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Mending the Fabric of Leadership: Navigating Conflict, Healing, and Liberation

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Mending the Fabric of Leadership: Navigating Conflict, Healing, and Liberation

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Leadership Learning Community - Making Space For Relationship Building

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In 2024, LLC hosted a virtual series called Mending, in which we explored generative conflict, healing, and liberatory leadership with Ericka Stallings, Iman Mills Gordon, Alexandra Urdaneta, Sadia Hassan, Nikki Dinh, Aida Cuadrado Bozzo, Marquita James, Brittni Chicuata, Jessica Marquez, Mizan Alkebulan-Abakah, Sizwe Andrews-Abakah, and over a hundred participants.
Why Mending?
In the past several years, LLC has been in circles with leaders of the social good sector and has been working through emotional leadership transitions, creating space for intergenerational leadership, paying attention to calling out and calling in culture, and processing all that has happened during and out of the pandemic. This year, we wanted to explore why mending matters to liberatory leaders, how we find paths through conflict, and what we can do as leaders of organizations to mend. By the end of this four-part virtual series, our hope was that the social good sector would have entry points to practicing mending as an essential part of their work towards equity and liberation by centering love, care, generative conflict, and healing.

These are some of our team's reflections as to why mending matters:

Nikki: "When we do this delicate work of liberation and prefiguring, we need to also deal with issues so we don't end up with ruptures. How do we have differences and harmony at the same time?"

Ericka: "So many conversations that we have about what is hard about doing this work (e.g., liberatory leadership, distributed leadership) is often about people not being able to see each other or getting over hurt, but also about the difficulty of collaboration. Sometimes, we use rules and laws in regular relationships, but what are the other ways we can work on relationships."

Iman: "Mending is an opportunity to be more intentional about how we [progressive organizations] work together despite our different approaches. The study of mending offers tools to move through potential conflict and remain focused on our shared end goals."

Ericka: "I think foundations or soil are really important. How relationships are rooted impact the resulting harvest after a storm/conflict."

Alex: "A lot of the work starts with yourself and your willingness to do it. It's important to have conversations about your relationship with conflict and mending. It's also a continuous process as you learn more about yourself."

Sadia: "Mending as a way to tend to both interpersonal and societal ruptures so we can heal and repair both forwards and backward. Thinking about rupture or conflict as a knot or tangle in the fabric of a story, some are deeper and take longer to tease out and others are just wrinkles that, even once you undo them, shape the narrative in a meaningful way."

Nikki: "Mending is something to learn and to practice regularly. We can hear/learn about mending many times, but if we don't actively practice it, it doesn't have a chance to transform us."

Together we've learned:

1. Conflict matters. LLC has looked back to lineage and ancestors, grounded in the present, and even space traveled into future possibilities to find that conflict perseveres as long as humans do. By viewing conflict as an opportunity for growth rather than avoiding it, we can engage in open and honest communication showing grace and accountability toward each other. Mending, therefore, is a continuous process. It requires ongoing effort and attention, and is not a one-time fix. Leaders, organizations, and systems must commit to long-term practices that support continuous healing and growth.

2. Leaders can create spaces for regular reflection, feedback, and dialogue. Open communication and practice listening within your team, organization, or field encourages mending when rupture occurs. This could include hosting regular check-ins, prioritizing sharing learnings and experiences, facilitating workshops on conflict resolution and healing, or facilitating through actual conflict. Having spaces to practice mending is necessary for inner work, self, and collective healing, and can provide an opportunity for growth and transformation.

3. Mending is a necessary step towards equity and liberation. Mending requires leaders to have awareness of and address power imbalances. To create equitable and just relationships, leaders must understand and address power dynamics within themselves, organizations they influence, and beyond. This involves centering those historically excluded, naming power, inner work, and the practice of sharing power.

4. Mending can and should be approached with a liberatory lens. This means starting outside of systems and traditional power structures. Could you start with what an end goal might be? Could you start with joy or love? More specifically, mending can be creative and playful. The series explored various approaches to mending, including art, music, and experiential activities.

5. Mending is a way to shift the narrative towards personal and systemic transformation: Stories shape our reality. What are the stories you've been telling yourself about change? Leadership? Conflict? Liberation? Mending the holes in those stories so you can tell new stories, revise old ones, and change your relationship to what is possible is an opportunity to transform yourself so you can transform the world.

How are we applying mending to our work?

We are creating spaces for our team to reflect on conflict and our work to deepen our understanding of conflict resolution and liberatory practices. We collectively support each other, engage in conversations, and share tips for healing and joy.

We are working to create more practice spaces and tools to help our team navigate conflict with a liberatory lens, exploring ways to learn and unlearn.

We are sharing our learnings in the virtual learning spaces, and communities of practice we hold to propagate the gardening tools and practices leaders are engaging to address conflict, embrace transitions, and navigate co-leadership.

