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1 2 Polyamory MOOC 2014 Family Relationships - YouTube

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1 2 Polyamory MOOC 2014 Family Relationships - YouTube

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1.2 PolyMOOC Family relationships Additonal information and links. http://padlet.com/fhossmann/Polyfamily Your level of participation is completely up to you as there are no formal grades. The Poly MOOC is a hack on the Science of Relationship course (as offered by Colorado State university). Hack meaning that we take something and use it for something else than intended.

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Polyamory and Children | Psychology Today

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Polyamory and Children | Psychology Today

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Many people assume that it's harmful for children to have more than two parents. Of course, multiple parents are common in stepfamilies, where a child may have as many as four parents from two blended families. In the many cultures where polygyny is permitted, children often grow up with several mothers who cooperate in caring for each other's children. And from time immemorial, older brothers and sisters, as well as extended families of grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, have shared family compounds and taken on significant roles as caretakers. One of the most indelible images from all my travels is a slender elderly man with a wizened face squatting beside a toddler just after dawn in the outskirts of a village in central India. This man looked at the little one, who I imagined to be his grandchild, with a look of such love and devotion that I literally stopped in my tracks, unable to shift my gaze.

As extended families who live together become increasingly rare, especially in the affluent West, polyamorous families are one way that some people are counteracting the isolation of the lone nuclear family and finding ways to provide at-home caretakers for children. Others gravitate toward cohousing or intentional communities that may or may not be monogamously oriented but where adults share some responsibility for child rearing.

Several studies have been done on stepfamilies and children reared communally, but there is still a dearth of research investigating the important question of how polyamory affects children. At the same time, the impact on children is one of the most commonly asked questions whenever the subject of polyamory is raised. Dr. Elisabeth Sheff is an assistant professor of sociology at Georgia State University. She conducted her doctoral research on polyamorous families with children in the mid-1990s and later decided to attempt a longitudinal study of these and other poly families. So far, she's following about thirty families with three or more adults living together who have children between the ages of six and twenty. She'd like to double that and include an ethnically and culturally more diversified group before publishing her findings but says that funding for research on polyamory is scarce.

Dr. Sheff's research focuses on families where three or more adults in committed relationships jointly share responsibility for child rearing. However, open marriages are far more common than group marriages and consequently are impacting many more children. Single parents with intimate networks also are increasingly common and present a similar milieu for children in many respects. All these types of multipartner relationships may shape children's experiences in a variety of ways that have not even begun to be considered, except by theorists and the parents themselves, let alone researched.

As a parent who has raised two children of my own in a variety of nonmonogamous contexts and watched many friends and clients do the same over the years, I have thought deeply about these issues. Over the years, I've socialized with, coached, or spoken at length with at least several hundred other polyamorous families with children and a few dozen middle-aged adults who were raised in families where their parents had open or group marriages or where patriarchal-style polygamy was practiced. While I've made no attempt to "collect data," I've probably observed more modern polyamorous childrearing than anyone on the planet.

In an open marriage or single-parent household, it's quite common for secondary partners to visit regularly, stay over on weekends, or stay for weeks at a time and perhaps for them to become housemates or to move in for a trial period as a prelude to a more permanent arrangement. In situations like this, lovers often take on roles similar to those of aunts and uncles rather than coparents. Parents must decide how and when to integrate these visitors into the family and what, if anything, to say to the children about the new lover who is now sharing Mommy and/or Daddy's bed.
All the recent surveys of polyamorous people find that about half of them are parents. However, at least half of these attempt to hide their extramarital relationships from their children or have teens or adult children whose lives are mainly independent of their parents or utilize polyamorous gatherings, other social occasions, or coaching sessions as a vacation from parenting. As a result, in the course of everyday life, I've had far less opportunity to interact with the children of polys than with their parents, except in the case of personal friends where spending time with the entire family was a natural part of our interactions. Consequently, while I believe my observations can be generalized to a wider population, this may not be the case. It's possible that the children of poly parents I have not met are different from those that I have met.

Dr. Sheff's sample is also skewed in that virtually all her participants thus far come from the network of people who strongly identify as polyamorous and who attend various polyamorous conferences, potluck dinners, or other social events. Dr. Sheff has found that some polyamorous parents are reluctant to talk to anyone "official" because they are concerned about losing custody of their children. The common perception that children in poly (and nonheterosexual) families are at higher risk for sexual abuse than those in monogamous families, which appears to be completely unfounded according to Dr. Sheff, also makes people nervous about talking to her. Her focus has been to rely on unstructured interviews to determine what kinds of experiences children in polyamorous families have, what the internal dynamics of the family are, and what kinds of things these families do that help them survive. Further, she's included nonbiological parents who she says are sometimes more involved in the day-to-day parenting than the biological parents, perhaps because they have more time and inclination for it. Nevertheless, as I spoke with my own contacts and heard what she had found thus far, a cohesive picture began to emerge.

