children with ASD can be quite unusual learners). They may not understand that you are angry about when or where they have done it, rather than what they have done.

2. USE REWARDS

Children with ASD are often not intrinsically socially motivated (e.g. by what other people do), so you may need to motivate them in other ways. You may need to continue to reward the child for some tine after successful toilet training, until the behaviour has become part of their routine/habit.

3. MAKE IT FUN

Make the bathroom a relaxing place to spend time in. Be aware of things that would attract the child (e.g. a coloured toilet seat, stickers of their favourite cartoon characters, a soft bath-mat). Equally, be aware of things that would frighten/put-off the child (e.g. the feeling of a particular toilet seat, bright lights).

Don't tell your child to 'push' because this can lead to tensing and less likelihood of a successful bowel movement. Instead, encourage them to relax. You may find that your child is more relaxed after a warm bath.

Blowing bubbles can both entertain your child and encourage bowel movements by recreating a slight pushing motion.

You may decide to encourage the child to spend time in the bathroom playing with toys or water in the sink. However, be wary that, whilst this makes it easier to put/encourage the child onto the toilet by reducing anxiety, it can also confuse children as to the purpose of the bathroom/toilet.

4. PROVIDE THE NECESSARY TEACHING MATERIALS

Social stories can be a good way to help children with ASD to understand what is expected of them. You can create stories (with pictures) to show the whole bathroom/toilet routine (e.g. feel I need to wee, go to the bathroom, take trousers down, sit on toilet etc).

You can create stories to explain that going to the toilet is okay, and that poo and wee are meant to go into the toilet. For more able or older children, you may be able to explain that it is important to get rid of waste from the body.

You can use the child's interests to create examples, such as Spongebob/other character wanting to go to the toilet, and how he/she did it.

You may need to show your child what to do! This can seem embarrassing, but the child will probably be unaware that there is anything to feel embarrassed about, and may learn more from you 'modelling' behaviour than from a book. Alternatively, you could 'model' toileting behaviour using toys or puppets.

5. SCHEDULED SITTING

This is one technique suggested for use with children with ASD where toileting has become very stuck. It should be used in conjunction with the other advice in this section.

Identify times when your child is most likely to have a bowel movement (use a diary to monitor bowel movements as suggested overleaf). Note that 5-20 minutes after meals is a likely time (due to the gastro-colic reflex). Just prior to these times, encourage your child to sit on the toilet for 5 minutes (or a brief time initially). Give them something to occupy them (e.g. a book, handheld computer game, something else they really enjoy).

After 5 minutes, allow the child to leave the toilet; although, if they are happy to stay in the bathroom, this is preferable. After a 10-15 minute break, return them to the toilet for another 5 minutes. Repeat this process for as long as you feel the child will tolerate it without anxiety/tantrums, until the child has had a bowel movement.

Combine this strategy with social stories and rewards for any successful use of the toilet. Try to keep calm and avoid any confrontations. Consider waiting until the school holidays, when you can be more consistent with the approach.

ERIC provide expert support, information and understanding to children and enable parents, carers and professionals to help them establish good bowel and bladder health.
Website

TheNational Autistic Society provides information and support for people with Autism and their families and for professionals. They are a very active organisation and offer some really useful information about strategies and approaches for supporting people with Autism.
Website | Specific page on Toilet Training

The British Institute of Learning Disabilities also have some useful information and further advice about a variety of common issues.
Website

Local Offer is a Derbyshire-specific site which allows you to search for lots of different services, including parenting support groups, in the local area.
Website

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Many children with Autistic Spectrum Disorders experience problems with toileting. This can include a delay in toilet-training or reluctance/refusal to use the toilet at all.

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Parent's Guide to Toilet Training Children with Autism

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Parent's Guide to Toilet Training Children with Autism

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Helping Children with Friendship Problems

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Helping Children with Friendship Problems

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Helping children with friendship problems is all about listening and empowering and very little about giving advice. There are some clear Do's and Don'ts. But before we get to those, let's start with thinking about why your child might be talking to you about their friendship problems in the first place.

