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CÓ 2 DẠNG VIẾT CHÍNH TRONG ESSAY

1. account: WHAT ARE (khách quan)

1. cause

2. effect

3. solution

4. pros/ cons

2. opinion

___ discuss both views: discussion (đ1: ông A, đ2: ông B)

___ to what extent do you agree or disagree: argumentative (100, 80-20)

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🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴
✨TR: 6.5; CC: 6.0; VC: 6.5; GR: 6.0✨
═══nn══════════════════════

Nowadays 💥 VC: Ôi, huhu, sao lại mở thế này? Template mở của cô đâu? the amount of people away from their family is staggeringly high 💥 GR: ‘Amount’ sai, phải dùng ‘number’ cho people -> the number of people living far from their families has surged. While some point to employment opportunities as the cause, others point to educational pursuit. Even more debated is the impact on the individuals themselves and their families. This essay will discuss possible causes for this phenomenon, as well as its complex and impact on the people involved 💥 -> the causes and multifaceted impacts on individuals and their families.

The increasingly high rate of people who spend little time with their family 💥 GR: Câu rối, ‘rate’ ko hợp -> growing number of people spending less time with family can be primarily attributed to potential career trajectory 💥 VC: Cụm này ko tự nhiên -> career opportunities. Many employees relocate abroad in hopes of better job prospects, which in turn leads to increased time away from family. To illustrate, Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook’s senior executive 💥 VC: Cụm này đúng nhưng dài -> Meta’s COO, discussed the global trend of professionals moving to Silicon Valley for career growth, impacting family time. On top of that, since survival in the modern world relies heavily on one’s education, many seek to enroll in prestigious tertiary institutes 💥 VC: Cụm này hơi gượng -> top-tier universities. That in turn leads to higher numbers of student migrating away to cities 💥 GR: Sai ngữ pháp, ‘student’ phải số nhiều -> This drives many students to migrate to cities. Nowhere are these occurrences more apparent than in the case of China, where almost every suburban pupil, even city students, move to other provinces to attend university for a better future 💥 GR: Câu dài, sai ngữ pháp -> many suburban and urban students relocate to other provinces for better universities.

Turning to how this eventuality 💥 VC: Từ này ko hợp ngữ cảnh -> trend affects family and those spending time away from them 💥 GR: Cụm này vụng -> families and individuals involved. Working and studying far from family can secure better positions in not only work, but also society 💥 VC: Cụm này yếu -> both professional and social spheres. Those who have struggled will no longer need to face unstable situations and low incomes 💥 VC: Cụm này ổn nhưng thiếu sắc thái -> financial instability and poverty. Canada is a vivid depiction 💥 VC: Cụm này ko tự nhiên -> prime example where immigrants working or studying there found opportunities to secure their future and get out of poverty 💥 -> gain opportunities to escape poverty.

Notwithstanding the advantage 💥 ôi, em ko dùng theo template cô dạy... -> Despite these benefits, a multitude of people’s mental health can degrade over long periods of time away from home 💥 cliched -> many individuals suffer mental health declines from prolonged separation. This includes disorders such as depression, anxiety, which is the result of homesickness and unfamiliarity 💥 GR: Cụm này sai cấu trúc -> and anxiety due to homesickness and unfamiliar settings. This impact can be seen in the USA, where many reported in surveys to feel anxiety and sadness after prolonged periods of time away from their home 💥 GR: Câu dài, sai ngữ pháp -> report anxiety and sadness in surveys after extended time away from home.

To sum up, the occurrence where people spend much time away from home 💥 GR: Cụm này vụng -> trend of people living far from home can be pointed to job and educational prospects and opportunities 💥 -> attributed to career and educational opportunities. This happening 💥 -> trend benefits both the person and their family, while compromising mental health of individuals 💥 GR: Cụm này thiếu rõ ràng -> but compromises individuals’ mental health.

