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These lyrics from 'Alone' by Suicidal Tendencies are how Nana felt before she took her life. "I've lived in places that you wouldn't never ever want to be. Places where for a minute you couldn't ever stand to be. I've seen things, I've seen things you'd never want to see. So what gives, what gives you the right to be the judge of me. I'm all alone."

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These lyrics from 'Alone' by Suicidal Tendencies are how Nana felt before she took her life. "I've lived in places that you wouldn't never ever want to be. Places where for a minute you couldn't ever stand to be. I've seen things, I've seen things you'd never want to see. So what gives, what gives you the right to be the judge of me. I'm all alone."

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This kind of looks like how the relationship between Mariam and Laila was formed. 

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They realized that they only have each other and Mariam was like a mom to Laila. She was guiding and protecting Laila the whole way, which is very similar to what is shown in the photo above. The dependence of younger people to their elders.

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 First Cut Is The Deepest. This song kind of represents how sad and betrayed Mariam must have felt when Jalil left her when she was most vulnerable

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0:00 / 3:44•Watch full video

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Sheryl Crow - The First Cut Is The Deepest (Official Music Video)

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(4) This made Mariam realized that her mother had been right the whole time and that Jalil didn't truly cared for the well-being  of Mariam. She starts to acknowledge that she needs to be independent and that she's all alone without her mother.

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(4) This made Mariam realized that her mother had been right the whole time and that Jalil didn't truly cared for the well-being  of Mariam. She starts to acknowledge that she needs to be independent and that she's all alone without her mother.

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At first, Mariam's life was miserable. Figures in her life like Nana, Jalil, and Rasheed controlled her life and were unable to return her love, making her feel worthless because Nana saw her as a harami, Jalil was ashamed of her, Rasheed was always disappointed with her, and her resentment for not being able to have children. It's only when Mariam meets Laila and her children where Mariam finds a true sense of belonging. Laila's kindness is what helps her escape her bitterness, and she begins to feel love and happiness again as a fulfilled mother figure to her family. This ends with her sacrificing herself to protect those she loves, empowering herself to control her own life and and making her feel important to these people through the power of love. This shows how love can enhance self worth through the mutual connections that friendship improved that improved Mariam's life.

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In "A Thousand Splendid Suns" by Khaled Hosseini, Mariam's journey of endurance and self worth causes her to be acquainted with many people who show her different types of intimacy. The ties and connections Mariam makes throughout the story allude to Housseini's theme of how love and friendship that is received and returned can make somebody feel valuable.

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Daddy Issues: "I didn't cry when you left at first" relates to Mariam not tolerating Jalil, and "But now that you're dead it hurts" foreshadows her grief.

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(8) Mariam refuses to see Jalil. One day Jalil comes to see her at Rasheed's house, but Mariam refuses to see him, still resenting him for betraying her. Jalil leaves a letter for Mariam, which Mariam tore apart, showing how the love that Jalil never fully returned to Mariam left her bitter. 

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(8) Mariam refuses to see Jalil. One day Jalil comes to see her at Rasheed's house, but Mariam refuses to see him, still resenting him for betraying her. Jalil leaves a letter for Mariam, which Mariam tore apart, showing how the love that Jalil never fully returned to Mariam left her bitter. 

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"He'd stood there for hours, waiting for her, now and then calling her name, just as she had once called his name outside his house"
"She had sat on the bed, waited for him to leave"
"She had shredded it unopened"
"He'd not been a good father"

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MEME: Nana when she tells Mariam that she's an ungrateful daughter for choosing to be with the father who didn't care for her the way she did, causing guilt. 

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(3) Nana commits suicide after Mariam leaves their kolba, feeling betrayed by her daughter for not heeding her warnings of Jalil's empty promises after Mariam is neglected by him. Mariam feels ashamed of this, and blames herself for the death of her mother.