We invite you to explore and share our Mending Padlet - a collection of videos, learnings, quotes, and resources from our Mending 2024 virtual series.

We also want to express gratitude to all our speakers and participants for co-creating this space where we could connect, learn, and play. Also, if you'd like to help us by providing your feedback, please click on this survey.

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Mending the Fabric of Leadership: Navigating Conflict, Healing, and Liberation

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In 2024, LLC hosted a virtual series called Mending, in which we explored generative conflict, healing, and liberatory leadership.

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“Mending as a way to tend to both interpersonal and societal ruptures so we can heal and repair both forwards and backward. Thinking about rupture or conflict as a knot or tangle in the fabric of a story, some are deeper and take longer to tease out and others are just wrinkles that, even once you undo them, shape the narrative in a meaningful way.” -Sadia

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“A lot of the work starts with yourself and your willingness to do it. It’s important to have conversations about your relationship with conflict and mending. It’s also a continuous process as you learn more about yourself.” - Alexandra

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“A lot of the work starts with yourself and your willingness to do it. It’s important to have conversations about your relationship with conflict and mending. It’s also a continuous process as you learn more about yourself.” - Alexandra

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“Mending is an opportunity to be more intentional about how we [progressive organizations] work together despite our different approaches. The study of mending offers tools to move through potential conflict and remain focused on our shared end goals.” - Iman

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Mending #3 Intergenerational conflict, power, & liberatory ways forward, together. A padlet filled with learnings, conversations, and resources. 

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Mending #3 Intergenerational conflict, power, & liberatory ways forward, together. A padlet filled with learnings, conversations, and resources. 

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“We need resources and spaces to practice.” - Sizwe

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“We need resources and spaces to practice.” - Sizwe

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“We need to move past theory. The more mistakes the better you get.” -Sizwe

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“How do you fill up yourself with power” - Sizwe

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“How do you fill up yourself with power” - Sizwe

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“When we come together as a collective, shared our stories, we are not alone in this - we can make our experience different and challenge power” - Brittni

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“When we come together as a collective, shared our stories, we are not alone in this - we can make our experience different and challenge power” - Brittni

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“Policy is much more dynamic than just taking just the taking - in just an exclusionary practice - it can also heal and repair.” - Brittni

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“Policy is much more dynamic than just taking just the taking - in just an exclusionary practice - it can also heal and repair.” - Brittni

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“For the communities that still like show up all the time with like the supernatural level of faith in a better outcome - even though they're operating in a system that has has messed them over time and time again - that's a really indigenous and spiritual way of approaching the work.” -Brittni

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"I really like the shift from "assume good intentions" to "ask more questions and be curious" because "assume good intentions" just ends the exploration right there, it doesn't go any further... curiosity allows you to go deeper..." - Mary

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"People-centred practices and values helps me side-step leading with assumptions." - See

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"People-centred practices and values helps me side-step leading with assumptions." - See

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"Thank you for creating this space! I really see the possibility to connect the threads across each generation, not to see each generation as a structure but a fluid container that blends the wisdom across all generations to respond to what is called for in this moment to create the world that provides for all." - Mary 

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"Thank you for creating this space! I really see the possibility to connect the threads across each generation, not to see each generation as a structure but a fluid container that blends the wisdom across all generations to respond to what is called for in this moment to create the world that provides for all." - Mary 

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"This is making me think about the intentionality that is required to set community norms so they aren’t used to avoid conflict." - Kelli

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“The first steps that I take people through and get really clear on is, ‘What are your values? How do you want to be in conflict? And what is your commitment?’” - Aida Cuadrado Bozzo

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“The body keeps the score when we have conflict, and [conflict] is part of the mending process. When done well, it is also tending to what the body is holding and what has experienced rift can be woven back together.” - Marquita James

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“The body keeps the score when we have conflict, and [conflict] is part of the mending process. When done well, it is also tending to what the body is holding and what has experienced rift can be woven back together.” - Marquita James

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"A theme resonating from today’s session is that liberatory approaches to conflict needs to address the moments of conflict, and also the larger context and goals for relationships and change work" - Toni

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"I want us to stop telling people to bring their whole selves to work without being honest about what parts of them we can handle. It’s creating a lot of unnecessary conflict." - Kelli

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“In any moment where you're feeling deep grief around conflict, invite others to help you disrupt it.” - Aida Cuadrado Bozzo

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“In any moment where you're feeling deep grief around conflict, invite others to help you disrupt it.” - Aida Cuadrado Bozzo

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"I didn’t know how much I needed to be in this space and to hear these thoughts. Excited to build here <3" - Darius

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"I didn’t know how much I needed to be in this space and to hear these thoughts. Excited to build here <3" - Darius