▪️Bài của e trả lời đc câu hỏi, nêu nguyên nhân (cơ hội việc làm, giáo dục) và hệ quả (lợi ích kinh tế, sức khỏe tinh thần), nhưng lập luận yếu, thiếu ví dụ cụ thể và phản biện sâu. Quan điểm ko rõ, kết luận lặp ý, thiếu giải pháp. Các ý liên quan, nhưng đoạn về tác động tiêu cực quá ngắn, chưa thuyết phục. Ví dụ: "Relocating for opportunities, while beneficial, demands support to address mental health challenges."

▪️E có nêu ví dụ Sandberg, Canada, Trung Quốc, nhưng thiếu chi tiết cảm xúc. Thử thêm: "In China, over 10 million students relocate annually for university, straining family bonds." Liên kết câu yếu, dùng “on top of that”, “notwithstanding” gượng, thiếu từ nối như "by the same token", "in the vein of". Ý về sức khỏe tinh thần cần khai thác: "Homesickness can spiral into chronic stress, reducing productivity." Cần reference words như "this migration", "such sacrifices" để tránh lặp.

▪️Về từ vựng, e dùng đc “staggeringly”, “trajectory”, nhưng “eventuality”, “vivid depiction” ko hợp. Độ chính xác từ vựng thấp, collocation yếu như “tertiary institutes”, “unstable situations”. Thêm cụm như "at the forefront of", "nothing less than critical". Sắc thái mạnh hơn ở “staggeringly high” bằng "alarmingly widespread". Thử attitudinal word: "Relocating is anything but simple; it reshapes lives."

▪️Cấu trúc câu đơn giản, lỗi GR nhiều (số ít/số nhiều, cấu trúc sai). Dấu câu ổn, nhưng thiếu nhấn mạnh như "Far from fostering progress, unchecked migration risks mental health crises."

🚩 Tóm lại, e cần làm rõ quan điểm, thêm ví dụ cụ thể, sửa lỗi GR.

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Task 2: In many countries, more and more people are competing for a place to study in universities. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

 

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Task 2: In many countries, more and more people are competing for a place to study in universities. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

 

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🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴
✨TR: 7.0; CC: 6.5; VC: 7.0; GR: 6.5✨
═══nn══════════════════════

In light of the concerns surrounding the race for college admission, questions about its root causes, primarily urbanization and societal norms, and its impact on both the education system and society as a whole have been looming large/ increasingly pressing. This essay will analyze the causes and effects of this phenomenon before giving my perspective.

The increase in university applications, especially among young people, is mainly attributed to the relentless march of urbanization 💥 VC: urbanization không march như advanced e ạ. ko sao, học đc thêm collocation -> rapid pace of urbanization. Although the surge in urban population has propelled the economic development of a nation, hardly anyone can deny that there are also more high school graduates who search for a place in higher education 💥 GR: khi câu đã dài thì có thể tìm cách rút câu ngắn lại, sẽ hiệu quả hơn -> it undeniably increases the number of graduates seeking higher education. Therefore, the population surge fuels the competition, significantly narrowing the path for university admission of individuals 💥 chuốt lại cụm chút -> sharply intensifying competition for university spots. Furthermore, this educational race is exacerbated by the emphasis on the college degree 💥 yếu -> overemphasis on college degrees, as it is often perceived as a marker of academic achievement and practical skills that are needed in the workplace 💥 GR: Câu dài, lặp ý -> they are seen as essential for academic and professional success. The combination of these factors explains why many individuals are devoted to competing for a spot in college 💥 VC: Cụm này ổn nhưng thiếu mạnh -> driven to vie for college admission.

In a positive light, it cannot be denied that greater competition means that academic standards can also be elevated 💥 GR: Câu hơi rối -> drives higher academic standards, as educators must update curriculums 💥 -> curricula so that they can meet the demands of top-tier professors in society 💥 VC: Cụm này ko hợp, thiếu tự nhiên -> leading academic institutions. Contrary to the aforementioned, the race for college undeniably comes with its share of problems. Academic institutions are on the brink of being overcrowded 💥 hơi cường điệu -> increasingly overcrowded, resulting in fewer opportunities for individualized attention and student engagement. Consequently, university graduates are less prepared with the needed competencies for occupations 💥 vụng -> ill-equipped with essential job skills, therefore, negatively influencing the labor market 💥 -> thus undermining the labor market.