In the absence of existing research on polyamorous families, Dr. Sheff has looked to the research on children of gays and lesbians for clues. There's a fair amount of this research, she says, because much of it is funded from within the gay and lesbian communities themselves who have a "we are family" campaign that funds research as well as political activity. The lion's share of sexuality research money is also going to the study of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered (GLBT) issues, and the little funding that exists for family research comes mostly from conservative groups for whom polyamory is not of interest. The GLBT research has found that essentially all the pressure the children of homosexual parents face is from outside the family. In other words, nothing has been found in the families themselves that's a problem for the children, but they do encounter judgments, prejudice, and negative attitudes from outsiders, such as teachers or neighbors, or are concerned about appearing different. The same appears to be somewhat true for children in polyamorous families, although one bisexual poly parent told me that his teenage son's perception was that polyamory was more acceptable than bisexuality among his peers.

Geography, as well as individual differences, no doubt plays a role in the extent to which children of polyamorous families encounter prejudice or feel different. I've been told by people in Europe and Australia that this is definitely an issue, while for many of the children in Dr. Sheff's study who live in the San Francisco Bay Area, it's not.
Australian researcher and educator Dr. Maria Palotta-Chiarolli points to the need for addressing the ways in which children in polyamorous families may experience discrimination, prejudice, and misunderstanding both from "the wider heteronormative society and from within the gay and lesbian community."

Dr. Pallotta-Chiarolli decided that writing a novel for young adults would be one way to support teens who are struggling to reconcile the realities of their bisexual and/or polyamorous families with the heteronormative mainstream culture. The result was Love You Two, which is the tale of a Pina, a young Australian woman who accidentally discovers that her mother loves two men. Then, when she turns to her uncle for help, she learns that he's bisexual. It's all very confusing for Pina, who loves her mother but has trouble integrating the realization that there are different ways to love.
What's interesting to me is that most of the young adults I know who were raised in child-centered polyamorous families seem to end up giving a higher priority to bonding and sustained intimacy than to freedom, whether they are male or female. While they often attempt both, they seem willing to go for serial monogamy because its continued cultural dominance provides greater ease in intimate connections with partners raised to believe in monogamy. Those who are more determined to pursue radical multipartner lifestyles whatever the cost or who are hungry for sexual variety to make up for a sexually repressed adolescence seem to have a greater need to rebel against the culture norms than the children of the last generation of polyamorous pioneers. This pattern also seems to hold true for the children of more mainstream families who are open with their children about their polyamorous relationships.

As I often joke, if you want your children to be monogamous, practice polyamory!

Excerpted from Polyamory in the 21st Century, by Deborah Anapol, published by Rowman & Littlefield, July 2010, appears by permission of the publisher. This material is protected by copyright. All rights reserved. Please contact the publisher for permission to copy, distribute or reprint.

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Many people assume that it's harmful for children to have more than two parents. Of course, multiple parents are common in stepfamilies, where a child may have as many as four parents from two blended families. In the many cultures where polygyny is permitted, children often grow up with several mothers who cooperate in caring for each other's children.

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Laird Harrison − Children of polyamory: the research

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Laird Harrison − Children of polyamory: the research

