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What's considered normal? What's considered good? Am I good? Am I bad? When is something no longer a joke? When is it too far? Shouldn't i know this? Everyone else seems to, except me. I was taught that this was normal. I was raised that this was normal. Is it not? What does everyone know that I don't? I don't understand. Is my life a lie? And why will no one tell me? I don't understand. I'm scared. Was I taught wrong? Did I not learn what others did, or am I supposed to learn this overtime? This really sucks, huh?

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Am I off? Am I strange? Am I stupid? How come I can't understand the simplest things? What's wrong with me? Are my jokes too cruel? People don't like me. Very few people do. I talk about how amazing I am as a joke, I don't expect people to agree. But, It's not like I have bad self-esteem. People seem like I should though. Am I ugly? Am I weird? According to them I am.

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This sucks. This fucking sucks. I knew I wasn't a good person. I knew others knew what I didn't. Someone called me a try-hard, I kicked him as a joke in the shin. He started cursing me out and saying things like "Learn to take a fucking joke". I didn't mean to kick him hard. Did I? Did I hurt him? Was it too far? Maybe I should've just stayed silent. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. Please stop spreading rumors about me. I know that you're the victim in this situation. I'm sorry. I'm not the victim. I'm sorry. I regret doing that. I won't do it again. What's wrong with me? Why is my first reaction violence? I hate this. I think I'm going to tell the teacher what I did myself. I need to get in trouble for hurting someone. My mom's going to hate me for this. I'm sorry momma. I'm so sorry. I'm not a good daughter.

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Please. No. Not him. Why does he have to die? Why not me? He's one of the only people who never looked at me with hate. Please. I can't live with this. Let me die instead. Fuck. I'm hyperventilating.

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Sometimes I wish I were a child again. I feel like one. I want to be one. To escape from everything. Everyone. To have a new start in life. To grow up again with a different life, that way my past would be different. To be taught different things. That's what I want.

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Everything is unfair. Everything. I hate everything. Why is everything like this? Does the world just hate me? I think it does. It's against me or something. Everything goes wrong for me. Why can't I love who I want? Why can't I be loved? Why do people fear me? Why do people hate me? Relationships suck, and so does life. I don't need anyone. I can do this on my own. But. I will admit it. It's nice to have a good relationship with someone, to have someone by your side.

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I want everything to end. I want to end everything. The same words yet have two completely different meanings. I feel both of them. That's unfair. I'd prefer one. It's fine. It'll be all over soon. My mental health has gotten worse. It's horrible. I can't stand anything anymore. I can barely feel happy anymore. Please end my suffering.

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He's right. I know nothing. I don't know him like he does. He's right. I haven't known him for that long. I don't even know the first thing about friendship, so why would I be able to help? I'm only doing what I thought was right. Fuck. I'm sorry. He's definitely right. Maybe I should stay out of this friendship. After all, I don't know him.

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What a joke? He wants me to either quit animation or color guard. Animation is my passion, color guard is my home. I’m not quitting either. If he wants me to quit something, I’ll quit his class. But I know I can’t. My parents won’t let me. They’ve forced me into this life style a while ago. They’ll kill me if I do. So, which one do I quit? There’s three options. One that I want to do, but I’m not allowed to. Two that I don’t want to do, but I’m allowed to.

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I'm so overworked. I can't do this anymore. I want to quit everything. Please. No more. Leave me alone. Don't come near me. Don't tell me to do something. I can't. This is too much work. I'm tired. Stop it.

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I can't take it anymore.

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Theres something wrong with me. What made me think it was okay for me to have friends? What made me think it was okay for me to be happy? I need to leave.

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It's okay. I know how to fix everything.

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I’ll just make everyone hate me. That way I can’t be happy.

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I can’t go through with it. I just can’t hurt their feelings.

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Wowww. She likes someone else? One of my fucking friends?? What the FUCK is wrong with her??? She can't just do that. She's even venting? SHE'S the one in the wrong. What the fuck.