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Hampshire and Isle of Wight NHS Foundation Trust

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Hampshire and Isle of Wight NHS Foundation Trust

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Hampshire :: Hampshire and Isle of Wight NHS Foundation Trust

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PANDAS Foundation

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Postnatal depression (PND) is a type of depression that many parents experience after having a baby. It can affect any parent, regardless of whether they've suffered from a mental health condition before. Postnatal depression is linked directly to giving birth and is a common problem, affecting 1 in 10 women within a year of giving birth.

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Dads Matter

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Caring for someone with Postnatal Depression

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Caring for someone with Postnatal Depression

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Dads Matter

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Postnatal depression in dads - 10 things you should know

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Postnatal depression in dads - 10 things you should know

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NCT

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Whether it's sleep deprivation, money worries, new responsibilities, or the relationship dynamic shifting, dads also have a lot to take on board. This is a huge life change for both parents. On top of this, dads and co-parents might feel guilty about what their partner is going through, knowing they aren't the ones breastfeeding at 3am or healing from labour and birth.

Here's what you need to know about postnatal depression in partners. (Most of the research has been conducted in fathers to date, so while we often refer to dads below, we know it can apply to all types of partners.)

1. Dads and partners can experience depression in the first year after birth

The number of men who become depressed in the first year after becoming a dad is double that of the general population (Davé et al, 2010). Twenty five percent of dads experience mild depressive symptoms (Noorullah et al, 2020) and around 10% to 12% have a diagnosis of depression (Paulson et al, 2010; Philpott and Corcoran, 2018).

First time dads are appear to be more vulnerable to postnatal depression than dads welcoming subsequent children (Fatherhood Institute, 2010).

2. Postnatal depression in men and other partners often goes undiagnosed

The peak time for postnatal depression in men is three to six months after the birth (Fatherhood Institute, 2010).

As with postnatal depression in mums, it often goes undiagnosed. The symptoms can look a lot like the everyday stresses of having a newborn (Musser et al, 2013).

If you have concerns about your own or your partner's mental health, do seek help from your GP who can help you to access support services.

3. Hormonal changes may play a role

Just as with mums, changes in hormones might make postnatal depression in dads more likely (Saxbe et al, 2017).

Hormones including testosterone, oestrogen, cortisol, vasopressin, and prolactin may change in dads during the period after their babies arrive (Kim and Swain, 2007).

4. Postnatal depression in dads and partners is more likely if the mum has depression too

If one of you is experiencing emotional or mental health difficulties, it's more likely that the other is too. Of fathers with depressed partners, a quarter to half may experience depression themselves (Fatherhood Institute, 2010).

5. A range of factors can make dads and partners more likely to get postnatal depression

Dads who are under 25 are more likely to experience postnatal depression than their older counterparts (Davé et al, 2010).

Yet age isn't the only risk factor for postnatal depression in men. Other major risk factors include a history of depression and anxiety, financial pressures, and no longer being in a relationship with the child's mother (Huang and Warner, 2005; Wee et al, 2010; Nazareth, 2011).

Other factors that make postnatal depression in men more likely include: sleeping or crying issues with the baby; drug abuse or dependence; and feeling unsupported by their partners (Huang and Warner, 2005; Fatherhood Institute, 2010; Stadtlander, 2015).

However, the relationship between these factors is unclear so they might not necessarily be the direct cause of mental health difficulties.

6. Postnatal depression in dads and partners can show itself in different ways than in mums

Symptoms can include:

fear, confusion, helplessness and uncertainty about the future

withdrawal from family life, work and social situations

indecisiveness

frustration, irritability, cynicism and anger

marital conflict

partner violence

negative parenting behaviours

alcohol and drug use

physical symptoms like indigestion, changes in appetite and weight, diarrhoea, constipation, headaches, toothaches and nausea.

(Musser et al, 2013; Stadtlander, 2015)

7. Postnatal depression in dads and partners can take its toll on their relationships

Postnatal depression in dads can affect their relationship with the baby's mother (Wee et al, 2011; Demontigny et al, 2013). It can also affect the relationship they have with their child. They may play and engage less with their children and talk more negatively about and to them. They may sing and read less to their children, and may discipline them more harshly (Sethna et al, 2015).

8. Postnatal depression in dads and partners can have an impact on the development of their child

Dads' depression is associated with emotional, social and behavioural problems as well as developmental delay in their children (Fatherhood Institute, 2010).

The association is stronger when a father experiences antenatal as well as postnatal depression, and when his symptoms are particularly severe. There is also a stronger association when the mum also has mental health problems (Stadtlander, 2015).

9. Screening is available

You might associate screening with physical illness but mental health diagnoses are catching up. Men who are concerned about their mental health can use this NHS screening tool (NHS, 2020). Alternatively, if you're concerned, see your GP or call NHS 111.

10. Postnatal depression in dads and partners is treated the same as postnatal depression in mums

The treatment of paternal postnatal depression is in its early stages. Currently, the options for treatment are the same as for mothers with psychotropic medication and/or talking therapies (Nazareth, 2011; NHS, 2018).

Relationship counselling may also be useful (Musser et al, 2013).

Most, importantly share how you're feeling. You're not alone and support is available.
This page was last reviewed in February 2022.
We run Partners in Mind, a peer-to-peer support group for dads and partners in the North West. There are lots of videos and online resources to help you manage your mental health, as well as groups so you can meet and talk to other dads. Take a look at their information page here, email parentsinmindnw@nct.org.uk or follow them on Instagram @nctparentsinmindpartners and on Facebook @NCT Parents in Mind.

Our support line offers practical and emotional support in all areas of pregnancy, birth and early parenthood: 0300 330 0700. We also offer antenatal courses that are a great way for both parents to find out more about birth, labour and life with a new baby.

For information and support, visit Fathers Reaching Out run by Mark Williams, campaigner, speaker and writer.

The Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) is leading a movement against male suicide, the single biggest killer of men under 45 in the UK.

The Hub of Hope is a national mental health database, bringing help and support together in one place, with a focus on grassroots organisation.

ANDYSMANCLUB is a non judgmental, talking group for men.

DadsNet offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.

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Postnatal depression in dads and co-parents: 10 things you should know | Life as a parent articles & support | NCT

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Whether it's sleep deprivation, money worries, new responsibilities, or the relationship dynamic shifting, dads also have a lot to take on board. This is a huge life change for both parents. On top of this, dads and co-parents might feel guilty about what their partner is going through, knowing they aren't the ones breastfeeding at 3am or healing from labour and birth.

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Perinatal mental health in LGBTQ+ parents

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Perinatal mental health in LGBTQ+ parents

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Becoming a parent brings a range of joys and challenges to most people. However, if you identify as LGBTQ+ you may experience additional concerns.

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The hidden impact of male postnatal depression

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The hidden impact of male postnatal depression

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from The Guardian

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eventy hours into the birth of his first child, Lewis was told that his wife needed to be rushed into surgery for an emergency C-section. The pregnancy had been straightforward and full of nervous excitement, but, as crisis presented itself, Lewis found himself unprepared.

"I still can't talk about it properly now, five years on," the 35-year-old says. "It was horrific. I didn't know what was going on and I couldn't do anything except stand by and watch as my wife and my baby's lives were potentially in danger. The whole thing was a blur, but it felt like it would go on for ever."

An hour or so later, his son was delivered. His wife was fine and the baby was healthy. Yet the memory of the traumatic birth kept replaying in Lewis's mind, long after the family returned home. "My wife was still recovering from major surgery, so I was left alone with my child, but I didn't feel that special connection that everyone talks about," he says. "I just wanted to make sure my wife was OK. My baby became something I had to deal with."

Lewis found himself going through the motions of parenting - sleeping fitfully each night, changing nappies constantly, looking on while mother and child bonded through breastfeeding - but he struggled to connect with his child. He began to feel deeply sad, as if there might be something wrong with him; so many other new fathers seemed enamoured of their babies.

'It felt like there was no escape.' Photograph: Justin Paget/Getty Images (posed by models)

As he later found out, he was experiencing the symptoms of postnatal depression (PND), which remains largely unexplored in men. PND is well established as a mood disorder that affects women, with between 10% and 15% of mothers thought to experience it. In the UK, new mothers are monitored for PND during routine NHS health visits. New fathers, however, have no access to standardised care or routine checkups on the NHS, despite research finding that up to 10% of them exhibit symptoms.

"Both parents are equally susceptible to mental health challenges during and after birth," says Dr Sharin Baldwin, the clinical academic lead for nursing at theLondon north west university healthcare NHS trust. "Recent years have seen caring responsibilities become shared and there is an expectation that dads need to be more involved. That combination can create more pressure on men who want to be good dads, but might feel as if they're not good enough or that they can't burden their partners with their own worries."

Baldwin, a health visitor, is one of the few researchers to study the prevalence of postnatal depression in men. Her interest in the topic began when her husband told her how he felt excluded by child health services after the birth of their first child, with each piece of literature or help for infants seemingly naming only "mothers and babies". She began a three-part New Dad Study in 2016, interviewing 21 men from different ethnicities and backgrounds about their experiences of having children.

If men don't have a social network within which they can talk or share their feelings, things can get worse

She found that a number of themes tied them together. "A lot of the men spoke about their exhaustion with having to go back to work and still care for their children when they were at home, as well as the difficulty in being separated from them," she says. "There were also concerns raised about expectations not matching with reality, like dads being surprised that their partner might struggle with breastfeeding and then feeling as if they weren't able to help. Ultimately, their issues might not feel as important as the birthing partner's and so they often neglect their own needs."

Lewis felt conflicted when he went back to work after two weeks of parental leave. "The office was really tiring, but I needed the break from being at home," he says. "I felt so guilty when I got back, for missing out, as well as sometimes relieved. I didn't want to make life harder for my wife by telling her." Nonetheless, she noticed his apathy and his fluctuating mood; she encouraged him to seek help. "She told me that if I didn't sort this out now it would affect our son's life and our relationship," he says. "She didn't want me to work myself to the bone and not be present any more."

After being put on a waiting list for NHS counselling, Lewis decided to pay for private sessions so that he could start immediately. "A few months in, I began to make sense of my feelings and realise that the birth had been hard for both of us," he says. "It really helped being able to talk about it and the weight lifted. I could begin to feel unconditional love for my boy. I wish I had known earlier that, even though there might be a lack of connection initially, it would come."

Baldwin says PND can affect men who have adopted children, as well as those in same-sex couples; there can be an expectation to parent without complaint after going through a lengthy adoption or surrogacy process. "Support is really important," she says. "If men don't have a social network within which they can talk or share their feelings, they might feel cut off and then things can get worse."

hen James, 38, became a father, he felt extremely isolated. After he and his partner had gone through two unsuccessful rounds of IVF and begun to look into adoption, she became pregnant naturally in 2019 and gave birth to their "miracle baby" at the height of the Covid pandemic. "The lockdowns meant that we were almost entirely alone, which became really hard," he says. "We had gone through so much to have a child and I was so excited for her arrival that I wasn't expecting how tough it might be. I felt awful."

Sleeping only four or five hours a night, James became deeply affected by his daughter's screams, anticipating their arrival and sometimes hearing noises when there were none. "It felt like there was no escape, especially since we couldn't even really go outside," he says. "Everyone else was also having their own difficult experiences of Covid, so there wasn't much space to share how I was feeling. I kept everything inside and began to dread the long nights."

Ian Coleman, a therapist with the Counselling Directory, describes the "doom loop" that he encounters with new fathers who come to him for help. "Men can have these traditionally masculine notions of needing to cope, which means they don't talk about their feelings and then they feel guilt at not doing well, which makes the depression worse," he says.

"Caring for yourself can be seen as selfish, but it's necessary. Men often don't have a roadmap for fatherhood and they might not want to repeat how their own fathers were, so they need perspective to understand that their lives are objectively difficult in those moments."

James says his father was largely absent, busy at work, when he was growing up. He was determined to be more hands on with his daughter, even if he was struggling. "I didn't even know men could get postnatal depression, but as the lockdowns lifted and I reconnected with my friends and family, I asked the other dads I knew about their experiences and they began telling me how hard it had been for them, too," he says.

The pressure James had been feeling began to subside and he felt as if he could parent on his own terms. "Looking back now, I can't believe there isn't more awareness about the issue and that there aren't more resources available, since it seems so common," he says.

he PND support charity Pandas has seen its private Facebook group for new fathers grow to 800 members since it was established in 2020. There has been a "slow but steady increase" in people reaching out to its support services specifically for men, says Annie Belasco, who runs the charity. She says the mental health of new dads is often overlooked. "With 25% to 50% of fathers experiencing anxiety or depression when the mother also has a perinatal mental illness, the demand will only grow."