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What effects does parents' polyamory have on kids? In the course of writing my novel on this topic, I wondered what research has been done in that area, and got this helpful summary from Claire Q. The notes are hers:
Understanding Non-Monogamies, Meg Barker and Darren Langdridge: "Most social scientific work on intimate relationships has assumed a monogamous structure, or has considered anything other than monogamy only in the context of 'infidelity'. Yet, in recent years there has been a growing interest among researchers and the public in exploring various patterns of intimacy that involve open non-monogamy. This volume gathers contributions from academics, activists, and practitioners throughout the world to explore non-monogamous relationships. Featuring both empirical and theoretical pieces, contributors examine the history and cultural basis of various forms of non-monogamy, experiences of non-monogamous living, psychological understandings of relationship patterns, language and emotion, the discursive construction of mono-normativity as well as issues of race, class, disability, sexuality and gender. This volume will be of interest to academics and practitioners working in the social sciences and anyone who is seeking greater insight into the intricacies of non-monogamous relationships." "To pass, border or pollute" is a chapter by Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli within the book "Understanding Non-Monogamies" mentioned above.
Sexualities Families Schools Curriculum Cultures Polyparents having children, raising children, schooling children, Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli: "Through the use of both quantitative and qualitative data from Australian and US research, this paper is an initial exploration of polyamorous parenting, particularly in relation to schooling and negotiating the implications of heteronormative monogamy on their children's lives. The paper calls for more research and support of polyamorous families as these families are still largely invisible and falling 'between the cracks' of heteronormative monogamous nuclear families and the increasingly visible lesbian and gay families." , Maria Pallotti-Chiarolli: "The first book of its kind internationally, Border Sexualities, Border Families in Schools explores the experiences of bisexual students, mixed sexual orientation families, and polyamorous families in schools. For the first time, a book foregrounds the voices and experiences of these students and families who are 'falling into the gaps' or on the borders of a school's gay/straight divide in anti-homophobia policies and programs, and schools recognizing families as meaning either heterosexual couples, or, increasingly, homosexual couples. Drawing from interviews and online research with students, parents, and teachers, as well as providing a comprehensive overview and analysis of international educational and health research, and media/popular cultural texts, this book addresses the following: _ what are the problematic and/or empowering experiences and strategies of bisexual students, multisexual and polyamorous families in educational systems ? _ what could schools be doing to promote healthy sexual, emotional and social relationships for bisexual students and multisexual/polyamorous families in school communities? _ what recommendations/implementations do bisexual students and multisexual/polyamorous families suggest in regard to school curriculum, school policies, and student welfare in order to acknowledge and support family diversity in school communities? In particular, the research findings which are reported in this book show that 'border sexualities' and 'border families' use three types of strategies: _ passing or normalization and assimilation in school settings; _ bordering or negotiation and navigation between the private world of home and public world of school; and _ polluting or non-compliance and resistance, thereby outing their sexualities and families within the school world. Within a social deconstructionist, multicultural, post-colonial, feminist, queer theoretical framework, this book spans health, education, sociology, psychology, gender, family, sexuality and cultural studies."
These Are Our Children: Polyamorous Parenting is in press, so can't find anything yet.
Treasures of the Island no description, 1 review. Marriage and Alternatives: Exploring Intimate-Relationships Contemporary Communal Child Rearing: A First Analysis Is Group Marriage Viable? Implementing New Relationship Styles in American Families Nonconventional Family Life-Styles and School Achievement: A 12-Year Longitudinal Study All in all, mostly encouraging but disappointingly few authors involved, to my mind. T. Weisner. An encouraging abstract. , T. Weisner- long and un-OCRed abstract which you can find there. Implementing new relationship styles in American families, Sheldon Salsberg: "Group Marriage, as used in this paper, refers to a family structure in which three or more adult members (including at least one male and female) live together on a communal basis and share labor, goods, services, money, and the bearing and raising of children, and have sexual access to each other. Larry L. Constantine and Joan M. Constantine, who have done considerable research on group marriage, estimate that the number of such marriages in the United States probably does not exceed one thousand. In this paper the question is raised and on the basis of personal interviews examined whether or not group marriage is a viable alternative to the existing family structure. The author weighs the problems that he observed against the valuable experiences claimed and comes to the conclusion that apparently the former are too great at the present time for the people involved to overcome." *AGAINST* poly families, as far as the abstract goes... Charley M. Johnston, Robert W. Deisher: "For children, the environment of the intentional community can provide important advantages that few nuclear families are in a position to give. With the dissolution of the extended family and with increasing personal and interpersonal alienation, these advantages are amplified. In the 20 communal groups visited, the observer found significant variation in the degree to which these potential advantages have come to be realized. In each, difficulties-personal, interpersonal and physical-have presented themselves. In the few instances where neither the biological parents nor the extended family of the commune has provided the necessary environment of basic trust, the children have evidenced this lack. Where major difficulties have been overcome and the commune members have been able to realize some of the potential advantages of communal child rearing, the reward has been children who demonstrate self-confidence, openness, warmth, independence and maturity." - not even a review but used copies available.
Polyamorous Families, Same-Sex Marriage, and the Slippery Slope Elisabeth Sheff: "Opponents of same-sex marriage identify multiple-partner families as the pivotal step that, were same-sex marriage legalized, would propel society down a "slippery slope" to relational chaos. Like the families of same-sex partners, polyamorous families-or those with adults in openly conducted multiple-partner relationships-demonstrate alternate forms of kinship not necessarily dependent on conventional biolegal kin, sexual connections, or even chosen kin ties as previously understood. This article extends sociological knowledge by detailing characteristics of relatively unknown family form; comparing original data on polyamorous families with published research on same-sex families instead of heterosexual families, a contrast that decenters heterosexual families as the sole measure of legitimacy while simultaneously expanding knowledge about same-sex families and explaining how polyamorous families' differences have implications for the same-sex marriage debate and how these shifting social norms implicate changes for the field of family studies and larger society."

Strategies in Polyamorous Parenting - another chapter from the Understanding Non-monogamies book, this time by Elisabeth Sheff.

Group Marriage: A Study of Contemporary Multilateral Marriage similarly only a review.

Actually, I was impressed that Claire was able to find as much as she did. I thought this area was virtually unexplored. Is anything missing from this list? Please let us know if you are aware of other research published in this area.

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What effects does parents' polyamory have on kids? In the course of writing my novel on this topic, I wondered what research has been done in that area, and got this helpful summary from Claire Q.

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There are lots of articles and essays of interest to modern Pagans and Heathens out there, more than our team can write about in depth in any given week. Therefore, The Wild Hunt must unleash the hounds in order to round them all up.

Ken Ham's organization, Answers in Genesis (AiG), has filed a suit, making the claim that the National Park Service denied to one of its members a research permit due to his Christian beliefs. According to the case filed this month, Dr. Snelling of AiG was interested in collecting rock samples at the Grand Canyon National Park to "investigate geological phenomena from the perspective of one who believes in the truth of the Old and the New Testaments." Park officials denied the permit, offering him alternative sites and reportedly calling the proposal "outlandish." Americans United agrees with the decision, saying, "AiG as an organization has little regard for sound science. [...] This is theology, not science." Snelling's attorney and AiG believe that Snelling's constitutional rights have been violated, not only citing RFRAs but also Trump's new executive order. The new case (Snelling v U.S. Department of the Interior, et. al.) was submitted May 9 to the Arizona District Court in Phoenix for jury trial.

