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David Sheff wrote honestly and openly. He shared personal moments of his life with complete strangers. Details that you might hesitate to share with your closest friends. Sheff honed in on a particular dark and traumatic time in his life and espoused his weakness and vulnerability. “(96) What happened to my beautiful boy? To our family? What did I do wrong?” He shared intimate details about being the father of a drug addict while placing blame and taking responsibility for his son’s addiction.

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David woke up from a brain surgery realizing he escaped death and needed to take responsibility for being alive and not the blame.  “I am no less convinced that I am lucky for so many things and most of all lucky to be alive.” (250)

“We deny the severity of our loved one’s problem not because we are naive, but because we can’t know.” (16)  Again David is trying to make sense of Nic’s addiction and not take the blame for him being an addict and just be responsible for loving his son.

“Our children live or die with or without us. No matter what we do, no matter how we agonize or obsess, we cannot choose for our children whether they live or die. It is a devastating realization, but also liberating. I finally chose life for myself.” (317). This was a turning point for David when he realized he could love Nic with his whole heart and still have no control over Nic’s fate.

I found these quotes to be beautiful words because it exemplifies a parent’s unconditional love for his child. No matter how broken Nic was to the world, David loved him with his whole heart. These words are also beautiful because they can seem sad. Although David loves Nic no matter what, he realizes that he needs to let Nic go because his love for Nic is too much of a burden on him and his family.

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David needing to know Nic’s whereabouts recurred throughout the story. “Where is Nic?” (239). David was always worried about Nic, where he was and what he was doing. He wondered if Nic was alive. David instilled in his audience that he felt a responsibility to Nic and his safety.

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Blame and responsibility are the yin and yang to the truth and a lie. “I drive home. Without Nic. Wonder about the girl’s parents. If they are anything like I imagine them to be- that is, anything like me- whatever they are doing at this moment they are doing it perfunctorily with only a portion of their consciousness, They are never free of worry about their daughter. They wonder what went wrong. They wonder if she is alive. They wonder if it is their fault.” (145). This exemplifies the blame David is placing on himself for Nic’s addiction. David questions if the decisions he made when Nic was young led to him being an addict.

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There’s a saying “like father, like son”, This was not true for David and Nic. Nic did not start off his young adult life like David had. Yet, having a son for David brought him nothing but joy until it brought him pain. “Anyone who has lived through it, or those who are now living through it, knows that caring about an addict is as complex and fraught and debilitating as addiction itself.” (13). It was devastating for David to sit by and watch his son struggle with an addiction knowing that there was nothing he could do to help him.

The beach is my happy place. “The best set of the day comes rolling in and we catch one more wave apiece and ride into the beach, where Nic joins Jasper in building a sand-and-driftwood Hobbit Shire decorated with kelp and seashells.” (72). The beach has always been David’s place. It was his place to go in both happy and sad times. The beach brought him comfort in knowing that he had great memories.

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David had a difficult time maintaining positive relationships throughout his life. First he was unable to remain faithful to his first wife Vicki, and then he struggled to keep a relationship with his son Nic, after Nic’s addiction surfaced. “I have spent Nic’s first three years in the tired but blissful half-sleep of new parenthood and then wake up in the harsh light and oppressive chill of a shattering marriage. I maturely address our disagreements by falling in love with a family friend. Her son and Nic are playmates.” (21). David had self sabotage tendencies with the relationships he had with multiple women. He finally realized his destructive ways and vowed to overcome them and become a positive version of himself. When he finally met Karen he was able to commit to a relationship that was loving and long lasting.

Another self destructive trait of David’s was to be consumed by Nic and his addiction. “ Where is Nic? I cannot take this any longer. And yet every time I think I can’t take any more, I do.” (218). David was so fixated on Nic’s life and well-being, he lost sight of his own. Eventually David realized that his obsession with Nic was destroying his life with his family. No one knew if Nic was alive or dead, he would not answer his phone. The younger children would ask if Nic was using drugs and David could no longer face this harsh reality and realized in order to be with the family he had he needed to give up on trying to save Nic.

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After years of Nic using crystal meth, David has come to realize that he can no longer save Nic from his addiction. “There is no point in sitting at home waiting for the telephone that doesn’t ring. We strive to carry on with our lives.” (191). This was an emotionally devastating moment for David because he realizes he is living between two separate worlds that will never become one. He must accept that his son Nic is an addict and let him go in order to live in the present with his wife and two young children.

After the darkness of the night in a storm there will be the sun and the light of day. He’s been in recovery and has made it to his 21st birthday. “In September, Nic celebrates his  year of sobriety. As much as a child’s birthday is important to a parent, as much as twenty-one meant to me, a year in recovery means more.” (213).  This milestone in Nic’s addiction journey was both hopeful and joyful to David. A year of sobriety was a year of Nic being drug free and living. Seeing Nic turn twenty-one was just as joyous and hopeful because David feared his son would die from his addiction before another birthday. He can now live with less anxiety and the constant fear of what his son is getting himself into.

Even though David was in the hospital after a brain hemorrhage, his only thoughts and concerns were for his son Nic. “The drugs do not allay my terror. I want to call him to be sure that he is all right.” (243) David was so consumed with Nic’s well being he could not even focus on his own health and recovery. He had created an addiction of his own obsessing over Nic .He had been so caught up in Nics life that at a moment of his suffering all he could think about was his son.