# data[].attributes.headline
How White Parents Can Talk to Their Kids About Race

# data[].attributes.subject
How White Parents Can Talk to Their Kids About Race

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
subscribe to Life Kit podcast

subscribe to Life Kit podcast

Most people have heard about "the talk" - the conversation many African American parents have with their kids about how to avoid altercations with police or what to do and say if they're stopped.

The recent unrest sparked by anger over police brutality against African Americans has parents who aren't black thinking more about how they talk to their kids about race.

Michel Martin, weekend host of All Things Considered, spoke with Jennifer Harvey, author of Raising White Kids: Bringing Up Children in a Racially Unjust America.
This conversation has been edited for length and clarity. Michel Martin: You wrote a piece for CNN about how not to raise racist kids. You said most white parents have come up in families in which white silence was a pervasive norm in our socialization. These same parents are now passing such silence on to their kids. Could you talk a bit more about that? What is the consequence of that silence?
Jennifer Harvey: Many white Americans were raised in families that thought that they were teaching equality. The way that they did that was to just say, "Well, we're all equal" and not say anything more explicit about what it means when you believe everyone should be equal.

Many members of our society do not experience equality. And so what happens is that in the racist culture we live in - Dr. Beverly Daniel Tatum talks about it as "smog" - our kids, our youth, we adults just breathe it in. So we end up showing up in racist ways, even when we come from families where equality was the presumed value.

It breeds a lack of capacity among white people to engage in conversations about race and to respond when racism is happening. If I hear racism out on the street or from a co-worker, should I challenge it? What should I say about it? If my African American colleagues or friends see me be silent because I don't know what to do, I become untrustworthy.
With videos like the one of George Floyd's death, do you wait for your child to come to you? Do you show it to the child and say, "This is something I need to talk about with you?"
My daughter is told, "Police are safe - go find one if you're in trouble," but her African American cousin is learning complicated messages about the police from his parents. Those differing messages mean they can be great friends for a while. But eventually, the depth of their friendship will erode because my white child will not be able to identify with her African American cousin or her African American friends.

White Americans have to teach our kids how to identify with that experience and how to be good friends to black and brown youth as they grow up. That requires us teaching them about racism. And it requires us modeling anti-racism, which is something a lot of white Americans really struggle with.

White families should not wait to talk about racism with children, because segregation is so deep that if we just wait, it will never come up. I never show my children videos of black people being killed by police, and I try not to watch those videos myself. But I do talk about the videos with them.
How are you discussing the unrest that's being shown in the media?
I started doing that work with my own children before they even had words. I would make sure we were in spaces where we were opposing police brutality, attending vigils and organizing. I knew they wouldn't exactly understand what was going on. One time after a rally, my 5-year-old said, "Black people are not safe." And I said, "Yes, that's true." And then she said, "But we're white, so we are safe." And I said, "Yeah, that's true too."

Then I said to her, "The reason we went to this rally is because we're trying to tell the government that everybody deserves to be safe." So now, six years later, she's already got a deep understanding of this. And so we can talk about what happened to George Floyd. We're much further along the conversation.

I discussed that with my children by talking with them about how they might respond when they have been harmed or an injustice or an unfairness has happened to them and they aren't heard. Because we've been having these conversations, my kids understand that peaceful protest has not yielded justice for black and brown people in this country.
For people who say, "You know what - this stuff just gives me a headache. I don't want to be bothered. This isn't my problem. Why do I have to think about this? I have problems of my own," what do you say?
We're wrestling with it as a family and acknowledging that it's really unsettling, but also appreciating that people are really hurt and really angry. And the government hasn't responded.

I'm always trying to complicate messages about following rules and obeying the law. I made sure they knew that Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr. were breaking the law. They need to know sometimes that's what's required. They're certainly unsettled and it's a scary time for everybody, but they do appreciate that when you've been hurt and harmed and no one is given justice, sometimes eruptions happen.
This story originally aired on The audio was adapted for the Life Kit podcast by Audrey Nguyen, and the text was adapted for digital by Sylvie Douglis. If you want more Life Kit, subscribe to our weekly newsletter. All Things Considered.
I ask them, would they call it a headache if it was their child or their sister or their brother or their parent? We're talking about our fellow human beings. What would you do on behalf of your own?

And then my work as a parent is to raise my kids in a way where they experience communities of color, black people, Latino people, being human beings they identify with as part of their human network. And that's something that hasn't really happened in part because of segregation in the United States.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
How White Parents Can Talk To Their Kids About Race : Life Kit

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
NPR's Michel Martin talks with Jennifer Harvey, author of Raising White Kids: Bringing Up Children in a Racially Unjust America, about how to talk with white kids about racially charged events - and how to keep the conversation going.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Listen to ‘1619,’ a Podcast From The New York Times (Published 2020)

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
An audio series on how slavery has transformed America, connecting past and present through the oldest form of storytelling.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER

Recommended by Oprah's Book Club, ESSENCE, We Need Diverse Books, ellentube, Brit + Co, PureWow, Teen Vogue, Time, New York, USA TODAY, and TODAY.com

Now available: This Book Is Anti-Racist Journal, a guided journal with more than 50 activities to support your anti-racism journey

Who are you? What is racism? Where does it come from? Why does it exist? What can you do to disrupt it? Learn about social identities, the history of racism and resistance against it, and how you can use your anti-racist lens and voice to move the world toward equity and liberation.