The Argus Leader published a story on Ásatrú and Heathenry in prison. The article includes a short video interview with Jody Hadley, who found his practice while in the South Dakota State Penitentiary. "Ásatrú helped me become a better person. When I first went to prison, I was a dirtbag. I lied, I was a thief," Hadley told the news outlet. The story goes on to detail some of the hurdles faced by some Heathen groups due to the public's awareness of supremacist groups claiming Heathen religious origins. "One idiot does not a community make," said Ásatrúar Sam Lopez, who is also the father of an incarcerated man who practices Ásatrú in prison.

For "World in Words" podcast on PRI, radio broadcaster Sonia Paul explores the various ways that Americans learn about Indian history and Hinduism in California. She speaks to a variety of individuals to enter the debate on what is being taught, and why. "Many Hindus in California resent that their religion is associated with poverty and caste discrimination." It's more than "caste, cows, and curry."

According to the BBC, a statue representing the Greek goddess Themis was removed from a square in Dhaka, Bangladesh after protests from Islamists. According to reports, the statue was only six months old. Protests from conservative groups began in February, and after consideration, the prime minister agreed to remove it. However, secularists then entered the debate with counter protests. As the BBC reports, the statue is being removed "to help keep the peace."

"The spell is working," believes Los Angeles Times writer Diana Wagman. She begins, "I cast a spell on the president. I was not alone. Thousands of witches, believers and people like me all over the world performed 'A Spell to Bind Donald Trump and All Those Who Abet Him' under the waning crescent moon last month. It was not meant to physically hurt him, only to keep him from succeeding at his tasks. Now he's complaining he's the object of a 'witch hunt.' Maybe the spell is working." In the article, she said that she planned to do the spell again May 23.

But, wait, did New York Magazine Daily Intelligencer just call Trump a pagan? In an article "The Pope and the Pagan," Andrew Sullivan concludes that Trump is "neither religious nor irreligious. He is pre-religious. He is a pagan."

In a lifestyles article for Wired Magazine, writer Julian Sancton explores the seemingly growing interest in polyamory within the Silicon Valley community. Sancton speculates,"Perhaps that's because making [polyamory] work is as much an engineering challenge as an emotional one, requiring partners to navigate a complex web of negotiated arrangements. (There's an app to keep track of that, obvs: The Poly Life.) Some enthusiasts even claim it's the way of the future." One valley-based polyamorist told Sancton, "If life extension is possible, we might have to think about relationships differently. It's pretty hard to have an exclusive relationship with someone for 300 years."

Ár nDraíocht Féin: A Druid Fellowship grove was featured in Salon magazine in May. The long and detailed article, written by Caitlin Dwyer originally for Narratively, is titled "Meet the modern day Pagans who celebrate the ancient gods" and features ADF's Columbia Grove based in the Pacific Northwest. Dwyer visited the group during for ritual and participated in the experience. She concludes, "When it doesn't work, it looks like cheap theater. But when it does, something inside turns like a combination lock until it clicks, and then slides open. After all, there is nothing like watching the world respond to you."

A recent Big Think article opens with this question: "What would you think if you were looking into the night sky and saw a purple column of light streak vertically in front of you?" The Northern Lights, typically align horizontally and are a different color. The Big Think article then goes on to describe this new phenomenon, which has since been unofficially named "Steve" by the citizen astronomers in Alberta, Canada who first discovered it. The European Space Agency has confirmed its existence and, according to reports, it can be seen from Canada's Hudson Bay all the way to Alaska.

Lastly, David Lynch's popular Twin Peaks series from the 1990s is now being re-imagined for contemporary audiences. The new show picks up 25 years after the last, in the hope of captivating audiences in the same mysterious way the original did. Recently, occult historian Mitch Horowitz interviewed David Lynch about the show, film making, and his personal practice of transcendental meditation. The full hour interview can be heard on Interfaith Voices.

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There are lots of articles and essays of interest to modern Pagans and Heathens out there, more than our team can write about in depth in any given week. Therefore, The Wild Hunt must unleash the hounds in order to round them all up.

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Children in Polyamory Families - Poly Living - Polyamory in a Modern World

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Children in Polyamory Families - Poly Living - Polyamory in a Modern World

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Poly Living - Polyamory in a Modern World

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Recently we wrote about how there has been some research into polyamory. We touched on how polyamory effects children. I'd like to explore that aspect of the research more fully and how we've seen polyamory effect children and families. Due to the extensiveness of this topic we will break it into several articles.

Before I go further, I want others to understand that I don't write this flippantly. I write this as a polyamorous father and husband. I have children that came into our family with one of my spice and children I fathered with all of my spice. We have raised children from infancy into adulthood in a polyamorous family. Whether by blood or by marriage, they are my children through and through. As we raise the last of our children into adulthood, I can honestly speak from experience concerning the effects of dating, exes, adding new partners and raising children in a multi-partner household. Our experiences may not be everyone's, but it does give us a frame of reference in which to evaluate this topic. Deborah Anapol, Ph.D wrote an excellent article titled " Polyamory and Children ". It is worth a read.