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(3) Nana commits suicide after Mariam leaves their kolba, feeling betrayed by her daughter for not heeding her warnings of Jalil's empty promises after Mariam is neglected by him. Mariam feels ashamed of this, and blames herself for the death of her mother.

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"Of all daughters I could have had, why did God give me an ungrateful one like you? Everything I endured for you! How dare you! How dare you abandon me like this, you treacherous little harami!"
"Please stay, I'll die if you go."
"I shouldn't have left her. I should have-"
"It wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault. No."

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Hohenheim from FMAB started illegitimate & felt undeserving of life like Mariam until he met his wife and kids, & their love helped him live a fulfilling life. 

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(12) Mariam is content while being executed. She recalls how life has been cruel to her and how she won't be able to see the people she loves in the future. However, the fact that she has found people she loves and people who return it through Laila has made Mariam feel at peace. Knowing she sacrificed everything to protect her loving family leaves her satisfied to leave this planet as someone who transitioned from illegitimate to someone worthy of love and who is loved. 

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(12) Mariam is content while being executed. She recalls how life has been cruel to her and how she won't be able to see the people she loves in the future. However, the fact that she has found people she loves and people who return it through Laila has made Mariam feel at peace. Knowing she sacrificed everything to protect her loving family leaves her satisfied to leave this planet as someone who transitioned from illegitimate to someone worthy of love and who is loved. 

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"She wished she could see Laila again, wished to hear the clangor of her laugh, to sit with her once more for a pot of chai and leftover halwa under a starlit sky. She mourned that she would never see Aziza grow up, would not see the beautiful young woman that she would one day"
"She thought of her entry into this world, the harami child of a lowly villager, an unintended thing, a pitiable, regrettable accident. A weed. And yet she was leaving the world as a woman who had loved and been loved back. She was leaving it as a friend, a companion, a guardian. A mother. A person of consequence at last. No. It was not so bad, Mariam thought, that she should die this way. Not so bad. This was a legitimate end to a life of illegitimate beginnings."

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0:00 / 2:14•Watch full video

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Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood - Hohenheim Death Scene

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The Owl House: This reminds me of how Eda sacrificed herself to protect her "adopted" daughter who improved her life & happiness like how Mariam did for Laila

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(11) Mariam kills Rasheed. Rasheed beats and strangles Laila after learning of her association with Tariq, causing Mariam to ram a shovel against Rasheed's skull to save her life. She then tells Laila and the kids to flee, thanking them for fulfilling her life as their mother and sacrificing herself for their sake. This shows how their love has empowered Mariam to take control of her own life and how their love was mutual and inclined her to protect them. 

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(11) Mariam kills Rasheed. Rasheed beats and strangles Laila after learning of her association with Tariq, causing Mariam to ram a shovel against Rasheed's skull to save her life. She then tells Laila and the kids to flee, thanking them for fulfilling her life as their mother and sacrificing herself for their sake. This shows how their love has empowered Mariam to take control of her own life and how their love was mutual and inclined her to protect them. 

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"Had Mariam been certain that he would be satisfied with shooting only her, that there was a chance he would spare Laila, she might have dropped the shovel. But in Rasheed's she saw murder for them both"
"She turned it so the sharp edge was vertical, and, as she did, it occurred to her that this was the first time that she was deciding the course of her own life"
"Mariam waited patiently until Laila felt better. Then she had Laila lie down, and, as she stroked Laila's hair in her lap, Mariam said not to worry, that everything would be gine. She said that they would leave- she, Laila, the children, and Tariq too."
"I meant it for you, Laila jo"
"For me, it ends here. There's nothing more I want. Everything I'd ever wished for as a little girl you've already given me. You and your children have made me so very happy. It's all right, Laila jo. This is all right. Don't be sad."

or the b

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Eda's Sacrifice (Clip) / Agony Of A Witch / The Owl House

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Kaguya-sama: Kaguya reminds me a lot of Mariam, as they were miserable and close-minded until love helped both become better/happier people & love back. 