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"So happy to have this come across my radar! It has been such a beautifully healing and informative space. Y’all are dope!" - Jessica

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"So happy to have this come across my radar! It has been such a beautifully healing and informative space. Y’all are dope!" - Jessica

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"I appreciated the exploration of what conflict is and generative conflict is. The prompts for the small group discussions were thought-provoking. Thank you!" - Monika

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"I appreciated the exploration of what conflict is and generative conflict is. The prompts for the small group discussions were thought-provoking. Thank you!" - Monika

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Mending Session #4: Mending via Policy: Reparations

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Mending Session #4: Mending via Policy: Reparations

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Mending Session #4 Mending via Policy: Reparations

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Join LLC and Brittni Chicuata in a conversation about reparations to explore how we navigate the journey toward mending in policy and community. Through candid discussions, we'll delve into the heart of mending relationships, reimagining possibilities, and revitalizing faith in collective action.

Key Themes and Discussion Points:

1. Mending Faith in Policy: We'll reflect on experiences where policies have failed or been defunded and discuss strategies for rebuilding trust and resilience within communities. We'll share insights into recognizing and overcoming biases that hinder mending efforts within the policy sphere.

2. Community Engagement in Policy-making: What does engaged community involvement look like, and how can empowered individuals self-organize around their values? 

3. Safe Spaces for Black Leadership: Recognizing the unique challenges faced by Black leaders, particularly women, we'll reflect on how our dreams for liberation can flourish without constraints.

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Mending Session #3: Intergenerational conflict, power, & liberators ways forward, together.

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Mending Session #3: Intergenerational conflict, power, & liberators ways forward, together.

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Mending Session #3: Intergenerational conflict, power, and liberatory ways forward, together.

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Are the Baby Boomers hoarding power? Is Gen X upholding systems of oppression? Did lazy millennials quite quit the workforce? Does anyone understand what Gen Z is even saying? 
Are generational differences holding back the social good sector?  
In this session, we invite participants of all generations (18 and older) to join the LLC team in a dialogue to move beyond sweeping generational assumptions and explore the intricacies of intergenerational conflict in the social good sector. Through breakout rooms, activities, and even some fun, we aim to create a space for participants to share their experiences, delve into the dynamics of power sharing and its fundamental importance, and uplift practical and liberatory ways forward together.

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Mending Session #2: Mending Practice Experimental Field Trip

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Mending Session #2: Mending Practice Experimental Field Trip

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Mending Session #2: Mending Experimental Field Trip

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We are grateful to be able to offer you an opportunity to learn the artful and practical skills of visible mending, inspired by time-honored Japanese Sashiko, directly from Jessica Marquez, the author of Make + Mend. We hope that participants in this session will take what they learn from the experience of using their hands for visible mending to inform their ideas of conflict, healing, and transformation. In this interactive virtual workshop, participants will delve into the history of Sashiko, explore inspiring examples of mended clothing, and engage in hands-on making. You'll learn techniques for patching, discover the essential tools and materials, master the art of drawing and stitching patterned sashiko, and pick up some valuable tips and tricks along the way. Whether you bring an article of clothing to repair, embellish, or follow along with the demo using the provided scrap fabric, this session promises to be a unique learning experience. 

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Mending Session #1: Why conflict matters: A grounding conversation

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Mending Session #1: Why conflict matters: A grounding conversation

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Mending Session #1: Why conflict matters: A grounding conversation

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This session explored the significance of learning to handle conflict generatively within movement work. We will engage in conversations exploring why mending is pivotal for fostering sustainable progress and unity within our work towards liberation. 

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Why Conflict Matters: A grounding conversation. 

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Why Conflict Matters: A grounding conversation. 

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Cultural, Transformational Organizer, Facilitator, and Trainer.

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https://lagniappeconsulting.com

Conflict Transformation Consultant and Coach.

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https://www.miniaturerhino.com

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Emerge California Announces Four New Board Members

San Francisco reparations committee proposes a $5 million payment to each Black resident

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Co-director

https://www.spearitwurx.com

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Co-director

https://www.spearitwurx.com

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Recap Mending #5: The Art of Repair: Harmony and Dissonance

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Recap Mending #5: The Art of Repair: Harmony and Dissonance

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Leadership Learning Community - Making Space For Relationship Building

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On May 14, 2024, LLC hosted "The Art of Repair: Harmony and Dissonance," the closing session of our five-part Mending Series. The session offered an opportunity to engage with art as a way of soul-mending through a conversation with Mizan Alkebulan-Abakah, MPH, and Sizwe Andrews-Abakah, the co-creators of Spearitwurx .

