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Nowadays,  people rely on the phone so much.  Dont know how to go to a specific location?  Dont know where to eat the best desserts around the area?  Take out your phone and search on it.  We rely on this precious device so much, i cant even imagine living life without it.

-coco

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Have you ever parted with your phones? Phones play such an important role in modern society as it helps bridge social gaps between one another, something past technologies could never have done. As phones are much smaller than our computers, laptops and tablets for the internet, yet much faster than pen and paper for taking down notes and sending mails, phones have become one of the most essentials to not just teenagers, but to many adults too. If having a phone meant having the knowledge of anything, from the latest juicy news to ‘what to cook for dinner’ cooking recipes, with just a click of an app, why not have it? So convenient! With everyone relying on the convenience phones have brought, it is definitely not surprising that ‘We cannot do without mobile phones today.’

Elva Ng (03)

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Use of instructions and rhetorical question

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Use of instructions and rhetorical question

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Take out your mobile phone, pass it to your mother, and not use it for the rest of the day. How many teenagers do you think can survive the day? They will be extremely bored, deprived of the joyful addictive activities that their valuable mobile phones once provided. Are mobile phones that addictive? Can we really not live without it?
Well, it is not impossible to live without it, therefore, we can do without mobile phones today.

- Josie

Comments by Shruthi-
Stand is stated clearly. The instruction introduction is well used. Rhetorical questions are also stated well. Each of the sentence is also linked well.
However more description as to why teenagers can’t live with a phone can also be given, so that the reader can get a rough idea:)

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Use of Instructions, Universal Experience and Rhetorical Question

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Use of Instructions, Universal Experience and Rhetorical Question

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Firstly, whip out your mobile phone from your pocket. Secondly, just simply slide the screen and start using it. We all can agree that they are very convenient and allows the users to have easy access to the apps while having different functions for daily uses.  Nowadays, most people of all ages, including teenagers and elderly are all dependent on their mobile phones. What would you do without it?

-Zheng Jie

Feedback from Deonne:
Maybe remove the firstly... and secondly... conjunctions. Good and short rhetorical qns! Relatable experience. Maybe elaborate more and give slightly more details?

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Does our lives revolve around mainly mobile phones?We tend to rely heavily on mobile phones for virtually any task, be it research,surfing the web or just simply searching up a word. Even technology have been infused into education systems and require students to go onto online platforms to complete homework. Mobile phones are mainly used for work, entertainment and communication. Although mobile phones ease our daily tasks, it can also have negative effects if misused.

-Yi Heng

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Are you getting stuck to your mobile phone today as technology advances? In the modern day, this situation is getting serious and out of hand as many people, especially youngsters had developed the habit of sticking to their phones rather than exploring the outside world and doing more meaningful acts. Personally, I disagree with the statement that 'We can't do without mobile phones today'. Humans in decades and centuries before had lived without technologies that are anywhere near the standard today but they  had lived their life just fine without many issues. People can definitely live without mobile phones. There are also so many activities to do other than being restricted to being phone related. However, some may argue that people are too dependent on mobile phones that it had became an essential and therefore humans cannot do without mobile phones today.

By Charles

comments by weyrong : good starting using rhetorical question and explained about why and why not will humans be able to live without their phones. Stated his stand as well.

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Nowadays technology has become so advanced and devices such as smartphones are created. Nowadays, teenagers are getting more liberated and they have access to the internet through these smartphone devices. Not only can teenagers use it as a social interacting platform, but we can also use it for educational purposes such as gaining information from online sources.

-Marcus

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Use of universal experience and statistics.

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Use of universal experience and statistics.

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Mobile phones are considered as a necessity nowadays. Its a powerful form of communication which allows us to not only express what we feel to others but also a form of entertainment. All of us have used our mobile phones to check social media or play games to keep ourselves occupied. Maybe even set up alarms to help us wake up earlier. In developed countries  Interestingly enough, based on some studies, some countries in the European region now have more mobile phones than people. Meaning, the actual number of handset subscriptions in that particular country was bigger than the actual number of people living in it. This shows that mobile are an essential part of our lives right now and mobile phones or technology with the power to give information about anything and everything is and will play a major part in our lives.

By Hafeez

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"Put your phones away this instant!" "No phones allowed at the dinner table!" Do you find this phrases familiar? I bet you do. If you take a bus to school, almost everyone on their bus have their eyes glued to their phones. Teenagers, adults and even elderlys are obsessed with technology. Handphones have become part of our lifes and we cannot live without it. Statistics show that the number of mobile phones users worldwide has been on the rise. In 2013, 4.01 billion people own a phone. then in 2014, it became 4.23billion, 2015--4.43. in 2018, there is 4.93 billions of phone users. Why are mobile phones on the rise ESPECIALLY amongst the teenagers then? Teachers in schools find it easier to communicate with students using apps such as 'edmodo' and 'WhatsApp'. In class, teachers frequently use 'kahoot' to revise lessons with students.

-rayanne

Comments from Yi Heng : there is no use of humor.If there is, make an effort to strengthen that aspect. Only examples from teenagers use of phones, maybe can add examples of how adults use the mobile phones for.

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Lets say you are in a library. You were reading a history book. You came across a weird word you have never seen before in your ten or more years of education.  There are dictionaries beside you. What do you do? You use your phone and search the meaning of that word. Nowadays, people are so attached to their phone, it is practically their life. Phones have brought us so much convenience and fun, and it has definitely became an indispensable part of our life.

By Wei Xuan

Feedback by Ashley:
I like how you used an example to show how reliant we are on our mobile phones. However, you can explain the reason why it has become an indispensable part of our lives.

