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© Switzer, Suzanne

Email: suzanneswitzer7@gmail.com

To cite:

Switzer, S. 2024. "Sexual Consent in Ireland", SEXTANT: Masculinities, Sexualities & Decolonialities, Padlet. Vol 2, Issue 1: 13.

SEXTANT: Masculinities, Sexualities &, Decolonialities

ISSN 2990-8124

University College Dublin, Ireland

https://sextantnotes.com

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SEXTANT is an online journal which navigates the lenses of masculinities, sexualities, and decolonialities.

SEXTANT aims to shift our understanding of these subjects while looking at the ways they intersect, especially in areas that are often overlooked.

SEXTANT features the work of students, activists, artists, and scholars, welcoming submissions in a wide variety of mediums, such as research papers, book reviews, creative writing, visual art, and digital projects.

.

/ˈsɛkst(ə)nt/
noun

an instrument with a graduated arc of 60° and a sighting mechanism, used for determining the angle between the horizon and a celestial body such as the Sun, the Moon, or a star, used in celestial navigation to determine placement.

SEXTANT: masculinities, sexualities and decolonialities
ISSN 2990-8124
University College Dublin
sextant@ucd.ie

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SEXTANT is an online journal which navigates the lenses of masculinities, sexualities, and decolonialities. SEXTANT aims to shift our understanding of these subjects while looking at the ways they intersect, especially in areas that are often overlooked. SEXTANT features the work of students, activists, artists, and scholars, welcoming submissions in a wide variety of mediums,...

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What Irish People Know and Understand About Consent

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What Irish People Know and Understand About Consent

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Problematic consent beliefs included:

Consent can be ignored.

A lack of understanding around the right to withdraw consent.

Inhibitions around talking about sex candidly and clearly among all age groups.

People are unclear about their own sexual likes and dislikes and a quarter are unsure about partner preferences.

People lack the confidence to stop an encounter when uncomfortable.

(Dublin Rape Crisis Centre, 2021. Para. 4)

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Research shows most people believe Ireland has problem with consent | Dublin Rape Crisis Centre

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Most people in Ireland believe that there is a problem with consent, according to new research commissioned by Dublin Rape Crisis Centre (DRCC). ‘Real Consent in ’is the first national study of its …

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Spunout highlights how toxic masculinity is harmful to men, women or non-binary people, LGBTI+ people, or minorities and outlines ways we can challenge it.

Masculine traits that are considered ‘toxic’ include:

Using or threatening violence

Controlling others

Acting aggressively

Suppressing emotions

Trying to appear ‘tough’

Treating sex as a competition

Feeling entitled to sex from others

Using power over women, ‘weaker’ men, and marginalised groups

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In order to tackle toxic masculinity, we need to talk about it

Written by spunout

'Toxic masculinity' is a term used to describe how certain masculine traits cause harm to men and are also harmful to women and others. The phrase ' toxic masculinity ' is not meant as an insult to a person or to a group of people, but instead it is looking at behaviour that is having a negative impact on people.

By challenging toxic masculinity, we can help to improve mental health for men and create safer spaces for women and non-binary people.

How can toxic masculinity be bad?

Toxic masculinity can be bad for men's mental health. Toxic masculinity spreads a message that in order to be a "real man" you have to suppress your emotions, act tough, and behave in a certain way. This makes it harder to deal with difficult emotions and reach out for help if you need it. If people feel like they can't talk and instead choose to bottle everything up they are more likely to experience mental health problems. Rates of suicide in Ireland are higher for men than for women.

Toxic masculinity also creates a situation where women or non-binary people, LGBTI+ people, or minorities feel unsafe. This is because toxic masculinity can place certain men or masculine individuals in positions of power over others, and some men will find different ways to display their power to other men by taking it out on other groups.

Toxic masculinity can also lead to higher levels of violence among men than among women.

Learn more about toxic masculinity and the negative impact it can have.

Why do people behave in a toxic way?

It is important to remember that displays of toxic masculinity can often come from a place of vulnerability or fear of humiliation. Just as women can often feel pressured to fit into certain gender expectations, men may display toxic masculinity to feel accepted or to win the approval of other males. However, because gender-stereotypical behaviour for women does not involve aggression, violence, dominating others or suppressing emotions, it is much less harmful to others.

How can we challenge toxic masculinity?

Challenging toxic masculinity can benefit everyone - men, women, trans and non-binary people. However, it can sometimes seem like a difficult task. Here are some ways you can challenge toxic masculinity:

Talk about it

The best way to challenge toxic masculinity is to talk about it. This means having open and honest conversations with people in your life, regardless of their gender identity. Ask people how they think toxic masculinity affects them. If they think it doesn't affect them, try to explore different situations with them where toxic masculinity might play a role.

Some people might get defensive or feel threatened by discussing toxic masculinity. Try to explain to them as best you can that you're not trying to make them feel bad, you just want to have a conversation. There's not much you can do if you can't get through to them - just look after yourself and keep talking with others who are willing to listen.