In conclusion, urbanization and societal norms have contributed to the university competition among high school graduates. While many people argue that this trend can pave the way for a higher educational system, this often comes at the expense of a diluted academic environment 💥 VC: Cụm này ổn nhưng thiếu sắc thái -> frequently compromises educational quality, which hampers both teaching effectiveness and student engagement. If left unchecked, this intense competition can eventually lead to a deteriorating education that is drained of resources and support -> ultimately erode educational quality and resources.

▪️Bài của e trả lời đc câu hỏi, phân tích nguyên nhân (đô thị hóa, chuẩn mực xã hội) và hệ quả của cạnh tranh đại học, nhưng lập luận chưa sâu, thiếu ví dụ cụ thể. Quan điểm rõ, ủng hộ cải thiện hệ thống giáo dục, nhưng đoạn phản bác ngắn, ko khai thác đủ hậu quả. Các ý liên quan, nhưng kết luận hơi chung, thiếu giải pháp. Ví dụ: "Balancing access with quality ensures universities remain engines of progress."

▪️E có nêu ý về đô thị hóa, chuẩn mực xã hội, nhưng thiếu ví dụ minh họa như số liệu hay trường hợp cụ thể. Thử thêm: "In cities like Hanoi, urban growth has doubled university applicants in a decade." Liên kết câu ổn, dùng “therefore”, “consequently”, nhưng thiếu từ nối tinh tế như "by the same token", "in the vein of". Ý về hệ quả (quá tải, thiếu kỹ năng) cần phát triển hơn: "Overcrowded lecture halls often leave students disengaged, hindering critical thinking." Cần reference words như "this trend", "such pressures" để tránh lặp.

▪️Về từ vựng, e dùng đc “propelled”, “exacerbated”, nhưng “looming large”, “relentless march” sáo rỗng. Độ chính xác từ vựng khá, nhưng lỗi collocation như “curriculums”, “top-tier professors in society”. Thêm cụm như "at the forefront of", "nothing less than critical". Sắc thái mạnh hơn ở “diluted academic environment” bằng "compromised learning experience".

▪️Cấu trúc câu khá, nhưng lỗi GR như chính tả (“curriculums”), nhiều câu dài, lặp ý. Dấu câu ổn, nhưng thiếu nhấn mạnh như "Far from elevating standards, this race risks diluting them."

🚩 Tóm lại, e cần thêm ví dụ cụ thể, phát triển phản bác, sửa lỗi GR. E có thể dùng "for a fact", "by no means" để bài thuyết phục hơn. Chú ý diễn đạt ngắn gọn và thêm số liệu nhé!

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In many countries, more and more people are competing for a place to study in universities. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴
✨TR: 7.0; CC: 6.5; VC: 7.0; GR: 6.5✨
═══nn══════════════════════
Given the rising competition for university spots, questions about its root causes and remarkable impacts on students have been looming large** 💥 VC: cụm dài dòng, thiếu tự nhiên -> and its profound effects on students have sparked debate. This essay will analyze the causes for** 💥 GR: giới từ thừa -> of this trend while also critically examining its multifaceted implications.

At the heart of the competitive race for university admission is a complex interplay of factors, predominantly attributed to exponential population growth. It is the surge in the number of high school graduates which has fueled the rivalry for tertiary education with limited spots** 💥 GR: cấu trúc lủng củng -> that has intensified competition for limited university places. Added to this scenario is the long-established culture of glorifying further** 💥 VC: từ ko chính xác -> higher education, consistently equating university degrees with personal and occupational success. This stems from fact that many companies set these degrees as recruiting criteria** 💥 GR: thiếu “the,” cấu trúc yếu -> the reality that many employers require degrees as hiring criteria. Hence, without the** 💥 GR: “the” thừa -> a degree, individuals cannot seek employment, then being perceived unsuccessful** 💥 GR: sai cấu trúc -> and are thus perceived as unsuccessful.