Baldwin agrees, noting the need for more resources. "We need national guidance to assess fathers routinely. Health visiting numbers in England have dropped by 40% since 2015 and, with this disinvestment, we struggle to identify fathers who need more support," she says. "Between 8% and 10% of fathers might experience PND, but those are only the ones that we know about. The real figure could be higher."

As research into men's mental health develops, with studies finding that fathers go through hormonal changes after birth, it seems clear that awareness of the realities of fatherhood needs to be increased. The stigma is still prevalent - as evinced by the fact that each man I spoke to about their experiences did not want to share their full name.

"It's difficult to admit that something as natural as fatherhood has been so hard for you, but it feels important to do it," Lewis says. "Us dads need to look after ourselves, as well as our partners and kids." Five years after that emergency C-section, Lewis's son has started school and Lewis and his wife have had another child. "I love them both so deeply," he says. "Even though it has been really tough at points, they are the best parts of my life."
Some names have been changed

In the UK, the charity Mind is available on 0300 123 3393 and Childline on 0800 1111. In the US, Mental Health America is available on 800-273-8255. In Australia, support is available at Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636, Lifeline on 13 11 14 and MensLine on 1300 789 978

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'I didn't even know men could get it': the hidden impact of male postnatal depression

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eventy hours into the birth of his first child, Lewis was told that his wife needed to be rushed into surgery for an emergency C-section. The pregnancy had been straightforward and full of nervous excitement, but, as crisis presented itself, Lewis found himself unprepared.

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Spotting signs of postnatal depression in your partner

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Spotting signs of postnatal depression in your partner

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NCT

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Between 10% to 20% of women get postnatal depression (PND) in the first year after they give birth (NICE, 2016). And around 10% of men get postnatal depression too (Paulson et al, 2006). So you're definitely not alone in this.

Watch our video where one dad talks about his experience and read on to see how two other dads helped themselves and their partners.

Noticing signs of postnatal depression

Postnatal depression has many different symptoms. Changes in your partner's physical wellbeing and behaviour are signs to look out for.

Mark began to feel something wasn't right with his wife Michelle soon after their son Ethan was born.

"It was clear from day one that Michelle wasn't herself. She became withdrawn and scared when left alone. I could see in her eyes that something wasn't right."

You might find that your partner becomes more withdrawn and is reluctant to leave the house. Their appetite or eating patterns might change, and they might be more irritable than usual or have sleep problems (Boots Alliance Trust, 2013).

Ben noticed his wife Abi became anxious and distant after their daughter Chloe was born.

"Abi started to have feelings of being worthless and acted obsessively. She spent hours cleaning baby things and writing lists of what needed to happen each day. "She couldn't sleep, began to lose weight dramatically and started saying Chloe would be better off without her. It was like she was a shell of a person and not the same woman anymore."

Does my partner have postnatal depression?

It can be hard to spot the signs of PND. Especially as some of the symptoms, such as disturbed sleep, low sex drive and lack of concentration, are common among new mums (MIND, 2020). After all, it's normal to experience some stress and feel overwhelmed as a new parent. This is why it's so important to check in with your partner regularly to ask how they are feeling to help you both be more aware of any persistent mood changes.

"Always try to use open-ended questions. You could ask how her day has been, how she's feeling, what she's struggled with or if there's anything you can do to help," suggests Mark.

"My advice is to ask questions and check for any changes in behaviour, like whether they're withdrawing from friends and family," says Ben.

As the onset of PND is often gradual, many people don't realise they have it (Public Health England, 2019). Some might try to hide their feelings because they think they're a bad parent, a failure, or that they'll be judged (RCOG, 2017). Others fear that social services might get involved or that their baby may be taken away from them if they admit to being unwell (NICE, 2018). In fact, 30% never get professional help (Boots Family Trust Alliance, 2013).

"So, partners need to watch that bit closer and trust their instincts if they feel something isn't right.

"Be aware of listening to your partner. Let them talk uninterrupted. Sometimes, all they needs to know is that you're there and you understand," suggested Mark.

Postnatal depression: the symptoms

A persistent feeling of sadness and low mood.

Frequently crying for no obvious reason.

Loss of interest in the world and no longer enjoying things that used to bring happiness.

Speaking negatively all the time.

Withdrawing from contact with other people.

A lack of energy and feeling tired all the time.

Trouble sleeping at night and feeling sleepy during the day.

Feeling unable to look after the baby.

Problems concentrating and making decisions.

A loss of appetite or an increased appetite (comfort eating).

Being agitated and irritable or having an apathetic 'can't be bothered' feeling.

Feelings of guilt, hopelessness and self-blame.

Difficulty bonding with baby - a feeling of indifference, not wanting to play and no sense of enjoyment in their company.

Frightening thoughts - perhaps about hurting the baby (though these are very rarely acted upon).

Thinking about suicide and self-harm.

Neglecting appearance, such as not washing or changing clothes.

Losing all sense of time, for example, not being aware whether 10 minutes or two hours have passed.

Constantly worrying that something is wrong with baby.

(NHS, 2018; Royal College of Psychiatrists, 2018a,b; MIND, 2020)

Encouraging your partner to be open with their feelings

Making time to talk... and to listen is important (Royal College of Psychiatrists, 2018b). You might also need to be extra careful with your language and assumptions. PND is a mental health illness, and it's not possible to 'snap out of it' or cure it with positive thinking (Royal College of Psychiatrists, 2018b).

It can be tricky to find the right words to talk about PND. You could try phrases like:

'I know you've been having a tough time lately.'

'I've noticed you haven't quite been yourself.'

If talking face-to-face is proving difficult, you could try to connect by sending a message.

You could encourage your partner to write things down in a mood diary if they're struggling to talk. Journals and mood diaries can help people with PND to notice which people, places and activities can improve or worsen their mood (MIND, 2020). You can find some more tips here on how to talk and listen to your partner.

Being understanding: when your partner has postnatal depression

Being kind and gentle is essential as this is a difficult and sensitive subject. It might take time for your partner to feel ready to talk, or to acknowledge that they may be experiencing PND.

"Try not to make negative comments as this may be the only opportunity they will really open up to you," cautions Mark.

If your partner opens up about distressing thoughts they're having, try not to show you're too alarmed. The best thing you can do is not judge.

If you are worried your partner might harm themself or the baby, it's very important to take this seriously. Seek urgent help from your GP, local mental health service or accident and emergency department (Royal College of Psychiatrists, 2018a).

Try to understand what your partner might be going through by reading about and researching the nature of the illness. You could look up local and national support groups, forums or blogs. They might be comforted to see they're not alone in feeling the way they do.

It's good to trust your instincts too.

"If you don't see things improving, speak to other specialists as there could be something else triggering the PND. Doctors can sometimes be wrong," adds Ben.

What helps postnatal depression?

It's vital that your partner gets support. You might want to offer to schedule a visit from your health visitor or make a GP appointment. You could also accompany your partner so they don't feel alone.

"Tell your health visitor and your family. Please don't suffer in silence as the quicker you get help the quicker the recovery is for families," advises Mark.

Remember that health professionals are there to help. They might offer psychological (talking therapies), medication or a combination of both. It'll depend on the illness and your partner's wishes (NHS, 2018).

Will their postnatal depression ever go away?

When your partner has PND, it's so important to offer them reassurance. Tell them:

they're a good parent

they're doing a great job under tough circumstances

the baby won't be taken away (this can be a common fear among parents with PND)

you're there to help

you're proud of them for getting treatment

they will get better.

How to offer practical help to your partner

Support from loved ones is one of the greatest healers (Boots Alliance Trust, 2013). There are also lots of practical ways you can support them and help ease the burden.

Tips for helping your partner who has PND

Help around the house.

Be at home as much as you can.

Take the pressure off when you are not at work.

Take on more responsibility - or enlist more help if you can't - particularly in the first year when there's a lot of change, exhaustion and stress.

Make sure your partner gets enough sleep.

Support them with feeding the baby the way they want to.

Try to make healthy meals, and encourage them to eat even though they may not have much of an appetite; cutting down on alcohol and caffeine is also helpful.

Make thoughtful suggestions - would she like a relaxing bath or to do some exercise, which can work wonders for how you feel.

Take her lead as well - ask her what she needs or wants to do.

(Cooney et al, 2013; NHS, 2018)

Giving her time out is important but so is spending time together. New mums can feel like they've lost sight of who they are, so you may want to find things you can still enjoy together like going for walks, watching DVDs for a simple date night or seeing friends.

For more self-care tips, see our article Postnatal depression: the questions you really want to ask.

Coping with a partner with postnatal depression

It is normal to feel shocked, disappointed, scared, frustrated or helpless to discover your partner has PND (Royal College of Psychiatrists, 2018a). And it can be upsetting, stressful and exhausting to live with someone with PND (MIND, 2020). Here's how one dad coped with his wife's depression.

You will need support yourself and need to let off steam, so try to find family, friends or other people who you can confide in (Royal College of Psychiatrists, 2018b).

Ben explains the impact PND had on him:

"It's the most scared and anxious I have ever felt. I had heart palpitations and mild panic symptoms. It made me angry not being able to get through to her and I was worried she'd do something terrible that would impact our child for ever."

In fact, partners of those suffering PND can be more susceptible to depression - with between 24% and 50% also getting depression themselves (Fatherhood Institute, 2010).

This was certainly the case for Mark:

"I blamed myself and became angry. I couldn't tell Michelle as I didn't want it to affect her mental health so I carried on hiding it every day. Men don't share and talk about our feelings due to the stigma. But if you don't look after yourself, how can you look after your family?"

The most important thing to remember is that help is available for both of you - and that things can improve for your family.

If you feel your mental health is being affected, speak to you GP.
This page was last reviewed in January 2022.
Further information

Our support line offers practical and emotional support with feeding your baby: 0300 330 0700.

You might find attending one of NCT's Early Days groups helpful as they give you the opportunity to explore different approaches to important parenting issues with a qualified group leader and other new parents in your area.

Make friends with other parents-to-be and new parents in your local area for support and friendship by seeing what NCT activities are happening nearby.

Mind, a leading mental health charity, provides information on a range of mental health topics, including postnatal depression, and has an infoline for support: 0300 123 3393.

You can call the Samaritans for free for listening and support any time of the day on 116 123.

PANDAS (PND Awareness & Support) is support service for families and their networks who are experiencing a perinatal mental illness. They have a free helpline that you can call on 0808 1961 776.

To find out more about postnatal depression from a partner's perspective, see this article from the Royal College of Psychiatrists.

Read about our Hidden Half campaign, which aims to get postnatal mental illness out of hiding.

Support networks for partners include Dad Matters and Dadvengers.

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Spotting signs of postnatal depression in your partner | Life as a parent articles & support | NCT

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Sometimes, partners will be the first to notice something isn't right. But what are the signs of postnatal depression and how can you find support?

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12 things every new mum wants you to know, without having to tell you. 

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12 things every new mum wants you to know, without having to tell you. 

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Pinky Mckay

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Congratulations on becoming a dad. It's exciting and exhilarating but it's also exhausting and it can be damn confusing too, as you not only get to know your new little baby but you find yourself trying to figure out how to support your partner who seems to have turned into a completely different woman. She is exhausted from giving birth, flooded with hormones that make her cry whichever way you look at her and she seems so overwhelmed with love for your baby, you wonder if she even needs you anymore. If you are expecting a baby or you have a newborn, here are some things every new mum wants her partner to know (even if she hasn't realized it yet.)
1) Take a babymoon
Just like a honeymoon is about getting to know each other away from the distraction and stresses of every day life, a baby moon is a time for getting to know your baby and adjusting to becoming a family. Take as much time off as you can and please don't plan renovations.

Of course you will be so proud of your new baby that you will want to show him off to all your friends and family. Please stop right there! it's important to limit visitors in the early days as your partner is recovering from birth and learning to breastfeed. She will be exhausted, hormonal and vulnerable. She's also sore, self-conscious and overwhelmed. If she is struggling with breastfeeding, call the Australian Breastfeeding Association, get an IBCLC lactation consultant to come to your home or take your partner to a breastfeeding clinic (your maternity hospital may have one). Your support is the single biggest factor in her breastfeeding success.