Speak up if you hear something

It can be hard sometimes to challenge someone when they say something you don't think is right, especially in a group. However, if you choose to stay silent it tells that person that what they've said is okay - or at the very least, if it's not okay, they can still get away with it. Speaking up can be as simple as saying "Hey, that's not right" or "you shouldn't say that." The more you speak up, the more people around you will think before they speak, and maybe even change their attitude or behaviour.

Challenge yourself

While challenging others is part of tackling toxic masculinity, it might also be important to challenge yourself from time to time. When we have been brought up in a culture with certain stereotypes around men and women, male and female, masculine and feminine, sometimes we might make assumptions or have thoughts that are shaped by these stereotypes. If you catch yourself saying or thinking something that could be harmful or offensive to others, or is very stereotypical, take a moment to ask where that came from and if you really believe it.

Encourage people to talk about how they are feeling

High rates of suicide for men in Ireland show that men have a difficult time opening up. Try to encourage men (and everyone) in your life to talk about how they're feeling, and let them know that it's okay if they are struggling. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

You could also consider going for counselling. Counselling is a safe space to hear yourself think out loud about your life, express how you're really feeling and discuss concerns and worries with someone who won't judge you.

Feeling overwhelmed and want to talk to someone?
If you are a customer of the 48 or An Post network or cannot get through using the '50808' short code please text to 086 1800 280 (standard message rates may apply). Some smaller networks do not support short codes like '50808'.

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In order to tackle toxic masculinity, we need to talk about it

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This article from 2022 talks about how the current relationship and education school curriculum in Ireland must address "toxic masculinity" and how the curriculum is outdated and too focused on biology over consent.

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The relationship and sexual education (RSE) school curriculum must address "toxic masculinity", the term used to describe how certain masculine traits cause harm to men, women, and others.

The Irish Second-Level Students' Union (ISSU) told the Oireachtas committee on gender equality on Thursday that the current RSE curriculum is outdated and too focused on biology over consent.

David Byrne, a researcher from the Technological University Dublin (TU Dublin), told the committee that toxic masculinity is still evident in the classroom for certain male-dominated subjects.

"I think beginning in primary, or even before that but beginning with education, we need to teach boys to not be that way," he said.

"It really is that simple, but it's extraordinarily complex. It will be very, very difficult to break that mould because it's such an ingrained habit."

When asked by Fine Gael senator Regina Doherty about addressing this "culture", Emer Neville, ISSU president, said it's also a wider societal issue.

"I think it's definitely something that the RSE curriculum could cover. It's something that should be taught at home and I think it should be taught at every level from primary to third-level as well."

Examples of toxic masculinity affecting students include "young girls walking into a classroom and comments being made about their appearance" or sexist jokes being made about women belonging in the kitchen, she added.

"Men need to be hard men and you have to act and look a certain way to be a man in Irish society."

Saoirse Exton, ISSU equality officer, said that education is crucial to what society will look like in the future.

"Once it begins in the classroom, it can develop into much more serious things in adulthood," she said.

"Young men often learn from a young age that this is acceptable, that they can get away with certain things and this can be really, really harmful."

Fine Gael TD Jennifer Carroll O'Neill asked for examples of where "toxic masculinity" spills over outside school.

The sharing of intimate images is happening "everywhere", Ms Exton said. "I know girls that have had images shared among the boys in the classroom."

Statistics from the Rape Crisis Network of Ireland found that almost 50% of adolescents don't know how to report sexual harassment.

"So, they just don't [report it]," she said.

"Teen discos are the worse things that ever happened to Irish society. There are young women and men assaulted at those and again, nobody knows how to report them.

"I would know of several women that had been assaulted at teen discos on the same night."

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Sex education curriculum must address 'toxic masculinity', say students

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Outdated curriculum 'too focused on biology over consent'

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As the statistics show, sexual violence in Ireland is mainly carried out by men against women, and it is very often someone they know. Sexual activity without consent is sexual assault, and so the foundation for appropriate sexual behaviour must include consent. Consent that is affirmative, explicit and enthusiastic. Education about consent needs to become more comprehensive and include issues like stealthing so that people can become more aware of what constitutes a sexual assault and when they can pursue legal action. The dominant heterosexual script dictates that women are seen as submissive objects of male desire with limited sexual agency. Rape culture perpetuates sexual violence against women, and rape myths justify that violence and make it extremely difficult for women to report rape or seek justice in court. Sex education that fails to address rape myths will not challenge the beliefs ingrained in individuals by rape culture throughout their lives. Learning about consent in sexual relationships is vitally important. I would argue that it is also essential to hold men accountable when they commit sexual assault and not blame the victim. Without this, the culture will not change. Sex without consent is always rape.