At work, when colleagues come to talk to us, they are usually looking for a definite answer, or a solution to a problem... When children interact with us, however, the purpose of that communication is a little different. Children are not looking to us for an answer, they are trying to understand the question... By connecting with us, they are looking to understand the situation they are in and the emotion they are feeling (and to know it's OK to feel that way). They don't need to be given an answer, they need to be helped to understand the situation and their feelings about it well enough that they can find their own answer.
The Work/Parent Switch, Anita Cleare

Always start from the understanding that your child is the expert in their own friendship scenario. What they need from you is a safe space to work through their thoughts and feelings so they can move forward, not a list of recommended action points or advice.

If your daughter is telling you about a friendship problem, it is firstly because she wants to speak - so that she can work through her thoughts and hurts - not because she wants to listen to your wisdom. What your child needs from you is to feel heard, accepted and understood so she can find her feet.

Here are my golden tips for parents helping children with friendship problems:

DO listen. Stop what you are doing and pay attention. Don't fire off an answer with half your brain on something else.

DON'T dismiss her concerns. You may think that her big feelings are out of proportion to the trigger but this is her world. Her emotions are real. If you dismiss her concerns or feelings, she will learn not to bring these to you.

DO use empathetic listening. Name the emotion (" I can see that really upset you."). If you can't put your finger on the right emotion, explore a bit more: " That sounds like a really hard situation to be in. How did it make you feel? "

DO stay calm and emotionally regulated yourself. Adding your big emotions into the mix is not going to help in any way.

DON'T contradict or jump in with your assessment of the situation (" I am sure Maxine didn't mean to be unkind."). That's just dismissing your child's experience and feelings - which is the opposite of helping them feel heard, accepted and understood. If your child already feels left out, misunderstood or ganged up on then you joining in is not helpful. If you want to gently challenge an assumption, use a question: " That sounds like a really unkind thing to do. I wonder why Maxine did that? "

DON'T judge or evaluate her feelings or reaction. Anything that can be reworded as " You should / shouldn't" is likely to be a judgement. Judgements are criticisms in nicer clothing and therefore not helpful to a child who is already feeling isolated or hurt.

DON'T say " Don't worry. " That's just another way of dismissing her reaction and suggesting that her thoughts and feelings are the wrong ones. (Also, it won't actually stop her worrying).

DON'T project you own past experiences or hurts into your child's situation. How you would feel in this situation is irrelevant. Focus only on how you child is feeling.

DO ask before giving advice. Say something like, " Are you just sharing or do you want me to offer my thoughts?" or " I have a few ideas about what you could try but I'm sure you've already thought of them. Would you like to hear my ideas or are you happy to stick with your own? "

DON'T take over and jump into action to try and fix things yourself.

DO work with your child to help them find solutions - if that's what they want to do. Remember to elicit their ideas rather than imposing your own (eg ask " What have you tried so far?" or " That's a tough situation to be in. Have you got any thoughts about what you could do? "). The idea is to empower and support your child so they can rise to this challenge (and future challenges), not to tell them what you think is the right solution.

DO prompt them towards a coping skill if they are upset and check back with them later.

These are my golden tips for helping children with friendship problems. I'd love to know what has worked for you?
Does your child suffer from ANXIETY? We offer specialised support for parents to help you learn how to support an anxious child/teenager and build their confidence. Details here.
You might also find this booklist of Books for helping children manage friendship problems helpful. Or, if there is bullying involved (rather than just the ups, downs and dramas of regular friendship), then please read Bullying: where to find help.
*This post contains affiliate links. That means that if you click through from this post and make a purchase, the Positive Parenting Project will receive a small commission. There is no additional charge to you. This helps us to keep providing free supportive content for our readers. For more info, see Disclosure Notice.

