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Evan’s 2 stars and a wish on your story task

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Evan’s 2 stars and a wish on your story task

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your piece was exceptional. You did so well on using figurative language and similies, metaphors, and other types of figurative language. They way you had so many inner thoughts and it explained her emotion and thought process was great. It really helped me image me in margots shoes. Although you had a little of punctuation mess ups. Other than those tiny errors your piece was phenomenal

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Hey Juliana! A strength in your narrative was making the reader interested every time..with Cece in the closet and then finding a way out of the closet was really creative. It was a pleasure to read. Another strength in your narrative was your inner thoughts. They went really well with what she was thinking and they just fit so well. A wish is that you described what CeCe looked like. This is for the reader to envision her and her clothes,features etc. I'm not sure if I missed it and you did do that but this is all I can think of because your narrative is absolutely amazing! Keep up the amazing work!

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Something I loved about your narrative was the complete plot twist when Margo found another person in the closet with her. I thought that was completely genius and never saw it coming. I also liked how you added an older brother for William. Another strength of your narrative “The Shining Sun,” was how much figurative language you included in the story. Some of my personal favorites include quotes like “…like I was a beanbag when somebody is playing corn hole,” or “…leaving me lonely, like a singular crayon in a crayon box.” One small wish however, is that maybe you could include a little more personality to the teacher to better give an understanding of how she acts. Other than that I thought your narrative was extremely well written and an amazing piece!

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Hi Juliana! A strength of your essay, “ Schools Un-uniformed”, is that you stated all your points very clearly in each body paragraph. As I saw in your 1st paragraph you not only explained how students have a lack of self expression, but you also explained why but also you put research into the reason. Also I really liked that your warrant strongly supported your claim and it made me really see why uniforms diminish self expression. Your piece was very good but a wish was that you elaborated on your sum up I feels like it was a little too plain for that paragraph

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Hi Juliana,
I absolutely LOVED your writing. One thing I would improve on is your setting. I think that if you explained the theme park you were visiting it might give a better sense of the reader. Two strengths of your writing are: A) describing something more than it is. "Going to happen on the yellow coaster. The yellow monster." That helped me get a sense of the coaster and how terrifying it must have been for you. Another strength is how many quotes and how powerful they are. They really get to the point and I or anyone that reads your piece can learn loads from it! Great job!
- Stanley, Team 6B

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I really like all the descriptive words you added to you writing piece it made your sentence more understanding and kept the reader entertained.I also like how your inner thoughts were vibrant and very information all on how you felt at the moment.I do wish that you added some of the descriptive word to your ending but it was a good piece overall.

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A strength in your memoir was your description. you described everything so perfectly I could almost envision being there with you. a sentence that really stood out to me was “The ride whirled as the carts plummeted down onto the top of the disgustingly brown lake below the thin, bright yellow tracks” it was perfectly written and I could definitely imagine everything going on. Another strength is your figurative language. you used everything so beautifully! I wish we saw more about your emotions/how you felt before going on, like when you walked up to the ride! Overall your piece was wonderful to read, keep up the really amazing work!

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Incredible writing. The strongest part of your piece in my opinion was definitely the ending. You told the lesson you learned straight forward, so I really understood how proud you felt of yourself and how you faced the fear.

After the ending you added quotes, which I found very unique and they related to your ending which I loved. It proves you really put time into this writing, especially because you looked up quotes for the ending.

I would like to know more about the nerves you felt before the ride. It would be nice to understand. Were you like, YEAH THETS DO THIS! Or where you very nervous from the start. Plus how your family acted?

Overall, Great Memoir! :)

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A strength in your memoir would be describing the setting. Specifically when you said “Cocoa brown trunks held up leaves that looked brand new.” In addition I think the inner thoughts you were having helped the reader get a bigger picture. The only suggestion I have is to be more clear. For example, describe your brother. I think it will help the reader paint a better picture in their heads.

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Something I loved in your writing piece was the greeting. It really welcomed me to your story. Another thing I found spectacular was your word choice. I loved how you used “whisking away at a new dessert”. One thing you could’ve maybe done was correct your grammar mistakes. I found a few misspelled words so maybe you could’ve re-read it a few times. Other than that I found your writing amazing!

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Something that I really enjoyed about your About Me piece is your greeting. I think it is really cool how you did the blast off thing. It really got me intrigued. I liked how you counted down. It was really fun and welcoming at the same time! I also really liked how much detail you put in especially when you were talking about your mom’s cooking. I liked how you described what she makes. I also liked how you added a lot of detail when you were talking about your family, your dog, and how you love baking! A suggestion I would make is to maybe elaborate more on your dislikes. You just listed them. Maybe you could describe them more and why you don’t like them. Other than that, I really liked your piece. Great job! 👏

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I really enjoy how you made it like we were in a rocket ship. You did a good job tying it back to the end. I really like how you said “once-in-a-lifetime trip through the galaxy of my writing.” I also like how you put all likes together. You didn’t say a like then jump to something else. You put all your things about the same topic together. I wish that you elaborated on why you didn’t like things. Maybe you could write something like I don’t like jelly with peanut butter sandwiches because I don’t like the textures together.

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Hey Jules, how are you?! I was just reading your Capital Collection of Communication and it was amazing. I really like your first and last line. Your first line was very creative and intrigued me to read more. Plus your last line made me wish you had writings so I can read them now. I also love transitioning all of your work. Like this line you quoted “In addition,  I spend a ginormous amount of time playing with my Golden Retriever etc”. Some of the people I have read did not have transitions like you did. I would definitely approve of reading this site and writings you  have. Though I have one tiny request. You don't have details and you simply just listed what you like. Here is an example from your about me; “You may also catch me playing with my siblings or watching them play sports.”. See how this line is not detailed, you simply just said you may catch me playing with my siblings. Why do you? What do you play? What type of sports do you watch that your siblings play? If you can add more details to your writings it can be easier to follow and more fun to read. Other than that it is amazing! Keep the hard work!

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One immediate strength that I saw in your writing was your beginning. “Welcome to my rocket ship of writing pieces! Get ready to blast off into a whole new world of writing. 5…4…3…2…1…Blast off!” I think that that really drew me, and other readers in to rad more. Another strength I saw was some of your description. For example “ I spend a ginormous amount of time playing with my golden retriever playing judge.” Or “Enjoying my mom's basil -Parmesan topped salmon.” I think you did a really good job describing even the little details. The one wish that I have is that you would describe your dislikes a little more. The rest of your work is so amazing, I would love to know more about that.

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One thing I really like about your writing is how descriptive you were, especially when you talked about all the things you like to do in your free time. A good example of that would definitely be when you described the desserts you loved to bake! It really helped me to get to know you better! Another thing I really enjoyed was how you started your about me. The “5..4..3..2..1.. Blast off!” Was a great way to start your about me because it definitely hooked me in, and it will definitely hook other readers in too! One suggestion I could make would be to go more into detail about your personal goals. I think it would help readers learn even more about you. Great job!