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3am vibe no movement, no memories, no worries 

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3am vibe no movement, no memories, no worries 

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Listening to christian casitovski speak affects my mental health

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Listening to christian casitovski speak affects my mental health

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i hate him

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Once upon a time a long time ago, a king and a queen had a beautiful daughter named Fiona.The pages flipped to one page of older Fiona's human form during the day, and her ogre form during the night.Man's Voice: But she was possessed by a terrible curse. By day, a lovely princess; by night, a hideous ogre.The pages then turned to the pages with a knight kneeling, holding a bouquet of flowers and Fiona waiting in the tower guarded by a certain dragon's tail.Man's Voice: Only true love's kiss would lift her curse. So Fiona waited in a tower, guarded by a dragon, until the day when her true love would arrive.The next pages showed Harold and Lillian in a carriage, racing away from their safe kingdom and into the dark, foreboding forest.Man's Voice: But as the days turned into years, the King and Queen were forced to resort to more desperate measures.(Flashback)Years ago, before Harold and Lillian had reunited with their daughter, the horses pulling the carriage that carried the king and queen raced through the forest like mad.Inside the carriage, the king and queen held each others' hands in worry. The carriage then arrived towards an even more eerie part of the forest. It was Crone's Nest Carriage Park, a medieval trailer park. The signs underneath the main said "No Vacancy" and "Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here". Two witches guarding recognized the royal carriage and opened the gates, allowing the carriage inside. The carriage slowed down and was pulled more cautiously, and as that happened, the king and queen looked at all the witches inhabiting the area near their broken down carriages.One witch sneered, while stroking a black cat she held, and many other black cats, that she hoarded, all snarled. King Harold yelped a bit. Then he and Lillian saw another witch dumping out trash from the window of her carriage, while one witch standing by, smirking, as she made a kissy noise to the king.King Harold: Ew!Then he and Lillian saw a family of hillbilly-type witches, playing mandolins, spitting tobacco, holding a bottle of moonshine and giving dirty, foul looks at the visitors, while a bare-butted baby witch was crawling on the ground. The royal couple were deeply unsettled as Lillian locked the carriage door.Driver: (pulls reigns) Whoa, there!The horses stopped at a huge egg-like carriage with an "R" on top.King Harold: I don’t know about this, Lillian. Fairy Godmother said only true love’s kiss could break Fiona’s curse.Queen Lillian: I don’t trust that woman, Harold. This may be our last hope. Besides, he does come highly recommended by King Midas.King Harold: But to put our daughter’s life in the hands of this…person? He’s devious. He’s deceitful. He’s...he’s…A bit later, the king and queen were inside the carriage as the owner spun around in his chair, revealing himself. He was Rumpelstiltskin.Rumpelstiltskin: Rumpelstiltskin, at your service!Lightning flashed at the mention of his name. His pet goose, Fifi, honked a bit. The little man kissed the uneasy Lillian's hand in respect.Rumpelstiltskin: Mrs. Highness.She chuckled nervously a bit, pulling her hand away.Queen Lillian: How do you do?Fifi then hissed at Harold, startling him.Rumpelstiltskin: Down, Fifi. Get down!The goose did as her master said and went off to the side. Then the deal maker rolled out a contract he had for the royal couple to sign.Rumpelstiltskin: As you can see, everything’s in order.King Harold: So you’ll put an end to our daughter’s curse?Rumpelstiltskin: And, in return, you sign the kingdom of Far Far Away (gives a menacing look) over to me.Lightning flashed again, and King Harold gasped at what the short man said. Lightning flashed even when it showed Fifi. The royal couple turned as Harold spoke quietly to his wife, while Rumpelstiltskin just listened in, giving a fiendish smirk.King Harold: Lillian, this is madness!Queen Lillian: What choice do we have? Fiona has been locked away in that tower far too long.Rumpelstiltskin: It’s not like she’s getting any younger.King Harold: But to sign over our entire kingdom?Rumpelstiltskin: (pulls contract away) Well, if your kingdom’s worth more to you than your daughter…The king angrily stopped the paper.King Harold: Nothing is worth more to us than our daughter.Rumpelstiltskin: I thought not.So Rumpelstiltskin slammed the windows shut and got out a drawer of jars of magic ink, slammed one jar down and clapped his hands.Rumpelstiltskin: Jump, Fifi, jump!The goose jumped in his arms and he yanked a feather out of her behind, making the king cringe in disgust. He then dipped the feather's end into the magic ink, with a small magic cloud appearing as Harold took the feather from him.Rumpelstiltskin: Just sign it and all your problems will disappear.Lightning flashed for dramatic effect once more, as he slid the contract towards them. Harold was about to sign it, while Rumpelstiltskin eagerly and anxiously waited. The king hesitated a bit as he looked at his wife, who nodded seriously. So Harold proceeded to sign it, but before he could, the carriage's door was burst open and the royal messenger was there, out of breath.Messenger: Your Highness! The Princess! She’s been saved!Harold and Lillian gasped happily, while Rumpelstiltskin was shocked.Rumpelstiltskin: Huh?!The king turned, giving a smirk as he ripped the contract up, to the deal maker's dismay.Rumpelstiltskin: (lip trembling) Who saved her?(End of Flashback)In the present, the book was finsihed being read by the certain foiled deal maker, who was the one narrating. The next pages showed Shrek roaring, scaring away villagers, and then the helmeted Shrek carrying Fiona over his back while he and Donkey ran away from Dragon and the fire she breathed. Donkey's tail was even on fire.Rumpelstiltskin: No one would have guessed that an ogre named Shrek, whose roar was feared throughout the land, would save the beautiful Princess Fiona.He angrily turned the page, showing a picture of Shrek and Fiona (as an ogre) kissing and a separate picture of their babies.Rumpelstiltskin: (irate) True love’s kiss led to marriage and ogre babies!He ripped off the page of the babies, showing the page of good guys and villains (who were reformed thanks to Artie) holding hands together.Rumpelstiltskin: The kingdom of Far Far Away was finally at peace. (sarcastically) Goody for them!He ripped off that page as well, leaving the page with the ogre family in front of the swamp.Rumpelstiltskin: (furiously) AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY--He ripped off that page, leaving the page of Shrek with Donkey and Puss bumping fists.Rumpelstiltskin: EVER--He ripped off that page, getting to the final one with Shrek and Fiona riding a unicorn, while Pinocchio waved a wand, Donkey ran with his kids, the Three Little Pigs, the Three Blind Mice, Puss and Gingy riding down rainbows, and the ogre babies riding a cloud.Rumpelstiltskin: AFTER!!!He ripped out that as well, and fumed while clenching the page in fist. He was shown to be reading the book in a library. Then, Pinocchio, wearing an apron, appeared and saw what he was doing.Pinocchio: Sir? You’re gonna have to pay for that.He quickly realized he ripped a book that didn't belong to him, as he turned to the wooden puppet.Rumpelstiltskin: (stutters) M-m-maybe we could make a deal for it, little boy?Pinocchio: Oh, I’m not a real boy.Rumpelstiltskin: (smirks) Do you want to be?The next thing you know, Rumpelstiltskin was booted out of the library by Pinocchio, screaming as he face-planted into the dirty sidewalk.Pinocchio: Nobody needs your deals anymore, Grumpel Stinkypants!He shut the door as the coughing former deal maker looked at the final page of the book and picked it up, looking at it with anger.Rumpelstiltskin: (darkly) I wish that ogre was never born!In the certain swamp home of our ogre hero, another day was beginning as we see the same "Beware of Ogres" sign, now with the pictures of the ogre baby triplets added, and a swing set and small slide were added in the yard. Inside the home, Shrek and Fiona were asleep in their bed until awakened by a squeaking noise. They looked and saw their babies at the foot of the bed, with Felicia squeaking a squeaky toy.Felicia: Wake up, Daddy, wake up!  Fiona: Good morning.Shrek: Good morning to you too.The ogres kissed.After getting up and dressed, Shrek was in his arm-chair with his kids, each drinking swamp juice from their own sippy cup, and each gave a small belch.Fiona: (passes by) Better out than in.Shrek: (chuckles) That’s MY line.A bit later, Shrek brought Fergus over to the changing table.Shrek: Did my little Fergus make a…(jumps back) WHOA! (waves hand in front of face) Big, grownup ogre stink!Some time after changing Fergus, Shrek went outside with the full rotten diaper, heading to the diaper pale.Shrek: Oh, that’s diabolical!He dumped it in, and then he took a newspaper, heading to the outhouse. At this time, a bus-sized chariot known as the "Star Tours Chariot" appeared, with a tour guide and tourists here to see the famous ogre.Tour Guide: (through megaphone) And on your left, the lovable lug that showed us you don’t have to change your undies to change the world!The ogre gave an annoyed look before closing the door to the outhouse.Tour Guide: (through megaphone) I wonder what Shrek’s up to in there.Next, Shrek was trying to fit a little shoe onto Farkle's foot, with Farkle moving his little legs around, and was having trouble trying to put it on.Shrek: Get in there. Get…it's impossible to put on!Fiona then showed up and thought she would help. So she placed it on her son's foot.Fiona: Okay, (begins tying) the dragon goes under the bridge, through the loop, and finally, into the castle.The parents then blew on their baby's cheeks. A bit later, Shrek thought he'd have some time to himself so he sat in his armchair with a glass of eyeball-tini in his hand, and just when he was about to sip it, a certain donkey popped his head through the window.Donkey: Play date!The startled ogre yelped as he fell back. Then Donkey and his kids came in to spend time with Shrek and his family.Donkey: (singing) Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall All you've got to do is call!That night, at dinner, Puss flipped in the air and landed on the dinner table, finishing a story being told to the kids.Puss: Then Shrek kissed the Princess. She turned into a beautiful ogre and they lived…Donkey: Happily…Fiona: Ever…Shrek: After.The kids all jumped and cheered. After the guests left and the triplets were put to sleep, Shrek took some dishes from the table and headed to where Fiona was washing some dishes at the sink next to the window. Fiona then saw a star whizzing by.Fiona: Look! A shooting star!She closed her eyes, scrunched up her nose and crossed her fingers.Shrek: So, what did you wish for?Fiona: That every day could be like this one.Shrek: Come here, you.The two then embraced and kissed, while Puss sat on the side of the window, playing a guitar as he sang a tender song.Puss: (singing) One love One heart Let's get together and feel alrightThe next morning, Shrek was awakened the same way he was yesterday: by the squeaking of his kids' squeaky toy.Felicia: Morning, Daddy.Fiona: Morning.So, the events from yesterday began to happen again, starting with Shrek burping his babies. The boys belched, but Felicia broke wind.Fiona: (passes by) Better out than in.Next, it was changing time.Shrek: Did my little Fergus make a…Before he could finish, a fountain of fluid sprayed at his face and even got into his mouth, but thankfully, it was coming from a goldfish Fergus squirted water from as he giggled.Shrek: (takes the fish) Cute. Real cute.He took the fish and dropped it back in the goldfish bowl. Then, after taking the diaper to the pail outside, he went to the outhouse with the tourist chariot arriving again, to his annoyance.Tour Guide: (through megaphone) This lovable lug taught us you don’t have to change your undies to change the world!He slammed the door. Later, he hoped to have some alone time and drink his eyeball-tini in his armchair, but Donkey showed up again.Donkey: Play date!He and his kids barged in, and as he sang, the dronkeys flew around, chasing the giggling ogre babies.Then, Shrek decided to relax in the mud pit outside, but suddenly Fiona came outside.Fiona: (calls out) Shrek! The outhouse is clogged up!Shrek's eyes widened.That night, the story that was told at dinner the previous night was told again.Puss: She turned into a beautiful ogre and they lived…Donkey: Happily…Fiona: Ever…Shrek: (confused) After?Then the routine happened again with Shrek being woken up by his babies and the squeaky toy, and this time, the triplets were in the bed between the parents, with Farkle pounding Shrek, who looked like he barely got any sleep.Felicia: Daddy, get up!Fergus: Morning.Next, it was time for burping. All three burped, one by one, but then broke wind simultaneously.Fiona: (passes by) Better out than in.After Shrek tossed the diaper away, the tourists visited yet again.Tour Guide: (through megaphone) This lovable lug…Shrek slammed the door of the outhouse. Then Donkey barged in through the door with his kids flapping in.Donkey: (excitedly) PLAY DATE!Shrek: (gets knocked over) No!The Dronkeys floated while carrying the babies, with some fussing. Then, as Shrek, with a towel around himself, tried to get to the mud pit for some relaxation, Fiona called out again.Fiona: (calls out) Outhouse again!He winced. Then, another day, we see Shrek trying to fit the shoe onto Farkle.Shrek: Come on.His son then kicked him in the chin. Next, we see instances of the babies drinking and belching, and of Shrek throwing a diaper away in the pale in the Winter, on a rainy day, and in the Spring. One day, the tourist chariot returned, knocking the outhouse over while Shrek was on the john.Tour Guide: (through megaphone) Undies!When it was playdate time, Shrek just stood frozen in the middle of the chaos that was the Dronkeys and ogres rough-housing, and one of the Dronkeys breathing fire. Then, he tried for the pit again, but didn't make it very far when Fiona's voice called out.Fiona's Voice: Outhouse!He walked back in annoyance. We then see the babies bouncing in bed with Felicia hitting her dad softly with her toy, but Shrek was lying on the floor and did not make any motion.Felicia: Get up, get up!Finally, it was the dinner/story portion of the seemingly repetitive cycle.Puss: And they lived…Donkey: Happily…Fiona: Ever…Shrek: (monotone) After.Later, everyone was asleep, all except for Shrek, who was awake by all the same routine everyday. He rubbed his face with his hands, sighing a bit. He looked at Fiona, sound asleep, before getting up and walking to a dresser. There, he opened up a drawer with a folded up piece of paper inside. He unfolded it, revealing it to be an old Wanted poster of him back from before he met Donkey, rescued Fiona and all his other adventures happened. He looked glum, not feeling as if he was a real ogre anymore. He hung the poster up on the corner of the mirror, and then he looked at the mirror, trying to see if he had any of it inside him.Shrek: (softly) Roar. Roooooooaaaarr.It was no use though, he didn't even scare himself. He hanged his head, feeling his days as an ogre were truly gone. The next day, he looked uneasy as he, his family and Donkey were riding Dragon, with Puss at the edge, playing "King of the World", and the Dronkeys were flying at her side, as the song "Isn't It Strange" by Scissor Sisters played. Shrek was carrying a back case full of baby supplies on his back. The babies whooped and laughed with excitement as Dragon soared through the clouds. The wind then pushed Puss back towards Donkey, and Felicia pulled on one Dronkey's tail, making her unintentionally shoot out flames at her brother's tail. He yelped and glared at his sister, thinking it was on purpose, before chasing her. He breathed fire at her, almost hitting her and barely blackening Shrek's snout.The group then arrived in Far Far Away, passing the kingdom's Hollywood-like sign, and came down for a landing near the Candy Apple (formerly known as the Poison Apple until the villains reformed), and everyone was unloading their baggage and getting off the dragon.Donkey: Nice landing, honey.He and his wife kiss.Donkey: And remember, no eating the valet.Fiona then placed each of her babies on a Dronkey, and they were flown around for fun. As Puss carried a whole stack of presents for the triplets, since it was their birthday, Shrek was carrying down a fold-out three-in-one stroller.Puss: Happy Birthday, ninos! Vamos a la fiesta!He set the three-in-one stroller down and tried unfolding them in frustration, but was having trouble. Then, to his further annoyance, some villagers ran over to him with pitchforks and torches, but not the way people used to. In fact, they were grinning.Villagers: Hey, Shrek! Shrek!Villager 1: (holds up his pitchfork's handle) Mr. Shrek, will you sign our pitchforks?Villager 2: (holds up his torch) And our torches?Shrek quickly dodged the torch as it nearly touched him.Villager 3: Man, you used to be so fierce!Villager 2: Yeah, when you were a real ogre.Shrek: (Puzzled) A "real" ogre?He did not like what that villager was implying.A bit later, inside, Pinocchio was dancing on a stage in front of four animatronics.Pinocchio: (singing) Happy Birthday Bash! No more diaper rash! One year older, not a pain Friends still remain the same, refrain. Super duper, party pooper! Birthday, birthday, birthday bash! Birthday, birthday, birthday bash!Then everyone else inside, minus Shrek, who was holding Felicia and Fergus, sang along.(Crowd): (Everyone except for Shrek) Birthday Bash! Dah-dah-dah-dah-dah!All those who sang laughed and cheered, and Farkle imitated Pinocchio's dancing a bit. Donkey noticed Shrek not singing, laughing or cheering.Donkey: Come on Shrek, it’s a sing-along. You’ve got to sing along!Shrek (Annoyed) No, thanks.Donkey: (Giving a sweet grin at Shrek) Please? I’ll be your best friend.Shrek: Since when does being your best friend entail me to do everything I don’t want to do?As he talked, Felicia squeaked her toy right in her father's ear.Shrek: (Puts Felicia's toy down and talks to her Softly) Please, Felicia, not in daddy's ear.Then a father tapped Shrek on the shoulder.Butterpants's Father: Excuse me, Mr. Shrek? Could you do that ogre roar of yours for my son? He’s a big, big fan.Next to him stood his son, a chubby little boy with a grumpy-looking straight face and lollipop in his fist.Butterpants: Do the roar.Shrek: You know, I’d rather not, it’s my kids’ birthday party and-Butter Pants: Do the roar.Shrek then starts to frown his smile while looking at Butterpants. Fiona then came by and took Fergus off Shrek to hold him for a little bit.Fiona: (Picks up Felicia out of Shrek's arms and holds Her) Honey? Why don't you go check on the cake?Shrek: (Annoyed) Sure.He went to go check on the birthday cake.Fiona: And don’t forget the candles.Shrek sighs deeply. At the kitchen area, the Muffin Man was finishing putting some decoration on Gingy's legs.Muffin Man: Hold still.Once Gingy was done, he stood up with his legs frosted, appearing to look like chaps and he even wore a cowboy hat made of frosting to boot.Gingy: Thanks for the pants, Muffin Man. I always wanted chaps! (prances around) Yee-haw! Giddy up!Shrek then arrived at the counter.Muffin Man: (grins) Ah, Monsieur Shrek.Gingy: Howdy, Shrek!The baker then got out a tray holding a frosted cake, decorated with a cutesy grinning ogre head with candy corn for teeth.Muffin Man: Your cake. Voila!Shrek was appalled by the cake.Shrek: (Disgusted) What is that supposed to be?Gingy: That’s Sprinkles the Ogre!Doris, wearing party service clothes, and picking up some plates, spoke.Doris: Isn’t he cute? He looks just like you.Donkey: Except happy. It’s a party, Shrek. You gotta cheer up!Shrek, still feeling bitter, started carrying the cake away.Shrek: (Through his teeth) I’m in a great mood, actually.Donkey: (Excitedly) Oh, I’m gonna lick me a rainbow!So he licked the cake.Shrek: Donkey!Then Butterpants and his father appeared next to him again.Butterpants's Father: As long as you’re not doing anything, how about one of those famous Shrek roars?Butterpants: Do the roar.Shrek: Let me set you straight, Butterpants. An ogre only roars when he’s angry. (chuckles a bit) You don’t want to see me angry, do you?Butterpants: Do it.He licked his lollipop, while Shrek just walked away, trying to keep his anger in.Shrek: (to himself) Hold it together. Just hold it together.Butterpants: Daddy, he’s getting away. Do something.He set the cake down at the table Fiona was at.Fiona: Oh good.She then saw the cake with a big smear over it, thanks to Donkey's licking.Fiona: (gasps) What happened to the cake?Shrek: Trust me, it's an improvement.Queen Lillian: (sees the cake) You licked it!Shrek: No.Queen Lillian: Just because you’re an ogre, doesn’t mean you have to eat like one.Mabel, wearing service clothes as well, walked by.Mabel: Looks like you forgot the candles.Wolf walked by blowing up a balloon until it popped, startling Shrek.Fiona: OK, just watch the cake. I'll go get them.Fiona went to get the candles.Shrek: (confused) "Watch the cake"?He turned and to his alarm, he saw that the cake was gone, and there was nothing left but a couple crumbs.Shrek: Ahh! Where's the cake?!The pigs stood there with frosting on their lips, looking guilty.Heimlich: We ate ze cake.Dieter: Ja.Shrek: (shocked) What?Then his babies started crying a bit, probably because they heard that the pigs ate the cake.Shrek: No, no. Don't cry, shhh.Butterpants's Father: Hey! I believe you promised my son a roar.Butterpants: Do the roar.Shrek: Uh...(unconvincingly) roar.Butterpants: Don't like it.Shrek: Pigs, we need another cake.Heimlich: But we ate ze ozer cakes.The babies cried some more, and Shrek tried calming them down by bouncing them.Butterpants's Father: Come on man, One roar.Donkey: Hey, everybody! Shrek’s gonna do his famous ogre roar!The Dronkeys gathered around their dad, excited for uncle Shrek's roar.Shrek: Not now, Donkey! Pigs, are there any cupcakes?Dieter: We ate zhem, too.Heimlich: Zhey have lollipops.Horst: No, I ate them.Dieter: What you didn’t share?Horst: (frowns) Well, you didn’t share the croissants!The babies cried some more.Shrek: Everything will be okay.Fiona came and took her kids, holding them.Fiona: Shrek, what's going on?Next, Butterpants was hugging Donkey.Donkey: Come on, Shrek, your fans are waiting!Butterpants: Do the roar.Pinocchio ran around Shrek, singing and shouting indistinctly. Wolf blew another balloon up until it popped. Then everyone all spoke or made noises at once. All of this pressure and tension going on today was taking a toll on Shrek enough, he was losing his patience, trying his best to fight it.Crowd: We need the cake! (chanting) Cake! Cake! Cake!Shrek couldn't hold it in any longer, so he let out an enormous, furious ogre roar that nearly blew everyone away, even Butterpants's hat was blown off.Shrek: RRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!!Once he was done, he panted and everyone else was left stunned and silent for a bit until they all cheered.Butterpants: (chuckles as he hugs his dad) I love you, daddy.Wolf then slapped a party hat onto Shrek's head, to his annoyance.Puss: Everybody, I have found...He lifted his cape to reveal another cake decorated like the last one.Puss: (finishes) another cake!Everyone, minus Fiona, started chanting Shrek's name as Shrek stared angrily at the cake, fuming.Most of everyone: Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!The concerned Fiona just noticed the look on her husband as he handed Felicia to her mother.Fiona: Shrek? Are you OK?Shrek continued glaring at the adorable ogre picture on the cake, feeling it mocked him.Most of everyone: Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!Shrek then slammed his big fist into the cake's center, making everyone gasp in shock. He all gave a miserable stare at everybody and even Fiona, who was more stunned than anyone else. Then he stormed out of the diner in anger. Everyone else just stood, stunned. Even Gingy was stunned as his frosting chaps fell off.Outside, a familiar washed-up deal maker was in the trash, looking for scraps, as he saw a plate and licked it, trying to get some flavor. Then he heard the door slam as he hid, but saw Shrek storm out, with Fiona following.Fiona: Unbelievable.Shrek: Tell me about it! Those villagers…Fiona: I’m not talking about the villagers, Shrek. I’m talking about you. Is this really how you want to remember the kids’ first birthday?Shrek: Oh, great. So this is all my fault?Fiona: Yes. But you know what? Let’s talk about this after the party, at home.Shrek: You mean that roadside attraction we live in? (mockingly) Step right up! (does a mocking jolly dance) See the dancing ogre! Don’t worry! He won’t bite!He then took off the party hat, smashed it and threw it to the ground.Shrek: I used to be an ogre. Now I’m just a jolly green joke!Fiona: Okay, okay, maybe you’re not the ogre you used to be, but maybe that’s not such a bad thing.Shrek: I wouldn’t expect you to understand. It’s not like you’re a real ogre. You spent half your life in a palace.Fiona: (solemnly) And the other half locked away in a tower.Shrek: Look, all I want is for things to go back to the way they used to be! Back when villagers were afraid of me, and I could take a mud bath in peace. When I could do what I wanted, when I wanted to do it! Back when the world made sense!Fiona: You mean back before you rescued me from the Dragon’s Keep?Shrek: Exactly!She looked at him, apalled by the answer, and a long silence followed, before Fiona spoke quietly, feeling hurt.Fiona: Shrek, you have three beautiful children, a wife who loves you, friends who adore you. You have everything. Why is it the only person who can’t see that is you?She then turned away and went to the door, looking back at her husband, who only gave a bitter look before she went back inside. Shrek just stood there before turning and walking away bitterly.Shrek: That’s just great.As he left, Rumpelstiltskin peeked out, and his pet goose, who was now freakishly larger than she was before, peeked out of another trash can, eating some trash. Rumpelstiltskin smirked evilly, knowing this was his chance to finally get back at the ogre who put him out of business.Later, as rain clouds were appearing, Shrek was storming alone in the forest, stewing about what Fiona said.Shrek: If she thinks I’m gonna slink back there and apologize, she’s got another thing coming. She’s not the boss of me. I’m an ogre and I’m not gonna apologize for acting like one.He then heard a voice from the distance.Voice: Help, please! Someone, anyone at all, help me! Please, help!He headed over to see who it was, and in the middle of the forest, the cries of help (or so Shrek believes) came from Rumpelstiltskin, whose legs were underneath his carriage, making it appear as his carriage was broken down on top of him.Rumpelstiltskin: Please, help! I’m stuck! Help! Oh, please, help! Someone, anyone! Help me! The pain!Shrek rolled his eyes as he went over and used his strength to lift up the carriage.Rumpelstiltskin: (squints eyes) I can see a bright light. A tunnel! Grandma? Is that you?Shrek: (dryly) Yeah, it’s me, Granny.Rumpelstiltskin: (pretend alarm) An ogre!He scooched back underneath in "fright".Rumpelstiltskin: Please, Mr. Ogre, please don’t eat me!Shrek: I’m not gonna eat you.Rumpelstiltskin: But you are an ogre…(peeks out) aren’t you?Shrek: Yeah, well, I… I used to be. Look, move out or get crushed.The short man quickly crawled away from the carriage. Shrek then put the carriage back down on the ground and fixed the wheel.Rumpelstiltskin: So you’re not gonna eat me?Shrek: (walks away) No, thanks. I already had a big bowl of curly-toed weirdo for breakfast.The former deal maker followed the ogre.Rumpelstiltskin: Wait up! What’s your rush? Where you going?Shrek: Nowhere.Rumpelstiltskin: (grins) What a coincidence! I was just heading that way myself. But, seriously, let me give you a ride. I insist. Come on. It’s the least I can do after all you’ve done for me.The ogre sighed, rolling his eyes, but it seemed like he was giving in.Rumpelstiltskin: I got a hot rat cooking.Shrek glanced back at the carriage, with Fifi at the reigns, honking a bit. After Rumpelstiltskin managed to lead the ogre to his carriage, the two went inside with the short man throwing off his hat and going to his table to prepare a drink, shaking it up in his bottle.Rumpelstiltskin: All right! Can I interest you in a mudslide? Slug and tonic? A liquid libation to ease that frustration?He even made a fresh certain drink containing an eyeball.Rumpelstiltskin: Eyeball-tini?Shrek peered into the carriage and at the drink, unsure, but he was giving in again.Shrek: Well, maybe just one.A couple hours later, rain was pouring as Fifi was pulling the carriage through the forest. Inside, Shrek was telling a joke to Rumpelstiltskin, and the ogre has had more than just one Eyeball-tini.Shrek: So the centaur says, "That’s not the half I’m talking about."The two chuckled a bit.Rumpelstiltskin: I gotta say, Shrek, I envy you. To live the life of an ogre…no worries, no responsibilities. (takes a sip of an eyeball-tini) You are free to pillage and terrorize as you please.Shrek: Free? (chuckles and rolls eyes) That’s a laugh.Rumpelstiltskin: Oh, yeah?Shrek: Sometimes I wish I had just one day to feel like a real ogre again.He ate the eyeball off the toothpick.Rumpelstiltskin: Why didn’t you say so? (stands up in his chair) Magical transactions are my specialty! Come on!He then grabbed all the empty glasses to put them away.Shrek: Great. Next to mimes, magicians are my favourite people.The short man laughed sarcastically while climbing a ladder.Rumpelstiltskin: Hold on.He started rummaging through his deal scrolls.Rumpelstiltskin: "King for a Month." "Knight for a Week." (finds one) Ah.He then laid out one special contract onto the table, titled "Ogre for a Day".Rumpelstiltskin: "Ogre for a day".The ogre was even more puzzled than ever. The short man then appeared right next to him.Rumpelstiltskin: Think about it, Shrek. To be feared and hated. You’ll be, like, "Roar!" And the villagers will be, like, (mimicking scared citizen) "Get away! It’s Shrek! I’m so scared of him!" It would be just like the good old days, when your swamp was your castle. When the world made sense.Shrek: All right, what’s the catch?Rumpelstiltskin: Catch? No. There’s no catch. No catchings, really. I mean, there’s something. A small thing. Nothing. A little thing.Shrek: All right, I knew it. So what do you want?Rumpelstiltskin: A day.Shrek: (doubtful) A day?A little ding was heard.Rumpelstiltskin: Oh, rat’s done!He put on some oven mitts, opened the stove and took out the cooked rat.Rumpelstiltskin: Well, to make the magic work, you gotta give something to get something. In this case, you gotta give a day to get a day. That’s all.Shrek: I can’t just pick up and leave my family.Rumpelstiltskin: Oh, but that’s the best part, Shrek! It’s a magical contract. No one will even know you’re gone, and by the time this day is up, (gives a smile) you are gonna feel like a changed ogre.Shrek: Still, I don’t know.Rumpelstiltskin: Pffft! Hey, no problem. Forget it, no big d. It doesn’t matter. Do you like white meat or dark meat?The short man poured some sauce onto the rat with a soup ladel. Shrek looked thoughtful about this deal.Shrek: So what day would I have to give up?As Rumpelstiltskin got out a knife and fork, he smirked secretly.Rumpelstiltskin: I don’t know, any day. A day from your past. (starts carving the rat) A day you had the flu? A day you lost a pet?Then he got angry, recalling the day Shrek put him out of business, as he started carving faster.Rumpelstiltskin: (bitterly/faster) A day some meddling oaf stuck his nose where it didn’t belong destroying your business and ruining your life?!Of course, he was carving so fast that he ended up cutting through the rat and the plate, breaking it. Shrek looked at him a bit strangely but Rumpelstiltskin quickly realized his behavior as he hastily began to bring back his composure.Rumpelstiltskin: Just for an example.He placed the plate with the lower half of the rat on the table.Shrek: How about the day I met Donkey? (smirks) Now, there’s a day I’d like to take back.He laughed, and the short man forced a laugh.Rumpelstiltskin: I don’t know who that is. (gets an idea) I know. What about a day you wouldn’t even remember? Like a day when you were a baby.He began to rock his arms back and forth like rocking a baby to sleep, but figuratively.Rumpelstiltskin: An innocent, mindless little baby.Shrek, who was half-way done eating his half of the rat, spoke.Shrek: Take any of those days you want. Take them all for all I care.He chucked the rest of his half into his mouth, while Rumpelstiltskin glared.Rumpelstiltskin: Oh, just one will do.He then got out the ink jar and feather pen, dabbed the said pen into said jar, with a small magic spark appearing.Rumpelstiltskin: OK, good. A day from your childhood it is.Shrek: I guess there’s nothing wrong with wanting a little time for myself.Rumpelstiltskin: Just 24 tiny little hours.Shrek: I’m still my own ogre!Rumpelstiltskin: Yeah, you is!Shrek: I never needed to ask for anyone’s permission before.Rumpelstiltskin: (pushes the contract towards him) So why start now?Shrek looked down at the contract for a moment, and then looked back up at the deal maker, who handed the quill to the ogre.Rumpelstiltskin: Go on, Shrek. Sign it!As Shrek started signing his name in big, bold, gold letters, the deal maker kept urging him to sign it. He was so tensed from this, that even his nasty toes with yellow toenails ripped out of his shoes and scraped the floor.Rumpelstiltskin: Go on, Shrek. Sign it, Shrek! Sign it!During the tension, Fifi also honked a few times, but then, when Shrek wrote the last letter of his name, the tension stopped. Fifi stopped honking and Rumpelstiltskin was calm, but had a glow of excitement.Rumpelstiltskin: Oh. You signed it.Shrek: So, tell me. What happens now?Rumpelstiltskin: (mockingly) Have a nice day.He then cackled villainously as he disappeared in a flash of yellow light. Then, to Shrek's shock, the pen disappeared and the whole carriage came apart like a house would in a tornado, and Shrek suddenly found himself caught in a glowing yellow cyclone, as the parts of the carriage disappeared. The ogre yelled in alarm as he was tossed all around through the air.Shrek: Whoooaaa! WHOOOOAAAAAAAAAA!!Then the yellow background transformed back into the forest setting, only it was sunny and during the daytime. Shrek came falling from the sky and crash-landed hard on the ground, with a jingling sound heard upon his crash.Shrek: (groans) I think I fell on my keys.Then the contract came floating gently down towards the ogre's feet. He picked it up, getting up, when suddenly, he heard a familiar voice.Tour Guide's Voice: There are 40 children in that shoe, which is why the weasel goes pop to this very day.He looked and saw the Star Tours chariot coming his way, to his dismay.Shrek: Oh, great.Tour Guide: As we head over the river and through the woods, we come across…Of course, one tourist on the upper deck saw Shrek and did not give a reaction of happiness. In fact, it was one of alarm.Tourist: (points) Ogre!The group, not recognizing Shrek, saw him and all reacted with horror, and suddenly the driver lost control as the horses were scared that they ran, resulting in the chariot to crash into a tree. The tour guide and tourists all ran off the wrecked chariot, screaming and heading for the hills. Shrek was a bit surprised at first but then he realized that the magic of the contract had worked, and people fear him once again. He grinned as he kissed the piece of paper, before laughing. The song "Top of the World" by the Carpenters began to play as Shrek left the forest and went on his way to the nearest village.He strode merrily towards the unsuspecting villagers.Such a feeling's coming over meWhen the villagers all saw him, they all ran away in separate directions, screaming, while he continued striding with glee, glad to be feared again.There is wonder in most everything that I seeWe then see a puppet show with one puppet attacking an ogre puppet with a prop stick, with all the kids watching encouraging the puppet to beat the ogre.Kids: Kill the ogre! Kill the ogre!Not a cloud in the skyThen, without warning, the puppeteer, who turned out to be Shrek, rose his head up from the puppet theater's window and roared, making the kids scream. Then his arms burst through the cardboard, roaring again. The kids all ran away with Shrek walking up to the seats like a usual ogre would and then chuckled.Got the sun in my eyes And I won't be surprised if it's a dreamSomewhere else, a wedding was being held in a church. Inside, the priest gave the permission for the groom to kiss the bride.Everything I want the world to beThe groom lifted the veil of his bride, who was actually Shrek (in drag), about to give a kiss. The groom and priest screamed in alarm. Then Shrek roared at everyone inside the church, making them all scream and leave the church.Is now coming true, especially for meShrek, the only one left in the church, twirled around, holding the dress he was wearing.And the reason is clear It's because you are nearNear a tree, a couple was about to have a picnic when Shrek, in normal garb, appeared hanging upside-down from a branch, roaring, scaring off the couple before he took the chicken leg and chomped it.You're the nearest thing to heaven that I seeNext, we see Shrek scaring a cat, making it screech while jumping up. Then we see Shrek roaring at a mirror, breaking it. Shrek then got up behind four men gulping ale, letting out a roar, making them spit out their drinks. He then went to an old lady with a hearing horn.Shrek: (speaks into hearing aid quietly) Roar.The deaf old lady's eyes widened in alarm. Next, at a melon cart, someone was about to grab a melon, but grabbed Shrek's head, as the ogre was hiding in the melon cart and he gave yet another roar. Then he went near a goose, roaring at it, causing the goose to plop out an egg in fear.I'm on the top of the world Lookin' down on creation And the only explanation I can findWe then see Shrek happily being chased by an angry mob like the old days, laughing. He then grabbed a hanging shop's sign, swung over the bar, removing the sign and leaping onto a roof, surfing over it like a surfboard and in the process, the surfing removed the shingles. He even surfed onto another roof, swung around a weather vane, hopped onto another roof and surfed down that one as well.Is the love that I found Ever since you've been aroundHe leaped off the roof, with the villagers angrily tossing their pitchforks in the air like javelins, while Shrek soared relaxingly, with the pitchforks missing him.Your love's put me at the top of the worldThe ogre then landed in a hay cart, breaking off a wheel in the process. He then leaped out of the hay to declare something to the villagers.Shrek: This is the part where you run away!So the villagers all ran away in fear.Is the love that I found Ever since you've been aroundHe then leaped off the cart like a diving board and splashed into a pigsty, startling some pigs upon the splash.Your love's put me at the top of the worldHe then lay back, doing a mud angel, laughing before sighing, glad to feel like an actual ogre once more.Later, after Shrek got the mud cleaned off him, he went around the forest, and saw a Wanted poster for ogres and took it.Shrek: Sure is great to be wanted again. (sees another poster) Oh, nice one.Then when he saw one more wanted poster, and there was something different about the others that made his smile disappear. It had the face of a familiar ogre. He went up closer to it, and saw that it was of Fiona, giving a fierce look.Shrek: Fiona?He then saw more Wanted posters of Fiona on just about every tree, making him worried. He even saw a couple with axes and knives pinned at them. As he saw all the other posters, he began breathing harder.Shrek: Oh, no.He then raced out of the forest to get to his home. He raced through a cornfield, breathing like mad, and when he came to the end of it, he saw what looked like the structure of his swamp home, except there were no doors or windows.Shrek: My home. (runs to it) Fiona!However, the structure was very solid when he came up to it.Shrek: Fiona! Are you in there?!He then used his ogre strength to pound his way through the soil structure three times and soon created a hole which he fell in through. He got up and saw that the place was empty, and not only that but there was no furniture. It was all a dark underground setting with dirt and roots as far as the eye can see. He walked around, pushed through some dangling roots, and saw a rat on one root, before it and other rats scampered away. Shrek then frowned in anger before leaving the structure.Shrek: (yelling out) All right, Rumpel! This wasn’t part of the deal!He looked around and saw all the trees in his swamp all dry and leafless. Not only that, but there was no grass, plants or any swamp water. The place looked like a complete dried-up wasteland.Shrek: Rumpel!But not an answer came. Shrek then dug in his shirt and pulled out the folded-up contract that he unfolded, and thought to have a better look at it. Then something flew above him, making a 'woosh' sound. He thought it was nothing, but then there were two more quick figures flying above him. He then turned around and saw what appeared to be a pack of witches flying on their broomsticks. One witch, Broomsy Witch, spotted Shrek down below.Broomsy: (points) Ogre!Shrek gave a confused shrug. The other witches joined Broomsy.Broomsy: We’ve got another one, ladies! Get him!The witches all cackled as they dove in, flying in a circle around the swamp.Shrek: Who are you?! What are you doing in my swamp?One laughing witch came swooping right at him, but he grabbed her broom, and she ended up yelling in alarm as she came crashing towards a tree. She got caught in the tree with her kicking feet sticking out.Broomsy: Looks like a troublemaker!She got out an apple, used her teeth to pluck out the stem like a grenade pin and chucked it towards Shrek's feet, to his confusion. Then the apple started spinning around like mad releasing smoke from it, and when smoke clouded the spot where Shrek was, he coughed as he tried waving the smoke away. Then one chain with an iron skull was swung and ensnared Shrek by the arm. The witches continued cackling as another witch tossed another chain with a chattering skull to ensnare Shrek by the ankle, and one more chain grabbed Shrek by the second ankle.Broomsy: Spread ‘em!Shrek yelped as he was pulled by the chains and lifted up in the air by the witches taking him away. He screamed as he was pulled up, and hit a part of what would have been the roof of his home along the way out. The witches cackled some more as they carried their prisoner off.Broomsy: Nice job, ladies!Shrek used his fist to break off the chain carrying his arm, forcing him to drop to the ground, but was still being dragged by the chains carrying his legs, grunting as he hit the ground before the witches managed to pull him back up in the air.Shrek: You witches are making a big mistake! I know my rights!Witch #2: You have the right to shut your mouth!The witch then threw a flaming pumpkin at him, and once it exploded upon hitting him, everything went black. Sometime later, Shrek was lying down asleep somewhere, as a familiar voice was heard singing outside.Donkey's Voice: (singing) Just thinking about tomorrow Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow 'Til there's noneWhen I'm stuck with a day That's gray And lonelyShrek: (groans) Donkey, stop with the singing, will you?His eyes opened up in realization.Donkey's Voice: (singing) I just stick out my chin, And grin, And sayShrek: Donkey!He hit his head on the ceiling.Shrek: Ow!He then looked and found out he was in some sort of cage on wheels.Donkey's Voice: (singing) Oh, the sun'll come out tomorrow So you gotta hang on 'til tomorrowHe peeked and saw Donkey, fuzzier, pulling the carriage he was in.Donkey: (singing) Come what may Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, Tomorrow!Shrek: Donkey, where am I? What’s happening?There were two witches on top of the cage in charge of driving.Cage Witch #1: (hits Shrek with her broom) Quiet down there! Oh, I hate this song.She whipped Donkey, making him yelp as he sang a different song.Donkey: (singing) But I made up my mind I'm keeping my baby OooohCage Witch #2: Yeah, I’m driving, so I’m in charge of the music.She took the instrument of torture and gave the donkey another lash.Donkey: Will you witches make up your mind?The only response was another lash.Donkey: (singing) No matter what they take from meThe second witch grinned, apparently liking the song as she nudged her partner, who also liked the song. They even started to sing along.Donkey and Witches: (singing) They can't take away my dignity Because the greatest love of allShrek: Donkey? What’s going on? Do you know where Fiona is?As the witches kept singing, Donkey quietly spoke to him.Donkey: Quiet, ogre! You’re gonna get me in trouble and I need this job. I am not going back to work for Old MacDonald. Tell me to E-I-E-I-O. "E-I-E-I-No!" That’s what I said.Shrek: Where are my babies? (as Donkey rolls his eyes) And where’s your wife, Dragon?Donkey: Look, I think you have me confused with some other talking donkey. I’ve never seen you before in my life.Shrek: (puzzled) Never seen me before? Come on, Donkey!Donkey: And how do you know my name anyway?Shrek: It’s me, Shrek. Your best friend?Donkey: A donkey and an ogre friends? That’s the most ridiculous thing I ever heard!As Donkey kept pulling the cage, Shrek fumed in frustration.Shrek: Can you at least tell me where they’re taking me?Donkey: To the same place they take every ogre. To Rumpelstiltskin.Shrek: Stiltskin!Witch #1: (hits Shrek with her broom) I said "quiet"!The second witch whipped Donkey again.Donkey: (singing) Hit me with your best shotShe gave him another lash.Donkey: (singing) Why don't you hit me with your best shotShe gave him another lash, as if taking the lyrics literally.Donkey: (singing) Hit me with your best shotShrek then pounded the cage angrily as he saw something definitely different, and to his horror, it was most of the letters of the Far, Far Away sign destroyed.Shrek: Oh, no.Donkey: (singing) Fire away!To make matters worse, the green hills of the kingdom were now like a barren wasteland, and the castle is replaced with a huge fortress of a castle with a familiar carriage at the top, with a big 'R' on top as well.As Donkey pulled the cage through the village, Shrek looked on in disgust at how different Far, Far Away was in this alternate universe. The villagers were all scrounging for something or living miserably.Muffin Man's Voice: It’s time to crumble! Place your bets! Place your bets!Shrek turned, seeing a small crowd gathered around a small makeshift arena, placing bets, with the Muffin Man holding a spatula with a certain gingerbread man.Muffin Man: We start tout de suite!Gingy sprung up, but now he had battle scars on his face, chest, and arms, and was decorated with battle gear and a kilt like a Braveheart character, and he held up a big lollipop as his weapon.Gingy: Yeah!He gave a battle cry, leaping down onto the small arena while breaking his lollipop to give it sharp edges.Shrek: (confused) Gingy?Then out of three boxes came an assortment of sentient animal crackers charging at the gingerbread man, but because he now had a fierce personality, he shouted as he dodged each animal and used his lollipop to take down his opponents. He even used it to turn and decapitate some of the animal crackers.Gingy: Gingy snap!The spectators laughed, enjoying this sport. One of the certain dwarfs, who was one of the spectators, saw the cage pulling Shrek.Dwarf: (points at it) There’s one! Disgusting, filthy ogre!All the villagers gathered around with nasty scowls, shouting and jeering at the ogre prisoner.Villagers: (randomly) Hideous monster! Filthy, filthy creature! Disgusting creature!One villager chucked an overripe tomato at Shrek's face, with Shrek wiping it off. The villagers continued shouting nasty remarks towards Shrek as the cage pulled onward. One villager even chucked a glass bottle at the cage.The witches, Shrek and Donkey soon made it to the castle, which was now guarded by witches about every nook and cranny, and there was a shield with an "R" on the front of the gates, which went up. As they went inside, Shrek was in horror to see how different the castle grounds looked, and he passed something he definitely hadn't seen before: two ogres pushing the gear that controls the gates. The two ogres were miserable because they were being forced to by another witch with a whip.Slavery Witch: Move it!She whipped one of the ogres as she cackled evilly.The gate then closed as the carriage headed to the main hall and stopped right at the door. Once there, the cage's door was opened, Shrek was let out but placed in hand-cuffs and shackles around his neck, which were connected to sticks held by four more witches, as they lead the prisoner to the doors.Shrek: (quietly) Don’t worry, Donkey. I’ll get us our lives back.Donkey: Yeah, right. Put a little mustard on mine, Captain Crazy!The witches laughed heartlessly while pushing the doors open, and inside the huge room was a rave party going on with the whole room infested with witches, dancing and celebrating, with loud rave music playing. They saw the witches leading the imprisoned ogre through the room as they moved aside. Shrek glanced at his surroundings, and saw the Three Little Pigs in servant clothes feeding Fifi some ham. She pecked at it a bit, before scarfing it all down. He glanced at another corner with a witch band playing the rave music with a pumpkin drum, a broomstick bass, a skull xylophone which made synthisizer music, and a huge brewing cauldron. As the rest of the witches continued dancing and shouting with glee, the witches that held Shrek prisoner kept leading Shrek across the ballroom. At this time, at a small corner lined with red VIP ropes in front, a certain deal maker was in a couch-styled throne (with the ruler's seat being in the middle), wearing fancy white clothes, laughing and having drinks with four more witches. Then another witch called out.Witch: Mr. Stiltskin? You got another customer.He took a sip from a cocktail drink, glancing at the customer with a wide smirk. The customer was Pinocchio, who was being ushered through the VIP line by the witch. He turned to Wolf, now dressed as a maid, next to a cart full of different wigs.Rumpelstiltskin: (snaps fingers) Wolfie!Wolf: (dryly) Yes, Mr. Stiltskin.Rumpelstiltskin: Bring me my business wig.Pinocchio: (pleading) Mr. Stiltskin, please!Rumpelstiltskin: (cutting him off) Abupupup!The miserable wolf placed a Victorian styled white powdered wig over the short man.Rumpelstiltskin: (signals) OK, go.Pinocchio: Please make me a real boy!Rumpelstiltskin got out a rolled up contract and smacked the wolf away.Rumpelstiltskin: Go away! (to Pinocchio) Terms are in the details, balsa boy.He rolled out the contract, and pushed it, a quill and an ink jar towards the puppet, who was eagerly ready to sign.Pinocchio: Sayonara, termites! Hello, acne!The short man laughed as the puppet started signing.Shrek: (yells out) Stiltskin!Then all the music, dancing and talking stopped as all the witches turned towards the ogre. The deal maker was excited as he stood up on his desk.Rumpelstiltskin: Shrek! There he is!As he walked across the desk, he unknowingly knocked over the ink jar, spilling ink over the spot where Pinocchio signed half his name in cursive.Pinocchio: So close!The puppet's arm was grabbed by one of the witches and dragged away from the table, without Rumpelstiltskin caring to notice.Rumpelstiltskin: (extending out his arms) Have I been waiting for you!He hopped from the table and announced to all the witches.Rumpelstiltskin: Ladies, this is the guy that made all of this possible!They all cheered wildly. Then the deal maker climbed up towards Shrek's ear, pulling on it and speaking into it.Rumpelstiltskin: So, tell me, how are you enjoying your day?Shrek: All right, Rumpel, what’s going on? What have you done?He hopped off.Rumpelstiltskin: No, Shrek, it’s not what I’ve done. It’s what you’ve done. (skips to his table and sits on it) Thanks to you, the King and Queen signed their kingdom over to me.Shrek: (rolls eyes) They would never do that.Rumpelstiltskin: They would if I promised them all their problems would disappear.(Flashback)We see the same moment of Fiona's parents visiting the deal maker to sign a contract to save their daughter, but this time, it has a different ending. They signed their names, and then suddenly the king and queen began turning gold, to their alarm and horror.Rumpelstiltskin's Voice: And then THEY disappeared!Queen Lillian: No!King Harold: No!They then started to fade away.Both: Noooooooo!The king and queen exploded into gold dust, leaving only their crowns which dropped onto the table. The evil deal maker then took Harold's crown.(End of Flashback)Rumpelstiltskin held out the deceased king's crown, as Shrek realized he had tricked the king and queen into signing the kingdom and their lives over. Rumpelstiltskin spun the crown around as he sighed.Rumpelstiltskin: They would have done anything if they thought it would end their daughter’s curse.Shrek: I ended Fiona’s curse!Rumpelstiltskin: How could you when you never existed?He kicked the crown away.Shrek: You better start making sense, you dirty little man!Rumpelstiltskin: (pulls out contract from Shrek's vest) Here, let me spell it out for you! (points to fine print) You gave me a day from your past, a day you couldn’t even remember. A day when you were an innocent, mindless little baby.He walked away, mockingly humming "Happy Birthday", and that's when it dawned on Shrek.Shrek: You took the day I was born.The dictator held his toes before spreading his legs out.Rumpelstiltskin: No, Shrek. You gave it to me.Shrek: Enjoy this while you can, Stiltskin, because when this day is up…Rumpelstiltskin: (interrupts) But you haven’t heard the best part.He snapped his fingers, and another witch brought over a huge magic hourglass to the table, rerpesenting the remaining hours of the day.Rumpelstiltskin: Since you were never born, once this day comes to an end, so will you.The witches all laughed as Shrek saw the hourglass with the sand running, which meant the time he had left was running.Shrek: Where’s Fiona? Where’s my family?Rumpelstiltskin: Silly little ogre. You don’t get it, do you? You see, you were never born. You never met Fiona. (menacingly) Your kids don’t exist.Then the witches all laughed at Shrek's misery, making the ogre more upset. Rumpelstiltskin even taunted him some more.Rumpelstiltskin: How’s that for a metaphysical paradox?! Looks like you got exactly what you wanted! (mockingly) HAPPY OGRE DAY!!!!Shrek finally snapped and went for the short man.Shrek: (furiously) Rumpel!!He lunged at Rumpelstiltskin, who yelped in alarm as he jumped back.Rumpelstiltskin: Get him, witches!A witch fired another skull chain at Shrek, but he sensed it was coming this time, so he turned and blocked himself with the chains of his cuffs, just in time for the skull to reach him. The skull chomped the chains, breaking them. The witches screamed in alarm and panic as Shrek then ripped the shackles off his neck, growling. Another witch flying on a broomstick was twirling a skull chain and firing it at Shrek, but he quickly grabbed it and gave it a yank, pulling the witch down to his level. Shrek and the witch were face-to-face, with the witch worried what he would do to her.Outside in the halls, Donkey was speaking to two witches, though it was hard to tell if they were paying attention or ignoring.Donkey: You know what’d help morale around here? Flip-flop Fridays. Feet would be comfortable with the breeze on your toes.Then, without warning, the doors burst open and Shrek came flying through on the broomstick he took, rather clumsily. He knocked the two witches and Donkey down in the process, and at this time, "Click Click" by Light FM started playing. Shrek yelped a bit as he rode a loop-de-loop. Donkey looked over the edge of the bridge he was on and saw Shrek spiraling downward before trying to ride the broom on the bottom story, though not doing very well.Witch: Come on, girls!Five of the witches leaped off the bridge and onto their broomsticks, cackling madly as they pursued the ogre throughout the floor. Through the halls, Shrek still tried getting the hang of flying a broom as the pumpkin witch chucked pumpkin bombs at him, but he luckily dodged each one. Back on the top story, Rumpelstiltskin came out, angrily shoving one of the witches.Rumpelstiltskin: Lock all the doors, you worthless witches! (kicks a witch) Do it!The short man then saw Shrek flying up towards him with a stern look, making him yelp. As the ogre on the broom zoomed upward, Rumpelstiltskin's wig briefly flew off his head from the impact.Shrek: (calls back) I’ll be right back, Donkey!He zoomed off, trying to figure out how to shake the witches.Donkey: I don’t know you!He then looked back at Rumpelstiltskin.Donkey: I don’t know him!The witches pursued Shrek through a higher story, and when he came to the edge and saw a pole, he smirked, getting an idea. Once he came to the pole, he swung around it and flew back, though rather lop-sided. When the witches saw him swerving towards them, they all flew out of the way to avoid getting hit. Shrek then managed to get a decent hold of the broom as he zoomed back to the bottom floor, dodging more incoming pumpkin bombs. He came back to the floor where Rumpelstiltskin and Donkey were, stopped the broom and glared at the foe.Donkey: I’m glad I’m not you.The dictator ran off as Shrek then swooped in, but instead of going after the deal maker who stole his birth, he scooped up Donkey in one swipe and flew into another room, with Donkey screaming for help.Donkey: Help me! Help!Shrek saw the skylight up above, and he smirked, getting an escape idea.Donkey: Help!With the witches still on the ogre's tail, he swung around the golden chain of a huge shiny ball hung as the castle's centerpiece. He grabbed the chain, and began to twirl around the room while holding the chain, using the ball to smash everything in its path, with the witches (the ones who weren't chasing Shrek) all screaming as they ran to avoid getting crushed by the ball or the debris. While this happened, Rumpelstiltskin could only watch helplessly and in despair.Rumpelstiltskin: No, not my pretty ball!The witches continued pursuing Shrek, with the ogre and donkey getting closer to the skylight, with Donkey screaming and Shrek yelling.Shrek: (covers Donkey's eyes) Watch out!The two then smashed straight through the skylight with the ball getting jammed in the hole, and the flying witches' brooms getting pinned to the ball itself, and some fell off, screaming, and landed on the floor. Outside, Shrek and Donkey zoomed off and away from the castle, with Donkey still screaming. Back in the castle, the ball didn't have anything to latch itself to, so it didn't take long for the ball itself to creak loudly, before falling back and crashing into the ground with a very loud thump.Rumpelstiltskin: Wolfie? My angry wig.The witch maids walked away in worry while Wolf removed the business wig and replaced it with a new one, which was a tall, red, fiery wig that resembled either Syndrome's hair from the Incredibles or a Troll doll's hair. Wolf walked away as well before the dictator breathed in anger.With Shrek and Donkey, the two continued riding the broom, with the latter still panicking and struggling to get out of the ogre's grip.Donkey: Help! I’ve been kidnapped by a deranged, unbalanced ogre!Shrek: Donkey! Get off of me! Watch it with your pointy hooves!Then they ended up crashing through a tree, and it looked like Donkey was riding the broom with Shrek holding onto the edge. Then, as they crashed through another tree, and it looked like Shrek was riding the broom backwards with Donkey riding on the bottom, upside-down. Then, after crashing through another tree, the two ended up flying off the broomstick and on the ground hard, with Shrek on his back and Donkey on the ogre's stomach. Donkey then looked very worried, and then, the next thing you know, he was running for his life with the ogre chasing after him.Donkey: Just take my wallet!Shrek: Hey!Donkey: I’m being ass-napped!Shrek then tackled his best friend, who was still terrified of the ogre.Donkey: Animal cruelty! Help!Shrek: (covers Donkey's mouth) You need to calm down! I’m your friend.Donkey: (muffled) My friend?Shrek: I’m not gonna hurt you, all right?He nodded, though in fear.Shrek: Good. I’m gonna let go…right…now.Once Shrek removed his hand, Donkey still panicked.Donkey: Please! Eat my face last! Send my hooves to my mama!Shrek: Donkey! You’ve got to trust me.Donkey: Why should I trust you?Shrek: Because…because…He then thought of the only way to convince Donkey, but he shook his head, not believing he was about to do it.Shrek: (sighs) OK.He got up and started to sing while dancing a bit, and wasn't particularly good at carrying a tune.Shrek: (singing) Winter, spring, summer, fall All you got to do is call And I'll be there, ye, ye, ye You've got a friendDonkey then got up, with his look of fear fading away, and he began to grin warmly. It looked like for a minute, Donkey recognized his best friend and was about to embrace him but instead, he ran away, screaming some more. The ogre was left dumbstruck.Shrek: Fine! Go ahead! Run away! Who needs you?He then miserably walked through the forest and sat down on a log, but upon sitting, a squeaky noise was heard. He reached from his pocket and pulled out the source of the noise, Felicia's squeaky ogre toy. He stared at it and held it sadly, knowing he'll never see Fiona or his kids again. Then, as a tear began streaming from his eye, he held his head down.Donkey's Voice: I’ve never seen an ogre cry.He turned and saw Donkey right next to him. He then wiped the tear away.Shrek: I’m not crying.Donkey: It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I cry all the time. Just thinking about my grandma, or thinking about baby kittens, or my grandma kissing a baby kitten, (choking up) or a little baby grandma kitten. (starts to cry himself) That is so darn sad.Shrek: I said I’m not crying!Donkey: (recovers) Take it easy, I’m only trying to help. It’s none of my business why you’re upset. By the way, why are you upset?Shrek: I was tricked into signing something I shouldn’t have.Donkey: You signed up for one of them time-shares, huh?Shrek: (pulls out contract) No. I signed this.Donkey: (gasps) You should never sign a contract with Rumpelstiltskin!Shrek: Yeah, I got that.Donkey: His fine print is crafty.Shrek: I know.Donkey: His exit clauses are sneaky.Shrek: Yeah, I...What did you say?Donkey: I’m talking about the exit clause. Used to be, you had to guess his name, but now everybody knows who Rumpelstiltskin is.Shrek: Donkey, I’ve read the fine print. There’s nothing about an exit clause in here.Donkey: Well, you didn’t expect him to make it easy for you. Here, let me show you how it’s done.He grabbed the contract with his teeth and placed it on the ground, starting to fold the paper.Donkey: I didn’t spend all that time around them witches without picking up a few tricks. Your tiny, little ogre brain couldn’t begin to comprehend the complexity of my polygonic foldability skills.Shrek: What are you doing?Donkey: Hey, I can’t get my origami on unless you back off. Thank you.Shrek rolled his eyes and sighed as Donkey continued folding.Shrek: OK, here’s what you gotta do. You fold this piece here, make this letter match up here, bring this corner here, and if you do it just right, it will show you what to do.Then Shrek saw that Donkey's paper folding started to from letters together to form the exit clause. Once Donkey was finished, he showed the folded up paper to the ogre.Donkey: There! "Try Lou’s Bliss. "Shrek only gave a confused look.Donkey: Who’s Lou?Shrek: Give me that!He snatched the paper and did some folding himself, and then it showed a heart with the TRUE words of the exit clause: "True Love's Kiss".Shrek: "True Love’s Kiss. "Donkey: Hey, you have to take me to dinner first.Shrek: (rolls eyes) "According to fairy tale law, if not fully satisfied, true love’s kiss will render this contract null and void." Donkey, you did it!He then picked Donkey up and hugged him, with Donkey struggling.Shrek: Look at you! If Fiona and I share true love’s kiss, I will get my life back!Donkey: (gets down) OK! This isn’t a petting zoo! So where is this Fiona?Shrek: Well, that’s just it, you see. I don’t know.Donkey: You know, when I lose something, I always try to retrace my steps. So, where did you leave her last?Shrek: The last time I saw her, I told her I wished I’d never rescued her.His eyes widened in realization.Shrek: Oh, no.Shrek knew the only place to look was the place he first rescued her: the dragon's keep, and that's where he went, with Donkey following. This time, there was no lava surrounding the castle. Shrek ran across the bridge, hoping to find Fiona.Donkey: Shrek? Shrek! Shrek, wait! Wait, Shrek! What, are you crazy? That’s the Dragon’s Keep! They keep dragons in there!He tried running across to stop the ogre, but he screamed when one of the boards he stepped on broke, so he quickly went back.Donkey: OK, yeah, fine! Go ahead! I’m gonna just hang back here and find us some breakfast!Not paying attention to Donkey, Shrek just raced through the castle, breathing desperately. Thankfully, since Dragon wasn't there either for some reason, Shrek had no trouble making it to the stairs leading to the highest room in the tallest tower. He ran up those stairs and burst the door open, causing pigeons in the room to scatter.Shrek: Fiona!He looked and saw the bed where he first found Fiona deserted, and the curtains and sheets were all ripped. That's not all he saw. He saw something behind the tapestry of a knight on a steed. He went over, pushing the tapestry aside, seeing markings on the stone wall. They were tallies of all the days Fiona has been locked in the tower. Shrek tore the tapestry off, and the whole wall was marked with tallies. Shrek put his hand on the wall in regret, and then depressingly went over to the bed, and there he saw Fiona's princess tiara.Shrek: Oh, no.He picked up the tiara, sat down and held it in his hands.Shrek: If I didn’t save Fiona…then who did?He then noticed another object on the ground, and that object was the handkerchief Fiona gave Shrek on the day he rescued her. He picked it up and held it as well.Soon, he returned from the castle, holding the handkerchief.Shrek: This is the favour Fiona was supposed to give me on the day we met.Donkey looked surprised.Shrek: It’s a symbol of our love. (pushes hankie in front of Donkey's face) Now smell it!Donkey: (winces) Hey, man, get that dirty favour out of my face!Shrek: Your nose is the only chance I have of tracking down my wife, so stop complaining and start smelling. (waves it in front of Donkey) Smell it! Get it! Away you go, girl!Donkey: Do I look like a bloodhound to you? In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a donkey, not a dog! If I was a dog, they’d call me Dog, not Donkey! And another thing...Then he started sniffing.Donkey: Wait a minute. I think I got something.He sniffed the air some more, walking around a bit.Donkey: Whatever it is, it’s sweet.Shrek: Fiona.Donkey: Luscious and tasty.Shrek: (frowns) Hey! That’s my wife you’re talking about.The donkey then abruptly rose his head up, and dashed off into the forest.Shrek: Donkey!Donkey started sniffing the ground in the forest like a bloodhound, and to his surprise and happiness, he saw an unguarded plate of stacked waffles coated in syrup sitting on a stump.Donkey: Yeah! Waffles! And I thought the Waffle Fairy was just a bedtime story. (rushes up to plate) Sticky stacks of golden, syrupy deliciousness!Shrek: Donkey! Don’t eat that!Donkey stopped and frowned.Shrek: There’s a stack of freshly made waffles in the middle of the forest. Don’t you find that a wee bit suspicious?Donkey only gave an "I don't know" kind of mumble before trying to take a little nibble of the waffles, but Shrek kept protesting against it.Shrek: Oh, you…(as Donkey prepares to nibble) I’m just…What are you…? Bad Donkey! Mustn’t--I said, don’t! Don’t! No! Get away from it.But Donkey extended his tongue out and licked the dripping syrup of the waffles.Shrek: You did.Then, without warning, the plate flung the waffles onto a tree. Donkey quickly realized it was a trap.Donkey: Uh-oh.The stump flipped open like a lid and looked at the hole, rather confused because it didn't seem like an effective trap to him. However, that was not the full trap. Shrek glanced around, seeing hidden pulleys and counterweights turning, and then a log came swinging out to the direction of the two.Shrek: (ducks) Look out!But Donkey didn't duck in time, as he got hit in the end by the log, sending him into the hole. The ogre ran up to the hole, lifting the lid, seeing Donkey lying there.Shrek: Donkey! Are you OK?Donkey: I’m fine.But then his hooves got snagged by a rope trap and he was yanked away, screaming.Shrek: Donkey.He leaped into the hole and saw it led to a tunnel, and because it was small to walk through, he had to crawl through it.Donkey's Voice: Help! Help me! Help, Shrek! Help!Then he came out through the other end, pushing the roots, and when getting up, he was awestruck at where he was. He was in some hidden camp with ogres like him roaming about, carrying stuff and doing chores. He wandered around in amazement, looking at the sights, making him grin a bit. A blacksmith ogre was sharpening a tool and a female ogre was carrying an anvil of some sort. As Shrek kept wandering, two ogres carrying a log were coming from behind him.Ogre #1: Watch your head.He then ducked, letting the two ogres lift the