Our discussion further explored conflict and how it can be mended through the lens of art. Mizan and Sizwe shared their experiences of navigating the space between dissonance and harmony while also exploring innovative art as a way to move through conflict. The conversation aimed to provide a new perspective on conflict by discussing, viewing, and listening to art.
Meet Our Speakers
Mizan and Sizwe are both artists and the co-creators of Spearitwurx . This Oakland-based organization inspires Intergenerational Wellness and Racial Healing through cultural arts, community events, strategic consulting, and transformative educational experiences.

Mizan is also a certified Healing Centered Engagement Trainer with Flourish Agenda and has a master's degree in public health. She is an experiential and Installation artist and has exhibited work throughout California. She is the artist and curator of the Experience Sankofa Project Living Museum . As a certified Therapeutic Yoga instructor by Niroga, Mizan incorporates creative expression and dynamic mindfulness into her work for social transformation. See more of Mizan's art here .

Sizwe is an educator, radical healer, and mentor who has worked throughout the Bay Area. As Co-Founder and Director of Cultural Engagement at Spearitwurx, he approaches the work with passion and insight. Sizwe believes that connectedness is our currency and that building authentic intimacy is key to our relationships. The practice of being vulnerable with each other can help us get to a place of transformation and liberation. Sizwe utilizes his skills as a performer to build awareness and connection and open doors to self-mastery. Sizwe, also known as Spear of the Nation, is an MC and producer. Spear has released 11 studio albums, both as a solo artist and with the groups Lunar Heights and Potliquor, and has been featured on a host of songs over the past 20 years of his career. To see more about Spear of the Nation music, see www.spearofthenation.com.

Art by Mizan (Black Love & Black Life 2020)
What We Learned From Our Speakers
In a deep dive into visuals, sounds, words, and analogies, Mizan and Sizwe described their approach to moving through conflict to transformation. Many of their shared ideas centered on connection to self, connection to breath, finding your light and power to appropriately connect to others, and practice, practice, practice.

Here are some highlights from our speakers on mending:

"My go-to tool to help build and repair - a deep breath. Come to the space centered, whole, and clear. The breath helps me clarify what is mine to hold and what is others to do." - Mizan.

" It's the three "I"s: 1. Internal - deal with what's going on with me so when I step out to the Interpersonal relationship, I am functioning as my highest self. Then hopefully, we can build an Institution - a friendship, continuing family or co-worker relationship, whatever the institution - we are building something that will last. Those lifetime relationships are going to require a lot of mirror work. A lot of it has to do with how you fill yourself up with power." - Sizwe.

"Being able to have a deep understanding, awareness, and acceptance of who you are. Then refine who are and decide that I want to step into my highest self and be a better human" - Mizan.

"How do I fill myself up with so much love and light? That it doesn't matter what's around me." - Sizwe.

"We really need resources and space to practice. We need to move past theory. The more mistakes, the better you get." -Sizwe.

Reflections from Session Participants

"It makes me wonder about the relationship between presence and belonging . . . the inclusion of varying perspectives, beliefs, ideas, values. Is our work to make music of it? To find the places where harmony can occur and even when we cannot, we don't discard any relationships or humans but transform our relationships to each other?" - Atia.

"[I am] recommitted to a journey of creative healing and listening!" - Jonesey.

"There is a good quote that Jallaluddin Rumi has shared with us: 'The Wound is where the Light Enters you'"- Mehrangiz.

"Grateful to you, Mizan and Sizwe! Inspiring work and words." Toni.

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Recap: Mending Session 5: The Art of Repair: Harmony and Dissonance

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The session offered an opportunity to engage with art as a way of soul-mending through a conversation with Mizan Alkebulan-Abakah, MPH, and Sizwe Andrews-Abakah, the co-creators of Spearitwurx.

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Recap Mending #4: Mending via Policy: Reparations

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Recap Mending #4: Mending via Policy: Reparations

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Leadership Learning Community - Making Space For Relationship Building

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On May 6, Leadership Learning Community hosted Mending Session #4: Mending via Policy, Reparations with Brittni Chicuata. It was healing to be conversing about the power we as community members hold and how to mend our relationship with policy.

When we were dreaming up our contribution to the Mending Series. We wanted to highlight how policy is an essential part of mending, specifically as an avenue to repair structural harm to groups who have been historically disenfranchised. One example of a reparative policy is reparations. Last year in California, a pioneer reparations task force voted on more than 200 recommendations on legal, medical, and monetary forms of restitution for descendants of slaves. Another is indigenous land return which hopes to return acres of land back to the care of indigenous caretakers through land trusts .