The topic of children is obviously a sensitive one. As adults, we make choices for our lives that not only affect us but can impact the lives of our children. It is not only selfish but irresponsible of parents not to consider this when considering polyamory. Any parent entering into any relationship, whether monogamous or poly, should always consider the impact on their children. Some polyamory proponents would argue that there is no reason for anyone to worry about the children. They will say polyamory is a healthy relationship alternative and no one needs to question how it will affect the children. In a perfect world this would be true. The problem is not necessarily that polyamory is bad for children in a family but that a relationship/family dynamic is created that conflicts with a pro-monogamous society. Whether we like it or not, there will be conflict from the world around us. This monogamy only society will want to tell our children that their family is wrong and if they like or agree with their polyamory family, something is wrong with them.

Our choice to be polyamorous will affect our children, whether positive or negative. What we choose to do will impact them. Never take your children lightly in this matter. Boyfriends, girlfriends, ex-husbands and wives and new husbands and wives will impact your children. Teachers and parents of your kid's friends can impact your children's lives. It can be positive or negative, but it can happen.

I believe that polyamory is just as acceptable a family dynamic as monogamy. Like any successful family, it takes time, effort and work from everyone involved.

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Children in Polyamory Families - Poly Living - Polyamory in a Modern World

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Recently we wrote about how there has been some research into polyamory. We touched on how polyamory effects children. I'd like to explore that aspect of the research more fully and how we've seen polyamory effect children and families. Due to the extensiveness of this topic we will break it into several articles.

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A place to discuss poly.

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Polyamory (from Greek πολύ [poly], meaning "many" or "several", and Latin amor, "love") is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. It is distinct from both swinging (which emphasizes sex with others as merely recreational) and polysexuality (which is attraction towards multiple genders and/or sexes)

This community is public (including all posts and the members list).

See e.g. http://www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html for poly intro info.

The Rules:
#1: Please remember that it's ok to link things here, but that the expectation is that you will write a short paragraph of text introducing your link to your article, blog, link, pictures, discussion topic, etc. and that It must be topical to the Poly community.

#2: No advertisements for services or for partners, I.E. no things like dating sites and no "I'm looking for a unicorn in Hoboken, NJ" type posts. We as a group have decided that we don't want personals, sexy pictures, etc. That includes advertising for other poly groups. Note that blog posts are not considered ads, and links to your blog articles about polyamory are welcome, so long as they are not solicitations for services or partners.

#3: This is a discussion community devoted to helping one another, support, and outreach.

#4: No reshares. Please avoid resharing things that were shared elsewhere first. Make the same post an original post here please if you feel you must. The exception to this is something that you write a well thought out intro post to. Something that makes it's relevance clear, and poses a question for debate.

#5: Communication is key. Arguing with moderator decisions is not. Do not publicly argue with the staff once a decision about something has been made. Please contact the community owner directly in case of a dispute with a moderator.

#6: The staff reserve the right to summarily delete comments, and posts if they break the rules, as they don't really contribute here.

Thank you.

We are now on FetLife as well! Come on by. FetLife gives our members another option, one that allows private posting to a group. Things posted on FetLife cannot be read unless you are logged into FetLife, granting an additional measure of privacy.

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Polyamory (from Greek πολύ [poly], meaning "many" or "several", and Latin amor, "love") is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

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Find "Polyamory and MOOC" group on Facebook.

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Log into Facebook to start sharing and connecting with your friends, family, and people you know.

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Meet a polyfamily.

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Group marriage implies a strong commitment to be faithful[when defined as? ] by only having sex within the group and staying together longterm. The group may be open to taking on new partners, but only if all members of the family agree to accept the new person as a partner.

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In the ancient Amazon, children had many fathers - and women many lovers

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In the ancient Amazon, children had many fathers - and women many lovers

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Few cultures are as sexually liberated as those of the ancient Amazon rainforest. Nearly 70 percent of the tribes practiced multiple paternity, in which all of a woman's sexual partners were fathers to her children.

It was commonplace for people to be open about having multiple sexual partners in the ancient Amazon. Open sexual arrangements were socially accepted, even expected, according to anthropologist Robert Walker. And these multiple attachments were anything but casual. Men acted as father figures to the children of any and all of their partners. A woman could marry one man, making him the primary father to her children, but all the other men in her life would be considered vital secondary fathers.

As Walker explains, this was partly because of the ancient Amazonians' rather unique take on genetics:

"In these cultures, if the mother had sexual relations with multiple men, people believed that each of the men was, in part, the child's biological father. It was socially acceptable for children to have multiple fathers, and secondary fathers often contributed to their children's upbringing. In some Amazonian cultures, it was bad manners for a husband to be jealous of his wife's extramarital partner. It was also considered strange if you did not have multiple sexual partners. Cousins were often preferred partners, so it was especially rude to shun their advances."