log over him. Then three ogres, including a female one named Gretched, came around him.Ogre #2: Hey, it’s a new guy!Ogre #3: Look at him, all dressed up in his Sunday vest.Gretched: He’s really tiny, isn’t he?Ogre #2: Yeah.Then, a slender ogre taller than Shrek, known as Brogan, came behind our main ogre, putting his arm around him.Brogan: Fate has delivered us a comrade-in-arms and for that, we are thankful. Suit him up!The other ogres then took Shrek to get suited up.Ogre #3: Let’s go, greenie.Shrek: Now, wait a minute!He was placed on an armor vest, along with some wrist bands, and a helmet. One ogre smacked him in the rear to get him going.Shrek: Hey!Brogan: Here you go.An axe was tossed into Shrek's arms, which Shrek luckily caught. Three ogres each threw an axe at three different dummies wearing witch's clothes. One ogre even tackled a witch dummy, and brawled with it. ShrekBrogan: Welcome to the resistance.Shrek: (confused) Resistance?Brogan: (puts arm around Shrek) We fight for freedom and ogres everywhere!He then held his nose and started blowing a toot through his ears, and then, all the other ogres held their noses and blew through their ears. When the blowing was done, the resistance ogres hooted and laughed while Shrek was even more stunned than already.Shrek: I didn’t know we could do that.Suddenly, he heard a certain donkey yelling for help, and he turned to see Donkey being carried upside-down by two ogres and tied to some sticks.Donkey: Help! You can’t eat me! I got the mange! I’m poisonous! I’m all poi…But one of the ogres stuffed an apple in his mouth, resulting in Donkey to yell, muffled. Then Shrek grabbed Donkey by the sticks.Shrek: I’ll take him! This order’s to go.One of the ogres carrying him, a chef ogre named Cookie then grabbed the sticks.Cookie: Hey! I haven’t removed his giblets yet.Shrek: Trust me, you don’t want to eat this one.Donkey: (spits out apple) I go down smooth, but come out fighting!The two ogres ended up having a tug-of-war with Donkey.Shrek: Let go!Cookie: Don’t make Papa mad.Shrek: Your dinner is my friend!Brogan came over, trying to break up the two.Brogan: Come on, guys!Cookie: I got to get the giblets out!Then, a horn was sounded, stopping the fight and getting all ogres' and Donkey's attention.Ogre #4: She’s back.Shrek turned and saw a figure arriving on the hill, who was clad with a helmet and armor, and holding an axe in her hand. She removed her helmet, and revealed to be none other than Fiona (in ogre form). She stood there, with the wind blowing her hair, giving it a dramatic flare. When Shrek saw her, he grinned in so much relief.Shrek: There she is. (hands axe to one of the ogres) Fiona!He began running up to Fiona, who noticed Shrek running up to her.Shrek: I’m so happy I found you!Of course, because Shrek was never born, Fiona did not accept/return the embrace. Instead, before Shrek could hug her, she lifted up her foot and kicked Shrek in the face, sending him flying, yelling in slow-motion, before crashing to the ground. The ogres winced while some couldn't help but chuckle a bit. The groaning Shrek got up as Fiona walked up, handing her axe to Gretched, and her helmet to Brogan.Fiona: Maybe you missed orientation, but for future reference, personal space is very important to me.Shrek then looked very worried.Shrek: You don’t know who I am, do you?Fiona: No. (to Brogan) Brogan, I have news from Far Far Away. Gather the others and meet me in the war room.Shrek: Fiona.Fiona: Gretched, make sure everyone is prepared to move out tonight.Shrek: I need to talk to you.Fiona: What is it?Shrek: OK, I know you don’t remember me, but…we’re married.Needless to say, she gave a confused look.Shrek: Hear me out. I was at the birthday party with some pigs and a puppet, the villagers wanted me to sign their pitchforks, and this boy kept saying, "Do the roar. Do the roar. Do the roar."As he explained and tried making it sound as believable as he could, Brogan and Gretched were equally as confused as Fiona.Shrek: Then I punched the cakes that the pigs ate and the next thing I knew, my donkey fell in your waffle hole.Needless to say as well, pretty much all ogres that weren't Shrek, were completely dumbstruck, and so was Donkey.Shrek: Right? Who’s with me?Fiona: Wow, (chuckles a bit) I guess I must have kicked him harder than I thought.The ogres in the resistance laughed a bit.Shrek: Fiona, I need to…But she held his hand up, as a lookout ogre was perched on a lookout, making "caw" sounds.Fiona: Witches! All right, everyone, you know the drill!She and the other ogres (except Shrek) went to their battle stations.Shrek: Fiona!Donkey: Witches! Oh, no! Witches! Witches!Shrek grabbed Donkey and the sticks he was still attached to.Shrek: Come on, now.Some of the ogres cut some ropes, closing up the big holes some ogres hid in just in time, and dropping sand bags on fires, putting them out. The weapons were placed in a net which was hoisted upwards, and then a couple ogres hid in a hole underground, putting a cover over the hiding place. Some other ogres, wearing rocks and plants on their heads, held their breaths as they ducked down into some swamp water, and the remaining ogres (Fiona and Brogan included) with bush disguises gathered around the spot where Shrek was and crouched down. With that, every last ogre and the camp itself was completely hidden from sight. Shrek covered the whimpering Donkey's mouth, while the ogres looked up, and saw three of the witches flying up over the forest on their brooms. The lead witch glanced down at the forest, not finding any ogres or the camp, and gave a sneer. The witches then flew off, retreating to Rumpelstiltskin's castle. Once they were gone, the ogres came from their hiding place, murmuring while heading back to their posts.Brogan: Fiona, that’s the third patrol today. We can’t hide forever.Fiona: Trust me, Brogan. After tonight, we won’t have to.Shrek and Donkey just sat where they were.Donkey: That’s your wife?Shrek: That’s my wife.Donkey: Well, I see who wears the chain mail in your family!The ogre gave a weird look at the donkey.Back at Rumpelstiltskin's palace, the dictator, not wearing any wigs, was staring at the hour glass with the sands of Shrek's time running, and he gave a sigh.Rumpelstiltskin: Some people like to look at the goblet as--as half empty.He then turned to a table where some of his witches was sitting, and each had her own cupcake.Rumpelstiltskin: Me, I like to look at it as half full. We’ve gone from the bottom to the top, ladies, but we’re not just an empire, we’re a family. Everyone has got their cupcake? Cupcake? Cupcake? Good. Yes? (to one of the witches) Baba?The witch named Baba nodded.Rumpelstiltskin: Good.He then walked around the table as he continued.Rumpelstiltskin: Yeah, you know, we have put away a lot of ogres. And so one got away. Who cares? It’s not a big deal. It doesn’t matter to me.One of the witches who was eating her cupcake, nodded in agreement.Rumpelstiltskin: It’s not like it’s the end of the world.Then he came to the edge of the table, with the tone of his voice becoming a bit more sharp.Rumpelstiltskin: Except, funny thing...He motioned the witch he was near to help him upon top of the table and that's what she did, and the villain began to rant.Rumpelstiltskin: Now that I think about it, the ogre who got away is Shrek! (with frustration raising in his voice) And if he shares a kiss with Fiona by sunrise, it IS the end of the world! OUR world! MY EMPIRE!!Fifi, resting nearby, honked loudly. Then Rumpelstiltskin exhaled, calming down a bit, as he continued speaking more calmly, though his voice still had a hint of danger to it.Rumpelstiltskin: But, as I was saying, (takes pitcher of water and pours it into glass) I like to look at the goblet as half full.The witches gasped and whimpered in fear, knowing that he might use it to melt any one of them.Rumpelstiltskin: Yelling makes me so parched. Would anyone care for some water?He began to walk across the table and shove the glass of water in one of the panicked witches' faces.Rumpelstiltskin: Wet your whistle?She shook her head 'no' in fear as he slyly walked over to another panicked witch.Rumpelstiltskin: A clear, crisp, delicious glass...of aqua purificada?She nervously declined as well.Rumpelstiltskin: Anybody’s thirsty? Nobody’s thirsty? No? (puts pitcher down) Well, then does anyone care to tell me what it’s going to take to get this ogre?!He narrowed his eyes and pointed to Broomsy Witch.Rumpelstiltskin: You.Broomsy Witch: Faster brooms?Rumpelstiltskin: No!Hat Witch: (scared) Pointier hats?Rumpelstiltskin: No! (to another witch) You!Witch: Maybe we could hire a professional bounty hunter?He shouted and stomped his feet in frustration before splashing the water onto the witch, melting her like a certain other witch.Witch: (as she's melting) What a world! What a world!Soon, as the steam cleared and there was nothing left of that witch but a soggy pile of her clothes. Then, Rumpelstiltskin pondered at the suggestion.Rumpelstiltskin: You know, actually not a bad idea. (points to Baba) Baba!Baba jumped out of her chair in fear.Rumpelstiltskin: I need a bounty hunter. And if music doth soothe the savage beast…(chortles evilly a bit) then I think I might know just the person!He dipped his finger in the frosting of the cupcake and licked the frosting right off, giving a malicious grin.Back at the resistance camp, a meeting was being held inside a tree, with Shrek and Donkey, who was untied, looking from the outside through some holes in the trees. Shrek has gathered Brogan, Gretched, Cookie, and some other ogres to discuss a battle plan, which was set out on a rock table, with little model figures and everything.Fiona: Listen up, everyone. Word has come from Far Far Away. Stiltskin is leading tonight’s ogre hunt himself.The ogres started murmuring.Ogres: (randomly) He’s never done that before. What? Why?Donkey: I bet that’s because of us.Shrek: Shhh!Brogan: If that cupcake-eating clown finally leaves the safety of his filthy witch nest, he’ll be vulnerable.Fiona: The plan’s simple.She starts moving a model of the carriage with a couple witches along a path, with the ogre models off to the side and Fiona's model on top of a cliff.Fiona: If they follow the usual patrol route, they’ll reach the river by midnight. We’ll be concealed along this road, waiting for his caravan. Once they reach the clearing, I’ll give the signal.Fiona pressed the top of her model's head, making its arm raise up a sword it had, which would be the signal.Fiona: And then we attack!He raised her actual dagger and used it to slide the ogre models toward the witch models, knocking the latter down and off the table.Fiona: And when the smoke clears…Then she noticed a model of Cookie with some sort of wagon.Fiona: Wait, what’s this?Cookie: That’s my chimichanga stand.Fiona: No, Cookie. We won’t be needing that.Cookie: Trust me, Fiona. Y’all gonna be really hungry after this ambush, okay?She only gave a small smirk, deciding to humor him.Cookie: Go ahead and finish your little speech.Fiona: All right, as I was saying, when the smoke clears, Rumpelstiltskin is gone and the chimichangas have been eaten. Far Far Away will finally be free.Brogan: And so will we.Fiona: Spread the word. We move out as soon as Rumpel leaves the palace.The other ogres chattered in agreement, while outside, Shrek and Donkey looked concerned.Donkey: Man, this is serious!Shrek: (slumps back) Tell me about it. How am I ever gonna get her to kiss me before sunrise?Donkey: Actually, I was talking about the revolution.Shrek: Revolution?He only gave a scoff.Donkey: Why don’t you just tell her what you told me? About how you’re her true love and you came from an alternate universe.Shrek: (sarcastically) Well, while I’m at it, why don’t I tell her that you’re married to a fire-breathing dragon and you have little, mutant donkey-dragon babies.Hearing this made the Donkey stunned and interested a bit.Donkey: I do?!Shrek: You saw what happened. She’s gonna think I’m crazy.Donkey: I’m a daddy?He then glanced at a frog nearby, getting a new idea.Shrek: You know what? If I got Fiona to kiss me once…He then blew the frog up like a balloon exactly like he did before.Shrek: Then I can do it again.Shrek started to head inside Fiona's tent. He peered his head inside.Donkey: Shrek, do my babies have hooves or talons?Shrek: Donkey! Hello? Fiona?He went inside with the frog balloon tied to a string attached to a small gift basket he had. He looked around, seeing a shield and weapons hung up, and a play tower/scratching post for cats. In fact, two familiar cat eyes appeared in the hole.Puss's Voice: You should not be here, senior.Shrek: Puss?Suddenly, Puss's lower half started squeezing out, only something was different about it: it was bigger and more round. The cat grunted and squeezed out of the hole, finally revealing what he looked like in this world: a tubby orange cat, currently wearing nothing but a bow around his neck.Shrek: (frowns) You’ve gotta be kidding me.The orange cat slid down the scratching post very slowly and plopped onto a purple pillow at the foot of the tower. He struggled a bit to get up, but he eventually sat up and gave his usual glare towards foes.Puss: Feed me, if you dare.Shrek: (sets basket down) Puss, what happened to you? You got so fa…The orange cat glared, knowing he was about to say the obvious word.Shrek: Fa…fancy.Puss: Do I know you?Shrek: Well, where’s your hat? Where’s your belt? Your wee little boots?Puss: (gets off pillow) Boots? For a cat? Ha!He groaned while getting up and staggering toward some cream bottles and a bowl.Shrek: But you’re Puss in Boots.Puss: (pops lid off bottle)  Maybe once, but that is a name I have outgrown.Shrek: That’s not the only thing you’ve outgrown.Puss:(  pours cream into bowl and sets the bottle down ) Hey! I may have let myself go a little since retirement, but hanging up my sword was the best decision of my life. I have all the cream I can drink and all the mice I can chase.A mouse appeared, licking from the bowl and the cat glanced at it.Puss: Eh, I’ll get him later.He licked from the bowl, which he was apparently sharing with the mouse. Shrek put his hands on the sides of his head in dismay.Shrek: Puss, what have I done to you? You’ve gone soft.The orange cat went back to his pillow.Puss: (yawns) Well, I do get brushed twice a day.He laid back in relaxation.Shrek: Look, it’s not too late to fix it. All you have to do is help me get a kiss from Fiona.At this time, Fiona came back and was not happy to see Shrek inside her tent without permission.Fiona: What are you doing?Shrek: (turns around) Hey!Fiona: Can I help you with something?Shrek: Well, I know how stressful mounting a rebellion can be, rallying the troops, planning attacks and all that, so I brought you a little something to ease the tension.He held up the gift basket, but she didn't seem impressed.Fiona: A gift basket?Shrek: You’re welcome. So let’s see what you got.He then got out each different gift from the basket.Shrek: Heart-shaped box of slugs. A skunk-scented candle.He sniffed the candle.Shrek: Mmm.Fiona: Look, this really isn’t the…Shrek: What’s this? (holds out a homemade coupon book) Coupons! Let’s see, "Good for one free foot massage." "A mud facial!" Oh, and here’s one.He came to one that had a childish drawing of his face on it.Shrek: "Good for one free kiss." Let’s cash it now.Fiona: Look, I don’t know what this is all about, but I’m trying to run a revolution. So unless you have Rumpelstiltskin’s head in there, I suggest you take your gift basket, get out of my tent and go make yourself useful! Wow.Shrek: Wow. You’re right. I am sorry. I was just trying to be friendly. (holds out hand) No hard feelings?Fiona decided to shake his hand.Shrek: An apologetic hug?The two hugged.Shrek: And a quick kiss goodbye.Fiona: Hey!She quickly stopped him, grabbed his arm and placed it behind his back, forcing him to leave.Shrek: Wait! Is that mistletoe I see?He was then thrown out of the tent on his back before Donkey came to him with a grin.Donkey: Hey, Shrek! Are my babies cute, or do they make people feel uncomfortable?Back inside the tent,Fiona: Where’d we find that guy?Puss, meanwhile, looked at his own reflection in the shield, and thought about the little talk between him and Shrek.Puss: Could it be true? Have the years of prim and pampery made me soft?Fiona then got out a comb and crush.Fiona: Don’t be silly. Now who’s a pretty kitty?Puss: (gives cute pose) I am.Back at the palace, the three pigs were busy taking care of Fifi, and they were disgusted with doing so. Heimlich was in charge of scrubbing the goose's teeth (yes, goose don't normally have teeth, but this one does apparently), Horst was in charge of trimming her toenails, and Dieter was in charge of scrubbing her with a big soap brush and he plunged the brush into the suds bowl in annoyance. Rumpelstiltskin came over to his giant pet and cuddled her by the head.Rumpelstiltskin: Daddy thinks you look real nice, Fifi.He carressed her a bit, as she honked.Rumpelstiltskin: Honk.He then turned to the pigs with a scowl.Rumpelstiltskin: All right, Piggies, be gone! Don’t forget to take her little potty box with you.Dieter and Heimlich then carried the potty box away in disgust, with Horst following and spraying some perfume to drown any odors. Fifi then snipped Horst in the curly tail, making him yelp.Horst: (whines) This little piggy wants to go home!When the pigs were gone, a witch named Griselda came running in.Griselda: Mr. Stiltskin! He’s here.Rumpelstiltskin sat back on his throne with a couple other witches at his side.Rumpelstiltskin: Nice.The bounty hunter then came in through the doors, playing a flute, and he was approaching the throne, but not using his arms and legs to do so. Instead, he used a magic flute to make a small pack of mice carrying him all the way on their backs. Once the bounty hunter was revealed in front of the dictator and witches, the mice scampered off. He was in fact the Pied Piper.Rumpelstiltskin: Pied Piper. How was your commute?Instead of speaking, the piper communicated by playing a few notes.Rumpelstiltskin: Good.Griselda: (scoffs) You call this guy a bounty hunter? What’s he gonna do, (motions flute playing) flute those ogres a lullaby?She and the other three witches chortled, while Rumpelstiltskin gave a nod to the piper, who nodded back, and then he turned the setting on the end of his flute from mouse to duck to witch. He then started playing a new song on the flute while beatboxing, and to the surprise of the witches, Griselda's arms began moving by themselves. Then she yelped as she started involuntarily breakdancing to the song, which is "Sure Shot" by the Beastie Boys, and the other two witches involuntarily got up and started dancing against their will as well, yelling in alarm.Griselda: OK, got it! Make it stop!Rumpelstiltskin just laughed at this, enjoying it. The dancing and song lasted for a bit, before the dictator got up, waving his arms.Rumpelstiltskin: All right, that’s enough.With that, the witches' dancing halted, ending with involuntary dancer poses as the three panted, and the piper ended his tune. Rumpelstiltskin gave an evil look.Rumpelstiltskin: Looks like it’s time to pay the piper.The witches still stood where they were.Rumpelstiltskin: Griselda, seriously, it’s time to pay the piper. Now go get my checkbook!The two witches left and Griselda got up to get the checkbook, but the impatient Rumpelstiltskin kicked her rear.Rumpelstiltskin: Go! Move! Get out! Things are getting real sloppy around here!The piper then switched the setting from witch to unicorn to his commissioned setting: ogre.Back at the resistance camp, Shrek had been put to kitchen duties by Cookie. He was now wearing a hair net (despite the fact he had no hair) and a smock. Cookie handed Shrek a bowl of the usual food ogres eat.Cookie: Here, now make sure they eat up! You can’t end tyranny on an empty stomach! (pushes Shrek out) Go on! (smacks him in the rear) Go!So Shrek went to the other dining ogres as Cookie called out to them.Cookie: Din-din!The ogres cheered, ready for some grub. Shrek poured some eyeballs into one ogre's bowl. One other ogre slurped up a snake like a spaghetti noodle, another ate cockroaches and onions straight off a shish kabob stick, another chomped into a worm burger (with some remaining roaches scattering all over him), and one more ogre slurped up a whole string of snails attached together. Donkey was at one of the tables with the ogres, surprisingly not as dinner but as a guest.Ogre #5: Come on, Donkey. One more time, please?Donkey: All right, but this is the last time.Shrek stopped just to take a glance at what Donkey was doing. Donkey dunked his snout into a bowl of eyeballs.Brogan: Here it comes. Look at him.He raised his head back up, closed his eyes and then let out a snort, causing two eyeballs (the ones from the bowl, not his own) to pop out of his nostrils. Shrek yelped in surprise and disgust, but the other ogres, on the other hand, all laughed heartily because they found the trick hilarious.Donkey: I see you! (wags his tongue) Ah la la la la!The ogres (minus Shrek) continued laughing hysterically.Donkey: (singing) These eyes have seen a lot of loves But they're never gonna see another one like I had with youBrogan then spoke to Shrek.Brogan: That’s quite a friend you’ve got there. I can see why you haven’t eaten him.Donkey: (wags his tongue again) Ah la la la la!Shrek chose this time to set down next to Donkey.Shrek: Donkey! (as Donkey opens his real eyes) I hate to pull you away from your adoring public, but I’m not getting anywhere with Fiona.Shrek then pulled the trick eyeballs out of Donkey's nostrils.Shrek: I need your help!Cookie: Hey, everybody. Who wants dessert?Shrek saw that Cookie had one of his gifts for Fiona and threw it onto the table. The ogres were eager for it as they chattered each wanting a piece of it, they took everything, from the lid to the slugs inside. They even eagerly ripped the box itself, leaving nothing but the heart-shaped base at the bottom, which was ripped in half, looking ironically like a broken heart, to Shrek's dismay.Ogre #3: Where’d you get these?Cookie: Fiona’s garbage. Just another gift from some clueless lover boy.The ogres (minus Shrek) all laughed, and even Donkey couldn't help but giggle.Donkey: That’s a good one, Cookie!Then he got a glare from Shrek, making him stop giggling.Ogre #3: Anyone who knows Fiona knows this stuff ain’t gonna work on her.Gretched: (takes one of the slugs and eats it) Works on me.The resistance ogres laughed a bit some more.Shrek: Donkey, what am I gonna do? It’s like I don’t even know her.Donkey: You in trouble, Romeo. The only thing Fiona cares about is her cause.Brogan: (raises fist) To the cause!Ogres (minus Shrek): (raising their fists) To the cause!They cheered a bit, before continuing their eating.Donkey: All right!Then Shrek had an epiphany, knowing the only way he could possibly get close to this world's Fiona in order to save himself.In Fiona's tent, the resistance leader herself was practicing witch-striking while blindfolded, waiting for any witches to strike. A cardboard witch dummy popped up from a corner and she threw a spinning axe at it, directly chopping through the dummy's head. Then another witch dummy came sliding down a pulley, and the blindfolded Fiona chucked another axe at it, directly hitting it and cutting it in half. Then she heard the sound of a dummy of a witch on a cage wagon creeping in the distance, as well as another dummy witch popping up in front. She used her foot to spring a spear up off the ground, take the spear and throw it like a javelin at the dummy, knocking it off and hitting the witch-on-cage dummy as well. The spear sent both dummies smack dab onto a tree. Shrek then appeared, wearing a helmet and iron bracelets around his wrists.Shrek: Hello!She sprung her axe and got ready to swing it, and as it got near Shrek's head, he screamed a bit. Fiona lifted her blindfold to see who it was.Shrek: (smirks) Nice moves.Fiona: (removes her blindfold) What are you doing?Shrek: What does it look like? I’m getting ready for ambush action. Oh, yeah. I always like to quad my lutes and do some scrunches before an operational…op.He picked out a spiky tool from a nearby weapon bucket.Shrek: This one taken?Fiona: We use that to clean the toilets.He got out another weapon.Fiona: And we use that one to clean the thing we clean the toilets with.Shrek: I knew that.He then got out an axe.Fiona: There you go, chief.Then, to the ogre's surprise, the axe was part mace. He chuckled a bit, swinging it around before the axe part snapped off the chain and spun towards a witch dummy, landing smackdab in the head's center. He chuckled a bit again, impressed by the accidentally successful hit, but then when he leaned on the weapon bucket, he knocked it over. He tried picking it up, but he ended up knocking some witch dummies and more stuff over, yelping in the progress. The noises woke up Puss, who was sleeping on an upper ledge.Fiona: Hey, uh, Scott?Shrek: My name is Shrek, actually.Fiona: You’re going to get yourself killed at the ambush tonight.Shrek: (gets up) I’ll be fine. I think I can take care of myself.Then, without warning, she threw a shield against him as a song began to play.Fiona: (smirks) Well, let’s see about that.She then started to assault him with a huge hammer, which he used his shield to block. This was some type of training.Shrek: Hey!Golden leaves looked brown to meShe continued trying to hit him as he blocked her with the shield.Shrek: Hey, hey! What the…?The world had less color without youHe then spotted a spiky club lying on the ground. He took it used it to attack Fiona back, hitting her shield hard and sending her down. She blocked herself, and it appeared that she was whimpering, to Shrek's concern.Shrek: Fiona?Of course, she was faking it as she got back up and smacked Shrek with her weapon.Fiona: Ha-ha!Shapes in the sky look plain to my eyesThe two ogres then started attacking/blocking each other for a few moments, until Fiona kicked Shrek to the wall, hitting a dummy with a gourd for a head.The world had less color without youShrek got back up and hit Fiona's shield with his axe, then Fiona hit Shrek with a big log, which he blocked with his shield. Then Shrek grabbed a huge mace to strike Fiona with, which she blocked. Shrek was enjoying this practice, but then his eyes widened upon seeing Fiona with a huge uprooted tree. She whacked Shrek, sending him down, and both ogres laughed.Without youShrek got out and the next thing you know, both ogres started punching each other.I know plenty of people with eyes closedThey kept on punching until Shrek stopped Fiona's fists, with the two breathing as they looked at each other. Puss was still watching and gave an amazed look at the chemistry between the ogres.They don't see you like I do Darling I doThen one of the bracelets fell off Shrek's wrist.Fiona: I got it.She picked it up.Fiona: Give me your hand.He gave her his hand and she started to retie it onto his wrist.Fiona: The dragon goes under the bridge, through the loop and finally...Shrek: Into the castle.Fiona was surprised to find that Shrek knew the same tying rhyme as she did, and the two then gazed at each other.I do Darling I do Darling I doPuss: Wow.See youThen Fiona shook the feeling out of her.Fiona: OK. Good. It seems like you can handle yourself.Shrek: But, Fiona--Fiona: Now go get ready for the mission!Shrek: I will, but Fiona…Fiona: That’s an order!She headed off to get ready herself, and Shrek tried to speak out, but didn't know what to say, and looked down, for he had once again failed to get a kiss from her. So as all ogres began preparing all their weapons, Shrek just walked through the camp dejectedly.Brogan: All right, let's get those axes sharpened and weapons packed! Preparation is half the battle!Then, Puss began running after the dejected ogre, breathing heavily.Puss: Ogre! Un momento! Un momento! (pants) Ogre, ogre, un momento! Just give me a minute.Shrek: Look, Puss, I'm a little pressed for time.Puss: I am not believing what I have just witnessed. Back there, you and Fiona. There was a spark, a spark inside her heart I thought was long extinguished. It was as if, for one moment, Fiona had actually found her true love!Shrek: I AM her true love. I ended her curse.Hearing that surprised Puss.Puss: You know of her curse?Shrek: By day, one way, by night another.(Flashback)We see a flashback of Fiona, in her human form, in the tower, shedding some tears as the sun was going down. She then laid down, and in a flash, she magically transformed into her ogre form, as part of the spell, and she lay there sorrowfully.Shrek's Voice: This shall be the norm. Until you find true love's first kiss, and then take love's true form.(End of Flashback)Puss gasped, stunned at the words Shrek said.Puss: You even know the little rhyme! It is true! You are the one! You must prove it to her!Shrek: How?Puss: Convince her! Go to her when she is alone and tell her something that only her true love would know.Then Donkey just popped up out of nowhere.Donkey: Know about what?!The fat orange cat screeched from being startled, and hissed at the donkey.Donkey: Whoa! That's a whole lot of kitty! Shrek, can we keep him?At Rumpelstiltskin's castle, the gate opened with some of the witches coming out, holding lanterns, followed by the carriage pulled by Fifi. At this time, Fiona was leading the ogres, all clad in armor, through the forest to be ready for the ambush. Shrek was trying to make his way through the ogre army though.Shrek: Excuse me. Coming through! Pardon me, guys! Watch your back.Bringing up the rear, Puss, riding a small cart pulled by Donkey, spotted Cookie's chimichanga cart up ahead.Puss: Look, Donkey, the chimichanga cart! Quick! (bouncing on Donkey's back) Andale! After him, burro! Donkey, vmonos!Donkey: (annoyed) Man, you are a cat-astrophe!Puss: And you are ri-donkey-lous!Then both shortly paused before they bursted out laughing, not helping but finding both their puns funny. Then once the army came to the edge of the forest, Fiona signaled them to stop.Fiona: I'll scout ahead. Wait for my signal.She went up ahead, and the other ogres, except Shrek obviously, went to take positions to hide. Fiona saw a nearby hanging tree branch, grabbed it and swung over it, landing on a higher hill.Brogan: Secure your positions!The ogres then climbed up some trees, and others donned disguises of bushes and rocks, taking their hiding positions. Fiona then came to the top of a slope where the carriage should be arriving. Shrek then appeared right beside her.Shrek: It's quite a view from up here.Fiona: What are you doing?! Get back in position!Shrek: You need to know, once and for all, who I really am.Fiona: You are going to ruin everything!Shrek: Ruin everything? Actually, I'm gonna fix everything: the ogres, Rumpel, your curse.Her eyes widened in shock, before she pulled out her dagger and held it closely towards Shrek's chin.Fiona: How do you know about my curse?!Shrek: OK, OK, please, Fiona. Just hear me out. I can explain everything.Meanwhile, because of Shrek distracting her, neither of the two saw the carriage and witches, who were flying on their broomsticks, arriving this way. The ogres were still awaiting Fiona's signal.Brogan: Where's Fiona's signal?Gretched: What's she waiting for?Cookie: He's going to get away!Brogan: No, he's not.He then gave a signal to one of the ogres in one of the trees. That ogre nodded, pulling the rope, which two of the witches flew into, knocking them off their brooms. The ogre army then yelled as they charged at the carriage, taking down some more witches along the way, and then ripping the carriage apart, chunk by chunk. However, to their surprise and confusion, Rumpelstiltskin was not there. Then Fifi, who looked more wooden than real, let out a flute-like squeak rather than a honk, to the ogres' notice. Then they saw "Fifi" come apart, revealing to be the Pied Piper in a wooden Fifi disguise. He whipped out his flute halves, placing them together, and beginning to play it.Back with Shrek and Fiona, the latter threw the former down, threatening him with the dagger.Fiona: Listen, I don't know who you are or how you know about my curse, but if any of these ogres find out I'm...Shrek: A beautiful princess?Fiona: That is not who I am! Not anymore.Shrek: Look, I know you're upset.Fiona: You don't know anything about me.Shrek: I know everything about you. I know you sing so beautifully that birds explode.Fiona: Big deal.Shrek: I know that when you sign your name, you put a heart over the "I".Fiona: So what?Shrek: I know that when you see a shooting star, you cross your fingers on both hands, squinch up your nose and you make a wish.Hearing that, her expression of anger faded away as she let him go. He got up as he continued.Shrek: I know that you don't like the covers wrapped around your feet, and I know that you sleep by candlelight because every time you close your eyes...you're afraid you're gonna wake up back in that tower.Fiona was amazed that he actually knew her more than she thought, and he looked at her tenderly.Shrek: But, most importantly, Fiona...I know that the reason you turn human every day is because you've never been kissed....well...by me.The two then joined hands together, and suddenly, from the distance, flute music was heard, and suddenly, Fiona grabbed the yelping Shrek, dipping him like in a dance.Shrek: You move fast.Fiona: It's not me doing the moving.Then the two involuntarily got back up, holding their arms out. As the music picked up, the two held each others' hands and started dancing away from the hill.Fiona: Why is this happening?!Shrek: Love?Fiona: No, I'm being forced to dance!Shrek: By love!Fiona: No, I can't stop myself!Where the rest of the ogres were, they all began dancing unwillingly, as the Piper was playing a flute-beatbox version of "Shake Your Groove Thing" by Peaches & Herb. Brogan was panicking as he continued dancing under the flute's power.Brogan: Please! Make it stop! I can't control myself!Cookie, on the other hand, was getting jiggy with the dance spell.Cookie: Ooh yeah! Cookie's bringing the heat out of the kitchen!He put his hand to his side, making a sizzle sound. Shrek and Fiona danced near the ogre army, and ended up in the center of them, with Fiona spotting the Piper.Fiona: Oh, no! It's the Piper! I can't believe I let this happen, and it's all because of you!Shrek: If you'd just let me kiss you!Fiona: What? You're insane!Then Shrek involuntarily picked up Fiona in his arms and tossed her the air, with the ogres unwillingly tossing their shields up, giving some sort of atmosphere with Fiona in the air. Fiona then landed back down in Shrek's arms, as all the ogres continued dancing in a line and pointing their fingers like in a disco dance, under the Piper's musical spell. Puss and Donkey, still unaffected by the spell (because the setting was only to ogre), saw this and Puss was concerned while Donkey was bobbing along to the flute-beatboxing.Puss: We must do something before they fandango themselves into oblivion!Donkey: What can we do?Puss: First, you must stop dancing!Donkey: When somebody tooties that fluty, I got to shake my booty!Puss: Then it's up to me!He got out his claws and clawed Donkey's rear, making him scream and neigh like a horse, oddly enough for some reason, as he began racing down the hill and toward the line of dancing ogres. Donkey knocked Shrek and Fiona out of the line and onto the cart, racing away. Despite them being away from the Piper, the two ogres still pointed their fingers out like in a disco dance.Puss: Hurry! We must get them away from the music!Donkey: Puss and Donkey to the rescue! We saved the day!Of course, he spoke too soon, as he didn't look to see they were heading for a chasm, and he didn't stop at the edge in time, resulting in the four to be sent falling into the chasm, screaming, before splashing into the water below.A bit later, the four managed to reach dry land, recovering from the crash and splash. Shrek tried to fit one of the bracelets back on one his wrists, and it did because it didn't rust when hitting the water. Fiona just sighed in annoyance however. Puss tried to lick himself clean, but due to his ball-like girth, he could not reach his back half. He then turned to the drenched donkey, who was licking himself.Puss: Donkey, can I borrow your tongue?Donkey: (stops licking himself) Say what?! Nuh-uh! No. Hell...The orange fat cat started doing his 'big eyes' trick.Donkey: I don't care how big your eyes get, player, it's not going down.His eyes grew even bigger, until the groaning Donkey finally gave in.Donkey: (in defeat) All right!Donkey took a deep breath and stuck his tongue out, ready to lick the cat, though he was disgusted to do so.Shrek: Stop!He saw Fiona heading up the path to a bridge and holding the lantern, with Shrek following.Shrek: Where are you going?Fiona: To save my friends.Shrek: How? By getting yourself killed?Fiona: If that's what it takes.Shrek: Puss, say something.Fiona: (turns) Puss?Puss: (stammers) Let me explain.Fiona: That's how you knew so much about me.She continued to storm away and cross the bridge above.Shrek: (hops onto the bridge) Fiona, wait! Kiss me.Fiona: What?Shrek: It's the only way to save your friends.Fiona: (shoves him) Get out of my way.Shrek: You used to believe that a single kiss could solve everything!The female ogre then stopped in her tracks and turned, thinking that he would not be able to take a hint any other way. So he went up towards him, grabbed him and gave him a kiss, and the night background changed to a glowing background of yellow, and for a minute, it looked like everything would revert to normal, but alas, it did not. When the kiss ended and Shrek opened his eyes, everything about the alternate world was all as it was, including Fiona, frowning bitterly as she wiped her lip. Even Puss and Donkey were puzzled at how everything was the same.Shrek: I don't understand. This doesn't make any sense. True love's kiss was supposed to fix everything!Fiona: Yeah, you know, that's what they told me, too. True love didn't get me out of that tower. I did. I saved myself. Don't you get it? It's all just a big fairy tale.Shrek: Fiona, don't say that. It does exist!Fiona: How would you know? Did you grow up locked away in a dragon's keep? Did you live all alone in a miserable tower? Did you cry yourself to sleep every night, waiting for a true love that never came?!Shrek: But...but I'M your true love.Fiona: Then where were you when I needed you?She then picked up her lantern, leaving the three alone on the bridge, to rescue her friends herself. Shrek just stood there, completely heartbroken, knowing now that all his chances of ever getting a kiss from Fiona and saving his own life are gone.Donkey: Maybe you kissed her wrong?Shrek: (sadly) No. The kiss didn't work...because Fiona doesn't love me.Inside the castle, all the ogres were yelling as they were now in cages dangling from the ceiling.Brogan: Don't despair, fellow ogres! They can put us in cages, but they can't cage our honour!Down below, the Piper was flute-speaking frantically to Rumpelstiltskin, explaining the situation, and the villain was furious.Rumpelstiltskin: (furiously) SHREK AND FIONA ARE TOGETHER?!He frantically flute-spoke some more.Rumpelstiltskin: Yeah, I've heard enough of your (stomping his feet in rage) toot-a-lee-toots! YOU BLEW IT!He then turned to Wolf.Rumpelstiltskin: Wolfie! My speech wig. (to Baba) Baba!She squeaked, stammered and stood up straight.Rumpelstiltskin: Ready my makeup. (to the Piper) And Piper, pull my socks up.He set the setting to socks and played his flute so Rumpelstiltskin's socks could be slithered up his legs tight like magic.Rumpelstiltskin: Wee tight.Then, somewhere in a market place, the Magic Mirror's face appeared in a mirror hanging in a shop (along with other mirrors pretty much anywhere in the kingdom).Magic Mirror: Attention, citizens.Some citizens, including the Muffin Man and one of the dwarves, who was digging in a trash barrell for scraps, turned their attention to the mirror in the shop.Magic Mirror: Please stay tuned for a message from our tyrannical dictator!The mirror's face disappeared and then there stood Rumpelstiltskin, in another powdered wig, in front of a beachside sunset background.Rumpelstiltskin: (speaking gentle-like) Hello, people. (doing a curtsey) It is I, Rumpelstiltskin...shepherd of your dreams.We then see him in a fake fern field, helping a little bird (which was also fake, obviously) fly away. When watching this, one citizen coughed. Next, Rumpelstiltskin slid backwards down a rainbow while on his back.Rumpelstiltskin: Recently, a certain somebody has jeopardized our joyous lives.The scenery changed to a fiery background.Rumpelstiltskin: (angrily) And that somebody is the rat-munching ogre called Shrek!On mentioning the name, a picture of Shrek with Donkey appeared right next to him. Then, the scene changed to a scenery of angels behind him.Rumpelstiltskin: (calmly again) That is why I come to you, dear citizens. For whomever brings me this ogre, shall receive the deal of a lifetime.He waved his hands, and a contract labeled "Deal of a Lifetime" appeared in front of him. Then, as "Orinoco Flow" by Enya played in the background, Rumpelstiltskin appeared on top of a mountain.Rumpelstiltskin: Just think of it! Total and complete happiness.Since this message appeared on all magic mirrors, it even appeared on a mirror that the three pigs, with the potty box, broom, and soap tub, were nearby, happened to see this as well. Even the Wolf, pushing the wig cart, saw this. The four were more than interested in getting the deal and not having to put up with Rumpelstiltskin anymore.Heimlich: Ja!We now see the dictator's head spinning with gold coins raining in the background.Rumpelstiltskin: Dazzling, radiant fulfilment! All your greatest wishes.Gingy and his animal crackers saw this on the mirror, and the gingerbread man was interested as well.Gingy: (breaks his candy cane in half) Yeah!The deal maker appeared, sitting on a goose's back, next to a beachside.Rumpelstiltskin: Your wildest dreams.Next, he was in front of a painting of his castle with fireworks shooting.Rumpelstiltskin: Anything you could ever want! No strings attached!Pinocchio, who was tangled upside-down in ropes and sleeping, heard this commercial and was interested as well.Pinocchio: Ooooh.Then, the dictator appeared next to a big hourglass.Rumpelstiltskin: But hurry, this is a limited time offer.The final scenery we see is Rumpelstiltskin's angry face in front of a painting of a burning city.Rumpelstiltskin: So light your torches, sharpen your pitchforks and get your mob on!The message got through to all citizens of Far Far Away as they all got their pitchforks and torches and began storming through the kingdom to hunt down Shrek, capture him and get their reward.Mob: Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!Mob Member: Go back where you came from!The mob passed a brick wall. If they had stayed a little longer, they would have seen Shrek, Donkey, and Puss come out of hiding.Puss: It seems that we are safe.Donkey: Yeah, it looks a lot less pitchforky and torchy out there. Let's go.Shrek: What's the point? The kiss didn't work. It's over.Donkey: Look, Shrek, I know things might seem a little bleak right now, but things always work themselves out in the end, you'll see.The ogre slapped his forehead.Donkey: I bet by this time tomorrow...He couldn't hold it in any longer, so he finally started to shout.Shrek: Don't you understand? There is no tomorrow. There's no day after that, and there's no day after THAT day after that! My life was perfect and I'm never going to get it back!Donkey: If your life was so perfect, why'd you sign it away to Rumpelstiltskin?Shrek: Because I didn't know what I had until it was gone! All right?He sighed sadly.Shrek: I didn't know what I had.He looked like he was about to cry, but then he felt something and heard tiny shouting. He looked down and saw Gingy hitting and attacking his feet with his lollipop.Gingy: Ha! Chah! Surrender now! I'm taking you in!Of course, Shrek was not affected by this at all. He just stood there with a dry look as Gingy kept attacking and shouting.Gingy: Don't try to fight it, ogre! The reward is mine!Shrek: Gingy?He picked the gingerbread man up.Gingy: You unhand me, green devil!Shrek: What are you doing?Gingy: Collecting my bounty!Puss: Bounty?Donkey: What are you talking about, cracker?Gingy: Rumpelstiltskin promised the deal of a lifetime for whoever could bring you in.Shrek: Deal of a lifetime?Gingy: (down) Where all your wishes come true.The ogre pondered this for a bit.Shrek: Wait a minute. (grins) I can still fix this.Donkey: Now, how you gonna do that?He then set Gingy down.Shrek: You know what? I'm gonna give Rumpelstiltskin exactly what he wants. (turns to Gingy) OK, Gingy, tell me about this...But to his surprise, there were only crumbs and a gumdrop button on the ground. He looked and saw Puss eating something, and it was apparently Gingy. The cat noticed the ogre looking at him, and gave a sheepish look.Puss: Were you going to eat that?Inside the castle, the citizens came with prisoners of theirs, and none of them were Shrek, as the dictator pointed out while pacing and inspecting each one. One citizen even brought in a bag of flour with a scary green face painted on it.Rumpelstiltskin: Not Shrek! That is not Shrek! Also not Shrek!He then saw Butter Pants and his father with a big green creature they captured.Rumpelstiltskin: That's not even an ogre, it is a troll! Nice try. (sees next one) And that...What he saw was Wolf wearing a Shrek head over his own, claiming to be captured by the pigs.Wolf: (dryly) Roar.Rumpelstiltskin: ...is just sad.He then spotted Pinocchio with his father, dressed in Shrek's clothes and fake ogre ears, with his face painted green and hands tied by a rope that the puppet was holding.Rumpelstiltskin: And what is that supposed to be?Gepetto: I'm just a frightened old man.Pinocchio: Don't listen to him! These ogres are crafty!Rumpelstiltskin: That is your father painted green.Pinocchio: No, it's Shrek! Honest!Then his nose grew and hit Rumpelstiltskin in the face, making the deal maker shout in pain as he swatted it out of his face.Rumpelstiltskin: (to a witch) Take them away!The frustrated villain then went to his table.Rumpelstiltskin: Can no one bring me Shrek?! Where is he? How hard can it be?!He angrily pounded on his table like a two-year-old.Rumpelstiltskin: I WANT HIM! I WANT HIM! I WANT HIM!Then the door of the throne room slammed open, and the ogre he wants is there.Shrek: Stiltskin!Rumpelstiltskin jumped up and looked back, seeing Shrek wander through the aisles.Shrek: I hear you're looking for me.Rumpelstiltskin: All right! Finally! (calls out and looks around) Who turned him in? Who gets the deal of a lifetime?Shrek: I do.He took the 'deal of a lifetime' contract out of Rumpelstiltskin's hand.Rumpelstiltskin: What? But--Shrek: If I'm turning myself in, I get the deal of a lifetime.He plucked a feather from Fifi and dipped in the magic ink jar.Shrek: That means you have to give me anything I want.The scared villain leaped onto the table, stopping him signing it.Rumpelstiltskin: No, no, no! Only true love's kiss can break your contract! So if you thought you were just gonna (mimicks walking) doot-doot-doot in here and get your life back--Shrek: I'm not here to get my life back.Rumpelstiltskin: (with a glare) Then what DO you want?Outside the castle, Donkey and Puss awaited before all ogres of the resistance magically appeared, one by one, an dropped from the sky. Donkey saw Gretched falling towards where Puss was, so he used his teeth to pull the cat out of the way.Puss: The ogres. They are all free.Of course, Donkey noticed that not ALL of them were free.Donkey: But where is Shrek?They all went up to the gates, knowing Shrek was still inside.Puss: This is not good.Back in the throne room, the villagers have left, and Rumpelstiltskin was leading Shrek, who had his hands shackled, to a dungeon room, with four witches encircling the prisoner and pointing their brooms at him.Rumpelstiltskin: I don't know. Not much of a storybook ending. (mockingly) The noble Shrek turns himself in to save a bunch of filthy ogres.Shrek: All that matters is that they're free, and Fiona is safe.Rumpelstiltskin: Awww, I bet Fiona would be really touched to hear that, but, hey, I guess you can tell her yourself.He and the cackling witches turned to reveal Fiona, shackled as well, struggling to get out.Shrek: Fiona!Both ogres rushed to each other, but the weight of the shackles and chains held them back. They tried breaking free from them to no avail, and Rumpelstiltskin only cackled maniacally as he watched the two ogres struggle to reach each other in failed attempts to his pure wicked amusement.Shrek: Stiltskin, we had a deal! You agreed to free all ogres!Rumpelstiltskin: (uncaring tone) Oh, yeah. (slyly) But Fiona isn't all ogre, is she?He gave a smug, evil smirk. Shrek's face faltered as he looked over at Fiona worryingly.Rumpelstiltskin: By day, one way, by night, another. Blardy, blardy, blar. Ha ha!He skipped merrily out of the room in triumph.Rumpelstiltskin: (triumphantly) Nobody's smart but me!He and the laughing witches left the room, closing the doors and leaving the two prisoners alone. Shrek gave a solemn sad look.Fiona: That was a really brave thing you did, Shrek. Thank you.Shrek: No, you were right. I wasn't there for you. And not just at the Dragon's Keep, but...every day since.Fiona: Well...(gives a small sad smile) you're here now.Outside, Donkey was determined to get inside, but Gretched held him back by the tail.Donkey: Let go of me! I have got to save Shrek!Gretched: Don't be a fool, mule!Brogan: She's right. Rumpel's palace is locked up tighter than Old Mother Hubbard's Cupboard.Cookie: And that cupboard wasn't guarded by a whole bunch of mean, ugly, nasty witches.Of course, two witches guarding the palace from above, heard them.Palace Witch #1: Hey! We can hear you!Brogan: Sorry!Then the ogres, Donkey and Puss huddled.Puss: We must get into the palace.Donkey: Man, Shrek and me just busted out of that place!Brogan: But how?Donkey then saw a shield, and it gave him an idea.Donkey: The same way we're gonna bust in.The group huddled in closer together, with the two palace guard witches curious, wondering what they're talking about. A while later, Rumpelstiltskin, with his speech wig back on for some reason (though it looked untidy), walked back in the throne room, as a witch was hoisting up what appeared to be a new big decorative ball like the one from earlier.Rumpelstiltskin: Yay! My new pretty ball!He noticed that something about this ball was different than the previous one.Rumpelstiltskin: Didn't it look bigger in the catalogue? I guess it'll have to do.Once the witches got it up, some other witches poured magic glowing dust in their cauldrons, causing bright, glowing, blue and pink lights to appear. They pointed their cauldrons like spotlights at the big ball, which began reflecting the bright colorful lights off like a disco ball.Rumpelstiltskin: Witches, finally, the moment we've all been waiting for. The main event of the evening!The floors under him began shifting, revealing something. It was Shrek and Fiona still bound in shackles and chained to the walls, with a spotlight shining down on them.Rumpelstiltskin: I present Shrek and Fiona!The prisoners looked up, both glaring at Rumpelstiltskin and the horde of witches up above peering down at them, and the witches all booed and jeered the ogres.Rumpelstiltskin: And now, to put the past behind us once and for all, I give ya a princess's worst nightmare! Fiona's old flame, the keeper of the keep...As he continued speaking, Shrek and Fiona saw a gate in the dungeon opening up and a familiar red dragon stormed in.Rumpelstiltskin: Dragon!She let out a huge roar and then started breathing fire. She stomped about, getting ready to finish her prisoners as Rumpelstiltskin laughed heartlessly, enjoying the ogres' soon-to-be demise. Then suddenly he and the witches heard a familiar voice singing from out of nowhere.Donkey's Voice: (singing) Winter, spring, summer, or fallThey all gasped, looking up at the big ball, seeing Donkey at the top of it, singing.Donkey: (singing) All you got to do is call And I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeahDragon, who was nearing Shrek, turned her attention up to the ball.Shrek: Donkey?Donkey: And Puss!On cue, though very slowly, Puss slid down the rope holding the ball, and this time, he was wearing his hat, cape and boots.Puss: In Boots!He tap danced a bit on top of the ball, and then from inside it, a humming noise was heard, to the witches' and Rumpelstiltskin's concern.Rumpelstiltskin: What?They all looked around to see where the noise was coming from, and the new ball suddenly broke open like a pinata and all the resistance ogres began flying out of it, yelling. The whole thing turned out to be a Trojan horse reenactment with the ogres using their shields to make it convincing. All the witches screamed as the ogres chased after them with their clubs and weapons, ready to clobber them. Brogan leaped out towards where Rumpelstiltskin was, making the dictator scream as he ran for it. Brogan rose his club, ready to strike the villain, but one of the witches flew by on her broomstick, scooping up her master and taking him to the higher balcony, dropping him there. Rumpelstiltskin jumped onto the railing and looked down at the chaos in horror. Puss and Donkey meanwhile saw Dragon returning her attention to the ogres, snarling like mad and ready to attack again, but Puss then cut the rope of the platform he and Donkey were on, sending them falling and screaming, but they landed on Dragon's head, knocking her down for the count. Rumpelstiltskin, still watching, grumbled and growled.Rumpelstiltskin: Get them! Get them, witches!So the witches on the balcony got out their pumpkin bombs and chucked them down to where all the resistance ogres were. They luckily saw the pumpkins about to be thrown.Ogre: Incoming!They all took their shields and blocked themselves with them, with the exploding pumpkins bouncing off and not blowing up one single ogre. The woozy Donkey got up on his legs.Shrek: Donkey, woo her!Donkey: Woo who?Shrek: Your wife!Speaking of whom, Dragon growled as she stomped behind the fear-stricken Donkey. He timidly turned, screaming a bit. Then suddenly the lights changed to blue as Donkey's fearful expression changed to a smooth charmer expression, with the donkey trying his best to woo the reptile, who's look of anger began to fade, as if the charm was working. Donkey then gave a grin, and Dragon batted her eyelashes lovingly. At this time, a certain Lionel Richie song played.Hello Is it me you're looking for I can see it in your eyesThe two were about to kiss until Dragon's mouth opened wide around Donkey.Donkey: Uh oh.Then in one chomp, Donkey ended up in her mouth. Puss then leaped onto the dragon's spine, grabbed his sword and jabbed it right into the back, making the dragon roar and spit out Donkey, who was sent flying in the air.Donkey: Wahoo!He hitched a ride onto a passing witch's broomstick.Donkey: (calls out to Dragon) I'll call you! (to the witch) We're in love!Witch: Good for you.Back below, the dragon spotted the fat cat and just as she tried to eat him, he leaped out of the way, shouting in excitement. He rode her tail, which she swished around like mad, hitting a wall where Shrek was, and the ogre ducked in time. Then Dragon flicked the screeching fat cat off her tail, and Fiona caught him in her arms. Fiona gasped, knowing Dragon was coming for them, so she turned away, getting ready for the blow and Dragon exhaled the biggest breath of flame from her mouth. After she breathed it, she then saw that Fiona and Puss were no longer there, then she spotted the ogre being lifted up by the chains, thanks to Shrek pulling on the chains with his wrists, and Puss was holding onto Fiona's back.Shrek: Fiona, hold on! (to Dragon) Hey, you!He then got Dragon chasing after him as he continued pulling on the chains.Shrek: Whoa!Then Shrek and Fiona ended up swinging around on both chains all around the room, and each time they got near Dragon's mouth, she tried to eat them, only to miss. Then both ogres each reached a dangling cage. Shrek reached out his hand, and Fiona swung a bit, taking his hand. Back above, witches kept launching skull chains at the ogres, pulling them up, though no matter how many skull chains ensnared Brogan, he did his best to resist. He even grabbed some of the chains and tossed some of the witches who had them down. Then, on the balcony, the short villain saw chimichangas being fired at some of the witches near him.Rumpelstiltskin: Chimichangas?!Down below, Cookie was launching the aforementioned sticky foods from his cart/catapult.Cookie: Get 'em while they're hot!He even launched one at the witch that Donkey was riding with. When the witch was knocked down by the snack, Donkey was impressed. Below in the dungeon, Shrek and Fiona made it the top of the middle dangling cage. They looked down, waiting for Dragon to leap out at them, and when she did, that was their chance.Fiona: Jump!They both leaped onto the separate cages, while Dragon got her snout stuck in the middle cage. They looked at each other while holding their chains.Shrek: Now!They both leaped off the cages, and started swinging around Dragon like acrobats.Fiona: Woo-hoo!As Dragon kept struggling to get the cage off her muzzle, the two ogres began wrapping the chains around the reptile, starting with her tail.Shrek: The dragon goes under the bridge!Fiona: Through the loop!Shrek: And finally...They then both reached the center of the dragon's back, finishing trussing her in chains.Both: Into the castle!They both tugged on the chains, and Dragon, bound in them, was sent tumbling down. Then Shrek and Fiona looked at the battle still going on above. The witches were screaming as the ogres were getting the better of them.Palace Witch: Run!Some witches ran and flew off on their brooms, screaming. On the balcony, Rumpelstiltskin saw that ogres were closing in on both sides where he was, giving him nowhere to run. He then made for the balcony's railing as the ogres had him cornered. He turned back towards them.Rumpelstiltskin: Foo!With that, he leaped off backwards, to the ogres' shock. Then they were surprised further to see the short foe riding on Fifi, who was flying upwards so they could make their escape.Rumpelstiltskin: So long!He laughed tauntingly as Fifi headed for the skylight, as dawn was approaching, but then a skull chain had snagged Fifi's leg, and Shrek was the one who was holding the chain.Shrek: Ha ha ha!Fiona and Shrek grabbed hold of each other.Rumpelstiltskin: Come on, Fifi, go! Go!Fifi tried to keep flying, pulling Shrek and Fiona out of the dungeon.Rumpelstiltskin: Witches, close up the floor!The floor began closing up, but Shrek and Fiona were pulled out just in time. Fifi tried to keep flying even though it was harder with the chain around her leg.Rumpelstiltskin: (fussing) Come on, Fifi, go! Flappity flap! Come on, go! Fly away! Up, up! Go!The smirking Shrek pulled the chain, causing Rumpelstiltskin to loose his grip on his goose, as he was sent falling and screaming.Rumpelstiltskin: Fifi, no!His fall was stopped when a glaring Fiona caught him, making him give a scared sound. Fiona then held up the short man like a trophy.Fiona: Victory is ours!All the ogres shouted and cheered in triumph, while raising their weapons. Donkey then started tapping his hooves with Puss doing a little victory tap dance, until at the end when the top of his boots began to split, to the fat cat's embarassment. Cookie then carried off the worried and defeated villain in his arm, as he and Brogan gave smirks towards him.Brogan: Looks like we're having curly-toed weirdo for breakfast.When all was settled, Fiona and Shrek looked to each other.Fiona: Hey, we make a pretty good team.Shrek: You have no idea.The two then looked at each other, staying silent for a moment, but then Shrek noticed something serious. His hand was started to give a bright yellow glow, making him gasp. He saw that morning was starting to happen, so that meant he was beginning to fade away. His legs also started glowing as he fell down.Fiona: Shrek?She held him up. They saw the magic hourglass of Shrek's life was almost out of sand, to Rumpelstiltskin's delight.Rumpelstiltskin: His day is up. His day is...!But Cookie squeezed him, making the villain gag.Fiona: Shrek?Shrek: It's all right.The ogres, Donkey and Puss watched on sadly.Fiona: There has to be something I can do.Shrek: You've already done everything for me, Fiona. You gave me a home and a family.Fiona: You have kids?Shrek: We have kids. Fergus, Farkle and a little girl named...Both: Felicia.Fiona: I always wanted to have a daughter named Felicia.Shrek: And someday...The fading ogre then dug in his pocket and pulled out the squeaky toy belonging to their daughter.Shrek: ...you will.He handed it to her, and she looked at it sadly, before looking back towards him.Shrek: You know what the best part of today was? I got the chance to fall in love with you all over again.Tears began to form from Fiona's eyes as she leaned her head towards Shrek's face. The hour glass emptied and the light began to glow brightly all around Shrek's body as Fiona kissed him deeply, and then Shrek began to fade away into nothing but sparkles of golden dust that also began to fade away as Fiona held him. It seemed Shrek was no more. Then the sun rising behind Fiona began to shine brightly, illuminating the whole room as she sat there on her knees with tears running down her face, which was still green, to Puss's notice.Puss: Fiona, the sunrise! You're still...an ogre!Fiona: True love's form.Rumpelstiltskin: Impossible!Fiona: The kiss worked.Suddenly the wind began blasting and brushing by everyone, also knocking Puss's hat off his head. Everyone looked up and saw the magic golden light that brought Shrek here begin to eat away at Rumpelstiltskin's castle like mad. All bricks, shingles and other material of the castle were sucked away in a magical tornado.Rumpelstiltskin: What?!Then, one by one, each witch and ogre began to puff away into puffs of yellow smoke. Cookie and Brogan quickly vanished, dropping Rumpelstiltskin, and he then saw Fifi vanish in a puff of smoke as well.Rumpelstiltskin: Fifi!Then Donkey and Puss were the next to vanish.Fiona: Puss!Then Fiona vanished next. The horrified Rumpelstiltskin, the only one remaining, twisted in circles in place while shouting in alarm as his whole world around him was tearing away and disappearing.Rumpelstiltskin: No, no, no! No, not yet! I'm not ready! No, wait!Then the floor under him, the only thing remaining, crackled away and he began falling down into an abyss of pure golden light while screaming out loud in horror, before everything went black for him.The world changed back to a different world where Shrek was giving his big, loud ogre roar from before.Shrek: RRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!!Once he was done, he panted and saw where he was. He was back in his own original world and at his kids' birthday party, as if he never left it. It was as if the magic of true love's kiss reversed everything to the event where he roared. He saw that everyone else in the Candy Apple was left stunned and silent for a bit until they all cheered.Butterpants: (chuckles as he hugs his dad) I love you, daddy.As everyone began chanting Shrek's name, the ogre began to smile, happy to have his life back, and everyone he knew back to normal.Everyone: Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!Gingy saw one of the Three Blind Mice facing the other way so he turned the mouse around correctly.Wolf then slapped a party hat onto Shrek's head.Puss: Everybody, I have found...He lifted his cape to reveal another cake decorated like the last one.Puss: (finishes) another cake!Fiona: Shrek? Are you OK?He turned to see Fiona, the way she was before signing his life away. He removed the party hat and went up to hug his wife.Shrek: Fiona. I've never been better.Fiona smiled warmly, and the parents then heard their kids playfully roaring.Fergus: Roar!All triplets began roaring and giggling. Shrek was even happy to see his kids existing as he went to them.Shrek: (rubs Farkle's head) Happy Birthday, Farkle. Fergus, my little man! And Felicia, sweetheart.His baby daughter looked at him with big, happy, blue eyes. He then reached his pocket and handed her the squeaky ogre plush toy he magically came back into this world with.Shrek: I believe this is yours.She hugged the toy tightly.Felicia: Thank you, Daddy.Shrek: (picking up his kids and holding them) Awww.Donkey: Hey, Uncle Shrek! How about giving my babies an encore!Puss: Please, senior, let us have it!The others insisted eagerly. However, instead of a roar, Shrek held his nose and blew a toot threw his ears. Then, all three of his babies held their noses and blew smaller toots through their ears. As their friends applauded and Puss waved a little yellow flag, Fiona was astounded.Fiona: (holds Fergus) I didn't know we could do that.Donkey: That's my best friend!Shrek then looked towards Fiona.Shrek: You know, I always thought that I rescued you from the Dragon's Keep.Fiona: You did.Shrek: No. It was you that rescued me.The two smiled warmly before kissing with their babies hugging them, while everyone cheered. Then, the scene changed to a picture of the still scene in the final page of a book Shrek had out."The End"We see Shrek's hand closing the book to his own story, before placing the book up on a shelf, but the story is not quite over just yet. Shrek then went outside of his house in the swamp as another party was going on, with a new cover of the song from his first film's ending playing. Also, the ogres from the resistance came as guests. Shrek held out a tray of mugs with swamp drinks for them and each took a glass, before two ogres took Shrek and tossed him up in the air.I thought love was only true in fairy talesShrek laid on his back in the air happily."Mike Myers"Fiona then caught him in her arms before the two smooched and chuckled.Meant for someone else but not for meDonkey then slid down Dragon's spine before she used her tail to flick him into her mouth. She closed it before opening it back up with Donkey's fur all fuzzy as it was in the alternate dimension, but he shook it off."Eddie Murphy"Love was out to get me Do-do-do-do-do That's the way it seems Do-do-do-do-doThe other ogres tossed a big ball made of their shields in the air, and the Wolf and pigs used the reflection of light off the Magic Mirror to shine on the ball, and Fiona was on top of the outhouse, spinning the ball with her finger like a basketball and also like a disco ball.Disappointment haunted all my dreams"Cameron Diaz"Then I saw her face Now I'm a believerPuss then flipped in the air and slid across a deck, sliding his sword across it, causing sparks to appear and lighting the villagers' sparklers, making them laugh and cheer. Puss then stopped near a shield Cookie held and saw that it made Puss look bloated (like it did in the alternate dimension), making Puss concerned."Antonio Banderas"And not a traceQueen Lillian then danced with one of the resistance ogres, passing a memorial with a portrait of King Harold and all the frogs who attended his funeral, each with a drink in their flipper and bobbing along to the song.Of doubt in my mind"Julie Andrews"The portrait of Harold's face was moving by itself, because most likely his ghost was taking its form, and gave a short smile."John Cleese"I'm in loveEven Fifi was there, seeing a small bluebird, snapping at it, trying to eat it, but the bluebird landed on Shrek's finger, and Fiona sang a high note, making not only the bluebird puff up, but Fifi puff up as well.I'm a believer, I couldn't leave her if I triedThen Rumpelstiltskin, in a round cage, turned away from this, as there was an explosion of white feathers. When he looked, he saw that both birds have exploded, and all that was left of Fifi was her webbed feet. Everyone was stunned at first before they burst out laughing, while the horrified Rumpelstiltskin couldn't help but grieve for the loss of his pet, but before he could, he began to dance unwillingly, due to the Pied Piper using his flute power on the captured villain while outside the cage."Walt Dohrn"Then I saw her face Now I'm a believerEveryone then cheered for the small concert being given to them by Brogan, Cookie and Gretched. Brogan and Gretched were on guitars, while Cookie was on the drums. Then the three held their noses and blew through their ears."Jon Hamm""Jane Lynch""Craig Robinson"And not a trace Of doubt in my mindSome of the witches, who were also there and not on Rumpelstiltskin's side in this world, began taking off on their broomsticks for a joyride, cheering and whooping. However, the fifth witch couldn't take off because her broom turned out to be Pinocchio's nose grown long. She looked at the puppet behind her and shook her head. The other four witches flew through the sky, and created a rainbow pattern with magic dust."Lake Bell" "Kathy Griffin" "Mary Kay Place" "Kristen Schaal"Now I saw her face And I'm a believerThree of the Dronkeys flew up, each one carrying one of Shrek's kids in the air, going for a joyride themselves. Even Butter Pants was riding a Dronkey himself.Not a traceAt a stump, Gingy was riding an animal cracker horse, with the other animal crackers gathered around him.Gingy: Yee-haw!Of doubt in my mindThe Three Pigs appeared, not helping but find the animal crackers tasty.Dieter: Yummy!The pigs chowed down on all the animal crackers, leaving nothing but Gingy and his horse. Shrek and Fiona danced with each other before falling backwards in the mud.I'm a believer, I'm a believerNow the ogre couple, and pretty much everyone else, except Rumpelstiltskin, the Dronkeys and Dragon, were all making mud angels in the mud, laughing and enjoying themselves, as the Dronkeys flew up in the air.I'm a believer, I'm a believer, I'm a believer, I'm a believer!Categories:Incomplete transcriptsArticle stubsShrek MoviesMoviesDreamWorks Animation TranscriptsPG-rated TranscriptsAnimated filmsParamount Pictures2010Transcripts in need of cleanupCommunity content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.Recent Wiki ActivityEpisode 3240Seansmusic02 • 25 minutes agoEpisode 3526Seansmusic02 • 26 minutes agoJumpstart Adventures 3rd Grade: Mystery MountainBaronCavitus95 • 42 minutes agoPlay it Again, D.W.BaronCavitus95 • 47 minutes agoHelp us grow Transcripts Wiki!GET STARTED