Remember, the more rest and privacy your partner has now, the quicker she will recover and develop confidence Good friends will understand you asking them to give your new family some space. And, If you want to 'wet the baby's head' with your friends, please do this before your partner comes home from hospital - she doesn't need a hung-over partner slumped on the couch when she has been up all night with a newborn (newborns don't get day and night sorted for weeks).
2) Give her a break
When you come home from work and the house is a mess and your partner is still in her pyjamas, in the chair you left her in with the baby, don't ask her what she has done today and don't give her advice. She doesn't want to hear, "you could have got dressed while he was asleep (he didn't damn well sleep. That's why she's still sitting in the chair in her pyjamas!)." And don't dare ask "did you call the bank/repair man/my mother?" She doesn't care. She is tired (even though it looks like she has done nothing except sit in a chair and cuddle the baby - who now seems perfectly calm because she has sat in the chair and cuddled and fed and burped him all damn day). Give her a kiss and a cuddle and ask her what you can do to help (see also, tell her you love her) Or, even better, make her a drink, get her some food and offer to hold the baby or take him for a walk while she enjoys a HOT cuppa or a shower. Tomorrow night, bring dinner home with you - she may have had a better day but she will love you even more for caring.
3) Put her to bed
Sleep deprivation is a bitch - you will be tired too but she needs rest to recover from growing, birthing and making milk for your baby. Rest now will see her recover and have more energy to enjoy being a mother - and more energy for having fun (and sex) with you, much sooner. Take your baby after the early morning feed and let your partner sleep in or take baby for a walk in a carrier (see, wear your baby) or pram in the evening or on weekends and send her to bed. Every hour of sleep is precious and will help her be a more patient mum and partner.
4) Do tell her you love her. A lot.
Tell her she's beautiful. Thank her for your beautiful baby. It's hard to feel beautiful and lovable when you are covered in milk and vomit and can barely find time for a shower or clean clothes because you are so busy sitting in a chair holding and feeding and burping your baby all day. And if your partner is being a complete b**** to you doesn't mean she doesn't love or need you. ‪ Remember, she is exhausted, hormonal and vulnerable, it's normal for her to be emotional or teary. But do keep an eye on things, and support her to get help if she needs it - one in five women will develop postnatal depression. This is an illness. It is treatable, the sooner the better. If you are worried, call PANDA or Beyond Blue or go with her to your GP.
5) Wear your baby
Have a carrier ready before your baby is born. Beware though, a man wearing a baby becomes a 'chick magnet' (mostly to little old ladies) when he is out on his own with the baby. Suck up the attention but take the advice with a pinch of salt - and don't suggest any of it to your partner. She will be receiving so much advice from others, she doesn't need any more noise in her head - unless its so bloody ridiculous it will make her laugh.

6) You're not "helping out" your partner.

You're parenting! Family, friends and complete strangers will coo over every thing you do (see, wearing your baby). That is lovely, because parenthood is a huge adjustment for both of you, but please remember to point out to everyone how wonderful your partner is too, and all the things they're doing right -mothers tend to get taken for granted or even criticized for how they do things.
7) Take her side - even (or especially) against your own mother
Always take your partner's side, no matter what your mother and friends say. When people ask you, "is he a good baby?" remember the next question will be "does he sleep all night?" This is none of their business (are they offering to do an overnighter or have they come with casseroles?). Be polite but throw them off at the pass with the first question: Tell them, no he's a bad baby, he's already robbing banks/getting a tattoo/ we are putting him on Ebay next week. With luck, they will forget to ask, 'how is he sleeping?" And you just might get away without hearing about the 'bad habits' you are creating. If you are making different choices to your family and friends, read up, take classes, be informed, so you can defend your choices as a team (remember, your partner is exhausted, hormonal and vulnerable).
8) Just do it!
If you're not comfortable doing something, like dressing or bathing your baby for fear you might do it 'wrong' or hurt the baby, just do it anyway. The more you try, the easier it will be, And, when you are going out, get yourself ready then help get the baby ready while your partner gets herself ready. If you don't want it all to end up in tears (hers) or having to wait while she feeds the baby. Again! pitch in and help get everyone out the door. "Stepping up' and being a team player right from the start is an investment in your relationship with your baby and your partner relationship.
9) Don't mention the mess. Ever.
There will be mess - baby stuff, washing (how can one tiny person create so much washing?), all the gear you haven't unpacked from hospital, dying flowers and all the gifts people give you for babies that you haven't put away yet. Pick up after yourself (and her) and don't make a fuss. She doesn't want to hear that you popped on a load of washing - really? You found the laundry detergent and pressed the buttons all by yourself? Now go and hang it out, it doesn't matter that its night time and it won't dry now. It could be lunchtime or later (see, sitting in the chair all day feeding and burping and cuddling) before she gets to hanging it out tomorrow and it won't dry then either but if it's out now, it could just catch some sunlight tomorrow and she can bring it in when she gets a break.

If you work long hours or feel overwhelmed too, organize for someone to help- hire a cleaner or ask grandparents for help.
10) Tell her she's doing a great job - every day.
Be specific so she believes you. Tell her, "I love the way you....." Or "I love watching you......." (fill in the gaps ). She will get loads of advice but hardly anybody tells a new mum she's doing a great job. And there's not much positive feedback from a newborn - they can't even smile yet! Remember, she's exhausted, hormonal and vulnerable - she needs her tank filled to help her make it through the tough stuff.
11.)Take photos of mum and baby
You will no doubt be taking photos of every little grimace your baby makes and every cute little outfit you dress him in. You will take photos with visitors, photos with relatives but so often, it is the mother who is taking most of the photos. Then, down the track, months later (or when your child looks through his photo album), you realize there are very few mum and baby pics. Get photos of mum and baby and of you both together with your baby - when these moments are gone, they are gone.
12) Hang in there
Babies cry. Babies cry - did I say that, already? Often you won't have a clue why they are crying. Neither will she. So don't ask, "what is wrong with him?" Remember she's exhausted hormonal and vulnerable so she might take this as criticism. Instead, say, "how can I help?" You will both work things out as you go and it will get easier. For now, encourage your lady to trust her instincts - she knows your baby best. You are the voice of common sense (but tread carefully, you can't 'fix' a baby). If you aren't sure what to do, filter advice by asking, is it safe? Is it respectful? Does it feel right? Remember, you have got this. You are going to be an awesome dad!

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Dads, here are 12 things every new mum wants you to know (without having to tell you) - Pinky McKay Official Website

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Congratulations on becoming a dad. It's exciting and exhilarating but it's also exhausting and it can be damn confusing too, as you not only get to know your new little baby but you find yourself trying to figure out how to support your partner who seems to have turned into a completely different woman.

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Support for dads worried about or suffering from Depression, Anxiety and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

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Support for dads worried about or suffering from Depression, Anxiety and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

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Dads Matter

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Postnatal Exercise: how soon should I start?

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Postnatal Exercise: how soon should I start?

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NCT

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Days after giving birth

As soon as you feel up to it, it's safe to go for walks and do pelvic floor exercises and gentle stretches (NHS Choices, 2016a). Don't worry if you can't quite manage those pelvic floors just yet. You'll know as soon as you've healed enough when to give them a go.

Pelvic floor exercises

Pelvic floor exercises help to strengthen the muscles of the pelvic floor. These muscles come under massive strain during pregnancy and when you give birth.

If your pelvic floor muscles are weak, a bit of wee might sneak out when you cough, sneeze or strain. This is known as stress incontinence, and - you may have discovered during a natter with your mum mates - it's super common following childbirth (NHS Choices, 2017).

To get your pelvic floor muscles strong again, exercise them lying down, sitting or standing. After a while, you'll be able to do these exercises anywhere. You'll soon be doing them on the bus, in a meeting or while waiting in the queue for a coffee (NHS Choices, 2016b).

Here's how you do them:

First, squeeze and draw in your back passage as if you are holding in wind.

Squeeze as if you're stopping a wee.

Now relax. This is a short squeeze. Rest for a second, then repeat until you feel the muscles get tired.

After a short rest, squeeze again as above. This time, hold the squeeze for as long as you can, but no longer than 10 seconds, then relax.

It's important to keep breathing normally while you do these exercises. Make sure you don't pull in your stomach or squeeze your buttocks.

Aim to build up to 10 repeats of each exercise, four to six times a day.

(NHS Choices, 2016b)

For more information on how to start practising pelvic floor exercises, click here (Bladder and Bowel Foundation, 2008).

Abdominal muscle separation

The two abdominal muscles (rectus abdominis) that run down the middle of the abdomen often separate during pregnancy (NHS Choices, 2016c). How much they separate varies between women.

These muscles separate because of your growing womb pushing them apart. This makes your abdominal muscles longer and weaker (NHS Choices, 2016c).

Here's how to check the size of your separation, after you've had your baby:

Lie on your back, bend your knees and have your feet flat on the floor.

Lift your shoulders off the floor a bit and look down at your belly.

Feel with your fingertips between the edges of the muscles, above and below your belly button. Check the number of fingers you can fit between your separated muscles.

Check this regularly to see that the gap is decreasing.

If you go to a postnatal pilates or yoga class, trained instructors might also be able to help you check your separation.

(NHS Choices, 2016c)

Once your baby is eight weeks old, your muscles will usually have returned to normal. If the gap is still obvious, you could be risking back problems. So speak to your GP and they can refer you to a physiotherapist (NHS Choices, 2016c).

Swimming

Swimming is great exercise. It's low-impact and good for some chill-out time for you too. You'll need to wait until seven days after your postnatal bleeding (lochia) has stopped to hop (or maybe step tentatively) into the pool.

Six weeks after giving birth

Generally, to get back to proper, high-impact exercise like running or your much-loved zumba class, it's best to wait until your six-week postnatal check-up (NHS Choices, 2016a).

It will also depend what type of birth you had. For example, if you had a caesarean section, your recovery time might be longer. It might also depend on how much exercise you did before you were pregnant.

Certain types of exercise might be better if you have weak pelvic floor muscles too. If you've got any doubts or questions about whether the exercise you're doing is ok, talk to your midwife, health visitor or GP (NHS Choices, 2016a).

But generally, don't be too nervous about it - it's great to get back to exercise after having a baby. There are loads of reasons to exercise, including your mental and physical health. So go for it and have fun.

Buggy fit, postnatal yoga and other postnatal exercise classes

Some postnatal classes let you do the exercise class with your baby at your side, which isn't as ridiculous as it sounds. Especially with a newborn who'll often snooze through the whole thing.

Some even include your baby and their pram or buggy as part of the workout. Plus they're often outdoors in local parks, which is a nice bonus.

If you're going to a class that isn't a special postnatal class, make sure you tell the instructor that you've recently had a baby.

Postnatal exercise tips

Your ligaments and joints are much more supple in the months after you give birth, so just be aware of that. It's easier than before pregnancy for new mums to injure themselves by stretching or twisting too much (NHS Choices, 2016a).

You're more likely to get injured because of a group of hormones called relaxin (The Guild of Pregnancy and Postnatal Exercise Instructors, 2018). Your body produced relaxin in early pregnancy to make the ligaments in the body more elastic.

The downside of relaxin is that it can cause back problems and injuries. Plus its impact on the joints might linger around for up to five months after you have your baby (The Guild of Pregnancy and Postnatal Exercise Instructors, 2018).

If you're in pain or your postnatal bleeding (lochia) gets heavier or changes colour (becomes pink or red) after activity, you might be doing too much (NHS Choices, 2016a; The Guild of Pregnancy and Postnatal Exercise Instructors, 2018).

Other postnatal exercise

If you're struggling for time to dedicate to specific postnatal exercise, there's still a lot you can do. Try the following:

Have a go at pushing the pram quickly. Try to keep your arms bent and your back straight, ensure the handles are at the right height for you and your elbows are bent at right angles.

Play some games with your older children that get you running around.

Build exercise into your day, for example you could walk instead of taking the car.

Bend your knees rather than your back when you pick things up. This'll strengthen your thigh muscles and avoid damaging your back.

(NHS Choices, 2016a)

Further information

NCT's helpline offers practical and emotional support in all areas of pregnancy, birth and early parenthood: 0300 330 0700.

You might find attending one of NCT's Early Days groups helpful as they give you the opportunity to explore different approaches to important parenting issues with a qualified group leader and other new parents in your area.

Make friends with other parents-to-be and new parents in your local area for support and friendship by seeing what NCT activities are happening nearby.

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Postnatal exercise: how soon can I start again after a baby? | Life as a parent articles & support | NCT

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If you're keen to get back to your fitness routine but are not sure how safe it is, here's what you need to know.

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How to exercise your pelvic floor muscles

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How to exercise your pelvic floor muscles

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HHFT

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Changes in your relationships after having a baby

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Changes in your relationships after having a baby

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NCT

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Changes in your relationships after having a baby | Life as a parent, Your relationship as a couple articles & support | NCT

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Relationships with partners, family and friends often change after having a baby. Read about ways to deal with relationship stress and tackle issues.

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Relate

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NCT

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NCT

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Here's how to find your feet, from new dads before you.

