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Heelo, child (Gianna)! I loved your narrative, “Endymion Winter,” and it's amazing concept. Firstly, the general story plot was just phenomenal. Spring’s character was very jumpy and bouncy, so I could tell where he got that name from. It was also cool to see Blake’s curious personality change. To continue, I like the way you incorporate dragons in your story, and the magic overall. A suggestion I can offer is to express the characters better. For example, there were some parts where I didn’t really understand why Spring was doing what she was doing, and her backstory. It would be nice to see some more “oomph” to get a better understanding of the characters. Other than that, you did amah-zing! Can’t wait for you to read my story!

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Hi, Gianna! A strength of your writing piece, “Arts in Academics,” is your introduction paragraph. I absolutely adore the scenario there, and it was a good section of your essay. I liked when you said, “This writing piece is a benchmark, and I only wrote 6 measly sentences.” It was understandable, and I really liked some of your sentences. I also learned a lot about what art can do to a person’s life. Impressed as I was, it was also interesting how you can get into a high achieving path in high school. A suggestion I have for you is to expand more on certain sentences. I noticed that you didn’t necessarily explain how you can get into broadway from the arts. Otherwise, your essay was a well written piece and provides a strong claim.

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Hi Gianna! A strength of your essay, “Arts In Academics” is the way you wrote your questions. They are unbelievably incredible questions you have at the end of your introduction. I absolutely love the question that says “…Will this girl’s creativity come to her?…” This question stood out because the word choice was awesome. Nice job writing your questions! Another strength of your essay is the transition words you added into your piece. You incorporated a lot of nice smooth transition words that just flow in each sentence. My favorite transition word you used was in your introduction thesis statement when you said “undoubtedly,…” I thought that using that transition word was an amazing way to begin your thesis statement to rap up your introduction, and state your 3 reasons. However, a suggestion I can offer for improvement is to expand more on your anecdote in your introduction, and to be more descriptive. I felt like your introduction was a little brief, and that you could have incorporated more sensory detail into your anecdote. Overall, incredible job writing your essay. You should be really proud of yourself.

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Gianna! My best friend! Your persuasive essay was powerful! It really moves people. My favorite part was the introduction paragraph because it was extremely powerful! I was already glued to the essay, excited about what will come next! In addition, your conclusion paragraph really puts the persuasive in persuasive. Well written! Although, Might i suggest you increase the Hook because i wasn’t really sure of the setting, time, grade, etc. I recommend painting the background like the weather, the grade she’s in, the sounds around her besides the clacking.

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Your immense amount of description excited me. Your memoir was amazing, and I could definitely picture myself watching you in person. I adored your thoughts and onomatopoeia and I just loved the moral. I like how you only said where you were going at the end of the story. That was interesting to think about, because I knew I had to keep reading so that I could find out what you were doing and what event occurred at that time. Thoughtfully, I felt as if I could connect because I was kind of nervous on the first day of school too. I was happy when I found out we were both really worried about how the year would go. However, I do have a small suggestion for you. Maybe you could tell us how you were seeing things at that particular moment so that Ican understand your story better. But other than that, I loved everything about your memoir.

Hope you enjoyed my memoir!

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a strength in your memoir was some of your figurative language! specifically “Suddenly my brain filled with doubt like a bucket filling with water” it was a great idea to connect those things! Another sentence I loved was “The wide open door was ready to eat me until 2:42” I really enjoyed reading that sentence! Another amazing strength was your ending. It made so much sense and I really understood what you felt after you figured your lesson out. I wish you included more inner thoughts and more description to it so the reader can feel like they’re in you’re mind better. Other than that overall you did an amazing job! keep up the wonderful work!

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One thing I really liked about your memoir is how you showed not telled. Right when I started reading your first paragraph I automatically knew it was raining but you didn’t say “It was raining.” I really liked how you said, “The wipers reluctantly tried to keep the raindrops off.” I can really imagine sitting in the car watching the wind shield wipers. Another thing I liked was your inner thoughts. I liked how you put a lot of them in and it helped me better understand what you were thinking. I like how you said “Why couldn't it be a bright sunny day like a few days ago.” It really helped the readers know that you were annoyed and upset because of the rain. A wish for your memoir is that maybe you could have added more detail to your lesson learned. It was kind of just out of nowhere so maybe you could have added why you thought it was going to be a good day. If you just had good intentions at the moment then that’s cool. I really enjoyed reading your memoir, Gianna! Great job!