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Once upon a time a long time ago, a king and a queen had a beautiful daughter named Fiona.The pages flipped to one page of older Fiona's human form during the day, and her ogre form during the night.Man's Voice: But she was possessed by a terrible curse. By day, a lovely princess; by night, a hideous ogre.The pages then turned to the pages with a knight kneeling, holding a bouquet of flowers and Fiona waiting in the tower guarded by a certain dragon's tail.Man's Voice: Only true love's kiss would lift her curse. So Fiona waited in a tower, guarded by a dragon, until the day when her true love would arrive.The next pages showed Harold and Lillian in a carriage, racing away from their safe kingdom and into the dark, foreboding forest.Man's Voice: But as the days turned into years, the King and Queen were forced to resort to more desperate measures.(Flashback)Years ago, before Harold and Lillian had reunited with their daughter, the horses pulling the carriage that carried the king and queen raced through the forest like mad.Inside the carriage, the king and queen held each others' hands in worry. The carriage then arrived towards an even more eerie part of the forest. It was Crone's Nest Carriage Park, a medieval trailer park. The signs underneath the main said "No Vacancy" and "Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here". Two witches guarding recognized the royal carriage and opened the gates, allowing the carriage inside. The carriage slowed down and was pulled more cautiously, and as that happened, the king and queen looked at all the witches inhabiting the area near their broken down carriages.One witch sneered, while stroking a black cat she held, and many other black cats, that she hoarded, all snarled. King Harold yelped a bit. Then he and Lillian saw another witch dumping out trash from the window of her carriage, while one witch standing by, smirking, as she made a kissy noise to the king.King Harold: Ew!Then he and Lillian saw a family of hillbilly-type witches, playing mandolins, spitting tobacco, holding a bottle of moonshine and giving dirty, foul looks at the visitors, while a bare-butted baby witch was crawling on the ground. The royal couple were deeply unsettled as Lillian locked the carriage door.Driver: (pulls reigns) Whoa, there!The horses stopped at a huge egg-like carriage with an "R" on top.King Harold: I don’t know about this, Lillian. Fairy Godmother said only true love’s kiss could break Fiona’s curse.Queen Lillian: I don’t trust that woman, Harold. This may be our last hope. Besides, he does come highly recommended by King Midas.King Harold: But to put our daughter’s life in the hands of this…person? He’s devious. He’s deceitful. He’s...he’s…A bit later, the king and queen were inside the carriage as the owner spun around in his chair, revealing himself. He was Rumpelstiltskin.Rumpelstiltskin: Rumpelstiltskin, at your service!Lightning flashed at the mention of his name. His pet goose, Fifi, honked a bit. The little man kissed the uneasy Lillian's hand in respect.Rumpelstiltskin: Mrs. Highness.She chuckled nervously a bit, pulling her hand away.Queen Lillian: How do you do?Fifi then hissed at Harold, startling him.Rumpelstiltskin: Down, Fifi. Get down!The goose did as her master said and went off to the side. Then the deal maker rolled out a contract he had for the royal couple to sign.Rumpelstiltskin: As you can see, everything’s in order.King Harold: So you’ll put an end to our daughter’s curse?Rumpelstiltskin: And, in return, you sign the kingdom of Far Far Away (gives a menacing look) over to me.Lightning flashed again, and King Harold gasped at what the short man said. Lightning flashed even when it showed Fifi. The royal couple turned as Harold spoke quietly to his wife, while Rumpelstiltskin just listened in, giving a fiendish smirk.King Harold: Lillian, this is madness!Queen Lillian: What choice do we have? Fiona has been locked away in that tower far too long.Rumpelstiltskin: It’s not like she’s getting any younger.King Harold: But to sign over our entire kingdom?Rumpelstiltskin: (pulls contract away) Well, if your kingdom’s worth more to you than your daughter…The king angrily stopped the paper.King Harold: Nothing is worth more to us than our daughter.Rumpelstiltskin: I thought not.So Rumpelstiltskin slammed the windows shut and got out a drawer of jars of magic ink, slammed one jar down and clapped his hands.Rumpelstiltskin: Jump, Fifi, jump!The goose jumped in his arms and he yanked a feather out of her behind, making the king cringe in disgust. He then dipped the feather's end into the magic ink, with a small magic cloud appearing as Harold took the feather from him.Rumpelstiltskin: Just sign it and all your problems will disappear.Lightning flashed for dramatic effect once more, as he slid the contract towards them. Harold was about to sign it, while Rumpelstiltskin eagerly and anxiously waited. The king hesitated a bit as he looked at his wife, who nodded seriously. So Harold proceeded to sign it, but before he could, the carriage's door was burst open and the royal messenger was there, out of breath.Messenger: Your Highness! The Princess! She’s been saved!Harold and Lillian gasped happily, while Rumpelstiltskin was shocked.Rumpelstiltskin: Huh?!The king turned, giving a smirk as he ripped the contract up, to the deal maker's dismay.Rumpelstiltskin: (lip trembling) Who saved her?(End of Flashback)In the present, the book was finsihed being read by the certain foiled deal maker, who was the one narrating. The next pages showed Shrek roaring, scaring away villagers, and then the helmeted Shrek carrying Fiona over his back while he and Donkey ran away from Dragon and the fire she breathed. Donkey's tail was even on fire.Rumpelstiltskin: No one would have guessed that an ogre named Shrek, whose roar was feared throughout the land, would save the beautiful Princess Fiona.He angrily turned the page, showing a picture of Shrek and Fiona (as an ogre) kissing and a separate picture of their babies.Rumpelstiltskin: (irate) True love’s kiss led to marriage and ogre babies!He ripped off the page of the babies, showing the page of good guys and villains (who were reformed thanks to Artie) holding hands together.Rumpelstiltskin: The kingdom of Far Far Away was finally at peace. (sarcastically) Goody for them!He ripped off that page as well, leaving the page with the ogre family in front of the swamp.Rumpelstiltskin: (furiously) AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY--He ripped off that page, leaving the page of Shrek with Donkey and Puss bumping fists.Rumpelstiltskin: EVER--He ripped off that page, getting to the final one with Shrek and Fiona riding a unicorn, while Pinocchio waved a wand, Donkey ran with his kids, the Three Little Pigs, the Three Blind Mice, Puss and Gingy riding down rainbows, and the ogre babies riding a cloud.Rumpelstiltskin: AFTER!!!He ripped out that as well, and fumed while clenching the page in fist. He was shown to be reading the book in a library. Then, Pinocchio, wearing an apron, appeared and saw what he was doing.Pinocchio: Sir? You’re gonna have to pay for that.He quickly realized he ripped a book that didn't belong to him, as he turned to the wooden puppet.Rumpelstiltskin: (stutters) M-m-maybe we could make a deal for it, little boy?Pinocchio: Oh, I’m not a real boy.Rumpelstiltskin: (smirks) Do you want to be?The next thing you know, Rumpelstiltskin was booted out of the library by Pinocchio, screaming as he face-planted into the dirty sidewalk.Pinocchio: Nobody needs your deals anymore, Grumpel Stinkypants!He shut the door as the coughing former deal maker looked at the final page of the book and picked it up, looking at it with anger.Rumpelstiltskin: (darkly) I wish that ogre was never born!In the certain swamp home of our ogre hero, another day was beginning as we see the same "Beware of Ogres" sign, now with the pictures of the ogre baby triplets added, and a swing set and small slide were added in the yard. Inside the home, Shrek and Fiona were asleep in their bed until awakened by a squeaking noise. They looked and saw their babies at the foot of the bed, with Felicia squeaking a squeaky toy.Felicia: Wake up, Daddy, wake up!  Fiona: Good morning.Shrek: Good morning to you too.The ogres kissed.After getting up and dressed, Shrek was in his arm-chair with his kids, each drinking swamp juice from their own sippy cup, and each gave a small belch.Fiona: (passes by) Better out than in.Shrek: (chuckles) That’s MY line.A bit later, Shrek brought Fergus over to the changing table.Shrek: Did my little Fergus make a…(jumps back) WHOA! (waves hand in front of face) Big, grownup ogre stink!Some time after changing Fergus, Shrek went outside with the full rotten diaper, heading to the diaper pale.Shrek: Oh, that’s diabolical!He dumped it in, and then he took a newspaper, heading to the outhouse. At this time, a bus-sized chariot known as the "Star Tours Chariot" appeared, with a tour guide and tourists here to see the famous ogre.Tour Guide: (through megaphone) And on your left, the lovable lug that showed us you don’t have to change your undies to change the world!The ogre gave an annoyed look before closing the door to the outhouse.Tour Guide: (through megaphone) I wonder what Shrek’s up to in there.Next, Shrek was trying to fit a little shoe onto Farkle's foot, with Farkle moving his little legs around, and was having trouble trying to put it on.Shrek: Get in there. Get…it's impossible to put on!Fiona then showed up and thought she would help. So she placed it on her son's foot.Fiona: Okay, (begins tying) the dragon goes under the bridge, through the loop, and finally, into the castle.The parents then blew on their baby's cheeks. A bit later, Shrek thought he'd have some time to himself so he sat in his armchair with a glass of eyeball-tini in his hand, and just when he was about to sip it, a certain donkey popped his head through the window.Donkey: Play date!The startled ogre yelped as he fell back. Then Donkey and his kids came in to spend time with Shrek and his family.Donkey: (singing) Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall All you've got to do is call!That night, at dinner, Puss flipped in the air and landed on the dinner table, finishing a story being told to the kids.Puss: Then Shrek kissed the Princess. She turned into a beautiful ogre and they lived…Donkey: Happily…Fiona: Ever…Shrek: After.The kids all jumped and cheered. After the guests left and the triplets were put to sleep, Shrek took some dishes from the table and headed to where Fiona was washing some dishes at the sink next to the window. Fiona then saw a star whizzing by.Fiona: Look! A shooting star!She closed her eyes, scrunched up her nose and crossed her fingers.Shrek: So, what did you wish for?Fiona: That every day could be like this one.Shrek: Come here, you.The two then embraced and kissed, while Puss sat on the side of the window, playing a guitar as he sang a tender song.Puss: (singing) One love One heart Let's get together and feel alrightThe next morning, Shrek was awakened the same way he was yesterday: by the squeaking of his kids' squeaky toy.Felicia: Morning, Daddy.Fiona: Morning.So, the events from yesterday began to happen again, starting with Shrek burping his babies. The boys belched, but Felicia broke wind.Fiona: (passes by) Better out than in.Next, it was changing time.Shrek: Did my little Fergus make a…Before he could finish, a fountain of fluid sprayed at his face and even got into his mouth, but thankfully, it was coming from a goldfish Fergus squirted water from as he giggled.Shrek: (takes the fish) Cute. Real cute.He took the fish and dropped it back in the goldfish bowl. Then, after taking the diaper to the pail outside, he went to the outhouse with the tourist chariot arriving again, to his annoyance.Tour Guide: (through megaphone) This lovable lug taught us you don’t have to change your undies to change the world!He slammed the door. Later, he hoped to have some alone time and drink his eyeball-tini in his armchair, but Donkey showed up again.Donkey: Play date!He and his kids barged in, and as he sang, the dronkeys flew around, chasing the giggling ogre babies.Then, Shrek decided to relax in the mud pit outside, but suddenly Fiona came outside.Fiona: (calls out) Shrek! The outhouse is clogged up!Shrek's eyes widened.That night, the story that was told at dinner the previous night was told again.Puss: She turned into a beautiful ogre and they lived…Donkey: Happily…Fiona: Ever…Shrek: (confused) After?Then the routine happened again with Shrek being woken up by his babies and the squeaky toy, and this time, the triplets were in the bed between the parents, with Farkle pounding Shrek, who looked like he barely got any sleep.Felicia: Daddy, get up!Fergus: Morning.Next, it was time for burping. All three burped, one by one, but then broke wind simultaneously.Fiona: (passes by) Better out than in.After Shrek tossed the diaper away, the tourists visited yet again.Tour Guide: (through megaphone) This lovable lug…Shrek slammed the door of the outhouse. Then Donkey barged in through the door with his kids flapping in.Donkey: (excitedly) PLAY DATE!Shrek: (gets knocked over) No!The Dronkeys floated while carrying the babies, with some fussing. Then, as Shrek, with a towel around himself, tried to get to the mud pit for some relaxation, Fiona called out again.Fiona: (calls out) Outhouse again!He winced. Then, another day, we see Shrek trying to fit the shoe onto Farkle.Shrek: Come on.His son then kicked him in the chin. Next, we see instances of the babies drinking and belching, and of Shrek throwing a diaper away in the pale in the Winter, on a rainy day, and in the Spring. One day, the tourist chariot returned, knocking the outhouse over while Shrek was on the john.Tour Guide: (through megaphone) Undies!When it was playdate time, Shrek just stood frozen in the middle of the chaos that was the Dronkeys and ogres rough-housing, and one of the Dronkeys breathing fire. Then, he tried for the pit again, but didn't make it very far when Fiona's voice called out.Fiona's Voice: Outhouse!He walked back in annoyance. We then see the babies bouncing in bed with Felicia hitting her dad softly with her toy, but Shrek was lying on the floor and did not make any motion.Felicia: Get up, get up!Finally, it was the dinner/story portion of the seemingly repetitive cycle.Puss: And they lived…Donkey: Happily…Fiona: Ever…Shrek: (monotone) After.Later, everyone was asleep, all except for Shrek, who was awake by all the same routine everyday. He rubbed his face with his hands, sighing a bit. He looked at Fiona, sound asleep, before getting up and walking to a dresser. There, he opened up a drawer with a folded up piece of paper inside. He unfolded it, revealing it to be an old Wanted poster of him back from before he met Donkey, rescued Fiona and all his other adventures happened. He looked glum, not feeling as if he was a real ogre anymore. He hung the poster up on the corner of the mirror, and then he looked at the mirror, trying to see if he had any of it inside him.Shrek: (softly) Roar. Roooooooaaaarr.It was no use though, he didn't even scare himself. He hanged his head, feeling his days as an ogre were truly gone. The next day, he looked uneasy as he, his family and Donkey were riding Dragon, with Puss at the edge, playing "King of the World", and the Dronkeys were flying at her side, as the song "Isn't It Strange" by Scissor Sisters played. Shrek was carrying a back case full of baby supplies on his back. The babies whooped and laughed with excitement as Dragon soared through the clouds. The wind then pushed Puss back towards Donkey, and Felicia pulled on one Dronkey's tail, making her unintentionally shoot out flames at her brother's tail. He yelped and glared at his sister, thinking it was on purpose, before chasing her. He breathed fire at her, almost hitting her and barely blackening Shrek's snout.The group then arrived in Far Far Away, passing the kingdom's Hollywood-like sign, and came down for a landing near the Candy Apple (formerly known as the Poison Apple until the villains reformed), and everyone was unloading their baggage and getting off the dragon.Donkey: Nice landing, honey.He and his wife kiss.Donkey: And remember, no eating the valet.Fiona then placed each of her babies on a Dronkey, and they were flown around for fun. As Puss carried a whole stack of presents for the triplets, since it was their birthday, Shrek was carrying down a fold-out three-in-one stroller.Puss: Happy Birthday, ninos! Vamos a la fiesta!He set the three-in-one stroller down and tried unfolding them in frustration, but was having trouble. Then, to his further annoyance, some villagers ran over to him with pitchforks and torches, but not the way people used to. In fact, they were grinning.Villagers: Hey, Shrek! Shrek!Villager 1: (holds up his pitchfork's handle) Mr. Shrek, will you sign our pitchforks?Villager 2: (holds up his torch) And our torches?Shrek quickly dodged the torch as it nearly touched him.Villager 3: Man, you used to be so fierce!Villager 2: Yeah, when you were a real ogre.Shrek: (Puzzled) A "real" ogre?He did not like what that villager was implying.A bit later, inside, Pinocchio was dancing on a stage in front of four animatronics.Pinocchio: (singing) Happy Birthday Bash! No more diaper rash! One year older, not a pain Friends still remain the same, refrain. Super duper, party pooper! Birthday, birthday, birthday bash! Birthday, birthday, birthday bash!Then everyone else inside, minus Shrek, who was holding Felicia and Fergus, sang along.(Crowd): (Everyone except for Shrek) Birthday Bash! Dah-dah-dah-dah-dah!All those who sang laughed and cheered, and Farkle imitated Pinocchio's dancing a bit. Donkey noticed Shrek not singing, laughing or cheering.Donkey: Come on Shrek, it’s a sing-along. You’ve got to sing along!Shrek (Annoyed) No, thanks.Donkey: (Giving a sweet grin at Shrek) Please? I’ll be your best friend.Shrek: Since when does being your best friend entail me to do everything I don’t want to do?As he talked, Felicia squeaked her toy right in her father's ear.Shrek: (Puts Felicia's toy down and talks to her Softly) Please, Felicia, not in daddy's ear.Then a father tapped Shrek on the shoulder.Butterpants's Father: Excuse me, Mr. Shrek? Could you do that ogre roar of yours for my son? He’s a big, big fan.Next to him stood his son, a chubby little boy with a grumpy-looking straight face and lollipop in his fist.Butterpants: Do the roar.Shrek: You know, I’d rather not, it’s my kids’ birthday party and-Butter Pants: Do the roar.Shrek then starts to frown his smile while looking at Butterpants. Fiona then came by and took Fergus off Shrek to hold him for a little bit.Fiona: (Picks up Felicia out of Shrek's arms and holds Her) Honey? Why don't you go check on the cake?Shrek: (Annoyed) Sure.He went to go check on the birthday cake.Fiona: And don’t forget the candles.Shrek sighs deeply. At the kitchen area, the Muffin Man was finishing putting some decoration on Gingy's legs.Muffin Man: Hold still.Once Gingy was done, he stood up with his legs frosted, appearing to look like chaps and he even wore a cowboy hat made of frosting to boot.Gingy: Thanks for the pants, Muffin Man. I always wanted chaps! (prances around) Yee-haw! Giddy up!Shrek then arrived at the counter.Muffin Man: (grins) Ah, Monsieur Shrek.Gingy: Howdy, Shrek!The baker then got out a tray holding a frosted cake, decorated with a cutesy grinning ogre head with candy corn for teeth.Muffin Man: Your cake. Voila!Shrek was appalled by the cake.Shrek: (Disgusted) What is that supposed to be?Gingy: That’s Sprinkles the Ogre!Doris, wearing party service clothes, and picking up some plates, spoke.Doris: Isn’t he cute? He looks just like you.Donkey: Except happy. It’s a party, Shrek. You gotta cheer up!Shrek, still feeling bitter, started carrying the cake away.Shrek: (Through his teeth) I’m in a great mood, actually.Donkey: (Excitedly) Oh, I’m gonna lick me a rainbow!So he licked the cake.Shrek: Donkey!Then Butterpants and his father appeared next to him again.Butterpants's Father: As long as you’re not doing anything, how about one of those famous Shrek roars?Butterpants: Do the roar.Shrek: Let me set you straight, Butterpants. An ogre only roars when he’s angry. (chuckles a bit) You don’t want to see me angry, do you?Butterpants: Do it.He licked his lollipop, while Shrek just walked away, trying to keep his anger in.Shrek: (to himself) Hold it together. Just hold it together.Butterpants: Daddy, he’s getting away. Do something.He set the cake down at the table Fiona was at.Fiona: Oh good.She then saw the cake with a big smear over it, thanks to Donkey's licking.Fiona: (gasps) What happened to the cake?Shrek: Trust me, it's an improvement.Queen Lillian: (sees the cake) You licked it!Shrek: No.Queen Lillian: Just because you’re an ogre, doesn’t mean you have to eat like one.Mabel, wearing service clothes as well, walked by.Mabel: Looks like you forgot the candles.Wolf walked by blowing up a balloon until it popped, startling Shrek.Fiona: OK, just watch the cake. I'll go get them.Fiona went to get the candles.Shrek: (confused) "Watch the cake"?He turned and to his alarm, he saw that the cake was gone, and there was nothing left but a couple crumbs.Shrek: Ahh! Where's the cake?!The pigs stood there with frosting on their lips, looking guilty.Heimlich: We ate ze cake.Dieter: Ja.Shrek: (shocked) What?Then his babies started crying a bit, probably because they heard that the pigs ate the cake.Shrek: No, no. Don't cry, shhh.Butterpants's Father: Hey! I believe you promised my son a roar.Butterpants: Do the roar.Shrek: Uh...(unconvincingly) roar.Butterpants: Don't like it.Shrek: Pigs, we need another cake.Heimlich: But we ate ze ozer cakes.The babies cried some more, and Shrek tried calming them down by bouncing them.Butterpants's Father: Come on man, One roar.Donkey: Hey, everybody! Shrek’s gonna do his famous ogre roar!The Dronkeys gathered around their dad, excited for uncle Shrek's roar.Shrek: Not now, Donkey! Pigs, are there any cupcakes?Dieter: We ate zhem, too.Heimlich: Zhey have lollipops.Horst: No, I ate them.Dieter: What you didn’t share?Horst: (frowns) Well, you didn’t share the croissants!The babies cried some more.Shrek: Everything will be okay.Fiona came and took her kids, holding them.Fiona: Shrek, what's going on?Next, Butterpants was hugging Donkey.Donkey: Come on, Shrek, your fans are waiting!Butterpants: Do the roar.Pinocchio ran around Shrek, singing and shouting indistinctly. Wolf blew another balloon up until it popped. Then everyone all spoke or made noises at once. All of this pressure and tension going on today was taking a toll on Shrek enough, he was losing his patience, trying his best to fight it.Crowd: We need the cake! (chanting) Cake! Cake! Cake!Shrek couldn't hold it in any longer, so he let out an enormous, furious ogre roar that nearly blew everyone away, even Butterpants's hat was blown off.Shrek: RRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!!Once he was done, he panted and everyone else was left stunned and silent for a bit until they all cheered.Butterpants: (chuckles as he hugs his dad) I love you, daddy.Wolf then slapped a party hat onto Shrek's head, to his annoyance.Puss: Everybody, I have found...He lifted his cape to reveal another cake decorated like the last one.Puss: (finishes) another cake!Everyone, minus Fiona, started chanting Shrek's name as Shrek stared angrily at the cake, fuming.Most of everyone: Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!The concerned Fiona just noticed the look on her husband as he handed Felicia to her mother.Fiona: Shrek? Are you OK?Shrek continued glaring at the adorable ogre picture on the cake, feeling it mocked him.Most of everyone: Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!Shrek then slammed his big fist into the cake's center, making everyone gasp in shock. He all gave a miserable stare at everybody and even Fiona, who was more stunned than anyone else. Then he stormed out of the diner in anger. Everyone else just stood, stunned. Even Gingy was stunned as his frosting chaps fell off.Outside, a familiar washed-up deal maker was in the trash, looking for scraps, as he saw a plate and licked it, trying to get some flavor. Then he heard the door slam as he hid, but saw Shrek storm out, with Fiona following.Fiona: Unbelievable.Shrek: Tell me about it! Those villagers…Fiona: I’m not talking about the villagers, Shrek. I’m talking about you. Is this really how you want to remember the kids’ first birthday?Shrek: Oh, great. So this is all my fault?Fiona: Yes. But you know what? Let’s talk about this after the party, at home.Shrek: You mean that roadside attraction we live in? (mockingly) Step right up! (does a mocking jolly dance) See the dancing ogre! Don’t worry! He won’t bite!He then took off the party hat, smashed it and threw it to the ground.Shrek: I used to be an ogre. Now I’m just a jolly green joke!Fiona: Okay, okay, maybe you’re not the ogre you used to be, but maybe that’s not such a bad thing.Shrek: I wouldn’t expect you to understand. It’s not like you’re a real ogre. You spent half your life in a palace.Fiona: (solemnly) And the other half locked away in a tower.Shrek: Look, all I want is for things to go back to the way they used to be! Back when villagers were afraid of me, and I could take a mud bath in peace. When I could do what I wanted, when I wanted to do it! Back when the world made sense!Fiona: You mean back before you rescued me from the Dragon’s Keep?Shrek: Exactly!She looked at him, apalled by the answer, and a long silence followed, before Fiona spoke quietly, feeling hurt.Fiona: Shrek, you have three beautiful children, a wife who loves you, friends who adore you. You have everything. Why is it the only person who can’t see that is you?She then turned away and went to the door, looking back at her husband, who only gave a bitter look before she went back inside. Shrek just stood there before turning and walking away bitterly.Shrek: That’s just great.As he left, Rumpelstiltskin peeked out, and his pet goose, who was now freakishly larger than she was before, peeked out of another trash can, eating some trash. Rumpelstiltskin smirked evilly, knowing this was his chance to finally get back at the ogre who put him out of business.Later, as rain clouds were appearing, Shrek was storming alone in the forest, stewing about what Fiona said.Shrek: If she thinks I’m gonna slink back there and apologize, she’s got another thing coming. She’s not the boss of me. I’m an ogre and I’m not gonna apologize for acting like one.He then heard a voice from the distance.Voice: Help, please! Someone, anyone at all, help me! Please, help!He headed over to see who it was, and in the middle of the forest, the cries of help (or so Shrek believes) came from Rumpelstiltskin, whose legs were underneath his carriage, making it appear as his carriage was broken down on top of him.Rumpelstiltskin: Please, help! I’m stuck! Help! Oh, please, help! Someone, anyone! Help me! The pain!Shrek rolled his eyes as he went over and used his strength to lift up the carriage.Rumpelstiltskin: (squints eyes) I can see a bright light. A tunnel! Grandma? Is that you?Shrek: (dryly) Yeah, it’s me, Granny.Rumpelstiltskin: (pretend alarm) An ogre!He scooched back underneath in "fright".Rumpelstiltskin: Please, Mr. Ogre, please don’t eat me!Shrek: I’m not gonna eat you.Rumpelstiltskin: But you are an ogre…(peeks out) aren’t you?Shrek: Yeah, well, I… I used to be. Look, move out or get crushed.The short man quickly crawled away from the carriage. Shrek then put the carriage back down on the ground and fixed the wheel.Rumpelstiltskin: So you’re not gonna eat me?Shrek: (walks away) No, thanks. I already had a big bowl of curly-toed weirdo for breakfast.The former deal maker followed the ogre.Rumpelstiltskin: Wait up! What’s your rush? Where you going?Shrek: Nowhere.Rumpelstiltskin: (grins) What a coincidence! I was just heading that way myself. But, seriously, let me give you a ride. I insist. Come on. It’s the least I can do after all you’ve done for me.The ogre sighed, rolling his eyes, but it seemed like he was giving in.Rumpelstiltskin: I got a hot rat cooking.Shrek glanced back at the carriage, with Fifi at the reigns, honking a bit. After Rumpelstiltskin managed to lead the ogre to his carriage, the two went inside with the short man throwing off his hat and going to his table to prepare a drink, shaking it up in his bottle.Rumpelstiltskin: All right! Can I interest you in a mudslide? Slug and tonic? A liquid libation to ease that frustration?He even made a fresh certain drink containing an eyeball.Rumpelstiltskin: Eyeball-tini?Shrek peered into the carriage and at the drink, unsure, but he was giving in again.Shrek: Well, maybe just one.A couple hours later, rain was pouring as Fifi was pulling the carriage through the forest. Inside, Shrek was telling a joke to Rumpelstiltskin, and the ogre has had more than just one Eyeball-tini.Shrek: So the centaur says, "That’s not the half I’m talking about."The two chuckled a bit.Rumpelstiltskin: I gotta say, Shrek, I envy you. To live the life of an ogre…no worries, no responsibilities. (takes a sip of an eyeball-tini) You are free to pillage and terrorize as you please.Shrek: Free? (chuckles and rolls eyes) That’s a laugh.Rumpelstiltskin: Oh, yeah?Shrek: Sometimes I wish I had just one day to feel like a real ogre again.He ate the eyeball off the toothpick.Rumpelstiltskin: Why didn’t you say so? (stands up in his chair) Magical transactions are my specialty! Come on!He then grabbed all the empty glasses to put them away.Shrek: Great. Next to mimes, magicians are my favourite people.The short man laughed sarcastically while climbing a ladder.Rumpelstiltskin: Hold on.He started rummaging through his deal scrolls.Rumpelstiltskin: "King for a Month." "Knight for a Week." (finds one) Ah.He then laid out one special contract onto the table, titled "Ogre for a Day".Rumpelstiltskin: "Ogre for a day".The ogre was even more puzzled than ever. The short man then appeared right next to him.Rumpelstiltskin: Think about it, Shrek. To be feared and hated. You’ll be, like, "Roar!" And the villagers will be, like, (mimicking scared citizen) "Get away! It’s Shrek! I’m so scared of him!" It would be just like the good old days, when your swamp was your castle. When the world made sense.Shrek: All right, what’s the catch?Rumpelstiltskin: Catch? No. There’s no catch. No catchings, really. I mean, there’s something. A small thing. Nothing. A little thing.Shrek: All right, I knew it. So what do you want?Rumpelstiltskin: A day.Shrek: (doubtful) A day?A little ding was heard.Rumpelstiltskin: Oh, rat’s done!He put on some oven mitts, opened the stove and took out the cooked rat.Rumpelstiltskin: Well, to make the magic work, you gotta give something to get something. In this case, you gotta give a day to get a day. That’s all.Shrek: I can’t just pick up and leave my family.Rumpelstiltskin: Oh, but that’s the best part, Shrek! It’s a magical contract. No one will even know you’re gone, and by the time this day is up, (gives a smile) you are gonna feel like a changed ogre.Shrek: Still, I don’t know.Rumpelstiltskin: Pffft! Hey, no problem. Forget it, no big d. It doesn’t matter. Do you like white meat or dark meat?The short man poured some sauce onto the rat with a soup ladel. Shrek looked thoughtful about this deal.Shrek: So what day would I have to give up?As Rumpelstiltskin got out a knife and fork, he smirked secretly.Rumpelstiltskin: I don’t know, any day. A day from your past. (starts carving the rat) A day you had the flu? A day you lost a pet?Then he got angry, recalling the day Shrek put him out of business, as he started carving faster.Rumpelstiltskin: (bitterly/faster) A day some meddling oaf stuck his nose where it didn’t belong destroying your business and ruining your life?!Of course, he was carving so fast that he ended up cutting through the rat and the plate, breaking it. Shrek looked at him a bit strangely but Rumpelstiltskin quickly realized his behavior as he hastily began to bring back his composure.Rumpelstiltskin: Just for an example.He placed the plate with the lower half of the rat on the table.Shrek: How about the day I met Donkey? (smirks) Now, there’s a day I’d like to take back.He laughed, and the short man forced a laugh.Rumpelstiltskin: I don’t know who that is. (gets an idea) I know. What about a day you wouldn’t even remember? Like a day when you were a baby.He began to rock his arms back and forth like rocking a baby to sleep, but figuratively.Rumpelstiltskin: An innocent, mindless little baby.Shrek, who was half-way done eating his half of the rat, spoke.Shrek: Take any of those days you want. Take them all for all I care.He chucked the rest of his half into his mouth, while Rumpelstiltskin glared.Rumpelstiltskin: Oh, just one will do.He then got out the ink jar and feather pen, dabbed the said pen into said jar, with a small magic spark appearing.Rumpelstiltskin: OK, good. A day from your childhood it is.Shrek: I guess there’s nothing wrong with wanting a little time for myself.Rumpelstiltskin: Just 24 tiny little hours.Shrek: I’m still my own ogre!Rumpelstiltskin: Yeah, you is!Shrek: I never needed to ask for anyone’s permission before.Rumpelstiltskin: (pushes the contract towards him) So why start now?Shrek looked down at the contract for a moment, and then looked back up at the deal maker, who handed the quill to the ogre.Rumpelstiltskin: Go on, Shrek. Sign it!As Shrek started signing his name in big, bold, gold letters, the deal maker kept urging him to sign it. He was so tensed from this, that even his nasty toes with yellow toenails ripped out of his shoes and scraped the floor.Rumpelstiltskin: Go on, Shrek. Sign it, Shrek! Sign it!During the tension, Fifi also honked a few times, but then, when Shrek wrote the last letter of his name, the tension stopped. Fifi stopped honking and Rumpelstiltskin was calm, but had a glow of excitement.Rumpelstiltskin: Oh. You signed it.Shrek: So, tell me. What happens now?Rumpelstiltskin: (mockingly) Have a nice day.He then cackled villainously as he disappeared in a flash of yellow light. Then, to Shrek's shock, the pen disappeared and the whole carriage came apart like a house would in a tornado, and Shrek suddenly found himself caught in a glowing yellow cyclone, as the parts of the carriage disappeared. The ogre yelled in alarm as he was tossed all around through the air.Shrek: Whoooaaa! WHOOOOAAAAAAAAAA!!Then the yellow background transformed back into the forest setting, only it was sunny and during the daytime. Shrek came falling from the sky and crash-landed hard on the ground, with a jingling sound heard upon his crash.Shrek: (groans) I think I fell on my keys.Then the contract came floating gently down towards the ogre's feet. He picked it up, getting up, when suddenly, he heard a familiar voice.Tour Guide's Voice: There are 40 children in that shoe, which is why the weasel goes pop to this very day.He looked and saw the Star Tours chariot coming his way, to his dismay.Shrek: Oh, great.Tour Guide: As we head over the river and through the woods, we come across…Of course, one tourist on the upper deck saw Shrek and did not give a reaction of happiness. In fact, it was one of alarm.Tourist: (points) Ogre!The group, not recognizing Shrek, saw him and all reacted with horror, and suddenly the driver lost control as the horses were scared that they ran, resulting in the chariot to crash into a tree. The tour guide and tourists all ran off the wrecked chariot, screaming and heading for the hills. Shrek was a bit surprised at first but then he realized that the magic of the contract had worked, and people fear him once again. He grinned as he kissed the piece of paper, before laughing. The song "Top of the World" by the Carpenters began to play as Shrek left the forest and went on his way to the nearest village.He strode merrily towards the unsuspecting villagers.Such a feeling's coming over meWhen the villagers all saw him, they all ran away in separate directions, screaming, while he continued striding with glee, glad to be feared again.There is wonder in most everything that I seeWe then see a puppet show with one puppet attacking an ogre puppet with a prop stick, with all the kids watching encouraging the puppet to beat the ogre.Kids: Kill the ogre! Kill the ogre!Not a cloud in the skyThen, without warning, the puppeteer, who turned out to be Shrek, rose his head up from the puppet theater's window and roared, making the kids scream. Then his arms burst through the cardboard, roaring again. The kids all ran away with Shrek walking up to the seats like a usual ogre would and then chuckled.Got the sun in my eyes And I won't be surprised if it's a dreamSomewhere else, a wedding was being held in a church. Inside, the priest gave the permission for the groom to kiss the bride.Everything I want the world to beThe groom lifted the veil of his bride, who was actually Shrek (in drag), about to give a kiss. The groom and priest screamed in alarm. Then Shrek roared at everyone inside the church, making them all scream and leave the church.Is now coming true, especially for meShrek, the only one left in the church, twirled around, holding the dress he was wearing.And the reason is clear It's because you are nearNear a tree, a couple was about to have a picnic when Shrek, in normal garb, appeared hanging upside-down from a branch, roaring, scaring off the couple before he took the chicken leg and chomped it.You're the nearest thing to heaven that I seeNext, we see Shrek scaring a cat, making it screech while jumping up. Then we see Shrek roaring at a mirror, breaking it. Shrek then got up behind four men gulping ale, letting out a roar, making them spit out their drinks. He then went to an old lady with a hearing horn.Shrek: (speaks into hearing aid quietly) Roar.The deaf old lady's eyes widened in alarm. Next, at a melon cart, someone was about to grab a melon, but grabbed Shrek's head, as the ogre was hiding in the melon cart and he gave yet another roar. Then he went near a goose, roaring at it, causing the goose to plop out an egg in fear.I'm on the top of the world Lookin' down on creation And the only explanation I can findWe then see Shrek happily being chased by an angry mob like the old days, laughing. He then grabbed a hanging shop's sign, swung over the bar, removing the sign and leaping onto a roof, surfing over it like a surfboard and in the process, the surfing removed the shingles. He even surfed onto another roof, swung around a weather vane, hopped onto another roof and surfed down that one as well.Is the love that I found Ever since you've been aroundHe leaped off the roof, with the villagers angrily tossing their pitchforks in the air like javelins, while Shrek soared relaxingly, with the pitchforks missing him.Your love's put me at the top of the worldThe ogre then landed in a hay cart, breaking off a wheel in the process. He then leaped out of the hay to declare something to the villagers.Shrek: This is the part where you run away!So the villagers all ran away in fear.Is the love that I found Ever since you've been aroundHe then leaped off the cart like a diving board and splashed into a pigsty, startling some pigs upon the splash.Your love's put me at the top of the worldHe then lay back, doing a mud angel, laughing before sighing, glad to feel like an actual ogre once more.Later, after Shrek got the mud cleaned off him, he went around the forest, and saw a Wanted poster for ogres and took it.Shrek: Sure is great to be wanted again. (sees another poster) Oh, nice one.Then when he saw one more wanted poster, and there was something different about the others that made his smile disappear. It had the face of a familiar ogre. He went up closer to it, and saw that it was of Fiona, giving a fierce look.Shrek: Fiona?He then saw more Wanted posters of Fiona on just about every tree, making him worried. He even saw a couple with axes and knives pinned at them. As he saw all the other posters, he began breathing harder.Shrek: Oh, no.He then raced out of the forest to get to his home. He raced through a cornfield, breathing like mad, and when he came to the end of it, he saw what looked like the structure of his swamp home, except there were no doors or windows.Shrek: My home. (runs to it) Fiona!However, the structure was very solid when he came up to it.Shrek: Fiona! Are you in there?!He then used his ogre strength to pound his way through the soil structure three times and soon created a hole which he fell in through. He got up and saw that the place was empty, and not only that but there was no furniture. It was all a dark underground setting with dirt and roots as far as the eye can see. He walked around, pushed through some dangling roots, and saw a rat on one root, before it and other rats scampered away. Shrek then frowned in anger before leaving the structure.Shrek: (yelling out) All right, Rumpel! This wasn’t part of the deal!He looked around and saw all the trees in his swamp all dry and leafless. Not only that, but there was no grass, plants or any swamp water. The place looked like a complete dried-up wasteland.Shrek: Rumpel!But not an answer came. Shrek then dug in his shirt and pulled out the folded-up contract that he unfolded, and thought to have a better look at it. Then something flew above him, making a 'woosh' sound. He thought it was nothing, but then there were two more quick figures flying above him. He then turned around and saw what appeared to be a pack of witches flying on their broomsticks. One witch, Broomsy Witch, spotted Shrek down below.Broomsy: (points) Ogre!Shrek gave a confused shrug. The other witches joined Broomsy.Broomsy: We’ve got another one, ladies! Get him!The witches all cackled as they dove in, flying in a circle around the swamp.Shrek: Who are you?! What are you doing in my swamp?One laughing witch came swooping right at him, but he grabbed her broom, and she ended up yelling in alarm as she came crashing towards a tree. She got caught in the tree with her kicking feet sticking out.Broomsy: Looks like a troublemaker!She got out an apple, used her teeth to pluck out the stem like a grenade pin and chucked it towards Shrek's feet, to his confusion. Then the apple started spinning around like mad releasing smoke from it, and when smoke clouded the spot where Shrek was, he coughed as he tried waving the smoke away. Then one chain with an iron skull was swung and ensnared Shrek by the arm. The witches continued cackling as another witch tossed another chain with a chattering skull to ensnare Shrek by the ankle, and one more chain grabbed Shrek by the second ankle.Broomsy: Spread ‘em!Shrek yelped as he was pulled by the chains and lifted up in the air by the witches taking him away. He screamed as he was pulled up, and hit a part of what would have been the roof of his home along the way out. The witches cackled some more as they carried their prisoner off.Broomsy: Nice job, ladies!Shrek used his fist to break off the chain carrying his arm, forcing him to drop to the ground, but was still being dragged by the chains carrying his legs, grunting as he hit the ground before the witches managed to pull him back up in the air.Shrek: You witches are making a big mistake! I know my rights!Witch #2: You have the right to shut your mouth!The witch then threw a flaming pumpkin at him, and once it exploded upon hitting him, everything went black. Sometime later, Shrek was lying down asleep somewhere, as a familiar voice was heard singing outside.Donkey's Voice: (singing) Just thinking about tomorrow Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow 'Til there's noneWhen I'm stuck with a day That's gray And lonelyShrek: (groans) Donkey, stop with the singing, will you?His eyes opened up in realization.Donkey's Voice: (singing) I just stick out my chin, And grin, And sayShrek: Donkey!He hit his head on the ceiling.Shrek: Ow!He then looked and found out he was in some sort of cage on wheels.Donkey's Voice: (singing) Oh, the sun'll come out tomorrow So you gotta hang on 'til tomorrowHe peeked and saw Donkey, fuzzier, pulling the carriage he was in.Donkey: (singing) Come what may Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, Tomorrow!Shrek: Donkey, where am I? What’s happening?There were two witches on top of the cage in charge of driving.Cage Witch #1: (hits Shrek with her broom) Quiet down there! Oh, I hate this song.She whipped Donkey, making him yelp as he sang a different song.Donkey: (singing) But I made up my mind I'm keeping my baby OooohCage Witch #2: Yeah, I’m driving, so I’m in charge of the music.She took the instrument of torture and gave the donkey another lash.Donkey: Will you witches make up your mind?The only response was another lash.Donkey: (singing) No matter what they take from meThe second witch grinned, apparently liking the song as she nudged her partner, who also liked the song. They even started to sing along.Donkey and Witches: (singing) They can't take away my dignity Because the greatest love of allShrek: Donkey? What’s going on? Do you know where Fiona is?As the witches kept singing, Donkey quietly spoke to him.Donkey: Quiet, ogre! You’re gonna get me in trouble and I need this job. I am not going back to work for Old MacDonald. Tell me to E-I-E-I-O. "E-I-E-I-No!" That’s what I said.Shrek: Where are my babies? (as Donkey rolls his eyes) And where’s your wife, Dragon?Donkey: Look, I think you have me confused with some other talking donkey. I’ve never seen you before in my life.Shrek: (puzzled) Never seen me before? Come on, Donkey!Donkey: And how do you know my name anyway?Shrek: It’s me, Shrek. Your best friend?Donkey: A donkey and an ogre friends? That’s the most ridiculous thing I ever heard!As Donkey kept pulling the cage, Shrek fumed in frustration.Shrek: Can you at least tell me where they’re taking me?Donkey: To the same place they take every ogre. To Rumpelstiltskin.Shrek: Stiltskin!Witch #1: (hits Shrek with her broom) I said "quiet"!The second witch whipped Donkey again.Donkey: (singing) Hit me with your best shotShe gave him another lash.Donkey: (singing) Why don't you hit me with your best shotShe gave him another lash, as if taking the lyrics literally.Donkey: (singing) Hit me with your best shotShrek then pounded the cage angrily as he saw something definitely different, and to his horror, it was most of the letters of the Far, Far Away sign destroyed.Shrek: Oh, no.Donkey: (singing) Fire away!To make matters worse, the green hills of the kingdom were now like a barren wasteland, and the castle is replaced with a huge fortress of a castle with a familiar carriage at the top, with a big 'R' on top as well.As Donkey pulled the cage through the village, Shrek looked on in disgust at how different Far, Far Away was in this alternate universe. The villagers were all scrounging for something or living miserably.Muffin Man's Voice: It’s time to crumble! Place your bets! Place your bets!Shrek turned, seeing a small crowd gathered around a small makeshift arena, placing bets, with the Muffin Man holding a spatula with a certain gingerbread man.Muffin Man: We start tout de suite!Gingy sprung up, but now he had battle scars on his face, chest, and arms, and was decorated with battle gear and a kilt like a Braveheart character, and he held up a big lollipop as his weapon.Gingy: Yeah!He gave a battle cry, leaping down onto the small arena while breaking his lollipop to give it sharp edges.Shrek: (confused) Gingy?Then out of three boxes came an assortment of sentient animal crackers charging at the gingerbread man, but because he now had a fierce personality, he shouted as he dodged each animal and used his lollipop to take down his opponents. He even used it to turn and decapitate some of the animal crackers.Gingy: Gingy snap!The spectators laughed, enjoying this sport. One of the certain dwarfs, who was one of the spectators, saw the cage pulling Shrek.Dwarf: (points at it) There’s one! Disgusting, filthy ogre!All the villagers gathered around with nasty scowls, shouting and jeering at the ogre prisoner.Villagers: (randomly) Hideous monster! Filthy, filthy creature! Disgusting creature!One villager chucked an overripe tomato at Shrek's face, with Shrek wiping it off. The villagers continued shouting nasty remarks towards Shrek as the cage pulled onward. One villager even chucked a glass bottle at the cage.The witches, Shrek and Donkey soon made it to the castle, which was now guarded by witches about every nook and cranny, and there was a shield with an "R" on the front of the gates, which went up. As they went inside, Shrek was in horror to see how different the castle grounds looked, and he passed something he definitely hadn't seen before: two ogres pushing the gear that controls the gates. The two ogres were miserable because they were being forced to by another witch with a whip.Slavery Witch: Move it!She whipped one of the ogres as she cackled evilly.The gate then closed as the carriage headed to the main hall and stopped right at the door. Once there, the cage's door was opened, Shrek was let out but placed in hand-cuffs and shackles around his neck, which were connected to sticks held by four more witches, as they lead the prisoner to the doors.Shrek: (quietly) Don’t worry, Donkey. I’ll get us our lives back.Donkey: Yeah, right. Put a little mustard on mine, Captain Crazy!The witches laughed heartlessly while pushing the doors open, and inside the huge room was a rave party going on with the whole room infested with witches, dancing and celebrating, with loud rave music playing. They saw the witches leading the imprisoned ogre through the room as they moved aside. Shrek glanced at his surroundings, and saw the Three Little Pigs in servant clothes feeding Fifi some ham. She pecked at it a bit, before scarfing it all down. He glanced at another corner with a witch band playing the rave music with a pumpkin drum, a broomstick bass, a skull xylophone which made synthisizer music, and a huge brewing cauldron. As the rest of the witches continued dancing and shouting with glee, the witches that held Shrek prisoner kept leading Shrek across the ballroom. At this time, at a small corner lined with red VIP ropes in front, a certain deal maker was in a couch-styled throne (with the ruler's seat being in the middle), wearing fancy white clothes, laughing and having drinks with four more witches. Then another witch called out.Witch: Mr. Stiltskin? You got another customer.He took a sip from a cocktail drink, glancing at the customer with a wide smirk. The customer was Pinocchio, who was being ushered through the VIP line by the witch. He turned to Wolf, now dressed as a maid, next to a cart full of different wigs.Rumpelstiltskin: (snaps fingers) Wolfie!Wolf: (dryly) Yes, Mr. Stiltskin.Rumpelstiltskin: Bring me my business wig.Pinocchio: (pleading) Mr. Stiltskin, please!Rumpelstiltskin: (cutting him off) Abupupup!The miserable wolf placed a Victorian styled white powdered wig over the short man.Rumpelstiltskin: (signals) OK, go.Pinocchio: Please make me a real boy!Rumpelstiltskin got out a rolled up contract and smacked the wolf away.Rumpelstiltskin: Go away! (to Pinocchio) Terms are in the details, balsa boy.He rolled out the contract, and pushed it, a quill and an ink jar towards the puppet, who was eagerly ready to sign.Pinocchio: Sayonara, termites! Hello, acne!The short man laughed as the puppet started signing.Shrek: (yells out) Stiltskin!Then all the music, dancing and talking stopped as all the witches turned towards the ogre. The deal maker was excited as he stood up on his desk.Rumpelstiltskin: Shrek! There he is!As he walked across the desk, he unknowingly knocked over the ink jar, spilling ink over the spot where Pinocchio signed half his name in cursive.Pinocchio: So close!The puppet's arm was grabbed by one of the witches and dragged away from the table, without Rumpelstiltskin caring to notice.Rumpelstiltskin: (extending out his arms) Have I been waiting for you!He hopped from the table and announced to all the witches.Rumpelstiltskin: Ladies, this is the guy that made all of this possible!They all cheered wildly. Then the deal maker climbed up towards Shrek's ear, pulling on it and speaking into it.Rumpelstiltskin: So, tell me, how are you enjoying your day?Shrek: All right, Rumpel, what’s going on? What have you done?He hopped off.Rumpelstiltskin: No, Shrek, it’s not what I’ve done. It’s what you’ve done. (skips to his table and sits on it) Thanks to you, the King and Queen signed their kingdom over to me.Shrek: (rolls eyes) They would never do that.Rumpelstiltskin: They would if I promised them all their problems would disappear.(Flashback)We see the same moment of Fiona's parents visiting the deal maker to sign a contract to save their daughter, but this time, it has a different ending. They signed their names, and then suddenly the king and queen began turning gold, to their alarm and horror.Rumpelstiltskin's Voice: And then THEY disappeared!Queen Lillian: No!King Harold: No!They then started to fade away.Both: Noooooooo!The king and queen exploded into gold dust, leaving only their crowns which dropped onto the table. The evil deal maker then took Harold's crown.(End of Flashback)Rumpelstiltskin held out the deceased king's crown, as Shrek realized he had tricked the king and queen into signing the kingdom and their lives over. Rumpelstiltskin spun the crown around as he sighed.Rumpelstiltskin: They would have done anything if they thought it would end their daughter’s curse.Shrek: I ended Fiona’s curse!Rumpelstiltskin: How could you when you never existed?He kicked the crown away.Shrek: You better start making sense, you dirty little man!Rumpelstiltskin: (pulls out contract from Shrek's vest) Here, let me spell it out for you! (points to fine print) You gave me a day from your past, a day you couldn’t even remember. A day when you were an innocent, mindless little baby.He walked away, mockingly humming "Happy Birthday", and that's when it dawned on Shrek.Shrek: You took the day I was born.The dictator held his toes before spreading his legs out.Rumpelstiltskin: No, Shrek. You gave it to me.Shrek: Enjoy this while you can, Stiltskin, because when this day is up…Rumpelstiltskin: (interrupts) But you haven’t heard the best part.He snapped his fingers, and another witch brought over a huge magic hourglass to the table, rerpesenting the remaining hours of the day.Rumpelstiltskin: Since you were never born, once this day comes to an end, so will you.The witches all laughed as Shrek saw the hourglass with the sand running, which meant the time he had left was running.Shrek: Where’s Fiona? Where’s my family?Rumpelstiltskin: Silly little ogre. You don’t get it, do you? You see, you were never born. You never met Fiona. (menacingly) Your kids don’t exist.Then the witches all laughed at Shrek's misery, making the ogre more upset. Rumpelstiltskin even taunted him some more.Rumpelstiltskin: How’s that for a metaphysical paradox?! Looks like you got exactly what you wanted! (mockingly) HAPPY OGRE DAY!!!!Shrek finally snapped and went for the short man.Shrek: (furiously) Rumpel!!He lunged at Rumpelstiltskin, who yelped in alarm as he jumped back.Rumpelstiltskin: Get him, witches!A witch fired another skull chain at Shrek, but he sensed it was coming this time, so he turned and blocked himself with the chains of his cuffs, just in time for the skull to reach him. The skull chomped the chains, breaking them. The witches screamed in alarm and panic as Shrek then ripped the shackles off his neck, growling. Another witch flying on a broomstick was twirling a skull chain and firing it at Shrek, but he quickly grabbed it and gave it a yank, pulling the witch down to his level. Shrek and the witch were face-to-face, with the witch worried what he would do to her.Outside in the halls, Donkey was speaking to two witches, though it was hard to tell if they were paying attention or ignoring.Donkey: You know what’d help morale around here? Flip-flop Fridays. Feet would be comfortable with the breeze on your toes.Then, without warning, the doors burst open and Shrek came flying through on the broomstick he took, rather clumsily. He knocked the two witches and Donkey down in the process, and at this time, "Click Click" by Light FM started playing. Shrek yelped a bit as he rode a loop-de-loop. Donkey looked over the edge of the bridge he was on and saw Shrek spiraling downward before trying to ride the broom on the bottom story, though not doing very well.Witch: Come on, girls!Five of the witches leaped off the bridge and onto their broomsticks, cackling madly as they pursued the ogre throughout the floor. Through the halls, Shrek still tried getting the hang of flying a broom as the pumpkin witch chucked pumpkin bombs at him, but he luckily dodged each one. Back on the top story, Rumpelstiltskin came out, angrily shoving one of the witches.Rumpelstiltskin: Lock all the doors, you worthless witches! (kicks a witch) Do it!The short man then saw Shrek flying up towards him with a stern look, making him yelp. As the ogre on the broom zoomed upward, Rumpelstiltskin's wig briefly flew off his head from the impact.Shrek: (calls back) I’ll be right back, Donkey!He zoomed off, trying to figure out how to shake the witches.Donkey: I don’t know you!He then looked back at Rumpelstiltskin.Donkey: I don’t know him!The witches pursued Shrek through a higher story, and when he came to the edge and saw a pole, he smirked, getting an idea. Once he came to the pole, he swung around it and flew back, though rather lop-sided. When the witches saw him swerving towards them, they all flew out of the way to avoid getting hit. Shrek then managed to get a decent hold of the broom as he zoomed back to the bottom floor, dodging more incoming pumpkin bombs. He came back to the floor where Rumpelstiltskin and Donkey were, stopped the broom and glared at the foe.Donkey: I’m glad I’m not you.The dictator ran off as Shrek then swooped in, but instead of going after the deal maker who stole his birth, he scooped up Donkey in one swipe and flew into another room, with Donkey screaming for help.Donkey: Help me! Help!Shrek saw the skylight up above, and he smirked, getting an escape idea.Donkey: Help!With the witches still on the ogre's tail, he swung around the golden chain of a huge shiny ball hung as the castle's centerpiece. He grabbed the chain, and began to twirl around the room while holding the chain, using the ball to smash everything in its path, with the witches (the ones who weren't chasing Shrek) all screaming as they ran to avoid getting crushed by the ball or the debris. While this happened, Rumpelstiltskin could only watch helplessly and in despair.Rumpelstiltskin: No, not my pretty ball!The witches continued pursuing Shrek, with the ogre and donkey getting closer to the skylight, with Donkey screaming and Shrek yelling.Shrek: (covers Donkey's eyes) Watch out!The two then smashed straight through the skylight with the ball getting jammed in the hole, and the flying witches' brooms getting pinned to the ball itself, and some fell off, screaming, and landed on the floor. Outside, Shrek and Donkey zoomed off and away from the castle, with Donkey still screaming. Back in the castle, the ball didn't have anything to latch itself to, so it didn't take long for the ball itself to creak loudly, before falling back and crashing into the ground with a very loud thump.Rumpelstiltskin: Wolfie? My angry wig.The witch maids walked away in worry while Wolf removed the business wig and replaced it with a new one, which was a tall, red, fiery wig that resembled either Syndrome's hair from the Incredibles or a Troll doll's hair. Wolf walked away as well before the dictator breathed in anger.With Shrek and Donkey, the two continued riding the broom, with the latter still panicking and struggling to get out of the ogre's grip.Donkey: Help! I’ve been kidnapped by a deranged, unbalanced ogre!Shrek: Donkey! Get off of me! Watch it with your pointy hooves!Then they ended up crashing through a tree, and it looked like Donkey was riding the broom with Shrek holding onto the edge. Then, as they crashed through another tree, and it looked like Shrek was riding the broom backwards with Donkey riding on the bottom, upside-down. Then, after crashing through another tree, the two ended up flying off the broomstick and on the ground hard, with Shrek on his back and Donkey on the ogre's stomach. Donkey then looked very worried, and then, the next thing you know, he was running for his life with the ogre chasing after him.Donkey: Just take my wallet!Shrek: Hey!Donkey: I’m being ass-napped!Shrek then tackled his best friend, who was still terrified of the ogre.Donkey: Animal cruelty! Help!Shrek: (covers Donkey's mouth) You need to calm down! I’m your friend.Donkey: (muffled) My friend?Shrek: I’m not gonna hurt you, all right?He nodded, though in fear.Shrek: Good. I’m gonna let go…right…now.Once Shrek removed his hand, Donkey still panicked.Donkey: Please! Eat my face last! Send my hooves to my mama!Shrek: Donkey! You’ve got to trust me.Donkey: Why should I trust you?Shrek: Because…because…He then thought of the only way to convince Donkey, but he shook his head, not believing he was about to do it.Shrek: (sighs) OK.He got up and started to sing while dancing a bit, and wasn't particularly good at carrying a tune.Shrek: (singing) Winter, spring, summer, fall All you got to do is call And I'll be there, ye, ye, ye You've got a friendDonkey then got up, with his look of fear fading away, and he began to grin warmly. It looked like for a minute, Donkey recognized his best friend and was about to embrace him but instead, he ran away, screaming some more. The ogre was left dumbstruck.Shrek: Fine! Go ahead! Run away! Who needs you?He then miserably walked through the forest and sat down on a log, but upon sitting, a squeaky noise was heard. He reached from his pocket and pulled out the source of the noise, Felicia's squeaky ogre toy. He stared at it and held it sadly, knowing he'll never see Fiona or his kids again. Then, as a tear began streaming from his eye, he held his head down.Donkey's Voice: I’ve never seen an ogre cry.He turned and saw Donkey right next to him. He then wiped the tear away.Shrek: I’m not crying.Donkey: It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I cry all the time. Just thinking about my grandma, or thinking about baby kittens, or my grandma kissing a baby kitten, (choking up) or a little baby grandma kitten. (starts to cry himself) That is so darn sad.Shrek: I said I’m not crying!Donkey: (recovers) Take it easy, I’m only trying to help. It’s none of my business why you’re upset. By the way, why are you upset?Shrek: I was tricked into signing something I shouldn’t have.Donkey: You signed up for one of them time-shares, huh?Shrek: (pulls out contract) No. I signed this.Donkey: (gasps) You should never sign a contract with Rumpelstiltskin!Shrek: Yeah, I got that.Donkey: His fine print is crafty.Shrek: I know.Donkey: His exit clauses are sneaky.Shrek: Yeah, I...What did you say?Donkey: I’m talking about the exit clause. Used to be, you had to guess his name, but now everybody knows who Rumpelstiltskin is.Shrek: Donkey, I’ve read the fine print. There’s nothing about an exit clause in here.Donkey: Well, you didn’t expect him to make it easy for you. Here, let me show you how it’s done.He grabbed the contract with his teeth and placed it on the ground, starting to fold the paper.Donkey: I didn’t spend all that time around them witches without picking up a few tricks. Your tiny, little ogre brain couldn’t begin to comprehend the complexity of my polygonic foldability skills.Shrek: What are you doing?Donkey: Hey, I can’t get my origami on unless you back off. Thank you.Shrek rolled his eyes and sighed as Donkey continued folding.Shrek: OK, here’s what you gotta do. You fold this piece here, make this letter match up here, bring this corner here, and if you do it just right, it will show you what to do.Then Shrek saw that Donkey's paper folding started to from letters together to form the exit clause. Once Donkey was finished, he showed the folded up paper to the ogre.Donkey: There! "Try Lou’s Bliss. "Shrek only gave a confused look.Donkey: Who’s Lou?Shrek: Give me that!He snatched the paper and did some folding himself, and then it showed a heart with the TRUE words of the exit clause: "True Love's Kiss".Shrek: "True Love’s Kiss. "Donkey: Hey, you have to take me to dinner first.Shrek: (rolls eyes) "According to fairy tale law, if not fully satisfied, true love’s kiss will render this contract null and void." Donkey, you did it!He then picked Donkey up and hugged him, with Donkey struggling.Shrek: Look at you! If Fiona and I share true love’s kiss, I will get my life back!Donkey: (gets down) OK! This isn’t a petting zoo! So where is this Fiona?Shrek: Well, that’s just it, you see. I don’t know.Donkey: You know, when I lose something, I always try to retrace my steps. So, where did you leave her last?Shrek: The last time I saw her, I told her I wished I’d never rescued her.His eyes widened in realization.Shrek: Oh, no.Shrek knew the only place to look was the place he first rescued her: the dragon's keep, and that's where he went, with Donkey following. This time, there was no lava surrounding the castle. Shrek ran across the bridge, hoping to find Fiona.Donkey: Shrek? Shrek! Shrek, wait! Wait, Shrek! What, are you crazy? That’s the Dragon’s Keep! They keep dragons in there!He tried running across to stop the ogre, but he screamed when one of the boards he stepped on broke, so he quickly went back.Donkey: OK, yeah, fine! Go ahead! I’m gonna just hang back here and find us some breakfast!Not paying attention to Donkey, Shrek just raced through the castle, breathing desperately. Thankfully, since Dragon wasn't there either for some reason, Shrek had no trouble making it to the stairs leading to the highest room in the tallest tower. He ran up those stairs and burst the door open, causing pigeons in the room to scatter.Shrek: Fiona!He looked and saw the bed where he first found Fiona deserted, and the curtains and sheets were all ripped. That's not all he saw. He saw something behind the tapestry of a knight on a steed. He went over, pushing the tapestry aside, seeing markings on the stone wall. They were tallies of all the days Fiona has been locked in the tower. Shrek tore the tapestry off, and the whole wall was marked with tallies. Shrek put his hand on the wall in regret, and then depressingly went over to the bed, and there he saw Fiona's princess tiara.Shrek: Oh, no.He picked up the tiara, sat down and held it in his hands.Shrek: If I didn’t save Fiona…then who did?He then noticed another object on the ground, and that object was the handkerchief Fiona gave Shrek on the day he rescued her. He picked it up and held it as well.Soon, he returned from the castle, holding the handkerchief.Shrek: This is the favour Fiona was supposed to give me on the day we met.Donkey looked surprised.Shrek: It’s a symbol of our love. (pushes hankie in front of Donkey's face) Now smell it!Donkey: (winces) Hey, man, get that dirty favour out of my face!Shrek: Your nose is the only chance I have of tracking down my wife, so stop complaining and start smelling. (waves it in front of Donkey) Smell it! Get it! Away you go, girl!Donkey: Do I look like a bloodhound to you? In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a donkey, not a dog! If I was a dog, they’d call me Dog, not Donkey! And another thing...Then he started sniffing.Donkey: Wait a minute. I think I got something.He sniffed the air some more, walking around a bit.Donkey: Whatever it is, it’s sweet.Shrek: Fiona.Donkey: Luscious and tasty.Shrek: (frowns) Hey! That’s my wife you’re talking about.The donkey then abruptly rose his head up, and dashed off into the forest.Shrek: Donkey!Donkey started sniffing the ground in the forest like a bloodhound, and to his surprise and happiness, he saw an unguarded plate of stacked waffles coated in syrup sitting on a stump.Donkey: Yeah! Waffles! And I thought the Waffle Fairy was just a bedtime story. (rushes up to plate) Sticky stacks of golden, syrupy deliciousness!Shrek: Donkey! Don’t eat that!Donkey stopped and frowned.Shrek: There’s a stack of freshly made waffles in the middle of the forest. Don’t you find that a wee bit suspicious?Donkey only gave an "I don't know" kind of mumble before trying to take a little nibble of the waffles, but Shrek kept protesting against it.Shrek: Oh, you…(as Donkey prepares to nibble) I’m just…What are you…? Bad Donkey! Mustn’t--I said, don’t! Don’t! No! Get away from it.But Donkey extended his tongue out and licked the dripping syrup of the waffles.Shrek: You did.Then, without warning, the plate flung the waffles onto a tree. Donkey quickly realized it was a trap.Donkey: Uh-oh.The stump flipped open like a lid and looked at the hole, rather confused because it didn't seem like an effective trap to him. However, that was not the full trap. Shrek glanced around, seeing hidden pulleys and counterweights turning, and then a log came swinging out to the direction of the two.Shrek: (ducks) Look out!But Donkey didn't duck in time, as he got hit in the end by the log, sending him into the hole. The ogre ran up to the hole, lifting the lid, seeing Donkey lying there.Shrek: Donkey! Are you OK?Donkey: I’m fine.But then his hooves got snagged by a rope trap and he was yanked away, screaming.Shrek: Donkey.He leaped into the hole and saw it led to a tunnel, and because it was small to walk through, he had to crawl through it.Donkey's Voice: Help! Help me! Help, Shrek! Help!Then he came out through the other end, pushing the roots, and when getting up, he was awestruck at where he was. He was in some hidden camp with ogres like him roaming about, carrying stuff and doing chores. He wandered around in amazement, looking at the sights, making him grin a bit. A blacksmith ogre was sharpening a tool and a female ogre was carrying an anvil of some sort. As Shrek kept wandering, two ogres carrying a log were coming from behind him.Ogre #1: Watch your head.He then ducked, letting the two ogres lift the log over him. Then three ogres, including a female one named Gretched, came around him.Ogre #2: Hey, it’s a new guy!Ogre #3: Look at him, all dressed up in his Sunday vest.Gretched: He’s really tiny, isn’t he?Ogre #2: Yeah.Then, a slender ogre taller