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Lily: I wish I was the adult and you were the kid. 
Me: So will you help me wipe?
Lily: nevermind

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"This summer my amygdala- has been more active than I have"- said by my mom

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Is that your tummy?' "No is just all my juice"

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My daughter's 10 year birthday is coming up and she said:
"Mom you know, if you ever wished to have someone like you, you don't have to wait anymore" my daughter said to me to try to get away from being grounded…

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8 year old nephew: Aunt Jenny! I'm almost as tall as you and you are a grown up! 

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Son to daughter "Don't be a Karen!" Me: "Where did you learn that?!" Both kids: "Tio Esteban, he teaches us all sorts of things!" Me: "I don't want to know..."

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My 3 year old niece went to eat at a restaurant with her mask. She took it off and told her mom that a lady looked at her while her mask was off and she didn’t even get sick.

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My 6th grade cousin: Are teachers allowed to say bad words? Me: like in the classroom? My cousin: No, like on their own outside of class.... are they allowed to?

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(Brother that doesn't have a phone) Asusena what is my service provider? Me: What? You don't have a phone. Brother: Yeah I know, but who

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Potty Training Freddie (who is screaming). Ren (4yo) comes in, hands on hips, "What's all this commotion about?"

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Officer who pulled me over for speeding, when I asked if I could get out of my vehicle to grab the love rock I was seeing, he responded: You can do whatever you want. (Like drive 75mph in a 55? I guess not.)

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Bailey (6 years old): That person is not wearing a mask, oh, and that person is not wearing a mask. Oh my..those people are not 6 feet apart. 
Me: What do you think we should do?
According to my 6 year old, now police officers should also monitor mask wearing and she thinks she is the most qualified.

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Six-year-old cousin after falling on the trampoline* "My legs are paratyzed!" 

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My neighbor asked Hudson where Paul  was while Hudson was playing in the alley....his response....Taking a dump!  😳

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My mom was complaining about how she can't do the things she use to do 15 years ago. After a pause I said, "Mom I hate to tell you this but you are older than you were 15 years ago." She started laughing at that point.

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Random person at the grocery store. "Everything is awful...but at least I can buy toilet paper again"

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7 yr old: Can I sleep in just my jammie shorts? I think I'm ready for that phase.