1. Let mum and baby bond:

"New dads need to be respectful of the mother-child bond in the early days. You have your thing too but in those first months, your job is to make sure the mother-child bond is strong." Adam, dad to Jessica, three years, and Toby, six months

2. Get your pit stop down:

"It's all about the project management and teamwork. You need to be like a Formula 1 pit team just to get through until bath time." Ian, dad to Ted, 14 months

3. Take time to acknowledge you're both working hard:

"You really need to understand, appreciate and respect what your partner is doing. Having a paid job is hard. Bringing up a child is hard. If you're not primary caregiver - then you have no idea how hard it is. Believe me, most dads collapse after 90 minutes in a soft play." Vin, dad to Arlo, two years

4. Prepare for a sore tongue:

"Bite your tongue. You won't agree on every aspect of parenting. Hopefully your partner will bite theirs sometimes too. It's not easy because you're exhausted which means shorter fuses." Sam, dad to Ethan, one year

5. Say those kind words:

"It's not always the first thing you think about to tell your partner they're doing a great job. Try to remember that a few compliments in moments of stress work wonders." Ben, dad to Oscar, nine months

6. Remember what you have in common:

"Remember that while your lives may have changed beyond recognition, you are still the same people deep down. Your interaction, the stuff you laugh about, the things that bring you close, the things that spark arguments will remain more or less the same." Max, dad to Angus, four, and Rosie, 18 months

7. Know that this too will pass:

"Our daughter's nearly four now, so I have some perspective. It does get easier. Eventually, she started to sleep for longer, we established routines, and we got our evenings back. We have new relationship challenges, like agreeing on how to approach discipline, eating, screen-time, toys etc. But it's nowhere near as intense. Which means we have more time for each other." Marcus, dad to Nell, three years

This page was last reviewed in December 2018.
Further information

Our support line offers practical and emotional support with feeding your baby and general enquiries for parents, members and volunteers: 0300 330 0700. W

Make friends with other parents-to-be and new parents in your local area for support and friendship by seeing what NCT activities are happening nearby. To find out when an NCT nearly new sale is happening near you, search here.

You might find attending one of NCT's Early Days groups helpful as they give you the opportunity to explore different approaches to important parenting issues with a qualified group leader and other new parents in your area.

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Here's how to find your feet, from new dads before you. 1. Let mum and baby bond: "New dads need to be respectful of the mother-child bond in the early days. You have your thing too but in those first months, your job is to make sure the mother-child bond is strong."

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Top 4 reasons couples argue after having a baby

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Top 4 reasons couples argue after having a baby

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Relate

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Top 4 reasons couples argue after having a baby | Relate

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It’s very common for couples to argue more after the arrival of a new baby. Research shows that first-time parents argue on average 40% more after their child is born. It’s no surprise, really: you’re under more pressure, have less free time and are getting less sleep than usual. The occasional disa…

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NCT

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Perhaps you are both experiencing new feelings and these will be short lived. Perhaps previous problems have resurfaced, which may be harder to shake. Or you might be experiencing a mixture of both.

Whatever the cause, you can be sure you're not alone.

Is it normal for my feelings towards my partner to change once we have a baby?

You don't need us to tell you that having a baby changes everything. You're most likely going through a cocktail of wonderment, confusion, anxiety, exhaustion, nerves, and total and utter joy. It's safe to say the rollercoaster of emotions is in full effect.

As our friends at Relate tell us, the focus of this new chapter in your life is going to be that helpless little thing that's just turned your world upside down. We're talking about your baby, in case you also got a kitten at the same time.

"It's not surprising that your relationship with your partner might take a back seat for a while, as you adjust to a new normal."

Where are all these negative feelings coming from?

Having a baby can be a huge time of stress (Relate, 2019b). And it's not uncommon for stuff you could usually work through to become major points of tension. Why? It could be some or all of the following:

Your identity has changed

Many of us define ourselves by our friends, our interests or our careers. Guess what? Your disposable time and income has just radically shrunk. Those mountain biking weekends away and those cocktail nights are going to be in short supply for a while.

Letting go of who you are and embracing the new you (complete with sling and change bag) can be hard. But with a little bit of communication, planning and understanding, you'll soon be operating like a well-oiled parenting machine. And that means in a few months that mojito will be back where it belongs. In your hand.

You're responsible like never before

You've got to keep this baby alive, fed, clothed and with a roof over its head. You have to bring it up, teach it how to be a good human being. And you never, ever stop being a parent. Wow, that sounds like a good recipe for stress, and stress causes us to react without thinking clearly (Relate, 2019c).

You're not focussing on each other

Humans love to be nurtured. It's a fundamental part of being in a loving relationship. But when a baby comes along, it's hard for both of you not to feel like you're second place. Because you probably are. This is natural and healthy but it takes a clear mind, some perspective and a whole lot of getting used to.

You're very, very, very tired

It's so obvious but it's absolutely fundamental to what's happening. You're exhausted. And when we're exhausted, we're not at our best.

Exhaustion means everything is harder. Everything takes more effort and twice as long. We get irritable. We take it out on the people closest to us. We get defensive. We don't listen. We're less tolerant.

And how much better do we feel after just one night's good sleep? Yes, it's vital to work out a sleep plan from the start.

So what's making me feel this way?

Is it me? Is it them? Chances are it's both of you. Both new mums and new dads will be affected by becoming a parent. When you think about what's happening (see above), it's no wonder you might be behaving differently. And you might not even realise it. This is why communication is so important.

When things are stressful, it really helps to talk through how you're feeling with your partner. The lack of sleep, the stress, a million things to do - all of these make it easy not to take the time to understand what your partner is going through.

None of us are mind readers. Rather than snapping or brooding, try finding a 30-second window and having a calm chat. There's more relationship advice on the Relate website.

How can we get back to a more positive place?

First things first. Something brought you together and made you want to create this family in the first place. As parents, it's tough to find the time and headspace to focus on your relationship. It can also take effort to maintain a healthy partnership (Relate, 2019d). Some of the most important things to think about are the following:

Sleep

Did we mention how important this is? It's really important. Get a plan in place, make sure you know who's doing the night duties, who's having the lie in and grab any opportunity to catch up (Relate, 2019d).

Your little one will do a lot of sleeping. So resist the temptation to always tidy the house or catch up on admin when they're asleep and sleep like a baby too. Afternoon naps, why wouldn't you?

Communication

It's important to try and carve out the time to keep connected. And when negative things are on your mind, try and be open and honest.

If you don't think your partner is helping out, try and find time to have a conversation, rather than snapping an accusation across the dinner table. We know it's hard, but even a quick glass of wine and a 15 minute catch up after dinner can make a world of difference (Relate, 2019d).

Time for you

It might sound like a cliché but planning some 'us time' for just the two of you is a great way to make sure your relationship isn't neglected. A date night can be as simple as dinner at the table with some music on. Or you could order a pizza and have a foot massage while watching your favourite boxset.

If you're feeling adventurous, get a babysitter and go wild. That is, until 9.30pm when you'll be ready for bed (Relate, 2019d).

Sex

When you're in a negative place, thoughts of intimacy can be the furthest from your mind. But sex brings closeness and bonding, and is a natural part of most relationships.

Don't think you have to go at it, just being physically close is a great first step. And if there's resentment on either side due to mismatched expectations, make sure you talk about how you're feeling (Relate, 2019d).

Letting go

Like we said, when you're tired, emotional or stressed, you get negative. When you're negative, it's easier to get defensive. When you're feeling defensive, it's natural to argue.

Yet not every difference is worth an argument. If you can take a deep breath and not mention the niggle you're feeling, it will probably pass. And hey presto, an argument is avoided (Relate, 2019d).

Moving forwards

Sometimes relationships don't work. It's as simple as that. We know working at your relationship as well as every challenge the new baby brings can feel overwhelming. But try to find that slither of time to talk, listen and understand (as well as a few hours' kip).

With a bit of effort, you and your partner can get back on track and love each other as people as well as parents.
This page was last reviewed in June 2019.
Further information

Our support line offers practical and emotional support with feeding your baby and general enquiries for parents, members and volunteers: 0300 330 0700.

You might find attending one of NCT's Early Days groups helpful as they give you the opportunity to explore different approaches to important parenting issues with a qualified group leader and other new parents in your area.

Make friends with other parents-to-be and new parents in your local area for support and friendship by seeing what NCT activities are happening nearby.

Relate help people make the most of their relationships and offer practical advice and counselling services.

BACP has a register of couples and family counsellors if you think talking with an independent expert might help get you back on track.

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Perhaps you are both experiencing new feelings and these will be short lived. Perhaps previous problems have resurfaced, which may be harder to shake. Or you might be experiencing a mixture of both. Whatever the cause, you can be sure you're not alone. You don't need us to tell you that having a baby changes everything.

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Fit for the Future - essential advice & exercises following childbirth

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Fit for the Future - essential advice & exercises following childbirth

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Pelvic Obstetric and Gynaecological Physiotherapy

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Why Pregnancy and Postnatal Exercise Matter

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Why Pregnancy and Postnatal Exercise Matter

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Rehana Jawadwala

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Information

Although women are often advised to exercise during pregnancy and after birth, there is little information available about the tremendous benefits of physical activity for both mother and baby, or what kinds of exercise are safe and appropriate. In Why Pregnancy and Postnatal Exercise Matter, Rehana Jawadwala, a sports physiologist and perinatal yoga teacher, looks at the evidence for supporting physical activity in mothers, as well as how women's physiology changes during pregnancy and after they give birth, answering in detail the questions that mothers and those supporting them may have.

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Pinter & Martin Why it Matters

Pinter & Martin Why it Matters

Pinter & Martin Why it Matters

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6 Effra Parade London SW2 1PS UK 020 3633 6879

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Why Pregnancy and Postnatal Exercise Matter

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Although women are often advised to exercise during pregnancy and after birth, there is little information available about the tremendous benefits of physical activity for both mother and baby, or what kinds of exercise are safe and appropriate.

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Mia Scotland

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Please note: this book was previously titled Why Perinatal Depression Matters.

You have probably heard of postnatal depression, but did you know that most cases of postnatal depression actually began in pregnancy? And that most people who have antenatal depression have had depression in the past? And did you know that postnatal depression is not caused by women's hormones gone awry; men are suffering postnatal and perinatal depression in larger and larger numbers too? This is why "postnatal depression" has now been renamed "perinatal depression"('peri' means around, as in the word "perimeter").

Why is the seemingly joyful event of new parenthood causing so much suffering? Depression seems to be related to the stresses that a modern couple undertake when they have a baby. The lack of support, lack of celebration, overload of expectations, overwhelming responsibility, isolation, judgment, blaming by the media, tiredness, mixed messages, confusion, high expectations and lack of tender loving care serve to eventually break parents and their relationships. And when we break parents, we break a baby. Babies are our future, and if we break a baby, in the long run, we break society. Postnatal depression takes a high toll on society. Dealing effectively with perinatal depression is about valuing love, connection, calm and stillness, over and above productivity, achievement and acquisition.

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Please note: this book was previously titled Why Perinatal Depression Matters. You have probably heard of postnatal depression, but did you know that most cases of postnatal depression actually began in pregnancy? And that most people who have antenatal depression have had depression in the past?

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Your post-pregnancy body questions answered

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Your post-pregnancy body questions answered

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NCT

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While you might be one of the lucky ones who's totally relaxed about their post-baby bod, never feel bad if it's not that easy. A lot of women struggle with the changes that happen to them after they go through labour.

Knowing what will happen in advance can make it easier to prepare. Here's what you can expect...

Why do I still look pregnant?

You may feel that way because your muscles have stretched during pregnancy so your tummy won't ping back straight away to how it was before. (NHS Choices, 2015) For a while, it'll be a bit looser.

How can I recover?

You might not know this but breastfeeding can help as it causes contractions that shrink the womb (NHS Choices, 2015). And it burns calories. Postnatal exercise can tone your pelvic floor and tummy muscles and of course resisting that cake and eating healthily will help (NHS Choices, 2015).

Issues to look out for

While you're pregnant, your stomach muscles may become separated. They should return to normal by the time your baby is eight weeks old. If they are still separated, speak to your GP about getting a referral to a physiotherapist. (NHS Choices, 2016a)

To tell whether your stomach muscles are still separated, put one hand on your tummy with your fingers on the midline of your naval. Press your finger down gently and bring your head up (shoulders on the ground) like you're doing a mini-crunch. Feel for the sides of your muscles and see if they are still separated.

Will my pregnancy stretch marks fade?

During pregnancy you might have noticed stretch marks developing on your stomach, breasts and inner thighs. They look like narrow pink or purple lines. After birth these should fade.

How can I recover?