than Shrek, known as Brogan, came behind our main ogre, putting his arm around him.Brogan: Fate has delivered us a comrade-in-arms and for that, we are thankful. Suit him up!The other ogres then took Shrek to get suited up.Ogre #3: Let’s go, greenie.Shrek: Now, wait a minute!He was placed on an armor vest, along with some wrist bands, and a helmet. One ogre smacked him in the rear to get him going.Shrek: Hey!Brogan: Here you go.An axe was tossed into Shrek's arms, which Shrek luckily caught. Three ogres each threw an axe at three different dummies wearing witch's clothes. One ogre even tackled a witch dummy, and brawled with it. ShrekBrogan: Welcome to the resistance.Shrek: (confused) Resistance?Brogan: (puts arm around Shrek) We fight for freedom and ogres everywhere!He then held his nose and started blowing a toot through his ears, and then, all the other ogres held their noses and blew through their ears. When the blowing was done, the resistance ogres hooted and laughed while Shrek was even more stunned than already.Shrek: I didn’t know we could do that.Suddenly, he heard a certain donkey yelling for help, and he turned to see Donkey being carried upside-down by two ogres and tied to some sticks.Donkey: Help! You can’t eat me! I got the mange! I’m poisonous! I’m all poi…But one of the ogres stuffed an apple in his mouth, resulting in Donkey to yell, muffled. Then Shrek grabbed Donkey by the sticks.Shrek: I’ll take him! This order’s to go.One of the ogres carrying him, a chef ogre named Cookie then grabbed the sticks.Cookie: Hey! I haven’t removed his giblets yet.Shrek: Trust me, you don’t want to eat this one.Donkey: (spits out apple) I go down smooth, but come out fighting!The two ogres ended up having a tug-of-war with Donkey.Shrek: Let go!Cookie: Don’t make Papa mad.Shrek: Your dinner is my friend!Brogan came over, trying to break up the two.Brogan: Come on, guys!Cookie: I got to get the giblets out!Then, a horn was sounded, stopping the fight and getting all ogres' and Donkey's attention.Ogre #4: She’s back.Shrek turned and saw a figure arriving on the hill, who was clad with a helmet and armor, and holding an axe in her hand. She removed her helmet, and revealed to be none other than Fiona (in ogre form). She stood there, with the wind blowing her hair, giving it a dramatic flare. When Shrek saw her, he grinned in so much relief.Shrek: There she is. (hands axe to one of the ogres) Fiona!He began running up to Fiona, who noticed Shrek running up to her.Shrek: I’m so happy I found you!Of course, because Shrek was never born, Fiona did not accept/return the embrace. Instead, before Shrek could hug her, she lifted up her foot and kicked Shrek in the face, sending him flying, yelling in slow-motion, before crashing to the ground. The ogres winced while some couldn't help but chuckle a bit. The groaning Shrek got up as Fiona walked up, handing her axe to Gretched, and her helmet to Brogan.Fiona: Maybe you missed orientation, but for future reference, personal space is very important to me.Shrek then looked very worried.Shrek: You don’t know who I am, do you?Fiona: No. (to Brogan) Brogan, I have news from Far Far Away. Gather the others and meet me in the war room.Shrek: Fiona.Fiona: Gretched, make sure everyone is prepared to move out tonight.Shrek: I need to talk to you.Fiona: What is it?Shrek: OK, I know you don’t remember me, but…we’re married.Needless to say, she gave a confused look.Shrek: Hear me out. I was at the birthday party with some pigs and a puppet, the villagers wanted me to sign their pitchforks, and this boy kept saying, "Do the roar. Do the roar. Do the roar."As he explained and tried making it sound as believable as he could, Brogan and Gretched were equally as confused as Fiona.Shrek: Then I punched the cakes that the pigs ate and the next thing I knew, my donkey fell in your waffle hole.Needless to say as well, pretty much all ogres that weren't Shrek, were completely dumbstruck, and so was Donkey.Shrek: Right? Who’s with me?Fiona: Wow, (chuckles a bit) I guess I must have kicked him harder than I thought.The ogres in the resistance laughed a bit.Shrek: Fiona, I need to…But she held his hand up, as a lookout ogre was perched on a lookout, making "caw" sounds.Fiona: Witches! All right, everyone, you know the drill!She and the other ogres (except Shrek) went to their battle stations.Shrek: Fiona!Donkey: Witches! Oh, no! Witches! Witches!Shrek grabbed Donkey and the sticks he was still attached to.Shrek: Come on, now.Some of the ogres cut some ropes, closing up the big holes some ogres hid in just in time, and dropping sand bags on fires, putting them out. The weapons were placed in a net which was hoisted upwards, and then a couple ogres hid in a hole underground, putting a cover over the hiding place. Some other ogres, wearing rocks and plants on their heads, held their breaths as they ducked down into some swamp water, and the remaining ogres (Fiona and Brogan included) with bush disguises gathered around the spot where Shrek was and crouched down. With that, every last ogre and the camp itself was completely hidden from sight. Shrek covered the whimpering Donkey's mouth, while the ogres looked up, and saw three of the witches flying up over the forest on their brooms. The lead witch glanced down at the forest, not finding any ogres or the camp, and gave a sneer. The witches then flew off, retreating to Rumpelstiltskin's castle. Once they were gone, the ogres came from their hiding place, murmuring while heading back to their posts.Brogan: Fiona, that’s the third patrol today. We can’t hide forever.Fiona: Trust me, Brogan. After tonight, we won’t have to.Shrek and Donkey just sat where they were.Donkey: That’s your wife?Shrek: That’s my wife.Donkey: Well, I see who wears the chain mail in your family!The ogre gave a weird look at the donkey.Back at Rumpelstiltskin's palace, the dictator, not wearing any wigs, was staring at the hour glass with the sands of Shrek's time running, and he gave a sigh.Rumpelstiltskin: Some people like to look at the goblet as--as half empty.He then turned to a table where some of his witches was sitting, and each had her own cupcake.Rumpelstiltskin: Me, I like to look at it as half full. We’ve gone from the bottom to the top, ladies, but we’re not just an empire, we’re a family. Everyone has got their cupcake? Cupcake? Cupcake? Good. Yes? (to one of the witches) Baba?The witch named Baba nodded.Rumpelstiltskin: Good.He then walked around the table as he continued.Rumpelstiltskin: Yeah, you know, we have put away a lot of ogres. And so one got away. Who cares? It’s not a big deal. It doesn’t matter to me.One of the witches who was eating her cupcake, nodded in agreement.Rumpelstiltskin: It’s not like it’s the end of the world.Then he came to the edge of the table, with the tone of his voice becoming a bit more sharp.Rumpelstiltskin: Except, funny thing...He motioned the witch he was near to help him upon top of the table and that's what she did, and the villain began to rant.Rumpelstiltskin: Now that I think about it, the ogre who got away is Shrek! (with frustration raising in his voice) And if he shares a kiss with Fiona by sunrise, it IS the end of the world! OUR world! MY EMPIRE!!Fifi, resting nearby, honked loudly. Then Rumpelstiltskin exhaled, calming down a bit, as he continued speaking more calmly, though his voice still had a hint of danger to it.Rumpelstiltskin: But, as I was saying, (takes pitcher of water and pours it into glass) I like to look at the goblet as half full.The witches gasped and whimpered in fear, knowing that he might use it to melt any one of them.Rumpelstiltskin: Yelling makes me so parched. Would anyone care for some water?He began to walk across the table and shove the glass of water in one of the panicked witches' faces.Rumpelstiltskin: Wet your whistle?She shook her head 'no' in fear as he slyly walked over to another panicked witch.Rumpelstiltskin: A clear, crisp, delicious glass...of aqua purificada?She nervously declined as well.Rumpelstiltskin: Anybody’s thirsty? Nobody’s thirsty? No? (puts pitcher down) Well, then does anyone care to tell me what it’s going to take to get this ogre?!He narrowed his eyes and pointed to Broomsy Witch.Rumpelstiltskin: You.Broomsy Witch: Faster brooms?Rumpelstiltskin: No!Hat Witch: (scared) Pointier hats?Rumpelstiltskin: No! (to another witch) You!Witch: Maybe we could hire a professional bounty hunter?He shouted and stomped his feet in frustration before splashing the water onto the witch, melting her like a certain other witch.Witch: (as she's melting) What a world! What a world!Soon, as the steam cleared and there was nothing left of that witch but a soggy pile of her clothes. Then, Rumpelstiltskin pondered at the suggestion.Rumpelstiltskin: You know, actually not a bad idea. (points to Baba) Baba!Baba jumped out of her chair in fear.Rumpelstiltskin: I need a bounty hunter. And if music doth soothe the savage beast…(chortles evilly a bit) then I think I might know just the person!He dipped his finger in the frosting of the cupcake and licked the frosting right off, giving a malicious grin.Back at the resistance camp, a meeting was being held inside a tree, with Shrek and Donkey, who was untied, looking from the outside through some holes in the trees. Shrek has gathered Brogan, Gretched, Cookie, and some other ogres to discuss a battle plan, which was set out on a rock table, with little model figures and everything.Fiona: Listen up, everyone. Word has come from Far Far Away. Stiltskin is leading tonight’s ogre hunt himself.The ogres started murmuring.Ogres: (randomly) He’s never done that before. What? Why?Donkey: I bet that’s because of us.Shrek: Shhh!Brogan: If that cupcake-eating clown finally leaves the safety of his filthy witch nest, he’ll be vulnerable.Fiona: The plan’s simple.She starts moving a model of the carriage with a couple witches along a path, with the ogre models off to the side and Fiona's model on top of a cliff.Fiona: If they follow the usual patrol route, they’ll reach the river by midnight. We’ll be concealed along this road, waiting for his caravan. Once they reach the clearing, I’ll give the signal.Fiona pressed the top of her model's head, making its arm raise up a sword it had, which would be the signal.Fiona: And then we attack!He raised her actual dagger and used it to slide the ogre models toward the witch models, knocking the latter down and off the table.Fiona: And when the smoke clears…Then she noticed a model of Cookie with some sort of wagon.Fiona: Wait, what’s this?Cookie: That’s my chimichanga stand.Fiona: No, Cookie. We won’t be needing that.Cookie: Trust me, Fiona. Y’all gonna be really hungry after this ambush, okay?She only gave a small smirk, deciding to humor him.Cookie: Go ahead and finish your little speech.Fiona: All right, as I was saying, when the smoke clears, Rumpelstiltskin is gone and the chimichangas have been eaten. Far Far Away will finally be free.Brogan: And so will we.Fiona: Spread the word. We move out as soon as Rumpel leaves the palace.The other ogres chattered in agreement, while outside, Shrek and Donkey looked concerned.Donkey: Man, this is serious!Shrek: (slumps back) Tell me about it. How am I ever gonna get her to kiss me before sunrise?Donkey: Actually, I was talking about the revolution.Shrek: Revolution?He only gave a scoff.Donkey: Why don’t you just tell her what you told me? About how you’re her true love and you came from an alternate universe.Shrek: (sarcastically) Well, while I’m at it, why don’t I tell her that you’re married to a fire-breathing dragon and you have little, mutant donkey-dragon babies.Hearing this made the Donkey stunned and interested a bit.Donkey: I do?!Shrek: You saw what happened. She’s gonna think I’m crazy.Donkey: I’m a daddy?He then glanced at a frog nearby, getting a new idea.Shrek: You know what? If I got Fiona to kiss me once…He then blew the frog up like a balloon exactly like he did before.Shrek: Then I can do it again.Shrek started to head inside Fiona's tent. He peered his head inside.Donkey: Shrek, do my babies have hooves or talons?Shrek: Donkey! Hello? Fiona?He went inside with the frog balloon tied to a string attached to a small gift basket he had. He looked around, seeing a shield and weapons hung up, and a play tower/scratching post for cats. In fact, two familiar cat eyes appeared in the hole.Puss's Voice: You should not be here, senior.Shrek: Puss?Suddenly, Puss's lower half started squeezing out, only something was different about it: it was bigger and more round. The cat grunted and squeezed out of the hole, finally revealing what he looked like in this world: a tubby orange cat, currently wearing nothing but a bow around his neck.Shrek: (frowns) You’ve gotta be kidding me.The orange cat slid down the scratching post very slowly and plopped onto a purple pillow at the foot of the tower. He struggled a bit to get up, but he eventually sat up and gave his usual glare towards foes.Puss: Feed me, if you dare.Shrek: (sets basket down) Puss, what happened to you? You got so fa…The orange cat glared, knowing he was about to say the obvious word.Shrek: Fa…fancy.Puss: Do I know you?Shrek: Well, where’s your hat? Where’s your belt? Your wee little boots?Puss: (gets off pillow) Boots? For a cat? Ha!He groaned while getting up and staggering toward some cream bottles and a bowl.Shrek: But you’re Puss in Boots.Puss: (pops lid off bottle)  Maybe once, but that is a name I have outgrown.Shrek: That’s not the only thing you’ve outgrown.Puss:(  pours cream into bowl and sets the bottle down ) Hey! I may have let myself go a little since retirement, but hanging up my sword was the best decision of my life. I have all the cream I can drink and all the mice I can chase.A mouse appeared, licking from the bowl and the cat glanced at it.Puss: Eh, I’ll get him later.He licked from the bowl, which he was apparently sharing with the mouse. Shrek put his hands on the sides of his head in dismay.Shrek: Puss, what have I done to you? You’ve gone soft.The orange cat went back to his pillow.Puss: (yawns) Well, I do get brushed twice a day.He laid back in relaxation.Shrek: Look, it’s not too late to fix it. All you have to do is help me get a kiss from Fiona.At this time, Fiona came back and was not happy to see Shrek inside her tent without permission.Fiona: What are you doing?Shrek: (turns around) Hey!Fiona: Can I help you with something?Shrek: Well, I know how stressful mounting a rebellion can be, rallying the troops, planning attacks and all that, so I brought you a little something to ease the tension.He held up the gift basket, but she didn't seem impressed.Fiona: A gift basket?Shrek: You’re welcome. So let’s see what you got.He then got out each different gift from the basket.Shrek: Heart-shaped box of slugs. A skunk-scented candle.He sniffed the candle.Shrek: Mmm.Fiona: Look, this really isn’t the…Shrek: What’s this? (holds out a homemade coupon book) Coupons! Let’s see, "Good for one free foot massage." "A mud facial!" Oh, and here’s one.He came to one that had a childish drawing of his face on it.Shrek: "Good for one free kiss." Let’s cash it now.Fiona: Look, I don’t know what this is all about, but I’m trying to run a revolution. So unless you have Rumpelstiltskin’s head in there, I suggest you take your gift basket, get out of my tent and go make yourself useful! Wow.Shrek: Wow. You’re right. I am sorry. I was just trying to be friendly. (holds out hand) No hard feelings?Fiona decided to shake his hand.Shrek: An apologetic hug?The two hugged.Shrek: And a quick kiss goodbye.Fiona: Hey!She quickly stopped him, grabbed his arm and placed it behind his back, forcing him to leave.Shrek: Wait! Is that mistletoe I see?He was then thrown out of the tent on his back before Donkey came to him with a grin.Donkey: Hey, Shrek! Are my babies cute, or do they make people feel uncomfortable?Back inside the tent,Fiona: Where’d we find that guy?Puss, meanwhile, looked at his own reflection in the shield, and thought about the little talk between him and Shrek.Puss: Could it be true? Have the years of prim and pampery made me soft?Fiona then got out a comb and crush.Fiona: Don’t be silly. Now who’s a pretty kitty?Puss: (gives cute pose) I am.Back at the palace, the three pigs were busy taking care of Fifi, and they were disgusted with doing so. Heimlich was in charge of scrubbing the goose's teeth (yes, goose don't normally have teeth, but this one does apparently), Horst was in charge of trimming her toenails, and Dieter was in charge of scrubbing her with a big soap brush and he plunged the brush into the suds bowl in annoyance. Rumpelstiltskin came over to his giant pet and cuddled her by the head.Rumpelstiltskin: Daddy thinks you look real nice, Fifi.He carressed her a bit, as she honked.Rumpelstiltskin: Honk.He then turned to the pigs with a scowl.Rumpelstiltskin: All right, Piggies, be gone! Don’t forget to take her little potty box with you.Dieter and Heimlich then carried the potty box away in disgust, with Horst following and spraying some perfume to drown any odors. Fifi then snipped Horst in the curly tail, making him yelp.Horst: (whines) This little piggy wants to go home!When the pigs were gone, a witch named Griselda came running in.Griselda: Mr. Stiltskin! He’s here.Rumpelstiltskin sat back on his throne with a couple other witches at his side.Rumpelstiltskin: Nice.The bounty hunter then came in through the doors, playing a flute, and he was approaching the throne, but not using his arms and legs to do so. Instead, he used a magic flute to make a small pack of mice carrying him all the way on their backs. Once the bounty hunter was revealed in front of the dictator and witches, the mice scampered off. He was in fact the Pied Piper.Rumpelstiltskin: Pied Piper. How was your commute?Instead of speaking, the piper communicated by playing a few notes.Rumpelstiltskin: Good.Griselda: (scoffs) You call this guy a bounty hunter? What’s he gonna do, (motions flute playing) flute those ogres a lullaby?She and the other three witches chortled, while Rumpelstiltskin gave a nod to the piper, who nodded back, and then he turned the setting on the end of his flute from mouse to duck to witch. He then started playing a new song on the flute while beatboxing, and to the surprise of the witches, Griselda's arms began moving by themselves. Then she yelped as she started involuntarily breakdancing to the song, which is "Sure Shot" by the Beastie Boys, and the other two witches involuntarily got up and started dancing against their will as well, yelling in alarm.Griselda: OK, got it! Make it stop!Rumpelstiltskin just laughed at this, enjoying it. The dancing and song lasted for a bit, before the dictator got up, waving his arms.Rumpelstiltskin: All right, that’s enough.With that, the witches' dancing halted, ending with involuntary dancer poses as the three panted, and the piper ended his tune. Rumpelstiltskin gave an evil look.Rumpelstiltskin: Looks like it’s time to pay the piper.The witches still stood where they were.Rumpelstiltskin: Griselda, seriously, it’s time to pay the piper. Now go get my checkbook!The two witches left and Griselda got up to get the checkbook, but the impatient Rumpelstiltskin kicked her rear.Rumpelstiltskin: Go! Move! Get out! Things are getting real sloppy around here!The piper then switched the setting from witch to unicorn to his commissioned setting: ogre.Back at the resistance camp, Shrek had been put to kitchen duties by Cookie. He was now wearing a hair net (despite the fact he had no hair) and a smock. Cookie handed Shrek a bowl of the usual food ogres eat.Cookie: Here, now make sure they eat up! You can’t end tyranny on an empty stomach! (pushes Shrek out) Go on! (smacks him in the rear) Go!So Shrek went to the other dining ogres as Cookie called out to them.Cookie: Din-din!The ogres cheered, ready for some grub. Shrek poured some eyeballs into one ogre's bowl. One other ogre slurped up a snake like a spaghetti noodle, another ate cockroaches and onions straight off a shish kabob stick, another chomped into a worm burger (with some remaining roaches scattering all over him), and one more ogre slurped up a whole string of snails attached together. Donkey was at one of the tables with the ogres, surprisingly not as dinner but as a guest.Ogre #5: Come on, Donkey. One more time, please?Donkey: All right, but this is the last time.Shrek stopped just to take a glance at what Donkey was doing. Donkey dunked his snout into a bowl of eyeballs.Brogan: Here it comes. Look at him.He raised his head back up, closed his eyes and then let out a snort, causing two eyeballs (the ones from the bowl, not his own) to pop out of his nostrils. Shrek yelped in surprise and disgust, but the other ogres, on the other hand, all laughed heartily because they found the trick hilarious.Donkey: I see you! (wags his tongue) Ah la la la la!The ogres (minus Shrek) continued laughing hysterically.Donkey: (singing) These eyes have seen a lot of loves But they're never gonna see another one like I had with youBrogan then spoke to Shrek.Brogan: That’s quite a friend you’ve got there. I can see why you haven’t eaten him.Donkey: (wags his tongue again) Ah la la la la!Shrek chose this time to set down next to Donkey.Shrek: Donkey! (as Donkey opens his real eyes) I hate to pull you away from your adoring public, but I’m not getting anywhere with Fiona.Shrek then pulled the trick eyeballs out of Donkey's nostrils.Shrek: I need your help!Cookie: Hey, everybody. Who wants dessert?Shrek saw that Cookie had one of his gifts for Fiona and threw it onto the table. The ogres were eager for it as they chattered each wanting a piece of it, they took everything, from the lid to the slugs inside. They even eagerly ripped the box itself, leaving nothing but the heart-shaped base at the bottom, which was ripped in half, looking ironically like a broken heart, to Shrek's dismay.Ogre #3: Where’d you get these?Cookie: Fiona’s garbage. Just another gift from some clueless lover boy.The ogres (minus Shrek) all laughed, and even Donkey couldn't help but giggle.Donkey: That’s a good one, Cookie!Then he got a glare from Shrek, making him stop giggling.Ogre #3: Anyone who knows Fiona knows this stuff ain’t gonna work on her.Gretched: (takes one of the slugs and eats it) Works on me.The resistance ogres laughed a bit some more.Shrek: Donkey, what am I gonna do? It’s like I don’t even know her.Donkey: You in trouble, Romeo. The only thing Fiona cares about is her cause.Brogan: (raises fist) To the cause!Ogres (minus Shrek): (raising their fists) To the cause!They cheered a bit, before continuing their eating.Donkey: All right!Then Shrek had an epiphany, knowing the only way he could possibly get close to this world's Fiona in order to save himself.In Fiona's tent, the resistance leader herself was practicing witch-striking while blindfolded, waiting for any witches to strike. A cardboard witch dummy popped up from a corner and she threw a spinning axe at it, directly chopping through the dummy's head. Then another witch dummy came sliding down a pulley, and the blindfolded Fiona chucked another axe at it, directly hitting it and cutting it in half. Then she heard the sound of a dummy of a witch on a cage wagon creeping in the distance, as well as another dummy witch popping up in front. She used her foot to spring a spear up off the ground, take the spear and throw it like a javelin at the dummy, knocking it off and hitting the witch-on-cage dummy as well. The spear sent both dummies smack dab onto a tree. Shrek then appeared, wearing a helmet and iron bracelets around his wrists.Shrek: Hello!She sprung her axe and got ready to swing it, and as it got near Shrek's head, he screamed a bit. Fiona lifted her blindfold to see who it was.Shrek: (smirks) Nice moves.Fiona: (removes her blindfold) What are you doing?Shrek: What does it look like? I’m getting ready for ambush action. Oh, yeah. I always like to quad my lutes and do some scrunches before an operational…op.He picked out a spiky tool from a nearby weapon bucket.Shrek: This one taken?Fiona: We use that to clean the toilets.He got out another weapon.Fiona: And we use that one to clean the thing we clean the toilets with.Shrek: I knew that.He then got out an axe.Fiona: There you go, chief.Then, to the ogre's surprise, the axe was part mace. He chuckled a bit, swinging it around before the axe part snapped off the chain and spun towards a witch dummy, landing smackdab in the head's center. He chuckled a bit again, impressed by the accidentally successful hit, but then when he leaned on the weapon bucket, he knocked it over. He tried picking it up, but he ended up knocking some witch dummies and more stuff over, yelping in the progress. The noises woke up Puss, who was sleeping on an upper ledge.Fiona: Hey, uh, Scott?Shrek: My name is Shrek, actually.Fiona: You’re going to get yourself killed at the ambush tonight.Shrek: (gets up) I’ll be fine. I think I can take care of myself.Then, without warning, she threw a shield against him as a song began to play.Fiona: (smirks) Well, let’s see about that.She then started to assault him with a huge hammer, which he used his shield to block. This was some type of training.Shrek: Hey!Golden leaves looked brown to meShe continued trying to hit him as he blocked her with the shield.Shrek: Hey, hey! What the…?The world had less color without youHe then spotted a spiky club lying on the ground. He took it used it to attack Fiona back, hitting her shield hard and sending her down. She blocked herself, and it appeared that she was whimpering, to Shrek's concern.Shrek: Fiona?Of course, she was faking it as she got back up and smacked Shrek with her weapon.Fiona: Ha-ha!Shapes in the sky look plain to my eyesThe two ogres then started attacking/blocking each other for a few moments, until Fiona kicked Shrek to the wall, hitting a dummy with a gourd for a head.The world had less color without youShrek got back up and hit Fiona's shield with his axe, then Fiona hit Shrek with a big log, which he blocked with his shield. Then Shrek grabbed a huge mace to strike Fiona with, which she blocked. Shrek was enjoying this practice, but then his eyes widened upon seeing Fiona with a huge uprooted tree. She whacked Shrek, sending him down, and both ogres laughed.Without youShrek got out and the next thing you know, both ogres started punching each other.I know plenty of people with eyes closedThey kept on punching until Shrek stopped Fiona's fists, with the two breathing as they looked at each other. Puss was still watching and gave an amazed look at the chemistry between the ogres.They don't see you like I do Darling I doThen one of the bracelets fell off Shrek's wrist.Fiona: I got it.She picked it up.Fiona: Give me your hand.He gave her his hand and she started to retie it onto his wrist.Fiona: The dragon goes under the bridge, through the loop and finally...Shrek: Into the castle.Fiona was surprised to find that Shrek knew the same tying rhyme as she did, and the two then gazed at each other.I do Darling I do Darling I doPuss: Wow.See youThen Fiona shook the feeling out of her.Fiona: OK. Good. It seems like you can handle yourself.Shrek: But, Fiona--Fiona: Now go get ready for the mission!Shrek: I will, but Fiona…Fiona: That’s an order!She headed off to get ready herself, and Shrek tried to speak out, but didn't know what to say, and looked down, for he had once again failed to get a kiss from her. So as all ogres began preparing all their weapons, Shrek just walked through the camp dejectedly.Brogan: All right, let's get those axes sharpened and weapons packed! Preparation is half the battle!Then, Puss began running after the dejected ogre, breathing heavily.Puss: Ogre! Un momento! Un momento! (pants) Ogre, ogre, un momento! Just give me a minute.Shrek: Look, Puss, I'm a little pressed for time.Puss: I am not believing what I have just witnessed. Back there, you and Fiona. There was a spark, a spark inside her heart I thought was long extinguished. It was as if, for one moment, Fiona had actually found her true love!Shrek: I AM her true love. I ended her curse.Hearing that surprised Puss.Puss: You know of her curse?Shrek: By day, one way, by night another.(Flashback)We see a flashback of Fiona, in her human form, in the tower, shedding some tears as the sun was going down. She then laid down, and in a flash, she magically transformed into her ogre form, as part of the spell, and she lay there sorrowfully.Shrek's Voice: This shall be the norm. Until you find true love's first kiss, and then take love's true form.(End of Flashback)Puss gasped, stunned at the words Shrek said.Puss: You even know the little rhyme! It is true! You are the one! You must prove it to her!Shrek: How?Puss: Convince her! Go to her when she is alone and tell her something that only her true love would know.Then Donkey just popped up out of nowhere.Donkey: Know about what?!The fat orange cat screeched from being startled, and hissed at the donkey.Donkey: Whoa! That's a whole lot of kitty! Shrek, can we keep him?At Rumpelstiltskin's castle, the gate opened with some of the witches coming out, holding lanterns, followed by the carriage pulled by Fifi. At this time, Fiona was leading the ogres, all clad in armor, through the forest to be ready for the ambush. Shrek was trying to make his way through the ogre army though.Shrek: Excuse me. Coming through! Pardon me, guys! Watch your back.Bringing up the rear, Puss, riding a small cart pulled by Donkey, spotted Cookie's chimichanga cart up ahead.Puss: Look, Donkey, the chimichanga cart! Quick! (bouncing on Donkey's back) Andale! After him, burro! Donkey, vmonos!Donkey: (annoyed) Man, you are a cat-astrophe!Puss: And you are ri-donkey-lous!Then both shortly paused before they bursted out laughing, not helping but finding both their puns funny. Then once the army came to the edge of the forest, Fiona signaled them to stop.Fiona: I'll scout ahead. Wait for my signal.She went up ahead, and the other ogres, except Shrek obviously, went to take positions to hide. Fiona saw a nearby hanging tree branch, grabbed it and swung over it, landing on a higher hill.Brogan: Secure your positions!The ogres then climbed up some trees, and others donned disguises of bushes and rocks, taking their hiding positions. Fiona then came to the top of a slope where the carriage should be arriving. Shrek then appeared right beside her.Shrek: It's quite a view from up here.Fiona: What are you doing?! Get back in position!Shrek: You need to know, once and for all, who I really am.Fiona: You are going to ruin everything!Shrek: Ruin everything? Actually, I'm gonna fix everything: the ogres, Rumpel, your curse.Her eyes widened in shock, before she pulled out her dagger and held it closely towards Shrek's chin.Fiona: How do you know about my curse?!Shrek: OK, OK, please, Fiona. Just hear me out. I can explain everything.Meanwhile, because of Shrek distracting her, neither of the two saw the carriage and witches, who were flying on their broomsticks, arriving this way. The ogres were still awaiting Fiona's signal.Brogan: Where's Fiona's signal?Gretched: What's she waiting for?Cookie: He's going to get away!Brogan: No, he's not.He then gave a signal to one of the ogres in one of the trees. That ogre nodded, pulling the rope, which two of the witches flew into, knocking them off their brooms. The ogre army then yelled as they charged at the carriage, taking down some more witches along the way, and then ripping the carriage apart, chunk by chunk. However, to their surprise and confusion, Rumpelstiltskin was not there. Then Fifi, who looked more wooden than real, let out a flute-like squeak rather than a honk, to the ogres' notice. Then they saw "Fifi" come apart, revealing to be the Pied Piper in a wooden Fifi disguise. He whipped out his flute halves, placing them together, and beginning to play it.Back with Shrek and Fiona, the latter threw the former down, threatening him with the dagger.Fiona: Listen, I don't know who you are or how you know about my curse, but if any of these ogres find out I'm...Shrek: A beautiful princess?Fiona: That is not who I am! Not anymore.Shrek: Look, I know you're upset.Fiona: You don't know anything about me.Shrek: I know everything about you. I know you sing so beautifully that birds explode.Fiona: Big deal.Shrek: I know that when you sign your name, you put a heart over the "I".Fiona: So what?Shrek: I know that when you see a shooting star, you cross your fingers on both hands, squinch up your nose and you make a wish.Hearing that, her expression of anger faded away as she let him go. He got up as he continued.Shrek: I know that you don't like the covers wrapped around your feet, and I know that you sleep by candlelight because every time you close your eyes...you're afraid you're gonna wake up back in that tower.Fiona was amazed that he actually knew her more than she thought, and he looked at her tenderly.Shrek: But, most importantly, Fiona...I know that the reason you turn human every day is because you've never been kissed....well...by me.The two then joined hands together, and suddenly, from the distance, flute music was heard, and suddenly, Fiona grabbed the yelping Shrek, dipping him like in a dance.Shrek: You move fast.Fiona: It's not me doing the moving.Then the two involuntarily got back up, holding their arms out. As the music picked up, the two held each others' hands and started dancing away from the hill.Fiona: Why is this happening?!Shrek: Love?Fiona: No, I'm being forced to dance!Shrek: By love!Fiona: No, I can't stop myself!Where the rest of the ogres were, they all began dancing unwillingly, as the Piper was playing a flute-beatbox version of "Shake Your Groove Thing" by Peaches & Herb. Brogan was panicking as he continued dancing under the flute's power.Brogan: Please! Make it stop! I can't control myself!Cookie, on the other hand, was getting jiggy with the dance spell.Cookie: Ooh yeah! Cookie's bringing the heat out of the kitchen!He put his hand to his side, making a sizzle sound. Shrek and Fiona danced near the ogre army, and ended up in the center of them, with Fiona spotting the Piper.Fiona: Oh, no! It's the Piper! I can't believe I let this happen, and it's all because of you!Shrek: If you'd just let me kiss you!Fiona: What? You're insane!Then Shrek involuntarily picked up Fiona in his arms and tossed her the air, with the ogres unwillingly tossing their shields up, giving some sort of atmosphere with Fiona in the air. Fiona then landed back down in Shrek's arms, as all the ogres continued dancing in a line and pointing their fingers like in a disco dance, under the Piper's musical spell. Puss and Donkey, still unaffected by the spell (because the setting was only to ogre), saw this and Puss was concerned while Donkey was bobbing along to the flute-beatboxing.Puss: We must do something before they fandango themselves into oblivion!Donkey: What can we do?Puss: First, you must stop dancing!Donkey: When somebody tooties that fluty, I got to shake my booty!Puss: Then it's up to me!He got out his claws and clawed Donkey's rear, making him scream and neigh like a horse, oddly enough for some reason, as he began racing down the hill and toward the line of dancing ogres. Donkey knocked Shrek and Fiona out of the line and onto the cart, racing away. Despite them being away from the Piper, the two ogres still pointed their fingers out like in a disco dance.Puss: Hurry! We must get them away from the music!Donkey: Puss and Donkey to the rescue! We saved the day!Of course, he spoke too soon, as he didn't look to see they were heading for a chasm, and he didn't stop at the edge in time, resulting in the four to be sent falling into the chasm, screaming, before splashing into the water below.A bit later, the four managed to reach dry land, recovering from the crash and splash. Shrek tried to fit one of the bracelets back on one his wrists, and it did because it didn't rust when hitting the water. Fiona just sighed in annoyance however. Puss tried to lick himself clean, but due to his ball-like girth, he could not reach his back half. He then turned to the drenched donkey, who was licking himself.Puss: Donkey, can I borrow your tongue?Donkey: (stops licking himself) Say what?! Nuh-uh! No. Hell...The orange fat cat started doing his 'big eyes' trick.Donkey: I don't care how big your eyes get, player, it's not going down.His eyes grew even bigger, until the groaning Donkey finally gave in.Donkey: (in defeat) All right!Donkey took a deep breath and stuck his tongue out, ready to lick the cat, though he was disgusted to do so.Shrek: Stop!He saw Fiona heading up the path to a bridge and holding the lantern, with Shrek following.Shrek: Where are you going?Fiona: To save my friends.Shrek: How? By getting yourself killed?Fiona: If that's what it takes.Shrek: Puss, say something.Fiona: (turns) Puss?Puss: (stammers) Let me explain.Fiona: That's how you knew so much about me.She continued to storm away and cross the bridge above.Shrek: (hops onto the bridge) Fiona, wait! Kiss me.Fiona: What?Shrek: It's the only way to save your friends.Fiona: (shoves him) Get out of my way.Shrek: You used to believe that a single kiss could solve everything!The female ogre then stopped in her tracks and turned, thinking that he would not be able to take a hint any other way. So he went up towards him, grabbed him and gave him a kiss, and the night background changed to a glowing background of yellow, and for a minute, it looked like everything would revert to normal, but alas, it did not. When the kiss ended and Shrek opened his eyes, everything about the alternate world was all as it was, including Fiona, frowning bitterly as she wiped her lip. Even Puss and Donkey were puzzled at how everything was the same.Shrek: I don't understand. This doesn't make any sense. True love's kiss was supposed to fix everything!Fiona: Yeah, you know, that's what they told me, too. True love didn't get me out of that tower. I did. I saved myself. Don't you get it? It's all just a big fairy tale.Shrek: Fiona, don't say that. It does exist!Fiona: How would you know? Did you grow up locked away in a dragon's keep? Did you live all alone in a miserable tower? Did you cry yourself to sleep every night, waiting for a true love that never came?!Shrek: But...but I'M your true love.Fiona: Then where were you when I needed you?She then picked up her lantern, leaving the three alone on the bridge, to rescue her friends herself. Shrek just stood there, completely heartbroken, knowing now that all his chances of ever getting a kiss from Fiona and saving his own life are gone.Donkey: Maybe you kissed her wrong?Shrek: (sadly) No. The kiss didn't work...because Fiona doesn't love me.Inside the castle, all the ogres were yelling as they were now in cages dangling from the ceiling.Brogan: Don't despair, fellow ogres! They can put us in cages, but they can't cage our honour!Down below, the Piper was flute-speaking frantically to Rumpelstiltskin, explaining the situation, and the villain was furious.Rumpelstiltskin: (furiously) SHREK AND FIONA ARE TOGETHER?!He frantically flute-spoke some more.Rumpelstiltskin: Yeah, I've heard enough of your (stomping his feet in rage) toot-a-lee-toots! YOU BLEW IT!He then turned to Wolf.Rumpelstiltskin: Wolfie! My speech wig. (to Baba) Baba!She squeaked, stammered and stood up straight.Rumpelstiltskin: Ready my makeup. (to the Piper) And Piper, pull my socks up.He set the setting to socks and played his flute so Rumpelstiltskin's socks could be slithered up his legs tight like magic.Rumpelstiltskin: Wee tight.Then, somewhere in a market place, the Magic Mirror's face appeared in a mirror hanging in a shop (along with other mirrors pretty much anywhere in the kingdom).Magic Mirror: Attention, citizens.Some citizens, including the Muffin Man and one of the dwarves, who was digging in a trash barrell for scraps, turned their attention to the mirror in the shop.Magic Mirror: Please stay tuned for a message from our tyrannical dictator!The mirror's face disappeared and then there stood Rumpelstiltskin, in another powdered wig, in front of a beachside sunset background.Rumpelstiltskin: (speaking gentle-like) Hello, people. (doing a curtsey) It is I, Rumpelstiltskin...shepherd of your dreams.We then see him in a fake fern field, helping a little bird (which was also fake, obviously) fly away. When watching this, one citizen coughed. Next, Rumpelstiltskin slid backwards down a rainbow while on his back.Rumpelstiltskin: Recently, a certain somebody has jeopardized our joyous lives.The scenery changed to a fiery background.Rumpelstiltskin: (angrily) And that somebody is the rat-munching ogre called Shrek!On mentioning the name, a picture of Shrek with Donkey appeared right next to him. Then, the scene changed to a scenery of angels behind him.Rumpelstiltskin: (calmly again) That is why I come to you, dear citizens. For whomever brings me this ogre, shall receive the deal of a lifetime.He waved his hands, and a contract labeled "Deal of a Lifetime" appeared in front of him. Then, as "Orinoco Flow" by Enya played in the background, Rumpelstiltskin appeared on top of a mountain.Rumpelstiltskin: Just think of it! Total and complete happiness.Since this message appeared on all magic mirrors, it even appeared on a mirror that the three pigs, with the potty box, broom, and soap tub, were nearby, happened to see this as well. Even the Wolf, pushing the wig cart, saw this. The four were more than interested in getting the deal and not having to put up with Rumpelstiltskin anymore.Heimlich: Ja!We now see the dictator's head spinning with gold coins raining in the background.Rumpelstiltskin: Dazzling, radiant fulfilment! All your greatest wishes.Gingy and his animal crackers saw this on the mirror, and the gingerbread man was interested as well.Gingy: (breaks his candy cane in half) Yeah!The deal maker appeared, sitting on a goose's back, next to a beachside.Rumpelstiltskin: Your wildest dreams.Next, he was in front of a painting of his castle with fireworks shooting.Rumpelstiltskin: Anything you could ever want! No strings attached!Pinocchio, who was tangled upside-down in ropes and sleeping, heard this commercial and was interested as well.Pinocchio: Ooooh.Then, the dictator appeared next to a big hourglass.Rumpelstiltskin: But hurry, this is a limited time offer.The final scenery we see is Rumpelstiltskin's angry face in front of a painting of a burning city.Rumpelstiltskin: So light your torches, sharpen your pitchforks and get your mob on!The message got through to all citizens of Far Far Away as they all got their pitchforks and torches and began storming through the kingdom to hunt down Shrek, capture him and get their reward.Mob: Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!Mob Member: Go back where you came from!The mob passed a brick wall. If they had stayed a little longer, they would have seen Shrek, Donkey, and Puss come out of hiding.Puss: It seems that we are safe.Donkey: Yeah, it looks a lot less pitchforky and torchy out there. Let's go.Shrek: What's the point? The kiss didn't work. It's over.Donkey: Look, Shrek, I know things might seem a little bleak right now, but things always work themselves out in the end, you'll see.The ogre slapped his forehead.Donkey: I bet by this time tomorrow...He couldn't hold it in any longer, so he finally started to shout.Shrek: Don't you understand? There is no tomorrow. There's no day after that, and there's no day after THAT day after that! My life was perfect and I'm never going to get it back!Donkey: If your life was so perfect, why'd you sign it away to Rumpelstiltskin?Shrek: Because I didn't know what I had until it was gone! All right?He sighed sadly.Shrek: I didn't know what I had.He looked like he was about to cry, but then he felt something and heard tiny shouting. He looked down and saw Gingy hitting and attacking his feet with his lollipop.Gingy: Ha! Chah! Surrender now! I'm taking you in!Of course, Shrek was not affected by this at all. He just stood there with a dry look as Gingy kept attacking and shouting.Gingy: Don't try to fight it, ogre! The reward is mine!Shrek: Gingy?He picked the gingerbread man up.Gingy: You unhand me, green devil!Shrek: What are you doing?Gingy: Collecting my bounty!Puss: Bounty?Donkey: What are you talking about, cracker?Gingy: Rumpelstiltskin promised the deal of a lifetime for whoever could bring you in.Shrek: Deal of a lifetime?Gingy: (down) Where all your wishes come true.The ogre pondered this for a bit.Shrek: Wait a minute. (grins) I can still fix this.Donkey: Now, how you gonna do that?He then set Gingy down.Shrek: You know what? I'm gonna give Rumpelstiltskin exactly what he wants. (turns to Gingy) OK, Gingy, tell me about this...But to his surprise, there were only crumbs and a gumdrop button on the ground. He looked and saw Puss eating something, and it was apparently Gingy. The cat noticed the ogre looking at him, and gave a sheepish look.Puss: Were you going to eat that?Inside the castle, the citizens came with prisoners of theirs, and none of them were Shrek, as the dictator pointed out while pacing and inspecting each one. One citizen even brought in a bag of flour with a scary green face painted on it.Rumpelstiltskin: Not Shrek! That is not Shrek! Also not Shrek!He then saw Butter Pants and his father with a big green creature they captured.Rumpelstiltskin: That's not even an ogre, it is a troll! Nice try. (sees next one) And that...What he saw was Wolf wearing a Shrek head over his own, claiming to be captured by the pigs.Wolf: (dryly) Roar.Rumpelstiltskin: ...is just sad.He then spotted Pinocchio with his father, dressed in Shrek's clothes and fake ogre ears, with his face painted green and hands tied by a rope that the puppet was holding.Rumpelstiltskin: And what is that supposed to be?Gepetto: I'm just a frightened old man.Pinocchio: Don't listen to him! These ogres are crafty!Rumpelstiltskin: That is your father painted green.Pinocchio: No, it's Shrek! Honest!Then his nose grew and hit Rumpelstiltskin in the face, making the deal maker shout in pain as he swatted it out of his face.Rumpelstiltskin: (to a witch) Take them away!The frustrated villain then went to his table.Rumpelstiltskin: Can no one bring me Shrek?! Where is he? How hard can it be?!He angrily pounded on his table like a two-year-old.Rumpelstiltskin: I WANT HIM! I WANT HIM! I WANT HIM!Then the door of the throne room slammed open, and the ogre he wants is there.Shrek: Stiltskin!Rumpelstiltskin jumped up and looked back, seeing Shrek wander through the aisles.Shrek: I hear you're looking for me.Rumpelstiltskin: All right! Finally! (calls out and looks around) Who turned him in? Who gets the deal of a lifetime?Shrek: I do.He took the 'deal of a lifetime' contract out of Rumpelstiltskin's hand.Rumpelstiltskin: What? But--Shrek: If I'm turning myself in, I get the deal of a lifetime.He plucked a feather from Fifi and dipped in the magic ink jar.Shrek: That means you have to give me anything I want.The scared villain leaped onto the table, stopping him signing it.Rumpelstiltskin: No, no, no! Only true love's kiss can break your contract! So if you thought you were just gonna (mimicks walking) doot-doot-doot in here and get your life back--Shrek: I'm not here to get my life back.Rumpelstiltskin: (with a glare) Then what DO you want?Outside the castle, Donkey and Puss awaited before all ogres of the resistance magically appeared, one by one, an dropped from the sky. Donkey saw Gretched falling towards where Puss was, so he used his teeth to pull the cat out of the way.Puss: The ogres. They are all free.Of course, Donkey noticed that not ALL of them were free.Donkey: But where is Shrek?They all went up to the gates, knowing Shrek was still inside.Puss: This is not good.Back in the throne room, the villagers have left, and Rumpelstiltskin was leading Shrek, who had his hands shackled, to a dungeon room, with four witches encircling the prisoner and pointing their brooms at him.Rumpelstiltskin: I don't know. Not much of a storybook ending. (mockingly) The noble Shrek turns himself in to save a bunch of filthy ogres.Shrek: All that matters is that they're free, and Fiona is safe.Rumpelstiltskin: Awww, I bet Fiona would be really touched to hear that, but, hey, I guess you can tell her yourself.He and the cackling witches turned to reveal Fiona, shackled as well, struggling to get out.Shrek: Fiona!Both ogres rushed to each other, but the weight of the shackles and chains held them back. They tried breaking free from them to no avail, and Rumpelstiltskin only cackled maniacally as he watched the two ogres struggle to reach each other in failed attempts to his pure wicked amusement.Shrek: Stiltskin, we had a deal! You agreed to free all ogres!Rumpelstiltskin: (uncaring tone) Oh, yeah. (slyly) But Fiona isn't all ogre, is she?He gave a smug, evil smirk. Shrek's face faltered as he looked over at Fiona worryingly.Rumpelstiltskin: By day, one way, by night, another. Blardy, blardy, blar. Ha ha!He skipped merrily out of the room in triumph.Rumpelstiltskin: (triumphantly) Nobody's smart but me!He and the laughing witches left the room, closing the doors and leaving the two prisoners alone. Shrek gave a solemn sad look.Fiona: That was a really brave thing you did, Shrek. Thank you.Shrek: No, you were right. I wasn't there for you. And not just at the Dragon's Keep, but...every day since.Fiona: Well...(gives a small sad smile) you're here now.Outside, Donkey was determined to get inside, but Gretched held him back by the tail.Donkey: Let go of me! I have got to save Shrek!Gretched: Don't be a fool, mule!Brogan: She's right. Rumpel's palace is locked up tighter than Old Mother Hubbard's Cupboard.Cookie: And that cupboard wasn't guarded by a whole bunch of mean, ugly, nasty witches.Of course, two witches guarding the palace from above, heard them.Palace Witch #1: Hey! We can hear you!Brogan: Sorry!Then the ogres, Donkey and Puss huddled.Puss: We must get into the palace.Donkey: Man, Shrek and me just busted out of that place!Brogan: But how?Donkey then saw a shield, and it gave him an idea.Donkey: The same way we're gonna bust in.The group huddled in closer together, with the two palace guard witches curious, wondering what they're talking about. A while later, Rumpelstiltskin, with his speech wig back on for some reason (though it looked untidy), walked back in the throne room, as a witch was hoisting up what appeared to be a new big decorative ball like the one from earlier.Rumpelstiltskin: Yay! My new pretty ball!He noticed that something about this ball was different than the previous one.Rumpelstiltskin: Didn't it look bigger in the catalogue? I guess it'll have to do.Once the witches got it up, some other witches poured magic glowing dust in their cauldrons, causing bright, glowing, blue and pink lights to appear. They pointed their cauldrons like spotlights at the big ball, which began reflecting the bright colorful lights off like a disco ball.Rumpelstiltskin: Witches, finally, the moment we've all been waiting for. The main event of the evening!The floors under him began shifting, revealing something. It was Shrek and Fiona still bound in shackles and chained to the walls, with a spotlight shining down on them.Rumpelstiltskin: I present Shrek and Fiona!The prisoners looked up, both glaring at Rumpelstiltskin and the horde of witches up above peering down at them, and the witches all booed and jeered the ogres.Rumpelstiltskin: And now, to put the past behind us once and for all, I give ya a princess's worst nightmare! Fiona's old flame, the keeper of the keep...As he continued speaking, Shrek and Fiona saw a gate in the dungeon opening up and a familiar red dragon stormed in.Rumpelstiltskin: Dragon!She let out a huge roar and then started breathing fire. She stomped about, getting ready to finish her prisoners as Rumpelstiltskin laughed heartlessly, enjoying the ogres' soon-to-be demise. Then suddenly he and the witches heard a familiar voice singing from out of nowhere.Donkey's Voice: (singing) Winter, spring, summer, or fallThey all gasped, looking up at the big ball, seeing Donkey at the top of it, singing.Donkey: (singing) All you got to do is call And I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeahDragon, who was nearing Shrek, turned her attention up to the ball.Shrek: Donkey?Donkey: And Puss!On cue, though very slowly, Puss slid down the rope holding the ball, and this time, he was wearing his hat, cape and boots.Puss: In Boots!He tap danced a bit on top of the ball, and then from inside it, a humming noise was heard, to the witches' and Rumpelstiltskin's concern.Rumpelstiltskin: What?They all looked around to see where the noise was coming from, and the new ball suddenly broke open like a pinata and all the resistance ogres began flying out of it, yelling. The whole thing turned out to be a Trojan horse reenactment with the ogres using their shields to make it convincing. All the witches screamed as the ogres chased after them with their clubs and weapons, ready to clobber them. Brogan leaped out towards where Rumpelstiltskin was, making the dictator scream as he ran for it. Brogan rose his club, ready to strike the villain, but one of the witches flew by on her broomstick, scooping up her master and taking him to the higher balcony, dropping him there. Rumpelstiltskin jumped onto the railing and looked down at the chaos in horror. Puss and Donkey meanwhile saw Dragon returning her attention to the ogres, snarling like mad and ready to attack again, but Puss then cut the rope of the platform he and Donkey were on, sending them falling and screaming, but they landed on Dragon's head, knocking her down for the count. Rumpelstiltskin, still watching, grumbled and growled.Rumpelstiltskin: Get them! Get them, witches!So the witches on the balcony got out their pumpkin bombs and chucked them down to where all the resistance ogres were. They luckily saw the pumpkins about to be thrown.Ogre: Incoming!They all took their shields and blocked themselves with them, with the exploding pumpkins bouncing off and not blowing up one single ogre. The woozy Donkey got up on his legs.Shrek: Donkey, woo her!Donkey: Woo who?Shrek: Your wife!Speaking of whom, Dragon growled as she stomped behind the fear-stricken Donkey. He timidly turned, screaming a bit. Then suddenly the lights changed to blue as Donkey's fearful expression changed to a smooth charmer expression, with the donkey trying his best to woo the reptile, who's look of anger began to fade, as if the charm was working. Donkey then gave a grin, and Dragon batted her eyelashes lovingly. At this time, a certain Lionel Richie song played.Hello Is it me you're looking for I can see it in your eyesThe two were about to kiss until Dragon's mouth opened wide around Donkey.Donkey: Uh oh.Then in one chomp, Donkey ended up in her mouth. Puss then leaped onto the dragon's spine, grabbed his sword and jabbed it right into the back, making the dragon roar and spit out Donkey, who was sent flying in the air.Donkey: Wahoo!He hitched a ride onto a passing witch's broomstick.Donkey: (calls out to Dragon) I'll call you! (to the witch) We're in love!Witch: Good for you.Back below, the dragon spotted the fat cat and just as she tried to eat him, he leaped out of the way, shouting in excitement. He rode her tail, which she swished around like mad, hitting a wall where Shrek was, and the ogre ducked in time. Then Dragon flicked the screeching fat cat off her tail, and Fiona caught him in her arms. Fiona gasped, knowing Dragon was coming for them, so she turned away, getting ready for the blow and Dragon exhaled the biggest breath of flame from her mouth. After she breathed it, she then saw that Fiona and Puss were no longer there, then she spotted the ogre being lifted up by the chains, thanks to Shrek pulling on the chains with his wrists, and Puss was holding onto Fiona's back.Shrek: Fiona, hold on! (to Dragon) Hey, you!He then got Dragon chasing after him as he continued pulling on the chains.Shrek: Whoa!Then Shrek and Fiona ended up swinging around on both chains all around the room, and each time they got near Dragon's mouth, she tried to eat them, only to miss. Then both ogres each reached a dangling cage. Shrek reached out his hand, and Fiona swung a bit, taking his hand. Back above, witches kept launching skull chains at the ogres, pulling them up, though no matter how many skull chains ensnared Brogan, he did his best to resist. He even grabbed some of the chains and tossed some of the witches who had them down. Then, on the balcony, the short villain saw chimichangas being fired at some of the witches near him.Rumpelstiltskin: Chimichangas?!Down below, Cookie was launching the aforementioned sticky foods from his cart/catapult.Cookie: Get 'em while they're hot!He even launched one at the witch that Donkey was riding with. When the witch was knocked down by the snack, Donkey was impressed. Below in the dungeon, Shrek and Fiona made it the top of the middle dangling cage. They looked down, waiting for Dragon to leap out at them, and when she did, that was their chance.Fiona: Jump!They both leaped onto the separate cages, while Dragon got her snout stuck in the middle cage. They looked at each other while holding their chains.Shrek: Now!They both leaped off the cages, and started swinging around Dragon like acrobats.Fiona: Woo-hoo!As Dragon kept struggling to get the cage off her muzzle, the two ogres began wrapping the chains around the reptile, starting with her tail.Shrek: The dragon goes under the bridge!Fiona: Through the loop!Shrek: And finally...They then both reached the center of the dragon's back, finishing trussing her in chains.Both: Into the castle!They both tugged on the chains, and Dragon, bound in them, was sent tumbling down. Then Shrek and Fiona looked at the battle still going on above. The witches were screaming as the ogres were getting the better of them.Palace Witch: Run!Some witches ran and flew off on their brooms, screaming. On the balcony, Rumpelstiltskin saw that ogres were closing in on both sides where he was, giving him nowhere to run. He then made for the balcony's railing as the ogres had him cornered. He turned back towards them.Rumpelstiltskin: Foo!With that, he leaped off backwards, to the ogres' shock. Then they were surprised further to see the short foe riding on Fifi, who was flying upwards so they could make their escape.Rumpelstiltskin: So long!He laughed tauntingly as Fifi headed for the skylight, as dawn was approaching, but then a skull chain had snagged Fifi's leg, and Shrek was the one who was holding the chain.Shrek: Ha ha ha!Fiona and Shrek grabbed hold of each other.Rumpelstiltskin: Come on, Fifi, go! Go!Fifi tried to keep flying, pulling Shrek and Fiona out of the dungeon.Rumpelstiltskin: Witches, close up the floor!The floor began closing up, but Shrek and Fiona were pulled out just in time. Fifi tried to keep flying even though it was harder with the chain around her leg.Rumpelstiltskin: (fussing) Come on, Fifi, go! Flappity flap! Come on, go! Fly away! Up, up! Go!The smirking Shrek pulled the chain, causing Rumpelstiltskin to loose his grip on his goose, as he was sent falling and screaming.Rumpelstiltskin: Fifi, no!His fall was stopped when a glaring Fiona caught him, making him give a scared sound. Fiona then held up the short man like a trophy.Fiona: Victory is ours!All the ogres shouted and cheered in triumph, while raising their weapons. Donkey then started tapping his hooves with Puss doing a little victory tap dance, until at the end when the top of his boots began to split, to the fat cat's embarassment. Cookie then carried off the worried and defeated villain in his arm, as he and Brogan gave smirks towards him.Brogan: Looks like we're having curly-toed weirdo for breakfast.When all was settled, Fiona and Shrek looked to each other.Fiona: Hey, we make a pretty good team.Shrek: You have no idea.The two then looked at each other, staying silent for a moment, but then Shrek noticed something serious. His hand was started to give a bright yellow glow, making him gasp. He saw that morning was starting to happen, so that meant he was beginning to fade away. His legs also started glowing as he fell down.Fiona: Shrek?She held him up. They saw the magic hourglass of Shrek's life was almost out of sand, to Rumpelstiltskin's delight.Rumpelstiltskin: His day is up. His day is...!But Cookie squeezed him, making the villain gag.Fiona: Shrek?Shrek: It's all right.The ogres, Donkey and Puss watched on sadly.Fiona: There has to be something I can do.Shrek: You've already done everything for me, Fiona. You gave me a home and a family.Fiona: You have kids?Shrek: We have kids. Fergus, Farkle and a little girl named...Both: Felicia.Fiona: I always wanted to have a daughter named Felicia.Shrek: And someday...The fading ogre then dug in his pocket and pulled out the squeaky toy belonging to their daughter.Shrek: ...you will.He handed it to her, and she looked at it sadly, before looking back towards him.Shrek: You know what the best part of today was? I got the chance to fall in love with you all over again.Tears began to form from Fiona's eyes as she leaned her head towards Shrek's face. The hour glass emptied and the light began to glow brightly all around Shrek's body as Fiona kissed him deeply, and then Shrek began to fade away into nothing but sparkles of golden dust that also began to fade away as Fiona held him. It seemed Shrek was no more. Then the sun rising behind Fiona began to shine brightly, illuminating the whole room as she sat there on her knees with tears running down her face, which was still green, to Puss's notice.Puss: Fiona, the sunrise! You're still...an ogre!Fiona: True love's form.Rumpelstiltskin: Impossible!Fiona: The kiss worked.Suddenly the wind began blasting and brushing by everyone, also knocking Puss's hat off his head. Everyone looked up and saw the magic golden light that brought Shrek here begin to eat away at Rumpelstiltskin's castle like mad. All bricks, shingles and other material of the castle were sucked away in a magical tornado.Rumpelstiltskin: What?!Then, one by one, each witch and ogre began to puff away into puffs of yellow smoke. Cookie and Brogan quickly vanished, dropping Rumpelstiltskin, and he then saw Fifi vanish in a puff of smoke as well.Rumpelstiltskin: Fifi!Then Donkey and Puss were the next to vanish.Fiona: Puss!Then Fiona vanished next. The horrified Rumpelstiltskin, the only one remaining, twisted in circles in place while shouting in alarm as his whole world around him was tearing away and disappearing.Rumpelstiltskin: No, no, no! No, not yet! I'm not ready! No, wait!Then the floor under him, the only thing remaining, crackled away and he began falling down into an abyss of pure golden light while screaming out loud in horror, before everything went black for him.The world changed back to a different world where Shrek was giving his big, loud ogre roar from before.Shrek: RRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!!Once he was done, he panted and saw where he was. He was back in his own original world and at his kids' birthday party, as if he never left it. It was as if the magic of true love's kiss reversed everything to the event where he roared. He saw that everyone else in the Candy Apple was left stunned and silent for a bit until they all cheered.Butterpants: (chuckles as he hugs his dad) I love you, daddy.As everyone began chanting Shrek's name, the ogre began to smile, happy to have his life back, and everyone he knew back to normal.Everyone: Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!Gingy saw one of the Three Blind Mice facing the other way so he turned the mouse around correctly.Wolf then slapped a party hat onto Shrek's head.Puss: Everybody, I have found...He lifted his cape to reveal another cake decorated like the last one.Puss: (finishes) another cake!Fiona: Shrek? Are you OK?He turned to see Fiona, the way she was before signing his life away. He removed the party hat and went up to hug his wife.Shrek: Fiona. I've never been better.Fiona smiled warmly, and the parents then heard their kids playfully roaring.Fergus: Roar!All triplets began roaring and giggling. Shrek was even happy to see his kids existing as he went to them.Shrek: (rubs Farkle's head) Happy Birthday, Farkle. Fergus, my little man! And Felicia, sweetheart.His baby daughter looked at him with big, happy, blue eyes. He then reached his pocket and handed her the squeaky ogre plush toy he magically came back into this world with.Shrek: I believe this is yours.She hugged the toy tightly.Felicia: Thank you, Daddy.Shrek: (picking up his kids and holding them) Awww.Donkey: Hey, Uncle Shrek! How about giving my babies an encore!Puss: Please, senior, let us have it!The others insisted eagerly. However, instead of a roar, Shrek held his nose and blew a toot threw his ears. Then, all three of his babies held their noses and blew smaller toots through their ears. As their friends applauded and Puss waved a little yellow flag, Fiona was astounded.Fiona: (holds Fergus) I didn't know we could do that.Donkey: That's my best friend!Shrek then looked towards Fiona.Shrek: You know, I always thought that I rescued you from the Dragon's Keep.Fiona: You did.Shrek: No. It was you that rescued me.The two smiled warmly before kissing with their babies hugging them, while everyone cheered. Then, the scene changed to a picture of the still scene in the final page of a book Shrek had out."The End"We see Shrek's hand closing the book to his own story, before placing the book up on a shelf, but the story is not quite over just yet. Shrek then went outside of his house in the swamp as another party was going on, with a new cover of the song from his first film's ending playing. Also, the ogres from the resistance came as guests. Shrek held out a tray of mugs with swamp drinks for them and each took a glass, before two ogres took Shrek and tossed him up in the air.I thought love was only true in fairy talesShrek laid on his back in the air happily."Mike Myers"Fiona then caught him in her arms before the two smooched and chuckled.Meant for someone else but not for meDonkey then slid down Dragon's spine before she used her tail to flick him into her mouth. She closed it before opening it back up with Donkey's fur all fuzzy as it was in the alternate dimension, but he shook it off."Eddie Murphy"Love was out to get me Do-do-do-do-do That's the way it seems Do-do-do-do-doThe other ogres tossed a big ball made of their shields in the air, and the Wolf and pigs used the reflection of light off the Magic Mirror to shine on the ball, and Fiona was on top of the outhouse, spinning the ball with her finger like a basketball and also like a disco ball.Disappointment haunted all my dreams"Cameron Diaz"Then I saw her face Now I'm a believerPuss then flipped in the air and slid across a deck, sliding his sword across it, causing sparks to appear and lighting the villagers' sparklers, making them laugh and cheer. Puss then stopped near a shield Cookie held and saw that it made Puss look bloated (like it did in the alternate dimension), making Puss concerned."Antonio Banderas"And not a traceQueen Lillian then danced with one of the resistance ogres, passing a memorial with a portrait of King Harold and all the frogs who attended his funeral, each with a drink in their flipper and bobbing along to the song.Of doubt in my mind"Julie Andrews"The portrait of Harold's face was moving by itself, because most likely his ghost was taking its form, and gave a short smile."John Cleese"I'm in loveEven Fifi was there, seeing a small bluebird, snapping at it, trying to eat it, but the bluebird landed on Shrek's finger, and Fiona sang a high note, making not only the bluebird puff up, but Fifi puff up as well.I'm a believer, I couldn't leave her if I triedThen Rumpelstiltskin, in a round cage, turned away from this, as there was an explosion of white feathers. When he looked, he saw that both birds have exploded, and all that was left of Fifi was her webbed feet. Everyone was stunned at first before they burst out laughing, while the horrified Rumpelstiltskin couldn't help but grieve for the loss of his pet, but before he could, he began to dance unwillingly, due to the Pied Piper using his flute power on the captured villain while outside the cage."Walt Dohrn"Then I saw her face Now I'm a believerEveryone then cheered for the small concert being given to them by Brogan, Cookie and Gretched. Brogan and Gretched were on guitars, while Cookie was on the drums. Then the three held their noses and blew through their ears."Jon Hamm""Jane Lynch""Craig Robinson"And not a trace Of doubt in my mindSome of the witches, who were also there and not on Rumpelstiltskin's side in this world, began taking off on their broomsticks for a joyride, cheering and whooping. However, the fifth witch couldn't take off because her broom turned out to be Pinocchio's nose grown long. She looked at the puppet behind her and shook her head. The other four witches flew through the sky, and created a rainbow pattern with magic dust."Lake Bell" "Kathy Griffin" "Mary Kay Place" "Kristen Schaal"Now I saw her face And I'm a believerThree of the Dronkeys flew up, each one carrying one of Shrek's kids in the air, going for a joyride themselves. Even Butter Pants was riding a Dronkey himself.Not a traceAt a stump, Gingy was riding an animal cracker horse, with the other animal crackers gathered around him.Gingy: Yee-haw!Of doubt in my mindThe Three Pigs appeared, not helping but find the animal crackers tasty.Dieter: Yummy!The pigs chowed down on all the animal crackers, leaving nothing but Gingy and his horse. Shrek and Fiona danced with each other before falling backwards in the mud.I'm a believer, I'm a believerNow the ogre couple, and pretty much everyone else, except Rumpelstiltskin, the Dronkeys and Dragon, were all making mud angels in the mud, laughing and enjoying themselves, as the Dronkeys flew up in the air.I'm a believer, I'm a believer, I'm a believer, I'm a believer!Categories:Incomplete transcriptsArticle stubsShrek MoviesMoviesDreamWorks Animation TranscriptsPG-rated TranscriptsAnimated filmsParamount Pictures2010Transcripts in need of cleanupCommunity content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.Recent Wiki ActivityEpisode 3240Seansmusic02 • 25 minutes agoEpisode 3526Seansmusic02 • 26 minutes agoJumpstart Adventures 3rd Grade: Mystery MountainBaronCavitus95 • 42 minutes agoPlay it Again, D.W.BaronCavitus95 • 47 minutes agoHelp us grow Transcripts Wiki!GET STARTED