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The term ‘rape culture’ was coined in the 1970s by feminist activists and is understood as a sociocultural context that eroticises male dominance and teaches young men and women that male aggression is a natural and acceptable component of sexual relations (Mendes, 2015). It is “a pervasive ideology that effectively supports or excuses sexual assault” (Burt, 1980, p. 218), where sexual assault is seen as an inherent part of masculinity. Women are seen as prey in a culture that normalises predatory relations; their value is dependent upon male validation, and their bodies are viewed as territory and commodity. Rape culture supports the view that “…some women cannot be raped – such as sex workers, ‘sluts’, or women of colour, who are always thought to be ‘up for it’” (Mendes, 2015, p. 5). Johnson and Johnson (2021) highlight the theoretical components of rape culture to include traditional gender roles (e.g. men are aggressive, women are passive), sexism (e.g. the belief that men are superior to women), adversarial sexual beliefs (e.g. women are sly and manipulative, men only want sex), hostility towards women (e.g. the belief that women are deceitful and coercive), and acceptance of violence (e.g. rough sex, the belief that violence is justified). The objectification of women and sexual violence towards them are prevalent throughout jokes, television, movies, animation, advertising, pornography, music lyrics/videos, magazines, social media, video games and fashion. Rape culture promotes the norms of sexual aggression while disregarding the concept of consent.

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This presentation uses mostly binary language due to the heteronormative gender stereotypes present in dominant sexual scripts, rape myths and rape culture.

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In this video, we can see how mainstream porn is not only shaping masculinity and femininity but how it positions sexual violence as a normative sexual script.

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Growing Up in a Pornified Culture | Gail Dines | TEDxNavesink

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2. Sexual Assault and Sexual Violence in Ireland

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2. Sexual Assault and Sexual Violence in Ireland

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This poster highlights the myth that if a female dresses a certain way, she is to blame if she is sexually assaulted, and it invites the audience not to judge her in this way.

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An ad run by the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board suggests that not saying no when unconscious leads to rape or that the victim's lack of control (drinking too much) causes rape - very clear victim blaming. The choice of image is also extremely insensitive as it could be triggering for sexual violence survivors (Stampler, 2013).

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Accepting gender stereotypes and patriarchal values can foster beliefs that perpetuate rape myths. Burt (1980, p. 217) defines rape myths as “prejudicial, stereotyped, or false beliefs about rape, rape victims, and rapists.” They are reflective of white, patriarchal, middle-class, heteronormative values (MacKenzie, 2022), and they function to justify sexual violence against women and men who display subordinate masculinity. It is suggested that some women subscribe to rape myths to feel more in control, that they can avoid rape by modifying their behaviour and avoiding certain situations (Maiorano, 2018). Theories regarding sexual aggression and victimisation have placed greater emphasis on the role of rape myths in perpetuating instances of sexual assault (Lonsway and Fitzgerald, 1994). The Law Reform Commission (2018) in Ireland highlight that in rape trials, jurors occasionally rely on rape myths and sexist stereotypes when assessing the grounds for a belief in consent in cases of sexual assault. The use of victim-survivor clothing in a rape trial as evidence of consent is a hideous example of the prevalence of rape myths within the Irish justice system. Rape myths discourage victims from reporting to the police; they impact how rape cases are tried in the justice system; they impede the quality of justice for survivors, and they contribute to upholding the sociocultural conditions that increase the likelihood of rape by reinforcing misogynistic beliefs about gender roles, which perpetuate rape culture (Hayes, 2024; Javaid, 2018).

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Sexual scripts are cultural, interpersonal, and intrapsychic scenarios that serve as a guide on how to behave and respond in sexual situations (Simon and Gagnon, 1986). Society instructs when, where and with whom to have sex and attaches meaning to it. Scripts name the social actors, their qualities, motives, and behaviours, such as the “lad”, “womaniser", "wimp", “slut", and “virgin”. However, the hegemonic language surrounding sex and relationships often overlooks the perspectives and realities of individuals from marginalised sexual communities, leading them to diverge from dominant (traditional gender-based sex roles with heteronormative rules) scripts (Rittenhour and Sauder, 2024). For example, the kink script diverges from dominant scripts by explicitly acknowledging and negotiating power dynamics, sometimes reversing gender hierarchies, and openly endorsing the negotiation of sexual consent (Rittenhour and Sauder, 2024).