The path toward meaningful progress and transformative social change is filled with obstacles, no doubt. As we grapple with what it means to witness reparative policies become structurally defunded, we invite you to think about some of the questions that came up for us as we prepared for this session:
"How do we mend our relationship to power and policy as a means of transforming our communities?" "How do we keep hope alive and recommit to our shared visions of a better world?"
It's clear that what the world needs right now is mending. It's a practice we must tend to on multiple levels: at the personal level, as we saw in our second mending session where we engaged in a Japanese mending and embroidery practice ; at the community level to heal divisions, as we saw in our third mending session, a conversation on intergenerational power sharing ; and especially at the level of governance to mend the divide between policy and material change, as we learned from the Director of Economic Rights at the San Francisco Human Rights Commission, Brittni Chicuata .

We want to reiterate that the practice of mending is more than healing individual relationships; it's about creating communal understanding and recommitting materially to address injustice. We believe repair, a practice rooted in indigenous healing and accountability, is key to this work.
Brittni left us with some key learnings:

Rebuilding Trust: When policies fail or promises are broken, community members and leaders become the bridge to mend trust and heal together. Empowering community members to advocate for themselves and challenge authority figures can rebuild trust, foster change, and be a transformative experience for some.

"Policy is much more dynamic than just taking - in just an exclusionary practice - it can also heal and repair." - Brittni.

"When we come together as a collective, share our stories, we are not alone in this - we can make our experience different and challenge power" - Brittni.

Connecting to Indigenous Practices: Indigenous practices, such as those surrounding maternal health and collective decision-making, offer valuable healing and policy development approaches. For example, challenging practices that separate mothers from their communities after childbirth. We should connect and promote ancestral practices, prioritizing rest and collective support after birth.
"For the communities that still like show up all the time with like the supernatural level of faith in a better outcome - even though they're operating in a system that has messed them over time and time again - that that's like a really indigenous and spiritual way of approaching the work." - Brittni.

Assuming Ignorance, Not Ill Intent: Approaching policymakers with an open mind and educating them about the community's needs.

Reparations are not solely economic: It involve mending and healing relationships. Incorporating indigenous practices into policymaking can lead to more holistic and effective solutions in the ongoing fight for reparations. We can create a more just and equitable future by connecting policy to lived experiences and ancestral wisdom.

Below are some of the appreciations that were shared in the chat:

"Grateful for the LLC Team, Sadia, and Brittni for holding this space. I will take away the vision of luxury for our communities. I will also be processing my relationship with hope and how to mend my own faith in policy." - Vera.

"I am grateful for you demystifying policy by linking it to humanity 🙏🏾"- Sree.

"I look forward to researching Bear Coon (I hope I got that right) and to learn more about Brittni's work 🙂 I am so grateful for all that is shared. I look forward to going back and rewatching these Mending Series Recordings. There is so many layers of learning there!!!" - Mehrangiz.

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Recap: Mending Session #4 Mending via Policy: Reparations

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On May 6, Leadership Learning Community hosted Mending Session #4: Mending via Policy, Reparations with Brittni Chicuata. It was healing to be conversing about the power we as community members hold and how to mend our relationship with policy.

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Recap: Mending #3 Intergenerational Conflict, Power and Liberatory ways forward, together. 

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Recap: Mending #3 Intergenerational Conflict, Power and Liberatory ways forward, together. 

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Leadership Learning Community - Making Space For Relationship Building

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Are the Baby Boomers hoarding power? Is Gen X martyring themselves by carrying all the work? Did lazy millennials "quiet quit" the workforce? What is Gen Z saying? Are generational differences holding back the social good sector? What are the tensions created by generational differences in the workplace? How do we value the opinions of younger generations? What does it look like to be in right relations in-person and virtually at work? How do you do good relationship-building work in these times?

On April 17, 2024, we invited participants of many generations to join the LLC team in a dialogue to move beyond sweeping generational assumptions and explore the intricacies of intergenerational conflict in the social good sector.
What did we learn?
Overall, LLC observed that navigating work across generations is complex but not inherently problematic. Though conflicts and mistakes are unavoidable, our orientation to sweeping generalizations about a whole group of people is a shortcoming that limits us. Social change work is supposed to be disruptive, and it is also meant to be more than that. At the very least, our multigenerational workspaces should be an invitation for a conversation because what we are really seeking are deep human connections.

We gathered learnings from this session in this padlet where we invite you to join and explore . It includes video clips from our session, wisdom that was shared, generalizations we hold, and also inspiration from each generation we work with.
Below is also a glimpse of what leaders shared in the session:

"What it means to people to even be categorized... Different generations have different attitudes about work. It is going to create uncomfortable conversations, but the conversations are really needed." - Lindsey.

"One of the things that we got to talking about was also the distinction between engaging and being in relationship online and in person and different potentially generational approaches and feelings of like comfort and engagement around that... how do you do good organization organizing and relationship building work in these different spaces?" - Bridgitte.

"Distributed leadership is a practice that is needed as more generations are working together." - Nikki.

"We are not always conscious of it and creating space to talk about [intergenerational] issues." - Mehrangiz.

