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I  agree with Sam

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I think that the writer should be more desriptive.  Add more verbs and adjectives

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It should deffinetly have alot more emotions and be more realistic

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The first half of the paper was way too good for it to be ruined by rushing:( :(

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the writer should include good dialog and not have choppy sentences

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we should iclude more dialoge and emotion

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I think this paper will need lots of detail and dialogue

for anyone to get all 4's

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I didn't like the Opening sentence because in just was a sudden rush

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I think the paper should include lots of detail

about Randy's emotion

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I think that there should be some descriptive sentences and they shouldn't all be generic. #No generic

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I don't think that this writer should include that "I'm in a social club with David, Bob, and three other Socs." I think that this should flow into the text and not just come out with the facts.

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I think we should add alot of randys emotion and confusion after bobs death

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SHINIGAMI WOLF IS BETTER THAN YOUR GRIMM REAPER! MWAHAHAHAHAAA

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SHINIGAMI WOLF IS BETTER THAN YOUR GRIMM REAPER! MWAHAHAHAHAAA

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It's kinda a pet peeve but... when he says 'They are just East-side..." IT NEEDS TO BE THEY'RE NOT THEY ARE! ARRGH! WHY??? T_T

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I think that we should add a lot more of the chareacters  emotions to make the scenes more interesting

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the paper should include discriptive sentences

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I think that the draft needs to include lots of symbolism to fit in with the other parts of the book.

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I think we should add more about the characters and the scene there

in.

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The paper should include lots of detail about Pony trying to hurt Bob, and It was all in self defence

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i think that you should include very descriptive details about what Randy was thinking during the " killing"