Mass media perpetuate mostly heterosexual scripts within societies. Media depictions that objectify women and present them as submissive or as objects of male desire can offer a script for women to imitate while also reinforcing men’s perceptions that such representations reflect reality (Kim et al., 2007). Depictions of female powerlessness further solidify the heterosexual script that women yield limited power or sexual agency (Kim et al., 2007). Once integrated into one’s sexual script, they shape and inform expectations around sexual behaviour and sexual consent (Simon and Gagnon, 1986). In TV, films, and pornography, explicit verbal consent is seldom depicted, perpetuating the notion that explicit verbal consent is not the norm and that sexual activity can occur without ongoing consent (Malachi et al., 2020; Willis et al., 2020). Research with US college students found that exposure to dominant heterosexual scripts in men’s magazines correlated significantly with decreased intentions to seek sexual consent and adhere to sexual consent; alternatively, reading women’s magazines correlated with stronger inclinations to decline unwelcome sexual advances (Hust et al., 2014). In many cases, gendered sexual scripts expect women to be submissive gatekeepers of sexual consent and dictate that men should initiate sex, be dominant and sexually aggressive (Hust et al., 2017; Jozkowski and Peterson, 2013). These “heteronormative sexual scripts…are employed in ways that perpetuate rape myths that absolve perpetrators and blame victims” (Cullen et al., 2023, p. 1559).

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The news headlines and results of the Sexual Violence Survey 2022 (section 2) paint a harrowing picture of sexual violence in Ireland, particularly for women, bisexuals, and lesbian/gay people. The overwhelming majority of sexual violence perpetrators were male. These findings raise significant concerns about how we (particularly men) are being taught in Ireland to behave in sexual interactions and how we negotiate sexual consent. But what is consent? Is it explicitly verbally asking or saying “yes” or “no”, implying it with physical touch or the removal of clothing? Hickman and Muehlenhard (1999, p. 259) define sexual consent as “The freely given verbal or non-verbal communication of a feeling of willingness to engage in sexual activity.” Freely given meaning without manipulation, coercion, under the influence of alcohol or drugs, under threat or force. Consent should always be based on mutual agreement that is explicit, affirmative and enthusiastic on behalf of all parties.

The legal meaning of consent varies from country to country. In 2017, Ireland introduced a legal definition of consent (Irish Statute Book, 2017, Section 48), which includes circumstances where a sexual act is considered non-consensual, such as being asleep or unconscious. Sexual acts that occur without consent constitute a sexual assault or rape. In Ireland, rape is a gendered offence which can only be committed by a male; sexual assault is considered gender-neutral (Maiorano, 2018). In recent years, multiple consent campaigns and programmes have been created supported by funding from the Irish government to help combat sexual and gender-based violence, and it remains to be seen what impact they will have on the high level of sexual violence in Ireland.

Sexual consent programmes and campaigns often view consent as a tool to prevent sexual violence and foster ethical sexual behaviour (Beres, 2020), and consent education has demonstrated the potential to enhance understanding and attitudes regarding consent (Horvick and Silver, 2019); however, “there is little to no evidence that it reduces sexual violence” (Jeffrey, 2022). Recognising various forms of consent, whether verbal or non-verbal, fails to fully address how gender inequality influences sexual decision-making and negotiation in a culture characterised by hyper-individualisation and hyper-sexualisation (Muehlenhard et al., 2016). Consent education needs to account for power dynamics and cultural influences that form the context of our sexual desires and our capacity to navigate individual experiences of un/wanted and non/consensual sex (Beres, 2020; Jeffrey, 2022). Negotiating sexual consent is more complicated and nuanced than any legal definition. When analysing sexual consent, sexual scripts play a crucial role as they delineate cultural norms and expected behaviours (Jozkowski and Peterson, 2013).

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In a survey carried out by Dublin Rape Crisis Centre (2024a), 1/5 of male participants agreed with the above statement. Ignorance about what consent is is symptomatic of rape culture. Any sex without consent is rape.

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In a survey carried out by Dublin Rape Crisis Centre (2024a), 1/5 of male participants agreed with the above statement. This speaks to the notion of token resistance in sexual scripts.

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American Apparel clothing company - objectifies women and depicts them as submissive, open to the male gaze and open for sex. A toxic patriarchal view of female sexuality.

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In the realm of sexual discourse in the Global North, ‘consent’ has integrated deeply into the vernacular. Sexual consent as the antithesis of sexual assault and rape remain sensitive and highly charged issues worldwide, as evident with the global reach of the #MeToo movement. Ireland has seen a rise in activism in recent years with movements such as #IBelieveHer and #ThisIsNotConsent as a result of public outrage at how rape victims are treated in the justice system. These high-profile rape cases sparked public conversations about consensual sex; how can one person believe a sexual encounter is consensual when the other believes it is rape? How we talk about and experience sex and sexuality is tightly bound to culture (Levand, 2019). What is our current culture teaching us about sex, sexuality and sexual consent? This presentation will look at sexual consent and sexual violence from an Irish perspective and explore the power dynamics and sociocultural influences within sexual scripts, rape myths, and rape culture.

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This is an excerpt from a study conducted by O'Connor (2017), which examined the complexity of concepts such as choice, agency, and consent with sex workers and sex trafficked women in Ireland. Women described buyers as showing them no compassion, treating them as objects of sexual gratification, and sometimes feeling that they do not even see them as human. Most women recounted instances where negotiated and agreed-upon actions were disregarded, initial consent was overlooked, and boundaries were intentionally violated by clients, often involving extreme violence or the risk of violence.