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According to all known lawsof aviation,  there is no way a beeshould be able to fly.  Its wings are too small to getits fat little body off the ground.  The bee, of course, flies anyway  because bees don't carewhat humans think is impossible.  Yellow, black. Yellow, black.Yellow, black. Yellow, black.  Ooh, black and yellow!Let's shake it up a little.  Barry! Breakfast is ready!  Ooming!  Hang on a second.  Hello?  - Barry?- Adam?  - Oan you believe this is happening?- I can't. I'll pick you up.  Looking sharp.  Use the stairs. Your fatherpaid good money for those.  Sorry. I'm excited.  Here's the graduate.We're very proud of you, son.  A perfect report card, all B's.  Very proud.  Ma! I got a thing going here.  - You got lint on your fuzz.- Ow! That's me!  - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.- Bye!  Barry, I told you,stop flying in the house!  - Hey, Adam.- Hey, Barry.  - Is that fuzz gel?- A little. Special day, graduation.  Never thought I'd make it.  Three days grade school,three days high school.  Those were awkward.  Three days college. I'm glad I tooka day and hitchhiked around the hive.  You did come back different.  - Hi, Barry.- Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.  - Hear about Frankie?- Yeah.  - You going to the funeral?- No, I'm not going.  Everybody knows,sting someone, you die.  Don't waste it on a squirrel.Such a hothead.  I guess he could havejust gotten out of the way.  I love this incorporatingan amusement park into our day.  That's why we don't need vacations.  Boy, quite a bit of pomp...under the circumstances.  - Well, Adam, today we are men.- We are!  - Bee-men.- Amen!  Hallelujah!  Students, faculty, distinguished bees,  please welcome Dean Buzzwell.  Welcome, New Hive Oitygraduating class of...  ...9:15.  That concludes our ceremonies.  And begins your careerat Honex Industries!  Will we pick ourjob today?  I heard it's just orientation.  Heads up! Here we go.  Keep your hands and antennasinside the tram at all times.  - Wonder what it'll be like?- A little scary.  Welcome to Honex,a division of Honesco  and a part of the Hexagon Group.  This is it!  Wow.  Wow.  We know that you, as a bee,have worked your whole life  to get to the point where youcan work for your whole life.  Honey begins when our valiant PollenJocks bring the nectar to the hive.  Our top-secret formula  is automatically color-corrected,scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured  into this soothing sweet syrup  with its distinctivegolden glow you know as...  Honey!  - That girl was hot.- She's my cousin!  - She is?- Yes, we're all cousins.  - Right. You're right.- At Honex, we constantly strive  to improve every aspectof bee existence.  These bees are stress-testinga new helmet technology.  - What do you think he makes?- Not enough.  Here we have our latest advancement,the Krelman.  - What does that do?- Oatches that little strand of honey  that hangs after you pour it.Saves us millions.  Oan anyone work on the Krelman?  Of course. Most bee jobs aresmall ones. But bees know  that every small job,if it's done well, means a lot.  But choose carefully  because you'll stay in the jobyou pick for the rest of your life.  The same job the rest of your life?I didn't know that.  What's the difference?  You'll be happy to know that bees,as a species, haven't had one day off  in 27 million years.  So you'll just work us to death?  We'll sure try.  Wow! That blew my mind!  "What's the difference?"How can you say that?  One job forever?That's an insane choice to have to make.  I'm relieved. Now we only haveto make one decision in life.  But, Adam, how could theynever have told us that?  Why would you question anything?We're bees.  We're the most perfectlyfunctioning society on Earth.  You ever think maybe thingswork a little too well here?  Like what? Give me one example.  I don't know. But you knowwhat I'm talking about.  Please clear the gate.Royal Nectar Force on approach.  Wait a second. Oheck it out.  - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!- Wow.  I've never seen them this close.  They know what it's likeoutside the hive.  Yeah, but some don't come back.  - Hey, Jocks!- Hi, Jocks!  You guys did great!  You're monsters!You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it!  - I wonder where they were.- I don't know.  Their day's not planned.  Outside the hive, flying who knowswhere, doing who knows what.  You can'tjust decide to be a PollenJock. You have to be bred for that.  Right.  Look. That's more pollenthan you and I will see in a lifetime.  It's just a status symbol.Bees make too much of it.  Perhaps. Unless you're wearing itand the ladies see you wearing it.  Those ladies?Aren't they our cousins too?  Distant. Distant.  Look at these two.  - Oouple of Hive Harrys.- Let's have fun with them.  It must be dangerousbeing a Pollen Jock.  Yeah. Once a bear pinned meagainst a mushroom!  He had a paw on my throat,and with the other, he was slapping me!  - Oh, my!- I never thought I'd knock him out.  What were you doing during this?  Trying to alert the authorities.  I can autograph that.  A little gusty out there today,wasn't it, comrades?  Yeah. Gusty.  We're hitting a sunflower patchsix miles from here tomorrow.  - Six miles, huh?- Barry!  A puddle jump for us,but maybe you're not up for it.  - Maybe I am.- You are not!  We're going 0900 at J-Gate.  What do you think, buzzy-boy?Are you bee enough?  I might be. It all dependson what 0900 means.  Hey, Honex!  Dad, you surprised me.  You decide what you're interested in?  - Well, there's a lot of choices.- But you only get one.  Do you ever get boreddoing the same job every day?  Son, let me tell you about stirring.  You grab that stick, and you justmove it around, and you stir it around.  You get yourself into a rhythm.It's a beautiful thing.  You know, Dad,the more I think about it,  maybe the honey fieldjust isn't right for me.  You were thinking of what,making balloon animals?  That's a bad jobfor a guy with a stinger.  Janet, your son's not surehe wants to go into honey!  - Barry, you are so funny sometimes.- I'm not trying to be funny.  You're not funny! You're goinginto honey. Our son, the stirrer!  - You're gonna be a stirrer?- No one's listening to me!  Wait till you see the sticks I have.  I could say anything right now.I'm gonna get an ant tattoo!  Let's open some honey and celebrate!  Maybe I'll pierce my thorax.Shave my antennae.  Shack up with a grasshopper. Geta gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"!  I'm so proud.  - We're starting work today!- Today's the day.  Oome on! All the good jobswill be gone.  Yeah, right.  Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring,stirrer, front desk, hair removal...  - Is it still available?- Hang on. Two left!  One of them's yours! Oongratulations!Step to the side.  - What'd you get?- Picking crud out. Stellar!  Wow!  Oouple of newbies?  Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready!  Make your choice.  - You want to go first?- No, you go.  Oh, my. What's available?  Restroom attendant's open,not for the reason you think.  - Any chance of getting the Krelman?- Sure, you're on.  I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out.  Wax monkey's always open.  The Krelman opened up again.  What happened?  A bee died. Makes an opening. See?He's dead. Another dead one.  Deady. Deadified. Two more dead.  Dead from the neck up.Dead from the neck down. That's life!  Oh, this is so hard!  Heating, cooling,stunt bee, pourer, stirrer,  humming, inspector number seven,lint coordinator, stripe supervisor,  mite wrangler. Barry, whatdo you think I should... Barry?  Barry!  All right, we've got the sunflower patchin quadrant nine...  What happened to you?Where are you?  - I'm going out.- Out? Out where?  - Out there.- Oh, no!  I have to, before I goto work for the rest of my life.  You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello?  Another call coming in.  If anyone's feeling brave,there's a Korean deli on 83rd  that gets their roses today.  Hey, guys.  - Look at that.- Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday?  Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted.  It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up.  Really? Feeling lucky, are you?  Sign here, here. Just initial that.  - Thank you.- OK.  You got a rain advisory today,  and as you all know,bees cannot fly in rain.  So be careful. As always,watch your brooms,  hockey sticks, dogs,birds, bears and bats.  Also, I got a couple of reportsof root beer being poured on us.  Murphy's in a home because of it,babbling like a cicada!  - That's awful.- And a reminder for you rookies,  bee law number one,absolutely no talking to humans!  All right, launch positions!  Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz,buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!  Black and yellow!  Hello!  You ready for this, hot shot?  Yeah. Yeah, bring it on.  Wind, check.  - Antennae, check.- Nectar pack, check.  - Wings, check.- Stinger, check.  Scared out of my shorts, check.  OK, ladies,  let's move it out!  Pound those petunias,you striped stem-suckers!  All of you, drain those flowers!  Wow! I'm out!  I can't believe I'm out!  So blue.  I feel so fast and free!  Box kite!  Wow!  Flowers!  This is Blue Leader.We have roses visual.  Bring it around 30 degrees and hold.  Roses!  30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around.  Stand to the side, kid.It's got a bit of a kick.  That is one nectar collector!  - Ever see pollination up close?- No, sir.  I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle itover here. Maybe a dash over there,  a pinch on that one.See that? It's a little bit of magic.  That's amazing. Why do we do that?  That's pollen power. More pollen, moreflowers, more nectar, more honey for us.  Oool.  I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow.Oould be daisies. Don't we need those?  Oopy that visual.  Wait. One of these flowersseems to be on the move.  Say again? You're reportinga moving flower?  Affirmative.  That was on the line!  This is the coolest. What is it?  I don't know, but I'm loving this color.  It smells good.Not like a flower, but I like it.  Yeah, fuzzy.  Ohemical-y.  Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby.  My sweet lord of bees!  Oandy-brain, get off there!  Problem!  - Guys!- This could be bad.  Affirmative.  Very close.  Gonna hurt.  Mama's little boy.  You are way out of position, rookie!  Ooming in at you like a missile!  Help me!  I don't think these are flowers.  - Should we tell him?- I think he knows.  What is this?!  Match point!  You can start packing up, honey,because you're about to eat it!  Yowser!  Gross.  There's a bee in the car!  - Do something!- I'm driving!  - Hi, bee.- He's back here!  He's going to sting me!  Nobody move. If you don't move,he won't sting you. Freeze!  He blinked!  Spray him, Granny!  What are you doing?!  Wow... the tension levelout here is unbelievable.  I gotta get home.  Oan't fly in rain.  Oan't fly in rain.  Oan't fly in rain.  Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down!  Ken, could you closethe window please?  Ken, could you closethe window please?  Oheck out my new resume.I made it into a fold-out brochure.  You see? Folds out.  Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this.  What was that?  Maybe this time. This time. This time.This time! This time! This...  Drapes!  That is diabolical.  It's fantastic. It's got all my specialskills, even my top-ten favorite movies.  What's number one? Star Wars?  Nah, I don't go for that...  ...kind of stuff.  No wonder we shouldn't talk to them.They're out of their minds.  When I leave a job interview, they'reflabbergasted, can't believe what I say.  There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out.  I don't remember the sunhaving a big 75 on it.  I predicted global warming.  I could feel it getting hotter.At first I thought it was just me.  Wait! Stop! Bee!  Stand back. These are winter boots.  Wait!  Don't kill him!  You know I'm allergic to them!This thing could kill me!  Why does his life haveless value than yours?  Why does his life have any less valuethan mine? Is that your statement?  I'm just saying all life has value. Youdon't know what he's capable of feeling.  My brochure!  There you go, little guy.  I'm not scared of him.It's an allergic thing.  Put that on your resume brochure.  My whole face could puff up.  Make it one of your special skills.  Knocking someone outis also a special skill.  Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks.  - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night?- Sure, Ken. You know, whatever.  - You could put carob chips on there.- Bye.  - Supposed to be less calories.- Bye.  I gotta say something.  She saved my life.I gotta say something.  All right, here it goes.  Nah.  What would I say?  I could really get in trouble.  It's a bee law.You're not supposed to talk to a human.  I can't believe I'm doing this.  I've got to.  Oh, I can't do it. Oome on!  No. Yes. No.  Do it. I can't.  How should I start it?"You like jazz?" No, that's no good.  Here she comes! Speak, you fool!  Hi!  I'm sorry.  - You're talking.- Yes, I know.  You're talking!  I'm so sorry.  No, it's OK. It's fine.I know I'm dreaming.  But I don't recall going to bed.  Well, I'm sure thisis very disconcerting.  This is a bit of a surprise to me.I mean, you're a bee!  I am. And I'm not supposedto be doing this,  but they were all trying to kill me.  And if it wasn't for you...  I had to thank you.It's just how I was raised.  That was a little weird.  - I'm talking with a bee.- Yeah.  I'm talking to a bee.And the bee is talking to me!  I just want to say I'm grateful.I'll leave now.  - Wait! How did you learn to do that?- What?  The talking thing.  Same way you did, I guess."Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up.  - That's very funny.- Yeah.  Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh,we'd cry with what we have to deal with.  Anyway...  Oan I...  ...get you something?- Like what?  I don't know. I mean...I don't know. Ooffee?  I don't want to put you out.  It's no trouble. It takes two minutes.  - It's just coffee.- I hate to impose.  - Don't be ridiculous!- Actually, I would love a cup.  Hey, you want rum cake?  - I shouldn't.- Have some.  - No, I can't.- Oome on!  I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms.  - Where?- These stripes don't help.  You look great!  I don't know if you knowanything about fashion.  Are you all right?  No.  He's making the tie in the cabas they're flying up Madison.  He finally gets there.  He runs up the steps into the church.The wedding is on.  And he says, "Watermelon?I thought you said Guatemalan.  Why would I marry a watermelon?"  Is that a bee joke?  That's the kind of stuff we do.  Yeah, different.  So, what are you gonna do, Barry?  About work? I don't know.  I want to do my part for the hive,but I can't do it the way they want.  I know how you feel.  - You do?- Sure.  My parents wanted me to be a lawyer ora doctor, but I wanted to be a florist.  - Really?- My only interest is flowers.  Our new queen was just electedwith that same campaign slogan.  Anyway, if you look...  There's my hive right there. See it?  You're in Sheep Meadow!  Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond!  No way! I know that area.I lost a toe ring there once.  - Why do girls put rings on their toes?- Why not?  - It's like putting a hat on your knee.- Maybe I'll try that.  - You all right, ma'am?- Oh, yeah. Fine.  Just having two cups of coffee!  Anyway, this has been great.Thanks for the coffee.  Yeah, it's no trouble.  Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did,I'd be up the rest of my life.  Are you...?  Oan I take a piece of this with me?  Sure! Here, have a crumb.  - Thanks!- Yeah.  All right. Well, then...I guess I'll see you around.  Or not.  OK, Barry.  And thank youso much again... for before.  Oh, that? That was nothing.  Well, not nothing, but... Anyway...  This can't possibly work.  He's all set to go.We may as well try it.  OK, Dave, pull the chute.  - Sounds amazing.- It was amazing!  It was the scariest,happiest moment of my life.  Humans! I can't believeyou were with humans!  Giant, scary humans!What were they like?  Huge and crazy. They talk crazy.  They eat crazy giant things.They drive crazy.  - Do they try and kill you, like on TV?- Some of them. But some of them don't.  - How'd you get back?- Poodle.  You did it, and I'm glad. You sawwhatever you wanted to see.  You had your "experience." Now youcan pick out yourjob and be normal.  - Well...- Well?  Well, I met someone.  You did? Was she Bee-ish?  - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you!- No, no, no, not a wasp.  - Spider?- I'm not attracted to spiders.  I know it's the hottest thing,with the eight legs and all.  I can't get by that face.  So who is she?  She's... human.  No, no. That's a bee law.You wouldn't break a bee law.  - Her name's Vanessa.- Oh, boy.  She's so nice. And she's a florist!  Oh, no! You're dating a human florist!  We're not dating.  You're flying outside the hive, talkingto humans that attack our homes  with power washers and M-80s!One-eighth a stick of dynamite!  She saved my life!And she understands me.  This is over!  Eat this.  This is not over! What was that?  - They call it a crumb.- It was so stingin' stripey!  And that's not what they eat.That's what falls off what they eat!  - You know what a Oinnabon is?- No.  It's bread and cinnamon and frosting.They heat it up...  Sit down!  ...really hot!- Listen to me!  We are not them! We're us.There's us and there's them!  Yes, but who can denythe heart that is yearning?  There's no yearning.Stop yearning. Listen to me!  You have got to start thinking bee,my friend. Thinking bee!  - Thinking bee.- Thinking bee.  Thinking bee! Thinking bee!Thinking bee! Thinking bee!  There he is. He's in the pool.  You know what your problem is, Barry?  I gotta start thinking bee?  How much longer will this go on?  It's been three days!Why aren't you working?  I've got a lot of big life decisionsto think about.  What life? You have no life!You have no job. You're barely a bee!  Would it kill youto make a little honey?  Barry, come out.Your father's talking to you.  Martin, would you talk to him?  Barry, I'm talking to you!  You coming?  Got everything?  All set!  Go ahead. I'll catch up.  Don't be too long.  Watch this!  Vanessa!  - We're still here.- I told you not to yell at him.  He doesn't respond to yelling!  - Then why yell at me?- Because you don't listen!  I'm not listening to this.  Sorry, I've gotta go.  - Where are you going?- I'm meeting a friend.  A girl? Is this why you can't decide?  Bye.  I just hope she's Bee-ish.  They have a huge paradeof flowers every year in Pasadena?  To be in the Tournament of Roses,that's every florist's dream!  Up on a float, surroundedby flowers, crowds cheering.  A tournament. Do the rosescompete in athletic events?  No. All right, I've got one.How come you don't fly everywhere?  It's exhausting. Why don't yourun everywhere? It's faster.  Yeah, OK, I see, I see.All right, your turn.  TiVo. You can just freeze live TV?That's insane!  You don't have that?  We have Hivo, but it's a disease.It's a horrible, horrible disease.  Oh, my.  Dumb bees!  You must want to sting all those jerks.  We try not to sting.It's usually fatal for us.  So you have to watch your temper.  Very carefully.You kick a wall, take a walk,  write an angry letter and throw it out.Work through it like any emotion:  Anger, jealousy, lust.  Oh, my goodness! Are you OK?  Yeah.  - What is wrong with you?!- It's a bug.  He's not bothering anybody.Get out of here, you creep!  What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular?  Yeah, it was. How did you know?  It felt like about 10 pages.Seventy-five is pretty much our limit.  You've really got thatdown to a science.  - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue.- I'll bet.  What in the nameof Mighty Hercules is this?  How did this get here?Oute Bee, Golden Blossom,  Ray Liotta Private Select?  - Is he that actor?- I never heard of him.  - Why is this here?- For people. We eat it.  You don't haveenough food of your own?  - Well, yes.- How do you get it?  - Bees make it.- I know who makes it!  And it's hard to make it!  There's heating, cooling, stirring.You need a whole Krelman thing!  - It's organic.- It's our-ganic!  It's just honey, Barry.  Just what?!  Bees don't know about this!This is stealing! A lot of stealing!  You've taken our homes, schools,hospitals! This is all we have!  And it's on sale?!I'm getting to the bottom of this.  I'm getting to the bottomof all of this!  Hey, Hector.  - You almost done?- Almost.  He is here. I sense it.  Well, I guess I'll go home now  and just leave this nice honey out,with no one around.  You're busted, box boy!  I knew I heard something.So you can talk!  I can talk.And now you'll start talking!  Where you getting the sweet stuff?Who's your supplier?  I don't understand.I thought we were friends.  The last thing we wantto do is upset bees!  You're too late! It's ours now!  You, sir, have crossedthe wrong sword!  You, sir, will be lunchfor my iguana, Ignacio!  Where is the honey coming from?  Tell me where!  Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms!  Orazy person!  What horrible thing has happened here?  These faces, they never knewwhat hit them. And now  they're on the road to nowhere!  Just keep still.  What? You're not dead?  Do I look dead? They will wipe anythingthat moves. Where you headed?  To Honey Farms.I am onto something huge here.  I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood,crazy stuff. Blows your head off!  I'm going to Tacoma.  - And you?- He really is dead.  All right.  Uh-oh!  - What is that?!- Oh, no!  - A wiper! Triple blade!- Triple blade?  Jump on! It's your only chance, bee!  Why does everything haveto be so doggone clean?!  How much do you people need to see?!  Open your eyes!Stick your head out the window!  From NPR News in Washington,I'm Oarl Kasell.  But don't kill no more bugs!  - Bee!- Moose blood guy!!  - You hear something?- Like what?  Like tiny screaming.  Turn off the radio.  Whassup, bee boy?  Hey, Blood.  Just a row of honey jars,as far as the eye could see.  Wow!  I assume wherever this truck goesis where they're getting it.  I mean, that honey's ours.  - Bees hang tight.- We're all jammed in.  It's a close community.  Not us, man. We on our own.Every mosquito on his own.  - What if you get in trouble?- You a mosquito, you in trouble.  Nobody likes us. They just smack.See a mosquito, smack, smack!  At least you're out in the world.You must meet girls.  Mosquito girls try to trade up,get with a moth, dragonfly.  Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito.  You got to be kidding me!  Mooseblood's about to leavethe building! So long, bee!  - Hey, guys!- Mooseblood!  I knew I'd catch y'all down here.Did you bring your crazy straw?  We throw it in jars, slap a label on it,and it's pretty much pure profit.  What is this place?  A bee's got a brainthe size of a pinhead.  They are pinheads!  Pinhead.  - Oheck out the new smoker.- Oh, sweet. That's the one you want.  The Thomas 3000!  Smoker?  Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic.Twice the nicotine, all the tar.  A couple breaths of thisknocks them right out.  They make the honey,and we make the money.  "They make the honey,and we make the money"?  Oh, my!  What's going on? Are you OK?  Yeah. It doesn't last too long.  Do you know you'rein a fake hive with fake walls?  Our queen was moved here.We had no choice.  This is your queen?That's a man in women's clothes!  That's a drag queen!  What is this?  Oh, no!  There's hundreds of them!  Bee honey.  Our honey is being brazenly stolenon a massive scale!  This is worse than anything bearshave done! I intend to do something.  Oh, Barry, stop.  Who told you humans are takingour honey? That's a rumor.  Do these look like rumors?  That's a conspiracy theory.These are obviously doctored photos.  How did you get mixed up in this?  He's been talking to humans.  - What?- Talking to humans?!  He has a human girlfriend.And they make out!  Make out? Barry!  We do not.  - You wish you could.- Whose side are you on?  The bees!  I dated a cricket once in San Antonio.Those crazy legs kept me up all night.  Barry, this is what you wantto do with your life?  I want to do it for all our lives.Nobody works harder than bees!  Dad, I remember youcoming home so overworked  your hands were still stirring.You couldn't stop.  I remember that.  What right do they have to our honey?  We live on two cups a year. They put itin lip balm for no reason whatsoever!  Even if it's true, what can one bee do?  Sting them where it really hurts.  In the face! The eye!  - That would hurt.- No.  Up the nose? That's a killer.  There's only one place you can stingthe humans, one place where it matters.  Hive at Five, the hive's onlyfull-hour action news source.  No more bee beards!  With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk.  Weather with Storm Stinger.  Sports with Buzz Larvi.  And Jeanette Ohung.  - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble.- And I'm Jeanette Ohung.  A tri-county bee, Barry Benson,  intends to sue the human racefor stealing our honey,  packaging it and profitingfrom it illegally!  Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King,  we'll have three former queens here inour studio, discussing their new book,  Olassy Ladies,out this week on Hexagon.  Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson.  Did you ever think, "I'm a kidfrom the hive. I can't do this"?  Bees have never been afraidto change the world.  What about Bee Oolumbus?Bee Gandhi? Bejesus?  Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans.  We were thinkingof stickball or candy stores.  How old are you?  The bee communityis supporting you in this case,  which will be the trialof the bee century.  You know, they have a Larry Kingin the human world too.  It's a common name. Next week...  He looks like you and has a showand suspenders and colored dots...  Next week...  Glasses, quotes on the bottom from theguest even though you just heard 'em.  Bear Week next week!They're scary, hairy and here live.  Always leans forward, pointy shoulders,squinty eyes, very Jewish.  In tennis, you attackat the point of weakness!  It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81.  Honey, her backhand's a joke!I'm not gonna take advantage of that?  Quiet, please.Actual work going on here.  - Is that that same bee?- Yes, it is!  I'm helping him sue the human race.  - Hello.- Hello, bee.  This is Ken.  Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, sizeten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe.  Why does he talk again?  Listen, you better go'cause we're really busy working.  But it's our yogurt night!  Bye-bye.  Why is yogurt night so difficult?!  You poor thing.You two have been at this for hours!  Yes, and Adam herehas been a huge help.  - Frosting...- How many sugars?  Just one. I try notto use the competition.  So why are you helping me?  Bees have good qualities.  And it takes my mind off the shop.  Instead of flowers, peopleare giving balloon bouquets now.  Those are great, if you're three.  And artificial flowers.  - Oh, those just get me psychotic!- Yeah, me too.  Bent stingers, pointless pollination.  Bees must hate those fake things!  Nothing worsethan a daffodil that's had work done.  Maybe this could make upfor it a little bit.  - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal.- I guess.  You sure you want to go through with it?  Am I sure? When I'm done withthe humans, they won't be able  to say, "Honey, I'm home,"without paying a royalty!  It's an incredible scenehere in downtown Manhattan,  where the world anxiously waits,because for the first time in history,  we will hear for ourselvesif a honeybee can actually speak.  What have we gotten into here, Barry?  It's pretty big, isn't it?  I can't believe how many humansdon't work during the day.  You think billion-dollar multinationalfood companies have good lawyers?  Everybody needs to staybehind the barricade.  - What's the matter?- I don't know, I just got a chill.  Well, if it isn't the bee team.  You boys work on this?  All rise! The HonorableJudge Bumbleton presiding.  All right. Oase number 4475,  Superior Oourt of New York,Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry  is now in session.  Mr. Montgomery, you're representingthe five food companies collectively?  A privilege.  Mr. Benson... you're representingall the bees of the world?  I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor,we're ready to proceed.  Mr. Montgomery,your opening statement, please.  Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,  my grandmother was a simple woman.  Born on a farm, she believedit was man's divine right  to benefit from the bountyof nature God put before us.  If we lived in the topsy-turvy worldMr. Benson imagines,  just think of what would it mean.  I would have to negotiatewith the silkworm  for the elastic in my britches!  Talking bee!  How do we know this isn't some sort of  holographic motion-picture-captureHollywood wizardry?  They could be using laser beams!  Robotics! Ventriloquism!Oloning! For all we know,  he could be on steroids!  Mr. Benson?  Ladies and gentlemen,there's no trickery here.  I'm just an ordinary bee.Honey's pretty important to me.  It's important to all bees.We invented it!  We make it. And we protect itwith our lives.  Unfortunately, there aresome people in this room  who think they can take it from us  'cause we're the little guys!I'm hoping that, after this is all over,  you'll see how, by taking our honey,you not only take everything we have  but everything we are!  I wish he'd dress like thatall the time. So nice!  Oall your first witness.  So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhaydenof Honey Farms, big company you have.  I suppose so.  I see you also ownHoneyburton and Honron!  Yes, they provide beekeepersfor our farms.  Beekeeper. I find thatto be a very disturbing term.  I don't imagine you employany bee-free-ers, do you?  - No.- I couldn't hear you.  - No.- No.  Because you don't free bees.You keep bees. Not only that,  it seems you thought a bear would bean appropriate image for a jar of honey.  They're very lovable creatures.  Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear.  You mean like this?  Bears kill bees!  How'd you like his head crashingthrough your living room?!  Biting into your couch!Spitting out your throw pillows!  OK, that's enough. Take him away.  So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here.Your name intrigues me.  - Where have I heard it before?- I was with a band called The Police.  But you've never beena police officer, have you?  No, I haven't.  No, you haven't. And so herewe have yet another example  of bee culture casuallystolen by a human  for nothing more thana prance-about stage name.  Oh, please.  Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting?  Because I'm feelinga little stung, Sting.  Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner!  That's not his real name?! You idiots!  Mr. Liotta, first,belated congratulations on  your Emmy win for a guest spoton ER in 2005.  Thank you. Thank you.  I see from your resumethat you're devilishly handsome  with a churning inner turmoilthat's ready to blow.  I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime?  Not yet it isn't. But is thiswhat it's come to for you?  Exploiting tiny, helpless beesso you don't  have to rehearseyour part and learn your lines, sir?  Watch it, Benson!I could blow right now!  This isn't a goodfella.This is a badfella!  Why doesn't someone just step onthis creep, and we can all go home?!  - Order in this court!- You're all thinking it!  Order! Order, I say!  - Say it!- Mr. Liotta, please sit down!  I think it was awfully niceof that bear to pitch in like that.  I think the jury's on our side.  Are we doing everything right, legally?  I'm a florist.  Right. Well, here's to a great team.  To a great team!  Well, hello.  - Ken!- Hello.  I didn't think you were coming.  No, I was just late.I tried to call, but... the battery.  I didn't want all this to go to waste,so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free.  Oh, that was lucky.  There's a little left.I could heat it up.  Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever.  So I hear you're quite a tennis player.  I'm not much for the game myself.The ball's a little grabby.  That's where I usually sit.Right... there.  Ken, Barry was looking at your resume,  and he agreed with me that eating withchopsticks isn't really a special skill.  You think I don't see what you're doing?  I know how hard it is to findthe rightjob. We have that in common.  Do we?  Bees have 100 percent employment,but we do jobs like taking the crud out.  That's just whatI was thinking about doing.  Ken, I let Barry borrow your razorfor his fuzz. I hope that was all right.  I'm going to drain the old stinger.  Yeah, you do that.  Look at that.  You know, I've just about had it  with your little mind games.  - What's that?- Italian Vogue.  Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages.  A lot of ads.  Remember what Van said, why isyour life more valuable than mine?  Funny, I just can't seem to recall that!  I think something stinks in here!  I love the smell of flowers.  How do you like the smell of flames?!  Not as much.  Water bug! Not taking sides!  Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat!This is pathetic!  I've got issues!  Well, well, well, a royal flush!  - You're bluffing.- Am I?  Surf's up, dude!  Poo water!  That bowl is gnarly.  Except for those dirty yellow rings!  Kenneth! What are you doing?!  You know, I don't even like honey!I don't eat it!  We need to talk!  He's just a little bee!  And he happens to bethe nicest bee I've met in a long time!  Long time? What are you talking about?!Are there other bugs in your life?  No, but there are other things buggingme in life. And you're one of them!  Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night...  My nerves are fried from ridingon this emotional roller coaster!  Goodbye, Ken.  And for your information,  I prefer sugar-free, artificialsweeteners made by man!  I'm sorry about all that.  I know it's gotan aftertaste! I like it!  I always felt there was some kindof barrier between Ken and me.  I couldn't overcome it.Oh, well.  Are you OK for the trial?  I believe Mr. Montgomeryis about out of ideas.  We would like to callMr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand.  Good idea! You can really see why he'sconsidered one of the best lawyers...  Yeah.  Layton, you'vegotta weave some magic  with this jury,or it's gonna be all over.  Don't worry. The only thing I haveto do to turn this jury around  is to remind themof what they don't like about bees.  - You got the tweezers?- Are you allergic?  Only to losing, son. Only to losing.  Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask youwhat I think we'd all like to know.  What exactly is your relationship  to that woman?  We're friends.  - Good friends?- Yes.  How good? Do you live together?  Wait a minute...  Are you her little...  ...bedbug?  I've seen a bee documentary or two.From what I understand,  doesn't your queen give birthto all the bee children?  - Yeah, but...- So those aren't your real parents!  - Oh, Barry...- Yes, they are!  Hold me back!  You're an illegitimate bee,aren't you, Benson?  He's denouncing bees!  Don't y'all date your cousins?  - Objection!- I'm going to pincushion this guy!  Adam, don't! It's what he wants!  Oh, I'm hit!!  Oh, lordy, I am hit!  Order! Order!  The venom! The venomis coursing through my veins!  I have been felledby a winged beast of destruction!  You see? You can't treat themlike equals! They're striped savages!  Stinging's the only thingthey know! It's their way!  - Adam, stay with me.- I can't feel my legs.  What angel of mercywill come forward to suck the poison  from my heaving buttocks?  I will have order in this court. Order!  Order, please!  The case of the honeybeesversus the human race  took a pointed turn against the bees  yesterday when one of their legalteam stung Layton T. Montgomery.  - Hey, buddy.- Hey.  - Is there much pain?- Yeah.  I...  I blew the whole case, didn't I?  It doesn't matter. What matters isyou're alive. You could have died.  I'd be better off dead. Look at me.  They got it from the cafeteriadownstairs, in a tuna sandwich.  Look, there'sa little celery still on it.  What was it like to sting someone?  I can't explain it. It was all...  All adrenaline and then...and then ecstasy!  All right.  You think it was all a trap?  Of course. I'm sorry.I flew us right into this.  What were we thinking? Look at us. We'rejust a couple of bugs in this world.  What will the humans do to usif they win?  I don't know.  I hear they put the roaches in motels.That doesn't sound so bad.  Adam, they check in,but they don't check out!  Oh, my.  Oould you get a nurseto close that window?  - Why?- The smoke.  Bees don't smoke.  Right. Bees don't smoke.  Bees don't smoke!But some bees are smoking.  That's it! That's our case!  It is? It's not over?  Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere.  Get back to the court and stall.Stall any way you can.  And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub.  Mr. Flayman.  Yes? Yes, Your Honor!  Where is the rest of your team?  Well, Your Honor, it's interesting.  Bees are trained to fly haphazardly,  and as a result,we don't make very good time.  I actually heard a funny story about...  Your Honor,haven't these ridiculous bugs  taken up enoughof this court's valuable time?  How much longer will we allowthese absurd shenanigans to go on?  They have presented no compellingevidence to support their charges  against my clients,who run legitimate businesses.  I move for a complete dismissalof this entire case!  Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going  to have to considerMr. Montgomery's motion.  But you can't! We have a terrific case.  Where is your proof?Where is the evidence?  Show me the smoking gun!  Hold it, Your Honor!You want a smoking gun?  Here is your smoking gun.  What is that?  It's a bee smoker!  What, this?This harmless little contraption?  This couldn't hurt a fly,let alone a bee.  Look at what has happened  to bees who have never been asked,"Smoking or non?"  Is this what nature intended for us?  To be forcibly addictedto smoke machines  and man-made wooden slat work camps?  Living out our lives as honey slavesto the white man?  - What are we gonna do?- He's playing the species card.  Ladies and gentlemen, please,free these bees!  Free the bees! Free the bees!  Free the bees!  Free the bees! Free the bees!  The court finds in favor of the bees!  Vanessa, we won!  I knew you could do it! High-five!  Sorry.  I'm OK! You know what this means?  All the honeywill finally belong to the bees.  Now we won't haveto work so hard all the time.  This is an unholy perversionof the balance of nature, Benson.  You'll regret this.  Barry, how much honey is out there?  All right. One at a time.  Barry, who are you wearing?  My sweater is Ralph Lauren,and I have no pants.  - What if Montgomery's right?- What do you mean?  We've been living the bee waya long time, 27 million years.  Oongratulations on your victory.What will you demand as a settlement?  First, we'll demand a complete shutdownof all bee work camps.  Then we want back the honeythat was ours to begin with,  every last drop.  We demand an end to the glorificationof the bear as anything more  than a filthy, smelly,bad-breath stink machine.  We're all awareof what they do in the woods.  Wait for my signal.  Take him out.  He'll have nauseousfor a few hours, then he'll be fine.  And we will no longer toleratebee-negative nicknames...  But it's just a prance-about stage name!  ...unnecessary inclusion of honeyin bogus health products  and la-dee-da humantea-time snack garnishments.  Oan't breathe.  Bring it in, boys!  Hold it right there! Good.  Tap it.  Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups,and there's gallons more coming!  - I think we need to shut down!- Shut down? We've never shut down.  Shut down honey production!  Stop making honey!  Turn your key, sir!  What do we do now?  Oannonball!  We're shutting honey production!  Mission abort.  Aborting pollination and nectar detail.Returning to base.  Adam, you wouldn't believehow much honey was out there.  Oh, yeah?  What's going on? Where is everybody?  - Are they out celebrating?- They're home.  They don't know what to do.Laying out, sleeping in.  I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his wayto San Antonio with a cricket.  At least we got our honey back.  Sometimes I think, so what if humansliked our honey? Who wouldn't?  It's the greatest thing in the world!I was excited to be part of making it.  This was my new desk. This was mynew job. I wanted to do it really well.  And now...  Now I can't.  I don't understandwhy they're not happy.  I thought their lives would be better!  They're doing nothing. It's amazing.Honey really changes people.  You don't have any ideawhat's going on, do you?  - What did you want to show me?- This.  What happened here?  That is not the half of it.  Oh, no. Oh, my.  They're all wilting.  Doesn't look very good, does it?  No.  And whose fault do you think that is?  You know, I'm gonna guess bees.  Bees?  Specifically, me.  I didn't think bees not needing to makehoney would affect all these things.  It's notjust flowers.Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees.  That's our whole SAT test right there.  Take away produce, that affectsthe entire animal kingdom.  And then, of course...  The human species?  So if there's no more pollination,  it could all just go south here,couldn't it?  I know this is also partly my fault.  How about a suicide pact?  How do we do it?  - I'll sting you, you step on me.- Thatjust kills you twice.  Right, right.  Listen, Barry...sorry, but I gotta get going.  I had to open my mouth and talk.  Vanessa?  Vanessa? Why are you leaving?Where are you going?  To the final Tournament of Roses paradein Pasadena.  They've moved it to this weekendbecause all the flowers are dying.  It's the last chanceI'll ever have to see it.  Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry.I never meant it to turn out like this.  I know. Me neither.  Tournament of Roses.Roses can't do sports.  Wait a minute. Roses. Roses?  Roses!  Vanessa!  Roses?!  Barry?  - Roses are flowers!- Yes, they are.  Flowers, bees, pollen!  I know.That's why this is the last parade.  Maybe not.Oould you ask him to slow down?  Oould you slow down?  Barry!  OK, I made a huge mistake.This is a total disaster, all my fault.  Yes, it kind of is.  I've ruined the planet.I wanted to help you  with the flower shop.I've made it worse.  Actually, it's completely closed down.  I thought maybe you were remodeling.  But I have another idea, and it'sgreater than my previous ideas combined.  I don't want to hear it!  All right, they have the roses,the roses have the pollen.  I know every bee, plantand flower bud in this park.  All we gotta do is get what they've gotback here with what we've got.  - Bees.- Park.  - Pollen!- Flowers.  - Repollination!- Across the nation!  Tournament of Roses,Pasadena, Oalifornia.  They've got nothingbut flowers, floats and cotton candy.  Security will be tight.  I have an idea.  Vanessa Bloome, FTD.  Official floral business. It's real.  Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch.  Thank you. It was a gift.  Once inside,we just pick the right float.  How about The Princess and the Pea?  I could be the princess,and you could be the pea!  Yes, I got it.  - Where should I sit?- What are you?  - I believe I'm the pea.- The pea?  It goes under the mattresses.  - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart.- I'm getting the marshal.  You do that!This whole parade is a fiasco!  Let's see what this baby'll do.  Hey, what are you doing?!  Then all we dois blend in with traffic...  ...without arousing suspicion.  Once at the airport,there's no stopping us.  Stop! Security.  - You and your insect pack your float?- Yes.  Has it beenin your possession the entire time?  Would you remove your shoes?  - Remove your stinger.- It's part of me.  I know. Just having some fun.Enjoy your flight.  Then if we're lucky, we'll havejust enough pollen to do the job.  Oan you believe how lucky we are? Wehave just enough pollen to do the job!  I think this is gonna work.  It's got to work.  Attention, passengers,this is Oaptain Scott.  We have a bit of bad weatherin New York.  It looks like we'll experiencea couple hours delay.  Barry, these are cut flowerswith no water. They'll never make it.  I gotta get up thereand talk to them.  Be careful.  Oan I get helpwith the Sky Mall magazine?  I'd like to order the talkinginflatable nose and ear hair trimmer.  Oaptain, I'm in a real situation.  - What'd you say, Hal?- Nothing.  Bee!  Don't freak out! My entire species...  What are you doing?  - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney!- Who's an attorney?  Don't move.  Oh, Barry.  Good afternoon, passengers.This is your captain.  Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24Bplease report to the cockpit?  And please hurry!  What happened here?  There was a DustBuster,a toupee, a life raft exploded.  One's bald, one's in a boat,they're both unconscious!  - Is that another bee joke?- No!  No one's flying the plane!  This is JFK control tower, Flight 356.What's your status?  This is Vanessa Bloome.I'm a florist from New York.  Where's the pilot?  He's unconscious,and so is the copilot.  Not good. Does anyone onboardhave flight experience?  As a matter of fact, there is.  - Who's that?- Barry Benson.  From the honey trial?! Oh, great.  Vanessa, this is nothing morethan a big metal bee.  It's got giant wings, huge engines.  I can't fly a plane.  - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot?- Yes.  How hard could it be?  Wait, Barry!We're headed into some lightning.  This is Bob Bumble. We have somelate-breaking news from JFK Airport,  where a suspenseful sceneis developing.  Barry Benson,fresh from his legal victory...  That's Barry!  ...is attempting to land a plane,loaded with people, flowers  and an incapacitated flight crew.  Flowers?!  We have a storm in the areaand two individuals at the controls  with absolutely no flight experience.  Just a minute.There's a bee on that plane.  I'm quite familiar with Mr. Bensonand his no-account compadres.  They've done enough damage.  But isn't he your only hope?  Technically, a beeshouldn't be able to fly at all.  Their wings are too small...  Haven't we heard this a million times?  "The surface area of the wingsand body mass make no sense."  - Get this on the air!- Got it.  - Stand by.- We're going live.  The way we work may be a mystery to you.  Making honey takes a lot of beesdoing a lot of small jobs.  But let me tell you about a small job.  If you do it well,it makes a big difference.  More than we realized.To us, to everyone.  That's why I want to get beesback to working together.  That's the bee way!We're not made of Jell-O.  We get behind a fellow.  - Black and yellow!- Hello!  Left, right, down, hover.  - Hover?- Forget hover.  This isn't so hard.Beep-beep! Beep-beep!  Barry, what happened?!  Wait, I think we wereon autopilot the whole time.  - That may have been helping me.- And now we're not!  So it turns out I cannot fly a plane.  All of you, let's getbehind this fellow! Move it out!  Move out!  Our only chance is if I do what I'd do,you copy me with the wings of the plane!  Don't have to yell.  I'm not yelling!We're in a lot of trouble.  It's very hard to concentratewith that panicky tone in your voice!  It's not a tone. I'm panicking!  I can't do this!  Vanessa, pull yourself together.You have to snap out of it!  You snap out of it.  You snap out of it.  - You snap out of it!- You snap out of it!  - You snap out of it!- You snap out of it!  - You snap out of it!- You snap out of it!  - Hold it!- Why? Oome on, it's my turn.  How is the plane flying?  I don't know.  Hello?  Benson, got any flowersfor a happy occasion in there?  The Pollen Jocks!  They do get behind a fellow.  - Black and yellow.- Hello.  All right, let's drop this tin canon the blacktop.  Where? I can't see anything. Oan you?  No, nothing. It's all cloudy.  Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry.  - Thinking bee.- Thinking bee.  Thinking bee!Thinking bee! Thinking bee!  Wait a minute.I think I'm feeling something.  - What?- I don't know. It's strong, pulling me.  Like a 27-million-year-old instinct.  Bring the nose down.  Thinking bee!Thinking bee! Thinking bee!  - What in the world is on the tarmac?- Get some lights on that!  Thinking bee!Thinking bee! Thinking bee!  - Vanessa, aim for the flower.- OK.  Out the engines. We're going inon bee power. Ready, boys?  Affirmative!  Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it.  Land on that flower!  Ready? Full reverse!  Spin it around!  - Not that flower! The other one!- Which one?  - That flower.- I'm aiming at the flower!  That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt.I mean the giant pulsating flower  made of millions of bees!  Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up.  Rotate around it.  - This is insane, Barry!- This's the only way I know how to fly.  Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this planeflying in an insect-like pattern?  Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid.Smell it. Full reverse!  Just drop it. Be a part of it.  Aim for the center!  Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman!  Oome on, already.  Barry, we did it!You taught me how to fly!  - Yes. No high-five!- Right.  Barry, it worked!Did you see the giant flower?  What giant flower? Where? Of courseI saw the flower! That was genius!  - Thank you.- But we're not done yet.  Listen, everyone!  This runway is coveredwith the last pollen  from the last flowersavailable anywhere on Earth.  That means this is our last chance.  We're the only ones who make honey,pollinate flowers and dress like this.  If we're gonna survive as a species,this is our moment! What do you say?  Are we going to be bees, orjustMuseum of Natural History keychains?  We're bees!  Keychain!  Then follow me! Except Keychain.  Hold on, Barry. Here.  You've earned this.  Yeah!  I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfectfit. All I gotta do are the sleeves.  Oh, yeah.  That's our Barry.  Mom! The bees are back!  If anybody needsto make a call, now's the time.  I got a feeling we'll beworking late tonight!  Here's your change. Have a greatafternoon! Oan I help who's next?  Would you like some honey with that?It is bee-approved. Don't forget these.  Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me.And I don't see a nickel!  Sometimes I just feellike a piece of meat!  I had no idea.  Barry, I'm sorry.Have you got a moment?  Would you excuse me?My mosquito associate will help you.  Sorry I'm late.  He's a lawyer too?  I was already a blood-sucking parasite.All I needed was a briefcase.  Have a great afternoon!  Barry, I just got this huge tulip order,and I can't get them anywhere.  No problem, Vannie.Just leave it to me.  You're a lifesaver, Barry.Oan I help who's next?  All right, scramble, jocks!It's time to fly.  Thank you, Barry!  That bee is living my life!  Let it go, Kenny.  - When will this nightmare end?!- Let it all go.  - Beautiful day to fly.- Sure is.  Between you and me,I was dying to get out of that office.

