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The blessing and the curse of social media is the ability to connect at any time with your child, no matter where he or she may be in the world. Facebook, Instagram and the rest are keeping our helicopters flying long after they should have landed.

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I sat with a friend a few weeks ago as she scrolled through photos on her phone of her college freshman daughter. She asked me what I thought of the images. This is a strong, intelligent woman with two well-adjusted and successful children.

"Doesn't she look good?" my friend asked me. "Doesn't she look happy? She looks OK, right?"

She looked happy, healthy and beautiful.

Her daughter had recently had a difficult time, which was now over, but her mother -- like all mothers would -- still worried, sometimes, that something might be wrong.

I was reminded of Miss Clavel, the character in Ludwig Bemelman's classic Madeline books, who just knew:

"In the middle of one night
Miss Clavel turned on the light
and said, "Something is not right!"

The blessing and curse of motherhood is always being alert in case something... something is not quite right. From the tone of the voice of a child calling home to the look on a face in a picture online, a parent can just tell.

For generations of parents, sending children off to college meant knowing little to nothing about how their children were doing. Other than the occasional letter or once a week collect call from a dorm room phone, children who had left home were mostly unseen and heard from infrequently. College kids could get into all kinds of trouble, change their hair color or gain the freshman 15 and their parents would know nothing about it until Christmas vacation or summer break.

Now, of course, that's not at all how it is. Parents of college students can spend hour upon hour examining photos on Instagram or (less frequently now) Facebook of their children - counting the beer bottles, assessing their outfits, decoding the body language of their friends or boyfriends or girlfriends (he has his arm around her -- are they a couple?). We look for hints of distress in their eyes, the way their clothes fit, whether they're really smiling or just sort of smiling. We worry when we see photos of parties on a weeknight (did she get to class the next morning?), we worry when we don't see any photos at all (is he lonely?).

I joined Facebook when my daughter left for college in 2008, and quickly found that looking at her pictures was the most fascinating thing about this new online toy. She added me as her Facebook friend, and suddenly I had a window into her life at school, 3000 miles away. Every picture was a clue to how she was really doing, not how she said she was doing. Even across the country, I could be a voyeur, almost daily, of her activities, her moods, her wardrobe choices. This is not a good thing for any parent. Our children need us to leave them alone. We should be kept in the dark about parts of their lives once they are 18, whether they still live at home or, like my daughter did, go to college far away.

College is a time of intense personal growth. Pain is an essential lesson for the emotional leap from childhood to adulthood. Mothers shouldn't be able to see photos in real time that capture their children when they're at their worst -- whether because of too much alcohol or too little happiness. We can, after all, sense when "something is not right," just from a photograph.

The blessing and the curse of social media is the ability to connect at any time with your child, no matter where he or she may be in the world. Facebook, Instagram and the rest are keeping our helicopters flying long after they should have landed.

Maybe it would be better for all of us to be a little less aware of the state of our children's lives once they leave home. Better for the children, and certainly better for the parents.
Previously published on Empty House Full Mind

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Why Parents Shouldn't Stalk Their Kids On Social Media

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I sat with a friend a few weeks ago as she scrolled through photos on her phone of her college freshman daughter. She asked me what I thought of the images. This is a strong, intelligent woman with two well-adjusted and successful children. "Doesn't she look good?" my friend asked me.

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Modern technology has brought many entertainment options for kids. Social media is a great way for them to connect with their friends. Unfortunately, there are also many dangers that can come from social media interaction.

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Modern technology has brought many entertainment options for kids. Social media is a great way for them to connect with their friends. Unfortunately, there are also many dangers that can come from social media interaction. When kids get online they are vulnerable and able to be approached by unsafe people. When kids are online, they sometimes attract people that do not have their best interest in mind. Many pedophiles search the internet regularly, in search of their next victim. Kids may not be able to tell the difference between them and other kids.

You can give your kids rules, however, they are often curious about other people and internet sites. Parents need to be aware of who their kids are talking to. They also need to see what type of sites are being searched. Some kids are extremely social, and enjoy meeting new people, while others may easily stick to a set of known friends. Kids are not supposed to be on certain sites. Some lie about their age, however, to be able to get on social media. It is important that young kids are corrected when they attempt this.

If you have kids that are able to use social media, you are probably dealing with teenagers. This can be a challenge in itself. Take the time to find out what your children are doing on their favorite sites so that you can monitor properly. Once you begin to take a look at their activity, you can have a better idea of how much monitoring each child needs.

We often think that our kids are safer on the internet because they are not physically hanging out in a sea of strangers. Parents are often more nervous to leave their kids at the mall, or at the homes of new friends. The truth is, strangers are just as dangerous on the internet. Social media is meant for fun, however, some people use it for evil purposes. Just like in public places, kids need to be aware of their surroundings. They also need to make an effort to stay within their own social circles.

Strangers may make contact with your kids by messaging them on their social media accounts. They may also get kids to accept friend requests by pretending to be younger. They may even go as far as putting up a profile picture that makes them appear as a child. Kids may not understand how dishonest people behave. When parents check their children's accounts, they need to check the people that are on the friends list. If the kids do not know them in real life, they need to be deleted.