"There was a word that came to mind when we were posed the question of where we feel it in our body. The word was uncloistered... I'm in higher ed...Knowledge always streams from the top down. The conversation allowed me to get into the valleys and marketplace and to see the wisdom there also." - Laura.

"For me, it's really about being ever-present. I just really appreciated the conversation we had in our small group because it reaffirms for me that it really is about being with whomever it is that I'm with, and whatever the differences between us, and being curious to understand where there are opportunities for intersection and linkages are." -Victoria.

"The phrase 'leadership, mentorship, and eldership' came up for me as I was thinking of how some of those are acceptable in a workplace and not... we're trained out of ways of knowing and being and relating." - Jennifer.

"I was looking up the dates for each generation. I came across a description of Gen X...we were called the slacker generation...they were described as lazy, arrogant, unreliable, cynical, and particularly oriented to self rather than to teams. Think about how we apply this to the following generation over and over and over again and how that kind of informs our ability to work collaboratively across generations." - Ericka.

"A lot of these things are cyclical." -Cynthia.

"This nonprofit industrial complex will eat you up. Be kind to each other. Model the world we're looking for." - Ericka.

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Recap: Mending Session #3 Intergenerational conflict, power, and liberatory ways forward, together.

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On April 17, 2024, we invited participants of many generations to join the LLC team in a dialogue to move beyond sweeping generational assumptions and explore the intricacies of intergenerational conflict in the social good sector.

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Recap: Mending #2 Experimental Field Trip

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Recap: Mending #2 Experimental Field Trip

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Leadership Learning Community - Making Space For Relationship Building

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People from many different places were able to join, including Oaxaca, Mexico; Petaluma, California; and New York City. We sent kits out to community members who signed up beforehand. Jessica walked us through a ninety-minute practice in which participants learned a new mending technique, asked lots of questions, and reflected on the role of mending in other parts of their lives.

Sashiko is a traditional Japanese mending and embroidery practice that dates back to the Edo period (1603-1868). For contemporary Japanese American artists such as , Sashiko is helpful not only in the context of mending fabric but also in strengthening intention, repairing communal bonds, and tending to one's time by slowing down. During our time together, Jessica shared the importance of tension in Sashiko. When stitching, one has to create tension to pull the needle through the layers of fabric to complete a full stitch. Jessica also emphasized the importance of being playful and open to imperfection when mending. When one of our participants asked how to start over because they'd made a mistake, Jessica's advice was to keep going.

The lesson? See what new patterns emerge by not fighting the tension but instead allowing it to lead you to a solution. Adding a new stitch by mistake changes the dynamic of the fabric, but it doesn't ruin it. It just allows for more transformation, and even the perceived "errors" in mending become part of the story. When we encountered technical difficulties during our session, we found a way through the mending process together. We were able to practice a fundamental belief that even after grace and lots of communication, sometimes apologizing publicly is part of mending.

What happens, then, when the fabric you mended wears thin again? In Jessica's words, "Once you've completed a project, it doesn't mean you've mended it forever and you're done. You'll probably need to mend it again." We have appreciated the idea of continued repair when mapping this concept to interpersonal conflict that may re-emerge even when you may have thought it was previously resolved through conversation, intervention, and holding loving space.

We hope this visible mending field trip provided space to connect with others, surfaced new ideas about transformative conflict and offered a new way to practice mending. You can buy Jessica's book "Make and Mend" on her , where she also offers online and in-person mending classes as well as tools and materials to get started on your Sashiko journey.
Some questions to chew on:

1. How do you approach navigating a new skill?

2. Who do you practice repair with?

3. What stories have you told yourself about conflict, and what parts of those stories need mending?

Some lessons from our session:

Hand stitching in community is a powerful way to mend with a group. It has physically quantifiable effects on calming the nervous system, and it's fun. It's also a tactile way to reconnect to the world and others.

As you continue to make connections between hands-on mending and your ideas around conflict, healing, and transformation, we invite you to consider the following reflection questions:

Slow down, notice, and name. What emotions arise as you engage with this visible mending practice? Use Tool if Helpful

Take a deep breath and listen. What are you telling yourself about those emotions? Are you judging yourself? Are you able to find space to be gentle with yourself?

Begin Your Conflict Purpose Statement. What lessons from this hands-on visible mending session do you want to carry with you as you continue to explore your approach to conflict, mending, and transformation?

Some reflections from community members:

"What a wonderful space. This brought me back to my mending days, and is inspiring me to reach out to my aunt who does a lot of really intricate traditional Indian embroidery!" - Hilma.