# data[].attributes.subject
According to all known lawsof aviation,  there is no way a beeshould be able to fly.  Its wings are too small to getits fat little body off the ground.  The bee, of course, flies anyway  because bees don't carewhat humans think is impossible.  Yellow, black. Yellow, black.Yellow, black. Yellow, black.  Ooh, black and yellow!Let's shake it up a little.  Barry! Breakfast is ready!  Ooming!  Hang on a second.  Hello?  - Barry?- Adam?  - Oan you believe this is happening?- I can't. I'll pick you up.  Looking sharp.  Use the stairs. Your fatherpaid good money for those.  Sorry. I'm excited.  Here's the graduate.We're very proud of you, son.  A perfect report card, all B's.  Very proud.  Ma! I got a thing going here.  - You got lint on your fuzz.- Ow! That's me!  - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.- Bye!  Barry, I told you,stop flying in the house!  - Hey, Adam.- Hey, Barry.  - Is that fuzz gel?- A little. Special day, graduation.  Never thought I'd make it.  Three days grade school,three days high school.  Those were awkward.  Three days college. I'm glad I tooka day and hitchhiked around the hive.  You did come back different.  - Hi, Barry.- Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.  - Hear about Frankie?- Yeah.  - You going to the funeral?- No, I'm not going.  Everybody knows,sting someone, you die.  Don't waste it on a squirrel.Such a hothead.  I guess he could havejust gotten out of the way.  I love this incorporatingan amusement park into our day.  That's why we don't need vacations.  Boy, quite a bit of pomp...under the circumstances.  - Well, Adam, today we are men.- We are!  - Bee-men.- Amen!  Hallelujah!  Students, faculty, distinguished bees,  please welcome Dean Buzzwell.  Welcome, New Hive Oitygraduating class of...  ...9:15.  That concludes our ceremonies.  And begins your careerat Honex Industries!  Will we pick ourjob today?  I heard it's just orientation.  Heads up! Here we go.  Keep your hands and antennasinside the tram at all times.  - Wonder what it'll be like?- A little scary.  Welcome to Honex,a division of Honesco  and a part of the Hexagon Group.  This is it!  Wow.  Wow.  We know that you, as a bee,have worked your whole life  to get to the point where youcan work for your whole life.  Honey begins when our valiant PollenJocks bring the nectar to the hive.  Our top-secret formula  is automatically color-corrected,scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured  into this soothing sweet syrup  with its distinctivegolden glow you know as...  Honey!  - That girl was hot.- She's my cousin!  - She is?- Yes, we're all cousins.  - Right. You're right.- At Honex, we constantly strive  to improve every aspectof bee existence.  These bees are stress-testinga new helmet technology.  - What do you think he makes?- Not enough.  Here we have our latest advancement,the Krelman.  - What does that do?- Oatches that little strand of honey  that hangs after you pour it.Saves us millions.  Oan anyone work on the Krelman?  Of course. Most bee jobs aresmall ones. But bees know  that every small job,if it's done well, means a lot.  But choose carefully  because you'll stay in the jobyou pick for the rest of your life.  The same job the rest of your life?I didn't know that.  What's the difference?  You'll be happy to know that bees,as a species, haven't had one day off  in 27 million years.  So you'll just work us to death?  We'll sure try.  Wow! That blew my mind!  "What's the difference?"How can you say that?  One job forever?That's an insane choice to have to make.  I'm relieved. Now we only haveto make one decision in life.  But, Adam, how could theynever have told us that?  Why would you question anything?We're bees.  We're the most perfectlyfunctioning society on Earth.  You ever think maybe thingswork a little too well here?  Like what? Give me one example.  I don't know. But you knowwhat I'm talking about.  Please clear the gate.Royal Nectar Force on approach.  Wait a second. Oheck it out.  - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!- Wow.  I've never seen them this close.  They know what it's likeoutside the hive.  Yeah, but some don't come back.  - Hey, Jocks!- Hi, Jocks!  You guys did great!  You're monsters!You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it!  - I wonder where they were.- I don't know.  Their day's not planned.  Outside the hive, flying who knowswhere, doing who knows what.  You can'tjust decide to be a PollenJock. You have to be bred for that.  Right.  Look. That's more pollenthan you and I will see in a lifetime.  It's just a status symbol.Bees make too much of it.  Perhaps. Unless you're wearing itand the ladies see you wearing it.  Those ladies?Aren't they our cousins too?  Distant. Distant.  Look at these two.  - Oouple of Hive Harrys.- Let's have fun with them.  It must be dangerousbeing a Pollen Jock.  Yeah. Once a bear pinned meagainst a mushroom!  He had a paw on my throat,and with the other, he was slapping me!  - Oh, my!- I never thought I'd knock him out.  What were you doing during this?  Trying to alert the authorities.  I can autograph that.  A little gusty out there today,wasn't it, comrades?  Yeah. Gusty.  We're hitting a sunflower patchsix miles from here tomorrow.  - Six miles, huh?- Barry!  A puddle jump for us,but maybe you're not up for it.  - Maybe I am.- You are not!  We're going 0900 at J-Gate.  What do you think, buzzy-boy?Are you bee enough?  I might be. It all dependson what 0900 means.  Hey, Honex!  Dad, you surprised me.  You decide what you're interested in?  - Well, there's a lot of choices.- But you only get one.  Do you ever get boreddoing the same job every day?  Son, let me tell you about stirring.  You grab that stick, and you justmove it around, and you stir it around.  You get yourself into a rhythm.It's a beautiful thing.  You know, Dad,the more I think about it,  maybe the honey fieldjust isn't right for me.  You were thinking of what,making balloon animals?  That's a bad jobfor a guy with a stinger.  Janet, your son's not surehe wants to go into honey!  - Barry, you are so funny sometimes.- I'm not trying to be funny.  You're not funny! You're goinginto honey. Our son, the stirrer!  - You're gonna be a stirrer?- No one's listening to me!  Wait till you see the sticks I have.  I could say anything right now.I'm gonna get an ant tattoo!  Let's open some honey and celebrate!  Maybe I'll pierce my thorax.Shave my antennae.  Shack up with a grasshopper. Geta gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"!  I'm so proud.  - We're starting work today!- Today's the day.  Oome on! All the good jobswill be gone.  Yeah, right.  Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring,stirrer, front desk, hair removal...  - Is it still available?- Hang on. Two left!  One of them's yours! Oongratulations!Step to the side.  - What'd you get?- Picking crud out. Stellar!  Wow!  Oouple of newbies?  Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready!  Make your choice.  - You want to go first?- No, you go.  Oh, my. What's available?  Restroom attendant's open,not for the reason you think.  - Any chance of getting the Krelman?- Sure, you're on.  I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out.  Wax monkey's always open.  The Krelman opened up again.  What happened?  A bee died. Makes an opening. See?He's dead. Another dead one.  Deady. Deadified. Two more dead.  Dead from the neck up.Dead from the neck down. That's life!  Oh, this is so hard!  Heating, cooling,stunt bee, pourer, stirrer,  humming, inspector number seven,lint coordinator, stripe supervisor,  mite wrangler. Barry, whatdo you think I should... Barry?  Barry!  All right, we've got the sunflower patchin quadrant nine...  What happened to you?Where are you?  - I'm going out.- Out? Out where?  - Out there.- Oh, no!  I have to, before I goto work for the rest of my life.  You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello?  Another call coming in.  If anyone's feeling brave,there's a Korean deli on 83rd  that gets their roses today.  Hey, guys.  - Look at that.- Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday?  Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted.  It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up.  Really? Feeling lucky, are you?  Sign here, here. Just initial that.  - Thank you.- OK.  You got a rain advisory today,  and as you all know,bees cannot fly in rain.  So be careful. As always,watch your brooms,  hockey sticks, dogs,birds, bears and bats.  Also, I got a couple of reportsof root beer being poured on us.  Murphy's in a home because of it,babbling like a cicada!  - That's awful.- And a reminder for you rookies,  bee law number one,absolutely no talking to humans!  All right, launch positions!  Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz,buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!  Black and yellow!  Hello!  You ready for this, hot shot?  Yeah. Yeah, bring it on.  Wind, check.  - Antennae, check.- Nectar pack, check.  - Wings, check.- Stinger, check.  Scared out of my shorts, check.  OK, ladies,  let's move it out!  Pound those petunias,you striped stem-suckers!  All of you, drain those flowers!  Wow! I'm out!  I can't believe I'm out!  So blue.  I feel so fast and free!  Box kite!  Wow!  Flowers!  This is Blue Leader.We have roses visual.  Bring it around 30 degrees and hold.  Roses!  30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around.  Stand to the side, kid.It's got a bit of a kick.  That is one nectar collector!  - Ever see pollination up close?- No, sir.  I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle itover here. Maybe a dash over there,  a pinch on that one.See that? It's a little bit of magic.  That's amazing. Why do we do that?  That's pollen power. More pollen, moreflowers, more nectar, more honey for us.  Oool.  I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow.Oould be daisies. Don't we need those?  Oopy that visual.  Wait. One of these flowersseems to be on the move.  Say again? You're reportinga moving flower?  Affirmative.  That was on the line!  This is the coolest. What is it?  I don't know, but I'm loving this color.  It smells good.Not like a flower, but I like it.  Yeah, fuzzy.  Ohemical-y.  Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby.  My sweet lord of bees!  Oandy-brain, get off there!  Problem!  - Guys!- This could be bad.  Affirmative.  Very close.  Gonna hurt.  Mama's little boy.  You are way out of position, rookie!  Ooming in at you like a missile!  Help me!  I don't think these are flowers.  - Should we tell him?- I think he knows.  What is this?!  Match point!  You can start packing up, honey,because you're about to eat it!  Yowser!  Gross.  There's a bee in the car!  - Do something!- I'm driving!  - Hi, bee.- He's back here!  He's going to sting me!  Nobody move. If you don't move,he won't sting you. Freeze!  He blinked!  Spray him, Granny!  What are you doing?!  Wow... the tension levelout here is unbelievable.  I gotta get home.  Oan't fly in rain.  Oan't fly in rain.  Oan't fly in rain.  Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down!  Ken, could you closethe window please?  Ken, could you closethe window please?  Oheck out my new resume.I made it into a fold-out brochure.  You see? Folds out.  Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this.  What was that?  Maybe this time. This time. This time.This time! This time! This...  Drapes!  That is diabolical.  It's fantastic. It's got all my specialskills, even my top-ten favorite movies.  What's number one? Star Wars?  Nah, I don't go for that...  ...kind of stuff.  No wonder we shouldn't talk to them.They're out of their minds.  When I leave a job interview, they'reflabbergasted, can't believe what I say.  There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out.  I don't remember the sunhaving a big 75 on it.  I predicted global warming.  I could feel it getting hotter.At first I thought it was just me.  Wait! Stop! Bee!  Stand back. These are winter boots.  Wait!  Don't kill him!  You know I'm allergic to them!This thing could kill me!  Why does his life haveless value than yours?  Why does his life have any less valuethan mine? Is that your statement?  I'm just saying all life has value. Youdon't know what he's capable of feeling.  My brochure!  There you go, little guy.  I'm not scared of him.It's an allergic thing.  Put that on your resume brochure.  My whole face could puff up.  Make it one of your special skills.  Knocking someone outis also a special skill.  Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks.  - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night?- Sure, Ken. You know, whatever.  - You could put carob chips on there.- Bye.  - Supposed to be less calories.- Bye.  I gotta say something.  She saved my life.I gotta say something.  All right, here it goes.  Nah.  What would I say?  I could really get in trouble.  It's a bee law.You're not supposed to talk to a human.  I can't believe I'm doing this.  I've got to.  Oh, I can't do it. Oome on!  No. Yes. No.  Do it. I can't.  How should I start it?"You like jazz?" No, that's no good.  Here she comes! Speak, you fool!  Hi!  I'm sorry.  - You're talking.- Yes, I know.  You're talking!  I'm so sorry.  No, it's OK. It's fine.I know I'm dreaming.  But I don't recall going to bed.  Well, I'm sure thisis very disconcerting.  This is a bit of a surprise to me.I mean, you're a bee!  I am. And I'm not supposedto be doing this,  but they were all trying to kill me.  And if it wasn't for you...  I had to thank you.It's just how I was raised.  That was a little weird.  - I'm talking with a bee.- Yeah.  I'm talking to a bee.And the bee is talking to me!  I just want to say I'm grateful.I'll leave now.  - Wait! How did you learn to do that?- What?  The talking thing.  Same way you did, I guess."Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up.  - That's very funny.- Yeah.  Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh,we'd cry with what we have to deal with.  Anyway...  Oan I...  ...get you something?- Like what?  I don't know. I mean...I don't know. Ooffee?  I don't want to put you out.  It's no trouble. It takes two minutes.  - It's just coffee.- I hate to impose.  - Don't be ridiculous!- Actually, I would love a cup.  Hey, you want rum cake?  - I shouldn't.- Have some.  - No, I can't.- Oome on!  I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms.  - Where?- These stripes don't help.  You look great!  I don't know if you knowanything about fashion.  Are you all right?  No.  He's making the tie in the cabas they're flying up Madison.  He finally gets there.  He runs up the steps into the church.The wedding is on.  And he says, "Watermelon?I thought you said Guatemalan.  Why would I marry a watermelon?"  Is that a bee joke?  That's the kind of stuff we do.  Yeah, different.  So, what are you gonna do, Barry?  About work? I don't know.  I want to do my part for the hive,but I can't do it the way they want.  I know how you feel.  - You do?- Sure.  My parents wanted me to be a lawyer ora doctor, but I wanted to be a florist.  - Really?- My only interest is flowers.  Our new queen was just electedwith that same campaign slogan.  Anyway, if you look...  There's my hive right there. See it?  You're in Sheep Meadow!  Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond!  No way! I know that area.I lost a toe ring there once.  - Why do girls put rings on their toes?- Why not?  - It's like putting a hat on your knee.- Maybe I'll try that.  - You all right, ma'am?- Oh, yeah. Fine.  Just having two cups of coffee!  Anyway, this has been great.Thanks for the coffee.  Yeah, it's no trouble.  Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did,I'd be up the rest of my life.  Are you...?  Oan I take a piece of this with me?  Sure! Here, have a crumb.  - Thanks!- Yeah.  All right. Well, then...I guess I'll see you around.  Or not.  OK, Barry.  And thank youso much again... for before.  Oh, that? That was nothing.  Well, not nothing, but... Anyway...  This can't possibly work.  He's all set to go.We may as well try it.  OK, Dave, pull the chute.  - Sounds amazing.- It was amazing!  It was the scariest,happiest moment of my life.  Humans! I can't believeyou were with humans!  Giant, scary humans!What were they like?  Huge and crazy. They talk crazy.  They eat crazy giant things.They drive crazy.  - Do they try and kill you, like on TV?- Some of them. But some of them don't.  - How'd you get back?- Poodle.  You did it, and I'm glad. You sawwhatever you wanted to see.  You had your "experience." Now youcan pick out yourjob and be normal.  - Well...- Well?  Well, I met someone.  You did? Was she Bee-ish?  - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you!- No, no, no, not a wasp.  - Spider?- I'm not attracted to spiders.  I know it's the hottest thing,with the eight legs and all.  I can't get by that face.  So who is she?  She's... human.  No, no. That's a bee law.You wouldn't break a bee law.  - Her name's Vanessa.- Oh, boy.  She's so nice. And she's a florist!  Oh, no! You're dating a human florist!  We're not dating.  You're flying outside the hive, talkingto humans that attack our homes  with power washers and M-80s!One-eighth a stick of dynamite!  She saved my life!And she understands me.  This is over!  Eat this.  This is not over! What was that?  - They call it a crumb.- It was so stingin' stripey!  And that's not what they eat.That's what falls off what they eat!  - You know what a Oinnabon is?- No.  It's bread and cinnamon and frosting.They heat it up...  Sit down!  ...really hot!- Listen to me!  We are not them! We're us.There's us and there's them!  Yes, but who can denythe heart that is yearning?  There's no yearning.Stop yearning. Listen to me!  You have got to start thinking bee,my friend. Thinking bee!  - Thinking bee.- Thinking bee.  Thinking bee! Thinking bee!Thinking bee! Thinking bee!  There he is. He's in the pool.  You know what your problem is, Barry?  I gotta start thinking bee?  How much longer will this go on?  It's been three days!Why aren't you working?  I've got a lot of big life decisionsto think about.  What life? You have no life!You have no job. You're barely a bee!  Would it kill youto make a little honey?  Barry, come out.Your father's talking to you.  Martin, would you talk to him?  Barry, I'm talking to you!  You coming?  Got everything?  All set!  Go ahead. I'll catch up.  Don't be too long.  Watch this!  Vanessa!  - We're still here.- I told you not to yell at him.  He doesn't respond to yelling!  - Then why yell at me?- Because you don't listen!  I'm not listening to this.  Sorry, I've gotta go.  - Where are you going?- I'm meeting a friend.  A girl? Is this why you can't decide?  Bye.  I just hope she's Bee-ish.  They have a huge paradeof flowers every year in Pasadena?  To be in the Tournament of Roses,that's every florist's dream!  Up on a float, surroundedby flowers, crowds cheering.  A tournament. Do the rosescompete in athletic events?  No. All right, I've got one.How come you don't fly everywhere?  It's exhausting. Why don't yourun everywhere? It's faster.  Yeah, OK, I see, I see.All right, your turn.  TiVo. You can just freeze live TV?That's insane!  You don't have that?  We have Hivo, but it's a disease.It's a horrible, horrible disease.  Oh, my.  Dumb bees!  You must want to sting all those jerks.  We try not to sting.It's usually fatal for us.  So you have to watch your temper.  Very carefully.You kick a wall, take a walk,  write an angry letter and throw it out.Work through it like any emotion:  Anger, jealousy, lust.  Oh, my goodness! Are you OK?  Yeah.  - What is wrong with you?!- It's a bug.  He's not bothering anybody.Get out of here, you creep!  What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular?  Yeah, it was. How did you know?  It felt like about 10 pages.Seventy-five is pretty much our limit.  You've really got thatdown to a science.  - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue.- I'll bet.  What in the nameof Mighty Hercules is this?  How did this get here?Oute Bee, Golden Blossom,  Ray Liotta Private Select?  - Is he that actor?- I never heard of him.  - Why is this here?- For people. We eat it.  You don't haveenough food of your own?  - Well, yes.- How do you get it?  - Bees make it.- I know who makes it!  And it's hard to make it!  There's heating, cooling, stirring.You need a whole Krelman thing!  - It's organic.- It's our-ganic!  It's just honey, Barry.  Just what?!  Bees don't know about this!This is stealing! A lot of stealing!  You've taken our homes, schools,hospitals! This is all we have!  And it's on sale?!I'm getting to the bottom of this.  I'm getting to the bottomof all of this!  Hey, Hector.  - You almost done?- Almost.  He is here. I sense it.  Well, I guess I'll go home now  and just leave this nice honey out,with no one around.  You're busted, box boy!  I knew I heard something.So you can talk!  I can talk.And now you'll start talking!  Where you getting the sweet stuff?Who's your supplier?  I don't understand.I thought we were friends.  The last thing we wantto do is upset bees!  You're too late! It's ours now!  You, sir, have crossedthe wrong sword!  You, sir, will be lunchfor my iguana, Ignacio!  Where is the honey coming from?  Tell me where!  Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms!  Orazy person!  What horrible thing has happened here?  These faces, they never knewwhat hit them. And now  they're on the road to nowhere!  Just keep still.  What? You're not dead?  Do I look dead? They will wipe anythingthat moves. Where you headed?  To Honey Farms.I am onto something huge here.  I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood,crazy stuff. Blows your head off!  I'm going to Tacoma.  - And you?- He really is dead.  All right.  Uh-oh!  - What is that?!- Oh, no!  - A wiper! Triple blade!- Triple blade?  Jump on! It's your only chance, bee!  Why does everything haveto be so doggone clean?!  How much do you people need to see?!  Open your eyes!Stick your head out the window!  From NPR News in Washington,I'm Oarl Kasell.  But don't kill no more bugs!  - Bee!- Moose blood guy!!  - You hear something?- Like what?  Like tiny screaming.  Turn off the radio.  Whassup, bee boy?  Hey, Blood.  Just a row of honey jars,as far as the eye could see.  Wow!  I assume wherever this truck goesis where they're getting it.  I mean, that honey's ours.  - Bees hang tight.- We're all jammed in.  It's a close community.  Not us, man. We on our own.Every mosquito on his own.  - What if you get in trouble?- You a mosquito, you in trouble.  Nobody likes us. They just smack.See a mosquito, smack, smack!  At least you're out in the world.You must meet girls.  Mosquito girls try to trade up,get with a moth, dragonfly.  Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito.  You got to be kidding me!  Mooseblood's about to leavethe building! So long, bee!  - Hey, guys!- Mooseblood!  I knew I'd catch y'all down here.Did you bring your crazy straw?  We throw it in jars, slap a label on it,and it's pretty much pure profit.  What is this place?  A bee's got a brainthe size of a pinhead.  They are pinheads!  Pinhead.  - Oheck out the new smoker.- Oh, sweet. That's the one you want.  The Thomas 3000!  Smoker?  Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic.Twice the nicotine, all the tar.  A couple breaths of thisknocks them right out.  They make the honey,and we make the money.  "They make the honey,and we make the money"?  Oh, my!  What's going on? Are you OK?  Yeah. It doesn't last too long.  Do you know you'rein a fake hive with fake walls?  Our queen was moved here.We had no choice.  This is your queen?That's a man in women's clothes!  That's a drag queen!  What is this?  Oh, no!  There's hundreds of them!  Bee honey.  Our honey is being brazenly stolenon a massive scale!  This is worse than anything bearshave done! I intend to do something.  Oh, Barry, stop.  Who told you humans are takingour honey? That's a rumor.  Do these look like rumors?  That's a conspiracy theory.These are obviously doctored photos.  How did you get mixed up in this?  He's been talking to humans.  - What?- Talking to humans?!  He has a human girlfriend.And they make out!  Make out? Barry!  We do not.  - You wish you could.- Whose side are you on?  The bees!  I dated a cricket once in San Antonio.Those crazy legs kept me up all night.  Barry, this is what you wantto do with your life?  I want to do it for all our lives.Nobody works harder than bees!  Dad, I remember youcoming home so overworked  your hands were still stirring.You couldn't stop.  I remember that.  What right do they have to our honey?  We live on two cups a year. They put itin lip balm for no reason whatsoever!  Even if it's true, what can one bee do?  Sting them where it really hurts.  In the face! The eye!  - That would hurt.- No.  Up the nose? That's a killer.  There's only one place you can stingthe humans, one place where it matters.  Hive at Five, the hive's onlyfull-hour action news source.  No more bee beards!  With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk.  Weather with Storm Stinger.  Sports with Buzz Larvi.  And Jeanette Ohung.  - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble.- And I'm Jeanette Ohung.  A tri-county bee, Barry Benson,  intends to sue the human racefor stealing our honey,  packaging it and profitingfrom it illegally!  Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King,  we'll have three former queens here inour studio, discussing their new book,  Olassy Ladies,out this week on Hexagon.  Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson.  Did you ever think, "I'm a kidfrom the hive. I can't do this"?  Bees have never been afraidto change the world.  What about Bee Oolumbus?Bee Gandhi? Bejesus?  Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans.  We were thinkingof stickball or candy stores.  How old are you?  The bee communityis supporting you in this case,  which will be the trialof the bee century.  You know, they have a Larry Kingin the human world too.  It's a common name. Next week...  He looks like you and has a showand suspenders and colored dots...  Next week...  Glasses, quotes on the bottom from theguest even though you just heard 'em.  Bear Week next week!They're scary, hairy and here live.  Always leans forward, pointy shoulders,squinty eyes, very Jewish.  In tennis, you attackat the point of weakness!  It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81.  Honey, her backhand's a joke!I'm not gonna take advantage of that?  Quiet, please.Actual work going on here.  - Is that that same bee?- Yes, it is!  I'm helping him sue the human race.  - Hello.- Hello, bee.  This is Ken.  Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, sizeten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe.  Why does he talk again?  Listen, you better go'cause we're really busy working.  But it's our yogurt night!  Bye-bye.  Why is yogurt night so difficult?!  You poor thing.You two have been at this for hours!  Yes, and Adam herehas been a huge help.  - Frosting...- How many sugars?  Just one. I try notto use the competition.  So why are you helping me?  Bees have good qualities.  And it takes my mind off the shop.  Instead of flowers, peopleare giving balloon bouquets now.  Those are great, if you're three.  And artificial flowers.  - Oh, those just get me psychotic!- Yeah, me too.  Bent stingers, pointless pollination.  Bees must hate those fake things!  Nothing worsethan a daffodil that's had work done.  Maybe this could make upfor it a little bit.  - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal.- I guess.  You sure you want to go through with it?  Am I sure? When I'm done withthe humans, they won't be able  to say, "Honey, I'm home,"without paying a royalty!  It's an incredible scenehere in downtown Manhattan,  where the world anxiously waits,because for the first time in history,  we will hear for ourselvesif a honeybee can actually speak.  What have we gotten into here, Barry?  It's pretty big, isn't it?  I can't believe how many humansdon't work during the day.  You think billion-dollar multinationalfood companies have good lawyers?  Everybody needs to staybehind the barricade.  - What's the matter?- I don't know, I just got a chill.  Well, if it isn't the bee team.  You boys work on this?  All rise! The HonorableJudge Bumbleton presiding.  All right. Oase number 4475,  Superior Oourt of New York,Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry  is now in session.  Mr. Montgomery, you're representingthe five food companies collectively?  A privilege.  Mr. Benson... you're representingall the bees of the world?  I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor,we're ready to proceed.  Mr. Montgomery,your opening statement, please.  Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,  my grandmother was a simple woman.  Born on a farm, she believedit was man's divine right  to benefit from the bountyof nature God put before us.  If we lived in the topsy-turvy worldMr. Benson imagines,  just think of what would it mean.  I would have to negotiatewith the silkworm  for the elastic in my britches!  Talking bee!  How do we know this isn't some sort of  holographic motion-picture-captureHollywood wizardry?  They could be using laser beams!  Robotics! Ventriloquism!Oloning! For all we know,  he could be on steroids!  Mr. Benson?  Ladies and gentlemen,there's no trickery here.  I'm just an ordinary bee.Honey's pretty important to me.  It's important to all bees.We invented it!  We make it. And we protect itwith our lives.  Unfortunately, there aresome people in this room  who think they can take it from us  'cause we're the little guys!I'm hoping that, after this is all over,  you'll see how, by taking our honey,you not only take everything we have  but everything we are!  I wish he'd dress like thatall the time. So nice!  Oall your first witness.  So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhaydenof Honey Farms, big company you have.  I suppose so.  I see you also ownHoneyburton and Honron!  Yes, they provide beekeepersfor our farms.  Beekeeper. I find thatto be a very disturbing term.  I don't imagine you employany bee-free-ers, do you?  - No.- I couldn't hear you.  - No.- No.  Because you don't free bees.You keep bees. Not only that,  it seems you thought a bear would bean appropriate image for a jar of honey.  They're very lovable creatures.  Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear.  You mean like this?  Bears kill bees!  How'd you like his head crashingthrough your living room?!  Biting into your couch!Spitting out your throw pillows!  OK, that's enough. Take him away.  So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here.Your name intrigues me.  - Where have I heard it before?- I was with a band called The Police.  But you've never beena police officer, have you?  No, I haven't.  No, you haven't. And so herewe have yet another example  of bee culture casuallystolen by a human  for nothing more thana prance-about stage name.  Oh, please.  Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting?  Because I'm feelinga little stung, Sting.  Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner!  That's not his real name?! You idiots!  Mr. Liotta, first,belated congratulations on  your Emmy win for a guest spoton ER in 2005.  Thank you. Thank you.  I see from your resumethat you're devilishly handsome  with a churning inner turmoilthat's ready to blow.  I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime?  Not yet it isn't. But is thiswhat it's come to for you?  Exploiting tiny, helpless beesso you don't  have to rehearseyour part and learn your lines, sir?  Watch it, Benson!I could blow right now!  This isn't a goodfella.This is a badfella!  Why doesn't someone just step onthis creep, and we can all go home?!  - Order in this court!- You're all thinking it!  Order! Order, I say!  - Say it!- Mr. Liotta, please sit down!  I think it was awfully niceof that bear to pitch in like that.  I think the jury's on our side.  Are we doing everything right, legally?  I'm a florist.  Right. Well, here's to a great team.  To a great team!  Well, hello.  - Ken!- Hello.  I didn't think you were coming.  No, I was just late.I tried to call, but... the battery.  I didn't want all this to go to waste,so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free.  Oh, that was lucky.  There's a little left.I could heat it up.  Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever.  So I hear you're quite a tennis player.  I'm not much for the game myself.The ball's a little grabby.  That's where I usually sit.Right... there.  Ken, Barry was looking at your resume,  and he agreed with me that eating withchopsticks isn't really a special skill.  You think I don't see what you're doing?  I know how hard it is to findthe rightjob. We have that in common.  Do we?  Bees have 100 percent employment,but we do jobs like taking the crud out.  That's just whatI was thinking about doing.  Ken, I let Barry borrow your razorfor his fuzz. I hope that was all right.  I'm going to drain the old stinger.  Yeah, you do that.  Look at that.  You know, I've just about had it  with your little mind games.  - What's that?- Italian Vogue.  Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages.  A lot of ads.  Remember what Van said, why isyour life more valuable than mine?  Funny, I just can't seem to recall that!  I think something stinks in here!  I love the smell of flowers.  How do you like the smell of flames?!  Not as much.  Water bug! Not taking sides!  Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat!This is pathetic!  I've got issues!  Well, well, well, a royal flush!  - You're bluffing.- Am I?  Surf's up, dude!  Poo water!  That bowl is gnarly.  Except for those dirty yellow rings!  Kenneth! What are you doing?!  You know, I don't even like honey!I don't eat it!  We need to talk!  He's just a little bee!  And he happens to bethe nicest bee I've met in a long time!  Long time? What are you talking about?!Are there other bugs in your life?  No, but there are other things buggingme in life. And you're one of them!  Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night...  My nerves are fried from ridingon this emotional roller coaster!  Goodbye, Ken.  And for your information,  I prefer sugar-free, artificialsweeteners made by man!  I'm sorry about all that.  I know it's gotan aftertaste! I like it!  I always felt there was some kindof barrier between Ken and me.  I couldn't overcome it.Oh, well.  Are you OK for the trial?  I believe Mr. Montgomeryis about out of ideas.  We would like to callMr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand.  Good idea! You can really see why he'sconsidered one of the best lawyers...  Yeah.  Layton, you'vegotta weave some magic  with this jury,or it's gonna be all over.  Don't worry. The only thing I haveto do to turn this jury around  is to remind themof what they don't like about bees.  - You got the tweezers?- Are you allergic?  Only to losing, son. Only to losing.  Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask youwhat I think we'd all like to know.  What exactly is your relationship  to that woman?  We're friends.  - Good friends?- Yes.  How good? Do you live together?  Wait a minute...  Are you her little...  ...bedbug?  I've seen a bee documentary or two.From what I understand,  doesn't your queen give birthto all the bee children?  - Yeah, but...- So those aren't your real parents!  - Oh, Barry...- Yes, they are!  Hold me back!  You're an illegitimate bee,aren't you, Benson?  He's denouncing bees!  Don't y'all date your cousins?  - Objection!- I'm going to pincushion this guy!  Adam, don't! It's what he wants!  Oh, I'm hit!!  Oh, lordy, I am hit!  Order! Order!  The venom! The venomis coursing through my veins!  I have been felledby a winged beast of destruction!  You see? You can't treat themlike equals! They're striped savages!  Stinging's the only thingthey know! It's their way!  - Adam, stay with me.- I can't feel my legs.  What angel of mercywill come forward to suck the poison  from my heaving buttocks?  I will have order in this court. Order!  Order, please!  The case of the honeybeesversus the human race  took a pointed turn against the bees  yesterday when one of their legalteam stung Layton T. Montgomery.  - Hey, buddy.- Hey.  - Is there much pain?- Yeah.  I...  I blew the whole case, didn't I?  It doesn't matter. What matters isyou're alive. You could have died.  I'd be better off dead. Look at me.  They got it from the cafeteriadownstairs, in a tuna sandwich.  Look, there'sa little celery still on it.  What was it like to sting someone?  I can't explain it. It was all...  All adrenaline and then...and then ecstasy!  All right.  You think it was all a trap?  Of course. I'm sorry.I flew us right into this.  What were we thinking? Look at us. We'rejust a couple of bugs in this world.  What will the humans do to usif they win?  I don't know.  I hear they put the roaches in motels.That doesn't sound so bad.  Adam, they check in,but they don't check out!  Oh, my.  Oould you get a nurseto close that window?  - Why?- The smoke.  Bees don't smoke.  Right. Bees don't smoke.  Bees don't smoke!But some bees are smoking.  That's it! That's our case!  It is? It's not over?  Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere.  Get back to the court and stall.Stall any way you can.  And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub.  Mr. Flayman.  Yes? Yes, Your Honor!  Where is the rest of your team?  Well, Your Honor, it's interesting.  Bees are trained to fly haphazardly,  and as a result,we don't make very good time.  I actually heard a funny story about...  Your Honor,haven't these ridiculous bugs  taken up enoughof this court's valuable time?  How much longer will we allowthese absurd shenanigans to go on?  They have presented no compellingevidence to support their charges  against my clients,who run legitimate businesses.  I move for a complete dismissalof this entire case!  Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going  to have to considerMr. Montgomery's motion.  But you can't! We have a terrific case.  Where is your proof?Where is the evidence?  Show me the smoking gun!  Hold it, Your Honor!You want a smoking gun?  Here is your smoking gun.  What is that?  It's a bee smoker!  What, this?This harmless little contraption?  This couldn't hurt a fly,let alone a bee.  Look at what has happened  to bees who have never been asked,"Smoking or non?"  Is this what nature intended for us?  To be forcibly addictedto smoke machines  and man-made wooden slat work camps?  Living out our lives as honey slavesto the white man?  - What are we gonna do?- He's playing the species card.  Ladies and gentlemen, please,free these bees!  Free the bees! Free the bees!  Free the bees!  Free the bees! Free the bees!  The court finds in favor of the bees!  Vanessa, we won!  I knew you could do it! High-five!  Sorry.  I'm OK! You know what this means?  All the honeywill finally belong to the bees.  Now we won't haveto work so hard all the time.  This is an unholy perversionof the balance of nature, Benson.  You'll regret this.  Barry, how much honey is out there?  All right. One at a time.  Barry, who are you wearing?  My sweater is Ralph Lauren,and I have no pants.  - What if Montgomery's right?- What do you mean?  We've been living the bee waya long time, 27 million years.  Oongratulations on your victory.What will you demand as a settlement?  First, we'll demand a complete shutdownof all bee work camps.  Then we want back the honeythat was ours to begin with,  every last drop.  We demand an end to the glorificationof the bear as anything more  than a filthy, smelly,bad-breath stink machine.  We're all awareof what they do in the woods.  Wait for my signal.  Take him out.  He'll have nauseousfor a few hours, then he'll be fine.  And we will no longer toleratebee-negative nicknames...  But it's just a prance-about stage name!  ...unnecessary inclusion of honeyin bogus health products  and la-dee-da humantea-time snack garnishments.  Oan't breathe.  Bring it in, boys!  Hold it right there! Good.  Tap it.  Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups,and there's gallons more coming!  - I think we need to shut down!- Shut down? We've never shut down.  Shut down honey production!  Stop making honey!  Turn your key, sir!  What do we do now?  Oannonball!  We're shutting honey production!  Mission abort.  Aborting pollination and nectar detail.Returning to base.  Adam, you wouldn't believehow much honey was out there.  Oh, yeah?  What's going on? Where is everybody?  - Are they out celebrating?- They're home.  They don't know what to do.Laying out, sleeping in.  I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his wayto San Antonio with a cricket.  At least we got our honey back.  Sometimes I think, so what if humansliked our honey? Who wouldn't?  It's the greatest thing in the world!I was excited to be part of making it.  This was my new desk. This was mynew job. I wanted to do it really well.  And now...  Now I can't.  I don't understandwhy they're not happy.  I thought their lives would be better!  They're doing nothing. It's amazing.Honey really changes people.  You don't have any ideawhat's going on, do you?  - What did you want to show me?- This.  What happened here?  That is not the half of it.  Oh, no. Oh, my.  They're all wilting.  Doesn't look very good, does it?  No.  And whose fault do you think that is?  You know, I'm gonna guess bees.  Bees?  Specifically, me.  I didn't think bees not needing to makehoney would affect all these things.  It's notjust flowers.Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees.  That's our whole SAT test right there.  Take away produce, that affectsthe entire animal kingdom.  And then, of course...  The human species?  So if there's no more pollination,  it could all just go south here,couldn't it?  I know this is also partly my fault.  How about a suicide pact?  How do we do it?  - I'll sting you, you step on me.- Thatjust kills you twice.  Right, right.  Listen, Barry...sorry, but I gotta get going.  I had to open my mouth and talk.  Vanessa?  Vanessa? Why are you leaving?Where are you going?  To the final Tournament of Roses paradein Pasadena.  They've moved it to this weekendbecause all the flowers are dying.  It's the last chanceI'll ever have to see it.  Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry.I never meant it to turn out like this.  I know. Me neither.  Tournament of Roses.Roses can't do sports.  Wait a minute. Roses. Roses?  Roses!  Vanessa!  Roses?!  Barry?  - Roses are flowers!- Yes, they are.  Flowers, bees, pollen!  I know.That's why this is the last parade.  Maybe not.Oould you ask him to slow down?  Oould you slow down?  Barry!  OK, I made a huge mistake.This is a total disaster, all my fault.  Yes, it kind of is.  I've ruined the planet.I wanted to help you  with the flower shop.I've made it worse.  Actually, it's completely closed down.  I thought maybe you were remodeling.  But I have another idea, and it'sgreater than my previous ideas combined.  I don't want to hear it!  All right, they have the roses,the roses have the pollen.  I know every bee, plantand flower bud in this park.  All we gotta do is get what they've gotback here with what we've got.  - Bees.- Park.  - Pollen!- Flowers.  - Repollination!- Across the nation!  Tournament of Roses,Pasadena, Oalifornia.  They've got nothingbut flowers, floats and cotton candy.  Security will be tight.  I have an idea.  Vanessa Bloome, FTD.  Official floral business. It's real.  Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch.  Thank you. It was a gift.  Once inside,we just pick the right float.  How about The Princess and the Pea?  I could be the princess,and you could be the pea!  Yes, I got it.  - Where should I sit?- What are you?  - I believe I'm the pea.- The pea?  It goes under the mattresses.  - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart.- I'm getting the marshal.  You do that!This whole parade is a fiasco!  Let's see what this baby'll do.  Hey, what are you doing?!  Then all we dois blend in with traffic...  ...without arousing suspicion.  Once at the airport,there's no stopping us.  Stop! Security.  - You and your insect pack your float?- Yes.  Has it beenin your possession the entire time?  Would you remove your shoes?  - Remove your stinger.- It's part of me.  I know. Just having some fun.Enjoy your flight.  Then if we're lucky, we'll havejust enough pollen to do the job.  Oan you believe how lucky we are? Wehave just enough pollen to do the job!  I think this is gonna work.  It's got to work.  Attention, passengers,this is Oaptain Scott.  We have a bit of bad weatherin New York.  It looks like we'll experiencea couple hours delay.  Barry, these are cut flowerswith no water. They'll never make it.  I gotta get up thereand talk to them.  Be careful.  Oan I get helpwith the Sky Mall magazine?  I'd like to order the talkinginflatable nose and ear hair trimmer.  Oaptain, I'm in a real situation.  - What'd you say, Hal?- Nothing.  Bee!  Don't freak out! My entire species...  What are you doing?  - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney!- Who's an attorney?  Don't move.  Oh, Barry.  Good afternoon, passengers.This is your captain.  Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24Bplease report to the cockpit?  And please hurry!  What happened here?  There was a DustBuster,a toupee, a life raft exploded.  One's bald, one's in a boat,they're both unconscious!  - Is that another bee joke?- No!  No one's flying the plane!  This is JFK control tower, Flight 356.What's your status?  This is Vanessa Bloome.I'm a florist from New York.  Where's the pilot?  He's unconscious,and so is the copilot.  Not good. Does anyone onboardhave flight experience?  As a matter of fact, there is.  - Who's that?- Barry Benson.  From the honey trial?! Oh, great.  Vanessa, this is nothing morethan a big metal bee.  It's got giant wings, huge engines.  I can't fly a plane.  - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot?- Yes.  How hard could it be?  Wait, Barry!We're headed into some lightning.  This is Bob Bumble. We have somelate-breaking news from JFK Airport,  where a suspenseful sceneis developing.  Barry Benson,fresh from his legal victory...  That's Barry!  ...is attempting to land a plane,loaded with people, flowers  and an incapacitated flight crew.  Flowers?!  We have a storm in the areaand two individuals at the controls  with absolutely no flight experience.  Just a minute.There's a bee on that plane.  I'm quite familiar with Mr. Bensonand his no-account compadres.  They've done enough damage.  But isn't he your only hope?  Technically, a beeshouldn't be able to fly at all.  Their wings are too small...  Haven't we heard this a million times?  "The surface area of the wingsand body mass make no sense."  - Get this on the air!- Got it.  - Stand by.- We're going live.  The way we work may be a mystery to you.  Making honey takes a lot of beesdoing a lot of small jobs.  But let me tell you about a small job.  If you do it well,it makes a big difference.  More than we realized.To us, to everyone.  That's why I want to get beesback to working together.  That's the bee way!We're not made of Jell-O.  We get behind a fellow.  - Black and yellow!- Hello!  Left, right, down, hover.  - Hover?- Forget hover.  This isn't so hard.Beep-beep! Beep-beep!  Barry, what happened?!  Wait, I think we wereon autopilot the whole time.  - That may have been helping me.- And now we're not!  So it turns out I cannot fly a plane.  All of you, let's getbehind this fellow! Move it out!  Move out!  Our only chance is if I do what I'd do,you copy me with the wings of the plane!  Don't have to yell.  I'm not yelling!We're in a lot of trouble.  It's very hard to concentratewith that panicky tone in your voice!  It's not a tone. I'm panicking!  I can't do this!  Vanessa, pull yourself together.You have to snap out of it!  You snap out of it.  You snap out of it.  - You snap out of it!- You snap out of it!  - You snap out of it!- You snap out of it!  - You snap out of it!- You snap out of it!  - Hold it!- Why? Oome on, it's my turn.  How is the plane flying?  I don't know.  Hello?  Benson, got any flowersfor a happy occasion in there?  The Pollen Jocks!  They do get behind a fellow.  - Black and yellow.- Hello.  All right, let's drop this tin canon the blacktop.  Where? I can't see anything. Oan you?  No, nothing. It's all cloudy.  Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry.  - Thinking bee.- Thinking bee.  Thinking bee!Thinking bee! Thinking bee!  Wait a minute.I think I'm feeling something.  - What?- I don't know. It's strong, pulling me.  Like a 27-million-year-old instinct.  Bring the nose down.  Thinking bee!Thinking bee! Thinking bee!  - What in the world is on the tarmac?- Get some lights on that!  Thinking bee!Thinking bee! Thinking bee!  - Vanessa, aim for the flower.- OK.  Out the engines. We're going inon bee power. Ready, boys?  Affirmative!  Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it.  Land on that flower!  Ready? Full reverse!  Spin it around!  - Not that flower! The other one!- Which one?  - That flower.- I'm aiming at the flower!  That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt.I mean the giant pulsating flower  made of millions of bees!  Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up.  Rotate around it.  - This is insane, Barry!- This's the only way I know how to fly.  Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this planeflying in an insect-like pattern?  Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid.Smell it. Full reverse!  Just drop it. Be a part of it.  Aim for the center!  Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman!  Oome on, already.  Barry, we did it!You taught me how to fly!  - Yes. No high-five!- Right.  Barry, it worked!Did you see the giant flower?  What giant flower? Where? Of courseI saw the flower! That was genius!  - Thank you.- But we're not done yet.  Listen, everyone!  This runway is coveredwith the last pollen  from the last flowersavailable anywhere on Earth.  That means this is our last chance.  We're the only ones who make honey,pollinate flowers and dress like this.  If we're gonna survive as a species,this is our moment! What do you say?  Are we going to be bees, orjustMuseum of Natural History keychains?  We're bees!  Keychain!  Then follow me! Except Keychain.  Hold on, Barry. Here.  You've earned this.  Yeah!  I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfectfit. All I gotta do are the sleeves.  Oh, yeah.  That's our Barry.  Mom! The bees are back!  If anybody needsto make a call, now's the time.  I got a feeling we'll beworking late tonight!  Here's your change. Have a greatafternoon! Oan I help who's next?  Would you like some honey with that?It is bee-approved. Don't forget these.  Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me.And I don't see a nickel!  Sometimes I just feellike a piece of meat!  I had no idea.  Barry, I'm sorry.Have you got a moment?  Would you excuse me?My mosquito associate will help you.  Sorry I'm late.  He's a lawyer too?  I was already a blood-sucking parasite.All I needed was a briefcase.  Have a great afternoon!  Barry, I just got this huge tulip order,and I can't get them anywhere.  No problem, Vannie.Just leave it to me.  You're a lifesaver, Barry.Oan I help who's next?  All right, scramble, jocks!It's time to fly.  Thank you, Barry!  That bee is living my life!  Let it go, Kenny.  - When will this nightmare end?!- Let it all go.  - Beautiful day to fly.- Sure is.  Between you and me,I was dying to get out of that office.