In a positive light, the fiercer competition for universities can foster students' determination and unlock their potential. On account of a low acceptance rate, students need to stay disciplined and focused on their studies to outperform other candidates. The resilience accumulated through challenges during their process for university admission** 💥 VC: cụm dài dòng -> journey to university admission will be invaluable in not only their future academic endeavors but also in other aspects of life.

However, I must agree that there is a darker side of this phenomenon that has been the subject of extensive discussion** 💥 VC: dài dòng, thiếu sắc thái -> to this trend that cannot be ignored: students strive for a place at universities at the expense of their own** 💥 GR: “own” thừa -> health. Students have to sacrifice their sleep for more time to prepare carefully for the university entrance exams 💥 VC: dài dòng -> to study for university entrance exams, leaving them in a state of burnout and exhaustion. They also suffer from mounting pressure due to their parents' expectation 💥 GR: số nhiều -> parents’ expectations, which is detrimental to their mental health.

In conclusion, the** 💥 GR: “the” thừa -> population growth and the 💥 GR: “the” thừa -> societal emphasis on tertiary 💥 VC: lặp từ -> higher education have undeniably contributed to the intense competition for universities. While this phenomenon builds up students' resilience and perseverance, it is a considered a path fraught with potential pitfalls** 💥 GR: cấu trúc lủng củng -> considered a path laden with risks, making it a negative development in the long run.

▪️Bài của e trả lời đc câu hỏi, phân tích nguyên nhân và hệ quả của cạnh tranh đại học, nhưng lập luận chưa đủ sắc bén, thiếu nhượng bộ (concession) hoặc phản biện mạnh để tăng thuyết phục. Quan điểm rõ, nhưng diễn đạt đôi chỗ dài dòng, lặp từ, làm giảm ấn tượng. Các ý liên quan, nhưng đoạn kết chưa nhấn mạnh hậu quả đủ mạnh. Ví dụ: “If left unchecked, this trend could push students further into the grip of mental health crises.”

▪️E có hỗ trợ ý bằng lý do (tăng dân số, văn hóa đề cao bằng cấp) và hệ quả (tích cực: kiên cường; tiêu cực: sức khỏe), nhưng ví dụ chung chung, thiếu cảm xúc. Thử thêm: “Picture a student burning the midnight oil, eyes heavy with exhaustion, only to face crushing parental expectations.” Liên kết câu ổn, nhưng thiếu từ nối đa dạng như “In light of this,” “Far from fostering,” “By no means”. Ý về sức khỏe tâm lý chưa đào sâu. Có thể viết: “The silent epidemic of burnout not only drains students but also robs them of joy.” Cần reference words như “such pressure,” “this rivalry,” “these trade-offs” để tăng mạch lạc.
▪️Về từ vựng, e dùng đc từ tốt như “multifaceted,” “detrimental,” nhưng lặp “tertiary education,” “competition,” và cụm dài dòng như “looming large.” Độ chính xác từ vựng khá, nhưng “further education,” “parents’ expectation” sai ngữ cảnh. Collocation yếu, ví dụ “prepare carefully for the university entrance exams” -> “rigorously prepare for entrance exams” hoặc “tirelessly study for admissions tests”. Sắc thái cần mạnh hơn ở “darker side of this phenomenon” -> “a grim reality of this trend”.
▪️Cấu trúc câu khá đa dạng, nhưng lỗi nhỏ (thừa “the,” cấu trúc lủng củng) làm giảm điểm GR. Dấu câu ổn, nhưng cụm như “considered a path fraught with” thiếu tự nhiên. Thay “Students have to sacrifice their sleep…” bằng “Never at all does relentless studying spare students’ health; it only breeds exhaustion.” để nhấn mạnh.
🚩 Tóm lại, e cần tránh dài dòng, phát triển ví dụ sâu hơn, và thêm nhượng bộ như “While some argue competition drives excellence, it comes at the expense of health”. Cô đề nghị dùng từ nối linh hoạt, idiom như “take a toll” hay “beyond measure”, và chú ý cấu trúc tự nhiên. Lần sau đào sâu hậu quả và kết bài mạnh hơn nhé!