"What a perfect way to spend my afternoon 🥰 I'm left thinking about how deeply connected repair work is to creativity. Thank you, Jessica and LLC. " - Sree

"Thank you for the joy, laughter and time to look at repair work in such a different way. My mind is still stitching it all together." - Goddess

"So grateful for such an amazing opportunity to learn and practice creative hand mending - transformational on so many levels. Jessica - much gratitude for your lovely teaching skills." - Kinkini

"This was insightful and fun. I just got into crafting/mending, which was very interesting and helpful. In terms of reflection, I think the conflicts I noticed were in the "mess" of the thread and the inconsistencies in stitching and, gathering and alignment with the grid. I felt inclined to "hide my mistakes" and be embarrassed by imperfection. This was revelatory. There are ways I've been socialized to be ashamed of conflict/tension/imperfection. However, it's right there at those intersections that growth occurs." - Jessica

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Recap: Mending Session #2 Mending Practice Experimental Field Trip

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In this interactive virtual workshop, participants will delve into the history of Sashiko, explore inspiring examples of mending clothing, and engage in hands-on making.

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Recap: Mending #1 Why Conflict Matters: A Grounding Conversation.

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Recap: Mending #1 Why Conflict Matters: A Grounding Conversation.

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Leadership Learning Community - Making Space For Relationship Building

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On Monday, March 11, the Leadership Learning Community launched the first session of the Mending Series: Why does conflict matter: A grounding conversation. We had a wonderful session that explored the complexity of conflict and generative transformation within movement work. Aida Cuadrado Bozzo and Marquita James guided us through a conversation about the transformative possibility of conflict resolution and liberation. Inspired by the ethos of visible mending arts like Kintsugi, we explored conflict as a pathway to growth and connection, embracing imperfection and incompleteness as catalysts for transformation. As we discussed, conflict is not to be feared but embraced as a portal to deeper understanding and alignment. Through self-awareness, empathy, and embodied practices, we can navigate conflict with grace and resilience, turning moments of tension into opportunities for learning and growth. As we continue this journey together, let us hold space for authenticity, curiosity, love, fear, and respect, guided by our want/need for collective liberation. Check out the rest of our Mending series here.

What people said:

"I didn't know how much I needed to be in this space and to hear these thoughts. Excited to build here. ♥️" - Darius.

"There is so much richness in this space, deep gratitude to LLC for offering such a thoughtful series and the offerings of all the community. I always love attending your offerings 🙏🏻"- Mary.

"I'm so excited about the rest of the series and so grateful for today's conversation!"-Samantha.

"This time together was amazing. I appreciate the thoughtful insights and resources. Thank you!"- Cherice

"I appreciated the exploration of conflict and generative conflict. The prompts for the small group discussions were thought-provoking. Thank you!"- Monika.

Who:

The LLC was joined by our amazing community, Aida Cuadarado Bozzo and Marquita James, two people who usher people through conflict and help them develop the skills to engage with conflict in generative and liberatory ways.

Marquita James's work as a conflict transformation consultant and coach is animated by her passion for empowering people to be agents of their own change. Her consulting practice ranges from helping organizations design healthier dispute-resolution systems to helping individuals navigate murky situations. Marquita provides impact-driven, equity-immersed consulting services using innovative solutions to help social change organizations transform the world. Her work centers on the growth, learning, and development of organizations and the individuals within them. Marquita delights in helping organizations embrace healthy, sustainable approaches to conflict transformation, strategy, organizational change, leadership development, and deep exploration of "why are we here doing this thing in this place at this time?" She has facilitated difficult conversations and provided training and coaching since her time with the Harvard Mediation Program at Harvard Law School. When Marquita is not elbows deep in the consulting and coaching worlds, you'll find her hunting for live music, attempting to dance bhangra, or pining for gumbo from her home state.

Aida Cuadrado Bozzo, based in Lansing, MI, by way of Puerto Rico, is a queer Taina/Boricua, a cultural, transformational organizer, facilitator and trainer. For over 15 years, she has worked for social justice across a spectrum of cultures, communities, movements, and sectors. She specializes in designing and implementing leadership development and capacity-building initiatives in organizing, strategy, leadership development , generative conflict communications, racial equity, and innovative program and curriculum designs to serve local, regional, and national organizations, networks, and campaigns. Aida is an auntie, middle child, amiga, and partner.

Why "Mending?":

We were inspired by visible mending arts, such as Kintsugi, the art of repairing pottery with gold. The practice embraces imperfection, impermanence, and incompleteness in a way we find liberatory. We saw this approach to repairing breaks without hiding them as a different way to think about conflict, to normalize it and not just skip to repair or to a repair that obscures conflict like it's a dirty secret.

Why Conflict Matters:

We are talking about conflict in the context of liberatory leadership because, over and over, we've heard from leaders that this is one of the hardest parts of the work. Conflict is an inevitable part of authentic relationships. While it often feels difficult at the time, relationships that go through conflict and reach the other side can be strengthened. By learning to go through conflict while treating ourselves, our partners, and our communities with care, we can turn conflict into opportunities for learning, deeper relationships, stronger values alignment, and transformation. Conflict can also be a "portal" to something new.