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Helping Children With Friendship Problems | Anita Cleare

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Helping children with friendship problems is all about listening and empowering and very little about giving advice. There are some clear Do's and Don'ts. But

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What Kids Can Say To Deal With Tough Friendship Issues

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What Kids Can Say To Deal With Tough Friendship Issues

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Talking to Children About Friendship Problems

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Talking to Children About Friendship Problems

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3 Ways To Help Children Navigate Friendship Challenges

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3 Ways To Help Children Navigate Friendship Challenges

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The importance of friendships for your mental health

Friends can help you with your mental health in lots of different ways. They might check in with how you are feeling, or simply make you laugh with the best TikToks. They might also help you by:

When friends help and support you, they can boost your self-esteem, make you feel good, and remind you that you are loved for who you are. They can help you to look after your mental health.

Advice from young people like you

Our Activists and other young people like you, share how their friends have helped them with their mental health.

Talking to friends about mental health

Talking to a friend about your mental health is one of the first steps on the road to feeling better. But sometimes, this can feel quite scary. You might not know what to say, or you might be nervous about sharing how you are feeling. That's okay! Here are some tips that can help:

Pick a good time when you won't get interrupted and find a quiet space to chat.

Explain how you are feeling.

Be clear about what you want shared. You may not want other friends to know yet, and that's okay. Let your friend know that you are not ready to share with others. However, if your friend is worried that you aren't safe, they will need to tell a trusted adult.

Remember: Good friends will want to be there for you so you don't have to struggle alone. For more tips, have a look at our page on reaching out for help.

It is normal to feel nervous or uncomfortable when it comes to talking about your mental health. This can make you feel like it is not something you want to do, but talking about your mental health with the people you trust is often the first step to feeling better.

If you are struggling with a friendship

Throughout our lives, we might struggle with our friendships. We might argue with friends, no longer speak to friends we were once close to, or we might lose some friendships. You might struggle with a friend because:

one of you moves away, making it difficult to keep in touch

your friend makes new friends that you do not feel comfortable around

you might be left out of the friendship group

you meet new friends and aren't able to spend as much time with your old friend as you used to

one of you might be struggling with your mental health, meaning that you/your friend might be withdrawn and not keeping in touch as much

your friend might not understand how you are feeling or what you are going through - this can make it difficult to chat to your friends, or make it feel like they aren't taking your feelings seriously

you are making the effort to see your friend and stay in touch but they aren't making the effort back

they often ask you for advice and it feels like a lot of responsibility that you are struggling to manage

We might have arguments with friends, and sometimes fall out, but often you can get through those difficult moments together. You or your friend may not have realised how each other were feeling or understood what either of you were going through.

By talking things through and explaining how you both feel, you can both learn to better understand how you can support each other. Overcoming these tough times together can sometimes help make your friendship stronger.

Coping with the loss of a friendship

In some situations, however, your friendship might come to an end. You may have tried to work through an argument and it hasn't worked out, or they may have not been very nice to you.

Friendships can come to a natural end too. There might not be a specific reason, but you might no longer keep in touch. Sometimes people grow apart and that's okay.

When friendships come to an end, it can be really tough. Friends are there through the highs and lows - they can be like our chosen family, meaning that it can feel tough to move on - but things can get better over time.

If someone close to you passes away, it can be extremely difficult. Jacob shares how he coped with the death of his best friend and Nia shares advice on how she coped with losing a friendship.

If you have lost a friend, our page has advice if you're finding it hard to cope.

When I lost my best friend to suicide at 16 years old, I had panic attacks and walked out of lessons at college, flooded in oceans of guilt and upset.

I went from being a very hard-working media student to not caring. I became very distant and didn't put much effort into my work.

I reached out to my GP who was very useful in supporting me. I found a counsellor, which has been a lifesaver for me in getting me back on my feet and learning how to manage my grief while keeping the memories of my friend alive.

Jacob's story: Coping with the death of my best friend

Over the years of hurting and healing, I have unfortunately learnt that there is no magic cure for dealing with the loss of a friendship. You can't ambush a heart into healing or speeding up the process, but the days get less painful and in my experience, you will come through the other side.