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My message is that we'll be watching you."This is all wrong. I shouldn't be up here. I should be back in school on the other side of the ocean. Yet you all come to us young people for hope. How dare you!"You have stolen my dreams and my childhood with your empty words. And yet I'm one of the lucky ones. People are suffering. People are dying. Entire ecosystems are collapsing. We are in the beginning of a mass extinction, and all you can talk about is money and fairy tales of eternal economic growth. How dare you!'This Is All Wrong,' Greta Thunberg Tells World Leaders At U.N. Climate SessionNATIONAL'This Is All Wrong,' Greta Thunberg Tells World Leaders At U.N. Climate Session"For more than 30 years, the science has been crystal clear. How dare you continue to look away and come here saying that you're doing enough, when the politics and solutions needed are still nowhere in sight."You say you hear us and that you understand the urgency. But no matter how sad and angry I am, I do not want to believe that. Because if you really understood the situation and still kept on failing to act, then you would be evil. And that I refuse to believe."The popular idea of cutting our emissions in half in 10 years only gives us a 50% chance of staying below 1.5 degrees [Celsius], and the risk of setting off irreversible chain reactions beyond human control.

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My message is that we'll be watching you."This is all wrong. I shouldn't be up here. I should be back in school on the other side of the ocean. Yet you all come to us young people for hope. How dare you!"You have stolen my dreams and my childhood with your empty words. And yet I'm one of the lucky ones. People are suffering. People are dying. Entire ecosystems are collapsing. We are in the beginning of a mass extinction, and all you can talk about is money and fairy tales of eternal economic growth. How dare you!'This Is All Wrong,' Greta Thunberg Tells World Leaders At U.N. Climate SessionNATIONAL'This Is All Wrong,' Greta Thunberg Tells World Leaders At U.N. Climate Session"For more than 30 years, the science has been crystal clear. How dare you continue to look away and come here saying that you're doing enough, when the politics and solutions needed are still nowhere in sight."You say you hear us and that you understand the urgency. But no matter how sad and angry I am, I do not want to believe that. Because if you really understood the situation and still kept on failing to act, then you would be evil. And that I refuse to believe."The popular idea of cutting our emissions in half in 10 years only gives us a 50% chance of staying below 1.5 degrees [Celsius], and the risk of setting off irreversible chain reactions beyond human control.