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A campaign tackling rape, sexual assault and harassment directly targeting men and misogynistic behaviour.

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‘Don’t be that guy’: ‘Powerful’ anti-sexual violence video targets men

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RTE News covering the results of the Sexual Violence Survey 2022. At minute 1.38, a male survivor of sexual violence is interviewed. He talks about the importance of changing our culture so that men can talk about vulnerability and sexual assault.

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Four in ten adults experienced sexual violence over their lifetime - CSO

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These are examples from TV shows and movies - Steven Universe, Thelma and Louise, Frozen, The Philadelphia Story, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer that portray different ways to ask for and give consent.

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Pop culture often promotes some lousy ideas about consent.

Persistence and not taking no for an answer are portrayed as romantic. Rape and sexual assault are excused because the victim " wanted it." Lying and manipulating people into bed, and having sex with people too drunk to consent, are offered as light, prime-time humor. Rape victims stay friends and lovers with their rapists, with rape being trivialized and even denied.

But pop culture does have its moments. Whether it's because the creators were thinking consciously about consent or simply had good values, here are five times pop culture got consent right.

(Spoilers for Steven Universe, Thelma and Louise, Frozen, The Philadelphia Story, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer.)

1. Steven and Connie, Steven Universe

In " Alone Together," Steven and Connie fuse (a magical process where two beings fuse into one, usually temporarily). And when they fuse into Stevonnie, they do something rarely seen in pop culture.
They don't just check in at the beginning of their encounter. They continue to check in.
The fusion is a surprise to them both - to everyone, in fact, since nobody had imagined it would be physically possible. It's both fun and scary, exciting and disconcerting. And after they've been playing with their new body for a while (running, swimming, and eating doughnuts - yeah, that sounds about right), they touch base: "Are you okay? We can stop if you... No. Don't worry."
When it starts getting seriously uncomfortable, they check in again, talk through how they're feeling, and when a stranger intrudes on them and things get even scarier, they break off the fusion. It's an amazing example of ongoing, active consent.
Too often, our culture assumes that when you've consented to something once, you've consented to it forever. But that's crap. It's always important to get clear consent, and we always have the right to say no, to people we've said yes to before, to experiences we've said yes to before, at any time.
We have the right to change our minds, and to stop doing things we aren't enjoying.
And with new partners, new experiences, or both, it's a really good idea to periodically check in and make sure everyone's still happy.

Steven and Connie - Stevonnie - clearly followed the advice of Garnet, Steven's mentor and mother figure, when she finds out they've fused: "You are an experience. Make sure you're a good experience."

2. Thelma and JD, Thelma and Louise

There's a moment in Thelma and Louise, when Thelma and JD (Geena Davis and Brad Pitt) are starting to have sex. They've been having a grand time together in her motel room, giggling and romping, horsing around and making out.

But when he moves things forward, gently sliding her onto her back and kissing her belly, Thelma suddenly stops and says, "Wait. Wait." And JD immediately takes his mouth off her, takes his hands off her, backs away from her, and waits. He says nothing, does nothing, until she reaches out to him to show she's ready to start again.
It's one of the hottest, sexiest moments in the history of pop culture sex. It's a moment that lets her know she can go ahead with the wild romping, because nothing will happen that she doesn't want.
Being careful about getting consent is often seen as an unsexy buzzkill. It's a baffling idea for a lot of reasons, including all the ways that clear consent makes sex better. It makes people feel more open, more relaxed, more trusting, more comfortable in their skin, more willing to try freaky new things. That's not the most important reason for it, of course - not raping people is the most important reason - but it's one reason, and it's real.

3. Anna and Kristoff, Frozen

"I could kiss you! I could. I mean, I'd like to. I. May I? We me? I mean, may we? Wait, what?" (Smile.) "We may."

Hell yes. Ask before you kiss someone. (Or touch them, or dance with them, or hug them.) It's a frustratingly common trope in pop culture that impulsively grabbing someone and kissing them is romantic, a sign of true love and passion. But it's a lousy model for consent, especially with someone you've never kissed before.

If you know someone well and have kissed them a lot, you can probably read their body language pretty well, but if you just grab someone you've never kissed before, you're not giving them room to say "No," or "Maybe," or "Not now but maybe later," or "Can I think about it?" You're forcing them into a position where they have to decide right that second, while your lips are on their body.
If you're thinking that asking first is awkward, unsexy, clinical, or unromantic, ask yourself, why is that?
Why does our culture think it's weird to talk about physical intimacy and make sure it's consented to? Why is it seen as graceful, sexy, passionate, and romantic to grab someone and kiss them when you aren't sure they'd like it?

Asking before a kiss can be sweet, intense, and a great way to show that you care about the other person's pleasure. This kiss in Frozen is a beautiful example.

4. Oz and Willow, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

There are lots of things to like about Oz and Willow's sexual courtship. It's moved forward by both of them, with each initiating intimacy at different times. It breaks with gender stereotypes by having Willow be the one who's generally more eager for kissing and sex, and Oz being the one who wants to take things slow.