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🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴
✨TR: 6.5; CC: 6.0; VC: 6.5; GR: 6.0✨
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An increased number of people are living at a distance from their families, sometimes even halfway around the world, for various reasons. This will clearly lead to significant changes for both the people who leave home and their loved ones.

As for the younger ones, they often choose to leave because of dysfunctional families** 💥 VC: lặp cụm, thiếu sắc thái -> troubled or toxic family environments. Many households have been heavily influenced by the old-fashioned mindsets** 💥 VC: cụm chung chung -> outdated or rigid beliefs of previous generations, causing them to choose violence as a means of educating** 💥 VC: từ ko chính xác -> disciplining their offspring. This way of teaching** 💥 VC: lặp ý “educating,” ko phù hợp -> parenting does not simply take a toll on the child’s physical health but also becomes a lifelong trauma, haunting the child for a lifetime** 💥 VC: lặp “lifelong,” thừa từ -> into adulthood. Due to such detrimental consequences, kids of dysfunctional families** 💥 VC: lặp, thay bằng -> troubled households have chosen to leave as a way to heal and obtain peace of mind** 💥 VC: cụm sáo rỗng -> find inner peace. That is not to mention,** 💥 GR: cụm thừa, ko tự nhiên -> Moreover, with the dramatic technological innovation, traveling is now more accessible and less time-consuming for everyone. People take advantage of this in order to seek out new opportunities and have a passion for living in a new land** 💥 VC: dài dòng, thiếu tự nhiên -> embrace life in a new country.

This phenomenon can bring about both pros and cons. As for those who are constantly absent from home, being open to life-changing doors** 💥 VC: cụm ko tự nhiên -> transformative opportunities is perhaps the most major gain. Meanwhile, their families, especially the lower middle class, will more or less witness financial gains as they no longer have to support another human being. However, lacking connection** 💥 VC: cụm yếu -> weakened family bonds is likely the most significant loss for both. Children might never have the chance to express themselves, and parents will never be able to reflect on whether what they do is right or wrong. Being away from one’s family for too long can also produce more serious consequences, namely loneliness and depression.

In conclusion, living away from one’s family is a choice made by many in this society** 💥 VC: chung chung, ko cần thiết -> today’s world who hope to build a different episode of their life** 💥 VC: cụm ko tự nhiên -> new chapter in their lives or seek out opportunities overseas. The outcomes of this trend involve both positive and negative consequences.

▪️Bài của e trả lời đc câu hỏi, nêu lý do và hậu quả của việc sống xa gia đình, nhưng lập luận chưa đủ sắc bén, thiếu nhượng bộ (concession) hoặc phản biện (rebuttal) để tăng tính thuyết phục. Quan điểm rõ, nhưng diễn đạt đôi chỗ dài dòng, lặp từ, làm bài kém ấn tượng. Các ý liên quan, nhưng đoạn kết quá ngắn, chưa nhấn mạnh hậu quả hay kêu gọi hành động. Ví dụ: “If not addressed, this trend could push families further into the grip of emotional isolation.”
▪️E có hỗ trợ ý bằng lý do (gia đình bạo lực, cơ hội mới), nhưng ví dụ chung chung, chưa tạo cảm xúc mạnh. Thử thêm: “Imagine a teenager fleeing a home where harsh words and fists replace love, only to find peace abroad but at the cost of family ties.” Liên kết giữa các câu ổn, nhưng thiếu từ nối đa dạng như “In light of this,” “Far from resolving,” “By no means”. Ý về hệ quả tâm lý (cô đơn, trầm cảm) chưa phát triển sâu. Có thể viết: “The silent epidemic of loneliness often haunts those who trade family closeness for independence.” Cần dùng reference words như “such disconnection,” “this migration,” “these trade-offs” để tăng mạch lạc.
▪️Về từ vựng, e dùng đc vài từ tốt như “detrimental,” “trauma,” nhưng lặp cụm “dysfunctional families,” “opportunities,” và dùng cụm sáo rỗng như “peace of mind.” Độ chính xác từ vựng khá, nhưng “educating,” “life-changing doors” sai ngữ cảnh. Collocation yếu, ví dụ “have a passion for living in a new land” -> “yearn to thrive in a foreign land” hoặc “are drawn to new horizons”. Sắc thái cần mạnh hơn ở “lacking connection” -> “a profound erosion of family ties”.

