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"Not having many real, true friends because you're just too scared of interacting with people to actually be yourself" -Hattrup 2016

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A skill for the real world:Learning how we affect others 

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A skill for the real world:Learning how we affect others 

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Tru also known as Truman has done some questionable things in his life not regarding others and Frannie knows that, but she thinks that he has changed.  She thinks that having him over this summer will make her life similar to clear and blue skies but little does she know that he brings with him the debris of a tornado that has passed by. This can relate to the theme by her putting herself down that she isn't able to do something and her mind believes that relying on Truman will help her attain what she wants in life but it doesn't happen in the way she wants it to similar to what it is like in actuality. In the beginning of the book Frannie states,"There was a chance that he could give some life to the coming weeks"(Hattrup 28) This shows the hope that she had in the beginning of the book but later on she realizes that consequences that come with it. This articles explains how others affect us, both Frannie and Truman would benefit from reading this article.

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by Sian Davies

We are all the same, underneath the outer layers we all have feelings, emotions. The thing that blocks us from viewing it is that we are driven by fear.

People who judge and criticize behave unconsciously, they're unaware of the damage. This is why becoming conscious and aware of our thoughts, words and actions is so important. Everything we do has a ripple affect on other people.

Have you ever said something horrible to someone? I'm guessing so. Did you ever notice how it made you feel? I'm guessing not good. When we say something horrible to someone it's not us, it's our ego taking over and usually coming from a place of fear, anger or sadness.

For example, in high school I remember a girl who loved drama, confrontation and starting arguments. She enjoyed picking on me and I never understood why. One day I was so fed up and in the end I called her fat. She didn't actually respond to me and so I felt like I'd won. My ego felt superior, I'd had the last word. Yet inside I knew that's not how I wanted to behave, I didn't enjoy calling people names - nobody does. That name calling came from a place of anger. Yet I will never know how it affected that person, I will never know whether that name calling still rings in her memory. The same as she will never know how I remember her shouting and name calling rings in my mind. We both let our egos take over and rip chunks into each other with name calling and arguing.

This is all too common. If I would have listened to my soul, and been mindful I would have dealt with the situation very differently. I would see that the girl had much pain, something troubling her in life that she seemed drama and attention. She obviously felt she needed reaction, good or bad. If I would have seen this at the time I would have responded differently instead of reacting.

Hence why we build up guards around ourselves, become closed off to other humans, afraid to show who we truly are.

If we are open, we are vulnerable and risk being hurt by others who are unconscious. Yet if we are aware that their hurtful words or actions are exactly that - unconscious. Then we have a chance of putting a stop to reaction and ego taking over.

Hurtful actions and comments stay in our memories for years, hence why it's imperative that we bring awareness to ourselves. Everything we do and say to people has an effect on them, we never know to some extent. We must stop acting unconsciously towards others, causing harm because of we let our ego take over just in a fleeting moment you can't undo those horrible words or horrible actions. We can only apologize.

The other side to being aware and conscious of your thoughts and actions is that when you are personally attacked by someone - you can choose to diminish their comment or action. You can become aware that they are suffering and that is the only reason why they're behaving this way toward you. No happy person who is conscious goes around verbally abusing people.

We are all divine souls, only our ego separates us.

For example a woman once had a go at me, I was in the wrong slightly but she made it a big drama and was so angry, the tone of voice etc was not very nice. I used my awareness and could see she was troubled with something so I didn't react or argue back. I apologized and instead talked with her as a friend would.

In a different situation someone would feel personally attacked and get angry, the ego doesn't like to be blamed and so you would react and shout back. This would only lead to hurtful comments and cause harm to each other.. No resolving.

Then hurtful comments stay with people and they carry them for the rest of their lives.

Next time think when you're going to criticize someone, comment on their looks or the way they are. It's all too easy to judge and criticise when we don't know what someone's going through.

The only reason we can know what someone's going through is if they're open and honest with us - the only way we can achieve that is through less judgment and criticism in the world so people don't let fear keep them closed up and guarded.

We are not robots, we are alive and we have feelings. We are all divine souls deep down, sometime we unconsciously let the ego take over us and that's ok, don't beat yourself up, become aware of it and observe how it makes you feel. The other day I made fun of someone being different and called her weird behind her back, who am I to do that? It doesn't make me a better person, it made me feel horrible, I don't know what she's going through in life, my quick judgement will only prevent me from getting to know her and she is probably a lovely person. Judgment and criticism only separates us, prevents us from bonding and sharing.