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(10) Mariam forms a friendship with Laila and her daughter Aziza. When Laila defends Mariam and Mariam grows intimate with Aziza, a relationship begins to develop. Mariam cares for Laila like a daughter by aiding her attempted escape to Peshawar, enduring Rasheed equally, helping her at the hospital, and spending time with her children. All of these intimate moments helps Mariam feel happiness again after being so bitter, showing how love improved her self-esteem.

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(10) Mariam forms a friendship with Laila and her daughter Aziza. When Laila defends Mariam and Mariam grows intimate with Aziza, a relationship begins to develop. Mariam cares for Laila like a daughter by aiding her attempted escape to Peshawar, enduring Rasheed equally, helping her at the hospital, and spending time with her children. All of these intimate moments helps Mariam feel happiness again after being so bitter, showing how love improved her self-esteem.

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"though her throat was parched with thirst and her feet burned with pins and needles, it was a long time before Mariam gently freed her finger from the baby's grip and got up"
"The other night, when he... Nobody's ever stood up for me before,"
"We'll do it together. If I'm not mistaken, there's some halwa left over. Awfully good with chai."
"In this fleeting, wordless exchange with Mariam, Laila knew that they were not enemies any longer."
"My daughter's water broke and the baby won't come"
"You're the mother?"

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0:00 / 2:15•Watch full video

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When your crush meet your Dad || Kaguya Love is War Season 2

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MEME: Like Nana who was unloved by Jalil, Mariam has been unloved to an extent to the point where she has become bitter like Nana, calling Laila ungrateful.

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(9) Mariam saves Laila who initially becomes her rival. After nursing her back to health, Rasheed starts a courtship with Laila which causes Mariam to see Laila as ungrateful and she becomes envious of Laila stealing her husband, resenting her in the process. Mariam is a miserable women without Rasheed's love similar to Nana.

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(9) Mariam saves Laila who initially becomes her rival. After nursing her back to health, Rasheed starts a courtship with Laila which causes Mariam to see Laila as ungrateful and she becomes envious of Laila stealing her husband, resenting her in the process. Mariam is a miserable women without Rasheed's love similar to Nana.

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"I wouldn't have fed you and washed you and nursed you if I'd known you were going to turn around and steal my husband"
"How you told her, Mariam, have you told her that you are a harami?"
"Mariam was a thirty-three-year-old woman now, but that word, harami, still had sting. Hearing it still made her feel like she was a pest, a cockroach."
"Who does she think she is, that harami, treating you-"
"You're a sad, miserable woman"

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All I Want: All Mariam wants is love that lasts (from Nana, Jalil, Rasheed). She thinks that something is wrong with her (horrible daughter and wife). 

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(7) Mariam is unable to bear children. This causes Rasheed to resent Mariam and she is again seen as a harami. This also causes Mariam to enter a stage of grief because she is incapable of having a child that will love her back, connecting to her desire to love and to be loved and how the lack of love has left her bitter and worthless. 

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(7) Mariam is unable to bear children. This causes Rasheed to resent Mariam and she is again seen as a harami. This also causes Mariam to enter a stage of grief because she is incapable of having a child that will love her back, connecting to her desire to love and to be loved and how the lack of love has left her bitter and worthless. 

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"Mariam was dumbfounded that she could miss in such a crippling manner a being she had never even seen"
"Mariam resented them when she overheard them complaining about misbehaving sons and lazy daughters"
"she believed that the baby had been an undeserved blessing, that she was being punished for what she had done to Nana."
"She became furious with herself for sleeping in the wrong position, for eating meals that were too spicy, for not eating enough fruit, for drinking too much tea"
"With each disappointment, Rasheed had grown more remote and resentful. Now nothing she did pleased him"
"Now you know what you've given me in this marriage. Bad food and nothing else"

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Mariam's in an abusive relationship with Rasheed who has sex without consent, criticizes her, makes her dependent on him, and controls her in general. 