​​ "[On conflict] It will happen if we're lucky it happens. If it doesn't, you have yourself a problem." - Marquita James.

"The first step that I take people through and get really clear on is, [to name] for yourself: "What are your values? How do you wanna be in conflict? And what is your commitment?'" - Aida Cuadrado Bozzo.

"[On conflict] as one of the medicines, we can learn how to create to get us where liberation is calling us to go"-Aida Cuadrado Bozzo.

Highlights of Learnings and Discussions from Session #1:

It all starts with awareness and self-reflection:

"It all starts with our ability to surface where we are, how we are, and what our needs are. We need to cultivate the self-awareness that will then enable us to move through conflict more generatively"-Marquita James.

Generative conflict allows us to prevent division and power imbalances while teaching us how to foster empathy and inclusivity.

"Conflict is a full-body response to something that's not in alignment with you, another person, thing, or situation. Generative conflict for me is that whatever is on the other side is often far more valuable than what I'm feeling right now. So generative as in creating tension to arrive somewhere else that hopefully is a good place." - Aida Cuadrado Bozzo.

Our engagement with conflict is a collective process, emerging in and from our communities and families. The group enthusiastically shared that the significance of birth order was relatable (Any older siblings or younger siblings in here? Oops, forgot you middle ones), and there is indeed more behind it. The generational and lineage components of conflict, such as what conflicts the many generations before you had to work through, are also part of the familial conflict story we must examine. Marquita reminded the group that for some of our ancestors, dealing with conflict could cause life-or-death consequences, not merely dis-ease.

"We want to invite you to take it a couple of steps beyond just your family of origin. So, where did they learn how to maneuver through conflict? And the generation before them, and that's when we really start getting into liberatory work around generative conflict."-Marquita James.

Embodied conflict transformation: Marquita discussed how, for many years, discussions about conflict have revolved around talk and communication-how do we articulate our message? And although talk is important, it is insufficient.

"Tending to conflict requires deep embodied awareness and movement... The body keeps the score when we have conflict, and part of the mending process, when done well, is also tending to what the body is holding and how these bodies that have experienced rift can be woven back together." Marquita James.

We need to think, talk, and learn about conflict because avoiding conflict or engaging in non-generative ways has serious consequences for us as individuals and collectives. Aida encourages us to find ways to disrupt some of the disorganizations that happen when we experience conflict. One exercise is to write a purpose statement or commitment for yourself, what you want for yourself, or how you want to be in moments of conflict and grief. Then, pull that out when conflict arises and acknowledge how you're responding. Keep in mind your purpose statement (how you want to be when conflict arises); use this as a guiding light.

"Any moment that you feel deep grief around conflict invite others to help you disrupt it. Let's disrupt this disorganization." - Aida Cuadrado Bozzo.

"We have to get rid of our fear of conflict... We are so fearful of being in a space where folks look at us in a negative light, so we over-perform kindness and over-perform politeness, and when like that sh*t becomes passive-aggressive, and now we have even more deeper conflict." - Darius.

"We have to learn to accept imperfection: "I accept that I can be messy and dope at the same time." This felt like the time to share that!" - Melissa.

As organizations, networks, and community spaces, we need to have conversations about what we mean by bringing your authentic self vs. your whole self into spaces, what we do when people bring it, and how we hold people. Liberation is an invitation to wholeness. How can we learn to navigate conflict so that people are not asked to leave parts of themselves behind?

"I want us to stop telling people to bring their whole selves to work without being honest about what parts of them we can handle. It's creating a lot of unnecessary conflict." - Kelli.

By getting explicit with expectations, we can have a more open pathway to discuss conflicts. An example of this is setting group agreements. This is an example of LLC's conscious agreements for this session .

Embrace partially formed thoughts - raggedy thinking.

Treat yourself and others with care

Listen and respect each other

Take space, make space

Use a learning mindset

Assume nothing and ask questions

Remember the principle of gratitude and experience joy

Expect unfinished business: sometimes you have to sit with things

However, we must also be careful with how we use agreements, as they can be conflict avoidance tools rather than conflict navigation or transformation tools if we aren't careful.

"This is making me think about the intentionality that is required to set community norms so they aren't used to avoid conflict." - Kelli.

Tips & Resources From Speakers, LLC, and Participants:

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Recap: Mending Series #1 Why Conflict Matters: A Grounding Conversation

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This session will explore the significance of learning to handle conflict generatively within movement work. We engaged in conversations exploring why mending is pivotal for the self and fostering sustainable progress and unity within our work towards liberation.