Stretch marks will become less noticeable although they're unlikely to completely disappear. You can buy products aimed at removing stretch marks, but there is little evidence that these work. (Liu et al, 2014; NHS Choices, 2016b) If you are particularly self-conscious about your stretch marks, you can have laser therapy but be warned, it can be pricey.

Is back pain after giving birth normal?

Yes, a lot of women experience back pain after giving birth.

How can I recover?

You should:

Keep your back well supported when breastfeeding.

Kneel or squat (do not bend your back) to do low-level jobs like bathing your baby.

Change nappies on a raised surface.

Keep your back straight and bend your knees when lifting.

Keep your back straight when pushing your pram or buggy, or carry your baby in a well-fitting sling. (NHS Choices, 2016a)

If back pain persists, speak to your GP.

Is fatigue normal?

Yes. It's common to feel incredibly tired after you have given birth. Your body has been through a lot and your baby is likely to wake several times during the night. But it will get better.

How can I recover?

Try early nights and the old but true cliché of resting when your baby's asleep. If you're formula or combi feeding, share the night feeds with your partner. (NHS Choices, 2016c) Find out more about tiredness after birth here.

Issues to look out for

If you are particularly irritable, stressed or down, speak to your health visitor. They might look at other underlying causes like postnatal depression. (NICE, 2006)

Are headaches common after labour?

An estimated 39% of women will experience a headache in the first week after giving birth. (Goldszmidt et al, 2005)

How can I recover?

Drink plenty of water and take paracetamol or ibuprofen.

Issues to look out for

Tell your GP if you have a severe or persistent headache, especially if you had an epidural. It could be a sign of eclampsia (high blood pressure), which might require further treatment. (NICE, 2006)

And lastly, a couple of other post-birth worries...

Caesarean section scar

Keep your wound clean, wear loose comfortable clothing and take painkillers if you need to. See a doctor if you have any sign of infection, such as discharge or an unpleasant smell. Your caesarean section wound will scar, but it will become less noticeable over time and often your pubic hair will hide it. (NHS Choices, 2016d)

Deep vein thrombosis

Pregnant women and women who have had a baby in the past six weeks are at an increased risk of deep vein thrombosis. The symptoms are a swollen, painful leg and/or difficulty breathing.

Deep vein thromboses are caused by a clot developing in the deep veins of your leg. It can be fatal if the clot travels from your legs to your lungs. If you develop a swollen, painful leg or have breathing difficulties after a trip, see your GP urgently or go to the nearest A&E department. (NHS Choices, 2015)
This page was last reviewed in February 2018
Further information

Our support line offers practical and emotional support with feeding your baby and general enquiries for parents, members and volunteers: 0300 330 0700.

To prepare yourself more for what happens during and after labour, we offer antenatal courses which are a great way to find out more about birth, labour and life with a new baby.

You might find attending one of our NCT New Baby courses helpful as they give you the opportunity to explore different approaches to important parenting issues with a qualified group leader and other new parents in your area.

Make friends with other parents-to-be and new parents in your local area for support and friendship by seeing what NCT activities are happening nearby.

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Your post-pregnancy body questions answered | Life as a parent articles & support | NCT

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It's you... but different. Here's how to get your head around the physical changes that pregnancy brings.

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NHS

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Advice about stitches, piles, bleeding and other physical changes after birth, plus tips to help you make a healthy recovery.
If you've had a caesarean, see recovering from a caesarean.

Stitches

If you've had stitches after tearing or an episiotomy (cut), bathe them every day to help prevent infection. Have a bath or shower with plain warm water then carefully pat yourself dry.

If your stitches are sore or uncomfortable, tell your midwife.

Painkillers can help. If you're breastfeeding, check with your pharmacist, midwife or GP before you buy over-the-counter painkillers.

Stitches usually dissolve by the time the cut or tear has healed, but sometimes they have to be taken out.

Going to the toilet

At first, the thought of peeing can be a bit frightening - because of the soreness. Drinking lots of water dilutes your urine, which may make it sting less.

Tell your midwife if:

you're finding it really difficult to pee

you feel very sore

you notice an unpleasant smell

You probably won't have a poo for a few days after the birth, but it's important not to let yourself get constipated.

Eat plenty of fresh fruit, vegetables, salad, wholegrain cereals and wholemeal bread, and drink plenty of water.

If you've had stitches, it's very unlikely you'll break them, or open up the cut or tear again.

It might feel better if you hold a pad of clean tissue over the stitches when pooing. Try not to strain.

Talk to your midwife or GP if you have constipation that won't go away. A gentle laxative may help.

Also tell your midwife or GP if poo is leaking or you're pooing when you don't mean to.

Bladder control

After having a baby, it's quite common to leak a bit of pee if you laugh, cough or move suddenly.

Pelvic floor exercises can help with this but tell your GP at your postnatal check if they aren't. They may refer you to a physiotherapist.

Piles

Piles are very common after birth but usually disappear within a few days.

Eat plenty of fresh fruit, vegetables, salad, wholegrain cereals and wholemeal bread, and drink plenty of water. This should make pooing easier and less painful.

Try not to push or strain - this will make the piles worse.

Let your midwife know if you feel very uncomfortable. They can give you a cream to soothe the piles.

Bleeding after birth (lochia)

You'll bleed from your vagina after the birth. It will be quite heavy at first, and you'll need super-absorbent sanitary towels. Change them regularly, washing your hands before and afterwards.

It isn't a good idea to use tampons until after your 6-week postnatal check because they could increase your chance of getting an infection.

See when you can start using tampons after birth.

You may notice the bleeding is redder and heavier when you breastfeed. This happens because breastfeeding makes your womb contract. You may also feel cramps similar to period pains.

The bleeding will carry on for a few weeks. It will gradually turn a brownish colour and decrease until it finally stops.

If you're losing blood in large clots, tell your midwife. You may need some treatment.

When will my periods start again after pregnancy?

It's hard to be exact about when your periods will start again, as everyone is different.

If you bottle feed your baby, or combine bottle feeding with breastfeeding, your first period could start as soon as 5 to 6 weeks after you give birth.

If you fully breastfeed (including at night) without any bottle feeding, your periods may not start again until you start to reduce breastfeeding.

How soon after giving birth can I get pregnant?

You can get pregnant as little as 3 weeks after the birth of your baby, even if you're breastfeeding and your periods have not started again yet.

Find out more about when you can use contraception after having a baby.

How soon can I use tampons after giving birth?

You should not use tampons until you've had your 6-week postnatal check. This is because you'll still have a wound where the placenta joined with the wall of your womb, and you may also have tears or cuts in or around your vagina.

Using internal sanitary products like tampons and menstrual cups before this wound has healed could increase your chance of getting an infection.

Use maternity pads or sanitary towels during this time while your body is still healing.

Breasts

To begin with, your breasts will produce a yellowish liquid called colostrum for your baby.

On the third or fourth day, they may feel tight and tender as they start to produce milk.

Wearing a supportive nursing bra may help. Speak to your midwife if you're very uncomfortable.

Read more about breastfeeding in the first few days.

Tummy

After delivery, your tummy will probably still be a lot bigger than before pregnancy. This is partly because your muscles have stretched.

If you eat a balanced diet and get some exercise, your shape should gradually return.

Breastfeeding helps because it makes your womb contract. You may feel quite painful period-like cramps while you're feeding.

You could also try these gentle postnatal tummy exercises.

Is it something serious?

Tell your midwife, health visitor or GP straight away if you get any of these symptoms.

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Advice about stitches, piles, bleeding and other physical changes after birth, plus tips to help you make a healthy recovery. If you've had a caesarean, see recovering from a caesarean. If you've had stitches after tearing or an episiotomy (cut), bathe them every day to help prevent infection.

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Julie Bhosale blog

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I am a mother. I am tired, broken and sore. I have lumps, bumps, marks and jiggly bits.

I am a mother. I have created, grown, carried and birthed two gorgeous sons.

I am a mother. I am solely responsible for the lives of two little humans, every single day and night, week in and week out and will be for the rest of my life (and maybe future #number 3 baby).

I am a health professional. I work in an industry which is largely focused on the superficial. The how you look. Not how you feel. Not who you are.

I am a mother.

You too are a mother. You are also tired, exhausted, broken, sore, have lumps, bumps, marks and jiggly bits.

You too live in a world which judges you on how you look. Not how you feel. Not who you really are and what you have sacrificed...and continue to sacrifice.
You are beautiful, you are amazing, you are a mother.
You live in a society that pushes images at you every day of women who have given birth and just "bounced back" - great for them (truly, that is great, Kate Middleton you are amazing!). But this is such a small minority. For most of us, our bodies change, and change a lot. It is scary, it is hard, it can be down right disgusting and upsetting but it is real and normal. Although I am a qualified health professional I am also a mother and my body has also not just 'bounced back'. We are starting to see a shift in the media and online with more women sharing the often hidden and unspoken realities of child birth and the effect on your bodies.

So I have joined in the movement. Here is my #takebackpostpartum body blog. My real body after two children.

On the 17th of January, 2015 at 11.10pm I gave birth to my second son. I fought to conceive him. Put my body through assisted reproductive therapy. I was broken just (ha just!) carrying him to full term. Broken in ways I did not know my body could break ( see previous blogs). Photographs do not tell the full story. I could barely walk. I was induced early just to get my son out as every day he was in me was another day I had to fight to keeping carrying him. Before I had children I would run marathons for fun...yes for fun - just wake up, find an event and run...I could barely walk to the letter box and I could not pick up my 2 year old.
You are beautiful, you are amazing, you are a mother. 24 Hours Postpartum
Regardless of how you birthed your child (aka watermelon), you can still look and feel like you have a watermelon (or two) inside you. It is often sort of lumpy and squishy too. There's only one way that thing is coming down....hello excruciating uterine contractions...may as well go through labour again. I gave birth vaginally (birth story here) and it feels like a truck, not a watermelon, ripped through me. Good thing is I am so high on adrenaline and oxytocin nothing in the world matters except for my precious bundle...2 days later it is a different story.
You are beautiful, you are amazing, you are a mother. 2 Days Postpartum
Have I showered or changed my pjs...cannot confirm. Normally a size A cup, I am giving Kate Upton a run for her money. What's more these puppies are ON FIRE and I still don't know how to bloody use them. Show me that breastfeeding video one last time and I will tear the television from the wall socket - it is not helping. Everything leaks. I mean EVERYTHING. I am a mess of body fluid. I am wearing not one but two enormous maternity pads, inside granny panties to try and contain the postpartum bleeding. Golf ball sized blood clots keep coming out. I have to keep these to be inspected and make sure it is not part of the placenta. Where has my dignity gone?

Sleep...I could count the hours on one hand but am just too beyond exhausted to remember. My body is experiencing a horrendous hormone withdrawal. Is this what drug addicts feel like? Maybe drugs would help right now...My eyes just keep leaking. I am more prepared for this second time around. First time, I just could not understand why I would not stop crying. The cherry on the Sunday is that precious little bundle WONT STOP SCREAMING (don't let the photographs fool you). You want to come and visit? Sure, let's have a tea party while we are at it.
You are beautiful, you are amazing, you are a mother. 1 Week Postpartum
Back at home. Still rocking my pjs. Still got a lumpy, squishy watermelon belly. Still got the granny style undies and thunder pads. I am glad to be home but surely it is illegal to be responsible for two other little humans when in fact you are a walking zombie? And what the HELL do I do with two children? I barely did 1 before??! How do I bath them both? How do I get them both feed at the same time? Boobs out, get baby on one side, express pump on the other and shove a spoon in my toddlers face - that's how... hmmm bringing sexy back to the dinner table alright. Oh yes and somehow I am meant to fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes right (hahaha that's a joke right?).
You are beautiful, you are amazing, you are a mother. 2 Weeks Postpartum
I look a bit more alive...must have had a shower that morning. Tummy still swollen, shrinking but swollen. I am still bleeding, its like the period that never ends. Am out of my pjs, rocking pregnancy clothes instead (see you do get more than one use for those!!). Boobs are like rocks. My poor husband. If he even thinks about going near those knockers he will get a swift slap.

I will be honest I do feel better this time post birth than I did with my first son. Not fighting horrendous mastitis surely will be playing a large part of that (see why I am not exclusively breastfeeding here). The other, is I am kinder to myself, I am not out trying to walk for an hour or more a day like I did first time around. I have basically told friends to come and visit in about 3 months time (I am sorry but I know you understand).

