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He seems like he is very thorough, but more global ‘feedback’ might be more helpful than micromanaging smaller more fine details. Maybe the student needs help at the smaller  level? I don’t know. It just kind of seems to take away agency for how the student might fix their writing.

AG

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I loved that the criticism was broken down pretty thoroughly but occasionally the comments seem rather passive aggressive in tone. This could be a personal bias, but it is important to understand how words on a screen can be differently interpreted from others rather than how it was intended to be.
TV

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One thing that I noticed is that in the essay on the first page, there is a comment about a quote having multiple sentences contained in it and that the multiple sentences in one quote are an issue. But in my opinion, using multiple sentences together as they appear in the text helps contextualize the previous statement without making the sentence clunky by having back-to-back quotes with a word or two between that convey the same idea as leaving the sentences together.

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I respect that he is writing in full sentences because it is showing that he is actually taking the time to read and improve these essays for students. I hate when I just get comments like "good" or "nice" or really just one worded answers. The lengthy responses shows that he does care and is taking time to help these students improve their writing.

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"This is the closest you get to putting your argument in the terms of the prompt: you're almost telling me that the religion is the thing that is creating the bad for the Umuofians here. But you want to be more clear and more obvious and argue what the prompt asks you to argue."
This feedback, as a student if I read this, I would feel the need to completely scrap my whole paper. If my final line is the part that vaguely answers the prompt, the rest of my paper means nothing and it doesn't matter what you wrote earlier. How are they to get over that knowledge? Why are you so stuck on focusing solely on the prompt? If you understood the paper up to the moment, this comment is just uncalled for. -JP

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I understand the idea of not using first-person pronouns in an evidence-based argumentative essay, but forcing students to remove those pronouns from actual quotations seems like a bit much. In fact, I think it's downright wrong. Students should realize that separating the author from their written work is impossible. These argumentative essays are the students' writing, and asking them to completely sanitize their writing of anything resembling a personality is nothing short of erasure. I would recommend altering this law to allow your students more ownership of their writing. -DR

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I like the length of the comments and the number of them as well. I think if I were a sophomore and I got comments that were written the way these were, I would definitely understand how to make my essay better, but there were a few comments that I found a little confusing. For example, the first example paper where there was the bit about the word "wealth." Was that just a typo? The wording was a little confusing to me and I was wondering why if it was just a typo, why the comment was worded the way it was.
MM

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I think your comments were actually really thoughtful and useful. You explain what you are looking for in really great detail. I also do not think your tone is condescending, sometimes critique is just hard to make sound nice. As long as your students understand that, and you've made it clear that writing doesn't define a students worth, I think your language is good. From a teacher's perspective, you have to get your comments and critiques across to your students. This is only a small snapshot of your process, but I would also hope that you offer students help on the things you claim they struggle with, and they feel comfortable asking you for that help. The only thing I would say is strange and you should consider changing is the illegal pronouns thing. Why do you want to do this? How does this benefit students/improve their writing? Whose standards are you basing your hatred of pronouns off of? Also consider your own cultural background in what you consider to be "professional" language.
-M.W.

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Rubrics and critea is useful because they offer a template for students about their writing. But getting a number on the rubric is not helpful. Feedback needs to be much more specific. I agree the analysis is a 2.5, but I don't think the student knows what to do with this. I rec highlighting the students analysis in the first body, explaining it is paraphrasing, and then add a specific question (like How is Okonko's fame benefiting the Umoufians? How was his fame achieved through the religion?)
Analysis is really hard. Telling students they need more anaylsis doesn't help them know how to analysis.

-TS

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I appreciate the full sentences used to give feedback, it shows that you respect the students enough to give them the time of day. These full sentences make the feedback more specific, which is better than it being vague. I like the inclusion of compliments and "good" things, but compliments are only given when there is criticism.

I think the "no 'illegal pronouns'" in quotations is a little much. Students should be allowed to quote the text and the speaker/narrator directly without awkwardly accommodating the quote.

This written feedback feels harsh as it's mostly critical feedback. I will always advocate for in-person, spoken feedback in conversations rather than written text that may be hard to interpret.