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Use of rhetorical question, statistics and humour

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Use of rhetorical question, statistics and humour

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Why are we so attached? Well, to most people it is extremely important. In Singapore, almost 73.29% of our Singapore population uses smart phones and around 76% owns a handphone. And everywhere we go, we will definitely see at least 8 out of 10 people will their heads down looking at their screen. It's like being in a relationship but just not with a person. However this relationship will never end.

By Clar

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Starting with rhetorical question and startling statistics

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Starting with rhetorical question and startling statistics

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Have you wondered the number of hours you spend on your mobile phone a day and how much damage it would do to you? Research has shown that people spend over more than five hours a day on their mobile phones and it is shown that every 100 hours you spend talking on your mobile phone, you increase the risk of brain cancer as much as 5%. Therefore, mobile phones play a vital part in our lives now so would you be able to imagine a world with mobile phones?

By Ashley

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When you walk around public areas, look to your left, right, front and back. What do you notice? Do you see people indulging themselves in conversions with their friends and families or do you see people aimlessly walking with their eyes glued to their mobile phones? Mobile phones have definitely taken over our lives now that we can use it for almost everything like updates on the latest news, searching for the meaning of the word on an online dictionary and even messaging someone who may actually just be a room away from you. This way there is no need for newspapers, dictionaries and the effort to approach the person and convey your message. I’ve always wondered how life for us would be like having this device taken away from our lives

by mary

Comment by xiang shi: I like how you actually used this rhetorical question which can help to develop a shared common experience between readers and the writer such that both the writer and the reader experiencing themselves in a situation where everyone around them is kept occupied by their mobile phones . To make your introduction even better my advise will be for you to change from "I’ve always wondered how life for us would be like having this device taken away from our reader's attention s" to have you ever wondered how life for us ...." So as to furthur attract the reader's attention

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Have you ever wonder why are mobiles phones sometimes referred to as cell phones? It's because people nowadays are prisoners of their phones thats why its called cell phones. So why are people 'prisoners' of their phones nowadays? Well it is certainly because people are getting to reliant and addicted to their mobile phones. Mobile phones have become an essential element to people's lives and people are over reliant on their mobile phones. If all the phones in the world were to disappear,
what would lives be like?
-Xiang Shi (305)

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As a toddler, my parents would always pass me their phones during meals so as to keep me quiet. Due to this reason, I have always been addicted to Mobile phones. When I am doing work, I need my phone to be within my sight, otherwise I would feel uneasy. Phone to me has become as essential as air, water and food. In contrast, my parents only got phones when they were in their twenties. In this new generation, phone has become a necessity to survive in this rapidly growing world. Life is somehow unimaginable without these hand-held devices.

By Shruthi

Comment by Josie:
I like how u relate your own experience to the new generation today and it attracts readers to continue reading as it is relatable.
However u can elaborate a bit/give a brief background on '' phone has become a necessity to survive in this rapidly growing world'' so that readers can understand the situation more. Other than that well done ;3

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Have you ever felt empty without your mobile phone? That feeling that you do not want to do anything until you get your phone back? I think all of us have at least felt it once. Some says this is called addiction whereas some says it is just plainly relying on our phones. Ever wondered if you can live without your phone? I have not and i do not want to think about what will happen without my phone.

by weyrong

Comments from Charles: Strong and interesting introduction that can hook readers by utilising rhetorical questions. However, it can be improved through further elaboration.

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Almost everyone can relate to using their mobile phones countless times a day. Whether it is for work, school projects or just to contact people. It can be said that our daily lives are revolving around this precious piece of device. But is it really true that the world we live in now, cannot live without this piece of technology? Since when do human beings need air, food, water......and mobile phones, to survive? Thus, I strongly believe that we do not need mobile phones as the older generations were able to live without them too.

By Cynthia

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Eg Use of rhetorical questions and humour

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Eg Use of rhetorical questions and humour

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Can’t decide whether to leave your MOBILE phone out or to meet out your friends at a hangout? No doubt teenagers will prefer having their MOBILE phone glued to their hands. Nowadays, most teenagers are indulged in their own MOBILE devices for leisure and work purposes. They just cannot seem to get away from this addiction in their daily lives, even during their meals and time family and friends.

By Jeffrey

Good perspective of teenagers using mobile phone, however, what about from a whole perspective(adults?) ‘WE can’t do without mobile phones today.’

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Eg Use of rhetorical questions & statistics

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Eg Use of rhetorical questions & statistics

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What do you think life will be like without our phones? We can settle a bill with just a scan via the phone, how amazing ain't it? It is a fact that 85% of adults in Singapore owns a phone and that is a lot of people. My phone went missing once and I realised that without my phone, I have practically nothing else to do! I guess I was using my phone for a long period of time unknowingly. But honestly, the world cannot function at its best without technology, can it? Because majority of the things we do, like school projects, are completed using our phones and surprisingly not as much of our laptops and phones are less bulky and easily accessible compared to our laptops.

By Deonnne

Feedback by Zheng Jie: Interesting rhetorical questions that allow the readers to reflect on the uses of mobile phones. Good short examples are given regarding mobile phones such as personal experience. However, more statistics could be given about teenagers and elderly to further strengthen your point :)

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Why are we so helpless without our phones? How did we reach the stage where they are more important than cash or keys? Those are the questions I pose to myself when I accidentally left it on a table at home one work day and had to do without it  for about ten hours...

Feedback by Mary: Good use of  rhetorical questions which invite us to put ourselves in that position

However, you can improve the second part...

By Yu Ping