In case you are wondering - that lovely scar down my belly is from some major abdominal surgery I went through as a 21 year old. Was split open 6 times after an appendix operation went wrong. Two pregnancies has morphed and stretched this. Never mind, it just becomes the 'feature piece' of my stretch marks. May have to reconsider my dream job as a bikini model....
You are beautiful, you are amazing, you are a mother. 10 Weeks Postpartum
Now that it has contracted down, my swollen tummy is a bit more of a jiggly tummy, still rocking preggie clothes, and sporting a moon boot from fracturing my ankle - my body so broken from the last few months my leg just snapped like a twig when I rolled off a curb trying to walk an unsettled baby. Where did the last 8 weeks go? In a blur...a blur of feeding, sleeping, pumping, learning to juggle both children and work in among it all. Am exhausted, like bone aching exhausted. I am lucky to have the knowledge I do of good food to nourish from the inside, but I am still human. I do have chocolate, I do have coffee (lots of coffee), and dinners are sometimes baked beans on toast. I don't have time to shower so no I DON'T make my own baked beans.

Sometimes I wonder why the hell did I want this so badly (previous blog from the trenches here), but for the most part I love it, stupidly love it all.
You are beautiful, you are amazing, you are a mother. 14 Weeks Postpartum
Officially out of the newborn phase. Feel less zombie and more human. I am left with the marks of motherhood. A tummy that appears 'flat' but has the stretch marks, the skin, the sunken scar and abs which have not yet healed. It's our best kept secret as mothers. I have just got my first period. I have irregular periods at the best of times so this I see as a true sign my body feels good. I now am ready to do some gentle activity, to help repair and recover. I may never run a marathon again, don't think my pelvic floor would survive, but I will run the parenting marathon day in and day out, my boys are so darn worth it - my god are they worth it!!.

You may be broken, exhausted, sore, have lumps, bumps, marks and jiggly bits.

You may not look like the next Victoria's Secret Underwear model, but focus on how you feel. Be kind to yourself and your body, you will look like how you are meant to when you feel good. It may take some time. It took me a lot longer to feel good following the birth of my first son then this time around. There is no one to compare yourself too. No one is walking in your shoes, deals with what you deal with. You will be judged. I am judged everyday and there will be people judging me right now. Doing what is right for you and your family takes courage, takes strength and as a mother, you have both. Nourish and love from the inside out and do not forget:
You are beautiful, you are amazing, you are a mother. With love, the New Mum's Nutritionist xxx

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My Real Postpartum Body - Dr Julie Bhosale

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I am a mother. I am tired, broken and sore. I have lumps, bumps, marks and jiggly bits. I am a mother. I have created, grown, carried and birthed two gorgeous sons. I am a mother. I am solely responsible ... Read More

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Your vagina, pelvic floor and bleeding after birth

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Your vagina, pelvic floor and bleeding after birth

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NCT

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Vagina

The truth is your vagina probably won't go back to exactly its pre-birth self. But for most women it will be near enough that this shouldn't be a problem.

It's very common to worry about feeling loose...

After giving birth, it might look wider than it did before and could feel looser, softer and more open. It might also look and feel bruised or swollen. But all of this should settle in a few days.

You may also find that your vagina feels drier, especially if you are breastfeeding (NHS Choices, 2015a).

The next steps

It's all about the pelvic floor exercises to make your vagina feel tighter again and prevent bladder problems. Here's how:

Squeeze and draw in your anus and close up and draw your vagina upwards.

Do it quickly, tightening and releasing the muscles immediately then do it slowly, holding for as long as you can (but no more than 10 seconds).

Repeat each exercise 10 times, four to six times a day.

It might help to imagine you're stopping a poo, holding in a tampon, or stopping yourself from weeing.

(NHS Choices, 2015a; Woodley et al, 2017)

If you feel like these exercises aren't helping, speak to your GP. Postnatal incontinence is common in women who have just given birth (NHS Choices, 2015a; Woodley et al, 2017). You might need a referral to a physiotherapist if you get this.

When it comes to dryness, a simple lubricant could help when you're ready to have sex again. Here are some more tips on how you can get your old sex life back after birth.

Bleeding after birth

Straight after you've given birth, the bleeding from your vagina will be heavy. But over time it'll become lighter and more brown than red (NHS Choices, 2015b).

Use super-absorbent maternity pads and make sure you change them regularly. Mums who are breastfeeding might have heavier and redder bleeding as breastfeeding makes the womb contract causing more blood.

The next steps

Most women will have stopped bleeding by 12 weeks after birth (RCOG, 2016). If your bleeding isn't lessening and you're losing large blood clots, save your sanitary towels and show your midwife or health visitor.

You might get extremely heavy bleeding after birth. This must be treated quickly as it is a postnatal haemorrhage (RCOG, 2016). See more information here.

Stitches

If you had a tear or an episiotomy, the whole area around your vagina can feel sore. Difficult as this is, it should improve within six to 12 weeks (NHS Choices, 2015a).

You might have a small scar when the tear or cut has healed but stitches should dissolve by themselves.

"The main thing you want to watch for is infection, so look out for signs like stinging or an unpleasant odour."

The next steps

Crushed ice or gel pads or paracetamol or ibruprofen can help ease the pain. It's also important to keep your stitches clean, changing pads regularly (with clean hands) and washing daily.

Your health visitor should ask you how you're healing each time they see you (NICE, 2006). Do raise any concerns you have if they forget to ask.

Weeing after giving birth

The idea of weeing for the first time after you have a baby can feel scary. First, it's sore and second, you can't really feel what you're doing (NHS Choices, 2015b).

Let your midwife know if you're finding going for a wee particularly difficult. If you haven't gone six hours after giving birth, they might suggest a warm bath or shower (NICE, 2006).

The next steps

Drink plenty of water and ride it out for a few hours. If you still can't go after a warm bath or shower and drinking plenty of water, you might have your bladder volume assessed. You could potentially need a catheter (NICE, 2006).

Urinary incontinence

After you've had a baby it's very common to leak urine when you laugh, cough or sneeze.

The next steps

Again, it's all about the pelvic floor exercises. But if you're still suffering with incontinence issues three months after you've had your baby, speak to your GP. They should refer you to a physiotherapist. You can also visit the Bladder and Bowel Foundation website.

Piles

Piles ( haemorrhoids) are very common after birth (NHS Choices, 2015b). They are swellings containing enlarged blood vessels found inside or around the bottom (NHS Choices, 2016).

The next steps

If you feel uncomfortable, let your midwife know and they can give you some ointment (NHS Choices, 2015b). If you experience bleeding or a severe, swollen or prolapsed pile, see your GP.

Bowel movements

You might not need to poo for a few days after you have given birth, but don't let yourself get constipated. If you've had stitches, you may be particularly concerned. Rest assured it's very unlikely that you will break the stiches or open up the tear again.

The next steps

Eat plenty of fresh fruit, vegetables, salads, wholegrain cereals and wholemeal bread, and drink plenty of water (NHS Choices, 2015b). If necessary, you might be given a gentle laxative.

You might also feel better if you hold a pad of clean tissues over the stitches while doing a poo. If you're worried that things aren't getting easier, speak to your GP.

About 5% of women who have a vaginal delivery each year get faecal incontinence (Fernando et al, 2002). This is when you're unable to control the passing of liquid (diarrhoea) or solid poo until you reach a toilet. Some people also involuntarily pass wind (Bladder and Bowel Community, 2014).

Whatever you do, don't feel embarrassed about speaking to a health care professional about concerns you have around these issues.

Further information

Our support line offers practical and emotional support with feeding your baby and general enquiries for parents, members and volunteers: 0300 330 0700.

You might find attending one of our Early Days groups helpful as they give you the opportunity to explore different approaches to important parenting issues with a qualified group leader and other new parents in your area.

Make friends with other parents-to-be and new parents in your local area for support and friendship by seeing what NCT activities are happening nearby.

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Your vagina, pelvic floor and bleeding after giving birth

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The truth is your vagina probably won't go back to exactly its pre-birth self. But for most women it will be near enough that this shouldn't be a problem. After giving birth, it might look wider than it did before and could feel looser, softer and more open.

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Bleeding after birth 10 things you need to know

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Bleeding after birth 10 things you need to know

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NCT

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1. Every woman bleeds after they give birth

You will have vaginal bleeding after you've given birth(NHS, 2021). This bleeding is known as lochia. The lochia is a combination of mucous, tissue and blood that your womb sheds as it replaces its lining after you've given birth (UHS NHS Foundation Trust, 2020).

2. Bleeding after birth may last for a while

Bleeding often lasts for around for four to six weeks, but could last up to 12 weeks after your baby's born (RCOG, 2016). If you're worried, you can talk to a health professional.

Bleeding will start off heavy and red to browny red. It will become lighter in colour and flow over time (NHS, 2021).

Here's what you can expect:

Day 1: Fresh red to brownish-red blood. Heavy flow that probably soaks one maternity pad every few hours, with one or two clots or several smaller ones.

Day 2 to 6: Darker brown or pinkish red blood. Moderate flow with 7 cm to 12 cm stains on your maternity pads and smaller blood clots.

Day 7 to 10: Darker brown or pinkish red blood, becoming lighter. Variable but lighter flow, with less than a 7 cm stain on your pads.

Days 11 to 14: Darker brown or pinkish red blood, becoming lighter. Lighter flow, you may have some sanitary towels that are hardly stained.

Week 3 to 4: Paler, possibly a creamy white blood loss. Lighter flow.

Week 5 to 6: Brown, pinkish red, or creamy yellow stains, possibly for several weeks, and possibly only on some days (UHS NHS Foundation Trust, 2020).

3. Don't keep quiet about clots

They're common. Discuss any clots with your midwife as they'll want to keep track of what's happening. Save your maternity pads to show your midwife if possible. Passing a lot of large clots can flag up something more serious (NHS, 2021).

4. If you pass a lot of large blood clots or more than a pint of blood in the first 24 hours, talk to a health professional immediately

Passing lots of large blood clots or more than a pint of blood in the first 24 hours after birth are symptoms of primary postpartum haemorrhage (RCOG, 2016).

Severe postnatal blood loss can make you feel even more exhausted than is normal after giving birth but it can also be life threatening. Getting quick treatment is essential before it becomes a major haemorrhage.

Treatment normally involves helping your uterus to contract through massaging the belly, an injection to contract the uterus, and a catheter into your bladder. The doctors will check to make sure all of the placenta has come out, and may have to do this under general anaesthetic. You will also have a drip in your arm and blood taken for tests.

5. The risk factors for primary postpartum haemorrhage

Before labour, risk factors are:

Previous postpartum haemorrhages

A body mass index (BMI) above 35

A twin or triplet pregnancy

Low-lying placenta (placenta previa)

Placenta coming away early (placental abruption)

Pre-eclampsia or high blood pressure

Growths in or around the womb (e.g. fibroids)

Taking blood-thinning medication

Blood clotting problems.

During labour, risk factors are:

6. Think about postpartum bleeding when you pack your hospital bag

Pack maternity pads rather than menstrual pads as they'll be more absorbant and allow the area between the vagina and anus (perineum) to heal with the least irritation. Describing the number of maternity pads you're using also gives your midwife a clear picture of how much blood loss you're experiencing.

7. Lots of things can affect the amount of blood loss

Breastfeeding makes your body release oxytocin. This makes your womb contract so it releases the lochia blood more quickly (but it will be the same amount of blood overall).

Any sort of gentle exercise - even a quick vacuum of the lounge - could also make bleeding heavier. This is especially true in the first two weeks.

Bleeding will tend to be heavier in the morning too. This is because blood pools when you lay down sleeping.

8. It's important to keep an eye on your blood loss in the weeks after giving birth

It's possible to get secondary postpartum haemorrhage, which is abnormal or heavy bleeding between 24 hours and 12 weeks after giving birth. It's often associated with an infection, and sometimes with part of the placenta remaining in the womb (RCOG, 2016).

Symptoms include:

Feeling shaky, feverish, and generally ill.

Having lochia with an offensive smell.

Heavier than expected bleeding, or bleeding that becomes heavier rather than lighter over time. (UHS NHS Foundation Trust, 2015; RCOG, 2016)

If you have any of these symptoms, you should speak to your GP or health visitor immediately (RCOG, 2016). Treatment for an infection includes antibiotics, so remind the health professional if you are breastfeeding so they can select the most appropriate antibiotic.

Severe pain in the womb in the six weeks after birth could be a sign of a serious infection called sepsis, and should be treated with urgency because it can be life-threatening (RCOG, 2012). Other symptoms of sepsis include a high or low temperature, vomiting, diarrhoea, a rash and offensive discharge (RCOG, 2012). If you are experiencing these symptoms, go straight to the emergency department, say that you have recently given birth, and ask if this could be sepsis.

9. It's important to reduce your risk of infection

Wash your hands thoroughly before and after using the toilet and changing your maternity pad (NICE, 2021).

10. Always speak to your GP or health visitor if anything doesn't feel right

In the end, trust your judgement. If you have any worries about your bleeding after you give birth, talk to a health professional. They're there to help.