For children, having as many fathers as possible had its advantages. More dads meant more gifts and support for the child, which is known to increase a youngster's odds of reaching adulthood. Besides, it was a rather pragmatic solution to a basic fact of life in a culture where warfare was all too common and brutal. If a child's primary father died, he or she would have other males around to step in and act as father figures, easing the newly widowed mother's burden.

Men also benefited from this system. Sharing paternity brought men together, cementing bonds and friendships (basically, just like Three Men and a Baby, just with less Steve Guttenberg). Indeed, one of the best ways for two men to cement an alliance was to share wives, often in a family - brothers were some of the most frequent wife-sharers.

According to Walker's new research, of 128 indigenous groups in lowland South America, 53 are known to practice multiple paternity, while only 23 are known to practice single paternity. The remaining 52 don't have clear conception beliefs, making it difficult to know whether they once possessed this custom. That means at least 40% and perhaps as much as 70% of these groups once practiced multiple paternity, which definitely means it was a common feature of Amazonian civilization.

[via Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences]

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In the ancient Amazon, children had many fathers - and women many lovers

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Few cultures are as sexually liberated as those of the ancient Amazon rainforest. Nearly 70 percent of the tribes practiced multiple paternity, in which all of a woman's sexual partners were fathers to her children. It was commonplace for people to be open about having multiple sexual partners in the ancient Amazon.

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This is a starting point, where you can search further what catches your attention.

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History of Polyamory - It's a Womans Choice

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Ecotopian Encyclopedia , Ernest Callenbach contends, "In the long sweep of human history, the nuclear family will probably be seen as a very brief aberration, brought about by the special needs of industrial capitalism and the isolated suburban living made possible by cars, but insufficient for nurturing and supporting human beings.

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We are a Polyamorous Tribe. Ask Us Anything.

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We are a Polyamorous Tribe. Ask Us Anything.

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Another way of doing it

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We are a core group of seven who are committed for life to one-another. One of our seven (HE from the diagram) still resides in the state from which the rest of us just moved until she finishes school in December.

The remaining six of us live together, with a couple of members of another polytribe that we have a relationship-overlap with.

Several of us may be responding to this thread.

These are all redditors, and may or may not choose to reply. At the least I can promise responses from myself, anarashka, thecaitiff, and xianoth.

To get you started, here's a diagram of our relationships. I drew it in paint, so please forgive the cheesyness of it. Ask us anything!

Edit 2: Thanks to whichever kind person sent me gold! Appreciated!

Edit 3: Updated the first map and redditor listing to add /u/boeshyk to the list (originally listed as ER) since he just made an account.

Edit 4: Same for KP from the blue circle. She is now /u/porter15301

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r/casualiama - We are a Polyamorous Tribe. Ask Us Anything.

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We are a core group of seven who are committed for life to one-another. One of our seven (HE from the diagram) still resides in the state from which the rest of us just moved until she finishes school in December.

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An online resource and community for and about Polyamory and Polyamorous relationships &amp lifestyles.

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How is your way of doing it? Share your experiences and advice.

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Children, Stigma, and Polyamorous Families

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Children, Stigma, and Polyamorous Families

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As with all sexual minorities, kids in poly families (or poly kids for short, even though I do not mean that the children themselves are polyamorous) are at risk of being hurt by the stigma attached to their parents' romantic lives. The past 40 years of LGBT+ activism has made same- sex relationships socially recognizable: The majority of the people in the US either know someone who is gay or can at least recognize two women with their children and dogs as a same-sex family. Polyamory, however, remains comparatively obscure so that people are more likely to identify a woman with her two husbands as a couple with a friend/brother/employee instead of a poly triad or vee. This relative obscurity provides poly kids with the ability to pass as "normals" if they wish.
Hiding in Plain Sight
The most common way for kids in poly families to deal with the potential for stigma was to pass as members of divorced families. This was generally fairly easy because divorce and serial monogamy are so common now that many kids have multiple parents, so the poly kids simply blended in with their peers. Poly kids said that, if they did not correct others' assumptions about their families, teachers, peers, and peers' parents would invariably assume their numerous parents were a result of divorce and remarriage. Refraining from correcting others' assumptions did not feel like lying to poly kids, but rather that the information was not necessarily germane to the discussion-those people were not on a need-to-know basis so they merited no further explanation.

Blending in worked best when there were many other children, and the smaller the group the more likely it was that the poly kid would stand out simply because of the greater level of scrutiny possible in smaller groups.
Selective Disclosure
Occasionally peers would ask poly kids about the adults that attended their sporting events or picked them up from school. In some cases the poly kid would evade the question by changing the subject, being silly, or refusing to answer. If the questioner was a trusted friend and they had enough privacy at the moment, the poly kid would often tell the truth. Sometimes poly kids would use filter questions, asking friends what they thought about same-sex marriage or some other issue pertaining to sexual minorities and gauging the safety of disclosing their poly family status on the basis of the friend's reaction to the question.
Forced Disclosure
Getting "outed" as a member of a polyamorous family was usually the worst case scenario for poly kids, and often ended in the most hurtful expressions of stigma and discrimination. Sometimes, when peers or their parents discovered the poly kids' unconventional family lives, they cut off contact with the whole poly family and occasionally even ostracized the polys from their social circles. When peers couldn't tell exactly what was happening but knew the family was somehow different, the poly kid was at risk of being labeled "the weird kid." Similar to children from same-sex families today (or overweight children, kids who stutter, or have too many freckles) or divorced families 30 years ago, poly kids can get teased for being different or having weird families.