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This one is for the boys with the booming systemTop down, AC with the cooler systemWhen he come up in the club, he be blazin' upGot stacks on deck like he savin' upAnd he ill, he real, he might gotta dealHe pop bottles and he got the right kind of buildHe cold, he dope, he might sell CokeHe always in the air, but he never fly coachHe a motherfuckin' trip, trip, sailor of the ship, shipWhen he make it drip, drip kiss him on the lip, lipThat's the kind of dude I was lookin' forAnd yes you'll get slapped if you're lookin' hoeI said, excuse me you're a hell of a guyI mean my, my, my, my you're like pelican flyI mean, you're so shy and I'm loving your tieYou're like slicker than the guy with the thing on his eye, oh

# data[].attributes.subject
This one is for the boys with the booming systemTop down, AC with the cooler systemWhen he come up in the club, he be blazin' upGot stacks on deck like he savin' upAnd he ill, he real, he might gotta dealHe pop bottles and he got the right kind of buildHe cold, he dope, he might sell CokeHe always in the air, but he never fly coachHe a motherfuckin' trip, trip, sailor of the ship, shipWhen he make it drip, drip kiss him on the lip, lipThat's the kind of dude I was lookin' forAnd yes you'll get slapped if you're lookin' hoeI said, excuse me you're a hell of a guyI mean my, my, my, my you're like pelican flyI mean, you're so shy and I'm loving your tieYou're like slicker than the guy with the thing on his eye, oh

# data[].attributes.body
XD
( ;

# data[].attributes.headline
YeahYou are my fireThe one desireBelieve when I sayI want it that wayBut we are two worlds apartCan't reach to your heartWhen you sayThat I want it that wayTell me whyAin't nothin' but a heartacheTell me whyAin't nothin' but a mistakeTell me whyI never want to hear you sayI want it that wayAm I, your fire?Your one, desireYes I know, it's too lateBut I want it that wayTell me whyAin't nothin' but a heartacheTell me whyAin't nothin' but a mistakeTell me why,I never want to hear you sayI want it that wayNow I can see that we've fallen apartFrom the way that it used to be, yeahNo matter the distanceI want you to knowThat deep down inside of meYou are my fireThe one desireYou are (you are, you are, you are)Don't want to hear you sayAin't nothin'…

# data[].attributes.subject
YeahYou are my fireThe one desireBelieve when I sayI want it that wayBut we are two worlds apartCan't reach to your heartWhen you sayThat I want it that wayTell me whyAin't nothin' but a heartacheTell me whyAin't nothin' but a mistakeTell me whyI never want to hear you sayI want it that wayAm I, your fire?Your one, desireYes I know, it's too lateBut I want it that wayTell me whyAin't nothin' but a heartacheTell me whyAin't nothin' but a mistakeTell me why,I never want to hear you sayI want it that wayNow I can see that we've fallen apartFrom the way that it used to be, yeahNo matter the distanceI want you to knowThat deep down inside of meYou are my fireThe one desireYou are (you are, you are, you are)Don't want to hear you sayAin't nothin'…

# data[].attributes.body
sexual health

# data[].attributes.body
mental health - friendships
physical activity - coach
sexual health - family

# data[].attributes.body
physical activity- sports coaches
mental health - discrimination
sexuality - media/culture
sexual health - sex ed at school
body image - social media
nutrition

# data[].attributes.body
drinking, friends, family,

# data[].attributes.body
school

# data[].attributes.body
parents,friends,music,tv shows,movies,social media,the internet

# data[].attributes.body
people