But one of the best things about their courtship is that it's so verbal. When Willow makes her first pass at him (in "Innocence"), she says, "Do you want to make out with me? They have a conversation about how he's interested, but doesn't want to just yet.

When she wants to let him know she's ready and eager for sex ("Amends"), she uses non-verbal cues, but they also talk about it: He lets her know he's interested, but isn't ready, and while she's disappointed, she respects his decision. They even have a hilarious meta-conversation (in "Surprise") before they start dating, in which they discuss the fact that he's going to ask her out.

Their relationship does look different when you know that Willow is a lesbian (or possibly bisexual). Their breakup is a disaster, of course. And Oz does lose a few points for his one use of the Impulsive Grab-and-Kiss in Graduation Day, Part 1 (see #3 above).

But even then, they talk (briefly) about what they're doing before they move forward. And they'd been dating for a while at that point, and she'd made her interest in him clear, so it's not unreasonable to think he was able to read her body language. Their courtship isn't perfect, but I'm going to give it a solid eight points out of ten.

5. Tracy and Mike, The Philadelphia Story

Even in 1940, some movie writers were getting it right.

In this classic romantic comedy, Tracy (Katharine Hepburn) is confused and uncertain about her impending wedding to George, and gets very drunk with Mike (Jimmy Stewart). They go for a nighttime swim, kiss twice, and he puts her to bed and leaves her there. Alone.

Afterward, when Tracy asks him why nothing happened between them ("Why? Was I so unattractive, so distant, so forbidding?")
He replies, "You were extremely attractive, and as for distant and forbidding, on the contrary. But you also were a little the worse - or the better - for wine, and there are rules about that."
Even in 1940, people knew that. You don't have sex with people who are so drunk that their judgment is seriously impaired. You certainly don't have sex with people who are barely conscious. It's sad that more than 75 years later, this should still be controversial.

I'm not going to call this heroic. Not being a rapist isn't heroic; it's a baseline for decent behavior. But it is a good model of consent.

And importantly, Mike doesn't shame Tracy for getting drunk, or for getting wild and loose. He describes their escapade as one "which I thoroughly enjoyed, and the memory of which I wouldn't part with for anything."

Dishonorable Mention: Xander, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

When good models of pop culture consent are discussed, Xander Harris' name often comes up. After all, in the " Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered " episode, when Buffy is under a love spell and comes on to him, he refuses her, even though he's had an intense, unrequited crush on her for some time.

But this overlooks two things. One: The entire reason Buffy was supernaturally hot for Xander was that he's the one who did the love spell, a spell on Cordelia that misfired. Casting a love spell - forcing someone to desire you against their wishes - isn't exactly a model of great consent.

Casting a love spell, and then refusing the sex that's offered as a result, is like putting roofies in someone's drink and then changing your mind at the last minute. In this case, it's like putting roofies in someone's drink and then changing your mind because the wrong person drank it.
The other problem is that Xander's entire attitude toward Buffy, for years, was one of entitlement.
When Buffy rejected him, he reacted by getting hostile and sex-shaming her about Angel, the guy she really likes. Long after Buffy rejected him, he continued to hit on her and sex-shame her about sleeping with Angel.

He held a grudge for years against Angel, and even neglected to give Buffy crucial information that might have helped her save his life. And he complained for years about how Buffy only liked bad boys instead of nice guys like him, and took it upon himself more than once to critique her choices in men.

He's a classic nice guy - a guy who thinks he's nice and therefore deserves sexual attention from women. So no consent cookies for Xander Harris.

***

You may have noticed that in some of these examples, the encounter ends with no encounter. No sex, no kiss. Being careful about consent sometimes means not having sex you might otherwise have had. Think for a moment about what that implies. When you're not careful about consent, you're taking a real chance that some of the sex you're having isn't consensual.

I'm going to assume that nobody reading this wants that. If that's true, a good way to start is to pay attention to what your culture has taught you about consent and think about which messages you want to burn in a fire, and which ones you want to embrace.

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5 Amazing Love Scenes Where Pop Culture Got Consent Exactly Right - Everyday Feminism

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Pop culture often promotes some lousy ideas about consent. Persistence and not taking no for an answer are portrayed as romantic. Rape and sexual assault are excused because the victim " wanted it." Lying and manipulating people into bed, and having sex with people too drunk to consent, are offered as light, prime-time humor.

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Sexual Assault of Transgender Sex Workers

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Sexual Assault of Transgender Sex Workers

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This article details the violent attack on 2 transgender sex workers who were sexually assaulted in May 2017.

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Man jailed for violent attacks on transgender sex workers in their homes | BreakingNews.ie

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A former schools rugby player has been jailed for 10 years for violent attacks on transgender sex workers in their homes.