It is a sad reality that kids cannot get to know new people. The internet provides the opportunity to meet people from all over the world. Unfortunately, there are too many risks with communication with strangers. Parents should maintain all of the user names and passwords for their children's accounts. This way they can be checked often, and strangers can be caught early on.

Kids are naturally curious, and like to explore different sites online. Even when parents set limits, kids are often led astray by interesting content. Social media exposes kids to more than just friends. Many different things pop up in the news feed area. This includes ads and suggested pages. These may contain content that is not appropriate for kids, or links to unsafe sites. Kids may click on them out of curiosity.

Many kids are simply curious about new people, as well. They may seek out new people to become friends with. This a great quality, as it is important in life to be able to talk to new people. Online, however, is not the best place to practice these skills. There are simply to many safety issues. Kids may start out with an innocent curiosity about a person, then be led to a dangerous situation.

It is difficult to maintain safety on social media when kids are curious about the different aspects of the internet. There are so many different things to learn about online, that children often get sidetracked. Predators know this, and are sneaky about finding ways to reach the kids they are after. The curiosity of kids should be encouraged in a safe setting, however.

Safety is the number one goal when it comes to caring for our kids. It is often a constant struggle to keep them safe from the dangers of the world. Many dangers lurk right outside our front doors. Parents often have a difficult time finding a good balance when it comes to nurturing the social skills. With the many dangers of modern life, safety is getting more difficult to maintain. Safety online can get more complicated than other types of situations. Traditional safety concerns revolve around kids going to people's houses, and out on their own.

Internet safety is a difficult thing figure out, due to the many avenues of contact that can occur. There are many ways for strangers to gain access to your children. Some social media accounts are very organized, while others are more easily accessible. Safety concerns are often addressed by social media sites, however, the main safety measures must be taken by those that own the accounts. This means that parents, have to monitor the account. Kids may not be able to perceive a safety threat.

Safety can be talked about prior to letting kids get online. They need to be prepared for the many different possibilities. Online safety is not common knowledge. Parents need to teach their kids how to know when someone is being unsafe. This is a learning process. Parents need to monitor the situation by checking their kid's accounts regularly, while kids are still learning.

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10 Reasons Parents Should Monitor their Children's Social Media Accounts

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Modern technology has brought many entertainment options for kids. Social media is a great way for them to connect with their friends. Unfortunately, there are also many dangers that can come from social media interaction. When kids get online they are vulnerable and able to be approached by unsafe people.

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The A.D.L (Anti-Defamation League) has declared the Pewdiepie's "Brofist" a hidden Neo-nazi salute.

Felix Arvid Ulf Kjellberg (A.K.A Pewdiepie) in no stranger to controversy (for example using the N-word while running across a bridge) and now finds himself in a brand new one. For many years Felix has told his fans to "bro-fist" to the screen. To the untrained eye this might seem like an innocuous way to bond with the his viewership but in reality, Pewdiepie was training the next wave of Generation Z Neo-Nazis.

According to the A.D.L the closed first represents the alt-right hiding itself from the world while also being a symbol of violence.

Many people speculate that this all started because Felix has issues straightening out his fingers and was heartbroken when he realized he could never do a proper salute to his idol Adolf Hitler. This seems highly likely as Pewdiepie has shown time and time again he cannot control his hands enough to ever do a proper handshake.

Pewdiepie still yet to respond given this issue but based on previous behavior a classic Pewdiepie apology video should be uploaded soon.

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Pewdiepie's Infamous "Bro-Fist" is Now Officially a Hate Symbol

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The A.D.L (Anti-Defamation League) has declared the Pewdiepie's "Brofist" a hidden Neo-nazi salute. Felix Arvid Ulf Kjellberg (A.K.A Pewdiepie) in no stranger to controversy (for example using the N-word while running across a bridge) and now finds himself in a brand new one. For many years Felix has told his fans to "bro-fist" to the screen.

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Hate speech, speech or expression that denigrates a person or persons on the basis of (alleged) membership in a social group identified by attributes such as race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, religion, age, physical or mental disability, and others.

Typical hate speech involves epithets and slurs, statements that promote malicious stereotypes, and speech intended to incite hatred or violence against a group. Hate speech can also include nonverbal depictions and symbols.

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Hate speech: Hate speech, speech or expression that denigrates a person or persons on the basis of (alleged) membership in a social group identified by attributes such as race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, religion, age, physical or mental disability, and others. Typical hate speech involves epithets

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here we have the starting point of our debate today

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here we have the starting point of our debate today

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here we have a short definition of our debate

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here we have a short definition of our debate

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The BROFIST is declared a HATE SYMBOL! (this is bad)

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How to Debate What Is Debating How You Debate What Is Debate Motion Debate Skills Debate ESL What Time Is the Democratic Debate Tonight How Do You Debate an Eneagram 8 Philosophical Debates What Are Debates What Is a Debate Definition for Kids What Is a Claim in a Debate