▪️Cấu trúc câu khá đa dạng, nhưng lỗi lặp từ và cụm thừa làm giảm điểm GR. Dấu câu ổn, nhưng “That is not to mention” ko tự nhiên. Thay “Being away from one’s family for too long can also produce…” bằng “Never at all does prolonged separation ease emotional burdens; it only breeds despair.” để tăng nhấn mạnh.
🚩 Tóm lại, e cần tránh lặp từ, phát triển ví dụ sâu hơn, và thêm nhượng bộ/phản biện để bài thuyết phục hơn. Cô đề nghị e dùng từ nối linh hoạt, thêm idiom như “take a toll” hay “beyond measure”, và chú ý cụm tự nhiên như “In the face of such challenges”. Lần sau nhớ đào sâu hậu quả và kết bài mạnh mẽ nhé!

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The line chart compares the average monthly charges for contracts for four different brands of mobile phones in a European country between January and September 2002.

Overall, a rise in cost occurred in all four types of phones over the period, except for Alpha, which witnessed a reverse trend. While Lex and Domo experienced only marginal increases, Alpha underwent the most dramatic climb in price.

The cost of Domo began the period at approximately 15, before escalating to precisely two times in the following eight months. Subsequently, it declined at a relatively lower value to roughly 16 by April. Lax experienced a fluctuation of around 12 over the first month, prior to hitting a low of 10 in February and finishing at about 17.

Regarding the mobile phone brand Alpha, its cost accounted for slightly under 10 in January. Even though the highest cost recorded of Alpha was roughly 14, it eventually dropped down to only about 7%, coming last compared to the other brands. Unlike Alpha, Sim TX started in the last place at roughly 5 but then surged remarkably over the months and reached 25 by September, overtaking all the remaining categories.

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Có tiến bộ

✨TR: 7.0; CC: 6.5; VC: 7.0; GR: 6.0✨
═══nn══════════════════════
In light of the concerns surrounding the rising competition for university spots, questions about its root cause, primarily urbanization, and its multi-faceted impacts** 💥 VC: cụm sáo rỗng -> far-reaching consequences have been rising to the forefront. This essay will analyze the causes of this issue while also critically examining its two-side impacts** 💥 VC: ko tự nhiên -> dual effects.

The growing race of admission to universities** 💥 GR: cụm sai, thiếu “for” -> race for university admission among students can be primarily attributed to rapid urbanization and its pervasive influence. Although such progress offers chances of societal advancements** 💥 VC: dài dòng -> opportunities for societal progress, hardly can anyone deny that the larger the population is, the more high school graduates there are. This overwhelming increase irrefutably indicates** 💥 VC: từ mạnh nhưng ko cần thiết -> clearly leads to overcrowded academic institutions, which are taking a heavy toll on stressed resources** 💥 VC: cụm lặp ý, ko rõ -> straining limited resources, while there are fewer opportunities for individualized attention. Equally crucial is a shift in the opinion that university degrees are seen as success indicators** 💥 VC: dài dòng -> the perception that degrees signal success. This trend is exacerbated by an increasing demand on degrees in the job market, a so-called necessary condition to labouring entrance** 💥 GR: sai cấu trúc, ko rõ -> for degrees in the job market, often deemed essential for career entry. These aforementioned factors combined explain why being admitted to universities is becoming more competitive.