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Trans women highlight their exclusion from the #MeToo movement and address cis white female privilege. They talk about the intersections of systems of inequality they face and the fetishisation of trans women.

Transgender and gender non-conforming individuals have also been excluded from the conversation in Ireland as they are not represented in the Sexual Violence Survey 2022.

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Trans Women Open Up About Their #MeToo Sexual Assault Experiences | them.

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A great example of Disney getting it right and showing enthusiastic consent.

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Here, we see how romance is portrayed in multiple well-known Harrison Ford movies. This short film offers a great example of heterosexual scripts being played out on the big screen and highlights how problematic they are when it comes to sexual violence and consent. Ford's characters display aggression, sometimes violence, and predatory behaviour; he antagonises the female characters, ignores basic concepts of consent (uses coercion, doesn't take no for an answer), and ultimately forces himself on them. The female characters often react positively to his aggression, reinforcing the myth that women secretly want it, particularly when they have explicitly said no.

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Predatory Romance in Harrison Ford Movies

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Vogue - fetishising gender violence.

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Coca Cola - slut shaming.

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Rape Culture as Portrayed in Pop Culture

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Rape Culture as Portrayed in Pop Culture

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How Disney Portrays Heterosexual Romance

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How Disney Portrays Heterosexual Romance

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Classic romantic fairy tales perpetuate harmful gender stereotypes by promoting the idea of conforming to societal norms, reinforcing male dominance, and portraying women as submissive. These narratives inadvertently normalise violence and abuse in relationships and are indicative of rape culture.

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Rape culture in Disney movies: how my generation learned "consent"

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Peta - dehumanises and objectifies women, depicting them as meat - reducing them in the same way we reduce animals to their 'parts'.

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Calvin Klein - implied gang rape.

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Belvedere Vodka - making light of rape (forcing a woman to perform oral sex).

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Conversations in Television about Male Consent

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Conversations in Television about Male Consent

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An article in Variety highlighting how various TV shows have begun addressing the issue of male consent and how sexual assault can happen in many different ways.

“Just because someone is aroused, just because you are reading their body language, doesn’t mean that you don’t have to ask for consent…I think this is a fallacy that we have as a society that men can’t be assaulted if they were aroused" (Friedlander, 2021, para 9).

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From ‘A Teacher’ to ‘Shameless,’ the Conversation Around Male Consent Is Evolving on TV

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From ‘A Teacher’ to ‘Shameless,’ television is having an increasing conversation around the importance of male consent.

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“I fear stealthing suffers the same issue as many other kinds of sexual assault where people may not be aware that what has happened to them is assault or that they can pursue legal action when it does” (O’Beirne, 2022).

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This article tells the story of how a 17 year old girl was raped by a gang of 5 men in Tullamore on Stephen's Night 2016.

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The full story of the midlands rape trial: ‘There was one of me. There was five of them’

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`Are you looking for a lift home?’ She went over to the car. She got in. Split. Second. Decision

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'A Penny For Your Thoughts' - European Sex Trafficking Awareness Raising Project

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'A Penny For Your Thoughts' - European Sex Trafficking Awareness Raising Project

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Posters of a seductive silhouette of a woman accompanied by a phone number were posted throughout Dublin. Callers heard the voice of an Eastern European woman talking about a fun 'sensual' time, and then she reveals she is a victim of Ireland's sex trafficking trade. This video highlights how sex buyers perceived 'Andreea' primarily as a commodity or service, neglecting her humanity. 68% of callers who left a voice message still wanted to purchase sex services despite hearing that she was abused and trafficked. This campaign confronts the deeply rooted culture of male sexual entitlement within sex work.

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What Irish Sex Buyers Are Really Thinking

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Ireland Among Highest in Europe for Female Rape Victims 

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Ireland Among Highest in Europe for Female Rape Victims 

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In 2022, Ireland's number of female rape victims was almost three times higher than the EU country average.

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Female rape victims in Ireland almost treble that of EU counterparts

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Investigation by Noteworthy and European colleagues shows Ireland ranking among highest number of reported rapes in 2022.

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Key Findings of the Sexual Violence Survey 2022 (not inclusive of transgender or gender nonconforming participants)

The proportion of adults who experienced sexual violence in their lifetime was 40%, with higher levels for women (52%) compared with men (28%).

Bisexual and gay/lesbian people reported higher levels of sexual violence as an adult (55% and 40% respectively) than heterosexual/straight people (25%).

Four times more women (21%) than men (5%) reported experiencing non-consensual sexual intercourse over their lifetime.

One in ten women (10%) experienced non-consensual sexual intercourse as an adult when they were unable to give consent.

Almost one in five (17%) men aged 25-34 experienced non-consensual sexual touching as an adult.

The majority of adults (78%) who experienced sexual violence at least once in their lifetime knew the perpetrator, with very little difference between women (79%) and men (75%)

Overall, the majority of perpetrators were male. (84%) experienced sexual violence with a male partner and (87%) with a male non-partner.