Further information

Our support line offers practical and emotional support with feeding your baby and general enquiries for parents, members and volunteers: 0300 330 0700.

You might find attending one of our Early Days groups helpful as they give you the opportunity to explore different approaches to important parenting issues with a qualified group leader and other new parents in your area.

Make friends with other parents-to-be and new parents in your local area for support and friendship by seeing what NCT activities are happening nearby.

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Bleeding after birth: 10 things you need to know | Life as a parent articles & support | NCT

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It may be one of the few things you haven't discussed with friends. Here's an honest, clear account of what you can expect with bleeding after birth.

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HHFT

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Looking after your perineum post delivery

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NCT

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1. Taking care of yourself

With a newborn baby in your life it can be easy to prioritise their needs above your own, but you also need to focus on yourself and get enough rest and support so your body can heal.

Take it easy and ask for help if you need it. Making time to look after yourself is important - having a bath, taking a nap, or going for a short walk can all support emotional wellbeing and physical recovery.

Physical wellbeing - get plenty of rest, don't lift anything heavier than your baby, eat healthily and keep hydrated (NHS, 2019a).

Emotional wellbeing - the postnatal period can trigger lots of different thoughts and emotions, as you reflect on and process your birth experience. If you need emotional support, you could contact a peer support service, or many hospitals offer a birth reflections service. Some independent midwives will also review maternity notes with you to help you understand what happened and why.

2. Organise help (and accept it)

Sometimes it feels difficult to ask for and accept help, but now is the time to draw on the support of your friends and family to help out however you need it.

We are not all fortunate enough to have family or friends living close by, but think about who you could ask for help, so you can focus on resting and recovering from surgery, and bonding with your baby.

If you don't have anyone nearby, you might want to consider hiring a postnatal doula. They're trained to support you after birth and can often provide support with breastfeeding or bottle feeding, if you want it. They can help you with your recovery and answer any questions you might have about your baby. They often have lots of local information and are happy to provide whatever support you need in the home too. A few hours of doula support could be a great gift to a new family!

If planning a caesarean birth, you could consider the tasks your support network could do ahead of time, like freezing meals, and decide who could help with which tasks.

If you don't have a local support network, ask your health visitor or contact your local children's centre to find out if any support is available locally. For example, a charity like Homestart  might be able to offer practical help.

It's also a good idea to contact  your local NCT branch  to see what NCT support and social groups are nearby.

3. Get moving

It's important to be mobile after having a caesarean to help prevent the risk of blood clots or deep vein thrombosis, and aid healthy recovery (NHS 2019a, NHS 2019b; Sheedy et al 2022). You'll be encouraged to get out of bed in hospital as soon as you regain feeling in your legs and feel able to walk (NHS 2019a).

At first it might be painful or uncomfortable getting out of bed. You may find it easier to get out of bed by rolling on your side. You can then put your feet over the edge of the bed and push yourself up to a sitting position. It may be helpful to have a midwife or birth partner close by the first few times you stand up, in case you feel lightheaded and/or wobbly.

When you get home, it's a good idea to get up and start going for gentle walks when you feel up to it. Over time, you'll start to feel better.

Gentle exercise, such as walking, can start as soon as possible, moving on to gentle swimming or yoga from six weeks, depending on how recovery is going (NHS 2019b). Stronger exercise may need to wait longer for internal healing and you can discuss this with your midwife or GP.

4. Attend postnatal check ups

Your midwife or health visitor should give you information about recovering from a caesarean. This may include practical information about how to clean your wound, when to return to your usual activities and when to seek medical advice.

Each hospital trust is different, but most offer contact with a midwife every day for the first few days after a baby has been born. These are good opportunities to discuss recovery, and check the wound is healing well.

You will be offered an appointment after around five days to a week to remove any stitches or staples, if they are not the dissolving kind.

You will be offered midwifery support for at least the first 10 days, before being discharged. Every recovery is different, and the length of time support is offered should be personal to your birth and recovery.

You will also be offered a postnatal check with your GP at six to eight weeks after birth, which is another opportunity to seek guidance and support with recovery.

5. Don't rush back behind the wheel

Wait to get back to driving until you feel up to it. You might have to wait six weeks or longer to get back behind the wheel (NHS 2019a).

It's worth checking with your insurance company if they have a policy on driving after a caesarean.

The DVLA suggests that a doctor should be able to say when a driver is likely to be able to drive again, but in practice, a midwife or GP would say that you can begin driving again when you feel you have recovered from the surgery.  It would be a good idea to wait until you feel physically able and comfortable to perform an emergency stop.

6. Know when to seek medical advice

Although rare, it's important to know the signs of possible infection or deep vein thrombosis following a caesarean birth.

Contact your local maternity assessment centre or your GP immediately if you experience any of the following:

severe pain

pain when weeing

a cough or shortness of breath

pain or swelling in your lower leg

discharge, pus or bad-smelling fluid from the caesarean wound

heavy vaginal bleeding, or large clots

the wound becomes red, swollen and painful

fever, high temperature, or you feel very unwell (NHS 2019a)

If you can't get through to your doctor, call 111 for advice or an emergency appointment.
This page was last reviewed in April 2022
Further information

Our support line offers practical and emotional support with feeding your baby and general enquiries for parents, members and volunteers: 0300 330 0700.

We also offer antenatal courses which are a great way to find out more about birth, labour and life with a new baby.

You might find attending one of our Early Days groups helpful as they give you the opportunity to explore different approaches to important parenting issues with a qualified group leader and other new parents in your area.

Make friends with other parents-to-be and new parents in your local area for support and friendship by seeing what NCT activities are happening nearby.

Find out more about HomeStart - a family support charity that offers practical support to parents.

NICE provides evidence-based recommendations about caesarean.

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Top tips for recovery after a caesarean birth | Labour & birth, Different types of birth articles & support | NCT

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Having a caesarean is a major operation so you'll need to take it easy afterwards. Here we share some caesarean birth recovery tips to help you heal.

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NCT

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What is sepsis?

Sepsis is a complication of a severe infection. When the immune system fights the infection, sepsis sees the body go too far and start to attack organs and other tissues.

When it occurs in pregnant women or within six weeks after giving birth, it's called maternal or postpartum sepsis (RCOG, 2012). Without quick treatment, sepsis can lead to multiple organ failure and death. It's a leading cause of maternal death in women in the UK (NHS Choices, 2016).

What are the symptoms of sepsis?

Early warning signs to look out for are:

High temperature (over 38.3°C)

Very low temperature (less than 36°C)

Chills and shivering

Fast heartbeat

Fast breathing or breathlessness

Headache

Severe abdominal pain

Extreme sleepiness
(MBRRACE-UK, 2017)

If you develop any of these symptoms, you or your family should seek medical advice or go to a maternity unit quickly (MBRRACE-UK, 2017).

Fever or rigors

Diarrhoea or vomiting

Rash

Abdominal or pelvic pain and tenderness

Abnormal vaginal discharge

Productive cough

Urinary symptoms

If you recently had an infection or injury and are showing signs of sepsis, seek medical advice urgently from NHS 911. If your symptoms are severe, go straight to A&E or call 999.

What causes sepsis?

It's impossible to know who will suffer from sepsis until it happens but risk factors for maternal and postpartum sepsis can be:

Obesity

Diabetes

Anaemia

Abnormal vaginal discharge

History of pelvic infection

History of group B streptococcal infection

History of invasive procedures

Prolonged length of time between water breaking and baby being born

Streptococcal infection in close contacts or family members

Black or other minority ethnic group origin

How is sepsis diagnosed?

If there is concern that you have sepsis, you'll most likely be given a blood test, but then tests can go further to uncover what type of sepsis you have, where it's located and which bodily functions have been affected. These can include urine or stool samples, a high vaginal swab, wound culture, X-ray and a number of other tests (NHS Choices, 2016).

What is the treatment for sepsis?

Severe sepsis or septic shock is a medical emergency. If sepsis is detected early and hasn't affected vital organs, it may be possible to treat the infection at home with antibiotics, leading to a full recovery.

Treatment will vary depending on the site and cause of the initial infection, the organs affected and the extent of any damage.

After hospital admission, treatment usually involves the 'sepsis six'. They should be started by a medical team within an hour of diagnosis. The sepsis six involve:

Giving fluids intravenously

Giving oxygen if levels are low

Giving antibiotics

Blood culture - to identify the type of bacteria causing sepsis

Blood sample - to assess the severity of sepsis

Monitoring urine output - to assess severity and kidney function
(NHS Choices, 2016)

Can maternal sepsis affect the baby?

Yes, sepsis can pass from the mother to the child before or during the birth, which is another reason to treat it so quickly and efficiently (MedlinePlus, 2018).

Is sepsis the same as septicaemia and blood poisoning?

Not quite. Neither term is entirely accurate because septicaemia (blood poisoning) refers to invasion of bacteria into the bloodstream. This occurs as part of sepsis.

Sepsis is not just limited to the blood and can affect the whole body, including the organs. Sepsis can also be caused by viral or fungal infections, although bacterial infections are by far the most common cause (NHS Choices, 2016).
This page was last reviewed in February 2018
Further information

Our support line offers practical and emotional support with feeding your baby and general enquiries for parents, members and volunteers: 0300 330 0700.

We also offer antenatal courses which are a great way to find out more about birth, labour and life with a new baby.

You might find attending one of our Early Days groups helpful as they give you the opportunity to explore different approaches to important parenting issues with a qualified group leader and other new parents in your area.

Make friends with other parents-to-be and new parents in your local area for support and friendship by seeing what NCT activities are happening nearby.

If sepsis has affected you or someone close to you, you can contact the UK Sepsis Trust.

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Sepsis is a complication of a severe infection. When the immune system fights the infection, sepsis sees the body go too far and start to attack organs and other tissues. When it occurs in pregnant women or within six weeks after giving birth, it's called maternal or postpartum sepsis (RCOG, 2012).

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Sophie Messager

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"I love this book. I have facilitated postnatal groups for many years, so I am acutely aware of the huge hole in support and information for those starting their lives as mothers. This book goes a long way towards filling that hole.

Sophie is a scientist turned doula, so is beautifully qualified to offer practical, evidence-based information with compassion and empathy. She gives us pointers to things we should all know, but have somehow lost in our rushed and internet-obsessed world. Based on her four pillars of postnatal recovery - rest, nutrition, social support and bodywork - she gently guides us through practical steps to support an optimal postnatal recovery.

Packed with common sense and wisdom, with enjoyable personal stories and references and resources second to none, this book has something for everyone who is pregnant or has just had a baby. I not only recommend it, I would go so far as to say I think it is essential reading." Becky Reed, Midwife and Postnatal Group Facilitator

"This book is bursting with common sense. It addresses an area of childbirth that has been desperately neglected. Sadly the postnatal period has been the brunt of modern cost cutting, leaving new mothers with very little in the way of support. Sophie captures the need for reestablishing some of the old traditions and customs. She introduces customs from around the world, emphasising the importance societies everywhere put on this special time. Sophie uses her "four pillars of postnatal recovery" to illustrate how vital postnatal recovery is to mother, baby and family. In a world where families are often living miles apart and new mothers do not have a close support network, where mothers are expected to bounce back to pre pregnancy "normal" and the pace of life is fast and constantly interrupted by technology, there is an enormous need for a book like this. Sophie offers sensible, realistic advice in an easy to read amusing book. I recommend it highly!" Siobhan Taylor, Midwife and Community Postnatal Supporter

"By sharing the experiences and concerns of modern women during their postnatal journeys, Sophie unveils for us the wisdom of postpartum care across the globe and echoes the voices of traditional midwifery throughout time.

Thorough research, easy to follow advice and lots of useful resources make this book a must read!

Not only for mothers to be, but for all of those who understand that perinatal health is a key element to help our communities thrive." Laura Leongomez, Holistic Voice Therapist and Doula

"As an anthropologist, I found this book fascinating. As a pregnant woman, I found it essential. It completely changed how I thought about and approached the end of my pregnancy and planning for the oft-neglected time after birth. Sophie draws on cross-cultural wisdom and experience, as well as the scientific literature, to articulate how the exhausted, neglected, overwhelmed stereotype of new motherhood we have in our society isn't an unavoidable universal but a relatively recent cultural choice. And, crucially, a choice we can be empowered to un-make with some care, planning, and support." Eleanor Fleming, Postgraduate Researcher, Department of Anthropology, Durham University

"Sophie's book is a powerful call to action and essential reading not just for those who are pregnant or have had children - but for all of us. At some point in our lives we will come into contact with a loved one who is expecting or has recently had a child and Sophie's book reminds us of an age-old universal wisdom about caring for the mother. The book is a wonderful resource including poignant personal stories.