In the negative light, this race has evidently put a strain on the quality of education worldwide** 💥 VC: cụm chung chung -> undermined educational quality globally. Nowhere are these impacts more easily witnessed than in large-size classes** 💥 GR: ko tự nhiên -> oversized classes, where educating programmes do without personalized instruction and diluted curriculum quality only to accommodate general need** 💥 GR/VC: sai cấu trúc, lặp ý -> curricula lack personalization and depth to meet mass demand. At the graduation point, should standards drop, graduates are less prepared, while the labor market suffers simultaneously** 💥 VC: từ thừa -> concurrently. However, I must agree that there is a brighter side of this phenomenon that is barely heard** 💥 VC: ko tự nhiên -> often overlooked: more competition might, in and of itself, elevate academic standards. If it was not for the severer procedures of employment** 💥 GR: sai ngữ pháp, dài dòng -> Without stricter hiring standards, there would be no high stakes for admissions as well as demands for top-tier professions. Unless institutions adapt, they risk obsolescence, worse yet, lose prestige and dwindle enrolments** 💥 VC: lặp ý, dài dòng -> obsolescence and declining prestige.

In conclusion, rapid urbanization and priority over bachelor’ degrees** 💥 GR: sai dấu, ko tự nhiên -> emphasis on bachelor’s degrees have undeniably contributed to the increasing competition in university admissions. Even if this phenomenon brings back certain advancements in the labor market** 💥 VC: ko rõ -> drives labor market progress, the reality is that it can also lead to the loss of proper education quality** 💥 VC: yếu, ko tự nhiên -> severely compromises educational quality, which should by no means be available to all students** 💥 GR: sai ý -> in no way be compromised for any student. Only through concerted efforts can we mitigate the impact of such occurrence** 💥 VC: cụm yếu -> this trend and improve the overall education field in this day and age** 💥 VC: sáo rỗng -> today.

▪️Bài của e trả lời đc câu hỏi, phân tích nguyên nhân (đô thị hóa, quan niệm về bằng cấp) và hệ quả (tích cực và tiêu cực), nhưng lập luận thiếu nhượng bộ sắc nét và phản biện sâu để tăng thuyết phục. Quan điểm rõ, nhưng diễn đạt dài dòng, lặp ý, làm bài kém mạch lạc. Các ý liên quan, nhưng đoạn kết chưa nhấn mạnh giải pháp cụ thể. Ví dụ: “If left unchecked, this trend could push us further into the grip of an overstretched education system.”
▪️E có hỗ trợ ý bằng ví dụ (lớp đông, tiêu chuẩn tuyển dụng), nhưng ví dụ chung chung, chưa tạo cảm xúc hay pathos mạnh. Thử thêm: “Picture a classroom packed with students, where teachers, stretched thin, can only skim the surface of lessons, leaving talent untapped.” Liên kết giữa các câu khá, nhưng thiếu từ nối đa dạng như “In the face of,” “Far from resolving,” “By no means”. Ý về hệ quả tích cực (nâng chuẩn học thuật) chưa phát triển đủ. Có thể viết: “This competition, while grueling, drives institutions to innovate, lest they fall behind in a rapidly evolving world.” Cần dùng reference words như “such overcrowding,” “this mindset,” “these pressures” để tăng tính mạch lạc.
▪️Về từ vựng, e dùng đc từ tốt như “pervasive,” “irrefutably,” “exacerbated,” nhưng lặp cụm “impacts,” “standards,” và dùng cụm ko tự nhiên như “labouring entrance,” “barely heard.” Độ chính xác từ vựng khá, nhưng “large-size classes,” “educating programmes” sai ngữ cảnh. Collocation yếu, ví dụ “do without personalized instruction” -> “sacrifice personalized instruction” hoặc “forgo tailored teaching”. Sắc thái cần mạnh hơn ở “put a strain on” -> “gravely undermines”. Thử thêm attitudinal word: “It’s nothing less than alarming how overcrowding erodes the essence of education.”
▪️Cấu trúc câu khá đa dạng, nhưng lỗi ngữ pháp (“bachelor’ degrees,” “was not for”) và cụm thừa (“so-called,” “simultaneously”) làm giảm điểm GR. Dấu câu ổn, nhưng cụm như “in this day and age” sáo rỗng. Thay “Even if this phenomenon brings back…” bằng “Never at all does this trend solely advance the labor market; it risks educational decay.” để nhấn mạnh.
🚩 Tóm lại, e cần tránh lặp ý, dùng từ nối linh hoạt, và phát triển giải pháp ở kết bài. Thêm nhượng bộ: “While urbanization fuels progress, it comes at the expense of education quality”.