Class Privileges

The more social privileges someone has, the easier it is to get away with breaking rules because social privilege provides a buffer against some of the effects of stigma and discrimination. At the very least it can help to get a good lawyer. Studies show that mainstream polys (those who attend community functions, interact online, and participate in research) tend to be white, middle or upper middle class, and highly educated. While there are certainly people of color, working class, and poor people who are polyamorous, the majority of polys are pooling their already higher than average incomes and educational cache to give their families a boost.
Living Liberal
Poly families tend to gravitate to liberal urban and suburban areas seeking a hospitable environment, they often have the financial and familial flexibility to choose alternative schooling for their children if the kids are being bullied at school or even anticipate not being able to fit in comfortably. The presence of multiple adults with advanced education makes it a lot easier to homeschool, and pooling income makes it more feasible to send kids to private or alternative schools. This flexibility allows some poly kids to avoid a hostile social climate, though it can backfire when a private school is so small that each child stands out enough to make passing more difficult. Many poly parents have enough race and class privilege to buffer their children from the most pernicious of effects of external stigma. Buffering them from their grandparents' reaction to polyamory is more complicated, and the next blog will explore relationships with families of origin.

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Children, Stigma, and Polyamorous Families

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How do children who grow up in polyamorous families manage that information at school, with peers, and with peers' parents? This blog post explores the common strategies and outcomes poly kids deal with in relationship to stigma and discrimination based in their unconventional families.

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The concept of polyamory is often misunderstood by the general public and the media. Tell someone you are polyamorous and it conjures images for the average person of swing parties and clubs with people getting it on in dark corners or polygamous families with men controlling unhappy sister wives and lots of children. These images perpetuated by Hollywood are not polyamory, nor do they even represent the swing lifestyle or polygamy accurately.

When it come to families and polyamory, there is even more confusion. Most people just don't get it when you say your children have been raised in a poly family. Often Loving More receives phone calls from the media looking for polyamorous folks to interview. At first they assure you they want to understand and show what polyamory "really is." They are open to learning as long as we can find a triad all living together, young, attractive, with children and willing to all be interviewed. No matter how much we explain to the media that though there are people who have that kind of poly relationship, it does not really represent polyamory as whole. It is also close to impossible to find any willing to risk their family to be interviewed. There are poly families that come in triad form with kids but they are a minority in the world of self identified polyamory people and they are not usually under 30 and model gorgeous. There are numerous books that teach how poly can work and what forms it can take but what does the average polyamorous family with children actually look like?

I am polyamorous and have been since I started dating at age 13. I did not recognize my non-monogamous nature until I was twenty four and a single mom of a one year old boy. At that time I embraced open relationships and thus ended up raising all three of my children in an open - polyamorous marriage. We never lived as a triad or quad though I was always open to that possibility, it was not something we were seeking. Over the years I have seen many poly folks hold this up as an ideal but the reality is it is challenging enough for most of us to find one compatible person we can live with and much more challenging to find two or three. There are those poly people who do find triad or quad bliss all living together and a few that have children but they are not the average poly household.

So what does an average poly family with children deal with? It of course varies from family to family, all I can speak of is my own family. Since polyamory is focused on relationships rather than sex, poly lovers for many people are a part of the family in some way, regardless of address. Though I had an open marriage it was not until 1995 that the issues of lovers and family came up. A man I loved and had been involved with since college came to visit me. E had always been the subject of conversations and was one of the reasons I needed an open relationship. E lives very far away and it is rare we can visit and I was excited to see him. At that time my boys were four and seven. My husband worked and I wanted to show E the mountains here in Colorado so I took E and my boys to a cabin in the mountains. We took them boating and hiking and had a great time. Because the cabin was one room, I did not sleep with E. I did get in bed and cuddle when I knew my kids were deeply asleep. I held E close and kissed but we did not have sex because it was not appropriate given the circumstances. Given a choice I would have loved to have made love to E on that trip but I wanted E to know my kids and for them to know him so I made the choice to include them and not to have sex on the trip. E and I enjoyed the trip very much and in the end holding each other was enough.

A few years later in 1999 another man came to visit. He was a sweetheart from high school who I had been lovers with off and on since 1980. I had dated him while pregnant with my first son and he had been a big support in my life. My son was now eleven and old enough to know something was up so his father and I decided to talk to him. I explained D was coming to visit and that his dad and I had an open relationship. He was like "that's cool". I did not want him to think I was having an affair or that my relationship with his dad was in any danger. D came to visit and he joined us for dinner. He had not seen my son since he was a baby and it was fun. D and I stayed in a hotel close by in keeping with the boundaries I had established with my husband. D went with me when I took the kids skating and he even helped with their school a bit. My daughter, who was five, thought he was wonderful. During the trip my husband and I took D to a poly dinner and the rest of the time I cooked dinner at home and we ate as a family.