Next time you find yourself judging someone or criticizing them, have a think. Become aware. Be conscious to your words and actions to yourself and others. Be open and honest and expect the same in return. Try to respond instead of react to other people's egos.

Be the change you want to see in the world 🙂
Follow Sian's blog, Where The Sun Is Always Shining, for more articles like this one.

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The Ripple Effect, How Our Actions Affect Others - The Open Mind

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by Sian Davies We are all the same, underneath the outer layers we all have feelings, emotions. The thing that blocks us from viewing it is that we are driven by fear. People who judge and criticize behave unconsciously, they're unaware of the damage.

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Kirkus Review of the book Frannie and Tru

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Kirkus Review of the book Frannie and Tru

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FRANNIE AND TRU by Karen Hattrup | Kirkus Reviews

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Fifteen-year-old Frannie idolizes her older cousin, Tru, but their summer together reveals some uncomfortable truths

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Writing Prompt: Character Driven Fiction

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Writing Prompt: Character Driven Fiction

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A writing prompt about the character Frannie and other obstacles in her way besides her social anxiety.

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Website to Improve Social Skills and help you in the Real World

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Website to Improve Social Skills and help you in the Real World

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The book would be significantly different if Frannie had access to the internet. This website is really helpful and gives great tips that Frannie could've used to make friends. Instead she got all caught up in her head which can be seen when she says," All these questions had gotten tangled in my mind with my worries about next year at my new school, the whole mess was consuming me"(Hattrup 29). This quote just proves that improving her social skills could have been all the help Frannie needed for her to take control of her life and this website could've helped her over come her communication problems that stem from her overthinking/over analyzing problem. Another example of this is when Frannie states,"I stood there and weighed it in my mind"(Hattrup 165). She spends so much time in the moment trying not to sound stupid but then the moment will pass by. If she had over come these problems as a character it would have set her up for the real world because being able to communicate with others is an essential skill needed for life. Having good social skills help with what Frannie wanted to change in her life.

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Image: kalandrakas ( license).

Today I'd like to share a few of my favorite timeless tips for improving your social life.

Here are six of them.
1. Be wary of building walls.
The ego wants to divide your world. It wants to create barriers, separation and loves to play the comparison game. The game where people are different compared to you, the game where you are better than someone and worse than someone else. All of that creates fear. And so we build walls. But putting up walls tends to in the end hurt you more than protect you.

So how can you start building bridges instead? One way is to choose to be curious about people. Curiosity is filled with anticipation and enthusiasm. It opens you up. And when you are open and enthusiastic then you have more fun things to think about than focusing on your fear.

Another way is to start to see yourself in other people. To get that there is no real separation between you and other people.
That may sound vague. So one practical suggestion and thought you may want to try for a day is that everyone you meet is your friend.

Another thing you can try is to see what parts of yourself you can see in someone you meet. Try it out and see what you find.
2. Your relationships are in your mind.
How you choose to interpret people and your relationships makes a huge difference. So much of our relationships may be perceived to happen out there somewhere.

But as mentioned in tip #1 in this article, your underlying frame of mind - do you build bridges or walls? - will determine much about your interactions both new people and people you know.

So you really have to go inside. You have to realize that your interpretations from the past are interpretations. Not reality. You have to take a look at your assumptions and expectations and thought habits. Find patterns that may be hurting you (and others). This isn't easy. Or always pleasant. You may discover that you have had some negative underlying habits of thought for many years.

But to change you have to do it. Instead of just keep looking at yourself as some sort of unmoving and objective observer of the world and reality. A change in you could - over time - change your whole world.
3. Avoid being boring.
Don't prattle on about your new car for 10 minutes oblivious to your surroundings. Always be prepared to drop a subject when you start to bore people. Or when everyone is getting bored and the topic is starting to run out of steam.

One good way to have something interesting to say is simply to lead an interesting life. And to focus on the positive stuff. Don't start to whine about your boss or your job, people don't want to hear that. Instead, talk about your last trip somewhere, some funny anecdote that happened while you were buying clothes, your plans for the summer or something fun or exciting.
4. Focus outward, not inward.
A lot of people use the second, far less effective way. It is appealing because it's about instant gratification and about ME, ME, ME! The first way - to become interested in people - perhaps works better because it makes you a pleasant exception and because the law of reciprocity is strong in people. As you treat people, they will treat you. Be interested in them and they will be interested in you.
5. Don't get stuck in the questions.
If you ask too many questions the conversation can feel like a bit of an interrogation. Or like you don't have that much too contribute. One alternative is to mix questions with statements. Just say what band you are really into instead of asking what band they are into. Or say what you think about local sports team's chances of winning the next game. Or, while using common sense, just what you are thinking about what is happening around you right now.