"In a racist society, it's not enough to be non-racist--we must be ANTI-RACIST." --Angela Davis

Gain a deeper understanding of your anti-racist self as you progress through 20 chapters that spark introspection, reveal the origins of racism that we are still experiencing, and give you the courage and power to undo it. Each chapter builds on the previous one as you learn more about yourself and racial oppression. 20 activities get you thinking and help you grow with the knowledge. All you need is a pen and paper.

Author Tiffany Jewell, an anti-bias, anti-racist educator and activist, builds solidarity beginning with the language she chooses--using gender neutral words to honor everyone who reads the book. Illustrator Aurélia Durand brings the stories and characters to life with kaleidoscopic vibrancy.

After examining the concepts of social identity, race, ethnicity, and racism, learn about some of the ways people of different races have been oppressed, from indigenous Americans and Australians being sent to boarding school to be "civilized" to a generation of Caribbean immigrants once welcomed to the UK being threatened with deportation by strict immigration laws.

Find hope in stories of strength, love, joy, and revolution that are part of our history, too, with such figures as the former slave Toussaint Louverture, who led a rebellion against white planters that eventually led to Haiti's independence, and Yuri Kochiyama, who, after spending time in an internment camp for Japanese Americans during WWII, dedicated her life to supporting political prisoners and advocating reparations for those wrongfully interned.

Learn language and phrases to interrupt and disrupt racism. So, when you hear a microaggression or racial slur, you'll know how to act next time.

This book is written for EVERYONE who lives in this racialized society--including the young person who doesn't know how to speak up to the racist adults in their life, the kid who has lost themself at times trying to fit into the dominant culture, the children who have been harmed (physically and emotionally) because no one stood up for them or they couldn't stand up for themselves, and also for their families, teachers, and administrators.

With this book, be empowered to actively defy racism and xenophobia to create a community (large and small) that truly honors everyone.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
this book is anti-racist: 20 lessons on how to wake up

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
juvenile nonfiction / social science / politics & government

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
juvenile nonfiction / social topics / prejudice & racism

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
juvenile nonfiction / social topics / self-esteem & self-reliance

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
social topics - self-esteem & self-reliance

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
young adult nonfiction / social science / politics & government

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
young adult nonfiction/people & places - general

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
young adult nonfiction/social activism & volunteering

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
young adult nonfiction/social topics - prejudice & racism

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
young adult nonfiction/social topics - self-esteem & self-reliance

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
juvenile nonfiction / social science / politics & government

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
juvenile nonfiction / social topics / prejudice & racism

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
juvenile nonfiction / social topics / self-esteem & self-reliance

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
young adult nonfiction / social science / politics & government

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
young adult nonfiction/people & places - general

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
young adult nonfiction/social activism & volunteering

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
young adult nonfiction/social topics - prejudice & racism

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
young adult nonfiction/social topics - self-esteem & self-reliance

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
This Book Is Anti-Racist: 20 Lessons on How to Wake Up, Take Action, and Do The Work (Empower the Future, 1)

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Amazon.com: This Book Is Anti-Racist: 20 Lessons on How to Wake Up, Take Action, and Do The Work (Empower the Future, 1) (9780711245211): Jewell, Tiffany, Durand, Aurelia: Books

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Putting our best book forward

Each Great on Kindle book offers a great reading experience, at a better value than print to keep your wallet happy.

Explore your book, then jump right back to where you left off with Page Flip.

View high quality images that let you zoom in to take a closer look.

Enjoy features only possible in digital - start reading right away, carry your library with you, adjust the font, create shareable notes and highlights, and more.

Discover additional details about the events, people, and places in your book, with Wikipedia integration.

Ask Alexa to read your book with Audible integration or text-to-speech.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
biography & autobiography / personal memoirs

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
political science / political process / political advocacy

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
social science / discrimination & race relations

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
social discrimination and equal treatment

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
antiracism; memoirs; memoir; equality; justice; racism; social justice; racial justice; civil rights; race in america; race; race relations; political science; law; american history; history books; ethics; history; ibram x. kendi; ibram kendi; autobiographies; inequality; political justice; political books; lgbtq; feminism; how to be an anti racist; white privilege; systemic racism; institutional racism; new york times best sellers; black history books; books on racism; african american books; black authors; sociology; biography

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
biography & autobiography / personal memoirs

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
political science / political process / political advocacy

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
social science / discrimination & race relations

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
social discrimination and equal treatment

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
How to Be an Antiracist [Kendi, Ibram X.] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. How to Be an Antiracist