Both E and D had been in my life for many years and they still are today. I knew them well and trusted them to be around my children. Some lovers I do not have around my kids at all. Both these men are peripherally a part of my family. If E ever lives closer I have no doubt he would be a fixture in our home though he might never live here.

There have also been lovers who are not so distant. My husband became involved with M and shortly after I became involved as well, we were a triad. M had kids and a primary partner as well. She lived in the same area less than ten minutes from our home. M had kids close in age to my oldest son. M and her kids would come over once a week, usually on Friday. We would cook dinner, watch a movie with the kids and then go to bed. The kids built forts in the living room to sleep in and all five would crash watching movies. Early Saturday morning I would kiss M and my husband goodbye to take my sons to skating. When I returned I would cook breakfast for everyone or go back to bed and snuggle with M and my hubby. It was wonderful. The kids always had a good time hanging out. M and I would plan parties together and they often came over on Holidays. When my son broke his leg it was M who showed up to stay with my younger children while my husband and I were at the hospital. We supported each other as a family. M and my husband broke up while M and I were together for five years ending about the same time my husband and I divorced.

Like many monogamous couples my husband and I divorced in 2007 as we had both changed and wanted different things. 2007 was the same year my partner Jesus moved to Colorado and in with me and my kids. My husband and I separated in 2003 and I met Jesus in 2005. My kids met Jesus in 2005 at the annual poly family campout I host each year. I never force people on my kids or my kids on my lovers. To my delight and surprise my kids really liked Jesus and he liked them. When I asked my kids two years later how they felt about Jesus possibly moving to Colorado they got excited and asked if he was going to live with us, they wanted him to be a part of our family and were excited he was moving in. If they had not been ok with it, we would have waited.

My children have been raised with awareness of my poly life and within the polyamory community. Many of our close family friends are polyamorous families with kids. Most of them have similar stories to mine. My kids meet my lovers when I feel they need to' because I love someone deeply and they are becoming a part of my life. Currently I live with Jesus who is close to my kids, especially the younger two. He has become a father in many ways to my daughter. I am involved with Ben whom I met at Loving More in 2003 and still with E though I have not seen him in many years. Ben has met my kids and my daughter is always excited to see him on the rare occasions he visits or we see him at a conference. Ben's son and my daughter are close in age and have hung out at events I run. I love Ben and I really care about his long term partner. I consider Ben and his family as part of my extended family. When Ben visits he sleeps in the guest room and at times I sleep with him and at times with Jesus. My kids have always been aware that I have intimate relationships and it is not strange at all to them. Holidays are often a hodge podge of poly extended family and community where mine or Jesus' lovers might or might not be in the crowd. My children are not privy to the details of my personal sex life but they do meet the people who matter and are important to me and part of my life. They see me snuggle with different people and they see Jesus do the same. They are completely aware we love many people and that some are intimate partners.

One day we may have lovers who share our home or at least our property. For now we are surrounded by poly friends and lovers who are our extended family of choice. There are often visitors in our home and we love entertaining. We continue to host a family camp out and an annual Thanksgiving potluck to bring together poly families with their children and build a sense of community. Our poly family and community most remind me of a church group my parents were a part of when I was growing up. We were part of a family group that met regularly, hosted potlucks and even took weekend trips. The kids played and hung out and the adults talked and played cards. I don't think they were lovers but for all I knew or cared they could have been. What I remember was the feeling of community and extended family. I loved that feeling then and I still do now.

I do not know what the future holds for my family or my lovers. For now this is what my polyamorous family looks like, friends, lovers and family coming together to laugh and share their experiences, support, fears and love. For me it beats the hell out of the loneliness I felt the last years I spent at home with my mom, sister and step dad in our seemingly normal nuclear family. In the end for most poly people it is the love that binds us, not our address or even physical proximity to one another. I wonder if the press will ever really understand this?

Loving More staff writer - Robyn Trask ( 48 Posts)

Robyn is the Executive Director of Loving More Non-Profit, a national leader for polyamory awareness, polyamory counselor, workshop facilitator and writer. Since 2004 Robyn has worked to expand media awareness of polyamory appearing in numerous articles, radio shows and TV. Robyn and Loving More were instrumental in the formation of Polyamory Leadership Network. A national speaker and advocate for polyamory she has been a speaker at conferences, taught at universities and been a featured keynote speaker. Robyn has been openly polyamorous for 23 years, raising three children in a polyamorous family. Robyn has been running polyamory support groups, teaching and facilitating relationship and sexuality workshop since 1999. In addition she counsels polyamorous individuals and families. Currently Robyn is working on two polyamory related books.

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Real Polyamorous Families - Loving More Nonprofit

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The concept of polyamory is often misunderstood by the general public and the media. Tell someone you are polyamorous and it conjures images for the average person of swing parties and clubs with people getting it on in dark corners or polygamous families with men controlling unhappy sister wives and lots of children.

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Some how to do it tips

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PolyFamilies. Tips and observations on living in a poly family by an actual quad.