Sexual violence as an adult is defined in this survey as a range of non-consensual experiences, from non-consensual sexual touching to non-consensual sexual intercourse.

(Central Statistics Office, 2023a)

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Overall Prevalence Sexual Violence Survey 2022 – Main Results - Central Statistics Office

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The Sexual Violence Survey 2022 – Main Results was published on 19 April 2023. Data within the publication were revised on 1 June 2023. These data revisions were due to a formatting issue. All content relating to the tables, including the text of the statistical release, Press Conference presentation and PxStat tables (data.cso.ie), now reflect the revised data.

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Does Ireland have a problem with sexual violence?

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Does Ireland have a problem with sexual violence?

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This is a video from the ‘No Excuses’ national awareness campaign on sexual harassment and sexual violence from 2019.

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"Stealth rape is the removal of or not using a condom during sex without a sexual partner’s consent" (Police Service of Northern Ireland, 2023, para. 3).

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Former police officer sentenced after NI’s first conviction for ‘stealth’ rape | PSNI

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Today, Friday 29th September, the Police Service of Northern Ireland has acknowledged the sentence handed down to a former police officer at Laganside Crown Court.

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1. Introduction

2. Sexual Assault and Sexual Violence in Ireland

3. Consent

4. Sexual Scripts

5. Rape Myths

6. Rape Culture

7. Conclusion

8. Bibliography

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The following written content and linked resources include the topics of consent, sexual violence, sexual assault, rape and sex trafficking and a discussion of the cultures that surround them.

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This ad is part of the 'Serious Consequences' campaign highlighting that it is now a criminal offence in Ireland to threaten to share intimate images of someone without their consent as a result of Coco's Law.

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Intimate Image Abuse - Serious Consequences

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This is an online consent resource hub for students, educators, parents and care givers operated by University of Galway with Irish government support.

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This consent video seems to be targeting the 16 - 21 demographic and is inclusive of different relationships, genders, and sexualities.

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Consent is for Everyone - Active* Consent

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The ‘Let’s Have the Consent Conversation’ campaign aims to get people talking and thinking about sexual consent and normalising it as a foundation for a healthy sexual relationship.

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In 2023/24, the Irish government provided funding to roll out Ireland's first national sexual consent campaign to the general public and consent programs within secondary and higher education facilities as part of a government strategy to tackle domestic, sexual and gender-based violence.

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A national three-year consent campaign that aims to drive a behavioural change about sexual consent is being rolled out this morning.

The campaign is led by the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre (DRCC) and Community Foundation Ireland and is supported by the Department of Justice.

We-Consent is designed to tackle the issue of what sexual consent is and how it is given.

Community Foundation Ireland chief executive Denise Charlton said there is a "huge lack of understanding" around the issue and that We-Consent represents a "long overdue conversation on sex and relationships".

The We-Consent campaign will run for the next three years with workshops and communication initiatives planned nationally to help inform and engage the population.Information will be provided with the aim of informing open, inclusive and progressive conversations.

Research done by DRCC found 70 per cent of people think we have a problem with consent in Ireland, while one in three people are embarrassed to talk about sex.

[ Everything you want to know about consent but were afraid to ask ]

The research also showed a misunderstanding of consent, with one in five people agreeing that sometimes people say no to sex when they want convincing.

According to the same research, 84 per cent of people in Ireland agreed that we need age-appropriate sex education in school, and 60 per cent say consent is a responsibility for all society and needs State action.

The qualitative research found a strong desire among parents to empower their children when it comes to consent.

The research also suggested that moving the conversation towards sexual equality will empower both men and women, leaving people feeling valued, respected and accepted.

DRCC chief executive Noeline Blackwell said the aim of the campaign is toemphasise the positive values of consent that in turn can help reduce the levels of sexual violence.

"We believe a greater understanding of consent will make our society more equal, happier and healthier - as well as safer," she added.

"Every one of us has capacity to learn more and do more when it comes to consent and this campaign will need every one of us to come on board to create a real shift in our society - not only for the next generation, but also for here and now.

"We believe this campaign will spark long overdue conversations about the kind of values we want to define us and the meaning of equality within our culture - Ireland is ready for these conversations," she said.

Minister for Justice Simon Harris said it was time to "talk honestly and openly about consent, sex and relationships.

He added: "We all have a role to play in this national conversation, regardless of age, gender, sexuality or relationship status. This campaign adds to the work that Government is doing in our Zero Tolerance Strategy on domestic, sexual and gender-based violence to achieve a society which does not accept these crimes or the attitudes which underpin them."

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First national sexual consent campaign to be rolled out

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Three-year We-Consent campaign aims to tackle the issue of consent and how it is given

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We-Consent is a research-based sexual consent campaign led by the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre and supported by the Department of Justice.

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We Consent. All people, all situations, all relationships.

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We-Consent is a new national programme to promote and enable better understanding and practice of consent.