Take time for yourself. Don't try and replace them. Learn what it was that you valued in that friendship. Figure out what it is that you feel like you are missing without them. This will help you to look for it in future.

Cherish those friends who are currently around you, hold onto the memories you've made and trust the process.

Nia's story: How to cope with the loss of a friendship

Tips and advice from our Activists

Our Activists share their tips on what to do if you're struggling with a friendship.

Understanding when a friendship is unhealthy

While occasional arguments or disagreements can be normal between friends, there are times when friendships can become unhealthy and affect you in a negative way. This can be things like:

your friends pressuring you to do something you feel uncomfortable with, like taking drugs or drinking alcohol

when jokes or banter become hurtful and disrespectful

you are constantly arguing and falling out

they continue to ask you for help when you have told them you are unable to

they make you feel guilty

they make you feel uncomfortable when spending time with different friends and make you feel like you have to choose between them

they bully you

the friendship feels 'one-sided', where they ask a lot of you but you don't feel like they support you in return

they isolate you from a group on purpose, making you feel lonely

Sometimes, friends might do these things unintentionally or without realising, or they might continue to do them after you've asked them to stop. Ultimately, it's about how you feel about the friendship.

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Artwork by @thetypewriterdaily. An open sketchbook shows a drawing that represents releasing what isn't for you. The left-hand page shows a hand releasing grey colours from its palm. The right-hand page shows a hand receiving a rainbow into its palm. The text reads, 'release what isn't for you so you can receive what is - Mansi.'

If you're finding a friendship difficult

If you're finding a friendship difficult, you might want to talk to that friend about how they have been treating you. You might be nervous about talking to them, or worried about how they will react. Childline have some tips on how you can talk to your friend and be assertive to explain how you feel.

If your friend is constantly asking you for help but you're not sure what to say, it can make you feel stressed or anxious. Our page on how to support a friend with their mental health has tips on how you can set boundaries and look after your mental health, which you may find helpful.

When a friendship becomes unhealthy, it can impact other areas of your life and how you think and feel. It can make you feel down or anxious, or might lower your self-esteem and how you feel around other people. If you feel like this, it's important that you are able to get help. Even when you disagree with friends, you still deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.

You are confused, the world seems scary, and it feels like everyone else fits in and you don't. As if they all have the rule book to life which you forgot to pick up.

Right now, fitting in seems so, so important. But understanding friendships seems impossible and people are just really hard work! Growing up is hard. I know people say this a lot, but it really is true.

I know it feels like nobody gets you - you feel like an outsider looking in. You feel like an alien, born onto the wrong planet and in some ways, I guess you are. But actually, being different isn't a bad thing.

Coping with peer pressure

It's normal for people to compare themselves to their friends and peers, and often the influence of your friends can have a positive role in shaping your identity. Sometimes though, the influence of your friends and peers can be a cause of stress.

If you feel like you're being pressured by friends or peers into doing something that you don't want to do, this is called peer pressure. For example, you might feel pressured to take drugs or drink alcohol, to take dangerous risks when driving, or to have sex before you feel ready. If you are in a situation like this, it's important to say how you feel and that you don't want to take part. If your friends keep trying to get you to take part, speak to a trusted adult about how you are feeling. You need to make sure you are safe, so if you do feel at risk, you should reach out to professional services.

Seek out good friendships

You may worry that by not doing something that your friends are doing, you will be left out, or it will damage your friendship.

But remember, a good friend won't pressure you to do anything you're not comfortable with.

You deserve to have friends that accept your decisions and make you feel as though your feelings are valid.

Below are some tips to help you cope with peer pressure. Rose, 20, also shares her advice in our blog.

Real stories about friendship from young people

Get help now

If you are struggling with a friend and not sure who to talk to, there are people who will help you get through this. Here are some organisations that can provide you with support.

Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If you are in crisis right now and want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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Friends | Tips and Advice about Friendships

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Friends can be a source of mental health support. But sometimes, you might find you're not getting along. Our page has tips and advice that can help you.