E R

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I think a lot of these comments seemed really helpful to the students' writing. I liked that they were occasionally structured in the compliment sandwich method so any critiques he had didn't come across so harsh.  I did, however, have a bit of an issue with the comma comment. I love commas. Part of me wonders if, instead of the comment about commas, the students might benefit more from a comma refresher course. Additionally, like a lot of other people on here, I had an issue with the term "illegal pronouns" and the ban on personal pronouns. Personal pronouns have a huge value in conveying individuality and the voices of the students that might have helped them explain their stance on the subject better if they had been allowed to use these "illegal pronouns."  I also struggled a bit with the section of the rubric that was labeled "overall writing," because so many of the requirements seemed subjective. That being said, I think that the final comments on each essay were really detailed and that there was a really nice effort on the teacher's part to try to provide good feedback that would help his students in their future revisions if they were allowed to do so.

M.N.H.

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I think the feedback is very specific and clear. However, the way some things are phrased feels condescending. It feels like students are being blamed for not applying what the class has done thus far. It also feels like a lot of feedback that students might not read. It would be interesting to have them comment their questions or comment on any spots for improvement so you could address those things specifically. I appreciate how the feedback and rubric are clear and concise.
LHL

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My dad is a teacher and he texts me like this, so I wasn't really fazed by the way he writes his notes. I think my two biggest issues are the comment about the audience on the first page and the "illegal pronouns" rule. My issue with the audience comment is because he says that the reader has to infer too much. In the rubric/assignment description, there is no mention of who the intended audience is for this essay. I wouldn't have a problem with this comment if the students knew who their audience was, but I think that the comment is unfair because students are unaware of how much their reader knows about the text. The illegal pronouns rule is stupid and we have talked about that a lot in this class, but I think that this sentiment is really unnecessary because these pronouns are not making writing worse-- they may be traditionally "informal" but in college my professors don't care about the use of these pronouns in an essay.

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MY - I really like your critiques for students that are proficient/exemplary are very beneficial, but I think that students that are developing could benefit from knowing more about what they are doing right in order to move in that direction. With the illegal pronouns, I think there could be a better way to refer to these. One idea could be to teach students that if it did not affect them personally, then there is no need for personal pronouns; one of my teachers referred to these as "forbidden pronouns." I was confused when it came to using these in quotes, and I think it would be beneficial to go over these with students. I really appreciate your use of full sentences as it shows your students that you care about the feedback that you are giving, but make sure you are giving equal feedback to students, maybe even more so to students that need additional help. One idea is to give feedback anonymously in which you don't know which student wrote it.

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I really like how Peterson gave thorough and insightful feedback to all students, and provided students with critical critiques. However, some of the critiques were condescending, and I, a college student, would be upset when having a professor tell me, "We went over this in class--"

You also helped one of your students struggling with wording a sentence and I really repect the time and energy you put into helping your students coming up with ideas for their essays and sentence structure.

You also provided the students with some positive feedback as well - which can help build student confidence. I really appreciate the time and energy you put into grading your students papers. I can tell you put a lot of time into grading these and the students must really appreciate it.

- MES

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I think that a lot of the feedback itself is very helpful and supportive, but it's the phrasing that feels a little less than empathetic. There's a condescending tone that flows through some of the phrases- "I'm going to guess that you intended to do this the way I taught you..." I can't say that that is the most motivational way of putting it. It's also hard when you don't have the context of knowing someone personally. It feels like the students are being discredited for their work. H.G.

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I didn't mind the critiquing - but can tell that it's made for specific types of students who respond well to critical feedback. I feel like it's hard to critique writing because certain students will shut down when their writing is overly micromanaged.
SD

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he keeps saying "we went over this in class", so if you keep writing that to your students, are they really undering the prompt? maybe explain it again? or more in depth? he wrote this for two students, maybe instead of writing that try explaining it to them better.

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"I'm going to guess that you *intended* to do this the way I taught you and just had a bit of a typo."
With everything we have been taught in this class about maintaining students voices, to assume that a student is going to follow exactly what you say is bizarre. As a writing teacher, you shouldn't try to create replicas of yourself. This quote combined with a comment on a typo seems intense for what may or may not have been wrong in the first place. -JP