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(6) Mariam tries to appease Rasheed. Rasheed tells Mariam to be a real wife, so Mariam performs different tasks to satisfy him. She tidies the house, she gets lost and hurt trying to make dinner, she sleeps with him, and goes out with him in a burqa for the sake of their marriage. During Eid, Mariam considers how lonely Rasheed must have been and how much Rasheed values her, making Mariam believe she can get along with Rasheed as his loving wife. 

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(6) Mariam tries to appease Rasheed. Rasheed tells Mariam to be a real wife, so Mariam performs different tasks to satisfy him. She tidies the house, she gets lost and hurt trying to make dinner, she sleeps with him, and goes out with him in a burqa for the sake of their marriage. During Eid, Mariam considers how lonely Rasheed must have been and how much Rasheed values her, making Mariam believe she can get along with Rasheed as his loving wife. 

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"A flare of pride caught her off guard. She had done well - maybe better than good even - and it surprised her, this thrill she felt over his small complement."
"He was a man. All those years without a woman. Could she fault him for being the way God had created him?"
"what entitled her anyway, a villager, a harami, to pass judgement?"
"She told herself they would make good companions after all"

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Have you had a disturbing experience in your current relationship? Did it make you wonder what might happen next? Maybe you just feel a certain dread when thinking about the way your partner will react to a situation. Either way, it's possible that your relationship has begun to cross the line and is becoming abusive. It is important to know the warning signs of an abusive relationship so that you can keep yourself safe and get out before serious mental or physical injuries occur.

If you are worried about exhibiting some of these abusive behaviors yourself, get help. A counselor is a good first step to start understanding how you treat other people. This professional can also help you understand events in your own life that contribute to your abusive behavior. You may want to try a certified domestic violence program for batterers or a batterer intervention program. These types of programs can help you find motivation for overcoming denial, taking responsibility for your abusive actions, and learning how to communicate productively.

1. ↑ Joshua Pompey. Relationship Expert. Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.

2. ↑ Joshua Pompey. Relationship Expert. Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.

3. ↑ Jay Reid, LPCC. Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor. Expert Interview. 7 August 2020.

4. ↑ Jay Reid, LPCC. Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor. Expert Interview. 7 August 2020.

This article was co-authored by Jay Reid, LPCC. Jay Reid is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC) in private practice in San Francisco, CA. He specializes in helping clients who have survived a narcissistic parent or partner. Treatment focuses upon helping clients identify and challenge self-diminishing beliefs as a result of narcissistic abuse. Jay holds a BA in Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania and an MS in Clinical Psychology from Penn State University. This article has been viewed 583,933 times.

Updated: January 20, 2022

Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 583,933 times.

"I loved this article. It helped me leave my abusive relationship, as well as prevent my friend from getting into one! I'm in a new relationship with my loving boyfriend and we live near my parents. Thank you so much for this!" ..." more

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How to Recognize a Potentially Abusive Relationship

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Have you had a disturbing experience in your current relationship? Did it make you wonder what might happen next? Maybe you just feel a certain dread when thinking about the way your partner will react to a situation. Either way, it's...

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Child Marriage: significant to the context of courtships. Similar to Mariam, girls have "little or no say," and Mariam's lack of love makes her feel powerless. 

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(5) Mariam is wed to Rasheed who she does not find attractive. This is forced upon her from Jalil and his family, but she accepts out of her own guilt over Nana's death and resentment against Jalil that makes her feel of little value.

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(5) Mariam is wed to Rasheed who she does not find attractive. This is forced upon her from Jalil and his family, but she accepts out of her own guilt over Nana's death and resentment against Jalil that makes her feel of little value.