My hope is that the book will have a ripple effect. Caring for mothers during this precious period after birth is an avenue not just to look after two individuals (baby and mother) but a step towards creating better societies." Dr Johanna Riha, Mother and Consultant Epidemiologist

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"I love this book. I have facilitated postnatal groups for many years, so I am acutely aware of the huge hole in support and information for those starting their lives as mothers. This book goes a long way towards filling that hole.

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Sex after a baby: 10 questions to ask yourself 

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Sex after a baby: 10 questions to ask yourself 

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NCT

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For all sorts of reasons, it might take a while to get back to your old sex life after having a baby. One study found that more than half of couples had started to have sex by eight weeks after birth, and more than three quarters of couples by 12 weeks (McDonald and Brown, 2013). Yet for many couples, it's closer to 12 months after their baby's birth that they're having sex as frequently as before the birth (Jawed-Wessel and Sevick, 2017).

So here are a few questions you could ask yourself to see whether you're ready to make that move...

1. Do I feel emotionally ready for sex?

This is pretty important. The timing is very much up to you. And it is common for new parents to find that tiredness and the responsibility of caring for a new baby mean they have less interest in sex.

A decline in sexual interest after the birth of a baby can be related to the drop in oestrogen that new mums experience (Hendrick et al, 1998). In fact, one study suggests this is a way of ensuring new mums do not become pregnant while caring for a new baby (Lorenz et al, 2019).

2. Am I worried that my partner wants to have sex?

If you aren't ready but your partner is, reassure them that you're not pushing them away. This is just a temporary situation while you get your head around the demands of a small human. It can take time for your body to recover from the birth.

Your partner's moves over to your side of the bed are likely because they still love and fancy you and want you to know it. But you should never feel under pressure to do anything you are not 100% ready for.

It might sound like a cliché but communication and a mutual understanding of each other's needs can help keep a loving relationship alive. You might also want to remind your partner that your focus on your baby doesn't take away from your love for them. That you're not pushing them away.

"There's no right or wrong time to start having sex again after you have had a baby. Don't rush into it. If sex hurts, it won't be pleasurable." (NHS, 2018a)

Sex is more likely if you make time to relax together. You're more likely to make love when your minds are on each other, rather than other things (NHS, 2018b).

3. Am I worried about my body?

If you gave birth, you might be thinking 'Will it feel different?' Worries around discomfort or becoming pregnant again are normal.

You might start by gently exploring your vagina to discover whether there is any pain or change (NHS, 2018b). You could then discuss the changes to your body with your partner and how you want to be touched.

Dryness might contribute to sex being painful, and lower oestrogen levels until your periods restart after childbirth are partly to blame (NHS, 2018a). But probably the most important reason for dryness is that you're exhausted and adapting to your post-birth body, so you're not sexually aroused enough to produce lubrication. You could use a lubricant and make sure you are fully aroused before sexual activity, and begin with oral or mutual masturbation (NHS, 2018b).

You could also grab a chat with your health visitor or GP to go through your questions about post-baby sex. If you experience any pain, see your GP (NHS, 2018a).

4. Am I rushing into post-baby sex because I'm worried I'll lose closeness with my partner?

If that's the case, there are plenty of other ways to maintain that bond. With everything from cuddling up in front of a film to doing anything else you fancy in bed that doesn't involve penetration.

5. How will the type of birth I had affect sex?

The type of birth you had can affect your feelings about sex (McDonald and Brown, 2013).

If you had an uncomplicated vaginal birth, you might feel tired, bruised or have some grazing that may sting, so you may want to take it gently. Your health visitor will probably check in with you about pain or difficulties around sex about two to six weeks after the birth (NICE, 2021a). If you have had stitches in your perineum after the birth, you may feel anxious about discomfort and perhaps find that sensation is different (NHS, 2020a).

If you had a caesarean section, you can resume sex whenever you feel fully recovered from the birth (NICE, 2021b). If your scar is still sensitive, you could explore positions that don't put pressure on it.

6. Will my tear or cut (episiotomy) affect sex?

Let yourself recover first. Your stitches should dissolve after 10 days and by two weeks you should feel like you're healing well. But it can take up to a month to heal (NHS, 2020a). For third and fourth degree tears, wait until you've stopped bleeding and your tear has healed before having sex again (RCOG, 2015).

With stitching, when you're ready to have sex again, you'll want to take things slowly and gently. You could try positions that limit penetration or reduce the pressure on the stitched area. If sex is painful or difficult when you do try, speak to your GP.

7. Will how I am feeding my baby affect sex?

This may seem unrelated but actually, if you're breastfeeding, hormones can cause vaginal dryness and a dip in libido (Riordan, 2005). See our Breastfeeding and sex article for more details.

Your breasts may be less of an erogenous zone than they used to be and you may find that the oxytocin released during breastfeeding means you crave affection less elsewhere. On the other hand, as our bodies are never simple, you may find that breastfeeding actually increases your arousal levels.

Some women feel 'all touched out' by the intensity of being constantly on demand as a parent. This isn't a reason to stop feeding, but might mean you just don't feel like having sex.

8. Have I thought about contraception?

Very important information: you can get pregnant soon after the birth of your baby. This can happen even if you are breastfeeding and your periods haven't reappeared. So make sure you look into your options for contraception and discuss it with your health visitor, midwife, GP or contraception clinic (NHS, 2020b).

9. Am I putting it off as I'm worrying about my baby being in the room?

Such a common one, trust us. Yet your baby won't understand what's going on. Your noises are completely familiar to them from their time in your womb and hearing them from outside will not upset them. Plus they won't care what you're up to.

Just be careful if your baby is in the bed with you or move them into their cot. You might also want to choose a time when your baby is less likely to interrupt things, like after a feed.

10. Am I ready to talk honestly with my partner?

If sex hurts, say it. If you need your partner to be gentler, say it. If you need extra foreplay, say it. If you need to nip to the chemist and buy some lube, say it. If you just want to chill out in front of the TV, say it. See a GP and say it to them if something doesn't feel right.

Further information

Our support line offers practical and emotional support with feeding your baby and general enquiries for parents, members and volunteers: 0300 330 0700.

You might find attending one of our Early Days groups helpful as they give you the opportunity to explore different approaches to important parenting issues with a qualified group leader and other new parents in your area.

Make friends with other parents-to-be and new parents in your local area for support and friendship by seeing what NCT activities are happening nearby.

Hendrick V, Altshuler LL, Suri R. (1998) Hormonal changes in the postpartum and implications for postpartum depression. Psychosomatics. 39(2):93-101. Available at: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0033318298713556 [Accessed 9th December 2021].

Jawed-Wessel S, Sevick E. (2017) The impact of pregnancy and childbirth on sexual behaviors: A systematic review. J Sex Res. 54(4-5):411-423. http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224499.2016.1274715 [Accessed 9th December 2021].

Lorenz T, Ramsdell EL, Brock RL. (2019) A close and supportive interparental bond during pregnancy predicts greater decline in sexual activity from pregnancy to postpartum: applying an evolutionary perspective. Front Psychol. 10:2974. Available at: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6966960/ [Accessed 9th December 2021].

McDonald EA, Brown SJ. (2013) Does method of birth make a difference to when women resume sex after childbirth? BJOG. 120(7):823-830. Available from: http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/1471-0528.12166/full [Accessed 9th December 2021].

NICE. (2021a) Postnatal care [NG194]. Available at: https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng194 [Accessed 9th December 2021].

NICE. (2021b) Caesarean birth [NG192]. Available at: https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng192 [Accessed 9th December 2021].

NHS. (2018a) Vaginal changes after childbirth. Available from: https://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/vagina-health/Pages/vagina-after-childbirth.aspx [Accessed 9th December 2021].

NHS. (2018b) Sex and contraception after birth. Available at: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/sex-contraception-after-birth/ [Accessed 9th December 2021].

NHS. (2020a) Episiotomy and perineal tears. Available from: https://www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/labour-and-birth/what-happens/episiotomy-and-perineal-tears/ [Accessed 9th December 2021].

NHS. (2020b) When can I use contraception after having a baby? Available from: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/when-contraception-after-baby/ [Accessed 9th December 2021].

Riordan J. (2005) Breastfeeding and human lactation. Sudbury, MA: Jones & Bartlett Publishing

RCOG. (2015) A third- or fourth-degree tear during birth (also known as obstetric anal sphincter injury- OASI. Available from: https://www.rcog.org.uk/globalassets/documents/patients/patient-information-leaflets/pregnancy/pi-third--or-fourth-degree-tear-during-birth.pdf [Accessed 9th December 2021].

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Sex after a baby: 10 questions to ask yourself | Life as a parent articles & support | NCT

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Wondering how soon you can have sex after giving birth? Here are some questions you should ask yourself to figure out what's right for you.

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NCT

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Working as a team

Life with a newborn is an exciting and challenging time for all new parents. Coping with the early days (and nights) can be extra tough if you're struggling to balance who does what.

Research has described the phenomenon of maternal gatekeeping (The conversation. 2015), which can cause dads or non-birth mothers to be discouraged from sharing equal responsibility for the baby. Some non-birth mothers describe feeling left out of the special bond, particularly if their partner is breastfeeding. Solidarity can make all the difference on a sleepless night so put the kettle on, fire up a box-set, and snuggle up together.

All hands on deck

Catching up on the physical bond can be especially important for a mum who hasn't given birth. Tiny babies enjoy being held skin-to-skin and are soothed by the heartbeats of both mums.

If you've gone back to work, bath time can be a lovely evening ritual. It allows you to spend some special time with your baby and give your partner time to rest at the end of the day.

Date night

While you're trying to support your partner in the physical recovery from birth, don't forget that you're both emotionally adapting to your new roles. Becoming parents can put huge pressure on a relationship. Take offers of help from friends and family that allow you to spend some time together or to catch up on sleep.

Time alone might be closer to a takeaway in front of the TV and baby monitor rather than a wild night out for a while. But it all counts in finding time to be a couple.

Value of shared parental leave

When our twin daughters were six months old, my partner went back to work and I started a period of shared parental leave. Many same-sex couples find that they are freed up from 'traditional' roles and are able to shape family life around a more equal division of labour.

For me, starting six months of parental leave presented some unique challenges. Should I simply slot into my partner's place at the baby yoga class and try to fit in with her new friends? Or should I find my own activities and networks? Everyone will make their own decisions on this.

An important part of shared parental leave for me was also that it marked the start of weaning. It gave me an opportunity to really share in a major stage of our babies' development.

Shared parental leave isn't a practical option for all couples but do consider ways in which you can both spend time with your new baby. For us, splitting the leave meant we both experienced the highs and lows of the first year.

We both survived the challenging days when leaving the house seemed impossible. We both enjoyed joyful moments of first smiles or first steps. By the end of the first year, we both felt that we had really learnt how to be parents and could hardly even remember what life was like before we were a family.
Claire Lynch is a writer and academic. She lives near Windsor with her wife Bethan and their three daughters. This article is part of series she has written about her experiences as a same-sex parent for NCT. Her book Small: On motherhoods, telling the story of her motherhood journey, is out on 24 June 2021, published by Brazen_Octopus books. If you'd like to share your story, please do get in touch: nctmatterseditor@nct.org.uk Photography by And then she clicked
Further information

Our support line offers practical and emotional support with feeding your baby and general enquiries for parents, members and volunteers: 0300 330 0700. We also offer antenatal courses which are a great way to find out more about birth, labour and life with a new baby.

Make friends with other parents-to-be and new parents in your local area for support and friendship by seeing what NCT activities are happening nearby.

You might find attending one of NCT's Early Days groups helpful as they give you the opportunity to explore different approaches to important parenting issues with a qualified group leader and other new parents in your area.

Read the free guide from Stonewall 'Pregnant Pause: A guide for lesbians on how to get pregnant' covering all aspects of pregnancy and childbirth from conception to starting school.

Read more about the parenting issues facing same-sex parents on the website, Pink Parents

Visit We Are Family Magazine, a community resource and platform for social change, representing lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans people in a family context through positive representation, advice and support.

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Two-mum families: becoming mummy and mama

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Life with a newborn is an exciting and challenging time for all new parents. Coping with the early days (and nights) can be extra tough if you're struggling to balance who does what. Research has described the phenomenon of maternal gatekeeping (The conversation.

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Pride and Joy: A guide for lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans parents

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Pride and Joy: A guide for lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans parents

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Sarah and Rachel Hagger-Holt

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Pride and Joy: A guide for lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans parents

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Pinter & Martin is an independent publishing company specialising in pregnancy, birth, parenting, breastfeeding, yoga and psychology books