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Something that I think you did really well with your beginning. I really enjoyed how you started with: “Plink, plink, plink, raindrops splashed onto the windshield. The wipers reluctantly tried to keep the raindrops off. Vroom, vroom, cars drove by noisily. I hugged my backpack like a young child hugging a stuffed animal.” Your beginning was not only descriptive, but it hooked the reader into your memoir. Another thing that you did good on is you exquisite language choice. The word, labyrinth really stood out to me when I was reading your memoir. You describes the scene so well that the reader was able to use context clues to make an inference on what the definition is. Good job on this! Something that I wish you could have done a little bit better is giving the reader more inner thoughts and a bigger description on how you felt. More inner thoughts would help the reader “get into your mind”.

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I loved your memoir. I enjoyed your inner thoughts. I also enjoyed your figurative language. One thing you could’ve fixed was your grammar.

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Something I really enjoyed in your piece was your ending. I loved how you said: “If I could start the first day with 5th grade online I could start the first day of 6th grade in person.” That makes a beautiful ending. Nice job! Another thing I enjoyed was how you described so much about what was happening during the moment. You really described how the rain poured on the car windows as you were driving to school. Awesome job with that! you have awesome stars, but something I wish you included in your piece is what the car looked like. And maybe how the car seat felt as you drove to school, just to give a little more detail.

Besides that, awesome job with your memoir!

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your “about me” piece was amazing!!!!! I really enjoyed reading it. Something I really loved as I was reading it is how you talked about animals and how you don’t want them to go extinct. I feel like what you said was really important and stood out to me. Awesome job with that! Another thing I liked in your writing was how you talked about what you do on your free time and how it was arts and crafts. I sometimes do it in my free time too, so I can relate on how much fun they can be to make/create. Something you could add is transition words like (then, next, also, etc.) the reason I’m saying this is because when you finished talking about something, you jumped right into talking about something else, and I think a few transition words would jazz up your writing a little bit more. Besides that, it's an amazing writing piece to start off. Well done

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Hey Giana I just read your wonderful about me in Gianna's forest of fantasies and I love it! I really love how you go into detail about your likes. It made me know you better. I did not know you like graphic novels! Speaking of that, it was my favorite example since you went into so much dealtil about it. Like how you read them a lot and you like them because of the pictures since you can see the characters.  I also love transitioning all of your work. These made it very easy to follow your writing. You wrote what you like/dislike and went into detail why you don’t and then transitioned into something else. I really loved that and I felt that it was perfect like that. Some of the people I have read did not have transitions like you did. I would definitely approve of reading this site and writings you  have. Though I do have one tiny request your writing was a bit hard to follow since you changed the color of the text similar to the background. Sometimes I had to squint to see what you wrote and that was frustrating. Though other than that is really good, keep up the hard work!

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Your about me was awesome and so fun to read. But I do have a suggestion for you. I think that you should use an online thesaurus for other words for I. I’m saying this because you started a lot of your sentences with I.

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It is great that you included stronger word choices, and that you don’t use the same words over again. It is amazing how you want to grow up to help endangered animals. That is amazing and I would love to hear more about it. I like how you added your hobbies and how you like pandas. I know a lot of people can agree! Your backgrounds were amazing. However, I absolutely loved it when you talked about your dislikes because that was so funny. I also liked that you described what you didn’t like. That made me picture it in my head. A suggestion I wanted to mention to you was about where you put the topics. In some places, you started a sentence with a new subject. I am just wondering if it would look better by not going to another topic.

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Something I thought was good in your “About Me” piece was how you really went into detail about each thing you mentioned. Rather than just telling the reader your likes and dislikes you gave them many reasons why. Another thing I enjoyed was your title. I love how you connected it to your love for animals. I also loved how creative it was. A suggestion I could add is maybe to use less “I’s”. I found that in your piece you used the word “I” a lot. Maybe you could replace some of the  “I’s” with some better word choice.