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"Mariam smelled him before she saw him"
"The size of him almost made her gasp"
"The overall impression was of a long face, a triangular face, a bit houndlike. And yet Mariam saw that, oddly enough, the whole of these unmemorable parts made for a face that was not pretty but, somehow, not unpleasant to look at either."
"Don't you come. I don't want to hear from you. Ever. Ever."
"She was in a stranger's house, with all its different rooms and its smell of cigarette smoke, with its unfamiliar cupboards full of unfamiliar utensils, its heavy, dark green curtains, and a ceiling she knew she could not reach. The space of it suffocated Mariam. Pangs of longing bore into her, for Nana, for Mullah Faizullah, for her old life."

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As chair of the United Nations taskforce on early marriage (which also includes UNICEF, UN Women, UNDP and UNAMA), UNFPA works closely with communities, religious leaders and youth in five provinces, where it leads grassroots campaigns among a wide, largely illiterate audience, using cartoons and other relevant communication materials to talk about the risks of early marriage including its health consequences.

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PINOCCHIO Movie Clip - Pinocchio's Lies (1940): Pinocchio (the film that Mariam wants to watch with Jalil) foreshadows Mariam's naive innocence and Jalil's lies

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(2) Mariam feels loved by her biological father Jalil who charms her with fishing, songs, jewelery, film, and etc every week. Mariam grows anxious when Jalil is gone, yearning that she could live with him in his mansion to see him and be loved like a legitimate daughter.

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(2) Mariam feels loved by her biological father Jalil who charms her with fishing, songs, jewelery, film, and etc every week. Mariam grows anxious when Jalil is gone, yearning that she could live with him in his mansion to see him and be loved like a legitimate daughter.

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"She pretended that for each second that she didn't breathe, God would grant her another day with Jalil."
"They would ride in his car, people would point and say, 'There goes Jalil Khan with his daughter.'"
"...he would surely take her with him. He would bring her to Herat, to live in his house, just like his other children."

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PINOCCHIO Movie Clip - Pinocchio's Lies (1940) Classic Disney Animation HD

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Waiting in the Wings (Reprise): The singer loved her mom without being loved back similar to how Mariam waited on Jalil for nothing and craved affection.

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(4) Jalil is ashamed of Mariam. Jalil does not keep his promise of taking Mariam to watch a movie with his  family because he is embarrassed that Mariam is his illegitimate daughter. When Mariam's mother passes, Jalil only lets her stay out of courtesy but is ashamed of her presence, especially among his wives, causing him to wed Mariam to someone else. This causes Mariam to resent Jalil and to feel unloved by him.

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(4) Jalil is ashamed of Mariam. Jalil does not keep his promise of taking Mariam to watch a movie with his  family because he is embarrassed that Mariam is his illegitimate daughter. When Mariam's mother passes, Jalil only lets her stay out of courtesy but is ashamed of her presence, especially among his wives, causing him to wed Mariam to someone else. This causes Mariam to resent Jalil and to feel unloved by him.

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"For the first time, Mariam could hear with Nana's ears. She could hear so clearly now the insincerity that had always lurked beneath, the hollow, false assurances."
"Goddamn it, Mariam, don't do this to me"
"You'd be a burden to his family"
"I thought about you all the time. I used to pray that you'd live to be a hundred years old. I didn't know. I didn't know you  were ashamed of me."

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The broken bowl makes Mariam feel like an unloved failure, a theme that is very common as the story continues.

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(1) Nana sees Mariam as a "harami" (a bastard).                                       She resents Mariam for being an illegitimate child and she resents Mariam's father for leaving her with Mariam as a burden in their kolba. This causes Mariam to feel worthless and unloved by Nana's strict and spiteful nature.

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(1) Nana sees Mariam as a "harami" (a bastard).                                       She resents Mariam for being an illegitimate child and she resents Mariam's father for leaving her with Mariam as a burden in their kolba. This causes Mariam to feel worthless and unloved by Nana's strict and spiteful nature.

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"You are a clumsy little harami. This is my reward for everything I've endured. An heirloom-breaking, clumsy little harami."