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1. I showed how my passion for football was born and then how it has been fostered through the rest of my life.

2. I need to try and add some more complex sentences, and putting some shorter sentences together to make bigger ones.

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1. I showed how through my dad and I's relationship, it has influenced me to want to have that kind of impact on someone else.

2. I need to focus on grabbing the readers attention. I can do this by starting with a more engaging, action packed sentence.

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1. I showed personal growth in how a trip to a country in which I encountered extreme poverty for the first time, changed my character from an ungrateful ten-year-old, to a mature individual who was motivated to demonstrate gratitude in my words and actions. Also, in how I viewed the world, from thinking that everyone prospers like me, to realizing there are worse conditions in the world, and why coming from such a background would impact a person's life so much.

2. I am going to work on the "show not tell" part of the rubric. Instead of saying directly what "I will do" after or what "I did learn" from the experience, I will focus on the specific examples in real time that show how I learned and grew. This means getting rid of a lot of unnecessary content that is telling, and highlighting the examples that "show" that are already in the text, by rearranging and expanding them. I will also focus more on the sensory details of what I saw in the country.

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1. I showed personal growth through turning my hatred for the game into softening to my brother in-law. I also showed this through my struggle with Ethan, to realizing we were getting closer.

2. Personal Growth: I received feedback to elaborate more on my growing relationship with Ethan, and I plan to add more details about our relationship being odd earlier on in the story. Show, Don't Tell: I was instructed to include less about the actual rules & playing of the game, and I plan to summarize it in one or two sentences to leave extra room to elaborate on person growth.

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1. I showed personal growth by showing how my passion for film has grown over the years and how this has led me to discover what I want to do with my life.

2. I need to add more scentence veriety. im going to do this by changing a lot of the scentences that start with "I"

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1. I showed growth in how observing someone in my life that I respect has taught me a lot of important lessons and has cause me to become the person that I am now.

2. more showing and less telling-added more specific details/ a story

-rewording stuff-reworded stuff :)

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1. I showed personal growth when I explained how my influential person inspired me and made me better. I started from my childhood and worked in chronological order, so naturally there is growth throughout.

2. I need to edit some sentence structure to make it flow better and change a few tenses.

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1. I showed my growth in dealing with a lot of hate and anger from when I was growing up with my brothers

2. Make sure the tenses don't conflict with each other. More vulnerability.

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Revised revision because I didn't see the instructions - Jacie

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Revised revision because I didn't see the instructions - Jacie

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1. I showed personal growth by describing how my upbringing and parenting taught me to care about the health and well-being of our families and nation. I showed this by explain how I want to instruct others and raise awareness about why our diets are secretly killing us.

2. I need to work on showing more vulnerable connection and personal growth. I plan to achieve this by describing how my upbringing influenced my worldview more.

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1. I showed my growth in dealing with change, and improving my mindset/attitude

2. I need to add more sensory details and more sentence structures. I can do this by showing instead of telling to paint a picture

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1. I showed personal growth in how working at camp drastically changed who I am and what I care about. I need to work on showing and not telling my growth.

2. More showing less telling and to add more descriptive and specific interactions. Instead of being 500 words I think im going to expand it and make it 650 so I can elaborate where I need to.

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1. I showed personal growth through how my friend impacted my life. Her life experiences and hardships were something that didn't just stop at her- through my description, I showed that after I spent time with her, my views on suffering have changed. Ex: God turned her story into something that worked for good, even though she didn't necessarily see it play it out.

2. I can work on my tenses in my writing- I plan on going through it, checking consistency, and having someone else double check it. I can also work on my development of personal growth at the end of the story. While I originally planned on making it shorter, I will expand on my friend's impact on me.

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1. At the beginning, I talked about the person that I once was - and gave word pictures and examples to "show". As the essay went on, I showed how my pastor had an impact on me and how it changed my character for the better.

2. I can improve on showing compared to telling and more sentence variety. I can do that by giving more specific examples. I can use more appositives and adverbs for sentence variety.

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1. In my essay I showed how I went from liking to do something that my grandma was teaching me to it actually being something important and meaningful in my life.

2. I want to do better on the "show don't tell" area and the "so what moment." I plan to do this be crafting my paragraphs in a way the flows better to connect my thoughts leading to a clearer "so what" moment. I also want to use better writing craft to contribute to my showing and not telling improvements.

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1. I showed growth through understanding the importance of family games aren't in the winning but rather in the time you spend with the ones you love.

2. I am going to add more of a "so what" moment.

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1. Through my essay, I showed personal growth as it progressed, but mostly it manifested at the end of the essay. The personal growth was me realizing that God always has a plan for me, and throughout the essay that changed from a message preached to me to something that I believed fully and became a part of who I am

2. I need to work on better vocab choice and showing instead of telling, especially as I transition throughout events in time.

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1. I showed growth by realizing how much my dad cares about me, even though we have different interests. I also saw how my dad deals with certain situations and I try to be as patient as him.

2. Have a defining moment in the story that really sticks out and I also need to finish off the story better, I just ended it abruptly.

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1. Work on better flow and transition between ideas. Smooth out certain areas and make sentences simpler.

2. Show more connection and vulnerability throughout the essay about why this interests me. Show personal growth and core values, as well as incorporate a sensory details.

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1. In my essay, I described the realization I had when it came to giving myself grace to unwind and being content with solitude. Through playing Solitaire, I switched my perspective on being alone from something depressing and selfish, to something necessary for growth and reflection.

2. For my final draft, I will work on changing up sentence structure to improve descriptions and the flow of my writing. I will also try to emphasize the point of "so what" I experienced so my moment of realization and growth becomes more clear.

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1. I showed the way Sarah helped me grow in my confidence and how she impacted my life as a whole and my perception of myself.

2. I need to add more specific stories and examples to show how the things she taught me affect me in my day-to-day life and in my relationships

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1. I showed personal growth by becoming my own person, instead of being in Paisley's shadow, but I also expressed how much I love her and wish I could stay there. I showed this growth by talking about our differences and highlighting how growing up has matured me to be confident in myself.

2. I need to work on a "So What" moment that resonates with the reader and shows more of a pivotal moment. I'm not quite sure how, because it was a slow change but I will figure it out.

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Haley Benes

1. Through my early struggle with school, I demonstrated my determination, adaptability, resilience, and curiosity. I learned had to put in time outside of class to succeed.

2. I need to work on the overall impression of the essay. I plan on using more captivating words and complex sentence structures. I also need to work on writing craft. I'm going to correct the grammatical errors in my essay.

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1. At the beginning of my essay, I wrote about my time playing basketball as a little girl and how I have changed since then. I show how I have grown from basketball and what I have learned through it.

2. I need to work on showing rather than telling. I can do this by telling about a specific experience I had through playing basketball.

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Put your name at the top of a padlet.

1. Based on personal knowledge of the intent of your essay writing, what personal growth did you show through your narrative, and how did you show it?

2. What is one or two areas on the rubric that you received peer feedback on, that you are going to work on? How do you specifically plan on achieving that?