And then the conversation can flow on from there.

So open up and say what you think, share how you feel. And if someone shares an experience, open up too and share one of your experiences. Don't just stand there nodding and answer with short sentences. If someone is investing in the conversation they'd like you to invest too.

And like in so many areas in life, you can't always wait for the other party to make the first move. When needed, be proactive and be the first one to open up and invest in the conversation.
6. Genuineness is awesome.
I think that one of the most important things in a relationship of any kind is to be genuine. Few things are as powerful as genuine communication and letting the genuine you shine through. Without incongruence, mixed messages or perhaps a sort of phoniness.

It's you to 100%.

It's you with not only your words but you with your voice tonality and body language - which some say is over 90% of communication - on the same wavelength as your words. It's you coming through on all channels of communication.

Being your geunine self - the one where you build bridges and are open and giving - will give you better results and more satisfaction in your day to day life because you are in alignment with yourself. And because people really like genuineness.

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PS. Just thought I'd give you a quick update and tell you that my new ebook will be out and for sale on the blog next week. It is called the Power of Positivity and contains 22 chapters on how to improve your life in areas such as productivity, social skills, attitude, motivation, self-esteem and thought habits.

I am very excited about it and about getting it out there. So be on the lookout for that.

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How to Improve Your Social Life: 6 of My Favorite Timeless Tips

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Image: kalandrakas (license). "Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." Anais Nin Today I'd like to share a few of my favorite timeless tips for improving your social life.

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"Try Something New for 30 Days." Matt Cutts: Try Something New for 30 Days | TED Talk | TED.com. N.p., n.d. Web. 21 Nov. 2016.

Hattrup, Karen. "FRANNIE AND TRU by Karen Hattrup | Kirkus Reviews." Kirkus Reviews. N.p., n.d. Web. 21 Nov. 2016.
Contributor, Guest. "The Ripple Effect, How Our Actions Affect Others." The-open-mind.com. N.p., 18 Apr. 2015. Web. 08 Jan. 2017.

Hattrup, Karen. Frannie and Tru. New York, NY: HarperTeen, an Imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers, 2016. Print.

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Frannie has been wanting change for a while now. In her head, she always puts herself off on doing something different because she believes that she isn't capable. Change does come when Tru visits but when it's almost time for him to return home, her want for change becomes more of a need. She has experienced what it is like to socialize with others and she doesn't want to go back to her old ways. In the Ted Talk by Matt Cutts, he does an exceptional job talking about making a change to benefit your life. The Ted Talk can be summed up when Cutts states, "The next 30 days is going to pass whether you like it or not, so why not think of something you have always wanted to try and give it a shot for 30 days" (Cutts 2011). This quote that summarizes the Ted Talk shows that changing one small thing in your life can altercate your life in a good way, which is something that can help Frannie with her need for change. An example of his method is when Mr. Cutts began to bike to work for 30 days. He use to be a cubical dweller and something he wasn't expecting to come out of the experience was now he is a more active person that is closer to nature. Frannie can learn a lot from this Ted Talk especially the fact that a small change can make the largest difference in her life in a good way and if not, the method is only for 30 days unless she wanted to continue. If Frannie used this method to change, it would set her up for the real world by allowing her to realize that change isn't going to happen on its own and helping her understand that you have to take small steps into solving your problems instead of starting all over. Which can help with her overthinking and allow her to do what she wants which is relatable to other people all around the world

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Is there something you’ve always meant to do, wanted to do, but just ... haven’t? Matt Cutts suggests: Try it for 30 days. This short, lighthearted talk offers a neat way to think about setting and achieving goals.

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Information on the author and how she socially interacts which is dramatically different compared to how Frannie interacts with others in her book.

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Theme: Overthinking can prevent you from doing what you want in life
In the book Frannie is all in her head and life passes by while she comes up with outcomes of all situations. She misses fun opportunities because she goes against her first instincts and the author teaches this theme as a lesson.
Second Theme: You can overcome social anxiety
Though overcoming a mental issue is hard the author tells us that it is possible and you have to beat it to get what you want in life. France's social anxiety causes her to think about everything she says and acts around others and causes her to seem like an outcast even though her goal to make friends.